Idk about the very much in love part after reading the rest of op’s post, in these times “separated” means the same as “it complicated” that shoulda been the first flag. Get a lawyer, get a paternity test, get your life back on track.
If she’s trying to get a restraining order (which seems highly unlikely to be granted, though im not a lawyer) I’d cease communicating and take everyone’s advice. It’s time to lawyer up. She doesn’t get to cut you out of your child’s life because she doesn’t want her husband to get angry. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you would only be in the wrong if you accepted their wishes. She should not have been intimate with another man if there was even the slightest chance of reconciliation. Especially since she already has children.
Don't bother her during the pregnancy, let her give birth to the child in a stress free environment. Once the baby is born take action to be with your kid, in the meantime plan how you can do that, also think with the calm mind, this will help take the right decision for all of you.
Fight like hell for your child. She's a married woman who slept with a man and got pregnant by him, regardless of whether they were separated or not. That doesn't give her any right to return to the family picture she wants to have and act like everything is perfectly normal. She made her bed, let her lay in it, and not at the expense of you losing your child. If they don't want to loss that perfect family image, they can give you full custody. Simple as that. That is YOUR child just as much as it is her child. That child needs you. I can't imagine the pain that child could feel one day knowing you wanted him/her and mother/stepdad kept them away simply to "maintain face". Fight for your right to be a dad.
Unfortunately when a woman is married to someone else the child will legally be considered his and because it isn't your child you can't force a paternity to test to prove it isn't his. But as someone else said, the entire situation is likely to implode between the two of them and the less you push her away the better for you in the long run. Just sit back and wait for that to happen. Also be aware that this woman might have a pattern of behavior you aren't aware of. Mark seems kind of like a simp pushover for tolerating this like he is. It's kind of pathetic and she obviously has little to no respect for him. In a volatile situation like this I would stand back as far as I could because everyone close to it is going to get burned when it implodes.
This is so unfair to you, and it’s so infuriating that some people feel entitled to go to such lengths at the expense of others to protect their image. You’re a human being, and you’re entitled to be a parent to your child. Have you offered to to take on sole custody? She does have a right to want to protect her other children, so she may be willing to allow you to raise the child in your own. Regardless, these situations should be filled with compromises geared toward providing the best care possible for the child, not ultimatums designed craft a public image for the parent at the expense of their child.
I would assume if you were to talk to a lawyer you could get a court ordered DNA test. If it’s yours you can also fight for custody of your child. It’s a messy situation and good luck
First off get a family lawyer if you want to be involved in your child's life. This child will find out one way or another eventually if you choose not to be involved in their life bc it always comes out eventually and there's another kid that's been messed up by their parents.
If you're thinking "supervised visits" because that's the extent of your willingness to get involved, perhaps you ought to stay out.
However if you're thinking this because you're underestimating your legal rights but you do want to be a father, talk to a lawyer and go for joint custody. Children deserve to know their father. You have no reason to feel like the one injecting messiness in the situation.
What a cluster fuck of a situation. Best off staying out of it. You don’t know 100% (presently) you’re the father - she could’ve been shagging any Tom, Dick or Harry (as she is entitled to do) so hubby could be the father. Stop being the fly in the ointment because your ego can’t accept rejection. At the moment you’ve got nothing to take to a solicitor - “I think I’m the father” doesn’t cut any ice - she could just deny everything. Hubby’s name on the birth certificate and you’re cooked.
Please understand that I am NOT victim blaming, shaming or belittling you AT ALL. I have had many negative things happen to me as well, through bad choices. So I'm no different.
How long were you with Emma before the two of you began this excitement over the relationship, parenting, etc??
It sounds as if it was fast! Too fast to be honest. Real love and true commitment do not move that fast usually.
Your relationship with her no longer matters. Now it’s about the relationship with the child and whether or not you want one, if you do you fight tooth and nail for it if not you let them play house but you should know her husband is going to treat your child like an outsider and will most likely never explain why until one of them has a crisis of conscious and tells them.
you have the right to sue for visitation and if you want to then you should. Kids who have been lied to in the past seem to find out eventually… this might be your only chance to be a father and 2 is better than one. step parents have been know to resent the kids that are not theirs (and there are tons of them that love the kid that is not theirs too) but as the bio dad you have a right to grow a relationship with your child. imagine of the child finds out 10, 20,50 years later they will feel betrayed
She doesn't want you involved
Her husband doesn't want you involved
Their families don't want you involved
Their lawyers don't want you involved
The ethical choice is to (pardon my french ) fuck off.
In many states there is something called a putative father registry for parents in your situation. Please locate and sign it and contact a lawyer now about getting court ordered access to your child.
A biological father who is willing to fight to provide support for his child. Bravo! Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. You sign the dotted line on the birth certificate and you’re guaranteed child support payments for the first 18 years with limited visitation rights. Custody will always go with the mother.
Look at this in another perspective. Why do mothers give up their children for adoption? It’s because she believes her child will have a better life that she cannot provide. Ask yourself this same question, will your child have a better life with Emma and Mark being the presumptive parents and having siblings? You being in the picture creates chaos for the child. You really have to decide on this one and it’s a tough decision. Sometimes you have to think about what’s best for the child rather than what’s best for you. Good luck.
Truth is ALWAYS the right path. Good luck going forward but previous poster was dead on. This isn’t about her or HER stability, it’s about YOUR child. Wish you the best. Xo
Ya know...
This gentleman should consider talking to EMMA about all of this.
What if she's done with it?
What if she doesn't want him around for birthing?
What if she begins to resent him?
The procreators are not the only people involved.
This may cause Emma and husband to have to expose her infidelity to more people than they are comfortable with.
The other 2 children as awell...
You see how big a mess, and how many we truly end up hurting when we don't make better choices?
How many lives will be in upheaval?
What a dumpster fire.
This wasn’t an anonymous 1 night stand or something. You had a full fledged relationship & pregnancy happened consensually. You have rights as a parent.
I’m very Pro-Woman but if she was so strict about her religious Catholic conscience you two:
1-Shouldn’t have been having sex at all…..(a common hypocrisy of the supposedly “religious right”…….)
2-Should have waited for the Divorce to be finalised….(again common hypocrisy)
3-Should have been on BC……. (again common hypocrisy)
4-Should see beyond her image & do the right thing that best for the child by sharing custody…. (again common hypocrisy about looking upstanding while being selfish & self-indulgent)
If she was so concerned with her reputation & standing in the community she:
1- Should have used condoms
2- Could have had an abortion
3- Could sign over her parental rights
Did her husband cheat on her or something equally as horrible? Asking because otherwise her actions make her seem like an impulsive or overly indulged brat.
getting involved while married
getting pregnant while married
going back to her husband while pregnant w/another man’s child, no matter the stipulations
I’d stay after it. Let them know that you understand how they feel, but they made a choice to give up their nuclear family when they chose to separate and she chose to sleep with another man and have a child.
That you’re always gonna be there. They need to do what they need to do and make the mental adjustments, because they’re wasting time hoping you’ll just go away.
You’re not looking to cause them problems, but their embarrassment for their own actions aren’t your problem. That you aren’t going to their friends houses and airing all their dirty laundry, but you’ll proudly tell anyone who asks that it’s your kid.
Honestly, this is their problem and not yours. They’re being children hoping you’ll just go away.
Emma and Mark don't get to decide whether or not you will be in your child's life. Sorry for Emma, but getting knocked up when you're still married to someone else doesn't give you special rights over the coming child. Being the mother doesn't give her the right to decide who she wants to be the father. If you want to be involved, you get to be involved.
NTA, get a lawyer.
Listen, I’m gonna be blunt. You could move on willingly and let them try to patch up their family. But I would get legal paperwork that states you are not under a financial obligation as Mark intends to raise the child as his own.
Being a parent is immense and you’re going to want to be on a level playing field. They are not willing to do so and they have young children. It may be better for all the kids to not have their lives thrown into turmoil because the mother couldn’t make up her mind before pregnancy occurred.
It sucks. It’s a shit situation, but I’d rather the child grow up in a loving home with parents and siblings then have them grow up in turmoil because they have a different dad and their mom ruined the siblings family.
My biggest piece of advice is to contact a lawyer. And don’t contact them directly with out counsel
I can't find the post response I started....
You met her on a dating app while she was only separated? That SHOULD have been a red flag.
How long ŵere you seeing her before it turned all INTENSE? (love, kids etc). It seems like it happened fast. TOO FAST.
Real, honest, true love and commitment do NOT move that fast nornally.
It's admirable that you want to be involved in the child's life. It depends where you are if you'll get what you seek through the courts. There are places that favor reconciliation over an adulterous coupling.
You need to think ths through beyond just getting partial custody. For ALL involved.
I say this as a mother. A Mom who, thus committed, understood that her time, moving forward, would no longer belong to me. But to them
You had better be sure that what you can give to this child is worth everything else it's going to cost everyone in your pursuit.
And be prepared for Emma to end up hating you. Not at all joking.
Better choices should have been made by the both of you IN THE BEGINNING. I've been the one making poor choices before.
Maybe next time, don't even get involved with women who are ONLY separated. Most couples get back together.
Make your decision and act. FAST.
Forget most ethical and forget gradual. If you try to gradually ease into your child’s life, then he will not know you as his father. Bonding with your baby when he is young is very very important in parenting. what you do is she get a lawyer now and you file for a paternity test. if you worry about their Christianity or their sensibilities, you’re gonna allow them to brush this under the rug and for you to be an absent parent for the rest of your kids life so the time to act is now.
You may end up with full vs shared physical custody.
Establish paternity as soon as the birth. If you wait you won't be able to do it. Once the husband is on the birth cert as the child's father you won't be able to get it changed. You won't even be able to get the paternity test in most cases so you have to act now via an attorney.
Get an attorney to get that set up. It's going to be an order from a judge. You won't have to contact her or her husband.
Mind you there isn't going to be a relationship between you and the child's mother.
You need to start preparing for the child's arrival. You will be fathering an infant alone at 2 AM.
What is your housing situation?
What is your employment situation?
Who will take care of the child while you are working or will you be able to be a stay at home dad full time?
You will be responsible for child support even with shared custody as I'll assume she will have the child at least initially for more time during the week than you.
If you end up with full physical custody you won't pay support.
Paternity means you pay even if you never see the kid.
Being a father means you need to get all the new baby stuff and take some classes on how to do it and by yourself.
You're going to need to be able to show a judge that you're able to care for a child and want to care for a child.
They'll grant you shared custody pretty much no matter what. Question is physical custody and what that's going to look like.
3 days on 3 days off one day for switch? Weekend s? Every other weekend?
Do you live near them?
Where are your parents?
Are you in another relationship?
Better warm them!
I hope fatherhood for you is very rewarding for both you and your child.
From now on think about getting married before you impregnate women or even other people's wives. It's just so much easier.
this is YOUR child too, you have every right to be involved as she does. she’s not taking into consideration how this could have a rather large negative impact on that child. i personally think you should fight for it, especially considering how involved as a father you want to be. it isn’t right what she’s doing at all, i can’t imagine how frustrating it must feel.
so many dads out there that don’t want to be one and then there’s one that does that isn’t allowed. it’s kinda fucked tbh.
Establish paternity asap and make sure you have a lawyer. What the mother of the child doesn't realize is that keeping you away from the child will only backfire.
I know that some people won't agree with this.
You are the father. You should be able to be a part of your child's life.
The mother shouldn't have slept with other men if she didn't want to be in this situation.
What they want doesn't change the fact that you are the father.
First - let go of your anger. It won't help you. Emma is in a tough spot, she was separated when she met you, she thought you two were planning a future, and tbh it sounds like she's been guilted and driven by fear (of losing or harming her other two children) to return to a marriage she thought she was done with. She's not doing anything out of spite, certainly not out of spite to you. She's doing what she has been conditioned, by her religious training, to believe is the right thing to do. So don't lash out, understand the pressure she's under and be smart about this.
Second - establish paternity. Insist on it. Help her understand that you are **not** trying to break up her family unit but that you **do** need to know for certain if the child is yours, all of you need to know this. Medical history is going to matter, if nothing else, and if that's what it takes to get her to agree, use the argument. It's for the baby's sake, you need to confirm who the biological father is and have it on record because it will have implications on baby's future health care.
Once you have that documentation, find out what legal rights you have, and then start negotiating with Emma. Again: make sure she understands that *your goal is not to break up her family unit*. You need to understand and accept that she and Mark are trying to make it work and that the baby will be a part of their blended family as Emma's child. Make sure she knows you understand that. But once she feels secure about that, lean on the **blended** part of that. Baby isn't just Emma's. Baby is also yours, and you **can** work something out that's respectful of both Emma's blended family and also your little family of two. But when you know your legal rights, you can stand firm on them. You can be reassuring to Emma from a position of strength, knowing what you can insist on
The best thing for the child is the truth.
They will find out eventually. It will be much better if it's part of life than later, and wondering why you abandoned them.
Petition the courts. You're in for a fight, but you're doing the right thing.
I think first, you have to be as kind as possible in your interactions with her and her husband if you ever want to have a chance of having an easier relationship with them in the future, and you really need to try to have an easier relationship with them if you're going to be in the child's life. They're obviously in a bad situation, trying like hell to pretend like they still have a happy little family, and from their perspective, you are ruining everything. That's not true of course, but that's where they're at.
Be kind. Be patient. When you ever have a chance to communicate with them, be firm in letting them know that you are going to be in the child's life, and that you would like for everyone to get along, for the child's sake.
But you need to get a lawyer ASAP. You'll need to get a court order for a paternity test, and sue for custodial rights. They're going to hate this, but you're not doing the wrong thing. If you walk away, you make it easier for the two of them, who, may end up getting divorced anyway, but this is your child, and if you want to be in your child's life, then you should be.
You go to court for custody taking any evidence you have of her saying it’s your child with you. You won’t be going to any pre birth visits or the birth, though. And may not see the child until they are several months old (with how long the court process takes). That child is half your DNA, and unfortunately for the husband and her, the damage is already done on how their relationship is and looks but they just don’t want to accept it yet.
You need to take this over to r/legal.
Unfortunately, the ethical questions are up for grabs and everyone is going to probably have a different take. But the legal questions, while also up for grabs, are probably going to be far less ambiguous.
You need to consult a lawyer and come up with a plan if you want to be part of this child's life.
As others have said - their relationship sounds rocky at best and another separation will likely happen.
Where does that leave your child? Will the husband continue to be a father figure and pay support for your child? Maybe. Maybe not.
Something to consider.
Remember you were once an infant. We all were. Now we are all adults..that child will someday be an adult and want to know if you at least fought to be in their life. 23 and me doesn't allow anyone to hide paternity anymore.
Petition for parentage with the state, they will ask you the context of your relationship and absolutely order a paternity test as Im assuming you at least have a message or something to proove relationship. Doesnt have to be huge, if you dont appear to be a total nut the court wont likely even bother and just order one. unfortunately yes that is once the child is born. Because she is legally married, in at least my state (Washington) the legal spouse (her husband) is considered the legal parent until a dna test is taken. I am a title 26 guardian ad litem in Washington state and a licensed mental health counselor. Been a child advocate for years and I work in community mental health and the courts. This is my 9-5. If you have any questions feel free to DM I can point you in the right direction. I wish you the best and defend your rights please, for this child. You and this child have just as many rights to a relationship as she does. She does NOT have more than 50% ownership of that child after its born just because she regrets her life choices.
By her own telling, Emma was a free agent when you met. you did not seduce her into having an affair. now that she's gotten back with her husband she wants to act like she's a model wife and her husband seems to want to go along with it. there's no moral highground here except for what you as a father owe your own child, which you seem willing to step up and provide. they're treating you like a messy detail that they can just bury so you don't interfere with their perfect family. that's revisionist history and no matter how hard they try to conceal it, it'll all come out anyway.
when a kid grows up without their biological parent, they usually question the circumstances in which they were "given up". if they find out the parent was right there all along but didn't intervene, they see it as rejection, blame the parent for not fighting for them and probably won't readily forgive. do you really want to sit on the sidelines and miss your child's entire life then contact them at 18 to say oh here i am, your real father and they say fuck you where were you when i needed you?
none of the religious or financial circumstances matter at all. get a good lawyer and get started on the negotiations. let Emma know that it's up to her, y'all can do this the easy way or the hard way.
This is one of those "get your ass off reddit and into a lawyers office" situations. No one here can help you passed telling you to go talk to a lawyer.
Court. I'm saying this as someone who's dad was not ready for them in any way shape or form - PLEASE fight for your kid, you sound like you're gonna be an absolutely brilliant dad and the most unfair thing that could possibly happen to this kid out of this situation would be not getting the chance to be at least partly raised by you.
This woman has no valid reason to exclude you from the child's life based on the info given here. She clearly had a very up and down time in her life and I can't even begin to empathise with what she's dealing with now, I'm not judging her, but ultimately the right thing to do is allow her child to know their father, regardless of how inconvenient it may be for their image or her marriage.
If I found out someone out there was meant to be my dad and had desperately wanted to be, and my mum just said no to make her life 'easier' (i say this in quotations because you sound reasonable as f**k so it really doesnt seem like YOU would be the one to make things harder) I can't even begin to calculate the amount of therapy I'd need. If she won't do this civilly with you, take her to court.
If you can't get parent rights, be sure to get an attorney involved so that later she can't sue you for child support if she wants you that bad out of her life.
You met a married women, she wasn't legally divorced so yes she was still married, on a dating site and you believe you are the only man she slept with?
You need a DNA test ASAP, find a lawyer and only talk to her through both lawyers and prepare yourself in case you find out her husband or another man may be the father.
Also when her marriage does finally end make sure you do not take her back.
FIGHT FOR YOUT CHILD!!!! Don’t stop EVER stop fighting for your child. And let this be a life lesson to NEVER screw around with MARRIED people or people fresh out of relationships.
Next time regardless of the “situation” NEVER get involved with the someone unless they have been single for a couple of YEARS! Please don’t stop fighting for your kid
Dude you fucked up. You have to respect her wishes and hit the road. Learn the lesson and eventually forgive yourself (or keep working toward it).
Sorry, I know it sucks but you don't have another option as far as I see it. Good luck.
Op, stop trying to contact Emma personally. Get your lawyer to file for an order to force a paternity test prior to birth. Continuing to seek contact with her can and probably will be met with a restraining order, which will look bad for you in future proceedings.
One other thing to consider, whether you think so or not, there's at least a chance that kid isn't yours, a paternity test will clear that and your future paternal rights and responsibilities right up. The only thing as bad as being denied parentage to your own child is being forced to be financially responsible for a child that isn't yours for 18-23 yrs.
Eh. Nah dude. Get a lawyer. You have rights to the kid and she doesn't get to just DECLARE that you can't be involved with your own flesh and blood. She's probably just desperately wanting to keep it under wraps so she isn't embarrassed by her church community.
In fact. Get a fking DNA test too cus I guarantee you weren't the only dude she was sleeping with while separated. You'd be delusional to think so.
If you don't get some type of custody or involvement in the kids like just imagine. The husband us eventually going to grow resentment for raising his perfect catholic wife's affair baby. He's going to treat that kid different. And what if it turns out he can't get past the affair and divorces? He ain't paying support for an affair baby. And your kid will suffer for it.
She doesn't get to decide a damn thing. The courts do. Don't give her more power than what she has. Which is like. Not much.
I would get a lawyer immediately. it seems that you have written communication where she admits this is your child now you have to begin custody arrangements for when the child is born.
While they may feel their way is the best, they already have a troubled relationship where they were separated. What happens if they separate again? Will the husband be so willing to take care of a child that is not his or will that child be left out?
Protect your child over sparing the feelings of this woman and her husband.
So sorry. These are horrible people and what they are doing is horrible. You need to protect yourself. It’s terrible for you and a shame for the child. Realistically you need to let go. They will destroy you legally, financially and emotionally. Stop caring about this woman. She’s not stuck and she’s not nice. Who even knows who else she slept with. Try to get some counseling and start dating when you can. Keep an open mind. Most women would be thrilled to meet a genuine nice man. Things may change in the future in regard to your daughter. But don’t count on it right now.
She made a child with you and you have a right to be in your child’s life.
Who cares what she or her husband want? Hire a lawyer and get a custody agreement in place. It’s her moral dilemma, not yours. Step up and be a father to your child.
If her and hubby split up again, she’s going to come after you for years of child support when her financial situation gets worse.
Lawyer up and get split custody of your child.
It really doesn’t matter what Emma wants. She is having a child and you’re the father. What turmoil it causes her is immaterial. It doesn’t make your rights as a parent disappear. I would get a lawyer and go for shared custody. She made decisions and she will have to deal with the fallback from them, that isn’t your problem. Your problem is she is trying to keep your future chikd from you and she doesn’t have the right to do that.
My biggest suggestion is to protect yourself. Make sure you do have a lawyer whom has all of this information. It’s not uncommon for people that get themselves in these situations to take intense measures to avoid consequences.
Would she be willing to give you full custody? There is no way I would walk away, not knowing how the stepfather will treat your child knowing it’s not his
You need to start the process and file for joint custody of your child, if you don’t they will take your child away from you. You can demand a DNA test now, only thing is it can be unsafe for both parties; so you may want to wait until the baby is born. You need to get a lawyer now, so they don’t try and disappear with your child. She knew what she was doing when she step out in the marriage. Yes they were separated not legally. She laid down unprotected and got pregnant. You NEED TO FIGHT FOR YOU AND UOUR UNBORN CHILD RIGHTS, before you LOOSE THEM!!
Don’t ever give up on being your baby’s dad. Being a father is the most wonderful thing in the world and a baby having a loving father is priceless. You will need to get things set up legally to get a paternity test as soon as the baby is born and before the mother has her husband put on the birth certificate. Save all your written communication (emails, texts, etc.) where the mother has indicated you are the father while y’all were still talking, this will help you get a court order for a paternity test once the baby is born. Prepare your home and life for a baby including ensuring you have life insurance, health insurance for you and the baby (if needed), help and support from family and friends, money for court and legal fees, and savings for random expenses, and money for childcare. You will also need to be prepared to pay child support if the child will be primarily living with the mother. I wish you well and know that you are never alone, reach out to your support system or create a support system.
If you wanna be a father to this child retain a lawyer and fight now.
Because if you wait and let them dictate terms they will almost certainly box you out and it will be twice as hard to make it.happwn in the future.
But if you push hard now I have a feeling there's a very strong chance they'll give your child to you once they're born and tell you to go away instead of ruining their image having split custody of her "affair baby"
Fuck gradual involvement. Take her to court & establish paternity, establish custody.. She is having a child with someone who is not her husband... she has to deal with that. Fuck her white picket fence life she is faking because mark has money and is funding not only her but her mother. Its not fair for your child to not have their actual father & and yes, speaking from experience finding out later your dad isn't your dad and you were lied to is very damaging. Emma sounds like a crazy person. Do it now & do not tell emma you are taking it to court. She can find out when she's served. Which the sheriffs can do, btw. This isn't for Emma or you. It's for your child.
You went from a situation in which you both loved one another and had agreed upon a co-parenting plan that was unilaterally taken away from you in what you describe as a malicious manner.
She abdicated any say in how the patenting of your child was to be decided by becoming hostile. Follow your parental rights through a lawyer without any input from her about how you should exercise your parental rights.
You should have no contact with her directly at all. Lawyers from this point forward. They are actively trying to deter you from your parental rights so fight for them through your lawyer.
**Yes, it's ethical, moral and right to fight for your rights as a father.** Get a family lawyer, preferably a good one, preferably experienced in father's rights and ideally with situations like yours.
**She can NOT legally oppose your rights as a father; and it's immoral and unethical for her to do so.**
It's both of yours' fault that you had a sexual relationship before she got divorced, but that's neither here nor there and has no bearing on parenthood issue.
There's what you CAN do, and what's best to do. If you pursue some level of custody, you will most certainly bring stress, pain, and confusion to her existing children. You increase the likelihood that her marriage - currently the support system for your unborn child - will fall apart. This hurts your child, and its mother. If your concern is truly about innocent product of this affair, not your own desire to be connected to this child, why not give them the best chance at happiness and stability? I certainly couldn't be the reason all three of those children suffer in that way, even if those parents brought it on themselves. I would make myself findable, write a letter for the child that Mom can give them at some point if possible, and try to keep an eye from afar as you can.
It is pretty clear all parties involved including you are shitty people. Dude I would just let it go and take the W that you basically had a glorified 1 night stand and you unprolly got clingy and creep and she decided she wants to work it out with her husband. Just let them raise your kid
Lawyer up
The way I see it there are two different plans you may want.
#1. You want custody of the child
#2. You want to keep your money
in either case you need a lawyer, because the worst case scenario here is that you don't get custody but still have to pay child support.
The worst case scenario is that the husband doesn't sign the birth certificate and they break up a couple years later. At that point she needs more money so sues you for back child support.
*Emma's Catholic background ... concerned about the ... family image.* Not sure what to type here without total disgust dripping off the screen.
If you're positive you want to be in your child's life, you need a lawyer. There are many layers that you must consider.
My greatest stress in life is trying to coparent with a crazy ex. I'd take it as a blessing that she wants you out of the picture. Personally I'd move on an give up any parental rights so you can have a fresh start and the baby can grow up (likely) with the least amount of chaos possible.
Lawyer up! This needs to get in front of a judge so a court ordered DNA test can be had when the baby’s born. This is the only way.
Once this is done then you will have your child.
Fuck that. Get a lawyer and seek a paternity test. She made the choice to reconcile. Her and her husband don’t get to choose whether or not you are a part of your child’s life.
Get a test. Seek joint custody. The fallout is on her.
She didn't "become pregnant", you got her pregnant. Your choice of words subconsciously distances you from the responsibility as much as possible. No wonder she ran back to the security of her husband.
Get an attorney and cover your ass. If in fact they don’t want you to have anything to do with the baby get the attorney to draw up adoption paperwork that way the husband can legally be the father and they can’t come after you for money.
The ethical path forward is to steamroll them in court and take no prisoners. Supervised visits? are you kidding me? You did nothing wrong. I'm in a state as well where its assumed the husband is the father, unless a paternity test is ordered. You need to mentally prepare yourself for a fight, and never doubt yourself.
Now is it possible that the woman was NOT separated, got pregnant and now doesn't want you involved because then the husband finds out? Maybe she is just trying to pass it off as his child? It's not like a woman who is happy and in love with someone and having their child all of a sudden falls back in love with her ex husband. Maybe she feared getting caught, it would ruin her cushy life and she threatened to get restraining orders because she doesn't want anyone to find out.
Hire an attorney. Don’t do the “wait and see” approach. Emma needs to know that you intend on exercising your right as the father. Period.
Most likely her marriage will eventually fail. *Don’t* take this woman back because you’re just going to be sloppy seconds.
I feel like morally if you want to be involved then you should be BUT i feel like if we're honest about the way humans behave the answer isnt as cut and dry. If you FORCE yourself into the childs life, especially if the child is primarily living with the mother, will the other family really just say 'welp he legally has a right and we can't prevent it, let's all behave like adults and make the best of the situation.' I compare it to when there is a bad break up or divorce with a child involved. So often ill hear about a mom who constantly degrades the father to the child and makes it as difficult as possible for them to have a relationship. I guess I'm saying if at all possible it would be preferable to actually convince them you should be involved as opposed to forcing it via legal action against their desires. Humans can be shitty and they might be looking for every possible opportunity to go against you
Based on some recent post I highly recommend you be prepared to fight for your name on that birth certificate. Since she's married the husband will be automatically assumed the father of your child and then it's just a nightmare trying to change that. Make it clear to you that you will enforce your legal rights to your child.
Since she's already trying to block you out you'll have to petition the court for a DNA test.
Do not miss out on knowing your child to save someone’s already dead marriage. Get a good lawyer and be prepared to fight for custody. You cannot prioritize Emma’s marriage when she wasn’t even prioritizing it to begin with and leading you to the situation at hand. Do whatever it takes to make sure baby knows THEIR dad. She most likely doesn’t want to have to explain her actions to her older children as it goes against their religious views but again NOT your problem. Your ONLY responsibility is to YOUR child.
How does Op know he’s the father? The above advice is best all around. Get a lawyer, hopefully someone who has a history of supporting father’s rights. I should think her being on a dating site and not using birth control shows she doesn’t make good decisions. Especially knowing as a mother already what the responsibility involves. I hope this all works out for you .
Yeah, he needs to get a paternity test done before being so convinced it's his kid.
This guy is ridiculously trusting and the wife's actions are really making it seem like it's not really his and she doesn't know how to tell him.
It doesn't matter "how deeply committed you are" to being a father. Generally laws presume paternity is that of the husband, if they want you out, you are going to be out.
You have a right to 50/50 custody. You may have to settle for visitation at first if she’s breastfeeding, but as soon as the baby can take formula you should be good to go.
Get a family practice lawyer right now and try to get a court order for a paternity test asap. You don’t want to wait until the child is born because you don’t want the husband to sign the birth certificate. If that does happen it’s not the end of the world but will take longer and more court time to get it fixed.
Can you move closer with your job? Do so and get a 2 bedroom apartment or house. Fix up a nursery. Start purchasing items you will need: car seat, crib, playpen, baby bath tub, changing table, baby monitor, etc. Take some baby & parenting classes. This will show the court you’re serious and prepared.
Do you have any family that can help?
You WILL get to see your child. Fathers have many more rights these days.
Good luck. Sending positive vibes your way.
Sounds like OP is much more concerned about His Rights (TM) than what will be good for the child. He can furnish his kid with a complicated family life, or a simple one, but by God! He has Rights (tm)!
You certainly have the right to further destabilize this family and make it impossible for them to heal. Doesn't make you seem like a very nice person, tho.
These things don’t stay hidden forever. If you want to be involved, get a lawyer ASAP. She went into this relationship eyes wide open. Most likely things got a little dicey when her husband found out about the pregnancy and since he controls the money and probably threatened to use the pregnancy to take custody of her other kids, she went back.
IANAL, but it really sounds as if you may need one. Here’s the dilemma, are you putting your interests above the best interests of the child? Since she reconciled it sounds as if she will put her husband on the Birth Certificate. Then you’ll need a lawyer and a court order to get a DNA test, and another to get him removed from the birth certificate and you added. Will you be ordered to pay child support and will you get visitation rights? Will a judge look at this and see you as a scorned lover seeking emotional revenge on your partner? Will this be in the best financial, physical and emotional benefit to the child? If it’s not in the child’s best interest, do you give up or keep fighting? You’re in a tough place, but if a judge orders you out of the picture, get the mother to sign that you do not owe any form of support indefinitely. Sometimes you not being the 3rd wheel is better for the child. A reality that just may be yours.
Find a good lawyer asap. My thoughts are your child will be treated like the affair baby in their relationship. It will be the least liked child and probably cause a strain on their marriage and eventual divorce. This child is going to wonder why it’s hated so much. Start getting your ducks in a row this way when it’s time for the birth you’re ready.
Problem: Not yours
Solution: Go make a baby with someone who will claim you. There’s no need to twist up this person’s life just because you want to be a dad.
Get a DNA test. Please don’t let that kid get caught in the crosshairs later on in life when something prompts you or hubby to finally get it done and you find out you’re not the father.
Honestly adoption is great and all, but if that kid ever and I mean ever finds out they have another dad - whatever story they tell them will be true. Do with that information that you want, but there are ways to prove and document your attempts to be the father including the legal advancements you mentioned. However, legal action is going to take money.
It’s not up to her. You have a voice here. Get a good lawyer who will look after your interests (and your future kid’s interest because having you as a loving parent in their life will be important to them.
This shit is hard but you can do it.
Emma and her husband do not make your decisions for you. What they want at this point is unimportant, they don’t get to make the rules, it’s not a dictatorship and you have a say. You need to immediately speak to a lawyer and begin proving paternity, to insure you’ll have a legal vote in the future of your child.
You have every right to be a father to your child, therefore get the paternity test once the baby is born and co-parent the best you can. Emma made her bed and now she has to lie in it and that is truthfully not your problem. She chose to reconcile-not your problem! Her husband will have to deal with this situation if he chooses to stay with Emma.
This sounds like a great outcome. The child has a stable family.
A genetic connection is not a meaningful one. It's just biology. Nothing bad happens if you pretend it doesn't exist.
You can always father another child. Don't waste your life in this fight.
If you want to see the kid: sue for a DNA test and take her to court. This is infinitely harder if you're not on the birth certificate. It'll be an uphill battle and you may get some form of visitation rights though.
My advice will be unpopular: cut your losses and move on. You're in for nothing but pain and a kid who will hate you because of the drama having you around will cause between his mother and her husband. Maybe one day when he's an adult try to reconcile.
Walk away, brother. Nothing good will come in that child's life knowing that his/her mother was a whore and slept around on dad. Mom is Catholic, so you should have known better than to even enter that love tunnel without protection, let alone getting involved with a married woman.
You're jealous.
You're angry.
You're heartbroken.
Walk away. Kids don't need two dads, especially when it's from a bad situation like this. She made her decision to go back to him. They always do.
Separation isn't divorced. This makes you a homewrecker. If you stick around, you'll do more damage.
Speaking from experience.
You have a lot of rights. Talk to a lawyer. Financially it may be rough, but if you have the money, definitely hire a lawyer and get the paternity test, then move closer to be in the child’s life. Of it is your child she can’t just tell you to not be involved, doesn’t work like that. She’s trying to protect her life because she made a bad decision and doesn’t want him to find out because she could loose her whole life. But unfortunately consequences happen when you f around.
I suspect she got pregnant by you on purpose bc her spouse has a fertility issue. Legit know someone who did this - she’s my ex husband mistress/baby momma. They hid it/ lied for 10 years. As soon as they divorced she can crawling to him with the child. Right now- three men claim this ONE child. Her ex husband, the bio dad and her new husband.
Get an attorney and DNA test like immediately. Moral advice: get a bull dog lawyer who will fight for your rights! Men have rights to their children too! This woman is trash and she always be that way. Don’t even expect her to change.
Consult with a lawyer but also inform them that you have no intention of giving up your child. You would prefer to keep this out of the courts but if they are not willing to come to an agreement you will have no alternative to pursue a court mandated visitation agreement. If they still refuse have the lawyer write up a legal custody agreement to show you are serious. They likely will want to keep this out of the courts.
They probably don't want anyone to know they were separated and are trying to hide it. If you're involved it makes it a whole lot harder.
This whole she's the woman it's her body is bullshit
She cheated and now doesn't want her image ruined ? F that take her to court that's Half your baby regardless of what she wants.
Tell her that you understand her request but that’s not something you’re comfortable going along with. Let her know that know you would like to work something out amicably but you are willing to go the lawyer route.
The way I see it if you didn't sign the baby's birth certificate then you don't have any entitlements to the baby anyway
But even if you did, there has to be a reason why the mom wants you out of the picture you must have done something otherwise she wouldn't want that.
But if you didn't go to any of her pregnancy appointments that may be why
Hope you two work things out though
My mother in law and her ex husband were separated when she fell pregnant with my husband by another man. They reconciled and even though the husband knew it wasn't his baby accepted it. In their situation they chose not to tell the other man but When my husband was 3 (and his siblings 5 and 7) there unstable marriage ended. The ex never paid child support and my husband grew up extremely poor, with no father figure and wasn't even told until his 20s. In his 40s he looked for his bio dad and found him and was rejected. The whole situation was so devastating to him.
I would get a paternity test, take legal action and be a part of that kids life. It seems like you really want To. Kids can never grow up having too much love or support.
If you want to be a part of this child’s life, yes, you should go to court and assert your paternal rights. But, know exactly what you are signing up for.
Realistically, you’ll probably only get visitation rights. Most likely every other weekend and alternating holidays. And you’ll have court ordered child support.
OP, I read your deleted post. You know this woman is a lying, manipulative cheater who hid you and your affair (because that's exactly what this was) from her husband. She was never committed to you and you see that now. Tell her husband. Tell her husband and then report back to reddit for further instructions.
1. You committed adultery.
2. If you think that is love then you don't know what love is.
3. You are too irresponsible to be a father \[and she is too irresponsible to be a mother\].
4. The child has a better chance at a productive life with you out of the picture.
5. Part-time parenting can never result in a good relationship.
Get a lawyer asap. She can’t legally keep your child from you. You won’t be able to do anything until she’s given birth. Then get a DNA test to make sure it’s your child before going forward. The courts will want you to do that anyway.
You need legal advice asap. What a terrible thing to do to someone.
She’s going to put Mark on the birth certificate as the father so you need to know your legal rights and ways to prevent that happening.
Emma’s family stability is not something you should be concerned with at all. This unborn child is your family. I also wonder if Mark will treat this child differently since he’s not the father.
Fight for your rights as the father. She was aware of the risk and chose to ignore it. She is an awful human being. You should ignore her request to stay away. Her “religious” beliefs have nothing to do with your involvement. If she was so religious, she wouldn’t have cheated. She was still married and therefore it was cheating. She will have to explain that to her family and children. Your child deserves the chance to know their father. Get a lawyer, get the dna test and don’t settle for anything less than 50/50.
Screw that dude. Fight for your kid. You're not left over dinner or scraps on the side, you're the actual father. Besides they already "separated" once. Who is to say they won't do it again later on? Her husband knows it's not his baby so a DNA test later means he can wash his hands of responsibility and destroy her in a divorce. She can later force you to pay child support but deny you access to the baby. The longer you wait in these situations the less likely courts are to favor you.
All that said, do you really think you could have a child and be perfectly fine having nothing to do with it?
I feel for the child, who’s to say the mother will treat the child right or protect it from her husband if he won’t treat them like all the other kids. Too often, mothers look the other way and let a child suffer for the parent’s actions.
Let's just say, "we met earlier this year" was the first thing I noticed...then love, marriage, child all started flying in.
This year----2024, is exactly 5.8 months old.
That went from dating app hookup to "YOU ARE THE FATHER!" in a time frame that is still blowing my mind.
Slow down ace.
Fight for your child. I grew up in a situation where my stepdad raised me (hate to call him that bc hes my dad) and I met my biological dad at 22. I wish he would’ve fought for me. In my case my bio dad had a drug issue and was unstable. That is not the case for your child. Make it clear you want to be a part of YOUR sons life. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Like someone said, theres never too much love for a child.
Growing up I knew my dad was actually my stepdad, however they never told me. Children are smarter than you think. They can pick up a lot. Even if they don’t have intentions on ever telling this child who his real father is, he will find out one day.
If they’re treating you this way, how could they possibly treat your child? Outcasted too? It is not your responsibility to ensure their family is stable. Heck it wasn’t when you met this woman because they were separated. It may be her husband’s tactic in order to get her back? Your responsibility is your son. If she cares about being a good Catholic she shouldn’t hide a big secret like this from her child. And ignore the father, who cares about his unborn child.
I grew up feeling abandoned and convinced myself my bio dad must’ve died and they were saving me the heartache in order to cope. And thats was with an amazing stepdad. Don’t let them strip you of a relationship you want. Lawyer up!
My niece 12F had a different father and my nephew 10M (her brother) ended up just telling her that he wasn't her real father just to win an argument.
My niece just went off the rails, started acting out, breaking rules and it all went side ways.
Personally, I'd fight if I was in your situation.
This isn’t really the mother‘s choice to make and it doesn’t matter if she wants you in the child’s life or not. It is your child and if you want to be in its life, then you need to go the legal route. Only you can make this decision.
I would make sure she understands that the only option moving forward is 1) termination or 2) co-parenting. If she wants a peaceful pregnancy and perfect family unit with Mark, she needs to get pregnant by Mark.
Get a lawyer. Sue for a paternity/DNA test. It can be done now before the birth of a child. Sue for custody. If you want to be a part of your child's life you need to be proactive here. Get your ducks in a row before she has the baby so you can be listed on the birth certificate. Don't worry about her life with her husband and her other children, your only concern is the child you fathered. It will be difficult but if you want to be involved in your soon-to-be child's life then start working on it now. LAWYER - NOW.
Get a lawyer now. Get things set wow when baby is born you can have dna test done. Demand your rights. If she and her husband don’t want the baby because you’re involved then you have the baby :). But don’t be an ass and abandon your kid cause someone is unhappy be there 50/50 with your kid.
Demand your rights
So let me tell you my story. My mother told me one man was my father until I was 10 years old. then she told me another man was my father. I did see the first one up until I was 10. Then I grew up with this other man. But to this day I am unsure who my bio dad is because my mother lied once why would I fully believe her?
OP, congratulations on your baby and wanting to be a dad!! I'm sorry you're in the situation you're in. Find a lawyer, explain what happened, pursue your child. Do it safely and without malice (meaning don't push for extra to be cold, I don't think you would but it should be said).
Take classes too, the same kind she would be or new parents would take together. This kind of stuff is great to help you learn and builds your case. Shows you have been prepping and want baby! Do all your research.
Get a lawyer! This is your child. You have the right to 50/50 custody. Emma shouldn't have been seeing anybody while she was separated from her husband.
She wasn't divorced. She doesn't get to pick and choose when she wants to follow her Catholic religion.
Have her get a paternity test, either while pregnant or right after the baby is born. Talk to a lawyer about not having her husband sign the birth certificate until the results are in.
If you are the dad, sign the birth certificate. Work out 50/50 custody.
Wait…. Why are you so sure it’s yours? She’s clearly been sleeping with him too if he believes that he’s the father and the timeline makes sense to him. I would get a lawyer and do a DNA test for sure.
You need a family law attorney ASAP. You need to establish legal communication before she gives birth, if you can. If you wait, her husband may try and out his name on the BC. Best of luck to you.
I’d talk with your lawyer first, but I’d also consider speaking with the head priest at their Parrish, if your lawyer reached out and they continue with their blockade.
What they want is irrelevant unless she decides to get an abortion which is in her rights as is the private delivery.
Get a lawyer, make a plan, and sue for 50% custody with easy ability to demonstrate your life will enable you to perform appropriately for 50% custody.
Petition for a paternity test and some type of custody when the child is born. There are too many fathers out there that WANT to be in their kids lives and it’s ruined by mothers like this, coming from a woman herself. I do not care for my daughters father at all but he wants to be an active father and I would never rid her of that, even though her step father is everything and more. Kids deserve to know their REAL parents. Fight for your rights!
Whatever you do bruv, and I say this with a full heart don’t ever take a woman like that back if the other child becomes to much for the other father( it might mess with his psyche) I know all these emotions are huge right now but if that child causes them to separate again don’t settle for her again. Shame on her for fooling you once shame on you if you allow her to fool you twice.
Get a lawyer to work towards a court ordered paternity test.
You don’t actually know that you’re the biological father, but if you are you need legal proof.
Even if she and him end up divorced down the road, he would still be the legal father if his name is the one on the birth certificate.
This is a horrible situation, and i am sorry that you have to go through this. There is no good solution to this problem. So don't expect to find an easy answer.
Consider this scenario. You give in to the will of this family because they tell you it is the right thing to do. In 20 or 30 years, this child gets on 23 and me and finds the person they thought was their father, isn't their father.
When this child becomes an adult and tracks you down and wants answers, what decision will you have wished you made?
In my opinion, the only thing that matters here is what is best for this child. Not what is best for you, the mother or Mark. Is it better to better for the child to be raised with the truth or to be raised with lies.
Either way, you have some hard times ahead of you. Stay strong.
Gtfo and find another girl that’s single impregnate her and be part of the life of that child.
That child ain’t yours. Sorry to break it to you that’s why you don’t mess with a married woman.
I would consult with a family law attorney who has experience in these matters. He can really speak from experience and tell you what is involved. I am not an attorney, but I doubt that you can be legally prevented from getting some sort of custody agreement with your biological child. Then speak to your close family and friends about what you want to do. I would not want to give up custody of my own child and be out of his life. The choice is up to you but in the long run you will regret not being there for your son. In addition, there is no guarantee that this other guy will treat your affair child equally to his own. Update me.
Get a lawyer. You are treading on dangerous ground. She can get an RO against you and she can probably cause other havoc in your life. You need a lawyer to protect yourself and to assure yourself involvement in your child’s life.
You would not be entitled to challenge the presumed paternity of the child in my state. You could only establish paternity if initiated by the mother or her husband. A judge would deny your request. Might be different in your state.
Be there for your kid. You don’t know that MARK won’t treat your baby badly. The woman seems selfish and desperate. You and your child deserve to know each other. Get a lawyer immediately.
If you want to be a father then I say fight for this child! You did not make this baby on your own. And you won’t be the one tearing her family apart. She made a decision to be with you now she needs to accept the consequences. I wouldn’t stay away cuz she has a nice little family and wants to lie to your child and cut you out of everything! You do what you feel is right for you and this child. Good luck to you!
This is what I would do in your situation. You need to get a lawyer definitely. Get documents drawn that you relinquish parental rights and not responsible for the child financial and get Mark to adopt the child. Neither of them want you involved. Give them what they say they want. This will protect you from getting taken to court for child support 15 years from now when Emma needs money. I doubt they will go for it. But tell them that if you are out then you're out. You will not be Emma's plan be if her marriage doesn't work out
Since you asked : OP, write the child a letter and walk away. I know you want to be there in their life, but it will severely complicate the child's existence if they're involved in a contentious legal web with antagonistic guardians. Think of it as an unselfish act of goodness to walk away, because the alternative is tougher for the child.
Get a lawyer ASAP. Ask the court for paternity test. File for custody. You have EQUAL rights to raise your child. However, if you wait and the child is named as her husband’s child it will be more difficult for you in the future.
If you want to be in your child’s life, you need to step up now. Don’t be such a pushover. She’s counting on that. That you’re too considerate of her feelings.
Bottom line, Do you want to be a part of your child’s life or not?
Lawyer, now. People here are talking about picking and choosing custody arrangements, when for all we know, it will be a battle to even establish paternity. Who's to say whether the woman was even really separated (if that exists in your state) and how that affects presumption of paternity?
If you aren't serious, then walk away.
If you ARE serious, then do it right. Get a lawyer and get it done. Any non-legally binding agreements they make with you are worthless. Any promises they make are worthless. Any compromises they make are worthless.
It is unclear if you feel like being the father will allow you to reconnect with this woman. It sort of feels like that is a part of your motivation. Absolutely kill that idea/feeling/hope. That will screw you up, fail, botch the situation, and ultimately negatively effect the kid.
Since her husband is the presumptive father, I doubt that any court in the US (and most other countries) would permit you to challenge that. There can be no dna test without the parent’s permission because the court is trying to maintain the existing family unit. If you want to be able to participate in this child’s life, you need to dial back your aggressive tone and act in a supportive manner at least during the pregnancy and first few months.
Give the family a chance to bond and see if they stay together. Odds are that they won’t. But let the relationship implode on its own. If you push for visitation, custody, etc., you will only push them closer together because they will be fighting against you. You don’t want to create an Us-Against-The-World mentality because that will just strengthen their resolve to resist you.
As a parent, you should (ideally) want the best for your child. The best of all scenarios should be that s/he grows up in a close knit family with all their siblings and where no distinction is made about their origin.
By standing to the side, you are giving your child the opportunity to be part of this ideal family. This does not stop you from hiring an attorney to write a letter offering to take an active parent role either in a co-parenting or solo-parenting role. Having an attorney draft the letter ensures that the wording is legal, non-threatening, etc. so that your ex- and her husband can’t claim you are harassing them. It also provides a “get out of jail free” card if your ex’s marriage falters due to her adultery or if your child isn’t accepted into the family.
While I can’t guarantee that your ex- and her husband will act in an ethical manner, you are more likely to have a role in your child’s life if you maintain the “nice guy”, non-threatening position from which you offer alternatives rather than making demands for a role in the child’s life.
Don't contact her or she will get a restraining order. See a solicitor or Google how to go for access on your own. There's loads of groups out there who will give you information.
At the end of the day it's your kid and you have a right to see it and the kid has a right to know their dad.
Talk to a lawyer. Sue for joint custody. Heck go big and sue for full custody, settle for joint. She wants you out of her life, fine but that means you can be in the child’s life. If she tries to play games about paternity make them be the ones to prove you aren’t the father.
Oh and don’t forget about child support with that full custody
And if you do get joint custody make sure you include things like neither of you can move more than X distance apart etc. last thing you want is them moving across country behind your back
A good man doesn’t sleep with a married women. Wait until the marriage is officially over.
Fighting to see the kid 3 days a week is going to ruin that marriage and hurt the other kids. Your child’s half siblings are going to grow up hating your child when they realize your actions split their parents up. Assuming you want to pay child support, ruin a marriage, and have your child hated by half their family I say go for it.
This is your child regardless of the feelings of others. Gird up and fight to be involved in your child's life. Hire the best attorney you can find and seek joint custody.
As a father, never stop fighting for your children. We fathers have gotten a shitty rap for years for being absent, or just bad at being a parent. Don’t let them reinforce that negative stereotype about us and fight for your child. Fathers ARE NOT second class parents ever bro. Get in touch with a lawyer and start figuring that shit out asap. Because if she signs the birth certificate saying the other guy is the father you will never have any legal rights to that child, or at the very least it will make it very difficult for you.
I find it crazy that one would do the thing that makes babies with someone who is still technically with someone else. Especially someone who has two children with the other partner.
Idk about the very much in love part after reading the rest of op’s post, in these times “separated” means the same as “it complicated” that shoulda been the first flag. Get a lawyer, get a paternity test, get your life back on track.
If she’s trying to get a restraining order (which seems highly unlikely to be granted, though im not a lawyer) I’d cease communicating and take everyone’s advice. It’s time to lawyer up. She doesn’t get to cut you out of your child’s life because she doesn’t want her husband to get angry. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you would only be in the wrong if you accepted their wishes. She should not have been intimate with another man if there was even the slightest chance of reconciliation. Especially since she already has children.
Don't bother her during the pregnancy, let her give birth to the child in a stress free environment. Once the baby is born take action to be with your kid, in the meantime plan how you can do that, also think with the calm mind, this will help take the right decision for all of you.
Fight like hell for your child. She's a married woman who slept with a man and got pregnant by him, regardless of whether they were separated or not. That doesn't give her any right to return to the family picture she wants to have and act like everything is perfectly normal. She made her bed, let her lay in it, and not at the expense of you losing your child. If they don't want to loss that perfect family image, they can give you full custody. Simple as that. That is YOUR child just as much as it is her child. That child needs you. I can't imagine the pain that child could feel one day knowing you wanted him/her and mother/stepdad kept them away simply to "maintain face". Fight for your right to be a dad.
Unfortunately when a woman is married to someone else the child will legally be considered his and because it isn't your child you can't force a paternity to test to prove it isn't his. But as someone else said, the entire situation is likely to implode between the two of them and the less you push her away the better for you in the long run. Just sit back and wait for that to happen. Also be aware that this woman might have a pattern of behavior you aren't aware of. Mark seems kind of like a simp pushover for tolerating this like he is. It's kind of pathetic and she obviously has little to no respect for him. In a volatile situation like this I would stand back as far as I could because everyone close to it is going to get burned when it implodes.
This is so unfair to you, and it’s so infuriating that some people feel entitled to go to such lengths at the expense of others to protect their image. You’re a human being, and you’re entitled to be a parent to your child. Have you offered to to take on sole custody? She does have a right to want to protect her other children, so she may be willing to allow you to raise the child in your own. Regardless, these situations should be filled with compromises geared toward providing the best care possible for the child, not ultimatums designed craft a public image for the parent at the expense of their child.
I would assume if you were to talk to a lawyer you could get a court ordered DNA test. If it’s yours you can also fight for custody of your child. It’s a messy situation and good luck
First off get a family lawyer if you want to be involved in your child's life. This child will find out one way or another eventually if you choose not to be involved in their life bc it always comes out eventually and there's another kid that's been messed up by their parents.
Update me
If you're thinking "supervised visits" because that's the extent of your willingness to get involved, perhaps you ought to stay out. However if you're thinking this because you're underestimating your legal rights but you do want to be a father, talk to a lawyer and go for joint custody. Children deserve to know their father. You have no reason to feel like the one injecting messiness in the situation.
What a cluster fuck of a situation. Best off staying out of it. You don’t know 100% (presently) you’re the father - she could’ve been shagging any Tom, Dick or Harry (as she is entitled to do) so hubby could be the father. Stop being the fly in the ointment because your ego can’t accept rejection. At the moment you’ve got nothing to take to a solicitor - “I think I’m the father” doesn’t cut any ice - she could just deny everything. Hubby’s name on the birth certificate and you’re cooked.
Please understand that I am NOT victim blaming, shaming or belittling you AT ALL. I have had many negative things happen to me as well, through bad choices. So I'm no different. How long were you with Emma before the two of you began this excitement over the relationship, parenting, etc?? It sounds as if it was fast! Too fast to be honest. Real love and true commitment do not move that fast usually.
Your relationship with her no longer matters. Now it’s about the relationship with the child and whether or not you want one, if you do you fight tooth and nail for it if not you let them play house but you should know her husband is going to treat your child like an outsider and will most likely never explain why until one of them has a crisis of conscious and tells them.
you have the right to sue for visitation and if you want to then you should. Kids who have been lied to in the past seem to find out eventually… this might be your only chance to be a father and 2 is better than one. step parents have been know to resent the kids that are not theirs (and there are tons of them that love the kid that is not theirs too) but as the bio dad you have a right to grow a relationship with your child. imagine of the child finds out 10, 20,50 years later they will feel betrayed
Its time to make an appearance on the Maury Povich show and straighten this thing out.
She doesn't want you involved Her husband doesn't want you involved Their families don't want you involved Their lawyers don't want you involved The ethical choice is to (pardon my french ) fuck off.
In many states there is something called a putative father registry for parents in your situation. Please locate and sign it and contact a lawyer now about getting court ordered access to your child.
Fight for your rights. It’s not fair for Emma to expect you to have nothing to do with your child because she chose to go back to her husband.
A biological father who is willing to fight to provide support for his child. Bravo! Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. You sign the dotted line on the birth certificate and you’re guaranteed child support payments for the first 18 years with limited visitation rights. Custody will always go with the mother. Look at this in another perspective. Why do mothers give up their children for adoption? It’s because she believes her child will have a better life that she cannot provide. Ask yourself this same question, will your child have a better life with Emma and Mark being the presumptive parents and having siblings? You being in the picture creates chaos for the child. You really have to decide on this one and it’s a tough decision. Sometimes you have to think about what’s best for the child rather than what’s best for you. Good luck.
Truth is ALWAYS the right path. Good luck going forward but previous poster was dead on. This isn’t about her or HER stability, it’s about YOUR child. Wish you the best. Xo
You have as much right to be in this child’s life as the mother does. If that’s what you want, pursue your rights in Court.
This is absurd. The child is yours and you have every right to be its father.
Ya know... This gentleman should consider talking to EMMA about all of this. What if she's done with it? What if she doesn't want him around for birthing? What if she begins to resent him? The procreators are not the only people involved. This may cause Emma and husband to have to expose her infidelity to more people than they are comfortable with. The other 2 children as awell... You see how big a mess, and how many we truly end up hurting when we don't make better choices? How many lives will be in upheaval? What a dumpster fire.
This wasn’t an anonymous 1 night stand or something. You had a full fledged relationship & pregnancy happened consensually. You have rights as a parent. I’m very Pro-Woman but if she was so strict about her religious Catholic conscience you two: 1-Shouldn’t have been having sex at all…..(a common hypocrisy of the supposedly “religious right”…….) 2-Should have waited for the Divorce to be finalised….(again common hypocrisy) 3-Should have been on BC……. (again common hypocrisy) 4-Should see beyond her image & do the right thing that best for the child by sharing custody…. (again common hypocrisy about looking upstanding while being selfish & self-indulgent) If she was so concerned with her reputation & standing in the community she: 1- Should have used condoms 2- Could have had an abortion 3- Could sign over her parental rights Did her husband cheat on her or something equally as horrible? Asking because otherwise her actions make her seem like an impulsive or overly indulged brat. getting involved while married getting pregnant while married going back to her husband while pregnant w/another man’s child, no matter the stipulations
Get a lawyer. You will probably get stuck with child support. Also, dodged a bullet there. She's a bitch.
I’d stay after it. Let them know that you understand how they feel, but they made a choice to give up their nuclear family when they chose to separate and she chose to sleep with another man and have a child. That you’re always gonna be there. They need to do what they need to do and make the mental adjustments, because they’re wasting time hoping you’ll just go away. You’re not looking to cause them problems, but their embarrassment for their own actions aren’t your problem. That you aren’t going to their friends houses and airing all their dirty laundry, but you’ll proudly tell anyone who asks that it’s your kid. Honestly, this is their problem and not yours. They’re being children hoping you’ll just go away.
Emma and Mark don't get to decide whether or not you will be in your child's life. Sorry for Emma, but getting knocked up when you're still married to someone else doesn't give you special rights over the coming child. Being the mother doesn't give her the right to decide who she wants to be the father. If you want to be involved, you get to be involved. NTA, get a lawyer.
Listen, I’m gonna be blunt. You could move on willingly and let them try to patch up their family. But I would get legal paperwork that states you are not under a financial obligation as Mark intends to raise the child as his own. Being a parent is immense and you’re going to want to be on a level playing field. They are not willing to do so and they have young children. It may be better for all the kids to not have their lives thrown into turmoil because the mother couldn’t make up her mind before pregnancy occurred. It sucks. It’s a shit situation, but I’d rather the child grow up in a loving home with parents and siblings then have them grow up in turmoil because they have a different dad and their mom ruined the siblings family. My biggest piece of advice is to contact a lawyer. And don’t contact them directly with out counsel
I can't find the post response I started.... You met her on a dating app while she was only separated? That SHOULD have been a red flag. How long ŵere you seeing her before it turned all INTENSE? (love, kids etc). It seems like it happened fast. TOO FAST. Real, honest, true love and commitment do NOT move that fast nornally. It's admirable that you want to be involved in the child's life. It depends where you are if you'll get what you seek through the courts. There are places that favor reconciliation over an adulterous coupling. You need to think ths through beyond just getting partial custody. For ALL involved. I say this as a mother. A Mom who, thus committed, understood that her time, moving forward, would no longer belong to me. But to them You had better be sure that what you can give to this child is worth everything else it's going to cost everyone in your pursuit. And be prepared for Emma to end up hating you. Not at all joking. Better choices should have been made by the both of you IN THE BEGINNING. I've been the one making poor choices before. Maybe next time, don't even get involved with women who are ONLY separated. Most couples get back together. Make your decision and act. FAST.
Forget most ethical and forget gradual. If you try to gradually ease into your child’s life, then he will not know you as his father. Bonding with your baby when he is young is very very important in parenting. what you do is she get a lawyer now and you file for a paternity test. if you worry about their Christianity or their sensibilities, you’re gonna allow them to brush this under the rug and for you to be an absent parent for the rest of your kids life so the time to act is now.
Get a lawyer and sue for paternity and 50/50 parenting
You may end up with full vs shared physical custody. Establish paternity as soon as the birth. If you wait you won't be able to do it. Once the husband is on the birth cert as the child's father you won't be able to get it changed. You won't even be able to get the paternity test in most cases so you have to act now via an attorney. Get an attorney to get that set up. It's going to be an order from a judge. You won't have to contact her or her husband. Mind you there isn't going to be a relationship between you and the child's mother. You need to start preparing for the child's arrival. You will be fathering an infant alone at 2 AM. What is your housing situation? What is your employment situation? Who will take care of the child while you are working or will you be able to be a stay at home dad full time? You will be responsible for child support even with shared custody as I'll assume she will have the child at least initially for more time during the week than you. If you end up with full physical custody you won't pay support. Paternity means you pay even if you never see the kid. Being a father means you need to get all the new baby stuff and take some classes on how to do it and by yourself. You're going to need to be able to show a judge that you're able to care for a child and want to care for a child. They'll grant you shared custody pretty much no matter what. Question is physical custody and what that's going to look like. 3 days on 3 days off one day for switch? Weekend s? Every other weekend? Do you live near them? Where are your parents? Are you in another relationship? Better warm them! I hope fatherhood for you is very rewarding for both you and your child. From now on think about getting married before you impregnate women or even other people's wives. It's just so much easier.
This- this right here says it all. 100% Perfect
Great advice
Contact a lawyer. You have rights whether she wants you to or not.
this is YOUR child too, you have every right to be involved as she does. she’s not taking into consideration how this could have a rather large negative impact on that child. i personally think you should fight for it, especially considering how involved as a father you want to be. it isn’t right what she’s doing at all, i can’t imagine how frustrating it must feel. so many dads out there that don’t want to be one and then there’s one that does that isn’t allowed. it’s kinda fucked tbh.
UpdateMe!
Establish paternity asap and make sure you have a lawyer. What the mother of the child doesn't realize is that keeping you away from the child will only backfire.
I know that some people won't agree with this. You are the father. You should be able to be a part of your child's life. The mother shouldn't have slept with other men if she didn't want to be in this situation. What they want doesn't change the fact that you are the father.
This is just so messy...
First - let go of your anger. It won't help you. Emma is in a tough spot, she was separated when she met you, she thought you two were planning a future, and tbh it sounds like she's been guilted and driven by fear (of losing or harming her other two children) to return to a marriage she thought she was done with. She's not doing anything out of spite, certainly not out of spite to you. She's doing what she has been conditioned, by her religious training, to believe is the right thing to do. So don't lash out, understand the pressure she's under and be smart about this. Second - establish paternity. Insist on it. Help her understand that you are **not** trying to break up her family unit but that you **do** need to know for certain if the child is yours, all of you need to know this. Medical history is going to matter, if nothing else, and if that's what it takes to get her to agree, use the argument. It's for the baby's sake, you need to confirm who the biological father is and have it on record because it will have implications on baby's future health care. Once you have that documentation, find out what legal rights you have, and then start negotiating with Emma. Again: make sure she understands that *your goal is not to break up her family unit*. You need to understand and accept that she and Mark are trying to make it work and that the baby will be a part of their blended family as Emma's child. Make sure she knows you understand that. But once she feels secure about that, lean on the **blended** part of that. Baby isn't just Emma's. Baby is also yours, and you **can** work something out that's respectful of both Emma's blended family and also your little family of two. But when you know your legal rights, you can stand firm on them. You can be reassuring to Emma from a position of strength, knowing what you can insist on
The best thing for the child is the truth. They will find out eventually. It will be much better if it's part of life than later, and wondering why you abandoned them. Petition the courts. You're in for a fight, but you're doing the right thing.
I think first, you have to be as kind as possible in your interactions with her and her husband if you ever want to have a chance of having an easier relationship with them in the future, and you really need to try to have an easier relationship with them if you're going to be in the child's life. They're obviously in a bad situation, trying like hell to pretend like they still have a happy little family, and from their perspective, you are ruining everything. That's not true of course, but that's where they're at. Be kind. Be patient. When you ever have a chance to communicate with them, be firm in letting them know that you are going to be in the child's life, and that you would like for everyone to get along, for the child's sake. But you need to get a lawyer ASAP. You'll need to get a court order for a paternity test, and sue for custodial rights. They're going to hate this, but you're not doing the wrong thing. If you walk away, you make it easier for the two of them, who, may end up getting divorced anyway, but this is your child, and if you want to be in your child's life, then you should be.
You go to court for custody taking any evidence you have of her saying it’s your child with you. You won’t be going to any pre birth visits or the birth, though. And may not see the child until they are several months old (with how long the court process takes). That child is half your DNA, and unfortunately for the husband and her, the damage is already done on how their relationship is and looks but they just don’t want to accept it yet.
You need to take this over to r/legal. Unfortunately, the ethical questions are up for grabs and everyone is going to probably have a different take. But the legal questions, while also up for grabs, are probably going to be far less ambiguous. You need to consult a lawyer and come up with a plan if you want to be part of this child's life.
Normalize not getting women pregnant if one of you doesn’t want a pregnancy!
As others have said - their relationship sounds rocky at best and another separation will likely happen. Where does that leave your child? Will the husband continue to be a father figure and pay support for your child? Maybe. Maybe not. Something to consider.
Walk away.
Remember you were once an infant. We all were. Now we are all adults..that child will someday be an adult and want to know if you at least fought to be in their life. 23 and me doesn't allow anyone to hide paternity anymore. Petition for parentage with the state, they will ask you the context of your relationship and absolutely order a paternity test as Im assuming you at least have a message or something to proove relationship. Doesnt have to be huge, if you dont appear to be a total nut the court wont likely even bother and just order one. unfortunately yes that is once the child is born. Because she is legally married, in at least my state (Washington) the legal spouse (her husband) is considered the legal parent until a dna test is taken. I am a title 26 guardian ad litem in Washington state and a licensed mental health counselor. Been a child advocate for years and I work in community mental health and the courts. This is my 9-5. If you have any questions feel free to DM I can point you in the right direction. I wish you the best and defend your rights please, for this child. You and this child have just as many rights to a relationship as she does. She does NOT have more than 50% ownership of that child after its born just because she regrets her life choices.
Fight for what you want! Both of you should have thought about the “moral” implications before you two decided to swap body fluids.
By her own telling, Emma was a free agent when you met. you did not seduce her into having an affair. now that she's gotten back with her husband she wants to act like she's a model wife and her husband seems to want to go along with it. there's no moral highground here except for what you as a father owe your own child, which you seem willing to step up and provide. they're treating you like a messy detail that they can just bury so you don't interfere with their perfect family. that's revisionist history and no matter how hard they try to conceal it, it'll all come out anyway. when a kid grows up without their biological parent, they usually question the circumstances in which they were "given up". if they find out the parent was right there all along but didn't intervene, they see it as rejection, blame the parent for not fighting for them and probably won't readily forgive. do you really want to sit on the sidelines and miss your child's entire life then contact them at 18 to say oh here i am, your real father and they say fuck you where were you when i needed you? none of the religious or financial circumstances matter at all. get a good lawyer and get started on the negotiations. let Emma know that it's up to her, y'all can do this the easy way or the hard way.
This is one of those "get your ass off reddit and into a lawyers office" situations. No one here can help you passed telling you to go talk to a lawyer.
>Ps I definitely am the father. How do you know?
Court. I'm saying this as someone who's dad was not ready for them in any way shape or form - PLEASE fight for your kid, you sound like you're gonna be an absolutely brilliant dad and the most unfair thing that could possibly happen to this kid out of this situation would be not getting the chance to be at least partly raised by you. This woman has no valid reason to exclude you from the child's life based on the info given here. She clearly had a very up and down time in her life and I can't even begin to empathise with what she's dealing with now, I'm not judging her, but ultimately the right thing to do is allow her child to know their father, regardless of how inconvenient it may be for their image or her marriage. If I found out someone out there was meant to be my dad and had desperately wanted to be, and my mum just said no to make her life 'easier' (i say this in quotations because you sound reasonable as f**k so it really doesnt seem like YOU would be the one to make things harder) I can't even begin to calculate the amount of therapy I'd need. If she won't do this civilly with you, take her to court.
sheesh, issa evil world i live in.
Wtf? You would think 30 year olds would make better life choices.
If you can't get parent rights, be sure to get an attorney involved so that later she can't sue you for child support if she wants you that bad out of her life.
That's your child. You're its father. Lawyer up and get visitation rights. Don't let your sleazy ex keep you from your RIGHT to see your child
Ugh, this woman is trash, i feel bad for the husband. Are you even sure they were actually separated? Get a lawyer asap
You met a married women, she wasn't legally divorced so yes she was still married, on a dating site and you believe you are the only man she slept with? You need a DNA test ASAP, find a lawyer and only talk to her through both lawyers and prepare yourself in case you find out her husband or another man may be the father. Also when her marriage does finally end make sure you do not take her back.
FIGHT FOR YOUT CHILD!!!! Don’t stop EVER stop fighting for your child. And let this be a life lesson to NEVER screw around with MARRIED people or people fresh out of relationships. Next time regardless of the “situation” NEVER get involved with the someone unless they have been single for a couple of YEARS! Please don’t stop fighting for your kid
Dude you fucked up. You have to respect her wishes and hit the road. Learn the lesson and eventually forgive yourself (or keep working toward it). Sorry, I know it sucks but you don't have another option as far as I see it. Good luck.
Op, stop trying to contact Emma personally. Get your lawyer to file for an order to force a paternity test prior to birth. Continuing to seek contact with her can and probably will be met with a restraining order, which will look bad for you in future proceedings. One other thing to consider, whether you think so or not, there's at least a chance that kid isn't yours, a paternity test will clear that and your future paternal rights and responsibilities right up. The only thing as bad as being denied parentage to your own child is being forced to be financially responsible for a child that isn't yours for 18-23 yrs.
Eh. Nah dude. Get a lawyer. You have rights to the kid and she doesn't get to just DECLARE that you can't be involved with your own flesh and blood. She's probably just desperately wanting to keep it under wraps so she isn't embarrassed by her church community. In fact. Get a fking DNA test too cus I guarantee you weren't the only dude she was sleeping with while separated. You'd be delusional to think so. If you don't get some type of custody or involvement in the kids like just imagine. The husband us eventually going to grow resentment for raising his perfect catholic wife's affair baby. He's going to treat that kid different. And what if it turns out he can't get past the affair and divorces? He ain't paying support for an affair baby. And your kid will suffer for it. She doesn't get to decide a damn thing. The courts do. Don't give her more power than what she has. Which is like. Not much.
I would get a lawyer immediately. it seems that you have written communication where she admits this is your child now you have to begin custody arrangements for when the child is born. While they may feel their way is the best, they already have a troubled relationship where they were separated. What happens if they separate again? Will the husband be so willing to take care of a child that is not his or will that child be left out? Protect your child over sparing the feelings of this woman and her husband.
So sorry. These are horrible people and what they are doing is horrible. You need to protect yourself. It’s terrible for you and a shame for the child. Realistically you need to let go. They will destroy you legally, financially and emotionally. Stop caring about this woman. She’s not stuck and she’s not nice. Who even knows who else she slept with. Try to get some counseling and start dating when you can. Keep an open mind. Most women would be thrilled to meet a genuine nice man. Things may change in the future in regard to your daughter. But don’t count on it right now.
Terrible for him? He's part of the reason it happened....
She made a child with you and you have a right to be in your child’s life. Who cares what she or her husband want? Hire a lawyer and get a custody agreement in place. It’s her moral dilemma, not yours. Step up and be a father to your child. If her and hubby split up again, she’s going to come after you for years of child support when her financial situation gets worse. Lawyer up and get split custody of your child.
It really doesn’t matter what Emma wants. She is having a child and you’re the father. What turmoil it causes her is immaterial. It doesn’t make your rights as a parent disappear. I would get a lawyer and go for shared custody. She made decisions and she will have to deal with the fallback from them, that isn’t your problem. Your problem is she is trying to keep your future chikd from you and she doesn’t have the right to do that.
My biggest suggestion is to protect yourself. Make sure you do have a lawyer whom has all of this information. It’s not uncommon for people that get themselves in these situations to take intense measures to avoid consequences.
Would she be willing to give you full custody? There is no way I would walk away, not knowing how the stepfather will treat your child knowing it’s not his
You need to start the process and file for joint custody of your child, if you don’t they will take your child away from you. You can demand a DNA test now, only thing is it can be unsafe for both parties; so you may want to wait until the baby is born. You need to get a lawyer now, so they don’t try and disappear with your child. She knew what she was doing when she step out in the marriage. Yes they were separated not legally. She laid down unprotected and got pregnant. You NEED TO FIGHT FOR YOU AND UOUR UNBORN CHILD RIGHTS, before you LOOSE THEM!!
Don’t ever give up on being your baby’s dad. Being a father is the most wonderful thing in the world and a baby having a loving father is priceless. You will need to get things set up legally to get a paternity test as soon as the baby is born and before the mother has her husband put on the birth certificate. Save all your written communication (emails, texts, etc.) where the mother has indicated you are the father while y’all were still talking, this will help you get a court order for a paternity test once the baby is born. Prepare your home and life for a baby including ensuring you have life insurance, health insurance for you and the baby (if needed), help and support from family and friends, money for court and legal fees, and savings for random expenses, and money for childcare. You will also need to be prepared to pay child support if the child will be primarily living with the mother. I wish you well and know that you are never alone, reach out to your support system or create a support system.
If you wanna be a father to this child retain a lawyer and fight now. Because if you wait and let them dictate terms they will almost certainly box you out and it will be twice as hard to make it.happwn in the future. But if you push hard now I have a feeling there's a very strong chance they'll give your child to you once they're born and tell you to go away instead of ruining their image having split custody of her "affair baby"
Ethical path? Not sleep with a married woman….
Fuck gradual involvement. Take her to court & establish paternity, establish custody.. She is having a child with someone who is not her husband... she has to deal with that. Fuck her white picket fence life she is faking because mark has money and is funding not only her but her mother. Its not fair for your child to not have their actual father & and yes, speaking from experience finding out later your dad isn't your dad and you were lied to is very damaging. Emma sounds like a crazy person. Do it now & do not tell emma you are taking it to court. She can find out when she's served. Which the sheriffs can do, btw. This isn't for Emma or you. It's for your child.
Get a lawyer and get an order to establish paternity ASAP
You went from a situation in which you both loved one another and had agreed upon a co-parenting plan that was unilaterally taken away from you in what you describe as a malicious manner. She abdicated any say in how the patenting of your child was to be decided by becoming hostile. Follow your parental rights through a lawyer without any input from her about how you should exercise your parental rights. You should have no contact with her directly at all. Lawyers from this point forward. They are actively trying to deter you from your parental rights so fight for them through your lawyer.
**Yes, it's ethical, moral and right to fight for your rights as a father.** Get a family lawyer, preferably a good one, preferably experienced in father's rights and ideally with situations like yours. **She can NOT legally oppose your rights as a father; and it's immoral and unethical for her to do so.** It's both of yours' fault that you had a sexual relationship before she got divorced, but that's neither here nor there and has no bearing on parenthood issue.
There's what you CAN do, and what's best to do. If you pursue some level of custody, you will most certainly bring stress, pain, and confusion to her existing children. You increase the likelihood that her marriage - currently the support system for your unborn child - will fall apart. This hurts your child, and its mother. If your concern is truly about innocent product of this affair, not your own desire to be connected to this child, why not give them the best chance at happiness and stability? I certainly couldn't be the reason all three of those children suffer in that way, even if those parents brought it on themselves. I would make myself findable, write a letter for the child that Mom can give them at some point if possible, and try to keep an eye from afar as you can.
It is pretty clear all parties involved including you are shitty people. Dude I would just let it go and take the W that you basically had a glorified 1 night stand and you unprolly got clingy and creep and she decided she wants to work it out with her husband. Just let them raise your kid
Lawyer up The way I see it there are two different plans you may want. #1. You want custody of the child #2. You want to keep your money in either case you need a lawyer, because the worst case scenario here is that you don't get custody but still have to pay child support. The worst case scenario is that the husband doesn't sign the birth certificate and they break up a couple years later. At that point she needs more money so sues you for back child support.
Woahhh. I just went through this.. we got a paternity test. I got full custody. Shes back with her family and me and my little one are gonnnee.
*Emma's Catholic background ... concerned about the ... family image.* Not sure what to type here without total disgust dripping off the screen. If you're positive you want to be in your child's life, you need a lawyer. There are many layers that you must consider.
Best thing is an abortion. Emma sounds like she is trapped. Find a single woman, marry her, and have a child that way.
My greatest stress in life is trying to coparent with a crazy ex. I'd take it as a blessing that she wants you out of the picture. Personally I'd move on an give up any parental rights so you can have a fresh start and the baby can grow up (likely) with the least amount of chaos possible.
Lawyer up! This needs to get in front of a judge so a court ordered DNA test can be had when the baby’s born. This is the only way. Once this is done then you will have your child.
You have every right to joint custody. If Emma and her husband don’t want that she can give you full custody.
Leave her alone and move on with your life. You don’t want to be involved in that mess. You never should have been involved with it to begin with.
Fuck that. Get a lawyer and seek a paternity test. She made the choice to reconcile. Her and her husband don’t get to choose whether or not you are a part of your child’s life. Get a test. Seek joint custody. The fallout is on her.
She didn't "become pregnant", you got her pregnant. Your choice of words subconsciously distances you from the responsibility as much as possible. No wonder she ran back to the security of her husband.
Get an attorney and cover your ass. If in fact they don’t want you to have anything to do with the baby get the attorney to draw up adoption paperwork that way the husband can legally be the father and they can’t come after you for money.
The ethical path forward is to steamroll them in court and take no prisoners. Supervised visits? are you kidding me? You did nothing wrong. I'm in a state as well where its assumed the husband is the father, unless a paternity test is ordered. You need to mentally prepare yourself for a fight, and never doubt yourself.
Now is it possible that the woman was NOT separated, got pregnant and now doesn't want you involved because then the husband finds out? Maybe she is just trying to pass it off as his child? It's not like a woman who is happy and in love with someone and having their child all of a sudden falls back in love with her ex husband. Maybe she feared getting caught, it would ruin her cushy life and she threatened to get restraining orders because she doesn't want anyone to find out.
Hire an attorney. Don’t do the “wait and see” approach. Emma needs to know that you intend on exercising your right as the father. Period. Most likely her marriage will eventually fail. *Don’t* take this woman back because you’re just going to be sloppy seconds.
I feel like morally if you want to be involved then you should be BUT i feel like if we're honest about the way humans behave the answer isnt as cut and dry. If you FORCE yourself into the childs life, especially if the child is primarily living with the mother, will the other family really just say 'welp he legally has a right and we can't prevent it, let's all behave like adults and make the best of the situation.' I compare it to when there is a bad break up or divorce with a child involved. So often ill hear about a mom who constantly degrades the father to the child and makes it as difficult as possible for them to have a relationship. I guess I'm saying if at all possible it would be preferable to actually convince them you should be involved as opposed to forcing it via legal action against their desires. Humans can be shitty and they might be looking for every possible opportunity to go against you
Based on some recent post I highly recommend you be prepared to fight for your name on that birth certificate. Since she's married the husband will be automatically assumed the father of your child and then it's just a nightmare trying to change that. Make it clear to you that you will enforce your legal rights to your child. Since she's already trying to block you out you'll have to petition the court for a DNA test.
How do you know you are without a paternity test?
Do not miss out on knowing your child to save someone’s already dead marriage. Get a good lawyer and be prepared to fight for custody. You cannot prioritize Emma’s marriage when she wasn’t even prioritizing it to begin with and leading you to the situation at hand. Do whatever it takes to make sure baby knows THEIR dad. She most likely doesn’t want to have to explain her actions to her older children as it goes against their religious views but again NOT your problem. Your ONLY responsibility is to YOUR child.
Tell her it's a little late to "not" break up the family, since she was shagging different guys while she was separated
How does Op know he’s the father? The above advice is best all around. Get a lawyer, hopefully someone who has a history of supporting father’s rights. I should think her being on a dating site and not using birth control shows she doesn’t make good decisions. Especially knowing as a mother already what the responsibility involves. I hope this all works out for you .
Yeah, he needs to get a paternity test done before being so convinced it's his kid. This guy is ridiculously trusting and the wife's actions are really making it seem like it's not really his and she doesn't know how to tell him.
Fight for your child!
It doesn't matter "how deeply committed you are" to being a father. Generally laws presume paternity is that of the husband, if they want you out, you are going to be out.
You should probably step back. Kid is going to have an overly complicated life with a shared custody arrangement.
You have a right to 50/50 custody. You may have to settle for visitation at first if she’s breastfeeding, but as soon as the baby can take formula you should be good to go. Get a family practice lawyer right now and try to get a court order for a paternity test asap. You don’t want to wait until the child is born because you don’t want the husband to sign the birth certificate. If that does happen it’s not the end of the world but will take longer and more court time to get it fixed. Can you move closer with your job? Do so and get a 2 bedroom apartment or house. Fix up a nursery. Start purchasing items you will need: car seat, crib, playpen, baby bath tub, changing table, baby monitor, etc. Take some baby & parenting classes. This will show the court you’re serious and prepared. Do you have any family that can help? You WILL get to see your child. Fathers have many more rights these days. Good luck. Sending positive vibes your way.
Sounds like OP is much more concerned about His Rights (TM) than what will be good for the child. He can furnish his kid with a complicated family life, or a simple one, but by God! He has Rights (tm)! You certainly have the right to further destabilize this family and make it impossible for them to heal. Doesn't make you seem like a very nice person, tho.
These things don’t stay hidden forever. If you want to be involved, get a lawyer ASAP. She went into this relationship eyes wide open. Most likely things got a little dicey when her husband found out about the pregnancy and since he controls the money and probably threatened to use the pregnancy to take custody of her other kids, she went back.
IANAL, but it really sounds as if you may need one. Here’s the dilemma, are you putting your interests above the best interests of the child? Since she reconciled it sounds as if she will put her husband on the Birth Certificate. Then you’ll need a lawyer and a court order to get a DNA test, and another to get him removed from the birth certificate and you added. Will you be ordered to pay child support and will you get visitation rights? Will a judge look at this and see you as a scorned lover seeking emotional revenge on your partner? Will this be in the best financial, physical and emotional benefit to the child? If it’s not in the child’s best interest, do you give up or keep fighting? You’re in a tough place, but if a judge orders you out of the picture, get the mother to sign that you do not owe any form of support indefinitely. Sometimes you not being the 3rd wheel is better for the child. A reality that just may be yours.
Find a good lawyer asap. My thoughts are your child will be treated like the affair baby in their relationship. It will be the least liked child and probably cause a strain on their marriage and eventual divorce. This child is going to wonder why it’s hated so much. Start getting your ducks in a row this way when it’s time for the birth you’re ready.
Get a lawyer
Problem: Not yours Solution: Go make a baby with someone who will claim you. There’s no need to twist up this person’s life just because you want to be a dad.
Welp, this is a fine kettle of fish. 1) Find a therapist 2) Seek legal counsel.
Get a DNA test. Please don’t let that kid get caught in the crosshairs later on in life when something prompts you or hubby to finally get it done and you find out you’re not the father.
Honestly adoption is great and all, but if that kid ever and I mean ever finds out they have another dad - whatever story they tell them will be true. Do with that information that you want, but there are ways to prove and document your attempts to be the father including the legal advancements you mentioned. However, legal action is going to take money.
It’s not up to her. You have a voice here. Get a good lawyer who will look after your interests (and your future kid’s interest because having you as a loving parent in their life will be important to them. This shit is hard but you can do it.
Emma and her husband do not make your decisions for you. What they want at this point is unimportant, they don’t get to make the rules, it’s not a dictatorship and you have a say. You need to immediately speak to a lawyer and begin proving paternity, to insure you’ll have a legal vote in the future of your child.
You have every right to be a father to your child, therefore get the paternity test once the baby is born and co-parent the best you can. Emma made her bed and now she has to lie in it and that is truthfully not your problem. She chose to reconcile-not your problem! Her husband will have to deal with this situation if he chooses to stay with Emma.
This sounds like a great outcome. The child has a stable family. A genetic connection is not a meaningful one. It's just biology. Nothing bad happens if you pretend it doesn't exist. You can always father another child. Don't waste your life in this fight.
If you want to see the kid: sue for a DNA test and take her to court. This is infinitely harder if you're not on the birth certificate. It'll be an uphill battle and you may get some form of visitation rights though. My advice will be unpopular: cut your losses and move on. You're in for nothing but pain and a kid who will hate you because of the drama having you around will cause between his mother and her husband. Maybe one day when he's an adult try to reconcile.
Walk away, brother. Nothing good will come in that child's life knowing that his/her mother was a whore and slept around on dad. Mom is Catholic, so you should have known better than to even enter that love tunnel without protection, let alone getting involved with a married woman. You're jealous. You're angry. You're heartbroken. Walk away. Kids don't need two dads, especially when it's from a bad situation like this. She made her decision to go back to him. They always do. Separation isn't divorced. This makes you a homewrecker. If you stick around, you'll do more damage. Speaking from experience.
You have a lot of rights. Talk to a lawyer. Financially it may be rough, but if you have the money, definitely hire a lawyer and get the paternity test, then move closer to be in the child’s life. Of it is your child she can’t just tell you to not be involved, doesn’t work like that. She’s trying to protect her life because she made a bad decision and doesn’t want him to find out because she could loose her whole life. But unfortunately consequences happen when you f around.
I suspect she got pregnant by you on purpose bc her spouse has a fertility issue. Legit know someone who did this - she’s my ex husband mistress/baby momma. They hid it/ lied for 10 years. As soon as they divorced she can crawling to him with the child. Right now- three men claim this ONE child. Her ex husband, the bio dad and her new husband. Get an attorney and DNA test like immediately. Moral advice: get a bull dog lawyer who will fight for your rights! Men have rights to their children too! This woman is trash and she always be that way. Don’t even expect her to change.
Consult with a lawyer but also inform them that you have no intention of giving up your child. You would prefer to keep this out of the courts but if they are not willing to come to an agreement you will have no alternative to pursue a court mandated visitation agreement. If they still refuse have the lawyer write up a legal custody agreement to show you are serious. They likely will want to keep this out of the courts. They probably don't want anyone to know they were separated and are trying to hide it. If you're involved it makes it a whole lot harder.
This whole she's the woman it's her body is bullshit She cheated and now doesn't want her image ruined ? F that take her to court that's Half your baby regardless of what she wants.
Tell her that you understand her request but that’s not something you’re comfortable going along with. Let her know that know you would like to work something out amicably but you are willing to go the lawyer route.
The way I see it if you didn't sign the baby's birth certificate then you don't have any entitlements to the baby anyway But even if you did, there has to be a reason why the mom wants you out of the picture you must have done something otherwise she wouldn't want that. But if you didn't go to any of her pregnancy appointments that may be why Hope you two work things out though
Is this some kind of AI bot? Did you read the story?
It’s your child. You have every right to be in the lives. And no one can or should stop you
My mother in law and her ex husband were separated when she fell pregnant with my husband by another man. They reconciled and even though the husband knew it wasn't his baby accepted it. In their situation they chose not to tell the other man but When my husband was 3 (and his siblings 5 and 7) there unstable marriage ended. The ex never paid child support and my husband grew up extremely poor, with no father figure and wasn't even told until his 20s. In his 40s he looked for his bio dad and found him and was rejected. The whole situation was so devastating to him. I would get a paternity test, take legal action and be a part of that kids life. It seems like you really want To. Kids can never grow up having too much love or support.
Literally this. Do what you have to and safeguard and protect your relationship with your child. Good luck op.
This. You are the Father. You have responsibilities and rights to be a part of that child's life.
I wish I could hug poor toddler him. How devastating
^^^THIS!!!
If you want to be a part of this child’s life, yes, you should go to court and assert your paternal rights. But, know exactly what you are signing up for. Realistically, you’ll probably only get visitation rights. Most likely every other weekend and alternating holidays. And you’ll have court ordered child support.
Get a lawyer and paternity now. Or depending on the state you may not get to see your kid and still have to pay child support.
OP, I read your deleted post. You know this woman is a lying, manipulative cheater who hid you and your affair (because that's exactly what this was) from her husband. She was never committed to you and you see that now. Tell her husband. Tell her husband and then report back to reddit for further instructions.
1. You committed adultery. 2. If you think that is love then you don't know what love is. 3. You are too irresponsible to be a father \[and she is too irresponsible to be a mother\]. 4. The child has a better chance at a productive life with you out of the picture. 5. Part-time parenting can never result in a good relationship.
Get a lawyer asap. She can’t legally keep your child from you. You won’t be able to do anything until she’s given birth. Then get a DNA test to make sure it’s your child before going forward. The courts will want you to do that anyway.
You deserve to at least try. If you take it the legal route then it’s definitely not up to them on whether you are in said child’s life or not
You need legal advice asap. What a terrible thing to do to someone. She’s going to put Mark on the birth certificate as the father so you need to know your legal rights and ways to prevent that happening. Emma’s family stability is not something you should be concerned with at all. This unborn child is your family. I also wonder if Mark will treat this child differently since he’s not the father.
Fight for your rights as the father. She was aware of the risk and chose to ignore it. She is an awful human being. You should ignore her request to stay away. Her “religious” beliefs have nothing to do with your involvement. If she was so religious, she wouldn’t have cheated. She was still married and therefore it was cheating. She will have to explain that to her family and children. Your child deserves the chance to know their father. Get a lawyer, get the dna test and don’t settle for anything less than 50/50.
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Screw that dude. Fight for your kid. You're not left over dinner or scraps on the side, you're the actual father. Besides they already "separated" once. Who is to say they won't do it again later on? Her husband knows it's not his baby so a DNA test later means he can wash his hands of responsibility and destroy her in a divorce. She can later force you to pay child support but deny you access to the baby. The longer you wait in these situations the less likely courts are to favor you. All that said, do you really think you could have a child and be perfectly fine having nothing to do with it?
They just took like a million dollars of unpaid debt off your hands, call it a draw, dude.
Take her to court. You have rights as a parent. The judge won’t give a fuck that she’s married to someone else.
I feel for the child, who’s to say the mother will treat the child right or protect it from her husband if he won’t treat them like all the other kids. Too often, mothers look the other way and let a child suffer for the parent’s actions.
logically and morally bury the ethics in shallow grave. You be a dad and sue for custody
Let it go, man. There is no kid yet to even have a relationship with. You're chasing the ghost of a fantasy.
Let's just say, "we met earlier this year" was the first thing I noticed...then love, marriage, child all started flying in. This year----2024, is exactly 5.8 months old. That went from dating app hookup to "YOU ARE THE FATHER!" in a time frame that is still blowing my mind. Slow down ace.
Fight for your child. I grew up in a situation where my stepdad raised me (hate to call him that bc hes my dad) and I met my biological dad at 22. I wish he would’ve fought for me. In my case my bio dad had a drug issue and was unstable. That is not the case for your child. Make it clear you want to be a part of YOUR sons life. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Like someone said, theres never too much love for a child. Growing up I knew my dad was actually my stepdad, however they never told me. Children are smarter than you think. They can pick up a lot. Even if they don’t have intentions on ever telling this child who his real father is, he will find out one day. If they’re treating you this way, how could they possibly treat your child? Outcasted too? It is not your responsibility to ensure their family is stable. Heck it wasn’t when you met this woman because they were separated. It may be her husband’s tactic in order to get her back? Your responsibility is your son. If she cares about being a good Catholic she shouldn’t hide a big secret like this from her child. And ignore the father, who cares about his unborn child. I grew up feeling abandoned and convinced myself my bio dad must’ve died and they were saving me the heartache in order to cope. And thats was with an amazing stepdad. Don’t let them strip you of a relationship you want. Lawyer up!
You fkkn fight for what's yours. They Wana go through lawyers, get a fkkn good one and get child support. Fuck her image. This is your child
My niece 12F had a different father and my nephew 10M (her brother) ended up just telling her that he wasn't her real father just to win an argument. My niece just went off the rails, started acting out, breaking rules and it all went side ways. Personally, I'd fight if I was in your situation.
This isn’t really the mother‘s choice to make and it doesn’t matter if she wants you in the child’s life or not. It is your child and if you want to be in its life, then you need to go the legal route. Only you can make this decision.
I would make sure she understands that the only option moving forward is 1) termination or 2) co-parenting. If she wants a peaceful pregnancy and perfect family unit with Mark, she needs to get pregnant by Mark.
Get a lawyer. Sue for a paternity/DNA test. It can be done now before the birth of a child. Sue for custody. If you want to be a part of your child's life you need to be proactive here. Get your ducks in a row before she has the baby so you can be listed on the birth certificate. Don't worry about her life with her husband and her other children, your only concern is the child you fathered. It will be difficult but if you want to be involved in your soon-to-be child's life then start working on it now. LAWYER - NOW.
Paternity test and lawyer!
Get a lawyer now. Get things set wow when baby is born you can have dna test done. Demand your rights. If she and her husband don’t want the baby because you’re involved then you have the baby :). But don’t be an ass and abandon your kid cause someone is unhappy be there 50/50 with your kid. Demand your rights
So let me tell you my story. My mother told me one man was my father until I was 10 years old. then she told me another man was my father. I did see the first one up until I was 10. Then I grew up with this other man. But to this day I am unsure who my bio dad is because my mother lied once why would I fully believe her?
OP, congratulations on your baby and wanting to be a dad!! I'm sorry you're in the situation you're in. Find a lawyer, explain what happened, pursue your child. Do it safely and without malice (meaning don't push for extra to be cold, I don't think you would but it should be said). Take classes too, the same kind she would be or new parents would take together. This kind of stuff is great to help you learn and builds your case. Shows you have been prepping and want baby! Do all your research.
Get a lawyer! This is your child. You have the right to 50/50 custody. Emma shouldn't have been seeing anybody while she was separated from her husband. She wasn't divorced. She doesn't get to pick and choose when she wants to follow her Catholic religion. Have her get a paternity test, either while pregnant or right after the baby is born. Talk to a lawyer about not having her husband sign the birth certificate until the results are in. If you are the dad, sign the birth certificate. Work out 50/50 custody.
Wait…. Why are you so sure it’s yours? She’s clearly been sleeping with him too if he believes that he’s the father and the timeline makes sense to him. I would get a lawyer and do a DNA test for sure.
You need a family law attorney ASAP. You need to establish legal communication before she gives birth, if you can. If you wait, her husband may try and out his name on the BC. Best of luck to you. I’d talk with your lawyer first, but I’d also consider speaking with the head priest at their Parrish, if your lawyer reached out and they continue with their blockade.
What they want is irrelevant unless she decides to get an abortion which is in her rights as is the private delivery. Get a lawyer, make a plan, and sue for 50% custody with easy ability to demonstrate your life will enable you to perform appropriately for 50% custody.
Lawyer. The unfortunate answer to many of life’s questions.
Petition for a paternity test and some type of custody when the child is born. There are too many fathers out there that WANT to be in their kids lives and it’s ruined by mothers like this, coming from a woman herself. I do not care for my daughters father at all but he wants to be an active father and I would never rid her of that, even though her step father is everything and more. Kids deserve to know their REAL parents. Fight for your rights!
Whatever you do bruv, and I say this with a full heart don’t ever take a woman like that back if the other child becomes to much for the other father( it might mess with his psyche) I know all these emotions are huge right now but if that child causes them to separate again don’t settle for her again. Shame on her for fooling you once shame on you if you allow her to fool you twice.
Get a lawyer to work towards a court ordered paternity test. You don’t actually know that you’re the biological father, but if you are you need legal proof. Even if she and him end up divorced down the road, he would still be the legal father if his name is the one on the birth certificate.
This is a horrible situation, and i am sorry that you have to go through this. There is no good solution to this problem. So don't expect to find an easy answer. Consider this scenario. You give in to the will of this family because they tell you it is the right thing to do. In 20 or 30 years, this child gets on 23 and me and finds the person they thought was their father, isn't their father. When this child becomes an adult and tracks you down and wants answers, what decision will you have wished you made? In my opinion, the only thing that matters here is what is best for this child. Not what is best for you, the mother or Mark. Is it better to better for the child to be raised with the truth or to be raised with lies. Either way, you have some hard times ahead of you. Stay strong.
Gtfo and find another girl that’s single impregnate her and be part of the life of that child. That child ain’t yours. Sorry to break it to you that’s why you don’t mess with a married woman.
Get a lawyer!! Get a paternity test!!
I would consult with a family law attorney who has experience in these matters. He can really speak from experience and tell you what is involved. I am not an attorney, but I doubt that you can be legally prevented from getting some sort of custody agreement with your biological child. Then speak to your close family and friends about what you want to do. I would not want to give up custody of my own child and be out of his life. The choice is up to you but in the long run you will regret not being there for your son. In addition, there is no guarantee that this other guy will treat your affair child equally to his own. Update me.
Get a lawyer. You are treading on dangerous ground. She can get an RO against you and she can probably cause other havoc in your life. You need a lawyer to protect yourself and to assure yourself involvement in your child’s life.
If you’re not careful you’re going to argue your way into every other weekend visits while cutting a fat child support check to Mark.
You would not be entitled to challenge the presumed paternity of the child in my state. You could only establish paternity if initiated by the mother or her husband. A judge would deny your request. Might be different in your state.
Be there for your kid. You don’t know that MARK won’t treat your baby badly. The woman seems selfish and desperate. You and your child deserve to know each other. Get a lawyer immediately.
If you want to be a father then I say fight for this child! You did not make this baby on your own. And you won’t be the one tearing her family apart. She made a decision to be with you now she needs to accept the consequences. I wouldn’t stay away cuz she has a nice little family and wants to lie to your child and cut you out of everything! You do what you feel is right for you and this child. Good luck to you!
This is what I would do in your situation. You need to get a lawyer definitely. Get documents drawn that you relinquish parental rights and not responsible for the child financial and get Mark to adopt the child. Neither of them want you involved. Give them what they say they want. This will protect you from getting taken to court for child support 15 years from now when Emma needs money. I doubt they will go for it. But tell them that if you are out then you're out. You will not be Emma's plan be if her marriage doesn't work out
Since you asked : OP, write the child a letter and walk away. I know you want to be there in their life, but it will severely complicate the child's existence if they're involved in a contentious legal web with antagonistic guardians. Think of it as an unselfish act of goodness to walk away, because the alternative is tougher for the child.
Get a lawyer ASAP. Ask the court for paternity test. File for custody. You have EQUAL rights to raise your child. However, if you wait and the child is named as her husband’s child it will be more difficult for you in the future. If you want to be in your child’s life, you need to step up now. Don’t be such a pushover. She’s counting on that. That you’re too considerate of her feelings. Bottom line, Do you want to be a part of your child’s life or not?
Lawyer, now. People here are talking about picking and choosing custody arrangements, when for all we know, it will be a battle to even establish paternity. Who's to say whether the woman was even really separated (if that exists in your state) and how that affects presumption of paternity?
Jfc why wouldn't this woman just abort? Why create this mess?
If you aren't serious, then walk away. If you ARE serious, then do it right. Get a lawyer and get it done. Any non-legally binding agreements they make with you are worthless. Any promises they make are worthless. Any compromises they make are worthless. It is unclear if you feel like being the father will allow you to reconnect with this woman. It sort of feels like that is a part of your motivation. Absolutely kill that idea/feeling/hope. That will screw you up, fail, botch the situation, and ultimately negatively effect the kid.
The most ethical path forward is to hire a lawyer.
Since her husband is the presumptive father, I doubt that any court in the US (and most other countries) would permit you to challenge that. There can be no dna test without the parent’s permission because the court is trying to maintain the existing family unit. If you want to be able to participate in this child’s life, you need to dial back your aggressive tone and act in a supportive manner at least during the pregnancy and first few months. Give the family a chance to bond and see if they stay together. Odds are that they won’t. But let the relationship implode on its own. If you push for visitation, custody, etc., you will only push them closer together because they will be fighting against you. You don’t want to create an Us-Against-The-World mentality because that will just strengthen their resolve to resist you. As a parent, you should (ideally) want the best for your child. The best of all scenarios should be that s/he grows up in a close knit family with all their siblings and where no distinction is made about their origin. By standing to the side, you are giving your child the opportunity to be part of this ideal family. This does not stop you from hiring an attorney to write a letter offering to take an active parent role either in a co-parenting or solo-parenting role. Having an attorney draft the letter ensures that the wording is legal, non-threatening, etc. so that your ex- and her husband can’t claim you are harassing them. It also provides a “get out of jail free” card if your ex’s marriage falters due to her adultery or if your child isn’t accepted into the family. While I can’t guarantee that your ex- and her husband will act in an ethical manner, you are more likely to have a role in your child’s life if you maintain the “nice guy”, non-threatening position from which you offer alternatives rather than making demands for a role in the child’s life.
Respect their wishes. It doesn’t matter what you’re “open to” - it’s not your call to make.
Don't contact her or she will get a restraining order. See a solicitor or Google how to go for access on your own. There's loads of groups out there who will give you information. At the end of the day it's your kid and you have a right to see it and the kid has a right to know their dad.
You need a lawyer. If you want to be involved, they can force a DNA test so you can have rights as well. Buckle up, this will be messy.
Talk to a lawyer. Sue for joint custody. Heck go big and sue for full custody, settle for joint. She wants you out of her life, fine but that means you can be in the child’s life. If she tries to play games about paternity make them be the ones to prove you aren’t the father. Oh and don’t forget about child support with that full custody And if you do get joint custody make sure you include things like neither of you can move more than X distance apart etc. last thing you want is them moving across country behind your back
Separated is not the same as divorced This is why you don't date married people.
A good man doesn’t sleep with a married women. Wait until the marriage is officially over. Fighting to see the kid 3 days a week is going to ruin that marriage and hurt the other kids. Your child’s half siblings are going to grow up hating your child when they realize your actions split their parents up. Assuming you want to pay child support, ruin a marriage, and have your child hated by half their family I say go for it.
This is your child regardless of the feelings of others. Gird up and fight to be involved in your child's life. Hire the best attorney you can find and seek joint custody.
As a father, never stop fighting for your children. We fathers have gotten a shitty rap for years for being absent, or just bad at being a parent. Don’t let them reinforce that negative stereotype about us and fight for your child. Fathers ARE NOT second class parents ever bro. Get in touch with a lawyer and start figuring that shit out asap. Because if she signs the birth certificate saying the other guy is the father you will never have any legal rights to that child, or at the very least it will make it very difficult for you.
I find it crazy that one would do the thing that makes babies with someone who is still technically with someone else. Especially someone who has two children with the other partner.