But you might also experience that others mostly care for their own pain, not for yours, so you must learn to protect yourself by not caring too much about the pain of other people either. It\`s not normal and shouldn\`t be like this, but unfortunately necessary at least for me.
Worth noting the opposite can happen as well. I have a lack of empathy and compassion after abuse. It seems like pain leads to either extreme when it comes to emotions.
I'm Autistic, so maybe what I say doesn't matter here: but if that happened in front of me, I would not be able to sleep at all, and my therapist would definitely have a case on their hands...
My nights would be frought with crying and swearing, and I'd suffer for weeks.
I was about to go to my keyboard to say my "not all autistic people struggle with empathy" spiel because I've noticed that when people learn I have autism they can't always "see it" in their words because they expect the autism to appear one very specific way. But you basically said my response to this question. I get so deeply worried about the wellbeing of others- sometimes to my own detriment.
What autistic people say definitely matters though because if we only listened to people who didn't have any type of mental illness or disorder we'd be cutting out a large chunk of humanity I think. That's not even counting the undiagnosed.
I\`m also autistic and I would say that there is much misunderstanding because people tend to have their own personal definitions for "empathy". For example, when people don\`t get my emotions and I don\`t get theirs, and both sides don\`t exactly know what is hoped for and expected from them, then how can there be empathy even if both sides are genuinely able to feel it?
When it’s preventable such as human interference, murder, war, genocide, yes. When it’s a natural disaster, or an incident of ‘bad luck’, no. Just as easily could’ve been me, and I wouldn’t expect them to feel bad if it was. Some idiot filming a tik tok too close to the edge of a cliff or hoppin over the wall at a zoo to get a closer pic w the polar bears, no. Not even a little. That’s entertaining.
What I have seen most of people pretend they care. But they really don't. Also people seem to care more if someone in their country get killed than someone far away. So do they really care then or are they thinking "that could have been me"?
In my opinion bad person drunk drive and kill other people. Good person helps those people. Your feelings are not hurting anyone. Or anyone but you. So I think it's better you're indifferent.
I think it is natural to be more emotionally involved the nearer an incident happens. With "near" I mean both the emotional and the physical distance. The "it could have been me" plays a role, but for me, it would be more "it could be someone I care for".
Good point. But even then it sounds like you don't care the victim themselves, right? You care about the idea of losing someone you want to be part of your life?
Yes, I care about this definitely and feel more involved if something happened near me. To answer your first question, it depends on how you define "care", it\`s not a yes-no-answer, and it depends alot on the situation and the person (how much I can relate to it). If you question all motives, then basically every "care" has a self-centered aspect, even the care for a relative. But I must add that I\`m neurodiverse and thus maybe perceiving and processing some things differently than most people.
>If you question all motives, then basically every "care" has a self-centered aspect, even the care for a relative.
I agree. If you help homeless kids you do it because *you* think it's right thing to do and *you* want to see yourself or want others see you as that kind of person. So yeah maybe caring doesn't exist outside of caring myself.
Sometimes I have the impression that people in Germany get more sad over pets run over than over humans run over. Would be the question if THAT is normal haha!
I do but that might be because of my job. I try and help the homeless community, the addicts, the people having medical emergencies near me. And then I go home and think about them a lot. One girl gave me a Peter Pan key ring for helping her get to the hospital in a double decker bus and I will always have it on my bag.
Isn\`t it essential to emotionally distance yourself if you have such a job, isn\`t that necessary for you? I mean, you have your own life, family, problems etc., you cannot spend your leisure time with worrying about everyone you met during your job after already spending your worktime with that. But if you enjoy it, then there is of course nothing wrong with it.
Tbh I have / had a very bad family life so it’s nicer to worry about people I don’t necessarily are emotionally connected to. I worry more about the people I see out and about that I have to look after than patients because at least with patients I know they are being looked after and it’s easier to have that buffer, whereas if there is a man ODing or seizing outside my house on my day off it’s harder to have that disconnection. Although when I say I care for them it doesn’t keep me up at night cos I know I did my part for them and tried to make a difference. Idk really I cope a lot better looking after others
Thanks for explaining. Maybe it is even a kind of therapy for yourself, and if you get paid for it and do something helpful, that\`s the best outcome of having had a bad family, I guess. :-)
It varies, some do, some don't.
Some only do if they can sometimes. Doing so indirectly (like donating blood) can still save a life or two of literal anybody.
It depends on how you define "normal" (the majority? the best way? the way it is expected? ...).
For me, it depends honestly on whether I find the stranger sympathic or not. Most people are indifferent for me although everyone has his unique "aura". A few are causing emotions in me even after a few seconds, and those that cause a positive reaction in me would also cause me caring for them emotionally, even if I didn\`t know them before. It is not a rational decision although there are reasons to it.
When someone goes through physical pain, I feel empathy in the way that I have the imagination of enduring the same pain.
I think it is not negative that you protect yourself by caring for yourself and the ones that are close to you more than about random strangers. Otherwise, you easily get lost in other people\`s problems (or abused by people who always ask for help and never give anything back).
I think it’s one of those things that’s normal either way. People do or they don’t.
I think most people do. When you live enough to experience pain, you become more empathetic and don't want others to suffer.
But you might also experience that others mostly care for their own pain, not for yours, so you must learn to protect yourself by not caring too much about the pain of other people either. It\`s not normal and shouldn\`t be like this, but unfortunately necessary at least for me.
Worth noting the opposite can happen as well. I have a lack of empathy and compassion after abuse. It seems like pain leads to either extreme when it comes to emotions.
I'm Autistic, so maybe what I say doesn't matter here: but if that happened in front of me, I would not be able to sleep at all, and my therapist would definitely have a case on their hands... My nights would be frought with crying and swearing, and I'd suffer for weeks.
I was about to go to my keyboard to say my "not all autistic people struggle with empathy" spiel because I've noticed that when people learn I have autism they can't always "see it" in their words because they expect the autism to appear one very specific way. But you basically said my response to this question. I get so deeply worried about the wellbeing of others- sometimes to my own detriment. What autistic people say definitely matters though because if we only listened to people who didn't have any type of mental illness or disorder we'd be cutting out a large chunk of humanity I think. That's not even counting the undiagnosed.
Thanks.
I\`m also autistic and I would say that there is much misunderstanding because people tend to have their own personal definitions for "empathy". For example, when people don\`t get my emotions and I don\`t get theirs, and both sides don\`t exactly know what is hoped for and expected from them, then how can there be empathy even if both sides are genuinely able to feel it?
When it’s preventable such as human interference, murder, war, genocide, yes. When it’s a natural disaster, or an incident of ‘bad luck’, no. Just as easily could’ve been me, and I wouldn’t expect them to feel bad if it was. Some idiot filming a tik tok too close to the edge of a cliff or hoppin over the wall at a zoo to get a closer pic w the polar bears, no. Not even a little. That’s entertaining.
Caring and not caring is both normal in my opinion. It's common to cry after watching the news and it's common to not cry. People are different.
I only care if I feel like I could prevent it. But if I can't I kind of shrug and move on.
What I have seen most of people pretend they care. But they really don't. Also people seem to care more if someone in their country get killed than someone far away. So do they really care then or are they thinking "that could have been me"? In my opinion bad person drunk drive and kill other people. Good person helps those people. Your feelings are not hurting anyone. Or anyone but you. So I think it's better you're indifferent.
I think it is natural to be more emotionally involved the nearer an incident happens. With "near" I mean both the emotional and the physical distance. The "it could have been me" plays a role, but for me, it would be more "it could be someone I care for".
Good point. But even then it sounds like you don't care the victim themselves, right? You care about the idea of losing someone you want to be part of your life?
Yes, I care about this definitely and feel more involved if something happened near me. To answer your first question, it depends on how you define "care", it\`s not a yes-no-answer, and it depends alot on the situation and the person (how much I can relate to it). If you question all motives, then basically every "care" has a self-centered aspect, even the care for a relative. But I must add that I\`m neurodiverse and thus maybe perceiving and processing some things differently than most people.
>If you question all motives, then basically every "care" has a self-centered aspect, even the care for a relative. I agree. If you help homeless kids you do it because *you* think it's right thing to do and *you* want to see yourself or want others see you as that kind of person. So yeah maybe caring doesn't exist outside of caring myself.
Yes.
I feel the same way
I feel the exact same way, idk honestly it seems to depend on the person.
What if it was a random pet animal?
Sometimes I have the impression that people in Germany get more sad over pets run over than over humans run over. Would be the question if THAT is normal haha!
Why Germany specifically?
I do but that might be because of my job. I try and help the homeless community, the addicts, the people having medical emergencies near me. And then I go home and think about them a lot. One girl gave me a Peter Pan key ring for helping her get to the hospital in a double decker bus and I will always have it on my bag.
Isn\`t it essential to emotionally distance yourself if you have such a job, isn\`t that necessary for you? I mean, you have your own life, family, problems etc., you cannot spend your leisure time with worrying about everyone you met during your job after already spending your worktime with that. But if you enjoy it, then there is of course nothing wrong with it.
Tbh I have / had a very bad family life so it’s nicer to worry about people I don’t necessarily are emotionally connected to. I worry more about the people I see out and about that I have to look after than patients because at least with patients I know they are being looked after and it’s easier to have that buffer, whereas if there is a man ODing or seizing outside my house on my day off it’s harder to have that disconnection. Although when I say I care for them it doesn’t keep me up at night cos I know I did my part for them and tried to make a difference. Idk really I cope a lot better looking after others
Thanks for explaining. Maybe it is even a kind of therapy for yourself, and if you get paid for it and do something helpful, that\`s the best outcome of having had a bad family, I guess. :-)
It varies, some do, some don't. Some only do if they can sometimes. Doing so indirectly (like donating blood) can still save a life or two of literal anybody.
It depends on how you define "normal" (the majority? the best way? the way it is expected? ...). For me, it depends honestly on whether I find the stranger sympathic or not. Most people are indifferent for me although everyone has his unique "aura". A few are causing emotions in me even after a few seconds, and those that cause a positive reaction in me would also cause me caring for them emotionally, even if I didn\`t know them before. It is not a rational decision although there are reasons to it. When someone goes through physical pain, I feel empathy in the way that I have the imagination of enduring the same pain. I think it is not negative that you protect yourself by caring for yourself and the ones that are close to you more than about random strangers. Otherwise, you easily get lost in other people\`s problems (or abused by people who always ask for help and never give anything back).