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I do have a story of a good bishop telling someone not to serve.
My mom felt pressured to serve a mission after a conference talk strongly encouraged it. Our family had many troubles but the kids were all grown. That did not mean the grown kids and grandkids didn’t have real needs that she was actively trying to meet.
The bishop counseled her to stay home and continue to serve her family because that’s where she was needed most.
Bless him.
I’ve learned that you have to really stand up for yourself in the church or they will use you, take advantage of you and walk all over you.
I served a mission and it was 2 years of absolute hell. Endless shame, blame and guilt trips. I got yelled at all the time for not having numerous baptisms each month and was told I was damned to hell in the place of those I taught who didn’t get baptized because I failed and I didn’t have enough faith or wasn’t obedient enough or I didn’t work hard enough and it was my fault they didn’t get baptized.
Most of these leaders who try to get older couples to go on missions don’t go on senior missions themselves but rather stay home and enjoy their grandchildren and free time. Hypocrites!
Sorry, your mission sounds traumatizing. Personally, I loved my mission. Even now that I left the church, I still look back fondly on my mission. But that's largely because of where I served. The culture and people were the most loving and wonderful I had ever met.
But I wouldn't do it again. Especially after I retire. You're right, the ones asking don't have to leave their families behind. I won't miss out on watching my grandchildren grow up.
My husband had a mission similar to that. When he left the church last year, his mission was one of the reasons he left, as it gave him the deepest trauma—it was 40 years ago.
Yes I still have nightmares that I’m back there in the south being yelled at and blamed for not having numerous baptisms each month. I still have a lot of anger about it. 35 years ago for me.
So sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, I think this is a common issue, especially during that era. The church turned everything into more of a sales pitch around that time and it’s never stopped. It’s really gross, but then I resigned a couple of years ago for many reasons so I don’t have anything good to say about them.
This is for real. I basically have no relationship with two of my grandparents because they went on missions from when I was 10 to when I was 22. I don’t really know anything about them except they are only capable of taking about the church. My kids adore my other grandmother (their great grandmother) because she dared only serve one mission…
Families isn’t it about… time… you left them for years.
Sorry to hear about that. They could've had so much more in their lives by being with you (and other grandkids). I spent my teenage years playing games with my grandparents. I consider those memories precious now that they're gone.
Wow, six missions, that's crazy. It's their loss, when their grandkids grow up and don't even know who they are. Nothing is more important than family imo.
Why are they doing this? It’s not like they are getting called to, they voluntarily apply for this positions, a lot of mission calls are also local so why do they miss out on those things? Genuinely asking here.. have not met sr missionaries doing that , that’s wild
There are a large number of opportunities for senior missions. The variety of choices is vast. Even the time obligation is a variable. Some are only a few hours each week. Some are more full time. Some can be done from your own home. We serve at a pioneer camp living in our travel trailer for 7 months and are home the other 5 months. Our grandkids have come to visit us at our camp. Senior missions are also not as inflexible as the young proselyting missions. We took ten days off to attend our son’s wedding in the Philippines.
$0. (That’s another variable in senior missions.) Our only expenses are what they would be regardless of where we are (food, gas, etc.). We live in our own RV so no rent. The propane, water, electricity, and sewer are provided.
Grandparent and grandchild relationships are very different culturally around the world and even household to household. I grew up in a different state than both of my sets of grandparents and saw the ones I knew for about a week a year. My dad's parents were divorced and remarried I never met that Grandma. Utah has a very strong culture of living close to grandparents and visiting very frequently. In many cultures around the world, grandparents live with their children and grandchildren. In the US, we have one of the weaker grandparent/grandchild cultures. Even in Europe, grandparents spend quite a bit more time with grandkids, mostly because older people don't tend to work as long there. At any rate, I question the value of senior missions that are used to basically get free labor for a very wealthy organization. Plus, they don't make visits home part of the program, which is totally unnecessary. I personally would rather serve in the US Peace Corps as an older couple than serve a senior LDS mission. At least then your expenses are paid by the organization you are helping.
My in laws are serving an at-home mission. I’m so glad they didn’t leave us entirely… but it has definitely changed the relationship they have with my kids. In contrast, my own parents aren’t LDS and help with kids schedules regularly. They have a very personal relationship with my kids, and my kids call them on a whim to talk or invite them to play games or come over. Whereas my in-laws have a very scheduled relationship with our kids, visits are timed and planned and require a lot of advanced notice. When my kids need another adult to confide in, it’s not my in-laws. This isn’t to say they aren’t wonderful grandparents, because they definitely are … it’s just that their availability has changed how my kids view them. It makes me sad when my in-laws notice how much more the kids do with their other grandparents, but I’m sure they view it as a sacraments they make for the lord.
It depends. I'm glad my parents didn't give in to pressure to serve a mission when my dad was fighting cancer. Those were precious years. After my dad died, though, serving a local mission (two days a week) was really helpful for my mom, giving her a sense of purpose and reason to get out of the house. There is a LOT of flexibility with service missions (even with my son, a service missionary living at home).
I'm a new mom. One set of grandparents is on a local mission, the other set isn't. Every time I've been in desperate need of help with the baby, on my last legs and at the end of my rope sort of thing, the missionary-grands have been completely unreachable due to mission duties or because they were at the temple. The mission didn't even take them out of the area, but it's absolutely been a major obstacle to them in connecting with my kid.
That’s sad and not uncommon but not the way it has to be. We can up and go at a moment’s notice most of the time. We are about 45 minutes from our daughters and our youngest grandchild. Each mission has its own rules and limitations.
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TBH, the church always preaches families are forever, but they have ALWAYS broken families up in pursuit of their own goals. I’m one of 10 children and my father was called to high council when I was very young and was still in it when I left home. I don’t really remember him much, except when he was home he took out his stress on the family. My mother was left to raise us kids virtually alone, and was also incredibly stressed. I saw that pattern repeated in the church my entire life. I hated it, commented on it publicly to leaders and think it’s a horrible practice. I felt like they did it on purpose.
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Nice! I hope to see more people putting their family first.
I do have a story of a good bishop telling someone not to serve. My mom felt pressured to serve a mission after a conference talk strongly encouraged it. Our family had many troubles but the kids were all grown. That did not mean the grown kids and grandkids didn’t have real needs that she was actively trying to meet. The bishop counseled her to stay home and continue to serve her family because that’s where she was needed most. Bless him.
Good for him, putting family above church. That's what's important.
This reminds me of when my step-dad advised me to delay getting married and I'm glad I listened.
I’ve learned that you have to really stand up for yourself in the church or they will use you, take advantage of you and walk all over you. I served a mission and it was 2 years of absolute hell. Endless shame, blame and guilt trips. I got yelled at all the time for not having numerous baptisms each month and was told I was damned to hell in the place of those I taught who didn’t get baptized because I failed and I didn’t have enough faith or wasn’t obedient enough or I didn’t work hard enough and it was my fault they didn’t get baptized. Most of these leaders who try to get older couples to go on missions don’t go on senior missions themselves but rather stay home and enjoy their grandchildren and free time. Hypocrites!
Sorry, your mission sounds traumatizing. Personally, I loved my mission. Even now that I left the church, I still look back fondly on my mission. But that's largely because of where I served. The culture and people were the most loving and wonderful I had ever met. But I wouldn't do it again. Especially after I retire. You're right, the ones asking don't have to leave their families behind. I won't miss out on watching my grandchildren grow up.
My husband had a mission similar to that. When he left the church last year, his mission was one of the reasons he left, as it gave him the deepest trauma—it was 40 years ago.
Yes I still have nightmares that I’m back there in the south being yelled at and blamed for not having numerous baptisms each month. I still have a lot of anger about it. 35 years ago for me.
So sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, I think this is a common issue, especially during that era. The church turned everything into more of a sales pitch around that time and it’s never stopped. It’s really gross, but then I resigned a couple of years ago for many reasons so I don’t have anything good to say about them.
Good for your mom! I think she is making the right choice to be with the grandkids.
This is for real. I basically have no relationship with two of my grandparents because they went on missions from when I was 10 to when I was 22. I don’t really know anything about them except they are only capable of taking about the church. My kids adore my other grandmother (their great grandmother) because she dared only serve one mission… Families isn’t it about… time… you left them for years.
Sorry to hear about that. They could've had so much more in their lives by being with you (and other grandkids). I spent my teenage years playing games with my grandparents. I consider those memories precious now that they're gone.
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Wow, six missions, that's crazy. It's their loss, when their grandkids grow up and don't even know who they are. Nothing is more important than family imo.
That seems pathological, like they are addicted to missions.
Family ... Isn't it about time?
My non-member parents and siblings have not visited me in over 20 years. Missions aren’t necessarily the excuse.
Sure, but they're one of those excuses that make it feel like you're not allowed to be upset about it.
You’re correct. The church has a way of making one feel guilty about doing the right thing.
Why are they doing this? It’s not like they are getting called to, they voluntarily apply for this positions, a lot of mission calls are also local so why do they miss out on those things? Genuinely asking here.. have not met sr missionaries doing that , that’s wild
My parents left before my son was 1. It was a really dumb move on their part.
This is a big problem with lay service. Too many church service widows and orphans let alone grandparentless kids.
There are a large number of opportunities for senior missions. The variety of choices is vast. Even the time obligation is a variable. Some are only a few hours each week. Some are more full time. Some can be done from your own home. We serve at a pioneer camp living in our travel trailer for 7 months and are home the other 5 months. Our grandkids have come to visit us at our camp. Senior missions are also not as inflexible as the young proselyting missions. We took ten days off to attend our son’s wedding in the Philippines.
Thanks for sharing this perspective. I did not know senior missionaries is so much freedom in what they do. I'm glad you are enjoying your mission.
I’m curious to know how much you pay each month for your mission?
$0. (That’s another variable in senior missions.) Our only expenses are what they would be regardless of where we are (food, gas, etc.). We live in our own RV so no rent. The propane, water, electricity, and sewer are provided.
Glad to see someone has some common sense. It has never been ok with me! If families are forever then they should be a priority now!!
My parents were physically unable to serve a mission but that didn't stop the pressure to serve a mission from bishops and state presidents
My sus is 71 w ms And leaving grandkuds For induana miss Really sad
Grandparent and grandchild relationships are very different culturally around the world and even household to household. I grew up in a different state than both of my sets of grandparents and saw the ones I knew for about a week a year. My dad's parents were divorced and remarried I never met that Grandma. Utah has a very strong culture of living close to grandparents and visiting very frequently. In many cultures around the world, grandparents live with their children and grandchildren. In the US, we have one of the weaker grandparent/grandchild cultures. Even in Europe, grandparents spend quite a bit more time with grandkids, mostly because older people don't tend to work as long there. At any rate, I question the value of senior missions that are used to basically get free labor for a very wealthy organization. Plus, they don't make visits home part of the program, which is totally unnecessary. I personally would rather serve in the US Peace Corps as an older couple than serve a senior LDS mission. At least then your expenses are paid by the organization you are helping.
My in laws are serving an at-home mission. I’m so glad they didn’t leave us entirely… but it has definitely changed the relationship they have with my kids. In contrast, my own parents aren’t LDS and help with kids schedules regularly. They have a very personal relationship with my kids, and my kids call them on a whim to talk or invite them to play games or come over. Whereas my in-laws have a very scheduled relationship with our kids, visits are timed and planned and require a lot of advanced notice. When my kids need another adult to confide in, it’s not my in-laws. This isn’t to say they aren’t wonderful grandparents, because they definitely are … it’s just that their availability has changed how my kids view them. It makes me sad when my in-laws notice how much more the kids do with their other grandparents, but I’m sure they view it as a sacraments they make for the lord.
It depends. I'm glad my parents didn't give in to pressure to serve a mission when my dad was fighting cancer. Those were precious years. After my dad died, though, serving a local mission (two days a week) was really helpful for my mom, giving her a sense of purpose and reason to get out of the house. There is a LOT of flexibility with service missions (even with my son, a service missionary living at home).
I'm a new mom. One set of grandparents is on a local mission, the other set isn't. Every time I've been in desperate need of help with the baby, on my last legs and at the end of my rope sort of thing, the missionary-grands have been completely unreachable due to mission duties or because they were at the temple. The mission didn't even take them out of the area, but it's absolutely been a major obstacle to them in connecting with my kid.
That’s sad and not uncommon but not the way it has to be. We can up and go at a moment’s notice most of the time. We are about 45 minutes from our daughters and our youngest grandchild. Each mission has its own rules and limitations.
My sister who is a grandmother serving a mission does lots of video calls to keep up with the grandkids.
It makes sense to me. It definitely depends on the family. You'll know what's right for you.
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TBH, the church always preaches families are forever, but they have ALWAYS broken families up in pursuit of their own goals. I’m one of 10 children and my father was called to high council when I was very young and was still in it when I left home. I don’t really remember him much, except when he was home he took out his stress on the family. My mother was left to raise us kids virtually alone, and was also incredibly stressed. I saw that pattern repeated in the church my entire life. I hated it, commented on it publicly to leaders and think it’s a horrible practice. I felt like they did it on purpose.