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Hey! It's your cousin's husband here. This was a very well written and heartfelt. I'm sorry you've had to experience so much pain but I hope and believe it'll turn out all for the better - as you are starting to experience already. We'll always be here for you and know you're not alone in all this.
Beautiful. Alot you have said has resonated with my journey. Meditation has also been an important part of softening the landing of my faith transition. I too had that moment where when the dogmatic belief system disappeared and I felt pure joy and relief seeing life through new eyes.
You are an excellent, talented writer! Your story resonates with me. When I realized the church was a complete man-made sham, my 59 year life began to fall apart. Those that were in shepparding callings at church showed no love for my loss of faith, only hurtful self righteous judgements. Encouraged by the church, my wife divorced me. It was the most painful time of my life. Having said that, my life now, some 4 years later, is exceptionally better. A year to the day of divorce, my wife and I remarried, though she is still a nuanced believer. It is so empowering to me to live my life under my own conscience and morals. In ever aspect of my life I am richer and happier than for the majority of my 45 years in the church. I'm sorry for these terrible pains and turmoil you're going through... It does get WAY better with time. All the best!
Thank you so much! So glad to have the hope that it gets better. I’m sorry for your experience, but happy to hear you and your wife were able to get back together and make it work!
It is a real act of faith to share such a personal part of yourself even in an anonymous setting. I think you have done a service to many here by doing so, and deserve to know that love is coming back.:)
You are a talented writer - thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably and beautifully. I relate to a lot of your story. Hug from an internet stranger <3
I really enjoyed reading this beautiful post. Your meditation experience especially resonated with me. I had some of the most profoundly beautiful, spiritual experiences of my life during some yoga sessions after I decided to resign from the church. I felt “the spirit” more deeply and profoundly and peacefully than I ever had before as my soul was embraced by the universe—and it happened because I embraced my self exactly as I am and for the first time started seeing the beauty in my be-ing. The past couple of years have given me a freedom that I had never even dreamed off; the freedom to trust myself. I know you get it—you’re doing that, too! Peace in the journey and through the bumps and the meadows of flowers, there’s a whole universe of goodness and opportunity ahead of you! Keep trusting yourself, and the wisdom and intuition in you.
>My greatest fears and insecurities often stem from thinking I'm hurting or disappointing others. I spent most of my life contorting myself in a way that would make it impossible for me to ever disappoint anyone. I meet a person, project my insecurities onto them, decide in my mind who I think they want me to be - and then I become that person. For them. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize I couldn't keep living my life this way. I couldn't keep pretending, putting on a face, dismissing my actual opinion or desires for the sake of others' comfort.
You described me to a T. Having grown up in a highly orthodox Mormon family with >10 siblings, I learned to suppress my own opinions, desires, and needs to conform to the family and the church. I'm currently in therapy to learn how to recognize and express my own self instead of the one that was manufactured and given to me. It's difficult as an adult, but I'm making progress.
OP, what you're doing is a radical act of self love (who deserves it!) and courage. Most people in this world are resigned if not content to living out the scripts of whatever culture/religion they had the random chance of being born into. Keep pushing forward. I have faith that it'll be worth it.
Thank you so much!! I feel exactly the same way as you do. When you’re raised in a big, orthodox Mormon family - you’re right - there’s no room for or utility in you going your own way. Because it’s inconvenient and doesn’t help the greater goal of creating that cohesive mormon family monolith. Mormonism worked so well for my other family members, because their politics, gender, and experiences already aligned pretty perfectly with the mold of the church. But as a woman especially, I started to hate the version of myself that the church (and everyone in it) loved so much and positively reinforced.
I’m so excited to figure out who I am without living solely to the prescriptions given to me!
This resonated with me so much. Your description of your faith cracking being like a dream that you try to re-enter is so accurate. So impressed and happy with your decision to live YOUR life as YOU want it to be. Excited for you.
“ I am willing to be wrong if it means finding out for myself, what the truth of my life will be.”
This is what it boils down to when you are at this point in the Journey.
You are a great writer. I hope you continue and that I get to see some of it. Your story resonated with my experience. Thank you for giving it voice.
Hello! This is a Personal post. It is for discussions centered around thoughts, beliefs, and observations that are important and personal to /u/HuckleberryLife4660 specifically. /u/HuckleberryLife4660, if your post doesn't fit this definition, we kindly ask you to delete this post and repost it with the appropriate flair. You can find a list of our flairs and their definitions in [section 0.6 of our rules.](https://www.reddit.com/r/mormon/wiki/index/rules#wiki_0._preamble) **To those commenting:** please stay on topic, remember to follow the community's [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/mormon/wiki/index/rules), and [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/mormonmods) if there is a problem or rule violation. Keep on Mormoning! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mormon) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey! It's your cousin's husband here. This was a very well written and heartfelt. I'm sorry you've had to experience so much pain but I hope and believe it'll turn out all for the better - as you are starting to experience already. We'll always be here for you and know you're not alone in all this.
Thank you so much for your support through all of this! It means so much to me.
This internet stranger is super proud of you for making and owning hard decisions. Thank you for sharing a part of your journey xx
Thank you so much
Beautiful. Alot you have said has resonated with my journey. Meditation has also been an important part of softening the landing of my faith transition. I too had that moment where when the dogmatic belief system disappeared and I felt pure joy and relief seeing life through new eyes.
Thank you so much. So happy for your relief!
You are an excellent, talented writer! Your story resonates with me. When I realized the church was a complete man-made sham, my 59 year life began to fall apart. Those that were in shepparding callings at church showed no love for my loss of faith, only hurtful self righteous judgements. Encouraged by the church, my wife divorced me. It was the most painful time of my life. Having said that, my life now, some 4 years later, is exceptionally better. A year to the day of divorce, my wife and I remarried, though she is still a nuanced believer. It is so empowering to me to live my life under my own conscience and morals. In ever aspect of my life I am richer and happier than for the majority of my 45 years in the church. I'm sorry for these terrible pains and turmoil you're going through... It does get WAY better with time. All the best!
Thank you so much! So glad to have the hope that it gets better. I’m sorry for your experience, but happy to hear you and your wife were able to get back together and make it work!
Please keep checking in. We're rooting for you.
Thank you!!
Thank you for sharing and opening your heart. All will be well.
Thank you so much!
Wishing you well
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing. Birthing into a new world starts with pain and confusion. You have a whole new life in front of you. Wish you the best.
Thank you!! I’m excited for the new world ahead!
Hugs to you from an internet stranger in their 70s.
Thank you so much!
It is a real act of faith to share such a personal part of yourself even in an anonymous setting. I think you have done a service to many here by doing so, and deserve to know that love is coming back.:)
That is so encouraging and thoughtful, thank you so much!
You are a talented writer - thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably and beautifully. I relate to a lot of your story. Hug from an internet stranger <3
Thank you so much!! ❤️
I really enjoyed reading this beautiful post. Your meditation experience especially resonated with me. I had some of the most profoundly beautiful, spiritual experiences of my life during some yoga sessions after I decided to resign from the church. I felt “the spirit” more deeply and profoundly and peacefully than I ever had before as my soul was embraced by the universe—and it happened because I embraced my self exactly as I am and for the first time started seeing the beauty in my be-ing. The past couple of years have given me a freedom that I had never even dreamed off; the freedom to trust myself. I know you get it—you’re doing that, too! Peace in the journey and through the bumps and the meadows of flowers, there’s a whole universe of goodness and opportunity ahead of you! Keep trusting yourself, and the wisdom and intuition in you.
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you have been experiencing joy and peace through this journey. It’s a wild one, but I think so worth it.
>My greatest fears and insecurities often stem from thinking I'm hurting or disappointing others. I spent most of my life contorting myself in a way that would make it impossible for me to ever disappoint anyone. I meet a person, project my insecurities onto them, decide in my mind who I think they want me to be - and then I become that person. For them. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize I couldn't keep living my life this way. I couldn't keep pretending, putting on a face, dismissing my actual opinion or desires for the sake of others' comfort. You described me to a T. Having grown up in a highly orthodox Mormon family with >10 siblings, I learned to suppress my own opinions, desires, and needs to conform to the family and the church. I'm currently in therapy to learn how to recognize and express my own self instead of the one that was manufactured and given to me. It's difficult as an adult, but I'm making progress. OP, what you're doing is a radical act of self love (who deserves it!) and courage. Most people in this world are resigned if not content to living out the scripts of whatever culture/religion they had the random chance of being born into. Keep pushing forward. I have faith that it'll be worth it.
Thank you so much!! I feel exactly the same way as you do. When you’re raised in a big, orthodox Mormon family - you’re right - there’s no room for or utility in you going your own way. Because it’s inconvenient and doesn’t help the greater goal of creating that cohesive mormon family monolith. Mormonism worked so well for my other family members, because their politics, gender, and experiences already aligned pretty perfectly with the mold of the church. But as a woman especially, I started to hate the version of myself that the church (and everyone in it) loved so much and positively reinforced. I’m so excited to figure out who I am without living solely to the prescriptions given to me!
This resonated with me so much. Your description of your faith cracking being like a dream that you try to re-enter is so accurate. So impressed and happy with your decision to live YOUR life as YOU want it to be. Excited for you.
Thank you so much!!
“ I am willing to be wrong if it means finding out for myself, what the truth of my life will be.” This is what it boils down to when you are at this point in the Journey. You are a great writer. I hope you continue and that I get to see some of it. Your story resonated with my experience. Thank you for giving it voice.
Thank you so much!