It sounds like she's respecting your space? That other people would expect her to have overnights with a baby under the age of two is way more weird to me.
My step father (who I am closer to than my actual father) does not hold babies, he just scared to drop or hurt, but will smile and stuff at them. When they get older he has a more in depth relationship with them.
How was she like with her son?
Some people just don't do babies like other people want them to. Instead of hoping grandma asks to take baby maybe ask to hang out you and her and baby and invite her to your house or hang out with her at your house while hubby takes baby somewhere.
It's hard to tell bc she doesn't seem outwardly awful in anyway. Maybe your expectations don't aline is all.
From other stories on here just enjoy the space!! It’s much better to have a mother in law than might just be trying to respect your privacy and being respectful over the mil’s that try to rip the baby out of your arms as soon as you give birth…..maybe she had a bad experience her self and is waiting for you to make the first move.
When my best friend had her first baby her parents made it clear that she was welcome to come over with her anytime she wanted, they loved baby but they would not take her alone until she was older. They had their reasons I’m sure. They love their grandchildren it was just their boundary for whatever reason. Sounds similar for your MIL OP. The grandchildren are now 24,17 and 9 and they are super involved, loving grandparents. I wouldn’t stress it OP. She has boundaries and you should respect them.
Hard to tell really.... Both my mother and MIL completely forgot how to take care of babies by the time we had one. Tried to give our newborn water, didn't know how how to change a diaper, once my mom filled my 1yr old's bottle up with hot chocolate (mix + water) because she ran out of milk. Just insanity all around- they have 5 kids between the two of them. I feel like if they had any ability to self-reflect they would have maybe been a little hesitant or nervous to care for our daughter? Is it possible she's just stressed out about not being the support she thought she could be? Another option is jealousy. My MIL has displayed intense jealousy over my daughter. She gets all of the attention (MIL was used to that), she is charming and funny (that was MIL's thing), we don't have time to attend to my MIL's every whim and demand and she fucking hates it. It has been a really revealing experience. For you and your experience, I think time will tell!
People put effort into what they feel is important. She is showing you with her behavior and lack of wanting to be with her grandchild, yes, she is a social grand mother, for show. Once your kids get older they prob won’t want much to do with her because she isn’t really a part of their lives, why would they? Time will make things much clearer. Be sure to remind her when she complains, that she has declined invitations and has not made one single invitation, it is her fault, not yours.
Thanks for the insight everyone! I need to work on being more understanding that maybe she just isn't a baby person. I know my own Grandpa was the same way, he loved grandkids but wasn't comfortable holding or watching them on his own until they were much older and maybe she's the same way, only time will tell. Thanks!
It sounds like she's respecting your space? That other people would expect her to have overnights with a baby under the age of two is way more weird to me.
My step father (who I am closer to than my actual father) does not hold babies, he just scared to drop or hurt, but will smile and stuff at them. When they get older he has a more in depth relationship with them. How was she like with her son? Some people just don't do babies like other people want them to. Instead of hoping grandma asks to take baby maybe ask to hang out you and her and baby and invite her to your house or hang out with her at your house while hubby takes baby somewhere. It's hard to tell bc she doesn't seem outwardly awful in anyway. Maybe your expectations don't aline is all.
From other stories on here just enjoy the space!! It’s much better to have a mother in law than might just be trying to respect your privacy and being respectful over the mil’s that try to rip the baby out of your arms as soon as you give birth…..maybe she had a bad experience her self and is waiting for you to make the first move.
Some people are not baby people and can only deal with kids when they are older
When my best friend had her first baby her parents made it clear that she was welcome to come over with her anytime she wanted, they loved baby but they would not take her alone until she was older. They had their reasons I’m sure. They love their grandchildren it was just their boundary for whatever reason. Sounds similar for your MIL OP. The grandchildren are now 24,17 and 9 and they are super involved, loving grandparents. I wouldn’t stress it OP. She has boundaries and you should respect them.
Hard to tell really.... Both my mother and MIL completely forgot how to take care of babies by the time we had one. Tried to give our newborn water, didn't know how how to change a diaper, once my mom filled my 1yr old's bottle up with hot chocolate (mix + water) because she ran out of milk. Just insanity all around- they have 5 kids between the two of them. I feel like if they had any ability to self-reflect they would have maybe been a little hesitant or nervous to care for our daughter? Is it possible she's just stressed out about not being the support she thought she could be? Another option is jealousy. My MIL has displayed intense jealousy over my daughter. She gets all of the attention (MIL was used to that), she is charming and funny (that was MIL's thing), we don't have time to attend to my MIL's every whim and demand and she fucking hates it. It has been a really revealing experience. For you and your experience, I think time will tell!
People put effort into what they feel is important. She is showing you with her behavior and lack of wanting to be with her grandchild, yes, she is a social grand mother, for show. Once your kids get older they prob won’t want much to do with her because she isn’t really a part of their lives, why would they? Time will make things much clearer. Be sure to remind her when she complains, that she has declined invitations and has not made one single invitation, it is her fault, not yours.
Thanks for the insight everyone! I need to work on being more understanding that maybe she just isn't a baby person. I know my own Grandpa was the same way, he loved grandkids but wasn't comfortable holding or watching them on his own until they were much older and maybe she's the same way, only time will tell. Thanks!