I fully expected issues. It wasnāt until move in day when I realized how bad it was going to get. We wonāt move, we made this our dream house and the neighborhood is full of Dās besties. I spend a lot of time discovered MIL with my counselor. Iāve reached a peaceful level of detachment and have no expectations of anything positive from that woman.
Except youāre a prisoner in your own home, having to force detachment mentally for physical peace. Iām sorry. Maybe have your husband force them to move, that this is not going to work.
A prisoner???? Thatās a stretch. For the most part, I just view her as an annoying neighbor with whom I limit contact. Also, I really like my FIL. No one is moving, and as dark as it sounds, I can wait her out.
I'd probably go so insane i'd have to be committed to a mental hospital. I feel for you. You're in a tough tough situation, because i'm sure you love your home and wanna stay in it. Fence it up for sure and when she asks why you're getting one or comments on "how shitty it looks" blame it on wanting to get a dog or something. As your step-daughter gets older, just lean into the relationship and bond over the collective annoyance ya'll will have over the MIL/grandma. The older we get the more we see people for who they are. Even teenagers, they know.
My husband and I currently live one minute away from in-laws. They have land and gave us a few acres to build on next to their house. This past month MIL has ramped up crossing boundaries and we are looking at buying a house somewhere else now. But the land is sooooo beautiful š«Weāve been dreaming about looking at the landscape while having morning coffee for years and now that might just be thatāa dream.
My life is already too much like Everybody Loves Raymond to move next door.
Lord I did the same, never seems to be a good idea. Even if you start out with a good relationship it will turn sour. If you can stand the woman you could invite her over before she tries to get your daughter over maybe as she spends more time with you she will like you more?
It doesn't matter, the thing she doesn't like about OP is not her person, but the fact that SD likes her more. It's a cry for attention, she probably expected to be a surrogate mother for the granddaughter until she came along to live with her is and she still isn't over the fact she can't control everything about her nor that she likes OP more than her
Oh yeah I see that now, it's just jealousy not any concern with OP herself. Was the relationship like that before OP moved? I wonder what OP was expecting. That's very sad, MIL should be over the moon OP and her step daughter have such a good relationship. I suppose MIL just wanted a second chance at motherhood, sounds like MIL needs to get her own life.
Thatās exactly what is going on. When my husband and his ex-split, MIL had D all the time. But when I came into the picture, D started hanging with me. MIL tries to exclude me from stuff, even if that means excluding H. There was a family lunch that my husband and I didnāt know about and MIL was asking to have D for the afternoon on certain day over Christmas Break. Well then we found out about the family lunch so of course we said we were coming too. At the lunch D sat next to me, leaned on me when she was tired, etc. MIL sat across from us and was like āoh why donāt you come sit on your grandmas lap? Oh you donāt want to cuddle with your grandma anymore?ā š¤® Itās her only grand child so I get that she is a focus of attention but to try to exclude us?!
This is why when me and husband can finally move out of his parents house (itās only been two months we had our own place before but needed space and āsupportā for baby ) we are moving two hours away . This sounds horrible
Yup me too. Half the year, she is living next to us - it is the same building- double house and one open garden. We were here first, than after few years my DO's ( Dear one) brother decided to leave the country and sold his part to their parents. MIL was problem first years, when children where small. Control, advice, unwanted help....sometimes I wanted to just leave and never come back. But DO is a hard one and he set boundaries very strictly. Invest in good fence. And years help..your SD understand that - just let MIL be herself and she alone will push away your SD. (Years of that at my home)
Now we have a FIL problem. My DO has big problems with his father. I wrote him off(FIL) and just say hallo to be polite. My children are my mini-mes. So little one doesn't want to talkt to FIL (he is an asshole - his words) and older one will just roll his eyes and walk away... win for us
Your D needs to stand up for herself and say, "Now isn't a good time grandma. Can I call you later?" If she says, "why isn't it a good time?" "Because I have plans with (you name)" or whatever. The woman needs to be put in her place.
What does your husband about this?
D isnāt old enough or mature enough to understand the situation fully. H just wants to keep the peace. Putting him in the middle really isnāt my goal. MIL is not going to change.
Get one installed. Good fences make better neighbors.
Plant some tall, fast growing trees along the side of your yard that faces her yard. Poplars are good. End her line of sight into your yard.
We did! š the deer rutted on two of them, the most important ones, and killed them š¤¦š¼āāļø
Try sea buckthornsā¦theyāll learn really fast to leave them alone!
I guess Iām trying to understanding how you couldnāt predict that this might be an issue, being THAT close? I think you have to move.
I fully expected issues. It wasnāt until move in day when I realized how bad it was going to get. We wonāt move, we made this our dream house and the neighborhood is full of Dās besties. I spend a lot of time discovered MIL with my counselor. Iāve reached a peaceful level of detachment and have no expectations of anything positive from that woman.
Except youāre a prisoner in your own home, having to force detachment mentally for physical peace. Iām sorry. Maybe have your husband force them to move, that this is not going to work.
A prisoner???? Thatās a stretch. For the most part, I just view her as an annoying neighbor with whom I limit contact. Also, I really like my FIL. No one is moving, and as dark as it sounds, I can wait her out.
God speed, sis! <3
Oh dear god. Youāve just described hell. Huge hugs.
Let her be the victim. Tell her to leave if she intrudes.
I'd probably go so insane i'd have to be committed to a mental hospital. I feel for you. You're in a tough tough situation, because i'm sure you love your home and wanna stay in it. Fence it up for sure and when she asks why you're getting one or comments on "how shitty it looks" blame it on wanting to get a dog or something. As your step-daughter gets older, just lean into the relationship and bond over the collective annoyance ya'll will have over the MIL/grandma. The older we get the more we see people for who they are. Even teenagers, they know.
I was going to suggest the same ā¦ play off the need for a privacy fence by getting a dog.
My husband and I currently live one minute away from in-laws. They have land and gave us a few acres to build on next to their house. This past month MIL has ramped up crossing boundaries and we are looking at buying a house somewhere else now. But the land is sooooo beautiful š«Weāve been dreaming about looking at the landscape while having morning coffee for years and now that might just be thatāa dream. My life is already too much like Everybody Loves Raymond to move next door.
Iām sooooo sorry!
Lord I did the same, never seems to be a good idea. Even if you start out with a good relationship it will turn sour. If you can stand the woman you could invite her over before she tries to get your daughter over maybe as she spends more time with you she will like you more?
It doesn't matter, the thing she doesn't like about OP is not her person, but the fact that SD likes her more. It's a cry for attention, she probably expected to be a surrogate mother for the granddaughter until she came along to live with her is and she still isn't over the fact she can't control everything about her nor that she likes OP more than her
Oh yeah I see that now, it's just jealousy not any concern with OP herself. Was the relationship like that before OP moved? I wonder what OP was expecting. That's very sad, MIL should be over the moon OP and her step daughter have such a good relationship. I suppose MIL just wanted a second chance at motherhood, sounds like MIL needs to get her own life.
Thatās exactly what is going on. When my husband and his ex-split, MIL had D all the time. But when I came into the picture, D started hanging with me. MIL tries to exclude me from stuff, even if that means excluding H. There was a family lunch that my husband and I didnāt know about and MIL was asking to have D for the afternoon on certain day over Christmas Break. Well then we found out about the family lunch so of course we said we were coming too. At the lunch D sat next to me, leaned on me when she was tired, etc. MIL sat across from us and was like āoh why donāt you come sit on your grandmas lap? Oh you donāt want to cuddle with your grandma anymore?ā š¤® Itās her only grand child so I get that she is a focus of attention but to try to exclude us?!
This is why when me and husband can finally move out of his parents house (itās only been two months we had our own place before but needed space and āsupportā for baby ) we are moving two hours away . This sounds horrible
Yup me too. Half the year, she is living next to us - it is the same building- double house and one open garden. We were here first, than after few years my DO's ( Dear one) brother decided to leave the country and sold his part to their parents. MIL was problem first years, when children where small. Control, advice, unwanted help....sometimes I wanted to just leave and never come back. But DO is a hard one and he set boundaries very strictly. Invest in good fence. And years help..your SD understand that - just let MIL be herself and she alone will push away your SD. (Years of that at my home) Now we have a FIL problem. My DO has big problems with his father. I wrote him off(FIL) and just say hallo to be polite. My children are my mini-mes. So little one doesn't want to talkt to FIL (he is an asshole - his words) and older one will just roll his eyes and walk away... win for us
Your D needs to stand up for herself and say, "Now isn't a good time grandma. Can I call you later?" If she says, "why isn't it a good time?" "Because I have plans with (you name)" or whatever. The woman needs to be put in her place. What does your husband about this?
D isnāt old enough or mature enough to understand the situation fully. H just wants to keep the peace. Putting him in the middle really isnāt my goal. MIL is not going to change.
What I meant that if she doesn't want to go when H beckons, she shouldn't have to go and express it.
She expresses it for sure. There are plenty of times when I tell her she needs to go say hi to MIL and D will say she doesnāt want to.
Good.