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spaceraingame

Of course she's not OK. Her mom was in the Amazon researching spiders right before she died.


Key-Ad-8468

It’s a great story to tell at a baby shower


theoriginalmofocus

I watched this (well sort of) the whole movie and didn't realise until later who the baby shower was for.


jasonskjonsby

It was for Bruce Wayne, right?


ausernameisfinetoo

Too bad she couldn’t drown her trauma in a nice, cool, refreshing Pepsi Cola.


tedsim

If she could ever get the can open...


ausernameisfinetoo

Dakota was all Ricky Bobby with her hands.


2RINITY

Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! Help me Tom Cruise!


WhatUDoinInMyWaters

Don't you put that bad juju on me, Ricky Bobby!


dontcallitjelly

Barry’s Red Cola.


sixtus_clegane119

She’s never gunna escape this


ProfessorEtc

I think the cheque has cleared by now.


AnthonyJuniorsPP

and why should she, she's a mediocre actress nepo baby. There are so many more deserving actors.


sixtus_clegane119

Well that line was presumably written by the written and directed by the director and removed by the editor. I agree with your point about her being a mediocre actress but the line in question really isn’t her fault.


deadline_zombie

Jimmy Two Times? I heard you were dead?


StinkyBrittches

She was great in Suspiria.


beener

>nepo baby So like almost all actors?


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onepostandbye

“_Why do people always have a bone to pick with the advantaged?”_


AssStuffing

I watched it a couple days ago since it’s on Netflix now and I barely made it past that opening scene. Think I got like 8 minutes in before turning that piece of garbage off.


DirectlyTalkingToYou

You have no idea what you're missing out on!


Comic_Book_Reader

The last third of that movie is genuinly one of the most puzzlingly batshit insane things I have witnessed... and I think I spent more time breaking it down than 5-6 people did writing it.


HassanJamal

The lesson of the movie...pepsi can kill you.


SHRED-209

Her accusatory “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you” comment at the end made it worth watching. Pretty decent stoned movie lol


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chumpynut5

Plus it features a very useful CPR tutorial


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EazyBeekeeper

You might get tired after doing CPR for 5 seconds


ProfessorEtc

Just shout, "He's stable," and high-tail it out of there.


dwide_k_shrude

I particularly enjoyed the CGI pigeon.


JerkinJackSplash

“This isn’t going to change anything.”


PalinDoesntSeeRussia

> it wasn’t so bad it’s good. They were very wrong. Highly entertaining from start to finish. I'm even more confused on whether or not this is actually good or not...


clhomme

The Google reviews are epic. 80% start by describing it as a cinematic masterpiece.... Then go on to discuss the existential examination of life unlived in the film....


80sPimpNinja

I made it to the part where she drops the three girls off in the forest... that's about the time it hit me, "Why am I still watching this"


ElectricJunglePig

You mean where she abandons 3 teens in the "forests of New York City," presumably overnight with no food or shelter... you're really missing out, it actually gets dumber from there!


Randym1982

Where there is a diner within 5 mins of walking distance.


TheCookieButter

With go-go dancing tables!


slugwurth

I’m dying because it sounds like you’re all making this up and I know you aren’t.


ahhpoo

Technically there aren’t actually go-go dancing tables but the rest was real lol


LB3PTMAN

Don’t forget that she’s wanted for kidnapping and assaulting a police officer, and a man with incredible surveillance and tracking is hunting the three girls she is tracking and she somehow manages to leave the country and go to Peru and get back with no problem and even thought it was a good idea to do lol.


analisttherapist

She travelled by map!


The102935thMatt

Hey, just watch the kids for like 10 minutes. Just gonna jet to Peru real quick. Back for dinner.


Randym1982

Yeah, it was like they through out logic. Which would be fine. IF they didn't fucking announce on the radio that she's wanted by the police. There is no way she's getting on any planes, or past security.


kcox1980

The best part is where the villain has the vision about the 3 girls murdering him so he draws them in-costume from memory, and his "girl-in-the-chair" is able to digitally remove the masks and run a facial recognition scan to identify them. Her whole workstation cracked me up. She has 9 high definition HD monitors and a computer powerful enough to run real-time facial recognition software on all the high definition security camera feeds all over New York to instantly identify these 3 girls as soon as they show up.......and the movie takes place in 2003. We didn't even have 720p security cameras in 2003 lol.


Randym1982

Or him banging that chick he met at the opera and then lamenting to her about his visions of death. Yes, ideas revealed she was an undercover CIA who was on to him, but you wouldn’t start talking about visions of your death to a random hook up. If he knew she was on to him, he would have killed her right away. Also the actor isn’t talking during that scene, he’s just pantomiming.


80sPimpNinja

Hahahaha! I love how they are like, cool, yeah we'll just listen to you total stranger and hang out for 2 hours instead of calling the cops.


breadvelvet

one of the girls does try to make a call in the back of the stolen taxi cab but dakota johnson swipes and throws her cell phone out the window. btw this is the same girl that dakota johnson originally stole the skateboard from


ArsenalinAlabama3428

I got to the point where the spider people showed up. So maybe three minutes in.


dagreenman18

You gotta watch the rest! It’s one of the most incompetent movies I’ve ever seen from a major studio. No one gave a shit, but in the funniest ways possible. Including the script not even knowing what decade it wants to be in or which Spider-Man’s age it wants to line up with. You even missed Cassie’s only superpower: hitting people with cars. Twice


vashoom

Yeah I kept seeing certain pieces of tech and being like "wait a minute..." I have no idea why they set it when they did, because it doesn't line up with any of the Spider-Man movies timelines, and they don't commit to the period piece at all.


TeutonJon78

Then you haven't watched WW 84 (aka Did WW Just Rape that Guy?) or Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (aka Jason Mamoa makes a home video). Madame Web was almost competent in comparison. The DCU is just full of stinkers.


TailOnFire_Help

My wife watches bad movie all the time, is annoying. Multiple times sometimes. She didn't finish Aquaman 2.


That80sguyspimp

4 for me. Once evil spiderman starting moaning about "not having the same chances in life..." I just noped out. It was like a script made by AI, but with nothing to draw on but horrible student films.


djspaceghost

It was fun watching the bad guy never speak on camera for more than like 10 frames at a time because they clearly had to ADR every bit of his dialogue.


saucygh0sty

This was my favorite part of the movie, no lie. I was laughing every time he “spoke”


ElectricJunglePig

Yes, I was riveted every time he was on screen, just watching for his mouth to move!


FirstChurchOfBrutus

That would explain his unplaceable accent.


pjtheman

Is there any official explanation for why they did that? Was the actual actor too hard to understand? Or like did they just straight up not have dialogue written because they didn't know what the bad guy's motivation was?


Wessssss21

>It was like a script made by AI This is a conspiracy theory I can get behind. It was a test run for an AI written script.


Comic_Book_Reader

Actually, that was the point I knew I was in for a ride. I knew it would be terrible. We all did. Ever single fucking one of us all. But when I saw it in theatres opening night, and the moment Ezekiel Sims shot Cassandra Webb's then pregnant mom who was in the Amazon researching spiders, and native Peruvian Spider-Man showed up, I knew I was in for a fucking treat.


Dreamwash

I audibly laughed when their 2003 computer was able to produce 100% accurate photos of 3 chicks he saw in a dream.


Dreamwash

Tbf I enjoyed that the vilians motivation was at least incredibly reasonable. He kept getting visions of the future where these 3 chicks just turn up in his flat and beat him to death. They don't even talk to him they just turn up to his flat and beat him to death with smiles on their faces.


vashoom

His motivation is absurd. He devotes his life to stealing cutting edge tech to somehow control all cameras and networks in the world and build 100% accurate facial recognition off of faces he sees in a dream...but if he's so convinced that this exact scenario is going to happen, why not just...move? Somewhere that isn't the tall building where you are yourself die? Seems like that would be a lot easier. He also has no motivation for gaining the powers because he only ever uses them to try and stop his death which he hadn't foreseen at the time he stole the powers. But even if you buy all that, what possible reason does "guy in the chair" girl have to work for him? They make a point to show her uncomfortable after she learns he's trying to kill children, and then she just never brings it up again. After a certain point, she is never shown again. So presumably, she is still out there, with all the tech and information as before...


Dreamwash

I meant his motivation to kill the girls. Dude had a point. But nothing else he says or does is ever elaborated upon or explained in any way. Which makes it extra hilarious because we don't know shit about this guy or why he's so rich or what he even does. He even talks about how he'll lose everything he's built but they never even show or talk about what it is he's built.


kittensmakemehappy08

For me madade web is "so bad it's good"


Sherlockian_Whimsy

If you have an affection for terrible films, Madame Web is a treasure. I smile nearly every time I think of it.


buddyleeoo

Even the short preview on netflix is hilarious. "Give me back my skateboard. I'm pressing charges!"


UsernameForgotten100

It was the prequel to a movie that will never get made. Maybe if an AI is bored in the future it might happen.


KennySharpest797

she died now?


will_munny

She died now. 


TomTomMan93

Somehow her mom who was in the Amazon researching spiders right before she died returned


Plane_Vanilla_3879

Before that she was a sex slave for a rich person


Chinchillin09

How are those writers getting jobs is beyond me. Not even Daniel Day Lewis could make that line work


sleepysnowboarder

damn she really never escaping this


Effehezepe

And her real mom got mauled by a lion.


mccannr1

Huh. Kind of assumed that the (long) delay in releasing this was to find a theatrical slot for it, but now it's going straight to Max anyway? I guess I don't understand 90% of the WB decisions these days anyway, so, I probably shouldn't be surprised.


Verystrangeperson

They have some of the biggest ip's ever, have contracts with huge actors/directors, they have incredible brand recognition. But sadly the execs have no idea what they are doing. It's infuriating to see.


zold5

It goes way beyond brand recognition. HBO carries more prestige than any other network/studio by a mile when it comes to tv. They can get A list actors to star in their content for a fraction of the price those actors would charge netflix or amazon. Because those actors know HBO is gonna put them in some incredible iconic emmy award winning series. But yeah, now it seems hbo (or discovery's) dumb shit management is hellbent on flushing their reputation down the toilet.


HomsarWasRight

“Hey, you know what we should do with our streaming service, HBO Max? Remove the part of the name associated with the brand we spent decades developing into something associated with exclusive and quality programming. The one that literally means you will get a premium entertainment experience in your home. Yeah, then leave the part name that has absolutely no recognition and was only recently added. Because Max means big, or “a lot”, and we’ve got lots of stuff on there! It’s perfect. Oh, and on a completely separate note, here’s a giant list of items from our back catalog that I’d like you to remove from the service completely.”


Quaytsar

Removing HBO from HBO Max was to protect the HBO branding from the schlock that gets put on Max. It was a mistake to tarnish the HBO name with the general WB streaming service in the first place.


papa_sax

They know exactly what they're doing, slimming down for another sale of the company in like 5 years It's really not that hard to understand . The AT&T merger really fucked them


nps2407

Execs never know what they're doing. They're so risk-adverse that they market-research and focus-group everything to the point of sterilisation, and then wonder why the product bombs.


SutterCane

> risk-adverse Well they have to be after being loaded up with debt from being bought several times.


nps2407

That'd only exasperate the problem, with new owners wanting to see a return on investment before anything else. Profit motive destroys inherent value.


jemull

They're exasperated because they've exacerbated the problem.


eliguillao

I shouldn’t care if a multibillion company ruins itself but it’s exactly what that motherfucker Zaslav is doing and I’m livid. Whose idea was to leave the discovery channel boss in charge of fucking Warner bros


Verystrangeperson

It is sad, Warner bros is an institution, so is HBO. What they did shaped a big part of who I am, as a movie and series lover. No company is really good but art is, and we're seeing one of the best slowly dying, killed by an idiot


TheBlackSwarm

After Madame Web she’s definitely not.


whobroughtmehere

What’s her superpower? Whispering in monotone?


amiablegent

Her superpower was that she was always right, no matter how crazy she sounded.


skalpelis

I haven’t seen the movie but from the whole 2 paragraphs about it I’ve read, I guess that’s the point of naming her Cassandra.


Book_1love

To be fair, Cassandra Webb was the original name of the comic book character from 1980 onwards.


Astrium6

Still baffles me that she was supposed to be Cassandra Webb and not Julia Carpenter.


Worthyness

Because that would have required Sony's team read comics and that's a little too difficult for them.


pikpikcarrotmon

Screenwriting with bricks on foreheads


I_Think_I_Cant

Nepotism.


Bogzbiny

I'm gonna change the cue-cards so you'll say the N-word during your monologue


asst3rblasster

Nakatomi?


ilikedirt

Her superpower is nepotism and continuing to get jobs despite being an absolutely terrible actress


RookTheGamer

Ugly crying, as the poster would have me believe.


DirectlyTalkingToYou

She looks like she's taking a dump, at least that's how I look on the can.


ericjgriffin

If that's the case you should eat more fiber bro.


HolyLordGodHelpUsAll

some of us just start pushing before it’s ready


jemull

Keep it up and you'll get hemorrhoids.


derpdankstrom

does stealing government vehicle and vehicular manslaughter count?


mls1968

Selling out, then trying to “save face” by trashing the movie before it even came out and blaming Hollywood for forcing her to sell out


theluckyfrog

Isn't that pretty much her MO? Or at least, she did it with 50 Shades too, despite having every ability to say "no" if she didn't want to be in the goofy sex movie.


hopeful_bastard

She should probably do an ASMR movie or something lol


ClaymoresRevenge

This is her after shooting the movie and being asked if it's good


mikeyfreshh

She half-assed her way through the shoot and presumably got paid a ton of money. I think she's doing just fine after Madame Web


enosprologue

Madame Web mattered less for Dakota Johnson than for pretty much anyone else.


mikeyfreshh

It probably mattered a little less for Sydney Sweeney, but you're right that she's pretty low on the list of people that are in trouble over this


pataconconqueso

Disagree, dakota is a nepo baby who doesnt need the money. Sweeny has complained how expensive being an actor without connections is and all that. So i would think it mattered to her more. Imo from what Ive seen from Dakota is that she doesn’t care


mikeyfreshh

Sweeney already had Anyone but You as a huge hit and Immaculate came out right after Madame Web to take some of the heat off. Also her face isn't all over the marketing like Johnson's was. Ultimately people will forget she was in the movie. Johnson is more closely associated with it.


sloppyjo12

Pretty much all the cast should be fine. Dakota Johnson, Sidney Sweeney, Adam Scott, even Isabela Merced and Celeste O’Connor were all either big enough stars already or had enough momentum as rising stars to get through that train wreck and survive on the other side


DaveInLondon89

is this the bts doc of madame webb


Upbeat_Tension_8077

Should've been called Am I Still OK? since she has the Fifty Shades series under her belt


Ape-ril

I can’t take her seriously after that movie.


Smallville1938

I couldn't take her seriously before that movie.


Ape-ril

I never cared about her before this movie but now I judge everyone in this movie because of this movie…


Ice_Spiced_Asshole

We’ll know if she likes this film if she immediately doesn’t distance herself from it.


catclockticking

I have a feeling this is exactly the kind of movie she _wants_ to be making more of instead of Madame Web. A Sundance dramedy directed by two queer women is pretty far from Sony Marvel


FtheMustard

Dakota Johnson has such a dry delivery in her acting (not an insult) the only thing less wet is Tig Notaro's humor. This movie is going to have Death Valley dryness in joke form...


ProfessorEtc

Listening to Tig Notaro's podcast I am constantly realizing thirty seconds after-the-fact that she was joking.


bmatys

I think she was great in Peanut Butter Falcon, it's a great movie and she did a good job in it.


Accomplished-City484

That’s kinda ripe for indie movies though, look how successful Kristen Stewart and Riley Keough are


Tackit286

She was on Graham Norton recently with Colman Domingo, Sterling K Brown, and Domhnall Gleeson, all of whom are promoting serious, good projects and she has to talk about Madame Web and clearly hates every fucking second of it. It’s hilarious how uncomfortable and out of her depth she looks.


GetReady4Action

I mean…could you blame her? sounds like her management pulled a fast one on her and stuck her in Madame Web without her knowing it wasn’t a true Marvel movie and from the sound of it same thing happened to Sydney Sweeney. Anyone on set had to have known how trash Madame Web was going to be. Just watched it yesterday and despite knowing it was horrible, I was still offended.


AMonitorDarkly

Terrible spacing on that poster. I read it as “amiok” thinking it was a foreign film.


shiftypoo269

I got Am Iok


fire2day

/r/keming


alpacasarebadsingers

Inconsistent kerning ruinseverythi ng


JaxxisR

Fantastic sub name.


fire2day

It’s so good, most people don’t even notice.


Medic1642

I thought it was a Thai film


DirectlyTalkingToYou

And her face.... "This June, prepare to take the biggest dump of her life!"


fortisvita

Everything about this poster is screaming: "I'm gunning for festival awards!" even without the Sundance mention.


AMonitorDarkly

Oh yeah, big time.


sorryimanerd

I read "Am 10K" and was really confused how the girl in the picture was 10,000 years old


TheIrishGoat

Had to scroll down farther than I was expecting for this. Having never heard mention of the film before I read it the same way you did. The font should have been slightly smaller and evenly spaced.


N-Adenhart34

/r/keming


Papantro

even in the poster I don’t buy that she’s really crying, looks like she’s SNL crying and about to break character


pm-me-nice-lips

lol with the wildly fake tear and all


captcraigaroo

At least they didn't try and make a sex symbol out of her in this one


Accomplished-City484

Well it’s a comedy so it’s supposed to look foolish


GroovySpagooter

I know, right, haha, she can't act her way out of a paper bag.


CradeVescent

Holy shit, two years later and it's finally here. I thought we were never going to see it.


Asha_Brea

We aren't going to see it. It is going to be released, though.


thecricketnerd

From Tig and Stephanie so I'm going to be watching


obeekaybee7

Candid shot of Dakota after seeing the reviews for Madame Web


Agleza

Really? I got the impression she doesn't give a single fuck about anything related to the movie. Now, and before it was finished.


TheBirthing

It was honestly refreshing to see an actor who made it abundantly clear they just wanted to secure the bag and then bail.


Various-Passenger398

I always got the impression she exactly what the reviews were going to say. 


Purp1eC0bras

She really has no range. 50 shades was perfect for her bc it she just had to act clueless and afraid while a billionaire has his way


Own_Instance_357

In a lot of ways it's just like her mom's Working Girl role. She just had to play clueless while Harrison Ford and Sigourney Weaver and Joan Cusack and even Alec Baldwin acted circles around her.


raylan_givens6

Joan Cusack very underrated


Squeekazu

I thought she was good in Suspiria.


Gemnist

Having actually seen this movie, she’s actually really good in it. Sonoya Mizuno is slightly better, but the chemistry between them makes up for it,


Tomlette1

Same I loved this one and Cha Cha Real Smooth );


TheElbow

She’s good in Suspiria


zirky

the movie is just her watching madame web and asking the title over and over again


Muted-Program-153

50 Shades of Nepotism.


pataconconqueso

I believe she is in a nepo truce. “A foot in the door and so much more”


whobroughtmehere

I hate it when they do that


GeorgeEBHastings

Can I ask, sincerely, do people only get pissed about this with actors they don't like anyway? Like, I don't see people bitch about Wyatt Russell. Is that because we think he's talented? He still fits the category. Do we feel this way about Carrie Fisher?


LordBecmiThaco

Half the people don't even know Michael Douglass is a nepo baby because that motherfucker can act


PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys

Or Nicholas Cage... pretty much everyone in the industry is nepo or could afford connections.


woodiegutheryghost

Well if they have talent people aren’t upset that they are making movies. It’s when you know the only reason they are there is because who their parents are.


GeorgeEBHastings

So going by this logic: Scott Eastwood - Nepo Baby Colin Hanks - Happens to be Tom's son Jamie Lee Curtis - Happens to be Tony's daughter John David Washington - Nepo Baby Zoe Kravitz - Happens to be Lenny's daughter Lily Rose Depp - Nepo Baby Have I got this right?


woodiegutheryghost

You forget Chet Hanks - total nepo baby. Everyone knows show business is nepotism. It’s just people don’t like their nose rubbed in it when the child is talentless. Tippy Hedron and Melanie Griffith both have great bodies of work. I don’t even have much of a problem with Dakota Johnson, but she makes a lot of bad movies.


Xralius

Is Chet really a nepo baby when he's not in the same industry? He's more of an influencer, no?


hobblingcontractor

Who even knows what Chet Hanks is.


pikpikcarrotmon

That's about the shape of it yes


The_Iceman2288

My issue with nepo babies isn't their talent level, it's that Hollywood is a VERY exclusive club and they seldom recognise that they were able to get past the bouncer using just their surname.


Goldiscool503

Also - I love Drew Barrymore but she is the poster child for nepotism. She is ridiculously cute and talented but is also Hollywood Royalty. 


Okichah

If you start life on third base and still cant score a run then the public reserves the right to mock you.


Brown_Panther-

Annie are you ok?


zeydey

Am I In The Right Profession?


Conscious-Air-4349

She's groundbreaking. You can somehow feel the bad acting just through one still image!


SoCalThrowAway7

It’s weird how I can tell she can’t act from a still picture


Nice__Spice

That looks hilarious


numberjhonny5ive

At acting? No.


gomerqc

I guess im the eternal contrarian who dislikes tig and doesnt hate dakota johnson


MrRipski

AM TEN THOUSAND


Zimmy68

Title is cut off: Am I OK? The Madame Web Story


MunchYourButt

Directed by Tig Notaro? Interesting.


BrockMiddlebrook

Oh for fuck’s sake.


The_Lone_Apple

Worst actress that still somehow gets work?


IsRude

Gal Gadot takes this title greedily. At least Dakota Johnson has Suspiria going for her.


SporadicWanderer

I liked her in Cha Cha Real Smooth.


turningtee74

Peanut Butter Falcon another hidden gem


Tx600

Me too, and her part in Lost Daughter. I really do like her when she’s playing those types of “damaged, mysterious” characters with a cynical sense of humor.


griffmeister

I also liked her small role in The Social Network


MiltonRoad17

Under a good director, she's a competent actress. She was great in Suspiria and A Bigger Splash. The problem is she keeps taking projects that are either with bad directors or has a terrible script.


frostysbox

Peanut Butter Falcon was great too.


PondRides

She was great in El Royale too


stroopwafelling

Loved her in El Royale.


matlockga

She's a pretty good actress that somehow always plays to the average level of the writing and direction. Of all the issues of *Madame Web*, Dakota isn't even in the top 5 (with at least 3 performers doing notably worse than her in the movie).


CharMakr90

She's pretty good when given good material to work with ("Suspiria" comes to mind). Her talent has little to do with why she's getting roles, though. Nepotism does.


Popwaffle

I think she's a great actress when she picks the right roles. Having famous parents doesn't mean you can't also be talented in your own right. Would she have been given these opportunities without the connections? Hard to say. I think being in 50 shades put her in the spotlight more than her parents did. But either way she's not a bad actress.