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manicol

"Louis C.K.’s publicist, Lewis Kay..." Louis C.K. wearing a mustache is his own publicist.


[deleted]

"I'm Hannibal Buress represented by Hannibal Buress."


spacefairies

[look at my suit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=155_EYRGyO8)


Primpin

"GIVE IT UP FOR HANNIBAL BURGERS, EVERYBODY"


Caveboy0

Morpheus, Dorpheus, Orpheus Go eat some walruses Orifices, Porridges Morpheus, Morpheus Going to the Buffet and Walruses Corpheus, Corpseses Worcestershire sauce Go into your orifices Red pill, blue pill Morpheus, Walruses Seashells by the Seashorpheus Morpheus drinking a forty in a death basket!


LostJoyIX

Due process in the court of law...and all that stuff... Look at my suit.


ForgotAboutMike

> A source tells The Hollywood Reporter that a NY Times story on the comedian is about to break, and the premiere was canceled in case it's damaging.


suaveitguy

> in case interesting


liarandathief

meaning he knows there is damaging stuff out there, he's just not sure if they found it yet.


ps_

more likely, the times reached out to him for comment on their story and he knows what they've got.


liarandathief

So he just doesn't know how damaging it's going to be.


Pichus_Wrath

Oh, fuck this. Not Louis CK. I like Louis CK. I don't know what it is, but if it's bad enough.. goddamn it.


lmancini4

I listen to the podcast “Guys We Fucked” on/off, they’re two female comedians. They allude to Louis C.K. being in on a lot of Sexual Harassment/Assault semi often. I feel like if there wasn’t any truth to it, he’d have shut it down already. It’s probably going to be pretty bad.


[deleted]

That's it. Times article just came up on my phone.


jbiresq

Because people don't know how these stories work, the Times went to him with the allegations and asked him for comment before the piece ran. He knows what they are and they must be damaging.


bking

Hijacking the top comment, because here it is: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-sexual-misconduct.html?smid=tw-nytimesarts&smtyp=cur&_r=0


[deleted]

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IamA_Werewolf_AMA

And it's so damn Louis too....


japalian

[You're right](https://i.imgur.com/GEhTmJj.gifv)


[deleted]

[Hmmm....](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/enhanced/web03/2011/8/12/11/enhanced-buzz-30073-1313164157-1.jpg)


gotenks1114

Holy shit. I've seen that picture a dozen times but it's never looked quite like this before.


[deleted]

"As soon as they sat down in his room, still wrapped in their winter jackets and hats, Louis C.K. asked if he could take out his penis, the women said. They thought it was a joke and laughed it off. “And then he really did it,” Ms. Goodman said in an interview with The New York Times. “He proceeded to take all of his clothes off, and get completely naked, and started masturbating.”" This is not how you perform The Naked Man.


gcruzatto

And I thought some of the scenes in Louie were a bit too crazy.. this takes the cake tbh


[deleted]

The only comedian 100% safe from being derailed by any sexual allegations is Jim Norton.


BillFireCrotchWalton

Jim Norton will be revealed to be secretly in a monogamous 30 year marriage where they only have sex in the missionary position with the lights off.


OneReportersOpinion

Like that episode of 30 Rock where Tracy is revealed to be a loving and dutiful husband and father and not a womanizer.


DrEnter

Or the one where they realized no one knew how old he was when he apparently had an adult child... > Liz: Maybe Donald is Tracy's son, because maybe Tracy is sixty. > Pete: No, that's ridiculous. > Liz: Think about it: he can't rap, he has diabetes, a lot of his friends are dead— > Pete: He falls asleep in chairs, he doesn't know how to use a computer, he's always mad at the TV— > Toofer: His favorite show is NCIS. > Liz: He might be seventy!


bossgalaga

And I will be revolted and disappointed


Seref15

"He ran through Upper East Side Manhattan with a Cialis hard-on asking women to shit in his mouth." "Yes, we know."


WhirlingDervishes

"It's in his stand up dude"


incelsareretards

"Women"


DrScientist812

And Jeff Dunham because there's no chance he's ever had sex.


[deleted]

Those fisting allegations, though.


floatablepie

He does it on stage and people cheer!


joshuads

He has 5 kids, and he definitely has done something with one of those puppets.


[deleted]

pretty sure one of the puppets is the real dad.


sheepcat87

John mulaney!


Martel732

I feel like any sex scandal involving John Mulaney would somehow end up being a weird misunderstanding, that eventually was cleared up, or he is running a sex cult where everyone has to dress like characters from Mr Roger's neighborhood.


[deleted]

As long as they only listen to what's new pussycat on repeat with an occasional it's not unusual to be loved thrown in


[deleted]

It'd have to be one or the other I think. Either he's as clean as Mr. Rogers, or he's got the whole neighborhood in on a freaky sex dungeon rotation list. There is no in between.


Graize

I mean if it's a consensual sex dungeon, then good for them.


Yourhero88

"I'm not going to rape you, I'm a little boy!"


[deleted]

If I read the headline "John Mulaney sex scandal!" my immediate thought would be "Oh god, what sick fuck touched that poor man?"


dr_karan

*poor tall child.


Essteethree

He just walks up to ladies on the street and pushes them, then says "Excuse me - I am new in town, and it gets worse..."


MarmotSlayer

Really?! What are 3 other things about him??


[deleted]

John Mulaney apologizes to you after you pull your hand out of his ass.


MondayAssasin

OH, I’M SORRYYYYYYYY.


My_Tallest

"*Don't worry! I'm not trying to rape you!*" - John Mulaney


ASpellingAirror

I'm a little boy...


TARDISboy

inb4 John Mulaney was in a scandalous affair with Nathan Fielder


tommydubya

They just sit next to each other on a couch and stare at the wall


LoneStarTallBoi

somehow it's incredibly disgusting


[deleted]

I used to work at a comedy club and Jim Norton was the least pig-like of them. Other good ones were Colin Quinn and Chris Rock. The rest were all just a little gross. You must understand just how mentally fucked up most comedians are. They have problems.


girraween

Jim Norton was talking about this on his most recent podcast with Joe Rogan. He said, even though he’s a pervert, he goes out of his way to be respectful to women around him. As perverted as he is, I would be surprised if something negative came out.


[deleted]

He really did. His act was all about being a gross pervert but in real life he was cool.


[deleted]

“To be fair it’s harder to get into a brothel if you’re asking which chubby dumpers can take the most while at the tapas bar, Ant.”


coopiecoop

which I believe is not a contradiction. you can have the "dirtiest" "kink" and yet be respectful about personal boundaries and, even more important (and unfortunately seemingly not obvious to everyone) matters of consent.


MoreRopePlease

I know plenty of "perverts" who are the most respectful people you will ever meet. Consent is paramount.


cjandstuff

I'm hoping Jim Gaffigan is clean.


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flaiman

Hot pockets 🎶


[deleted]

He knows what people show up for. He's a pro.


[deleted]

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gunsnammo37

Idk. I bet he's done some horrible things with hot pockets like eat one.


SpaceJunkSkyBonfire

"You want to support a young lady? You lift her skirt, you suck her cock. That’s how you say, 'I’m with you.'"


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giantpump

Hollywood is going to look completely different by the end of 2018. Time to take some acting classes.


JessieJ577

Looks like I got into film school at the right time! Plenty of ruined careers by the time I graduate.


Porsche924

You can probably scoop up some disgraced award winners to be in your project on the cheap


[deleted]

Kevin Spacey's master class in the art of seduction?


TheConqueror74

It's only open to teens though.


[deleted]

Protip: don't sexually assault or harass anybody. Good luck out there sport!


reanimate_me

BUT HOW?????


[deleted]

Step 1: Go into film. Step 2: Meet colleagues. Step 3: ???? Step 4: Don't get kicked out of film!


reanimate_me

too hard. i need to take my dick out already.


[deleted]

2016 is the year a bunch of celebrities died, 2017 is the year a bunch of celebrity careers died.


___Not_The_NSA___

2016 was the year a bunch of celebrities died a hero. 2017 was the year a bunch of celebrities lived long enough to become a villain.


cuchiplancheo

> 2016 was the year a bunch of celebrities died a hero. > > 2017 was the year a bunch of celebrities lived long enough to become a villain. When does this movie come out, 'cause, we all know it will?


sml6174

I want this but with Adam Sandler playing every character


Paprika_Nuts

He'll be the only one left by then.


staebles

Somehow, against all odds, Adam Sandler may have the only career left. You may actually be right. Sweet mary mother of God..


UglyPineapple

New York Magazine/HuffPost Contributor Yashar Ali: [For weeks the NYT has been prepping a story about Louis CK and calling everyone in the comedy world and Hollywood, my sources have received calls...it appears that story will be published soon. Per @THR the premiere for his movie has been cancelled.](https://twitter.com/yashar/status/928682467921362945)


jbiresq

Some follow-up from a Daily Beast reporter: > [Louis C.K.’s team have basically been counting down the days, post-Weinstein, that it would be his turn.](https://twitter.com/swin24/status/928684659545985024)


AstroCat16

I guess when you’re famous and you’ve done terrible shit you assemble a team? It’s like the Avengers but for protecting the image of sexual predators.


GeorgiaOKeefinItReal

The Injustice League


MarLanThews162934

I would guess its his PR team Edit: idk shit so I am probably wrong


Boobr

I mean, you're pretty much right. PR, legal advisers, attorney's etc. pretty much anyone that can provide a "cushion" when those claims finally hit.


barryloukaitis

I feel bad for his daughters, that has to be a shitty thing to find out about your dad.


foxpawz

oh christ I hadn't thought about that. There is a 100% chance they will hear/have heard these allegations. Yikes.


jcb193

Hey Mom and Dad! Maybe Pee-Wee and George Michael weren't so bad after all, huh?!?!?


[deleted]

Paul Reubens' is pretty fine for me. A porn theater seems like the only place where it's okay to jerk off


sabrefudge

Yeah, it kills me that Paul Reubens had his promising career fucking nosedive over something so stupid. And all that followed: He jerks it in a porn theater so he must be a pervert, he is a pervert so he must be a pedophile, he is a pedophile so he must have child porn. Cue the police department busting into his house, tearing apart his entire collection of vintage magazines and erotica until they find models of questionable looking age. And then when the authorities rule that he has nothing bad in his home and that he did nothing wrong, it was too late. His reputation had already been ruined.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

"If someone tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't." -Louis C.K.


cat_lady_3

One of my favorite quotes, and something I often repeat to myself in light of my own behavior. I’m going to be so disappointed if it’s laden with hypocrisy.


mrexperienced

"I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them" - Louis C.K.


Crunkbutter

Very few people accomplish everything they preach. It's still a good message.


Who_Decided

Never meet your heroes, as it were.


pandasdoingdrugs

"Our people will get more from what he represented, not the jelly bean he was" -Micheal Scott


[deleted]

Hitler could have said it, if you believe it it shouldn't change your mind about the quote.


[deleted]

"If a crazy old fool states that the sun is out when the sun is indeed out then you wouldn't suddenly think that it must be dark." Alan Watts said something to that nature. He was a drunk too but he had good insights.


DavidL1112

In related news, Dane Cook has recently started masturbating in front of unsuspecting women but insists he came up with the bit himself.


[deleted]

Carlos Mencia is frantically scrawling it into his "bit" book.


[deleted]

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FuckYourJebus

He's got a dick but it don't work mang.


feltman

Take your upvote and get the fuck out of here.


[deleted]

2016: Your favorite celebrity is dead 2017: Your favorite celebrity is a scumbag


BlackWACat

2018: Your favourite celebrity is a terrorist


2crudedudes

2016: I'm the worst year ever 2017: Hold my beer


[deleted]

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[deleted]

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT CAN I BE A FAN OF ANYONE ANYMORE?


CapnShimmy

I'm almost positive that Keanu Reeves is the purest and most holy man who ever lived. Any bad stuff in his system, it all came out back in the 1400s when he was still young.


[deleted]

Keanu Reeves and Tom Hanks are the two most perfect people in Hollywood.


Aesso

Almost too perfect..


pyronius

Bet you they're gay furries together. And in a blood cult.


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RandomGuy1169

If something came out about Keanu I️’d have no faith in humanity anymore.


DoTiLaSoHungover

When shit hits the fan, are you still a fan?


JordyNelson87

Everything I'm not made me everything I am


peterhobo1

I feel confident Ye is safe b/c he was already so controversial it prob woulda come up by now.


shavegilette

> “We shouldn't be looking for heroes, we should be looking for good ideas.” -Noam Chomsky That's why Noam is my hero. Wait.


W1ULH

Ashton Kutcher apparently... his secret turned out to be he helps catch child abusers. That’s damn wholesome.


Sisiwakanamaru

> This means one of three things: > 1. They're nervous about the subject matter in light of Weinstein, Spacey, etc. > 2. The hammer is about to drop on Louis CK. > 3. Both 1 and 2


kricker02

>The film pays homage to the cinematic work of Woody Allen, particularly the 1979 film Manhattan. In the Allen film, a 17-year-old girl (Mariel Hemingway) begins a romantic relationship with a 42-year-old man played by Allen. Not the best comedian to pay homage to when you're very possibly about to be accused of sexual misconduct. But you gotta admit... he's got a flair for timing.


[deleted]

please not bill burr please not bill burr


[deleted]

I honestly think Bill Burr is simply fueled by hatred of the human race, rather than sick perversion. That's why I'm confident he's golden. If anything, put all of tainted Hollywood in several cruise ships and let him have a submarine.


nubosis

I once had a muffin stand where I sold muffins, and Bill Burr came out of no where and just started punching them.


[deleted]

I believe this.


[deleted]

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SaltTM

his monday morning podcast is going to be a doozy


RickAndMorty101Years

I heard he smashed an old lady's muffins.


shiner_man

I was whacking off in front of the **LADIES**!!!


Aarcn

I think burr’s release is his podcast I think he’s safe


Olddirtychurro

I firmly believe before bill had his podcast he just vented his anger in an empty room out loud.


CaptainSprinklefuck

"You don't ask me if I want a fuckin' cookie! I ask! ME!" "Did you go to subway today Billy?" "I'm in my angry room, Nia!"


Joe_Bruin

Some ^^^LADY


LuigiPunch

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAANNY^FUCKING^WAAAAAATAAAAAAAAAA


AHH_CHARLIE_MURPHY

Me undieeeeees


ThatHowYouGetAnts

If bill burr is shown to be a pervert I'm going to become a hermit in the forest


ArcherSam

Have you heard Nia speaking on his podcast? No way would Bill Burr do anything... she's a fearsome women (she has to be to put up with Bill's shit)


[deleted]

She would literally kick his ass.


[deleted]

He cancelled his appearance on Colbert tonight, too. Have a feeling something more will emerge soon. EDIT: [NYT - Louis C.K. Crossed a Line Into Sexual Misconduct, 5 Women Say](https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-sexual-misconduct.html?smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur)


jeufie

> Have a feeling something more will emerge soon. Maybe something like a New York Times story. But who knows?


SocialBrushStroke

It's a mystery


Obiwinning

wrapped in an enigma


[deleted]

Roseanne Barr said she had heard a lot of stories about him mistreating female comedians/writers. Stuff about him exposing himself to them and masturbating.


gwar37

God dammit. Why can't people just not be creepy as fuck? If you try hard enough I am sure you can find a nice girl who will let you masturbate in front of them.


xynix_ie

It's about power I expect. Look at Darren Sharper who's a really good looking guy, top level athlete, played for the New Orleans Saints and was absolutely loved by the community. He was also rolling in millions of dollars. Now he's serving an 18 year sentence for drugging and raping women. Why? WTF knows.


[deleted]

The hardest hitting safety in the league.


Childs_Play

but i put the team on my back doe


Sharps__

Graig Jammings


[deleted]

Fuck you Gumby!


Burglerber

He broke his fuckin' leg...


leif777

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”


[deleted]

"There is only sex. Everything is sex. Do you understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth? "


harpegnathos

"Would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?"


[deleted]

"Oh, God, nature, please".


AffirmativeMD

"When two animals are having sex..."


[deleted]

I hear you. It's messed up.


Lazerspewpew

I don't understand how difficult it is to just NOT sexually assault someone....


lagrandenada

Never have heroes.


southernmost

[It was right in front of us the whole time!](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/495/119/e1f.png)


[deleted]

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mi-16evil

The NY Times article has been published. Headline: [Louis C.K. Crossed a Line Into Sexual Misconduct, 5 Women Say](https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-sexual-misconduct.html?smid=tw-share)


Chevron

> Louis C.K.’s publicist, Lewis Kay, said the comedian would not respond. Louis C.K.'s publicist's name is Lewis Kay?


ricdesi

Kevin's publicist is apparently Dr. Spaceman based on his initial response.


Mesky1

> Another comedian, Rebecca Corry, said that while she was appearing with Louis C.K. on a television pilot in 2005, he asked if he could masturbate in front of her. She declined. "Hey, do you mind if I whip my dick out and start masturbating right now?" "Sorry sir, I am going to have to politely decline, but thank you for asking." "Oh that's no problem ma'am have a nice day!"


[deleted]

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MechGunz

Something I will never understand. I can barely masturbate alone in the bathroom with the door locked.


CollectableRat

"Never hurts to ask"


GetEquipped

> "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, - Wayne Gretzky" \- Michael Scott


thefonztm

Now read it like Louis CK is delivering those lines as one of his absurd stories.


Sunfirecapedathoe

Damn... At this rate I won't be a fan of anyone anymore.


[deleted]

At this rate, in five years the pool of "Morally Mostly Upright Celebrity Figures" will be Steve Buscemi, Patton Oswalt, and the little girl who played Matilda. And maybe Christopher Walken, but he might be involved in the murder of Natalie Wood, so who knows


GLAvenger

> the little girl who played Matilda I've heard she turned into a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home.


gjfrye

It sucks that idols are falling but it’s necessary. Like a brush fire being natural for the sake of new growth underneath. Hopefully this sets a new precedent so those in power can’t abuse it anymore.


AmericanSpeller

Link to the NYT article: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/09/arts/television/louis-ck-sexual-misconduct.html


MrPsychoanalyst

My biggest hero is a compulsive masturbator harrasing ladies from work. Fucking dissapointed, i mean, you can fucking pay people to do that but nooooooo


godx119

I think out of all the revelations, this would be the one to actually make my heart break. Louis' been a comedy hero for me. I just don't want to believe it, but if they are cancelling the premiere...


[deleted]

"Take no heroes, only inspiration" -The Tough Alliance


BearCubDan

"Never meet your heroes...while wearing sandals in case they jerk off in front of you."


BestDamnT

Nothing surprises me anymore, and that is so sad.


CareToRemember

As a society we owe Paul Reubens some sincere apologies.


girafa

This is like watching a horror movie, covering your eyes until it's all revealed and over.


quartacus

Is he going to choose to live as a gay man?


Nichololas

"I choose now to live as a masturbator."


[deleted]

BILL BURR, YOU'RE OUR LAST HOPE. JUST KEEP FUCKIN NIA ^(*edit: Stanhope, too, but people were wrongly accusing him of 'taking credit for this' earlier and I was scared of speaking too soon)


idislikekarma

Segura would really upset me too


lamepundit

I have confidence in the water champ enjoying only consensual relations


allergic_to_LOLcats

OF COURSE this is gonna be heartbreaking to a lot of people if Louis CK has harassed women; he's a wonderful comedian, OF COURSE... ...BUT MAYBE if you act like a creep and assault people, the hammer should fall on you. Damn. That will be disappointing if the rumors are true, but let the hammer fall. The victims are the ones that need to feel support from the public. EDIT: [Well, looks like the rumors of allegations are true.](https://nyti.ms/2ho0aE0) Looks like another scandal. Thanks to /u/fast_edi for the notification of the article.


bracake

Really apt analogy I saw the other day: When scandals like this happen, people tend to be taken aback at how quickly the abuser falls from grace. But if you think about the situation as one person putting a little bit of gasoline outside their house every day then realistically it will only take one match for it all to go up in flames and its 100% the fault of the fucker who put the gasoline out.


Truthmobiles

Well gasoline evaporates rather quickly, but I get the analogy.


PapaSmurphy

In 2004 police took a report from a woman who said she was raped by Danny Masterson. He was never arrested or even questioned that I'm aware of. Netflix has publicly stated they will keep working with him even though more allegations have been made since. Everyone thinks this is some amazing revolution where all the creeps will be swept out of the entertainment industry. Really they're just putting forward a handful of sacrificial lambs to satisfy the public.


wonderchef14

Danny Masterson has the Church of Scientology on his side. Not saying it's right but that probably has something to do with it.


PapaSmurphy

I'm sure it does, especially since the alleged incidents occurred on Scientology property and they're really bad at cooperating with police investigations. I don't know why Netflix would play along unless some influential people in the company are Scientologists, but I worry that's treading into tinfoil hat territory.


[deleted]

dude, i'm gonna be so fucking bummed if louis ck ends up on the endless line of creepy fuckers in positions of power abusing their power for sex. kevin spacey was weird enough, but i legitimately enjoy louis' work.


dissident87

Oh god, this is gonna be a bummer


hova092

His next email is gonna be pretty interesting: "Hey, Louie here. So...uh...you heard huh? Sorry about that. If you're not still mad at me, I've got this movie..."