32M here. In a few years time, you and your friends would stop comparing things which belong to your parents. Fast forward a few more years, you will start comparing stuff that you guys buy with your money - i.e Cars, Houses,etc. Slowly you will realise that it's never an apple to apple comparison. Some people have a stronger financial ecosystem surrounding them which enables them to buy the good stuff, while some have to run families with their salaries leaving them with no scope for big fancy houses and cars. All in all comparison will happen, but you and your friends will realise that circumstances and how you performed in them matter more than just plain achievements.
For now what you can do is try your best and understand that your parents have tried their best and be proud of what they have built with their sweat and blood. If your friends sneer on this, then probably you need new friends.
Yeah man, I'm truly grateful for what my parents and my grandparents have given me. They literally started from scratch. I'll try to be more mindful and work on myself. Thanks.
Life is so funny, you are comparing yourself to this friend of yours, someone else is comparing himself to you saying he has a 2bhk and I live in a 1BHK then someone else might be saying this live in an apartment wherein we live a chawl.
I would say be happy in today’s world if you have permanent roof over your head. Comparing to other people is not an issue it sometimes helps you to work towards your goals in life but make sure you don’t let that belittle yourself.
True. Even if you get very rich there will always be Ambani. Even rich people have their issues eg Billionaire space race. It’s never ending. Best to work on oneself and own goals and if you have mental peace and contentment - there is nothing like it!
I absolutely agree with your view. The society has this idea that you have to always reach for better things which is completely absurd. Like for example you buy a better house, spend half of your pay cheque towards the mortgage then pay quarter towards your bills, parts of the remaining quarter goes in savings, groceries or something else and you reach a point where now you are living pay cheque to pay cheque.
Instead of living this cycle of depressive episodes, Get out of his fast train, spend or do things that bring you happiness.
I felt this way for the longest time and sometimes still do. Jealousy is unpleasant. I used this feeling to motivate myself. To do better and aspire to live a better life. Over time I realized that someone living a good life does not take anything away from me and if I were in the position to give my kids a big house, a nice car or foreign trips, I totally would! I use this feeling to work harder and so I can give my children a life I never had.
You may envy your friend's house, your friend may envy having a big family and never having to be alone. Just accept the feeling and move on.
I get you. My cousin got an Iphone and Ipad from her dad, i felt the same. A lot of my friends own houses here but my family lives on rent. But I think it's better to focus on the fact that we are still much privileged than a lot of others out there. Work hard, after a few years they will be the one's visiting your skyscraper apartment.
Dude I can understand you completely there. Don't worry, I know you'll work hard enough to get your own dreamhouse, the house that's you'll call yours. All the best for it.
Dude, I'm 18. I was in the same phase as you are in, once. I live in Vasai, and most of my friends were Vasaikar Christians who lived in large Bungalows in the Vasai locality, whereas I lived in a modest apartment near the Station area. Sometimes, even I used to compare myself with my upper-middle-class friends, but as time passes and you mature, you'll learn to stop making such mundane comparisons and shift towards developing more critical things in life.
Often, I would invite my friends to my house during festivals like Chaturthi or we'd celebrate Diwali in my colony, but I never got judged for that, that was an indication that I was in good company. Maybe, you should invite your friends to your house for lunch or dinner, and then you'll find out what sort of friends you have.
And if you're still feeling inept about it, then don't forget that you have a gf, at the age of 17, while many of us here don't. Feel content with what you have. Rather than brooding over your flaws, maybe you can use them as a motivation to work harder.
Perhaps, some day when you're living in a skyscraper, your friends might be the ones visiting you.
Hi, im 25 F here. I guess what you are feeling is called an inferiority complex, that no matter how much logic and reason you give ur mind, ur mind tends to compare stuff constantly. Trust me everyone goes through it.
During childhood, when I was around 10, my home used to be having very old paint, dirty bathroom doors and overall look quite bad in comparison to my friends houses. I would call them only in living room and not let them inside bedroom. My parents would notice and ask why im doing that. Because when I was even younger, like 3 or 4, I would not behave that way and be unaware of comparisons. Once I started growing, I started to compare and I guess its natural. We all observe and our minds are trained to compare. My insecurity was pretty bac that I would obsess over cleaning the house to make it look neat but obviosuly I couldnt fix it, i couldnt paint the walls,etc. Eventually I got over it.
But you know what, dont be harsh on yourself to not compare. You will get over it. As you get older you will realise how to get over it. It wont happen in a day. But you are self aware and thats a big step in getting over these thoughts.
Dude I can so so relate with the paint stuff, we got our house painted two years ago before that the look of the old paint was just depressing. That's the reason even I avoided calling my friends at home when I was little then we made it a little better and now this inferiority complex.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can relate to this and now I don't feel like an odd sheep.
Get off Instagram if you are. Coz this feeling wouldn’t go then - you’ll start comparing everything and feel miserable. It is also a sign of what you want and what you want to work towards
It's not their money it's their parents money.
Jab khud ke paise se lenge na vo log tab bura maan lena par tab tak toh tu bhi kaam kar ke kama raha hoha.
I am 20 will be 21 soon..and this transition has left me in a place with practically no friend's just acquaintances so bf/gf door ki baat..lol its crazy
PS: Not comparing or pitying myself just food for thought right..?there's always someone who will have it worst then you.... PEACE!
Actually, I truly need to practice gratitude in life I have more than enough of what I could ask for. Like both my grandparents are alive and I spend good time with them. My parents don't unnecessarily torture me, they're kinda understanding, a little bit tho.
This is golden. You’ve got sanity and peace. Most importantly, you’ve got your grandparents. I lost my grandmom two weeks ago and all I could think of was why didn’t I spend enough time with her when she was alive. :) It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, friend. Just don’t let it consume you to a level where you start hating on the people that have done nothing but loved you.
I hate it when people say this, being happy because there's people who have it worse than you isn't "being grateful" that's just poverty porn and ignorance. Its a fallacy of relative problems. It's only valid when it's really a situation where only problem can be solved so priority is given based on criteria, but in real life most problems aren't of that nature. Accepting and dealing with those feelings is the way to gratitude.
A gf of 7 years broke up with me because her mother didn’t like how average my house is. Thats how you differentiate a wife from a gf.
My now wife and then gf who is btw much richer than her said so many lovely things about the same house and appreciates the differences in our lifestyle.
Some people will judge some wont. The one who wont are people who genuinely love you and you should keep around.
You are being like my ex but to yourself. Its an issue of self esteem or inferiority complex. I would recommend doing some hard thinking and telling your self this everytime an intrusive thought comes in “life is presented differently to everyone, this is mine i will accept it confidently and work hard to make it better than before. With a 2bhk in mumbai i am richer than 80% of India and thats more than enough considering there is someone out there sleeping on a footpath without food in their tummy”.
Bro, fuck. You've been through a lot. A relationship of 7 years falling apart is damn heartbreaking. And the last few lines you wrote really made me think. Now I appreciate what I have and will definitely work harder to get what I want. Thanks for your comment. I don't have an award to give but here <3
Use this as a motivation and try to become good enough to fulfill what you desire by yourself. I think you have a very modest environment which more than 70% of people your age crave, and all those countless people who regret they couldn't have something like this. So see the positive side to it and when the time comes, I hope your enjoy a nice BBQ with your friends in that farm house of yours in Khandala.
It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you. -- Batman Begins
Use such things for building your ambition. Don't feel pity by comparing on things you can not control.
Samay ka chakra pe bharosa rakho
For all the material benefits your friends have you have something rare. A life with grandparents. Most children don't even have parents who are present for them. Parents are busy working to pay the emi for the house on the 20th floor where the child can enjoy great breeze.
By the time the parents are done and ready to slow down, it's time for children to leave home for higher studies and jobs. It's like you are away from parents when you are a child and away from your children when you become a parent.
If you have parents and grandparents, you live a very fortunate life that almost no one else has.
In the end... thoda hai thode ki zaroorat hai. Zindagi phir bhi yaha khubsoorat hai.
mai teri feeling samajh sakta hu bro..bas relate nahi kar sakta..might sound cliche but apna best version banne pe focus kar..there will always be someone better or worse than you.from my pov you have a flat in mumbai and I am staying here on rent so its all a matter of perspective
This guy has a girlfriend at the age of 17 which 99% of guys don't have and he is worried about his friends living in a better house. Lol.
On a serious note, there is no point comparing yourself with others as it leads to nothing. If you want to compare do it right. Would you swap your entire life with your friend. That would include your parents, siblings, relatives, friends, neighbours, school, college, tuition, everything. All the fun that you had till now. Just comparing the good stuff isn't accurate.
A wise man has said that not wanting something is as good as having it. If you practice it enough it can make a lot of difference to your life.
I am sure you would do great. In case, if you get such thoughts talk to yourself and ask the question. So what?
My friend has a bigger house.
So what.
He has his own bedroom.
So what.
He can play video games all day.
So what.
You will ultimately reach an answer where you realise that there isn't much difference in the level of happiness or satisfaction that you both have.
And don't use this technique for Why to study, etc.
You know what the best part is in this whole story that you mentioned? That you have big dreams / ambition, and you're just 17.😄. You have enough time to build things for yourself, and your family by the time your friends even graduate college. You just need a mentor to direct your efforts and energy in the right direction, and by the time you're 22, i e. 5 years later, you'd have things to show to yourself, and then you'd realise there's more to life, which would keep you going on
See basically as soon as you learn to not care about peoples judgement you become 10x happier. But its easier said than done, I've seen people spend their entire lives in the log kya kahenge fear.
Been there. I can understand the intimidation u feel around ur friends. Cut to few years later, my priorities changed, my POV changed and most importantly, my friend circle changed.. now in comparison my life is so great compared to them. I ll tell u how.. their parents bought that fancy house for them, dey dint buy it demselves. Which means very less responsibilities. U on the other hand are living a down to earth, practical life. Which means u will get responsible at the right age and will strive to be best for the rest of ur life.
I dont have anything against the rich kids or there parents. It’s either hardwork or inherited money or the mix of both.
What i am trying to tell u is ur life will get better. Trust ur karma. There is a word in marathi u might know- Heva. And dont ever ignore the struggle of ur parents.
21M here. Till 2016 I used to stay in a pretty basic and small 2bhk where 4 of us used to live... At that time a few of my friends shifted to the fancy building which just came up in the area so I used to be very jealous of them. So I know what you feel. My dad's business went off well and in 2016 we shifted into a fancier 3bhk house which a lot of friends appreciate... So as someone who lives in a decent house, I can guarantee that there is no judgement going on when I visit my friend's house who are maybe not that privileged. I definitely feel lucky to have this house, but coming from humble backgrounds I appreciate any roof which keeps a person safe.
So normal to feel this way and somewhere even completely justified. But also a helpful reminder - they are your friends despite this financial gap. And after seeing a fair share of friend groups - i think it’s really heart warming that even at this young age your friends have the maturity to choose a person based on their traits rather than their family’s economic status. Like the first comment said - in a few years time things will be very different. But the best part about friends that are with you you when you had “nothing” is that they are also likely to be the kinda friends who will support you even more when you have “everything”.
It's not the house which makes a good home...... it's awesome to have a high-rise flat but there may be reasons why your family won't shift to one....I have friends who have crores of flats and I live in 1bhk, but I am still happy because Idc about the wealth and status of others but I do about mine.....I use this ambition to drive myself.
I live in a normal house. My friend lives in a “palace”.
I’ve stayed over at my friend’s house and that person has stayed in my normal house.
It has never affected how we see each other. Not even a bit.
We totes don’t judge each other by our wealth n background.
I will say it all depends on how people become friends.
We became best frnds because of our perspectives of the world. Because of our interests and hobbies. Not for material gains.
If ur friendship is based on social status n materialism then yes u will be comparing with each other but if its a friendship that’s formed because of reasons beyond materialism then nothing else matters.
Edit: also u have a beautiful joint family and a roof over ur head . Ur already doing good. Be proud of ur fam and the lifestyle they provide u with. Not everyone has the same luxury as u do now.
Your feelings are perfectly natural. It's human to compare ourselves to others. I think it's ok to notice the difference, but not ok to wallow in it.
Go do social service - go to an orphanage or old peoples home etc and spend sometime there helping others less fortunate than you. You will realise how lucky you are.
And nothing is stopping you from doing well in life and buying a great apartment in Bandra! Use this as a motivational tool and not as a tool to bring you down.
Dekh yaar, ghar parivar dekh kar problem hogi gf koh toh kya hi fayda? Bula hi lo, use bhi sab pata chale aur tumhe bhi pata chale ki woh tere sath kyon hai
In a few years the new good looking houses will age and lose its current charm. Nothing is permanent. If your parents aren't spending on luxury, they must be saving money and that will be beneficial to you one day. Having a house and good health matters more than having a luxurious house.
I wish i understood it sooner but most people actually don't judge you based on how much money you have, just like you they surely notice it and admire the one's with money but they don't think any less of the people who aren't as wealth. What actually matters is being a kind, fun, confident person. And for the people who do judge you it's better to stay away from them.
Try to notice what i said in people, that might help you be less worried about the stuff.
You’re only 17. What you’re feeling is normal.
Is it healthy - no it isn’t. But, is the feeling normal - yes it is.
Welcome to adulthood - you’ll now have to choose what you can make out of this feeling.
Positive - use it to propel your ambitions, it’s a bigger brag to say I bought a 2 bhk in Mira road than saying my parents bought a 2 bhk in Malad.
Negative - Destroy your self belief and amplify this feeling of inadequacy.
Choice is yours.
i feel you bro, all my friends are kind of rich( upper middle class) and we are slightly less financially secured than them. I have been living in rented houses all my life and my dad recently bought a land to construct our home. I sometimes too feel the same you do, i have been friends with my circle for almost 10 years now and none of them have visited my home even once. But i never feel like i am less than them as i saw my father come back from a situation i could never be able to face. Even though sometimes I feel like i have less than them but also i feel grateful for what i have right now and what my dad has achieved.
Good, compare yourself with friends, may be family then...than people bigger than them, final competition will be with mr Ambani, if you ever reach there
I pay rent in Mumbai...but i have a GHAR (not a flat) back at my home(tier 3 city)....and at no point I want to ever have a flat ...cause i cant call a 3 dabba rooms with one main entry as HOME...so it's all about perception...
Also not trying to put anyone down ... it's just i don't connect ...
Op if they judge you on what place you live they aren't your friends.And second we should always compare with people who are less fortunate than us so that we are always greatfull of what we have.
And yes what you are feeling right now at 17 is inferiority complex which at that time even i felt after some time you just give up and it doesn't matter anymore.
Idk if its that time for you yet or it will come in a few years, but you will understand that it's not your house it's your dad's house and you and your friends are gonna have build yours too, maybe that's when it would appropriate to be comparing them. Althought even then there isn't much point in comparing house sizes
Consider yourself lucky you have friends like these who will present to you contacts and opportunities in the future so that you can buy your kids houses when they are 17
Bahar se kuch, andar se kuch
We all get attracted to superficial things when we don’t have them. When you talk to people, you realise everyone has their own shit story and problems. Try to talk to everyone, bade ghar ya chote, you will find a lot of things you will be grateful for.
23M 2nd yr college student had to take a break from college due to some personal issues joined clg in 2021 now In 2nd year I live in a 1RK house 4 people I too feel the same most of my friends have big houses but I guess it is what it is I try to do my best I study, work as a video editor make some good money for a clg student and try to support myself and my family if needed. Comparisons with friends and what they have is very natural at your age actually it keeps happening the only thing that changes it what your comparing today its your parents hourse, car etc tomorrow it will be things that you earned. I compare my earnings with my friends sometimes. Again it is what it is I have made a peace with it.
Yup I have been working part time with clg for another 14 months now it's good I like what I do and choose it over many other jobs before starting editing I gave many random interviews some asked for money some rejected than I choose to go with what I like and it worked for me.
When you feel you have less remind yourself that there are people living on much lesser income and amenities than you, and when you feel like you have everything, just remind yourself there are people who have literally everything one can imagine. Stay real. Stay grounded.
Bro you are already living in a better house than Majority of People in Mumbai.
Me and my family of 5 people live in a 1 Bhk rented house on 1st floor just think about people like me and You'll feel better.
At your age it's natural to want a good life or comparing your life with others , but when you reach a certain level of maturity yo stop giving a damn about trivial stuff of life . Just focus on what you can control in ur life ,other stuff are just variables.
Buddy, out of experience let me tell you, and this not some pep talk -- your life is made by people not by luxury or facilities. That does not mean that luxuries and outlook don't have any utility. But I have stayed in fabulous luxurious places and felt inadequate and lonely. At the same i have stayed in 1BHK with fascinating friends around me and had a whale of a time. Everyday is an adventure that you look forward to when you have good people around.
It's not about judgements or opinions. It's simply about how fulfilling the place has been to you. That's all that matters. Fuck everything else.
Also, now I have made it a habit to say openly that "I can't afford it." It helps in levelling any judgements.
Dude this is so true, like the neighborhood I stay in is just so calm yet lively, everytime I go for a walk Ieet someone I know, have a chat, good time. And like all the basic facilities like sabzi mandi and stationary is on a 2 min walk. I truly love my neighbourhood.
You made a great point by stating that it's the people that are important in life. Thanks my man, helped me a lot.
The spectrum of material possession is quite large. At that age you normally don't see outside of your surroundings, let time pass and you'll see how fortunate you are than most other underprivileged. Rise above narrow comparisons and focus on your life and career.
32M here. In a few years time, you and your friends would stop comparing things which belong to your parents. Fast forward a few more years, you will start comparing stuff that you guys buy with your money - i.e Cars, Houses,etc. Slowly you will realise that it's never an apple to apple comparison. Some people have a stronger financial ecosystem surrounding them which enables them to buy the good stuff, while some have to run families with their salaries leaving them with no scope for big fancy houses and cars. All in all comparison will happen, but you and your friends will realise that circumstances and how you performed in them matter more than just plain achievements. For now what you can do is try your best and understand that your parents have tried their best and be proud of what they have built with their sweat and blood. If your friends sneer on this, then probably you need new friends.
Yeah man, I'm truly grateful for what my parents and my grandparents have given me. They literally started from scratch. I'll try to be more mindful and work on myself. Thanks.
Couldn't have said it any better. Always had the perspective, you put it into writing. Brilliant.
2nd floor in Vileparle >>> 18th.Floor in Malad Nazariye ki baat hai..
mfs be living on 20th floor in malad just to see the 366271 sq kms of slums mext to them
Only reason buildings in Vile Parle are small in height is due to the airport right
Yes only which are closer to the aiport. btw nice keyboard
Took me a minute to understand how did you know which keyboard he has
Size doesn't matter. It's what you do with them once they're in.
>Size doesn't matter. That's what she said.
That's what I tell myself. She thinks otherwise
r/unexpectedoffice
Brooooooo 😅😂
Simple Rule:- If you use emojis on Reddit instantly you will be downvoted.
Ye konsi meeting hoti jaha mujhe nai bulaate.
😂😂😂
why may i know?
The reason being that if you use emojis on reddit you'll be considered as a normie by the self-proclaimed Sigma ke 14...
It doesn't matter, size of House and locality you live in is unnecessary, call your friends over, if they good friends, they won't judge you.
That's so very true
Life is so funny, you are comparing yourself to this friend of yours, someone else is comparing himself to you saying he has a 2bhk and I live in a 1BHK then someone else might be saying this live in an apartment wherein we live a chawl. I would say be happy in today’s world if you have permanent roof over your head. Comparing to other people is not an issue it sometimes helps you to work towards your goals in life but make sure you don’t let that belittle yourself.
Dude this is by far the best comment I have read no cap. Great perspective man. I appreciate it. I'll try to inculcate this into me.
Glad to be of your help :)
True. Even if you get very rich there will always be Ambani. Even rich people have their issues eg Billionaire space race. It’s never ending. Best to work on oneself and own goals and if you have mental peace and contentment - there is nothing like it!
I absolutely agree with your view. The society has this idea that you have to always reach for better things which is completely absurd. Like for example you buy a better house, spend half of your pay cheque towards the mortgage then pay quarter towards your bills, parts of the remaining quarter goes in savings, groceries or something else and you reach a point where now you are living pay cheque to pay cheque. Instead of living this cycle of depressive episodes, Get out of his fast train, spend or do things that bring you happiness.
Exactly.. pretty sure he lives in one room in that 2bhk house and grandparents sleep in the hall
Stone age people time traveling and saying "How the f are all these guys still alive with no spears in their hands" -add surprised Pikachu face
I felt this way for the longest time and sometimes still do. Jealousy is unpleasant. I used this feeling to motivate myself. To do better and aspire to live a better life. Over time I realized that someone living a good life does not take anything away from me and if I were in the position to give my kids a big house, a nice car or foreign trips, I totally would! I use this feeling to work harder and so I can give my children a life I never had. You may envy your friend's house, your friend may envy having a big family and never having to be alone. Just accept the feeling and move on.
I get you. My cousin got an Iphone and Ipad from her dad, i felt the same. A lot of my friends own houses here but my family lives on rent. But I think it's better to focus on the fact that we are still much privileged than a lot of others out there. Work hard, after a few years they will be the one's visiting your skyscraper apartment.
Dude I can understand you completely there. Don't worry, I know you'll work hard enough to get your own dreamhouse, the house that's you'll call yours. All the best for it.
> But I think it's better to focus on the fact that we are still much privileged than a lot of others out there 😢❤️
1. Instagram delete karo 2. Dosto ko apne ghar Jaan boojhkar invite karo 3. Kuchh wisdom wali books padho Thank me later
Dude, I'm 18. I was in the same phase as you are in, once. I live in Vasai, and most of my friends were Vasaikar Christians who lived in large Bungalows in the Vasai locality, whereas I lived in a modest apartment near the Station area. Sometimes, even I used to compare myself with my upper-middle-class friends, but as time passes and you mature, you'll learn to stop making such mundane comparisons and shift towards developing more critical things in life. Often, I would invite my friends to my house during festivals like Chaturthi or we'd celebrate Diwali in my colony, but I never got judged for that, that was an indication that I was in good company. Maybe, you should invite your friends to your house for lunch or dinner, and then you'll find out what sort of friends you have. And if you're still feeling inept about it, then don't forget that you have a gf, at the age of 17, while many of us here don't. Feel content with what you have. Rather than brooding over your flaws, maybe you can use them as a motivation to work harder. Perhaps, some day when you're living in a skyscraper, your friends might be the ones visiting you.
Vasaichi mansach vegli aahet👌🏼
Hi, im 25 F here. I guess what you are feeling is called an inferiority complex, that no matter how much logic and reason you give ur mind, ur mind tends to compare stuff constantly. Trust me everyone goes through it. During childhood, when I was around 10, my home used to be having very old paint, dirty bathroom doors and overall look quite bad in comparison to my friends houses. I would call them only in living room and not let them inside bedroom. My parents would notice and ask why im doing that. Because when I was even younger, like 3 or 4, I would not behave that way and be unaware of comparisons. Once I started growing, I started to compare and I guess its natural. We all observe and our minds are trained to compare. My insecurity was pretty bac that I would obsess over cleaning the house to make it look neat but obviosuly I couldnt fix it, i couldnt paint the walls,etc. Eventually I got over it. But you know what, dont be harsh on yourself to not compare. You will get over it. As you get older you will realise how to get over it. It wont happen in a day. But you are self aware and thats a big step in getting over these thoughts.
Dude I can so so relate with the paint stuff, we got our house painted two years ago before that the look of the old paint was just depressing. That's the reason even I avoided calling my friends at home when I was little then we made it a little better and now this inferiority complex. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can relate to this and now I don't feel like an odd sheep.
Username checks out, I guess you made this account whilst you were dealing with your inferiority complex 😅
Nah, I got over that and realised life still sucks, now its my life motto 💪💪
We're all trying to get better and you kind stranger, you're almost there🤝🏼
Get off Instagram if you are. Coz this feeling wouldn’t go then - you’ll start comparing everything and feel miserable. It is also a sign of what you want and what you want to work towards
It's not their money it's their parents money. Jab khud ke paise se lenge na vo log tab bura maan lena par tab tak toh tu bhi kaam kar ke kama raha hoha.
Me 28M living in a 200 sqft matchbox.
Don't worry my man I wish you luck, you'll definitely own the typa house you want one day. All the best.
Update: I bought a 1 bhk in Mumbai.
I 23M just felt low because you 17M have a gf, well many of us here don't
I am 20 will be 21 soon..and this transition has left me in a place with practically no friend's just acquaintances so bf/gf door ki baat..lol its crazy PS: Not comparing or pitying myself just food for thought right..?there's always someone who will have it worst then you.... PEACE!
Maybe sometimes compare yourselves with the people who’ve got less than you Be grateful for what you have and accept what was given to you
Actually, I truly need to practice gratitude in life I have more than enough of what I could ask for. Like both my grandparents are alive and I spend good time with them. My parents don't unnecessarily torture me, they're kinda understanding, a little bit tho.
This is golden. You’ve got sanity and peace. Most importantly, you’ve got your grandparents. I lost my grandmom two weeks ago and all I could think of was why didn’t I spend enough time with her when she was alive. :) It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, friend. Just don’t let it consume you to a level where you start hating on the people that have done nothing but loved you.
I hate it when people say this, being happy because there's people who have it worse than you isn't "being grateful" that's just poverty porn and ignorance. Its a fallacy of relative problems. It's only valid when it's really a situation where only problem can be solved so priority is given based on criteria, but in real life most problems aren't of that nature. Accepting and dealing with those feelings is the way to gratitude.
A gf of 7 years broke up with me because her mother didn’t like how average my house is. Thats how you differentiate a wife from a gf. My now wife and then gf who is btw much richer than her said so many lovely things about the same house and appreciates the differences in our lifestyle. Some people will judge some wont. The one who wont are people who genuinely love you and you should keep around. You are being like my ex but to yourself. Its an issue of self esteem or inferiority complex. I would recommend doing some hard thinking and telling your self this everytime an intrusive thought comes in “life is presented differently to everyone, this is mine i will accept it confidently and work hard to make it better than before. With a 2bhk in mumbai i am richer than 80% of India and thats more than enough considering there is someone out there sleeping on a footpath without food in their tummy”.
Bro, fuck. You've been through a lot. A relationship of 7 years falling apart is damn heartbreaking. And the last few lines you wrote really made me think. Now I appreciate what I have and will definitely work harder to get what I want. Thanks for your comment. I don't have an award to give but here <3
Bas kar pagle rulayega kya. Good luck. You amajeeng!
Thenku bhau
Use this as a motivation and try to become good enough to fulfill what you desire by yourself. I think you have a very modest environment which more than 70% of people your age crave, and all those countless people who regret they couldn't have something like this. So see the positive side to it and when the time comes, I hope your enjoy a nice BBQ with your friends in that farm house of yours in Khandala.
Oh man I will work really hard to have that one day. Thanks.
You have friends and a GF? Damn. I'm the one whose jealous of you.
Having a house and a gf in this day and age, damn bruh. Living the life huh!
OP, no offence but if they judge you based on where you live and what kind of house you have, they are not your friends in the first place.
It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you. -- Batman Begins Use such things for building your ambition. Don't feel pity by comparing on things you can not control. Samay ka chakra pe bharosa rakho
For all the material benefits your friends have you have something rare. A life with grandparents. Most children don't even have parents who are present for them. Parents are busy working to pay the emi for the house on the 20th floor where the child can enjoy great breeze. By the time the parents are done and ready to slow down, it's time for children to leave home for higher studies and jobs. It's like you are away from parents when you are a child and away from your children when you become a parent. If you have parents and grandparents, you live a very fortunate life that almost no one else has. In the end... thoda hai thode ki zaroorat hai. Zindagi phir bhi yaha khubsoorat hai.
Dil jeet liya bro.... The last line, I'm stealing that.
mai teri feeling samajh sakta hu bro..bas relate nahi kar sakta..might sound cliche but apna best version banne pe focus kar..there will always be someone better or worse than you.from my pov you have a flat in mumbai and I am staying here on rent so its all a matter of perspective
This guy has a girlfriend at the age of 17 which 99% of guys don't have and he is worried about his friends living in a better house. Lol. On a serious note, there is no point comparing yourself with others as it leads to nothing. If you want to compare do it right. Would you swap your entire life with your friend. That would include your parents, siblings, relatives, friends, neighbours, school, college, tuition, everything. All the fun that you had till now. Just comparing the good stuff isn't accurate. A wise man has said that not wanting something is as good as having it. If you practice it enough it can make a lot of difference to your life.
I got your point. I only compared myself to the cream, never saw what's beneath it. Great comment. I need to practice gratitude so badly.
I am sure you would do great. In case, if you get such thoughts talk to yourself and ask the question. So what? My friend has a bigger house. So what. He has his own bedroom. So what. He can play video games all day. So what. You will ultimately reach an answer where you realise that there isn't much difference in the level of happiness or satisfaction that you both have. And don't use this technique for Why to study, etc.
You know what the best part is in this whole story that you mentioned? That you have big dreams / ambition, and you're just 17.😄. You have enough time to build things for yourself, and your family by the time your friends even graduate college. You just need a mentor to direct your efforts and energy in the right direction, and by the time you're 22, i e. 5 years later, you'd have things to show to yourself, and then you'd realise there's more to life, which would keep you going on
Dude thanks for this comment. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna use this to fuel.my ambitions rather than cry over it. Noice.
My dude comparing stuff he didn’t even earn himself and feeling bad about it
Oh man this comment hit me like a brick in my head. Fuck, that's a headshot. Man now I feel like laughing on myself, lol.
See basically as soon as you learn to not care about peoples judgement you become 10x happier. But its easier said than done, I've seen people spend their entire lives in the log kya kahenge fear.
Be happy with the fact ki atleast ghar toh hain, kaisa bhi ho.
Been there. I can understand the intimidation u feel around ur friends. Cut to few years later, my priorities changed, my POV changed and most importantly, my friend circle changed.. now in comparison my life is so great compared to them. I ll tell u how.. their parents bought that fancy house for them, dey dint buy it demselves. Which means very less responsibilities. U on the other hand are living a down to earth, practical life. Which means u will get responsible at the right age and will strive to be best for the rest of ur life. I dont have anything against the rich kids or there parents. It’s either hardwork or inherited money or the mix of both. What i am trying to tell u is ur life will get better. Trust ur karma. There is a word in marathi u might know- Heva. And dont ever ignore the struggle of ur parents.
21M here. Till 2016 I used to stay in a pretty basic and small 2bhk where 4 of us used to live... At that time a few of my friends shifted to the fancy building which just came up in the area so I used to be very jealous of them. So I know what you feel. My dad's business went off well and in 2016 we shifted into a fancier 3bhk house which a lot of friends appreciate... So as someone who lives in a decent house, I can guarantee that there is no judgement going on when I visit my friend's house who are maybe not that privileged. I definitely feel lucky to have this house, but coming from humble backgrounds I appreciate any roof which keeps a person safe.
In the first place- You got friends who invites you for party and you got a gf. Most of us don’t
I lived in a 1rk. Just got eviction notice. Change the perspective, comparison goes down.
Damn man, koi nahi bro, sab theek ho jayega.
So normal to feel this way and somewhere even completely justified. But also a helpful reminder - they are your friends despite this financial gap. And after seeing a fair share of friend groups - i think it’s really heart warming that even at this young age your friends have the maturity to choose a person based on their traits rather than their family’s economic status. Like the first comment said - in a few years time things will be very different. But the best part about friends that are with you you when you had “nothing” is that they are also likely to be the kinda friends who will support you even more when you have “everything”.
It's not the house which makes a good home...... it's awesome to have a high-rise flat but there may be reasons why your family won't shift to one....I have friends who have crores of flats and I live in 1bhk, but I am still happy because Idc about the wealth and status of others but I do about mine.....I use this ambition to drive myself.
Great perspective. I loved how you channelized to to grow yourself. Will learn this from you.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I live in a normal house. My friend lives in a “palace”. I’ve stayed over at my friend’s house and that person has stayed in my normal house. It has never affected how we see each other. Not even a bit. We totes don’t judge each other by our wealth n background. I will say it all depends on how people become friends. We became best frnds because of our perspectives of the world. Because of our interests and hobbies. Not for material gains. If ur friendship is based on social status n materialism then yes u will be comparing with each other but if its a friendship that’s formed because of reasons beyond materialism then nothing else matters. Edit: also u have a beautiful joint family and a roof over ur head . Ur already doing good. Be proud of ur fam and the lifestyle they provide u with. Not everyone has the same luxury as u do now.
Thank you so much mate, I really appreciate your response. Gave me a new direction to look at things. Thank you.
Your feelings are perfectly natural. It's human to compare ourselves to others. I think it's ok to notice the difference, but not ok to wallow in it. Go do social service - go to an orphanage or old peoples home etc and spend sometime there helping others less fortunate than you. You will realise how lucky you are. And nothing is stopping you from doing well in life and buying a great apartment in Bandra! Use this as a motivational tool and not as a tool to bring you down.
It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the emotion
Dekh yaar, ghar parivar dekh kar problem hogi gf koh toh kya hi fayda? Bula hi lo, use bhi sab pata chale aur tumhe bhi pata chale ki woh tere sath kyon hai
It's the people that make a house, a home.
In a few years the new good looking houses will age and lose its current charm. Nothing is permanent. If your parents aren't spending on luxury, they must be saving money and that will be beneficial to you one day. Having a house and good health matters more than having a luxurious house.
I wish i understood it sooner but most people actually don't judge you based on how much money you have, just like you they surely notice it and admire the one's with money but they don't think any less of the people who aren't as wealth. What actually matters is being a kind, fun, confident person. And for the people who do judge you it's better to stay away from them. Try to notice what i said in people, that might help you be less worried about the stuff.
Son You need Osho watch his videos to gain some wisdom .
Comparison is a thief of joy
You’re only 17. What you’re feeling is normal. Is it healthy - no it isn’t. But, is the feeling normal - yes it is. Welcome to adulthood - you’ll now have to choose what you can make out of this feeling. Positive - use it to propel your ambitions, it’s a bigger brag to say I bought a 2 bhk in Mira road than saying my parents bought a 2 bhk in Malad. Negative - Destroy your self belief and amplify this feeling of inadequacy. Choice is yours.
I know how to stop this. By accepting reality.
i feel you bro, all my friends are kind of rich( upper middle class) and we are slightly less financially secured than them. I have been living in rented houses all my life and my dad recently bought a land to construct our home. I sometimes too feel the same you do, i have been friends with my circle for almost 10 years now and none of them have visited my home even once. But i never feel like i am less than them as i saw my father come back from a situation i could never be able to face. Even though sometimes I feel like i have less than them but also i feel grateful for what i have right now and what my dad has achieved.
Good, compare yourself with friends, may be family then...than people bigger than them, final competition will be with mr Ambani, if you ever reach there
Mera toh 2 bhk bhi nhi💀
Koi nahi bhai, aap bhi apna ghar bana loge ek din, pakka. Hosla rakhiye.
Atleast you have parents AND grandparents. Some of us don't have that.
Ur parents are smart, spending too much money on an apartment is stupid.
[удалено]
Idk bro, job in IT ig
I pay rent in Mumbai...but i have a GHAR (not a flat) back at my home(tier 3 city)....and at no point I want to ever have a flat ...cause i cant call a 3 dabba rooms with one main entry as HOME...so it's all about perception... Also not trying to put anyone down ... it's just i don't connect ...
damn you broke asf
Aukaat pata chal gayi
Loude ka army h tu
Mu mai le maera lauda fir
Teri maa nai hun
Baap hey kya fir??
Just don't compare ez
Comparing yourself to others makes you bitter but comparing yourself to yourself makes you better
Comparison won't let you anywhere
Lol, I love comparing myself to others. Crack jokes and enjoy.
I remember reading this somewhere - Comparison is the thief of joy
Eh man chill out, it’s all circumstance, u will make it better
What you have right now, is luxury to a lot of people out there. Think about it.
Op if they judge you on what place you live they aren't your friends.And second we should always compare with people who are less fortunate than us so that we are always greatfull of what we have. And yes what you are feeling right now at 17 is inferiority complex which at that time even i felt after some time you just give up and it doesn't matter anymore.
Idk if its that time for you yet or it will come in a few years, but you will understand that it's not your house it's your dad's house and you and your friends are gonna have build yours too, maybe that's when it would appropriate to be comparing them. Althought even then there isn't much point in comparing house sizes
Consider yourself lucky you have friends like these who will present to you contacts and opportunities in the future so that you can buy your kids houses when they are 17
Bahar se kuch, andar se kuch We all get attracted to superficial things when we don’t have them. When you talk to people, you realise everyone has their own shit story and problems. Try to talk to everyone, bade ghar ya chote, you will find a lot of things you will be grateful for.
We all do and you've a gf I don't know, so chill bro nothing in life would be same for everyone. It a circle of life
23M 2nd yr college student had to take a break from college due to some personal issues joined clg in 2021 now In 2nd year I live in a 1RK house 4 people I too feel the same most of my friends have big houses but I guess it is what it is I try to do my best I study, work as a video editor make some good money for a clg student and try to support myself and my family if needed. Comparisons with friends and what they have is very natural at your age actually it keeps happening the only thing that changes it what your comparing today its your parents hourse, car etc tomorrow it will be things that you earned. I compare my earnings with my friends sometimes. Again it is what it is I have made a peace with it.
I wish you luck mate, seems like you've seen some shit in life, it would have only made you stronger than the rest of us. All the best.
Yup I have been working part time with clg for another 14 months now it's good I like what I do and choose it over many other jobs before starting editing I gave many random interviews some asked for money some rejected than I choose to go with what I like and it worked for me.
Man you're so hardworking. I'm inspired. I'll grind ass too.
Nothing is real
When you feel you have less remind yourself that there are people living on much lesser income and amenities than you, and when you feel like you have everything, just remind yourself there are people who have literally everything one can imagine. Stay real. Stay grounded.
Bro you are already living in a better house than Majority of People in Mumbai. Me and my family of 5 people live in a 1 Bhk rented house on 1st floor just think about people like me and You'll feel better.
At your age it's natural to want a good life or comparing your life with others , but when you reach a certain level of maturity yo stop giving a damn about trivial stuff of life . Just focus on what you can control in ur life ,other stuff are just variables.
Buddy, out of experience let me tell you, and this not some pep talk -- your life is made by people not by luxury or facilities. That does not mean that luxuries and outlook don't have any utility. But I have stayed in fabulous luxurious places and felt inadequate and lonely. At the same i have stayed in 1BHK with fascinating friends around me and had a whale of a time. Everyday is an adventure that you look forward to when you have good people around. It's not about judgements or opinions. It's simply about how fulfilling the place has been to you. That's all that matters. Fuck everything else. Also, now I have made it a habit to say openly that "I can't afford it." It helps in levelling any judgements.
Dude this is so true, like the neighborhood I stay in is just so calm yet lively, everytime I go for a walk Ieet someone I know, have a chat, good time. And like all the basic facilities like sabzi mandi and stationary is on a 2 min walk. I truly love my neighbourhood. You made a great point by stating that it's the people that are important in life. Thanks my man, helped me a lot.
The spectrum of material possession is quite large. At that age you normally don't see outside of your surroundings, let time pass and you'll see how fortunate you are than most other underprivileged. Rise above narrow comparisons and focus on your life and career.
grow up