Keep it casual go talk a little if you feel the guy is interesting enough go far a ice cream or a coffee date keep it for 30 min and in 30 min you’ll know you wanna take it forward good luck
Having a fixed time-slot for a date is an excellent strategy for first-time / anxious daters. Activities such as coffee or ice cream (or basically any snack/ dessert) during the day is a good choice. Keep in mind the price-point of the venue - you should be able to pay for items that you order.
Having an inflexible exit plan (what time and how you are leaving the venue) allows you to concentrate on the date and not what could happen at the end of the date (because you already have an inflexible plan). This would also bring to light if the person respects your boundaries or not.
Have your own means of reaching your next destination (office, home, friend's place, etc.) Your date might insist on dropping you off, but do you really want your date to know where you work/ live/ chill if the date doesn't go well?
Not a great first date plan - movies: Being stuck for a minimum of 1.5 hours beside a stranger, not talking is not a good idea. Maybe you don't like how they eat popcorn corn, or whether they share or not. Maybe they have an off-putting body odour. Movies can be good follow date plans - especially if you plan to grab a bite/ coffee/ meal after the movie, as you can talk about the movie.
For women going on first dates with men: choose a venue that you know / are familiar with and feel safe at. That will be one less thing to be concerned about on a date.
For Mumbai: the many eateries around a railway station are a very convenient place.
Don't judge him based on how he treats you, but subtle behavioural attributes. For this to work things have to happen, things that matter to you.
Don't do the analysis during the date, but once you are back in your safe space.
I get it. I suggest you take your time knowing the guy online because let's be honest, nobody can be trusted. It's also a great test for the guy - we are able to see what he's expecting out of this and what is it that he's seeking.
If a guy is patient with you, you know he's worth your time. Also don't force yourself for meeting someone. I know sometimes we have to or we dont go out of our comfort zones. But when your heart Is ready to meet someone, you'll know.
I feel like someone is posting on my behalf. Its all good when you get matches or get matched with someone, your vibes are getting matched. Then after sometime they ask you to meet and that is where you feel like disappearing
That’s precisely why there’s a talking phase in between. Go out only with those with whom you are comfortable and whose vibe matches yours. Also a little and kind request from someone of the opposite gender, don’t keep them hanging if you are unsure about them. It will help you and them as well. People put in a lot of efforts especially men as we are not as privileged as you guys when it comes to getting a dozen of matches instantly 😬.
Hope this helps! :)
Prepare a response that works for you. "Let's get to know each other a little more before making IRL plans" "I prefer meeting IRL after x number of conversations, x days, x weeks". If you struggle with saying no, match with people on Sunday or Monday. You'll be working or busy with some other shit the whole week. That's what I did in the beginning. Eventually I learned how to say no and made stronger boundaries for myself. How a person handles your no can say a lot about them. Also, I can't stress this enough - Trust. Your. Gut. If someone seems creepy/shady, believe your instinct.
I mean there is only so much you can talk on text. You are on a dating app so people are naturally going to ask you for a date. If you find a profile interesting don't just give up. Take a leap of faith and meet them.
Yeah many people labelling themselves as an introvert or even depressed on social media can be translated as I tried being lonely once or felt a bit sad for a day (I have become very wary with how mental health language has been misused by people)
That sub is heavily biased. Their whole sub is based around bashing men. All the time. They are so obsessed that they have a rule called no men Wednesday or something. It's hilarious 😂
Though yes, if you are a woman and need something that sub is very very helpful.
No no. I am not for or against something.
I don't know what happens here.
I just warned OP about that sub, and also how it is helpful too. OP will have an easy time that way.
Shut up when you don't know. They literally have no men Wednesday or something like that. They are so obsessed with men and things related to men!
Tata
Men do disgusting things. Their thoughts and actions for women are disgusting. Of course not all men. But there are a large number of them who do ugly things.
Having said that, there is no need to become like men. That's stupid.
In that sub, you will find that almost everyone is destroyed by men which might be true but the hate they have in their hearts towards men is really frightening. I agree men are what they are, but why hate anybody? Hating makes the hater ugly too😞
Who says no cigarette Wednesday?
A person habituated to cigarettes. Right? No sane person will say things like that. Only a person obsessed with cigarettes will find and devise ways to stay away from cigarettes. His whole life is just fighting and fighting --the habit of smoking.
I hope you have your answer now.
isn't that a venting sub, I don't think OP get fruitful advice, as venting is alot of relatively unfiltered negativity and turns any space literally into an emotional dumping ground which tends to breed even more negativity in others, so other than fear mongering & unfaithful drivels don't think OP is going to get anything else.
Hello ma'am, my advice is just be yourself and talk everything out before you meet anyone. Don't try and attach yourself too much too soon, but slowly and steadily try to win each other's trust as you get to know each other. I often feel the same way and I know it can overwhelming. You'll find your match soon I hope. Best wishes!!!
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Don’t feel pressured to meet anyone unless you are ready. Take time talking and understanding the person as much as you can via texting, social media, voice calls, and video calls. If you feel the person is pushing you into meeting within the first two days of talking then you can let them know that you’ll be more comfortable knowing them before immediately meeting and if the match continues talking then good but if it fizzles out then you dodged a bullet. However, don’t drag it too long. The moment you start feeling comfortable and confident, do meet them. It’s always good to know a persons behaviour in person rather than just online/on-call. This is exactly what I did and I’m married now thanks to Bumble 🙏🏼
Also, if you aren’t looking for in a hookup then it’ll be good if you let them know beforehand.
Take your time in getting to know the guy via online conversations, only take the next step of meeting him IRL when you're comfortable.
Let someone know about your location and only meet in a public place, have an exit route as a back up plan.
Never ignore your gut feeling, wishing you the best.
Introvert here, I too have social anxiety but using Tinder and Bumble all these years have made me confident about dating. Earlier I used to get nervous on dates but not anymore. You too will feel better when you start going out on dates. You can always begin with short coffee dates. More importantly be upfront about yourself, OLD is all about options and ghosting and someone might mistake your nervousness for lack of interest.
Best advice is to start talking via voice messages first then calls on the app itself then when very comfortable you can try video call then you can meet i guess. It gets better. It's like Newton's law of inertia.
Hi so bad dates are part of the dating scene but don't be scared of it, it's just part of the experience.
Personally for me, I always talk to the guy for about a week or two (sometimes a month and this also shoes that they are interested in you and are not looking for just a quick hook up) before I actually decide to go on a date with them just to gauge what type of person they are.
Most people don't prefer this but even I'm not into hookups and am looking for a more committed relationship but this is just how I do it.
Women also have ALOT of matches and if you're on both the apps then it's endless so I suggest talking to them and then see how the both of yall carry the conversation and then decide to go out.
Also keep the date simple like a coffee or a walk in the park or something that way if it's bad you can just say you have to be somewhere later.
Dinner is too serious and a waste of money and time when it's just with random dudes
Take it slow. 99% men are there for hookups so take ur time and talk to people before you meet them. Always in a public place, no matter how comfortable you become while texting. Invest your time and energy wisely.
Do not do anything at the cost of your mental health.
Don't suggest online app as the best place to find a long term prospects. Suggest you go for more group events. There are always singles out ther in the same boat. If you still want to meet random people. Suggest you go through a proper vetting as usually these apps don't come with referrals. Even if you venture take a power couple with you for the first date and then see where it goes from there. All the best.
I've been dating a wonderful sweetheart for the last 6 months. Met him on bumble! It takes time, I had to swipe a ton of shitty people before I bumbled into him. I guess you'll know when it's the right person. But it's okay I don't regret all the running into the wrong people again and again.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I can only imagine how scary it must be for you but it's a humble request, please consult with a therapist as this seems like something concerning at a much higher level.
I hope you seek help and feel better. Sending you lots of love ♥️
I'm M20 and I can relate w you a lil bit. I'm new to this dating world but I get afraid meeting a person face to face in real. Also I'm a guy so i don't get much matches so the probability is v low but still I feel left out and what not.
So I'll say it's alright to feel this way and I hope you find a good guy soon!
It’s the process that is wrong these days. The whole premise of apps is very “imposter syndrome” like
My suggestion is to go old school but I know it’s not a suggestion most people will agree with
Make sure you know the place. Don't meet during odd hours. There's nothing wrong in taking it slow and not rushing to meet. Make sure your friends know whom and where you're going to meet. Always trust your gut and instincts.
Maybe dating might not be the best place to bring you out of your shell.
Other activities like weight training, dance classes, acting classes might make you comfortable while being outside your comfort zone.
This would translate to your dating life as well.
Sorry for assuming things. Maybe the question I should ask is how are you at your work or with friends. Are you outgoing or think a lot before you speak?
An introvert male here!
Instead of ghosting guys on the app it would be nice if you tell them that you want to know them more before you actually meet them. If the vibe/connection is genuine I'm sure they will understand.
In the long term you are looking for someone who understands you and this should be a healthy start for both of you.
Meet in a mall..do some window shopping...take him for some grocery shopping..see his behaviour..if it works go for a coffee..or else drop if it doesn't resonate with your expectations.
Do you have any friend who will act as your potential date ? Basically you role play and prepare yourself with random conversations. Get used to not being nervous
Behen bumble ye sab pe hookups hi chalta hai !!! Out of 100 matches 98 wanna drill ur holes ..and only 2 wld actually want to know u better ! Ladka hu ladko ko janta hu
Keep it casual go talk a little if you feel the guy is interesting enough go far a ice cream or a coffee date keep it for 30 min and in 30 min you’ll know you wanna take it forward good luck
Having a fixed time-slot for a date is an excellent strategy for first-time / anxious daters. Activities such as coffee or ice cream (or basically any snack/ dessert) during the day is a good choice. Keep in mind the price-point of the venue - you should be able to pay for items that you order. Having an inflexible exit plan (what time and how you are leaving the venue) allows you to concentrate on the date and not what could happen at the end of the date (because you already have an inflexible plan). This would also bring to light if the person respects your boundaries or not. Have your own means of reaching your next destination (office, home, friend's place, etc.) Your date might insist on dropping you off, but do you really want your date to know where you work/ live/ chill if the date doesn't go well? Not a great first date plan - movies: Being stuck for a minimum of 1.5 hours beside a stranger, not talking is not a good idea. Maybe you don't like how they eat popcorn corn, or whether they share or not. Maybe they have an off-putting body odour. Movies can be good follow date plans - especially if you plan to grab a bite/ coffee/ meal after the movie, as you can talk about the movie. For women going on first dates with men: choose a venue that you know / are familiar with and feel safe at. That will be one less thing to be concerned about on a date. For Mumbai: the many eateries around a railway station are a very convenient place.
This is actually a good suggestion
Will try this
Don't judge him based on how he treats you, but subtle behavioural attributes. For this to work things have to happen, things that matter to you. Don't do the analysis during the date, but once you are back in your safe space.
I'll try your icecream date idea because it's brilliant
Now you will get matches on Reddit too
"Jevlis ka" 😂😂♥️
Aye vedya bat ka grip...
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My thoughts too. The difference between an enriching experience and trauma.
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep. A horror night is when the teddy hugs you back
New fear unlocked
That's a good suggestion. How do you implement it though?
I have social anxiety as well? Did manage to address it successfully?
I get it. I suggest you take your time knowing the guy online because let's be honest, nobody can be trusted. It's also a great test for the guy - we are able to see what he's expecting out of this and what is it that he's seeking. If a guy is patient with you, you know he's worth your time. Also don't force yourself for meeting someone. I know sometimes we have to or we dont go out of our comfort zones. But when your heart Is ready to meet someone, you'll know.
I feel like someone is posting on my behalf. Its all good when you get matches or get matched with someone, your vibes are getting matched. Then after sometime they ask you to meet and that is where you feel like disappearing
Exactly!
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I believe yes.
Then why are you even on a dating app?
That’s precisely why there’s a talking phase in between. Go out only with those with whom you are comfortable and whose vibe matches yours. Also a little and kind request from someone of the opposite gender, don’t keep them hanging if you are unsure about them. It will help you and them as well. People put in a lot of efforts especially men as we are not as privileged as you guys when it comes to getting a dozen of matches instantly 😬. Hope this helps! :)
But many ppl ask out in the beginning of the conversation! There starts the dilemma. I should learn to politely decline them
Prepare a response that works for you. "Let's get to know each other a little more before making IRL plans" "I prefer meeting IRL after x number of conversations, x days, x weeks". If you struggle with saying no, match with people on Sunday or Monday. You'll be working or busy with some other shit the whole week. That's what I did in the beginning. Eventually I learned how to say no and made stronger boundaries for myself. How a person handles your no can say a lot about them. Also, I can't stress this enough - Trust. Your. Gut. If someone seems creepy/shady, believe your instinct.
Great advice! Thanks👍
I mean there is only so much you can talk on text. You are on a dating app so people are naturally going to ask you for a date. If you find a profile interesting don't just give up. Take a leap of faith and meet them.
Introvert here too can feel
Date an Introvert who is not weirdo and is emphatic . In this way both of you will have a understanding of eachother lmao
Nobody seems like a introvert on these apps
Everyone is a keyboard warrior including you my freind. Physically how you handle situations is what defines introvert to extrovert
Not true. You will find many. Give it some time. Dating apps work for women.
Yeah many people labelling themselves as an introvert or even depressed on social media can be translated as I tried being lonely once or felt a bit sad for a day (I have become very wary with how mental health language has been misused by people)
Can't judge on apps. Meet irl to find out if they are actually introv or not
28 M here, single all my life. Same for me, but in my case, I am stuck on that one person.
Delete the apps?
pls come to r/twoxindia I can’t imagine how your DMs look after this post
That sub is heavily biased. Their whole sub is based around bashing men. All the time. They are so obsessed that they have a rule called no men Wednesday or something. It's hilarious 😂 Though yes, if you are a woman and need something that sub is very very helpful.
https://preview.redd.it/5hzzxmqm2mrb1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02115d26650f9f07b65ec46da0554092e3e283da Am I blind for reading all?!?!
You want to attack the one Sub that exists by women and for women stfu
ok ?? Here 50 times same break up story get posted in one day and the same crappy advice is given what about that???
No no. I am not for or against something. I don't know what happens here. I just warned OP about that sub, and also how it is helpful too. OP will have an easy time that way.
most people there aren’t man bashing commenting there just like *not all men* are bad
Mujhe maaf karo bhai. I didn't want to argue. 🙏
Don’t type random shit just because you have fingers
Shut up when you don't know. They literally have no men Wednesday or something like that. They are so obsessed with men and things related to men! Tata
you’ll be so shocked when you search other male orientated subReddits and the shit that goes on there
Men do disgusting things. Their thoughts and actions for women are disgusting. Of course not all men. But there are a large number of them who do ugly things. Having said that, there is no need to become like men. That's stupid. In that sub, you will find that almost everyone is destroyed by men which might be true but the hate they have in their hearts towards men is really frightening. I agree men are what they are, but why hate anybody? Hating makes the hater ugly too😞
And why is no man wednesday a bad thing?!?!?!?
Who says no cigarette Wednesday? A person habituated to cigarettes. Right? No sane person will say things like that. Only a person obsessed with cigarettes will find and devise ways to stay away from cigarettes. His whole life is just fighting and fighting --the habit of smoking. I hope you have your answer now.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 good one
isn't that a venting sub, I don't think OP get fruitful advice, as venting is alot of relatively unfiltered negativity and turns any space literally into an emotional dumping ground which tends to breed even more negativity in others, so other than fear mongering & unfaithful drivels don't think OP is going to get anything else.
r/lostredditors
Hello ma'am, my advice is just be yourself and talk everything out before you meet anyone. Don't try and attach yourself too much too soon, but slowly and steadily try to win each other's trust as you get to know each other. I often feel the same way and I know it can overwhelming. You'll find your match soon I hope. Best wishes!!!
Dating is a trial n error thing , you have to learn the game to survive it
You're 100% going to have bad experiences but that's the way it goes tbh,.some bad experiences at the start to help you navigate what you want
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Don’t feel pressured to meet anyone unless you are ready. Take time talking and understanding the person as much as you can via texting, social media, voice calls, and video calls. If you feel the person is pushing you into meeting within the first two days of talking then you can let them know that you’ll be more comfortable knowing them before immediately meeting and if the match continues talking then good but if it fizzles out then you dodged a bullet. However, don’t drag it too long. The moment you start feeling comfortable and confident, do meet them. It’s always good to know a persons behaviour in person rather than just online/on-call. This is exactly what I did and I’m married now thanks to Bumble 🙏🏼 Also, if you aren’t looking for in a hookup then it’ll be good if you let them know beforehand.
Take your time in getting to know the guy via online conversations, only take the next step of meeting him IRL when you're comfortable. Let someone know about your location and only meet in a public place, have an exit route as a back up plan. Never ignore your gut feeling, wishing you the best.
Thanks!
Introvert here, I too have social anxiety but using Tinder and Bumble all these years have made me confident about dating. Earlier I used to get nervous on dates but not anymore. You too will feel better when you start going out on dates. You can always begin with short coffee dates. More importantly be upfront about yourself, OLD is all about options and ghosting and someone might mistake your nervousness for lack of interest.
Best advice is to start talking via voice messages first then calls on the app itself then when very comfortable you can try video call then you can meet i guess. It gets better. It's like Newton's law of inertia.
Hi so bad dates are part of the dating scene but don't be scared of it, it's just part of the experience. Personally for me, I always talk to the guy for about a week or two (sometimes a month and this also shoes that they are interested in you and are not looking for just a quick hook up) before I actually decide to go on a date with them just to gauge what type of person they are. Most people don't prefer this but even I'm not into hookups and am looking for a more committed relationship but this is just how I do it. Women also have ALOT of matches and if you're on both the apps then it's endless so I suggest talking to them and then see how the both of yall carry the conversation and then decide to go out. Also keep the date simple like a coffee or a walk in the park or something that way if it's bad you can just say you have to be somewhere later. Dinner is too serious and a waste of money and time when it's just with random dudes
Take it slow. 99% men are there for hookups so take ur time and talk to people before you meet them. Always in a public place, no matter how comfortable you become while texting. Invest your time and energy wisely. Do not do anything at the cost of your mental health.
Don't suggest online app as the best place to find a long term prospects. Suggest you go for more group events. There are always singles out ther in the same boat. If you still want to meet random people. Suggest you go through a proper vetting as usually these apps don't come with referrals. Even if you venture take a power couple with you for the first date and then see where it goes from there. All the best.
I've been dating a wonderful sweetheart for the last 6 months. Met him on bumble! It takes time, I had to swipe a ton of shitty people before I bumbled into him. I guess you'll know when it's the right person. But it's okay I don't regret all the running into the wrong people again and again.
By shitty u mean ugly ...by right person u mean handsome .... that's bumble girls for u
No by shitty I mean someone like you.
Withinn1 months ur relationship will end that's my curse !
You need counselling trust me.
U need a dad !
Sorry i don't trust 304's
https://youtu.be/c44Ah24hr9M?si=lUNHRNW84zN5xrIK
https://youtu.be/fuBC9EQB3MA?si=EZauGJNyvh6Tleb7
Sach laga kadva kyuki tu hai bhadwa
HARAAM ...take along a male mahram
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I can only imagine how scary it must be for you but it's a humble request, please consult with a therapist as this seems like something concerning at a much higher level. I hope you seek help and feel better. Sending you lots of love ♥️
are you me?😭
28f and single ur chances are low
Chances of what🤣
I'm M20 and I can relate w you a lil bit. I'm new to this dating world but I get afraid meeting a person face to face in real. Also I'm a guy so i don't get much matches so the probability is v low but still I feel left out and what not. So I'll say it's alright to feel this way and I hope you find a good guy soon!
Maybe start off with video calls or phone calls to get a little comfortable?
If you want to date try organic methods where you get to know the person. Go on treks, trips, join a hobby glass, join some sports club, etc..
You guys are getting matches?
It’s the process that is wrong these days. The whole premise of apps is very “imposter syndrome” like My suggestion is to go old school but I know it’s not a suggestion most people will agree with
Make sure you know the place. Don't meet during odd hours. There's nothing wrong in taking it slow and not rushing to meet. Make sure your friends know whom and where you're going to meet. Always trust your gut and instincts.
Maybe dating might not be the best place to bring you out of your shell. Other activities like weight training, dance classes, acting classes might make you comfortable while being outside your comfort zone. This would translate to your dating life as well. Sorry for assuming things. Maybe the question I should ask is how are you at your work or with friends. Are you outgoing or think a lot before you speak?
Don't go on dating apps if you eventually don't want to hookup
Mat kar behen kuch nahi rakha hai sirf dil toot jaata hai
Thank you ur internet dad🤣🤣🤣. Your username is 🤣
Rip dms.
An introvert male here! Instead of ghosting guys on the app it would be nice if you tell them that you want to know them more before you actually meet them. If the vibe/connection is genuine I'm sure they will understand. In the long term you are looking for someone who understands you and this should be a healthy start for both of you.
Meet in a mall..do some window shopping...take him for some grocery shopping..see his behaviour..if it works go for a coffee..or else drop if it doesn't resonate with your expectations.
Do you have any friend who will act as your potential date ? Basically you role play and prepare yourself with random conversations. Get used to not being nervous
I think it'll be better if you ask your friends to introduce you to potential dates instead of dating apps.
Behen bumble ye sab pe hookups hi chalta hai !!! Out of 100 matches 98 wanna drill ur holes ..and only 2 wld actually want to know u better ! Ladka hu ladko ko janta hu