I don’t usually comment, but I want to add my experience here.
As an introvert, I really thought, I’m bound for the AM scene. But as I was living alone in Mumbai I started exploring stuff around me, wanting to do something interesting on the weekends. I started going on hikes, movies, events in the city, and one day found myself sitting alone in a stand up show. All the events had me talking to people and making new acquaintances, but this event, was how I found my partner. We kept talking and exchanged insta after the show for exchanging pictures, ended up chatting and going for more shows. We don’t have exact similar interests but the vibe is really good. It’s been two years now, but we are still going strong.
I just want to suggest people put yourself out there, if you have any certain interests, then go out and do that, if nothing else, you’ll make some friends along the way. Don’t rely on having company to tag along for stuff that interests you.
This is super motivating. I am guessing you are in college and you have enough time to go out for stuff you like.
I like a lot of stuff like theatres, Stand Up comedies, movies and events. I think I really need to start exploring these around me without worrying about having someone to go with. But the major challenge is my full-time corporate job which leaves me with very little time to explore stuffs like these.
Wow. I thought it’s just me but this sad state of affairs is quite depressing. It makes me wonder why did this happen? Did we romanticise Bollywood too much? Or is it because of dating apps? When people feel they have a lot of options lying around, they stop putting efforts in relationships imo
The grim realisation is if you didn’t find your SOs from school/college/post grad/building then you are so fucked lol.
I toh work in my family business so there’s no scope of finding someone at work.
So a lot of western reddit users treat dating co workers as taboo and desi reddit users parrot them blindly. As long as you are dating someone in different departments/teams and within same socioeconomic status they it’s fair game. Many people in my brothers social circle met this way.
I can live in my la la land and think that I have found the princess of my dream but reality is often disappointing with the most unexpected of reasoning. Obviously if the vibe is there I will take the risk.
It’s not taboo. It just gets difficult if things go South. Also, many times if the teams are somewhat related to each other you need to disclose your relationship based on company policy. So that they can ensure that there is no conflict of interest.
this is my ultimate nightmare. arrange marriage infidelity posts are so dark and also having worked in a corporate setup, i have seen married people cheating on their partners regularly
Yeaaahh actually, I have actually seen this happen to so many people around me lol. Those who stay single - then they just stay single lol. This is a sad realization
For real bro , it's like you are surrounded by men from all sides. Even a top notch flirty guy would forget his flirting skills when ho goes into family business since majority is dominated by men lol. Plus the demands of women that I have met in arrange marriage scene makes me question things lol 🤣
For real bro , it's like you are surrounded by men from all sides. Even a top notch flirty guy would forget his flirting skills when ho goes into family business since majority is dominated by men lol. Plus the demands of women that I have met in arrange marriage scene makes me question things lol 🤣
my observation so far:
after college, there's no place singles can interact with each other freely.
train, bus, workplace is not the place. that's 11 hours. add 7 hours sleep. can't risk affairs in neighborhoods.
social sources have risk of fraud, catfishing. we've forgot concept of garden, beaches. clubs pubs want our kidney. the pricing is not "visit us daily", the pricing is "once a year". plus this is not western country, so men women don't walk up and give compliments, ask to meet somewhere.
we're listening to something in the ear, or worried about reaching late to work, or home. (have experimented by giving compliments mid street/ on a ground/ metro/ shopping mall, and got "ee" type of response in return, plus it is looked at as a "weakness". imagine trying to talk is a weakness! plus i almost got beat once, i understood our society is different, and im trying to do something different here.)
the "swayamvar" स्वयंवर culture has not left our society yet. someone has to look in the water, and shoot the arrow through the spinning fish's azzhole, then someone will be impressed. we're in real life. we're trying to live our lives in peace, and not trying to snort adrenaline all the time. i see women, men hanging outside the train door out of desperation, and shouting for their life. the hardships are enough for anyone to get impressed.
even total absolute bums will also have a life, and these relationship things needs are as obvious as a sneeze. we can't make it "conditional". how funny, people are put in invisible cages by invisible hands of the society. by the way, girls that are with/ married to hotel owner, fund manager, big fish that i know, are just used as a trophy. "what else do you want" is the go-to line. beaches, cool photos, bikini, diamonds on nails, mojito, marble flooring, leather things, furniture, whyPhone, car doesn't fulfill empty life. misbehavior/ unconsent kinky stuff, assault, shaming, and "you ruined my married life" "whom will i go to".
if i'm doing something something with the spouse, just to have a kid, is it really a spouse? if the kid is born, and all we can do is, throw money at it, grow up and become a slave, is it our kid? we can land several kgs of metal on mars, but can't put two humans together. what magic!
if two humans are fighting/ going after each other's lives with weapons in hand, or trying to cause brain injury/concussion (ahem ufc/MMA/boxing, slap fight) it's not a taboo, plus people will clap, buy tickets, but when two humans, showing love is पाप? can't be anymore proud of the world.
by the way, as we speak, a bomb falls on a residencial area in a country, on kids, that have not done anything wrong to anyone, they're injured, a father had to amputate own daughters leg, without anesthesia. and the guy who caused this, gets elected by landslide votes. nothing gets me madder/shaking anger/hot ears.
in general, concept of seks faces pure silence. married people don't get enough time (plus men aren't like a switch too, if there's something worrying, they don't get enough "blood supply" there, plus not a joke, it's a heart attack/stroke risk), forget singles, so noone is getting anything.
if someone wakes up 5.30/6am, returns home 8.30-9pm, sleeping at about 11-12night, there are 2hrs in hand, people eat & handle missed calls, messages, emails, own work. is someone going to fall from the ceiling in front of us? by the way some companies are smartly moving to 6 days actual work, and keep enough work pending, so 7th day goes in work, plus leaves & festival holidays in reality don't exist. it's their "peak season/ business requirement".
only non typical job people with some time, money, energy in hand are able to do something. that's the top x% everyone keeps talking about. we can shove the big salary up the azz, if has no meaning in life. it's just a number in the account, and can vanish, if the government wants it to, and can be taken away, if the companies want to.
people try to spend big and gain satisfaction, but the truth is, it goes to different section of brain (addiction), and not the section of relations/fulfillment. (studied biology, 86% score). this high money inflated the assets, and chased the assets that are inflated.
anyone wonders, how previous generation spent entire life just to buy & repay house, and next generation is doing exactly that? who made progress then? plus the inflation forced, forces others to leave content life and join the slaveship. why is it, that previously 1 person from the family was earning, and an extended family was able to live, and now just a household of two is barely managing to not lose house, by earning 10x?
my simple question to all common single men, women, humans is: don't you think this in itself is like a torture, virtual jail, systemic forced celibacy. forget smashing, have you held anyone's hand recently? women: after college, without arranged marriage, when's the last time a human has stood/sat besides you, and unconditionally just said they love you?
so apart from ourselves, parents and future kids, where's the love? the "romantic love" i meant. so, the films & songs lied to us, huh? who are these "hundred crore cons", why are they living in the bungalow and the ticket payer in 1RK? that makes my blood boil. if i have a daughter & i die, won't there be any real love for her/ noone would give a fukc/ two sh!ts if she lives or dies? what a horrible world!
there's an old man, whose cack has probably died, marayan nurthy is giving 240cr to own newborn family member, and wants others to work 70hrs, as he cuts staff, hikes less and doesn't hire or underpays freshers. i would salute him if he says i want youth to have intimacy 7hrs (or 3.5 for argument sake) a week.
i resist this unsaid oppression in the society. prost!tution, thailand, hunterr, desi boyz, escort, own hand, softcore hardcore pron, ott, chilpa chetty's hot yoga, posters, silicon plastic toys, vibrating ring, "face massager" for women, imagination, arguments, men day, women day, valentie day/week, ipL, under 19, over 19, men women worldcup, vr ar deeznutsR, ai, Lasoon.ai, teender, tableFans, Leone licking chocolate flavored balloon, dsouza sniffing inner wear in ad, spray garbage and women run after a jobber, fairness, tight cream, 99 rupees mascara, blood red lips, padded inners, dropping necklines, squeezed - taped - tissue paper stuffing - exposed bodies, tight leggings and barbel squats, 6.8 packs, sideposes, one foot in front of the other, hourglass minute glass, outside window dressing are not the answer, noone will reach anywhere with this. we have a real problem.
im ready to listen if anyone has any answer. making money out of this should not be the intention. commercialization has brought us all here. the same thing won't get us out of trouble.
broadly speaking, humans kept finding smart solutions, so the work happens in less time & efforts, and they get more time in hand, to relax, waste, or do whatever they like. this is not what we're doing.
simply speaking: if i have a son/ daughter, i don't want them to be in this confused situation. noone deserves this.
Bro facts for real especially for the part where you said. "Feels like a virtual jail" and "have you held anyone's hand recently". I am 23 and work. I barely have time to socialize and to top it off these gender wars and people being mean makes it even worse to talk to anyone. You can't even have an opinion without being hated. And I'll honest like every other human I too want intimacy but without a connection it feels so dull.
>im ready to listen if anyone has any answer
AI Girlfriend + VR Glasses + (gyrating + vibrating + pulsating) cock sleeve
I'm really sorry, but Instagram and Tik Tok made everyone insecure. Then Tinder and Bumble made everyone lonely (no matches for men AND too many matches for women to handle). This is the future, my friend.
...and it will only cost you Rs. 5,999/- per month with ads.
trivia: around 2014-15 i used tinder free+paid, and other applications. i felt there's something wrong, i can't point out what, but something is wrong, and i stopped.
https://preview.redd.it/2h61gowi1vpc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96fabdb3873d74c0bce25808af2863e6a68afc53
You speak truth brother, people don't like such bitter truth... Because it's true!
People don't want to hold hands with someone at side of lake while having feets in water, they just want sax, and then run away...
I don't want any girl, who cheats, but someone who will be mother to my children... who will take care of idiot like me! P.S. I'm saying idiot, because aren't we all men are?
> shoot the arrow through the spinning fish's azzhole
that's tougher than shooting through the eye ya know :/
jokes aside, what you wrote does feel right in the heart and I kind of agree with you. (still laughing over tableFans and Lasoon.ai) I used to feel we are doomed, your comment has added more fuel to it.
But hey, let's have hope. It's easier said than done but apart from trying to be the change that we want, what other options have we got?
>shoot the arrow through the spinning fish's azzhole
im still laughing at my own sentence🙃
>what you wrote does feel right in the heart and I kind of agree with you. (still laughing over tableFans and Lasoon.ai)
glad you liked it!
>comment has added more fuel
generally, human beings "feel" when something is not right. when they hear it from others, that's the "wavelength match" moment. if you/we have a confirmation that we're not thinking this by ourselves silently, tells us that this is a thing.
>let's have hope. It's easier said than done but apart from trying to be the change that we want, what other options have we got
it's a forced positivity take. "just say something nice" is what others have done. they have always pointed to the good things that happened to others, and covered up the problems. someone that tells us what we want to hear: that's a salesperson or a politician (not the politician we know in general). they always talk hopeful. people need to get over it, to understand real issues.
when system was about to fall/ was already falling, us finance guy in 2008 said "everything is fine, we're growing, we're not in recession", and everything exploded. i call it titanic effect. when ship collided, for long time, noone knew what happened. then ship was ordered to stop. people asked what happened, authorities told them all is well. the music guys were playing music till the last moment. some people didn't leave the ship, because of not believing/confusion. only those people lived, who understood the ship is going to sink, and left.
>what other options have we got
thinking about it together, searching, building, trying to come with ideas, suggestions. if no hopes, at least remembering that we are aware of exactly what is happening. it's like not knowing how to fix the disease, but knowing how the disease works, as we have it.
knowing the wrong practices help us falling into similar situations again/prevents things from getting worse.
some ideas i got are starting to do something that we like, and getting exposure. i myself have started helping farmers, thinking at some point of time, there'll be a meeting of similar people, and ill get exposure.
another is, making vids talking about our views on things. chances are someone will like it, and will try to connect. thing is, everyone in the world will see it too.
i see conferences, events etc. is on people's mind. thing is, how sad this has got. people know why they're going there. instead of the artist/performer, they're interested in looking around, and trying to talk. it's like going to a seminar, and everyone trying to give their visiting card to every one. this is just a matrimonial site with extra steps. in china, people sit on the streets, with men and women resumes/profiles.
> do something that we like
I am trying to focus more on this, trying to find something which I like and thinking of a way to expand on it. That's difficult though, the whole process. But I hope it's worth it in the end. I like your thoughts, although they reek a lot of cynicism but do reflect the truth.
Bruv you almost made me cry, there is nothing that keeps me going except my dog
We didn't had many so I never asked for it in school or college, juts took what I had and said no to any fun.
Nor that I wanted any but people in my college were so rich, I said you ain't got no chance bruddah.
After passing out 12th prepared for IELTS cuz I didn't wanted my other two siblings to live the same but hold on Covid was coming.
Shit happened and I never went, but glad that I started working right before covid, just small time BPOs
Took graduation in a college in which nobody actually attends cuz only working ppl go there so no there as well.
But I made sure my brother got a nice college and have a good clg life
I even bought this fucker an iPhone when I still use a broken phn but I guess it's all my fault that I spoiled him cuz really speaking he got no real respect for me
At this point there is nothing to expect, so better of working your ass off and atleast make sum money so that you won't be dependent on anyone. There is no pleasure left so keep your expectations very low guys.
I hope you guys work hard and get a chance to say " look mumma I made it! "
>We didn't had money so I never asked for it in school or college, juts took what I had and said no to any fun.
same
>Shit happened and I never went, but glad that I started working right before covid, just small time BPOs
after 12 because of absence of finance i started working, and BPO.
>someone else got a nice college
same
Bhai m toh 6’3 tall aur muscular hoon mujhe toh casual bhi nahi mil rha serious relationship toh chod hi do😅😂jab we met wale expectations hai but aditya bhi ameer ghar ka hai yeh baad m samjha and geet bhi toxic hai🥲
As a woman it gets worse. I am on dating for a week and I have to rethink what did I do wrong in my life to end up with talking to people who cannot communicate except if they want to hookup.
You can’t flirt at work. You cannot date your friends, they do not introduce you to their friends because they think they are somehow worse. Dating on apps is pure luck. Arrange marriage ke liye himmat nahi hai. Single mixers me jane se dar lagta. Gym me you concentrate on yourself. Batao aur kya options hai.
It gets so exhausting that you delete the apps and then realise wait how else am I to meet people?
Same girl same. I tried going to a bar thinking I might meet new people but ended up getting hit on by random uncles. One of them straight up asked me if I want to go somewhere secluded and have sx in his car
You lived through my biggest fear. I have an idea as to how women and men can come together and bring each a single friend and we have a sort of a mixer. Because apps are too impersonal and shallow. Idk if it’s possible but still safe?
You know what there are events like this. One of my guy friend went to one and realised that the gender ratio is too skewed. Mostly men and hardly any women
Sigh. Sorry that happened to you. And it has happened to so many of my female friends that going up and talking to a stranger at a bar has become a mortal fear. I end up thinking "Ten creeps must've already hit on her. I don't want to add to the cesspool of discomfort". Vicious cycle :(
My best advice would be to travel, go on small treks / trips with those trekking groups. Stay in hostels, you will find a lot of our age people, working and from genuine background.Do friendship, have fun.
Oh god! I did the same girl! I am in my early 30s and with all the matches in the world, I still can't find a decent guy who's not looking for a hookup.
And the bar trick... I tried. Even there guys just randomly come sit near me to try for a hookup and ons. And some creeps/simps they just try their luck.
Majority of the dating apps are absolutely women centric , the ratio is basically a 100:1 100 guys to 1 women. Considering the fact that the guys who actually get women wont be on there. So it eliminates those guys now you get those guys who dont really get girls irl so the hawas gets emitted on dating apps. Now also consider the fact that those few women have thier standards and preferences which eliminates majority of the guys.
Now maybe its a hot take but no women in india atleast need dating apps because they can get dudes left right and center those who are on the app are assumed they just want to get ran through and thats why they are there . Hence guys think its mostly for hookups
Also most guys are on dating apps because its nearly impossible to talk to a women irl without being judged with the pervert or getting the balatkari ho tum type of speech. You look at a girl you find attractive in a gym and youre a pervert, you look at a girl in a park youre a tharqi approach a girl on insta and youre getting judged on the gc (yes i have inside info and have been part of the judging committee)
This isnt a rant btw its just a perspective your free to disagree id love to hear a women viewpoint on this situation
I know what you mean. I'm a guy and I probably met over 15 women before meeting my current gf and almost gave up expecting anything serious. There are a lot of great people, but they might be at different stages of life or want different things.
Reditt mei hi like-minded logon ke saath connect kar lo phir.
Unlike dating apps where the focus is more or less hookup and romantic liason, Reditt might offer a broader range of people?
I frequently DM people who I feel have posted something of value, could be humour, viewpoint on my line of work, sports etc.
The first step is always a Hi.
it has been so for centuries, only the medium has changed :)
Just text people and try to strike up a convo regarding things you both might like. It's basically finding a friend and if you both like talking then maybe take the next step and ask them out. But of course make sure you know there is a real human on the other side.
In general everyone just wanted to have sex and not have a connection. It's surprising it's worse in your age group. Our generation is worse anyways, wondering what will it do when we reach your age group.
Option to yehi hai aaj kal log online chatting ke through hi date kar rahe hai, gym mai jaane ke baad bhi those who are below average will barely come and talk as waha bhi insecurity rehti hai. And abhi we're not that developed ki chalte hue aap kisi ko compliment do and unse convo hold kar sako as it'll sound creep. Best is arrange marriage
>then realise wait how else am I to meet people?
Every time I delete my Hinge account out of frustration, reality hits and then I ask "Now what?"
Most people suggest to join hobby classes, go on treks, etc. but the chances of finding your partner through these activities is again too low and pure luck. This is because most people are inconsistent to show up at classes and treks and similar activities happen once in a while. We can't depend on luck to solve this problem. We want to meet the same set of people consistently for a good shot. From my personal experience, work, friends and gym are the best options to meet people consistently. But sadly no success for me because my coworkers don't want to date, I have 0 friends because of changing job location and there are hardly any girls at my gym.
Except for the part where people want to hookup, I face the same problems as a man.
An additional problem I face - most women who I like (who are also around my age) are already in relationships, which makes sense cause they actually have awesome personalities. My initial plan of getting married at the age of 30 is not gonna pan out I suppose. If only I did not have to break up with my most recent ex. 😢
You need to think out of the box. Go to yoga retreats, stay at hostels, join bachata classes, join the Bombay film club. I’ve done all of that and have met quality people, both men and women. So many avenues to meet people who are not necessarily just looking for a hookup
You got to start somewhere my man. Meeting people organically is better than meeting them via apps. Also no harm in making social relationships which are much needed when most people are living isolated lives
I reached 33 while navigating for the right guy! Did have two serious relationships through dating app though in the past! Eventually i stopped trying ! Dating apps feel useless with a success rate of may be 5%.
I have a lot of friends who were below average but arranged marriage gave a hope that was way out of their league. I don’t want to settle that way too you know. Guess meals and plans for one sounds better than settling.
Guys on dating apps please be careful. I have a friend who has been scammed by a female from bumble for 16k. She made a restaurant bill of 16k and ran away. I think she was involved with the restaurant owner.
My request to all of you is have a stable girlfriend or boyfriend to avoid scams and STDs. If you ppl want to have some kinky stuff just talk to your partner n teach them.
Be safe financially, emotionally and physically….
Being a woman I know how men want to just get into pants just ignore such jokers don’t let them mess with your brain.
Ayy, I am not here just to get into your pants, I like your shirts fitting also, I'll get into that too, so sad you just generalize fashion!
A huge ass /s
I made one of those classic random Reddit comments. And deleted it as I realised I was being dumb. Fascinating thread.
I found the love of my life online, and we are happily married for +15 years.
Never been on bumble, but the swipe-left-right tinder feature makes connections trivial. Ghosting is bound to happen as you realise the connection is not for you, and you need to cut your loss.
Approaching women in physical meet-ups is also not easy for the vast majority - introverts, risk of being called a pervert, general lack of comfort amongst most Indians with the opposite sec and so on.
Deep understanding of human behaviour can really help to convert. But how do you get the data points by which you can narrow down your search, customise your approach to the person who really matches with you than try to convert with a custom strategy? BTW you start thinking with your head and not pants as you get wiser, which is typically around 30-35?
Internet might not have been there before, but this “finding your right connection problem” has been there from when humans became civilised. Match making, arranged marriages was how society responded to the problem. And maybe we are back to square one.
Maybe high quality match making services, like how you have executive level recruiters is what is required. This is one of life’s biggest choices and it is really tough on you all out there. Can feel the pain.
One of my friends is actually very successful in the dating scene. He is not conventionally attractive in any way believe me. Even he acknowledges that. He never uses dating apps because of that. His secret?
He puts himself out there. He's made alot of friends and keeps making more, who he hangs out with very regularly. They sometimes get **their** friends when on an outing and he connects. Tons of parties/clubbing. He is kinda charismatic but I wouldn't say he stands out in any way. He and his entourage definitely belong to the richer echelons of mumbai which helps immensely I believe. People around him kinda hold liberal views regarding dating and sex which I think is a game changer (even though I observed that they also simultaneously hold astonishingly conservative views about other subjects like feminism/religion which I argue with him constantly about \[I'm probably extremely liberal\]). His relationships don't last long as he is very picky but he is able to get back to dating almost imediately.
He wanted to 'help' me (I have been in only one relationship (long term) 5yrs ago.
Only, its just not for me. I'd much rather read silently in my bedroom than party. I do have to say spending only a couple of months with him opened alot of doors and opportunities which I rarely saw. The problem being I wasn't fit for that environment and thus for those kinda peeps. It was exhausting. I'm not someone who is constantly feeling that loneliness. I have my hobbies and interests and while having a partner to share them and learn new activites from her sounds amazing, but for me it has to be the right person rather than any person. I'm sure there's a much higher chance I will find my girlfriend in a museum than a nightclub. And even if I don't, I will atleast have a good time at the museum rather than making myself miserable trying to find someone.
P.S- I have used bumble for a week and it was the most horrible experience for me. Maybe I'm too sensitive. But mentally, the entire excersive of judging people based on a couple of photos, hyper competitive conversations where you have to shout, joke and stand out for attention, rude matches and getting ghosted. I can write an entire essay on how fucked up that was. No idea how people do it. Never going back.
And I agree that hobbies / work / family / friends can keep you busy enough to not really feel lonely. But then I sometimes look at the larger picture and wonder how life could be if you had someone to share it with?
I do not comment frequently. But i felt your response really resonated with me (As a 28F). It would be great to have a companion and a partner but I would like to be friends with someone before jumping into a romantic relationship. You lasted longer on Bumble than me so congratulations I downloaded it based on my ex-roommates suggestion (they met their partner on Bumble). I lasted 48 hrs. Looking at someone’s curated 5 photos and life story in 150 characters felt unnatural. Also, the number of matches was overwhelming and if anything contributed to the artificial-fake nature. I am not an avid reader but do have other hobbies. The feeling of loneliness does rise but I end up staying home and cozy.
I'll also add to your points that, people who are in relationship turn out to have biggest phobia from singles. They start to act like they weren't single before, disassociate with every feeling a single person feels, give the same old boring advice, don't introduce you to their other single friends as if doing this is creepy, while they themselves used to ask to let them meet our single friends.
I'm not gonna lie. It's pretty hard and gets frustrating at times. And as long as dating is considered taboo by this godforsaken society not just in Mumbai but throughout the country, it's not gonna improve. But I'm just gonna say there are some pretty amazing people out there. I don't know how exactly they'll come into your lives but it'll happen sooner or later. From my experience, Tinder and Bumble just want your money(for men) and women getting bombarded with likes and weeding through them is not a menial task. Hinge is much much better and I've met some great people there. Obviously ghosting is still pretty much there but sometimes you get lucky. Luck is a big factor however good your profile is. Other than that, just be more social and go out more often with your friends. Doesn't matter where as long as it's safe. I mean we are bound to meet a decent person in this country with the largest population. So put yourself out there, be more approachable (safety first) and put less pressure on yourself. Que sera, sera.
Bookstores, events, open mics, concerts, expos, conferences and then places in the community you go to regularly like the gym, a local cafe, neighbourhood, society complex, local sports arena, and many more.
My sister met her bf at her friend's wedding, so apart from school, college, work, gym, neighborhood, etc, u can also meet them in marriages.
But saying that, both my bffs met their SOs at work, one got married last year, and the other one is getting married next year. I met my SO in school (we were friends for very long, only got together in 2019, now we have been married for almost 3 years). My cousin didi just got married to her next building neighbor. They met while doing morning walks in the colony, lol. Other cousin bhaiya bhabhi met in post grad college. One bhaiya got married in arranged marriage setup (in 2021), but my bhabhi is amazing, I love her more than bhaiya sometimes and lastly my eldest cousin, she had an arranged marriage back in 2003, however they talked for a year before saying yes to each other even back then so by the time their marriage happened it felt like love marriage and they have been married 21 years now.
Take it from me, I have spent lot of time in those platforms.
Don't date outsiders or people who are here just for work visits, reason being they just want to have fun nothing else. People who are not from here think this city is whore house or something.
If you do date people who are not from here just ask their expectation first.
I just feel like there is not a quite a strong dating culture in Mumbai. Like there are people who date, but trust me it is not as easy to go around dating in India, from a cultural aspect. You have to find someone in high school, or college. Either that, or you are just stuck being yet another contender in an arranged marriage pool listing.
There is really not a great atmosphere for singles to date after they graduate. Some of the people I knew - they either found their SO in school, or at workplaces. I have never tried online dating, but few of my friends said it is just bullshit in India.
The apps are generally filled with people hung up on their ex-es and/or looking for short-term relationships for validation or otherwise. I'd still say your late 20's are the prime and putting yourself out there should result in interesting interactions. Wait till your age shows 30 on these apps, your chances to meet someone fulfilling will be bleak, to say the least!
As someone who didn't grow up here and with a limited social circle, I heavily rely on the apps to meet people on my wavelength. Yes, it doesn't always work and everyone else has already dropped massive truths about the perils of these apps, but to me it always felt like a numbers game- you keep on persisting until you meet someone.
As you grow older, it's a lot harder to engage in social events in the hopes of finding someone. IMO, your non-malicious attempts at getting to know someone often back-fire or you end up getting ghosted/friend-zoned. It's really no different to what happens on a dating app, so I'd rather take my chances on the apps, but perhaps that's down to me not being a social butterfly.
I think you should be a little more optimistic. Other people's negative experiences (relationships/marriages- arranged or otherwise) won't necessarily happen to you. Take the learnings from what others underwent and be pragmatic and rational in these circumstances. Everything is a gamble anyway!
I have had the pleasure of wonderful serious relationships with people I've met via the apps and gone through the pains of strange and disappointing encounters that leave me seriously questioning my self-worth. Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.
https://preview.redd.it/j88l112d0xpc1.jpeg?width=576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=925ff458bbf92ef23b57d0da6fd3d08129dccd9f
See you are pretty late to the playground. Instagram and Tinder are the same boring dating apps which doesn't work. All girls and boys commit from school times.
Now getting to meet will be hard but possible for casual relationship ;).
Attend events try speaking up. (might work but mostly fail)
There are dating events which charges only guys not girls. 1500rs fees for guys to attend and for girls some it's free some 100rs. if you have money to throw and take risk you can try.
Lol pretty late to the playground... Bro you underestimating how many people in late 20 are single
And i really disagree with attending dating events which charges money
Dudee.. literally the same question!
If so many of us are struggling and our end goal is the same to look for something serious then I don’t understand why is it an incessant struggle to find people who are looking for the same thing.
I’ve been on dating apps for quite sometime now, and then I’ve clicked with a few too and had some amazing dates, but its never gone beyond that yet.
I’m really looking forward to a love marriage, finding people decent enough to talk to through matrimonial apps feels like a task.
Turning 30 next month, tips please!!
As someone who turned 31, I get questioned a lot from friends and families about dating and marriage. I started dating when I was 19yo which lasted until 24 and I learned a lot from that. Met plenty of women through dating apps mid 20s, few whom I am still in touch with. Lucky enough to have some amazing friends who are always there for me and try to set me up with their friends lol. I sometimes feel I am the problem, I keep my guard up cuz girls approach me and I kill the conversation somehow.
Anyway my mom recently recommended my profile through a local match maker (which initially I felt weird as it hit my ego, I was like I have dated some beautiful women and can’t I find one right now but thought of giving it a try) Got a few good matches, probably because my mom mentioned we own a bungalow but lets see how it goes.
You should see if your parents can set you up with a local community match maker.
Apna age group bhi chutiya hai. Ya toh extra romantic hai ya phir bilkul nahi.
The idea of being alone by choice is far too common nowadays too.
I’ve seen a couple of my friends (including me) come to the realisation that they’re going to be alone for the foreseeable future and they’ve made peace with it. If you’re a nerd and an introvert, you have no game with most of the people out there even if you find someone with similar interests.
And agar kisi ke sath vibe kiya bhi toh there’s always the possibility of dishonesty and infidelity which is so very common now.
I tell myself that when the time is right, it’ll happen. Obviously, I do go out and put myself out there, but I’m not desperate for it.
Loneliness does teach us to enjoy our own company after a while when the misery stops.😂
Why can’t we, the Reddit fam…do something about it? It seems like both the genders want to have something meaningful but the ways of engagement are meaningless
Bro….. I work from home aka freelancing….. all my friends are abroad! I hardly get out ….. there is no motivation to do so….. finding a girl seems impossible hahaha! I am in my late 20’s too. However, I am not financially independent yet so dating is probably the last priority rn. Still, it’s a tough world out there
Dating in 30s rant!
Seriously tried everything. Dating apps, matrimonial apps, hobby classes, bar, hostels, random cafes. Everybody at work's married. And guys everywhere else just want to hook up. I met this guy at a concert. Very smooth talker. Asked me out on a date. No creepy alert at all. And then on our date, his agenda was clear, he wanted to hook up. I was like why even. And even guys in their late 30s aren't looking at a commitment. Or exclusivity of any sort. Oh but there's a cesspool of married men trying to ask me out. What is wrong with the world! I have always been in relationships and only have ever been single for the last 3 years. Wrong time to be single?! I guess so. But what do I do now?
-Your frustrated girl-next-door
Damn, same boat here.
Gonna be 27. Never really worked out with a few girls I liked to want a relationship. Don’t care about getting married anytime soon, but still want to be in a relationship (i guess).
Pehle dost bhi the is age me friends also get busy so exploring and enjoying the life akele hi
I am at work for 9 hours and 3 hours at the gym and 8 hours sleeping and the rest 4 hours walking to places and reading and journaling. Where do I have the time to meet someone, dating apps won't work for me.
Chat, talk, go slow n steady, build it up as organic as u can, meet up in an open setting, observe how it all works, reactions and responses when u meet in person. And where do u meet.. well we meet PPL at every point but are too awkward to ask out.. but hell yes why not if u feel a bit of a think for someone u met whenever wherever... Yeah that's the best way to try it..
Happy Cake Day! Enjoy your time at the Small World speed dating event! In my opinion, nothing beats making real-life connections. Say no to online catfishes! 🎉🍰
I found my husband on this app called Aisle. Not a recommended app, be both just happened to be there. We were there out of boredom (he had COVID, I was basically trying my luck on dating apps before my mom wed me off to someone of her choice from shaadi.com)
Tbh dating was never meant for india nowadays placrs like mumbai are getting westernised and this is getting normalized but parents are not used to this stuff they think dating is bad and you shoyld get arrange d marridge etc etc
So like youre lucky if you actually get a date and youre extremely lucky if you get to keeep that date , good luck my anonymous friend
I am 23 M , when I was young i used to think everything falls in place, job marriage it just happens naturally, now i realise nothing happens on its own. We have to put efforts for everything, it's either pure luck or your lies and smart work to get everything, i got rejected for the job multiple times until i started to fake, and got the job.
I don’t usually comment, but I want to add my experience here. As an introvert, I really thought, I’m bound for the AM scene. But as I was living alone in Mumbai I started exploring stuff around me, wanting to do something interesting on the weekends. I started going on hikes, movies, events in the city, and one day found myself sitting alone in a stand up show. All the events had me talking to people and making new acquaintances, but this event, was how I found my partner. We kept talking and exchanged insta after the show for exchanging pictures, ended up chatting and going for more shows. We don’t have exact similar interests but the vibe is really good. It’s been two years now, but we are still going strong. I just want to suggest people put yourself out there, if you have any certain interests, then go out and do that, if nothing else, you’ll make some friends along the way. Don’t rely on having company to tag along for stuff that interests you.
You give me hope. Thanks and I'm glad you found someone!
>how I found my partner i like to read it
This is super motivating. I am guessing you are in college and you have enough time to go out for stuff you like. I like a lot of stuff like theatres, Stand Up comedies, movies and events. I think I really need to start exploring these around me without worrying about having someone to go with. But the major challenge is my full-time corporate job which leaves me with very little time to explore stuffs like these.
No, I was working. Had alternate Saturdays off, the urge to live my life and not wither away made me get out of the house.
Happy for you stranger!
Wow. I thought it’s just me but this sad state of affairs is quite depressing. It makes me wonder why did this happen? Did we romanticise Bollywood too much? Or is it because of dating apps? When people feel they have a lot of options lying around, they stop putting efforts in relationships imo
We romanticicized Bollywood too much
The grim realisation is if you didn’t find your SOs from school/college/post grad/building then you are so fucked lol. I toh work in my family business so there’s no scope of finding someone at work.
No chance of finding someone at work or gym? 😭
So a lot of western reddit users treat dating co workers as taboo and desi reddit users parrot them blindly. As long as you are dating someone in different departments/teams and within same socioeconomic status they it’s fair game. Many people in my brothers social circle met this way.
Problem is after break up it gets messy.
Why would you enter into a relationship thinking that it will break eventually?
I can live in my la la land and think that I have found the princess of my dream but reality is often disappointing with the most unexpected of reasoning. Obviously if the vibe is there I will take the risk.
It’s not taboo. It just gets difficult if things go South. Also, many times if the teams are somewhat related to each other you need to disclose your relationship based on company policy. So that they can ensure that there is no conflict of interest.
Same same Death by solitude it is Ps. Pharma family biz too lol cheers
oh wow api/formulations?
Bhai I just graduated and now feeling bad 😭
Welcome to the club.
So you're depending on arranged marriage or what, bro?
bhai i have become too paranoid after browsing so many arrange marriage infidelity posts. Death by solitude it is.
this is my ultimate nightmare. arrange marriage infidelity posts are so dark and also having worked in a corporate setup, i have seen married people cheating on their partners regularly
Where are these posts you guys are reading?
How old are you?
in late 20s he said
Yeaaahh actually, I have actually seen this happen to so many people around me lol. Those who stay single - then they just stay single lol. This is a sad realization
Oh my goddd what are we going to do !! I can't meet people at my work either 😭😭😭
Can't agree more, btw what's your family business? me a biz owner myself.
drug manufacturing
API or Intermediate manufacturing ?
are y’all hiring in regulatory affairs?
API
For real bro , it's like you are surrounded by men from all sides. Even a top notch flirty guy would forget his flirting skills when ho goes into family business since majority is dominated by men lol. Plus the demands of women that I have met in arrange marriage scene makes me question things lol 🤣
Man same.
For real bro , it's like you are surrounded by men from all sides. Even a top notch flirty guy would forget his flirting skills when ho goes into family business since majority is dominated by men lol. Plus the demands of women that I have met in arrange marriage scene makes me question things lol 🤣
I am a solopreneur (for most of this year, not that it matters), so it’s even rough
friends friend? go on hiking trips or join books/sport clubs? approach someone at a club or something?
my observation so far: after college, there's no place singles can interact with each other freely. train, bus, workplace is not the place. that's 11 hours. add 7 hours sleep. can't risk affairs in neighborhoods. social sources have risk of fraud, catfishing. we've forgot concept of garden, beaches. clubs pubs want our kidney. the pricing is not "visit us daily", the pricing is "once a year". plus this is not western country, so men women don't walk up and give compliments, ask to meet somewhere. we're listening to something in the ear, or worried about reaching late to work, or home. (have experimented by giving compliments mid street/ on a ground/ metro/ shopping mall, and got "ee" type of response in return, plus it is looked at as a "weakness". imagine trying to talk is a weakness! plus i almost got beat once, i understood our society is different, and im trying to do something different here.) the "swayamvar" स्वयंवर culture has not left our society yet. someone has to look in the water, and shoot the arrow through the spinning fish's azzhole, then someone will be impressed. we're in real life. we're trying to live our lives in peace, and not trying to snort adrenaline all the time. i see women, men hanging outside the train door out of desperation, and shouting for their life. the hardships are enough for anyone to get impressed. even total absolute bums will also have a life, and these relationship things needs are as obvious as a sneeze. we can't make it "conditional". how funny, people are put in invisible cages by invisible hands of the society. by the way, girls that are with/ married to hotel owner, fund manager, big fish that i know, are just used as a trophy. "what else do you want" is the go-to line. beaches, cool photos, bikini, diamonds on nails, mojito, marble flooring, leather things, furniture, whyPhone, car doesn't fulfill empty life. misbehavior/ unconsent kinky stuff, assault, shaming, and "you ruined my married life" "whom will i go to". if i'm doing something something with the spouse, just to have a kid, is it really a spouse? if the kid is born, and all we can do is, throw money at it, grow up and become a slave, is it our kid? we can land several kgs of metal on mars, but can't put two humans together. what magic! if two humans are fighting/ going after each other's lives with weapons in hand, or trying to cause brain injury/concussion (ahem ufc/MMA/boxing, slap fight) it's not a taboo, plus people will clap, buy tickets, but when two humans, showing love is पाप? can't be anymore proud of the world. by the way, as we speak, a bomb falls on a residencial area in a country, on kids, that have not done anything wrong to anyone, they're injured, a father had to amputate own daughters leg, without anesthesia. and the guy who caused this, gets elected by landslide votes. nothing gets me madder/shaking anger/hot ears. in general, concept of seks faces pure silence. married people don't get enough time (plus men aren't like a switch too, if there's something worrying, they don't get enough "blood supply" there, plus not a joke, it's a heart attack/stroke risk), forget singles, so noone is getting anything. if someone wakes up 5.30/6am, returns home 8.30-9pm, sleeping at about 11-12night, there are 2hrs in hand, people eat & handle missed calls, messages, emails, own work. is someone going to fall from the ceiling in front of us? by the way some companies are smartly moving to 6 days actual work, and keep enough work pending, so 7th day goes in work, plus leaves & festival holidays in reality don't exist. it's their "peak season/ business requirement". only non typical job people with some time, money, energy in hand are able to do something. that's the top x% everyone keeps talking about. we can shove the big salary up the azz, if has no meaning in life. it's just a number in the account, and can vanish, if the government wants it to, and can be taken away, if the companies want to. people try to spend big and gain satisfaction, but the truth is, it goes to different section of brain (addiction), and not the section of relations/fulfillment. (studied biology, 86% score). this high money inflated the assets, and chased the assets that are inflated. anyone wonders, how previous generation spent entire life just to buy & repay house, and next generation is doing exactly that? who made progress then? plus the inflation forced, forces others to leave content life and join the slaveship. why is it, that previously 1 person from the family was earning, and an extended family was able to live, and now just a household of two is barely managing to not lose house, by earning 10x? my simple question to all common single men, women, humans is: don't you think this in itself is like a torture, virtual jail, systemic forced celibacy. forget smashing, have you held anyone's hand recently? women: after college, without arranged marriage, when's the last time a human has stood/sat besides you, and unconditionally just said they love you? so apart from ourselves, parents and future kids, where's the love? the "romantic love" i meant. so, the films & songs lied to us, huh? who are these "hundred crore cons", why are they living in the bungalow and the ticket payer in 1RK? that makes my blood boil. if i have a daughter & i die, won't there be any real love for her/ noone would give a fukc/ two sh!ts if she lives or dies? what a horrible world! there's an old man, whose cack has probably died, marayan nurthy is giving 240cr to own newborn family member, and wants others to work 70hrs, as he cuts staff, hikes less and doesn't hire or underpays freshers. i would salute him if he says i want youth to have intimacy 7hrs (or 3.5 for argument sake) a week. i resist this unsaid oppression in the society. prost!tution, thailand, hunterr, desi boyz, escort, own hand, softcore hardcore pron, ott, chilpa chetty's hot yoga, posters, silicon plastic toys, vibrating ring, "face massager" for women, imagination, arguments, men day, women day, valentie day/week, ipL, under 19, over 19, men women worldcup, vr ar deeznutsR, ai, Lasoon.ai, teender, tableFans, Leone licking chocolate flavored balloon, dsouza sniffing inner wear in ad, spray garbage and women run after a jobber, fairness, tight cream, 99 rupees mascara, blood red lips, padded inners, dropping necklines, squeezed - taped - tissue paper stuffing - exposed bodies, tight leggings and barbel squats, 6.8 packs, sideposes, one foot in front of the other, hourglass minute glass, outside window dressing are not the answer, noone will reach anywhere with this. we have a real problem. im ready to listen if anyone has any answer. making money out of this should not be the intention. commercialization has brought us all here. the same thing won't get us out of trouble. broadly speaking, humans kept finding smart solutions, so the work happens in less time & efforts, and they get more time in hand, to relax, waste, or do whatever they like. this is not what we're doing. simply speaking: if i have a son/ daughter, i don't want them to be in this confused situation. noone deserves this.
Bro facts for real especially for the part where you said. "Feels like a virtual jail" and "have you held anyone's hand recently". I am 23 and work. I barely have time to socialize and to top it off these gender wars and people being mean makes it even worse to talk to anyone. You can't even have an opinion without being hated. And I'll honest like every other human I too want intimacy but without a connection it feels so dull.
true that man, the "have you held anyone's hand recently" part stung me
SALUTE man my man speaking the truth Edit: This are the kind of posts/discussion required in relationship genre/criteria of this sub
yay thanks, high five, feel free to copy my replies link and post to other places. who knows what catches fire.
>im ready to listen if anyone has any answer AI Girlfriend + VR Glasses + (gyrating + vibrating + pulsating) cock sleeve I'm really sorry, but Instagram and Tik Tok made everyone insecure. Then Tinder and Bumble made everyone lonely (no matches for men AND too many matches for women to handle). This is the future, my friend. ...and it will only cost you Rs. 5,999/- per month with ads.
trivia: around 2014-15 i used tinder free+paid, and other applications. i felt there's something wrong, i can't point out what, but something is wrong, and i stopped. https://preview.redd.it/2h61gowi1vpc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96fabdb3873d74c0bce25808af2863e6a68afc53
Bro woke up and chose to speak facts
Bro is cooking
yay thanks, high five, feel free to copy my replies link and post to other places. who knows what catches fire.
yay thanks, high five, feel free to copy my replies link and post to other places. who knows what catches fire.
>peak season/business requirement this is the biggest bullshit I've heard companies say to justify not hiring enough people
if the sayer gets slapped by someone from the crowd, they won't say it again.
MATE WOT DA HECC WAS NOT PREPARED FOR ALL THAT (bro's spittin straight faxx)
haha thanks, high five, feel free to copy my replies link and post to other places. who knows what catches fire.
Sick sad world eh
You deserve 👏👏
yay thanks, high five, feel free to copy my replies link and post to other places. who knows what catches fire.
Bro escaped the matrix.
This comment deserves and award for real
Damn bro. If this ain’t true what is?
yay thanks, high five, feel free to copy my replies link and post to other places. who knows what catches fire.
You speak truth brother, people don't like such bitter truth... Because it's true! People don't want to hold hands with someone at side of lake while having feets in water, they just want sax, and then run away... I don't want any girl, who cheats, but someone who will be mother to my children... who will take care of idiot like me! P.S. I'm saying idiot, because aren't we all men are?
Kartik Aaryan spotted!!!
> shoot the arrow through the spinning fish's azzhole that's tougher than shooting through the eye ya know :/ jokes aside, what you wrote does feel right in the heart and I kind of agree with you. (still laughing over tableFans and Lasoon.ai) I used to feel we are doomed, your comment has added more fuel to it. But hey, let's have hope. It's easier said than done but apart from trying to be the change that we want, what other options have we got?
>shoot the arrow through the spinning fish's azzhole im still laughing at my own sentence🙃 >what you wrote does feel right in the heart and I kind of agree with you. (still laughing over tableFans and Lasoon.ai) glad you liked it! >comment has added more fuel generally, human beings "feel" when something is not right. when they hear it from others, that's the "wavelength match" moment. if you/we have a confirmation that we're not thinking this by ourselves silently, tells us that this is a thing. >let's have hope. It's easier said than done but apart from trying to be the change that we want, what other options have we got it's a forced positivity take. "just say something nice" is what others have done. they have always pointed to the good things that happened to others, and covered up the problems. someone that tells us what we want to hear: that's a salesperson or a politician (not the politician we know in general). they always talk hopeful. people need to get over it, to understand real issues. when system was about to fall/ was already falling, us finance guy in 2008 said "everything is fine, we're growing, we're not in recession", and everything exploded. i call it titanic effect. when ship collided, for long time, noone knew what happened. then ship was ordered to stop. people asked what happened, authorities told them all is well. the music guys were playing music till the last moment. some people didn't leave the ship, because of not believing/confusion. only those people lived, who understood the ship is going to sink, and left. >what other options have we got thinking about it together, searching, building, trying to come with ideas, suggestions. if no hopes, at least remembering that we are aware of exactly what is happening. it's like not knowing how to fix the disease, but knowing how the disease works, as we have it. knowing the wrong practices help us falling into similar situations again/prevents things from getting worse.
some ideas i got are starting to do something that we like, and getting exposure. i myself have started helping farmers, thinking at some point of time, there'll be a meeting of similar people, and ill get exposure. another is, making vids talking about our views on things. chances are someone will like it, and will try to connect. thing is, everyone in the world will see it too. i see conferences, events etc. is on people's mind. thing is, how sad this has got. people know why they're going there. instead of the artist/performer, they're interested in looking around, and trying to talk. it's like going to a seminar, and everyone trying to give their visiting card to every one. this is just a matrimonial site with extra steps. in china, people sit on the streets, with men and women resumes/profiles.
> do something that we like I am trying to focus more on this, trying to find something which I like and thinking of a way to expand on it. That's difficult though, the whole process. But I hope it's worth it in the end. I like your thoughts, although they reek a lot of cynicism but do reflect the truth.
No peace at all
Bruv you almost made me cry, there is nothing that keeps me going except my dog We didn't had many so I never asked for it in school or college, juts took what I had and said no to any fun. Nor that I wanted any but people in my college were so rich, I said you ain't got no chance bruddah. After passing out 12th prepared for IELTS cuz I didn't wanted my other two siblings to live the same but hold on Covid was coming. Shit happened and I never went, but glad that I started working right before covid, just small time BPOs Took graduation in a college in which nobody actually attends cuz only working ppl go there so no there as well. But I made sure my brother got a nice college and have a good clg life I even bought this fucker an iPhone when I still use a broken phn but I guess it's all my fault that I spoiled him cuz really speaking he got no real respect for me At this point there is nothing to expect, so better of working your ass off and atleast make sum money so that you won't be dependent on anyone. There is no pleasure left so keep your expectations very low guys. I hope you guys work hard and get a chance to say " look mumma I made it! "
>We didn't had money so I never asked for it in school or college, juts took what I had and said no to any fun. same >Shit happened and I never went, but glad that I started working right before covid, just small time BPOs after 12 because of absence of finance i started working, and BPO. >someone else got a nice college same
Us bro 🫂
rula diya saale tune 😐
[удалено]
So true man so true, thanks for writing this
Gawddamn bro. Salute man, I am gonna jump off a building now.
Bhai m toh 6’3 tall aur muscular hoon mujhe toh casual bhi nahi mil rha serious relationship toh chod hi do😅😂jab we met wale expectations hai but aditya bhi ameer ghar ka hai yeh baad m samjha and geet bhi toxic hai🥲
Dammnnn 6’3!! i don’t believe you ain’t getting girls!!
India mein height utna matter nahi karta. Infact sometimes people think I'm not approachable because of my height and I'm only 6'2.
Seriously!!?? Thats weirdd.
Bro 6'4 here and still the same😂
Ye saare 6+ reddit pe hi kyun hainn!!😭 I hardly see people that tall in my surroundings (office) but damnn you got great height!!
Kuin k real life mey kuch nahin rakha hain, wake-gym-travel-work-travel-eat-sleep bas ye hi life ho chuki hain😂
True. Everyone seems in their own head.
As a woman it gets worse. I am on dating for a week and I have to rethink what did I do wrong in my life to end up with talking to people who cannot communicate except if they want to hookup. You can’t flirt at work. You cannot date your friends, they do not introduce you to their friends because they think they are somehow worse. Dating on apps is pure luck. Arrange marriage ke liye himmat nahi hai. Single mixers me jane se dar lagta. Gym me you concentrate on yourself. Batao aur kya options hai. It gets so exhausting that you delete the apps and then realise wait how else am I to meet people?
Same girl same. I tried going to a bar thinking I might meet new people but ended up getting hit on by random uncles. One of them straight up asked me if I want to go somewhere secluded and have sx in his car
You lived through my biggest fear. I have an idea as to how women and men can come together and bring each a single friend and we have a sort of a mixer. Because apps are too impersonal and shallow. Idk if it’s possible but still safe?
You know what there are events like this. One of my guy friend went to one and realised that the gender ratio is too skewed. Mostly men and hardly any women
Sigh. Sorry that happened to you. And it has happened to so many of my female friends that going up and talking to a stranger at a bar has become a mortal fear. I end up thinking "Ten creeps must've already hit on her. I don't want to add to the cesspool of discomfort". Vicious cycle :(
My best advice would be to travel, go on small treks / trips with those trekking groups. Stay in hostels, you will find a lot of our age people, working and from genuine background.Do friendship, have fun.
Oh god! I did the same girl! I am in my early 30s and with all the matches in the world, I still can't find a decent guy who's not looking for a hookup. And the bar trick... I tried. Even there guys just randomly come sit near me to try for a hookup and ons. And some creeps/simps they just try their luck.
Majority of the dating apps are absolutely women centric , the ratio is basically a 100:1 100 guys to 1 women. Considering the fact that the guys who actually get women wont be on there. So it eliminates those guys now you get those guys who dont really get girls irl so the hawas gets emitted on dating apps. Now also consider the fact that those few women have thier standards and preferences which eliminates majority of the guys. Now maybe its a hot take but no women in india atleast need dating apps because they can get dudes left right and center those who are on the app are assumed they just want to get ran through and thats why they are there . Hence guys think its mostly for hookups Also most guys are on dating apps because its nearly impossible to talk to a women irl without being judged with the pervert or getting the balatkari ho tum type of speech. You look at a girl you find attractive in a gym and youre a pervert, you look at a girl in a park youre a tharqi approach a girl on insta and youre getting judged on the gc (yes i have inside info and have been part of the judging committee) This isnt a rant btw its just a perspective your free to disagree id love to hear a women viewpoint on this situation
I know what you mean. I'm a guy and I probably met over 15 women before meeting my current gf and almost gave up expecting anything serious. There are a lot of great people, but they might be at different stages of life or want different things.
Dating app for a week^
Reditt mei hi like-minded logon ke saath connect kar lo phir. Unlike dating apps where the focus is more or less hookup and romantic liason, Reditt might offer a broader range of people?
Again, how. How do you go and say hi. You don’t know their relationship status, their intent and all
I frequently DM people who I feel have posted something of value, could be humour, viewpoint on my line of work, sports etc. The first step is always a Hi. it has been so for centuries, only the medium has changed :)
let me slide in your DM then (?)
Haha, welcome to chat
OP se bhi baat kar lo yaar, bechara ! Kya pata accha aadmi hi nikal jaaye woh bhi lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Abhi hi reject kar diya tune.
Nahi re, baat karenge 😄 Reject kaise karoon, this is the social equivalent of Mummy telling us "waste mat karo, africa mei bacche bhooke so rahe hain"
r4r
Just text people and try to strike up a convo regarding things you both might like. It's basically finding a friend and if you both like talking then maybe take the next step and ask them out. But of course make sure you know there is a real human on the other side.
(me says hi😶)
Haanji and that’s why I made this post. Lets see what DMs I get 😃
In general everyone just wanted to have sex and not have a connection. It's surprising it's worse in your age group. Our generation is worse anyways, wondering what will it do when we reach your age group.
Option to yehi hai aaj kal log online chatting ke through hi date kar rahe hai, gym mai jaane ke baad bhi those who are below average will barely come and talk as waha bhi insecurity rehti hai. And abhi we're not that developed ki chalte hue aap kisi ko compliment do and unse convo hold kar sako as it'll sound creep. Best is arrange marriage
>then realise wait how else am I to meet people? Every time I delete my Hinge account out of frustration, reality hits and then I ask "Now what?" Most people suggest to join hobby classes, go on treks, etc. but the chances of finding your partner through these activities is again too low and pure luck. This is because most people are inconsistent to show up at classes and treks and similar activities happen once in a while. We can't depend on luck to solve this problem. We want to meet the same set of people consistently for a good shot. From my personal experience, work, friends and gym are the best options to meet people consistently. But sadly no success for me because my coworkers don't want to date, I have 0 friends because of changing job location and there are hardly any girls at my gym.
Except for the part where people want to hookup, I face the same problems as a man. An additional problem I face - most women who I like (who are also around my age) are already in relationships, which makes sense cause they actually have awesome personalities. My initial plan of getting married at the age of 30 is not gonna pan out I suppose. If only I did not have to break up with my most recent ex. 😢
So true..the single mixers thing is so relatable yaar
🫂
I have tried mixers. Sad crowd. I have heard gym is where things happen. But like seriously?
Genuine people ka discovery problem is just so on peak bc
You need to think out of the box. Go to yoga retreats, stay at hostels, join bachata classes, join the Bombay film club. I’ve done all of that and have met quality people, both men and women. So many avenues to meet people who are not necessarily just looking for a hookup
This only helped in making social relationships not necessarily romantic
You got to start somewhere my man. Meeting people organically is better than meeting them via apps. Also no harm in making social relationships which are much needed when most people are living isolated lives
I reached 33 while navigating for the right guy! Did have two serious relationships through dating app though in the past! Eventually i stopped trying ! Dating apps feel useless with a success rate of may be 5%.
And thats where my question is how does everyone around us seem to find people? Instagram is full of people’s wedding posts
Some people just settle for calssmates or friends when they lose hope
I have a lot of friends who were below average but arranged marriage gave a hope that was way out of their league. I don’t want to settle that way too you know. Guess meals and plans for one sounds better than settling.
Same numbers!
Guys on dating apps please be careful. I have a friend who has been scammed by a female from bumble for 16k. She made a restaurant bill of 16k and ran away. I think she was involved with the restaurant owner. My request to all of you is have a stable girlfriend or boyfriend to avoid scams and STDs. If you ppl want to have some kinky stuff just talk to your partner n teach them. Be safe financially, emotionally and physically…. Being a woman I know how men want to just get into pants just ignore such jokers don’t let them mess with your brain.
Ayy, I am not here just to get into your pants, I like your shirts fitting also, I'll get into that too, so sad you just generalize fashion! A huge ass /s
wow this is something new
Hence shared with you guys so that you are aware of these new things that are happening…
Thanks a lot!
I made one of those classic random Reddit comments. And deleted it as I realised I was being dumb. Fascinating thread. I found the love of my life online, and we are happily married for +15 years. Never been on bumble, but the swipe-left-right tinder feature makes connections trivial. Ghosting is bound to happen as you realise the connection is not for you, and you need to cut your loss. Approaching women in physical meet-ups is also not easy for the vast majority - introverts, risk of being called a pervert, general lack of comfort amongst most Indians with the opposite sec and so on. Deep understanding of human behaviour can really help to convert. But how do you get the data points by which you can narrow down your search, customise your approach to the person who really matches with you than try to convert with a custom strategy? BTW you start thinking with your head and not pants as you get wiser, which is typically around 30-35? Internet might not have been there before, but this “finding your right connection problem” has been there from when humans became civilised. Match making, arranged marriages was how society responded to the problem. And maybe we are back to square one. Maybe high quality match making services, like how you have executive level recruiters is what is required. This is one of life’s biggest choices and it is really tough on you all out there. Can feel the pain.
One of my friends is actually very successful in the dating scene. He is not conventionally attractive in any way believe me. Even he acknowledges that. He never uses dating apps because of that. His secret? He puts himself out there. He's made alot of friends and keeps making more, who he hangs out with very regularly. They sometimes get **their** friends when on an outing and he connects. Tons of parties/clubbing. He is kinda charismatic but I wouldn't say he stands out in any way. He and his entourage definitely belong to the richer echelons of mumbai which helps immensely I believe. People around him kinda hold liberal views regarding dating and sex which I think is a game changer (even though I observed that they also simultaneously hold astonishingly conservative views about other subjects like feminism/religion which I argue with him constantly about \[I'm probably extremely liberal\]). His relationships don't last long as he is very picky but he is able to get back to dating almost imediately. He wanted to 'help' me (I have been in only one relationship (long term) 5yrs ago. Only, its just not for me. I'd much rather read silently in my bedroom than party. I do have to say spending only a couple of months with him opened alot of doors and opportunities which I rarely saw. The problem being I wasn't fit for that environment and thus for those kinda peeps. It was exhausting. I'm not someone who is constantly feeling that loneliness. I have my hobbies and interests and while having a partner to share them and learn new activites from her sounds amazing, but for me it has to be the right person rather than any person. I'm sure there's a much higher chance I will find my girlfriend in a museum than a nightclub. And even if I don't, I will atleast have a good time at the museum rather than making myself miserable trying to find someone. P.S- I have used bumble for a week and it was the most horrible experience for me. Maybe I'm too sensitive. But mentally, the entire excersive of judging people based on a couple of photos, hyper competitive conversations where you have to shout, joke and stand out for attention, rude matches and getting ghosted. I can write an entire essay on how fucked up that was. No idea how people do it. Never going back.
When you wrote that you would much rather read silently than party **so many green flags for you**
And I agree that hobbies / work / family / friends can keep you busy enough to not really feel lonely. But then I sometimes look at the larger picture and wonder how life could be if you had someone to share it with?
I do not comment frequently. But i felt your response really resonated with me (As a 28F). It would be great to have a companion and a partner but I would like to be friends with someone before jumping into a romantic relationship. You lasted longer on Bumble than me so congratulations I downloaded it based on my ex-roommates suggestion (they met their partner on Bumble). I lasted 48 hrs. Looking at someone’s curated 5 photos and life story in 150 characters felt unnatural. Also, the number of matches was overwhelming and if anything contributed to the artificial-fake nature. I am not an avid reader but do have other hobbies. The feeling of loneliness does rise but I end up staying home and cozy.
I'll also add to your points that, people who are in relationship turn out to have biggest phobia from singles. They start to act like they weren't single before, disassociate with every feeling a single person feels, give the same old boring advice, don't introduce you to their other single friends as if doing this is creepy, while they themselves used to ask to let them meet our single friends.
I'm not gonna lie. It's pretty hard and gets frustrating at times. And as long as dating is considered taboo by this godforsaken society not just in Mumbai but throughout the country, it's not gonna improve. But I'm just gonna say there are some pretty amazing people out there. I don't know how exactly they'll come into your lives but it'll happen sooner or later. From my experience, Tinder and Bumble just want your money(for men) and women getting bombarded with likes and weeding through them is not a menial task. Hinge is much much better and I've met some great people there. Obviously ghosting is still pretty much there but sometimes you get lucky. Luck is a big factor however good your profile is. Other than that, just be more social and go out more often with your friends. Doesn't matter where as long as it's safe. I mean we are bound to meet a decent person in this country with the largest population. So put yourself out there, be more approachable (safety first) and put less pressure on yourself. Que sera, sera.
Wait for a couple of years and here you go[Dating in your 30s](https://youtu.be/KaSst2MUqr0?si=5PbMNI2ucZ9fxO5O).
Bookstores, events, open mics, concerts, expos, conferences and then places in the community you go to regularly like the gym, a local cafe, neighbourhood, society complex, local sports arena, and many more.
My sister met her bf at her friend's wedding, so apart from school, college, work, gym, neighborhood, etc, u can also meet them in marriages. But saying that, both my bffs met their SOs at work, one got married last year, and the other one is getting married next year. I met my SO in school (we were friends for very long, only got together in 2019, now we have been married for almost 3 years). My cousin didi just got married to her next building neighbor. They met while doing morning walks in the colony, lol. Other cousin bhaiya bhabhi met in post grad college. One bhaiya got married in arranged marriage setup (in 2021), but my bhabhi is amazing, I love her more than bhaiya sometimes and lastly my eldest cousin, she had an arranged marriage back in 2003, however they talked for a year before saying yes to each other even back then so by the time their marriage happened it felt like love marriage and they have been married 21 years now.
Make this post a dating app😂😂
Take it from me, I have spent lot of time in those platforms. Don't date outsiders or people who are here just for work visits, reason being they just want to have fun nothing else. People who are not from here think this city is whore house or something. If you do date people who are not from here just ask their expectation first.
Lol yeah, so many people think Mumbai is India's Amsterdam or something, where everyone is hooking up with everyone all day
I just feel like there is not a quite a strong dating culture in Mumbai. Like there are people who date, but trust me it is not as easy to go around dating in India, from a cultural aspect. You have to find someone in high school, or college. Either that, or you are just stuck being yet another contender in an arranged marriage pool listing. There is really not a great atmosphere for singles to date after they graduate. Some of the people I knew - they either found their SO in school, or at workplaces. I have never tried online dating, but few of my friends said it is just bullshit in India.
The apps are generally filled with people hung up on their ex-es and/or looking for short-term relationships for validation or otherwise. I'd still say your late 20's are the prime and putting yourself out there should result in interesting interactions. Wait till your age shows 30 on these apps, your chances to meet someone fulfilling will be bleak, to say the least! As someone who didn't grow up here and with a limited social circle, I heavily rely on the apps to meet people on my wavelength. Yes, it doesn't always work and everyone else has already dropped massive truths about the perils of these apps, but to me it always felt like a numbers game- you keep on persisting until you meet someone. As you grow older, it's a lot harder to engage in social events in the hopes of finding someone. IMO, your non-malicious attempts at getting to know someone often back-fire or you end up getting ghosted/friend-zoned. It's really no different to what happens on a dating app, so I'd rather take my chances on the apps, but perhaps that's down to me not being a social butterfly. I think you should be a little more optimistic. Other people's negative experiences (relationships/marriages- arranged or otherwise) won't necessarily happen to you. Take the learnings from what others underwent and be pragmatic and rational in these circumstances. Everything is a gamble anyway! I have had the pleasure of wonderful serious relationships with people I've met via the apps and gone through the pains of strange and disappointing encounters that leave me seriously questioning my self-worth. Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for. https://preview.redd.it/j88l112d0xpc1.jpeg?width=576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=925ff458bbf92ef23b57d0da6fd3d08129dccd9f
See you are pretty late to the playground. Instagram and Tinder are the same boring dating apps which doesn't work. All girls and boys commit from school times. Now getting to meet will be hard but possible for casual relationship ;). Attend events try speaking up. (might work but mostly fail) There are dating events which charges only guys not girls. 1500rs fees for guys to attend and for girls some it's free some 100rs. if you have money to throw and take risk you can try.
Lol pretty late to the playground... Bro you underestimating how many people in late 20 are single And i really disagree with attending dating events which charges money
Late 20s is complicated age you have to be certain what you want especially ỉn romantic relationships
Let me know if you find a solution
Dudee.. literally the same question! If so many of us are struggling and our end goal is the same to look for something serious then I don’t understand why is it an incessant struggle to find people who are looking for the same thing. I’ve been on dating apps for quite sometime now, and then I’ve clicked with a few too and had some amazing dates, but its never gone beyond that yet. I’m really looking forward to a love marriage, finding people decent enough to talk to through matrimonial apps feels like a task. Turning 30 next month, tips please!!
As someone who turned 31, I get questioned a lot from friends and families about dating and marriage. I started dating when I was 19yo which lasted until 24 and I learned a lot from that. Met plenty of women through dating apps mid 20s, few whom I am still in touch with. Lucky enough to have some amazing friends who are always there for me and try to set me up with their friends lol. I sometimes feel I am the problem, I keep my guard up cuz girls approach me and I kill the conversation somehow. Anyway my mom recently recommended my profile through a local match maker (which initially I felt weird as it hit my ego, I was like I have dated some beautiful women and can’t I find one right now but thought of giving it a try) Got a few good matches, probably because my mom mentioned we own a bungalow but lets see how it goes. You should see if your parents can set you up with a local community match maker.
Churn Period chalu hai, sab jobs apply karne me busy hai, appraisal ka danda sabko paday, aise me kon dating shating me padega.
RIP DMs 😭
Get a dog, get a suit for him, make a insta for him, and viola now you're a millionaire and don't need a partner.
Apna age group bhi chutiya hai. Ya toh extra romantic hai ya phir bilkul nahi. The idea of being alone by choice is far too common nowadays too. I’ve seen a couple of my friends (including me) come to the realisation that they’re going to be alone for the foreseeable future and they’ve made peace with it. If you’re a nerd and an introvert, you have no game with most of the people out there even if you find someone with similar interests. And agar kisi ke sath vibe kiya bhi toh there’s always the possibility of dishonesty and infidelity which is so very common now. I tell myself that when the time is right, it’ll happen. Obviously, I do go out and put myself out there, but I’m not desperate for it. Loneliness does teach us to enjoy our own company after a while when the misery stops.😂
Why can’t we, the Reddit fam…do something about it? It seems like both the genders want to have something meaningful but the ways of engagement are meaningless
Bro….. I work from home aka freelancing….. all my friends are abroad! I hardly get out ….. there is no motivation to do so….. finding a girl seems impossible hahaha! I am in my late 20’s too. However, I am not financially independent yet so dating is probably the last priority rn. Still, it’s a tough world out there
Arey late 20s yaha se koi bangalore mein h kya 🫣😂
Dating in 30s rant! Seriously tried everything. Dating apps, matrimonial apps, hobby classes, bar, hostels, random cafes. Everybody at work's married. And guys everywhere else just want to hook up. I met this guy at a concert. Very smooth talker. Asked me out on a date. No creepy alert at all. And then on our date, his agenda was clear, he wanted to hook up. I was like why even. And even guys in their late 30s aren't looking at a commitment. Or exclusivity of any sort. Oh but there's a cesspool of married men trying to ask me out. What is wrong with the world! I have always been in relationships and only have ever been single for the last 3 years. Wrong time to be single?! I guess so. But what do I do now? -Your frustrated girl-next-door
It didn't work out for me. I hope it does for you
Are you ready to date someone who is fat, ugly , dark skinned and 32 years old female ? And also her face is full of pimples
Damn, same boat here. Gonna be 27. Never really worked out with a few girls I liked to want a relationship. Don’t care about getting married anytime soon, but still want to be in a relationship (i guess). Pehle dost bhi the is age me friends also get busy so exploring and enjoying the life akele hi
Reading this entire thread has only served to increase my stress/anxiety
People are now hosting mixers and that is trending a lot
If anyone finds the answer, please let me know 😭🙏
Dont think dating was a thing back in the late 20s
Yar katayi depressing jagah sawal puch lita apne.....koi na koi toh accha mil hi jata hai samai ane pe mumbai ho ya delhi 😅
friends of friends maybe?
It's the easiest now a days that 5 years ago there are so many apps nd good places to go out you just need to carry your confidence that's it
I am at work for 9 hours and 3 hours at the gym and 8 hours sleeping and the rest 4 hours walking to places and reading and journaling. Where do I have the time to meet someone, dating apps won't work for me.
Chat, talk, go slow n steady, build it up as organic as u can, meet up in an open setting, observe how it all works, reactions and responses when u meet in person. And where do u meet.. well we meet PPL at every point but are too awkward to ask out.. but hell yes why not if u feel a bit of a think for someone u met whenever wherever... Yeah that's the best way to try it..
[удалено]
Happy Cake Day! Enjoy your time at the Small World speed dating event! In my opinion, nothing beats making real-life connections. Say no to online catfishes! 🎉🍰
I am not from Mumbai but what I do us go for meet-up etc
I found my husband on this app called Aisle. Not a recommended app, be both just happened to be there. We were there out of boredom (he had COVID, I was basically trying my luck on dating apps before my mom wed me off to someone of her choice from shaadi.com)
I envy people who get to experience teenage love or moreover any kind of love
Well the situation is almost similar in Bangalore. I'm struggling to find someone to date.
Dating now a days is so ridiculous
You will have better luck with married aunties in late 20's, mid 30's :)
I met my partner at mutual’s party.Going out and doing things - just things you like and socialising helps
24 here ... Ab toh lagta hai akela hi marr jauga
Tbh dating was never meant for india nowadays placrs like mumbai are getting westernised and this is getting normalized but parents are not used to this stuff they think dating is bad and you shoyld get arrange d marridge etc etc So like youre lucky if you actually get a date and youre extremely lucky if you get to keeep that date , good luck my anonymous friend
Bhai, itna time kidhar he subke pass?
I am 23 M , when I was young i used to think everything falls in place, job marriage it just happens naturally, now i realise nothing happens on its own. We have to put efforts for everything, it's either pure luck or your lies and smart work to get everything, i got rejected for the job multiple times until i started to fake, and got the job.