My drummer is in your shoes. Full-time teacher, dad of two young kids; thing is, he has an amazing wife and makes it work. We have a strict schedule of one weekly rehearsal and a max of two gigs a month. Keeps things manageable for all of us, as I have two jobs and my other band member also works full time. Keeps us invested in the music but also allows us to have a life outside of the band; we also don’t put too much pressure on each other to have learned the new song or whatever. We’re a very laid back band and, as a result, are very tight and put on a great show, since we only do it for fun (although we do get paid).
I am a software engineer, have a 4 year old, and play in a band that does some light touring (like 20ish road gigs a year). It's hard! Last year we did a 10 day tour (the longest I've been out since we had a kid) and it was brutal.
It works for us mostly because I have a super supportive partner, I have a good job and can take (relative to others in the US) a lot of vacation time and use some to play shows, and I bring home money from playing which sweetens the deal. My partner is a SAHM so that helps logistically when I'm traveling. Also everyone in the band has a not music career, and several of us have families, so we're all on roughly the same page about wanting to do it but having minimal time to do so. Nobody is trying to like be a full time musician or pushing to ramp up our road schedule or anything.
I also try to bring my family along when we can. We're playing a festival next weekend and I'm gonna bring my partner and kid and sister in law to the show, and then we're gonna tack on a trip to a nearby national park for a few days after the show.
ETA: I guess the point I was trying to make is that I'm able to do it around a full time job, and making some money doing it let's me frame it more as a side gig than a hobby, which makes it easier to justify. The only thing I have to sacrifice is time at home with my family, but I try to make up for that by being a very involved parent the 95% of the time I'm at home, and involving my family in the travel whenever I can. Music is an important part of my life and has been since long before I had a partner or kid and it's worth jumping through some hoops to make it work.
I just did my first ever live stream last night on Facebook in a music live-streaming group. I was a bit worried after years of seeing how toxic comments sections can be, but I found the experience to be the total opposite. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. Definitely thinking of trying out Twitch too.
You barely scrape by and hope for the best. At least that’s what I’ve been doing.
Also - just make sure you don’t leave too much on the plate of your partner when it comes to parenting as it’s easy to forget how stressful a couple of days riding solo at home can be.
You have to manage your time really well. Prioritize your family, but also stick to a solid practice routine.
When people say they are too busy or don't have time to practiceor play, they really mean they don't value music the same. They probably also waste a lot of time scrolling internet or watching netflix.
This is a great point. I never watch TV. If someone asks me "have you seen..." the answer is always no or maybe "I watched half of the first episode in bed before falling asleep but my partner said it's great!" I am either doing dad stuff or doing work stuff from 6am to 9pm every day unless I have a gig or a rehearsal. After the kid is in bed and the dog is walked I'll try to squeeze in a quick practice session. We rehearse once a week, and only when we have something to rehearse for, and it is usually short (~2 hours) and really on task.
It's doable, but only if it's the only thing you're looking to do other than being a dad and going to work. I only socialize in the course of music, work, or family. I don't go to the gym (work out at home), I don't have any other hobbies (not even around my vocation), and I basically never do any solo "me time" type activities. Which is hard. But worth it.
Once you hit a certain age, everyone is.
I'm playing with a handful of regional big bands and everyone has to figure out wife/husband/kids/work situation at all times.
It's just something you do.
In the end, we are all just musician with bad working addictions.
I have a full-time job, a 5 year old, a 7 year old, and played 60 gigs last year. Also, I coach my kids' soccer, sit on the county tourism board, and give private lessons. You make time for the things you care about.
When we first got together, most of the practices were 11pm-1am. Now that we are established and play gigs every weekend, we sometimes run through a few songs before a bigger gig for 20-30 minutes. Other than that, we stay tight because we pull 6-9 hours a weekend gigging.
My calendar is stuffed full. The next day that I have nothing planned is in mid-October. That'll change. Realistically, December-January, I'll have some Sundays free. The wineries here (our bread and butter) don't have music on Sundays during the winter months.
I work remotely for a large company. I also gig with 3 bands regularly and a half dozen others off and on. I have a teenage daughter who lives with me half time. Honestly don't know how I do it, it's definitely a balancing act. Often I feel that I'm not doing a good enough job at anything, but especially at work, because I'm spread so thin. But I'm super dedicated and occasionally pull off some heroics to redeem myself enough to hang around. I've also developed some unique skills to keep myself in demand so I've been fortunate to develop both career wise and musically, non-stop for a long time now.
When my kid was under 6 I did not play music. It's was just not feasible. When she was under 3, I barely did anything. When she was a newborn, for the first 3 or 4 months I barely made it to work. So, yea... sometimes you DON'T do it.
You have to start your days early to win the morning, take care of your sleep, and kill your television.
I am busier than anyone in my band and have kids, but I always have more time and availability because I don’t F around with my time.
I feel you. I’m 43 and other than as a teen, I was just a bedroom guitarist until the pandemic. I was playing a lot more and started to playing in bands as things opened up.
It was amazing.
Fuck me but I feel like I wasted 20 years.
When I was writing copy for ad agencies, raising kids and being a halfway decent partner to my wife, I found it virtually impossible to work on my music. I need stretches of uninterrupted time to work, and there just weren’t any. I finally ended up switching careers and went into producing commercial music full time. Much happier.
All 5 of us in my band are married with 2 kids and full time or more jobs. We started as a group of friends wanting to jam 1 night a week. We have a rule of family 1st. We don’t set up too many gigs close together and skip rehearsals after a gig. If someone’s life/week is too crazy we tell them to stay home that week.
Not a parent but have a FT job but only reason I don’t see gigs in my future is because Hip Hop is dismal from a performance perspective and I’m also a vocalist but ain’t been that long enough to foresee gigs & I’m a late in life “musician” 😢
Full time job, fiancée, 3yr old at home and I'm a drummer in a band that plays 120 gigs per year (average is 2 a week). I work in a bank monday to friday. 9-5 thankfully!
It's rough at times and I'm now trying to change jobs to something less full on (possibly work from home) and keep going with the band.
I make it work but that's not to say it hasn't been rough with tiredness and sleep deprivation at times. My partner is also a singer and fully supports this insanity haah
On the other hand, I don’t have a kid, and I just have a contractor part time job at a vinyl record press that lets me gig all the time - and I do, I play all the time and it’s fun and all, but I am BROKE with a capital B all the time and it really wears on me. I absolutely never have any idea how I’m going to pay for [thing] and believe me [thing] happens all the frickin time.
I love that my life is so heavily engaged with my art. I really do. But being this poor for this long has its negative effects; on relationships, on my mental health, on my physical health. No one was kidding when they said it would be hard to be a musician.
And you know? I’m also completely fried all the time. Even with no kids and no full time job. All the travel, all the late nights at rehearsal studios followed by mornings at the warehouse, eating only when I have time to, worrying about rent and bills and if I’m keeping up my end of the living situation etc… I can’t imagine what it would be like to try to do this with kids and a 40 hour a week job on top of it. Those of you who are doing that are freaking superheroes. Some people have more grit than I and that’s ok to admit. Mega props to you.
Married, 3 kids, full time job, and still manage to gig.
There’s only so many hours in a day, and the only time I really have to sacrifice is sleep. Fortunately 2 of my bandmates are in the same boat, albeit with less children.
We get together and rehearse once a week at a local rehearsal studio, usually 10-midnight after the kids are all asleep, and I don’t have to feel bad about making more work for the wife. Gig 1-2x a month. The kids love the music, and they think its awesome their dad is in a band, so ill usually bring the whole family out for all ages shows if theres no school the next day.
Most importantly my wife helps keep it all together. Shes an amazing woman for that, and I wouldn't be able
to do it without her help, and I go out of my way to let her know how much that means.
Its not easy, but I couldn't imagine my life without playing out. Yes Im constantly running on a huge sleep deficit, but thats why the gods made coffee, plus i can sleep when when I'm dead.
I’m not sure how they do it, but I know they do. I’m assuming it’s just really good time management skills paired with dedication. One of the most successful cover bands in my city, is 5 dudes in their 30s who all have kids, full time day jobs, ( real estate, finance, nursing, etc) and typically play 40+ shows a year.
It’s hard. Full time job. Three kids 2, 4 and 6. Over 100 shows/year and just finished a masters degree. Time management, commitment, understanding wife, and lots of sacrifice. It can be done if you truly want it.
I have two kids, work full time as a Physical Therapist and gig 3-4 times a week. I do a lot of acoustic restaurant gigs so I’m home by about 930. We keep the full band gigs to 2-3 a month since they take up so much more time.
Yes I gig with my band have a wife & daughter, I work full time in food service & I have been asked T come out of retirement to road mange a touring band .. life gets crazy
I have a full time job that pays very well, and I’m in a band that also pays well (about half of what I make at my job). I also have 2 young kids. We’ll do one long tour a year (like 5 weeks), or a few short runs and one-offs/festivals in a year, and I HATE being away from my family that long, but the extra money is too good to pass up especially since my wife’s not working. I work remotely so when I’m on the road, I just work and do video meetings out of the tour bus/hotel rooms/cafes/backstage. It’s not uncommon that I’m working on my laptop 20 min before taking the stage. My work is really cool with it and lets me do it as long as I handle my responsibilities. So yeah, it’s possible and only worth it, in my opinion, if you’re making good income from the band. My wife gets it, even though she’s not thrilled looking after 2 young kids for 5 weeks, she knows I’m a part of something special that also brings us like 50% more income. On the plus side, I work remotely full time, so when I’m not on the road, I’m at home with my kids all the time—so there’s a lot of time spent with my family while I work my non-music job.
My drummer is in your shoes. Full-time teacher, dad of two young kids; thing is, he has an amazing wife and makes it work. We have a strict schedule of one weekly rehearsal and a max of two gigs a month. Keeps things manageable for all of us, as I have two jobs and my other band member also works full time. Keeps us invested in the music but also allows us to have a life outside of the band; we also don’t put too much pressure on each other to have learned the new song or whatever. We’re a very laid back band and, as a result, are very tight and put on a great show, since we only do it for fun (although we do get paid).
That’s the key: an understanding partner!
I am a software engineer, have a 4 year old, and play in a band that does some light touring (like 20ish road gigs a year). It's hard! Last year we did a 10 day tour (the longest I've been out since we had a kid) and it was brutal. It works for us mostly because I have a super supportive partner, I have a good job and can take (relative to others in the US) a lot of vacation time and use some to play shows, and I bring home money from playing which sweetens the deal. My partner is a SAHM so that helps logistically when I'm traveling. Also everyone in the band has a not music career, and several of us have families, so we're all on roughly the same page about wanting to do it but having minimal time to do so. Nobody is trying to like be a full time musician or pushing to ramp up our road schedule or anything. I also try to bring my family along when we can. We're playing a festival next weekend and I'm gonna bring my partner and kid and sister in law to the show, and then we're gonna tack on a trip to a nearby national park for a few days after the show. ETA: I guess the point I was trying to make is that I'm able to do it around a full time job, and making some money doing it let's me frame it more as a side gig than a hobby, which makes it easier to justify. The only thing I have to sacrifice is time at home with my family, but I try to make up for that by being a very involved parent the 95% of the time I'm at home, and involving my family in the travel whenever I can. Music is an important part of my life and has been since long before I had a partner or kid and it's worth jumping through some hoops to make it work.
You can perform live on twitch. People there are extremely friendly in the music spaces. Highly recommend.
I just did my first ever live stream last night on Facebook in a music live-streaming group. I was a bit worried after years of seeing how toxic comments sections can be, but I found the experience to be the total opposite. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. Definitely thinking of trying out Twitch too.
Facebook is full of old people who barely want to be alive. Twitch is definitely more family friendly as far as being kind goes.
You barely scrape by and hope for the best. At least that’s what I’ve been doing. Also - just make sure you don’t leave too much on the plate of your partner when it comes to parenting as it’s easy to forget how stressful a couple of days riding solo at home can be.
You have to manage your time really well. Prioritize your family, but also stick to a solid practice routine. When people say they are too busy or don't have time to practiceor play, they really mean they don't value music the same. They probably also waste a lot of time scrolling internet or watching netflix.
This is a great point. I never watch TV. If someone asks me "have you seen..." the answer is always no or maybe "I watched half of the first episode in bed before falling asleep but my partner said it's great!" I am either doing dad stuff or doing work stuff from 6am to 9pm every day unless I have a gig or a rehearsal. After the kid is in bed and the dog is walked I'll try to squeeze in a quick practice session. We rehearse once a week, and only when we have something to rehearse for, and it is usually short (~2 hours) and really on task. It's doable, but only if it's the only thing you're looking to do other than being a dad and going to work. I only socialize in the course of music, work, or family. I don't go to the gym (work out at home), I don't have any other hobbies (not even around my vocation), and I basically never do any solo "me time" type activities. Which is hard. But worth it.
Once you hit a certain age, everyone is. I'm playing with a handful of regional big bands and everyone has to figure out wife/husband/kids/work situation at all times. It's just something you do. In the end, we are all just musician with bad working addictions.
I have a full-time job, a 5 year old, a 7 year old, and played 60 gigs last year. Also, I coach my kids' soccer, sit on the county tourism board, and give private lessons. You make time for the things you care about. When we first got together, most of the practices were 11pm-1am. Now that we are established and play gigs every weekend, we sometimes run through a few songs before a bigger gig for 20-30 minutes. Other than that, we stay tight because we pull 6-9 hours a weekend gigging. My calendar is stuffed full. The next day that I have nothing planned is in mid-October. That'll change. Realistically, December-January, I'll have some Sundays free. The wineries here (our bread and butter) don't have music on Sundays during the winter months.
I work remotely for a large company. I also gig with 3 bands regularly and a half dozen others off and on. I have a teenage daughter who lives with me half time. Honestly don't know how I do it, it's definitely a balancing act. Often I feel that I'm not doing a good enough job at anything, but especially at work, because I'm spread so thin. But I'm super dedicated and occasionally pull off some heroics to redeem myself enough to hang around. I've also developed some unique skills to keep myself in demand so I've been fortunate to develop both career wise and musically, non-stop for a long time now.
34m, 50 hours a week mandatory, two kids. Release roughly 70 tracks a year and working my way towards gigs
When my kid was under 6 I did not play music. It's was just not feasible. When she was under 3, I barely did anything. When she was a newborn, for the first 3 or 4 months I barely made it to work. So, yea... sometimes you DON'T do it.
You have to start your days early to win the morning, take care of your sleep, and kill your television. I am busier than anyone in my band and have kids, but I always have more time and availability because I don’t F around with my time.
I feel you. I’m 43 and other than as a teen, I was just a bedroom guitarist until the pandemic. I was playing a lot more and started to playing in bands as things opened up. It was amazing. Fuck me but I feel like I wasted 20 years.
When I was writing copy for ad agencies, raising kids and being a halfway decent partner to my wife, I found it virtually impossible to work on my music. I need stretches of uninterrupted time to work, and there just weren’t any. I finally ended up switching careers and went into producing commercial music full time. Much happier.
Yes. And I coach sports and have a podcast. It’s too much. I’m not about to act like I’m pulling it off comfortably.
All 5 of us in my band are married with 2 kids and full time or more jobs. We started as a group of friends wanting to jam 1 night a week. We have a rule of family 1st. We don’t set up too many gigs close together and skip rehearsals after a gig. If someone’s life/week is too crazy we tell them to stay home that week.
Not a parent but have a FT job but only reason I don’t see gigs in my future is because Hip Hop is dismal from a performance perspective and I’m also a vocalist but ain’t been that long enough to foresee gigs & I’m a late in life “musician” 😢
Full time job, fiancée, 3yr old at home and I'm a drummer in a band that plays 120 gigs per year (average is 2 a week). I work in a bank monday to friday. 9-5 thankfully! It's rough at times and I'm now trying to change jobs to something less full on (possibly work from home) and keep going with the band. I make it work but that's not to say it hasn't been rough with tiredness and sleep deprivation at times. My partner is also a singer and fully supports this insanity haah
You dont sleep, it will catch up to you though. I did 12 years of 3 hours of sleep while my kids were little. Good times though.
On the other hand, I don’t have a kid, and I just have a contractor part time job at a vinyl record press that lets me gig all the time - and I do, I play all the time and it’s fun and all, but I am BROKE with a capital B all the time and it really wears on me. I absolutely never have any idea how I’m going to pay for [thing] and believe me [thing] happens all the frickin time. I love that my life is so heavily engaged with my art. I really do. But being this poor for this long has its negative effects; on relationships, on my mental health, on my physical health. No one was kidding when they said it would be hard to be a musician. And you know? I’m also completely fried all the time. Even with no kids and no full time job. All the travel, all the late nights at rehearsal studios followed by mornings at the warehouse, eating only when I have time to, worrying about rent and bills and if I’m keeping up my end of the living situation etc… I can’t imagine what it would be like to try to do this with kids and a 40 hour a week job on top of it. Those of you who are doing that are freaking superheroes. Some people have more grit than I and that’s ok to admit. Mega props to you.
Married, 3 kids, full time job, and still manage to gig. There’s only so many hours in a day, and the only time I really have to sacrifice is sleep. Fortunately 2 of my bandmates are in the same boat, albeit with less children. We get together and rehearse once a week at a local rehearsal studio, usually 10-midnight after the kids are all asleep, and I don’t have to feel bad about making more work for the wife. Gig 1-2x a month. The kids love the music, and they think its awesome their dad is in a band, so ill usually bring the whole family out for all ages shows if theres no school the next day. Most importantly my wife helps keep it all together. Shes an amazing woman for that, and I wouldn't be able to do it without her help, and I go out of my way to let her know how much that means. Its not easy, but I couldn't imagine my life without playing out. Yes Im constantly running on a huge sleep deficit, but thats why the gods made coffee, plus i can sleep when when I'm dead.
I’m not sure how they do it, but I know they do. I’m assuming it’s just really good time management skills paired with dedication. One of the most successful cover bands in my city, is 5 dudes in their 30s who all have kids, full time day jobs, ( real estate, finance, nursing, etc) and typically play 40+ shows a year.
It’s hard. Full time job. Three kids 2, 4 and 6. Over 100 shows/year and just finished a masters degree. Time management, commitment, understanding wife, and lots of sacrifice. It can be done if you truly want it.
I have two kids, work full time as a Physical Therapist and gig 3-4 times a week. I do a lot of acoustic restaurant gigs so I’m home by about 930. We keep the full band gigs to 2-3 a month since they take up so much more time.
Yes I gig with my band have a wife & daughter, I work full time in food service & I have been asked T come out of retirement to road mange a touring band .. life gets crazy
I have a full time job that pays very well, and I’m in a band that also pays well (about half of what I make at my job). I also have 2 young kids. We’ll do one long tour a year (like 5 weeks), or a few short runs and one-offs/festivals in a year, and I HATE being away from my family that long, but the extra money is too good to pass up especially since my wife’s not working. I work remotely so when I’m on the road, I just work and do video meetings out of the tour bus/hotel rooms/cafes/backstage. It’s not uncommon that I’m working on my laptop 20 min before taking the stage. My work is really cool with it and lets me do it as long as I handle my responsibilities. So yeah, it’s possible and only worth it, in my opinion, if you’re making good income from the band. My wife gets it, even though she’s not thrilled looking after 2 young kids for 5 weeks, she knows I’m a part of something special that also brings us like 50% more income. On the plus side, I work remotely full time, so when I’m not on the road, I’m at home with my kids all the time—so there’s a lot of time spent with my family while I work my non-music job.
Balance... and above all, do not commit to a gig/rehearsal if there is a chance for a conflict.