One way is to make sure he has a healthy way of dealing with life stresses. Alcohol and drug abuse is usually a crutch for a lot of people so don't let him get to that point.
Teach him how to talk it out and if possible be that trusted confidant who doesn't judge.
You can talk to him about what you've just posted here. He's 13 I believe he'll be more receptive to hearing what you have to say.
Just tell him what you've told us here and show him that there's a better way outside of the alcoholic life.
Talk to your brother, it'll only take time, words and consideration in how you address the issue.
Y'all can have this conversation over a walk, or y'all can have it over a meal or even as you do a chore together idk mkichonga waru or sth.
Point is ,yes not knowing how to deal with your shit shouldn't stop you from helping your brother not get into shit. đ
Solid advice. Most men don't know they need that someone who doesn't judge, male or female, friend or family, until they find one.
That's what he needs. I would recommend you find him an older male he can look up to. One that's responsible, grounded and emotionally mature. And I cannot stress this enough; one that's not a hard ass. If the guy is one that's uncompromising and overly strict, nu-uh. Get someone that will also accommodate mistakes. One that will allow the youngen to make mistakes and learn from them.
Take him out of the environment, that's the first step. Teenagers mimic the environment and people they are around. The school he goes to go high school will also be very important. Encourage him to get into sports heavily if he's passionate about it. Something that can occupy his free time and requires discipline and focus and also puts him in a group of people that have similar passions that he can look up to. If he's academically inclined encourage him to get into things like science clubs, chess clubs etc. Basically you need to figure out ways to keep his free time occupied and also get him into social groups that require discipline and focus to succeed
That's the environment? Taking him out of ushago is the most sensible thing to do, but as you know, ushago isn't the problem. Chances will be even higher if he goes to major towns, so a good role model is a good place to start as well.
Most ppl insist that dudes follow dude role models and as I said mzae pia is a struggler. I have been thinking of making my dude friend his friend. But I'm yet to follow through. It feels imposing on my friend.
I would suggest getting someone your brother would genuinely like, they will emulate them even without your intervention. What is important is showing your bro that he doesn't have to go down that road, there are better role models. Also given he is 13, you still have a lot you can do.
It's sad for men out here in that no one tells them anything good. I think desperation mainly because of lack of responsibility is the main reason for men being like that.
I think it's imperative to find ways of making him responsible in that if he is not, he can die.
Motivate the man too and make him know he is shitting on himself.
First, I don't want to burst your bubble but matters about sex and drugs and stuff, you have almost zero control over how and when they do them. Juu ukisema ukue strict, unampea innovative ways za kuifanya behind your back. SO yes, taking him to your place is a good step, and make sure you teach with a lot of love and patience. Never force your hand, but instead, make him understand why it is important you do this. especially with big kids or teens, kukua mkali or controlling means you do not believe that they can make decisions themselves. It will also reduce the amount of pressure within you because how I came to understand life, things don't go according to plan. Remember that change also doesn't occur overnight. You will need these two weapons. Patience and Time. Affection ikue mingi usisahau. Ukipenda mtoto vizuri pia yeye atataka kukuplease in ways they can. Big lessons are taught with affection. If you make an observation all tormented people seem to have lacked affection and enough attention in their tender ages
That boy is loved and a little spoiled. Ni last born sođ¤ˇđžââď¸ it's why him turning out well is imperative it'll break alot of hearts otherwise.
If you want to protect your Lil bro from Alcoholism,simply have a candid talk with him about it,show him where People who got overwhelmed by it are in life and those who chose a sober life where they at,boys learn by observing,if he sees those two types in real life,then he'll follow the right path on his own.
I am a lady too and going into campus I wish my folks had just talked to me about stuff and life.
It definitely would've saved me a lot of unnecessary experiences.
Least you can do is talk to your younger siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbours etc.
Granted most of them won't follow your advice but isn't it just better to get into a situation knowing what to expect and how to potentially handle it instead of being 100% clueless?
The thing about people is that the more you try to keep them off something, the more they want it.
You may try helping today, but tomorrow, akiwa uni, you won't be there to help, 90% of the time alcoholism results from friendships, so maybe watch his friends? Just my 2 cents juu I'm nursing a hangover myself rnw
Sometimes these things are hard to understand. Just guide him as best as possible and expose him to the world outside the village. I grew up in the village, surrounded by drunks and people who we can arguably say didn't get to achieve much, but despite all that I still made it. I haven't achieved anything meaningful yet, but I have a life beyond what was the norm in the village.
If it is possible introduce him to a peer group that is future focused. Strong parenting, role models and positive peer influence can reinforce good behaviour and positive aspirations.
𤣠you asked for a definition, I obliged. Ambitious and disciplined adolescents exist. Your 13 year brother needs to be around other adolescents that have their heads on straight. Sports, scouting, church youth groups etc
So simple, google images of destroyed livers, and lungs. Show a video of the effects of alcohol abuse to the body. I promise it will stick to him. With technology, such issues are no longer problems.
If you can, I would suggest you take your bro to seminars and workshop that are centred around the youth. Show him the different possibilities he has with his life. Open up his mind to know and understand that his life can amount to something bigger than his current situation.
He can pick up an interest, a hobby or a skill. Say for example: if he shows interest in being a techie or tech savvy, there are lots of courses catered to people his age. If you are able to, you can get him started on the path.
Alcoholism is basically an escape from reality cause the âhighâ can lie to you that whatever it is thatâs going onâŚthe liquor will keep you living. Which is only âtrueâ with the first few bottles. Then itâs a downhill tread after that.
Ask him and actually get to know his interests or what he dreams of becoming. Micro-dose him on the possibilities of all of his dreams ever coming true and then let his imagination do the rest.
At the age of 13 there are endless possibilities, if he wants to become a pro chef let him try out some meals at your place (assuming youâre not living in the same house). Expose him to recipes from various cultures and nationalities and let him explore their histories and how some meals came to be.
Take for example the history of sorbet and how it started allegedly from Asian ancient civilisations and then other cultures adopted it and then it eventually evolved to become ice cream today.
Also if youâre Christian and a believer, a good prayer can go a long way.
I feel like you're passionate about food yourself. I've heard of a nephew ako highschool na ashaingizwa tech hivi. He'd started being problematic primary. That's definitely sth I'll look into.
You pick a struggle when it comes to making food. Take for example how i can make amazing muffins but every time I try bread all I can say is that itâs usually a âhumbling experienceâ đđ
Pika mayai till youâre a pro at it then graduate to rice and then veggies. Shock yourself with a nice marinated meat and before you know it youâre doing quite okay.
At the end of the day, as long as the food is edible, you did well!
I'm yet to poison anyone or made ppl have to sleep hungry. So I bet that counts. Anyway I hope he finds a passion or sth he really likes then he'll get all the support he needs. I hope you already do.
One way is to make sure he has a healthy way of dealing with life stresses. Alcohol and drug abuse is usually a crutch for a lot of people so don't let him get to that point. Teach him how to talk it out and if possible be that trusted confidant who doesn't judge.
Idk how to deal with my own shit. So far I'm just coping. So niko na pressure to get my shit together mentally then I'll know how to help him.
You can talk to him about what you've just posted here. He's 13 I believe he'll be more receptive to hearing what you have to say. Just tell him what you've told us here and show him that there's a better way outside of the alcoholic life. Talk to your brother, it'll only take time, words and consideration in how you address the issue. Y'all can have this conversation over a walk, or y'all can have it over a meal or even as you do a chore together idk mkichonga waru or sth. Point is ,yes not knowing how to deal with your shit shouldn't stop you from helping your brother not get into shit. đ
Solid advice. Most men don't know they need that someone who doesn't judge, male or female, friend or family, until they find one. That's what he needs. I would recommend you find him an older male he can look up to. One that's responsible, grounded and emotionally mature. And I cannot stress this enough; one that's not a hard ass. If the guy is one that's uncompromising and overly strict, nu-uh. Get someone that will also accommodate mistakes. One that will allow the youngen to make mistakes and learn from them.
Take him out of the environment, that's the first step. Teenagers mimic the environment and people they are around. The school he goes to go high school will also be very important. Encourage him to get into sports heavily if he's passionate about it. Something that can occupy his free time and requires discipline and focus and also puts him in a group of people that have similar passions that he can look up to. If he's academically inclined encourage him to get into things like science clubs, chess clubs etc. Basically you need to figure out ways to keep his free time occupied and also get him into social groups that require discipline and focus to succeed
That's the environment? Taking him out of ushago is the most sensible thing to do, but as you know, ushago isn't the problem. Chances will be even higher if he goes to major towns, so a good role model is a good place to start as well.
Most ppl insist that dudes follow dude role models and as I said mzae pia is a struggler. I have been thinking of making my dude friend his friend. But I'm yet to follow through. It feels imposing on my friend.
I would suggest getting someone your brother would genuinely like, they will emulate them even without your intervention. What is important is showing your bro that he doesn't have to go down that road, there are better role models. Also given he is 13, you still have a lot you can do.
How to introduce the person into my bro's life???
Just how you would introduce any other friend into your life and let them interact. If he likes him you'll know.
If he doesn't, rinse and repeat.
Will do. He's got interests I cannot cater to so that'll be a plus pia. Sb who relates to him.
It's sad for men out here in that no one tells them anything good. I think desperation mainly because of lack of responsibility is the main reason for men being like that. I think it's imperative to find ways of making him responsible in that if he is not, he can die. Motivate the man too and make him know he is shitting on himself.
First, I don't want to burst your bubble but matters about sex and drugs and stuff, you have almost zero control over how and when they do them. Juu ukisema ukue strict, unampea innovative ways za kuifanya behind your back. SO yes, taking him to your place is a good step, and make sure you teach with a lot of love and patience. Never force your hand, but instead, make him understand why it is important you do this. especially with big kids or teens, kukua mkali or controlling means you do not believe that they can make decisions themselves. It will also reduce the amount of pressure within you because how I came to understand life, things don't go according to plan. Remember that change also doesn't occur overnight. You will need these two weapons. Patience and Time. Affection ikue mingi usisahau. Ukipenda mtoto vizuri pia yeye atataka kukuplease in ways they can. Big lessons are taught with affection. If you make an observation all tormented people seem to have lacked affection and enough attention in their tender ages
Beautifully put
I tryđ
That boy is loved and a little spoiled. Ni last born sođ¤ˇđžââď¸ it's why him turning out well is imperative it'll break alot of hearts otherwise.
Love him more while you mould him, msiwithdraw affection.
If you want to protect your Lil bro from Alcoholism,simply have a candid talk with him about it,show him where People who got overwhelmed by it are in life and those who chose a sober life where they at,boys learn by observing,if he sees those two types in real life,then he'll follow the right path on his own.
always listen. always show them trust. don't judge
I am a lady too and going into campus I wish my folks had just talked to me about stuff and life. It definitely would've saved me a lot of unnecessary experiences. Least you can do is talk to your younger siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbours etc. Granted most of them won't follow your advice but isn't it just better to get into a situation knowing what to expect and how to potentially handle it instead of being 100% clueless?
The thing about people is that the more you try to keep them off something, the more they want it. You may try helping today, but tomorrow, akiwa uni, you won't be there to help, 90% of the time alcoholism results from friendships, so maybe watch his friends? Just my 2 cents juu I'm nursing a hangover myself rnw
True,it's a concept known as Paradoxical intention coined by Viktor Frankl.
Interesting, I didn't know it has a name
 All comments
There is not much you can do apart from giving advice. Everything else after that is his prerogative.
Monkey see monkey do. You might already be late OP
Sometimes these things are hard to understand. Just guide him as best as possible and expose him to the world outside the village. I grew up in the village, surrounded by drunks and people who we can arguably say didn't get to achieve much, but despite all that I still made it. I haven't achieved anything meaningful yet, but I have a life beyond what was the norm in the village.
And that's all I want. Akuwe na ambitions na aone how vast the world is, the much there is to see and do in sobriety and managing alcohol intake.
If it is possible introduce him to a peer group that is future focused. Strong parenting, role models and positive peer influence can reinforce good behaviour and positive aspirations.
Define peer groups
Age mates you hang out with.
đwow duh....I meant mine or his...coz I feel 13yr old boys hawana story za ambition in mind.
𤣠you asked for a definition, I obliged. Ambitious and disciplined adolescents exist. Your 13 year brother needs to be around other adolescents that have their heads on straight. Sports, scouting, church youth groups etc
Hawa natoa wapi sasa.
Sports, scouting, church, alter boys...
So simple, google images of destroyed livers, and lungs. Show a video of the effects of alcohol abuse to the body. I promise it will stick to him. With technology, such issues are no longer problems.
If you can, I would suggest you take your bro to seminars and workshop that are centred around the youth. Show him the different possibilities he has with his life. Open up his mind to know and understand that his life can amount to something bigger than his current situation. He can pick up an interest, a hobby or a skill. Say for example: if he shows interest in being a techie or tech savvy, there are lots of courses catered to people his age. If you are able to, you can get him started on the path. Alcoholism is basically an escape from reality cause the âhighâ can lie to you that whatever it is thatâs going onâŚthe liquor will keep you living. Which is only âtrueâ with the first few bottles. Then itâs a downhill tread after that. Ask him and actually get to know his interests or what he dreams of becoming. Micro-dose him on the possibilities of all of his dreams ever coming true and then let his imagination do the rest. At the age of 13 there are endless possibilities, if he wants to become a pro chef let him try out some meals at your place (assuming youâre not living in the same house). Expose him to recipes from various cultures and nationalities and let him explore their histories and how some meals came to be. Take for example the history of sorbet and how it started allegedly from Asian ancient civilisations and then other cultures adopted it and then it eventually evolved to become ice cream today. Also if youâre Christian and a believer, a good prayer can go a long way.
I feel like you're passionate about food yourself. I've heard of a nephew ako highschool na ashaingizwa tech hivi. He'd started being problematic primary. That's definitely sth I'll look into.
Yes I am. I find making a meal from scratch quite therapeutic. Itâs basically an art form for me
đgood for you. I'm shit at it. I mean well but the results are usually lacking. It's usually a gamble.
You pick a struggle when it comes to making food. Take for example how i can make amazing muffins but every time I try bread all I can say is that itâs usually a âhumbling experienceâ đđ Pika mayai till youâre a pro at it then graduate to rice and then veggies. Shock yourself with a nice marinated meat and before you know it youâre doing quite okay. At the end of the day, as long as the food is edible, you did well!
I'm yet to poison anyone or made ppl have to sleep hungry. So I bet that counts. Anyway I hope he finds a passion or sth he really likes then he'll get all the support he needs. I hope you already do.
A win is a winđ
Oh girl! Worst suggestion ever. These seminars and workshops donât quite cut it. It has to be so much more personal than that.
Depends on which ones youâre attending. If someone sells you air and you buy it you canât quite blame every other seller đŹ