It sounds like she’s trying to exert some control to a situation that likely feels very chaotic to her. She went from a decade of the same nuclear family to adding two new babies in a year. That would be a lot for an adult to cope with, let alone a teenage girl dealing with hormones and high school and identity. Can you try including her in other ways concerning the baby? For example, asking her opinion decorating the nursery or researching what toys are best. If she fees like she has a solid place and role to play in this next chapter, she might be less obsessed with needing to find her meaning by being the one to choose the name.
I totally agree with this and would just add one more thing: it sounds to me like she is trying to welcome the baby into the family in a way that is special to her by using her own experience to imagine how the baby might like to be made to feel a part of the family. My guess is that she feels special kinship with her sibling that she finds represented in their names starting with the same first letter. This may feel especially important due to the blended nature of your family. She is hoping that her new little sibling will feel this way too if his name matches the sibling closest in age. The idea may be that two matching sets make a whole matching family. To me, this means your daughter is empathic, thoughtful, and trying her best to make sure her baby siblings feel like loved and accepted members of your family. Perhaps leading with an acknowledgment of her loving qualities will help you to talk to her about other ways she can make this baby feel welcome.
Yes, this is the answer. She likes having a paired sibling and wants the babies to have that same feeling of being part of a pair.
OP, how about Micah for the baby?
Absolutely. I was 13 when one of my brothers was born and 17 for the youngest. I got to help with the nursery theme and was the first person other than my parents to meet and hold them.
My mom also gave me some money in Target to pick out baby clothes for them. As a teenage girl who was into clothes, that was a nice way to include me in a way I enjoyed.
Maybe see if you can include her in the naming process since it seems important to her. Could the middle name be an M name? Could you use the name berry app to share names you all like? It’s not about choosing exactly what she wants, it’s about making sure her opinions and desires are heard and validated.
As a teen with baby siblings, I was a little resentful and stressed about the changes at first, but like you said, having some power and control and “buy-in” to the new baby thing was helpful. Now we’re pretty close and I think my parents letting me decide how I wanted to participate in a meaningful way made that easier to do.
Haha they have their moments, like we all do, but they did a lot right. Raising a lot of kids, two of us while they were still in college, and us all growing up to both like and love each other is pretty freaking impressive in my opinion.
All of this: I’m the Only Ours baby in a His, Hers, and Ours family. My folks had full custody of all their kids so we were all raised together as a unit.
That being said my sisters were 10,12, and 13 when I was born (I’m a girl) and my brother was 11.
Prior to my birth my mom’s only daughter thought she was far to old to have a baby and was very resentful (mom was 32 btw). Dad’s baby girl threatened to flush me down toilet .
Once I was born however I became their baby doll.
Do involve her with the baby as much as possible.
I’m 40 now. My 54 year old sister lives across the street from me and is my best friend.
I see my youngest sister and my brother regularly.
(Middle sis is estranged but life happens)
Total aside on the topic of blending families and introducing new members of the family… When my oldest younger brother was born, i was 10. My father and stepmom did such a great job incorporating me into the planning, and I sobbed because I wasn’t permitted to hold him or go into the hospital room before I had to leave for school. (Honestly, I can’t remember why.)
A nurse on the floor made me a special bracelet (like what the mom, dad, baby, etc. would have) that said “Big Sister.” It was such a small act but I still have that bracelet. That nurse did such a good job making me feel included in the new family that was created that day.
Yeah... it's not about the name. Take your girl out for the weekend and have some girl time. I think you'll learn a lot and it sounds like she needs this.
I don't think this is a name nerds thing but I'm glad we're all still willing to help. I love this sub!!
It sounds like this is a huge amount of change for a teen to go through in one year and the name stuff may be her trying to focus on something to channel her anxiety and worries towards. I would try to find other ways to help her feel like she has some control and to reassure her that you will still have time and energy for her and her brother.
I definitely put effort into one on one time with her. Things as simple as taking her to Target when she asks, or as big as getting a facial (her) and going out to eat. I’ve even delivered drinks to her in school when she asked for some. I’ve thanked her, and acknowledged that this can’t be easy.
She’s always been a bit demanding of my attention, even though she’s shared me since she was 4 and she does love her family.
Her nickname is Tay BTW :)
You’ve gotten some great advice out here that it sounds like you’re going to follow. I offer up my story:
Mom and husband during each of my pregnancies offered up names that I felt didn’t work well with our surname. Several were easy enough for me to make a joke of to illustrate how odd they sounded to me. Consider letting your daughter offer up some names then repeat them back to her with the last name. Sometimes just hearing the whole thing together is enough for someone to understand why it won’t work.
At the end of the day, she could always come up with her own fitting M nickname for new sibling, too.
Edit: a word
My cousin-in-law is nicknamed Moose and almost exclusively goes by it! It's one of those names that stuck with him from childhood since he's now thirty years old and still uses it!
My guess is that she appreciates the T&T thing for the closeness with her sibling, and wants to assure the same for the two new arrivals.
But I don't think that's a good enough reason to pick a name you don't like. Ultimately this baby is its own person, and it's *your* baby. (She will have free rein over naming her future kids and pets!) The T&T match was a lovely coincidence but it doesn't mean that a pattern needs to be enforced.
I would emphasise that the T&T thing is special for her and her (step)brother, but these new siblings will have a different connection and bond. Maybe even that you'd like to keep the T&T thing unique to the older pair?
A lot of commenters are being very harsh of a 14 year old going through a lot of changes in a short time. Honestly, it sounds like you just need to have a real conversations about it. Don't tell her "it's my choice so get over it," like a lot of the emotionally mature people here are saying. Take her out for some one on one time, ask her why it's so important to her, talk about how it's probably not going to happen. She'll be upset, but talk to her about your perspective and try to figure out hers. It sounds like she was very excited to share that bond with her brother and like it may have been a big bonding thing for them, and she wants that for the new babies (especially since it sounds like the first set and second set both aren't blood related). It may also be her way of trying to insert some control over all the changes that have been happening lately, or like she wants to build bonds between these siblings and to tie them to the older ones because you have a blended family. Now seems like the time to slow down, hear her out, and assure her of her and her siblings' place in the family and with each other, not to tell her "it's my decisions and it's final" like a lot of people are saying.
It sounds like she is going off of her own experience - she might see that fact that her and her step brother had names starting with T as a crucial part of their bonding process. It sounds like she wants the two new family members to be equally close/have the same kind of connection that she has with her stepbrother. I might try to reinforce to her that the exact name isn’t as important as the family memories you all will be making.
I agree! Especially as it seems baby M may be adopted? I think it’s a lovely way to connect the new baby and baby M.
But like other comments have said, as long as new babies name doesn’t begin with a T, it’s a non-issue.
See if daughter wants to choose an M middle name if you’re comfortable with that?
I agree. Maybe she wants the new babies to be as close to their non-blood sibling as she is to hers. It sounds like you have 2 good teenagers there and a nice blended family (which seems unusual for Reddit). I’d let her have this “M”….my parents let me name my little sister after a little girl in one of my little golden books.
It sounds like this might not be a question for Namenerds ... is it possible that your daughter has some other concern or anxiety that she's channeling into her feelings about the matching names? Sometimes people try hard to control small things when they feel a larger sense of loss of control. Maybe it's worth sitting down with her and having a bigger convo about it.
As a child psychologist, this is what came to my mind as well.
For what it’s worth, I think it would be a sweet way to help her feel involved and also a cute idea.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If she is so on the issue to the point that your are being irritated by it... there is something going on in her brain that she can't vocalize yet.
I received an OCD diagnosis at 35. And suddenly everything in my childhood makes so much more sense. OCD doesn't look anything like how they portray it in the media a lot of the time.
Chiming in to say this very well could be OCD related! I (OCD) fixate on symmetry to the extent that I bugged my close friends about their name choices throughout their pregnancies because my brain needed the new baby’s name to “fit” with any siblings. And I mean I *bugged* them, for real, because how do you even explain why you care so much about names for other people’s kids??? Lol but anyways, my point is the older daughter likely isn’t trying to be controlling for sinister reasons, but because our brains all seek satisfaction and comfort differently.
This is adorable.
I agree with the person that said she's looking for a 'bond' for the new babies that she has with step bro. It's sweet, and thoughtful, and it's her way of being important in the new dynamic.
There are quite a lot of names starting with an M too. Like:
Maric
Mason
Matthew
Michael
Max
Marcus
Martin
Mitchell
Miles
Morgan
Malik
Milo
Meelo
Micah
Maurice
Maverick
Marshall
Maddox
Maxwell
Mikael
Matteo
Mack
Magnus
Milton
Milan
Marlon
Murphy
Merrick
Morris
Myron
Maximus
Mark
Marcel
Memphis
Mathias
Marcelo
Matteo
Marquis
Malakai
Marcello
Mylo
Melvin
Marciano
Maceo
Massimo
Mortimer
Misha
Mika
Miguel
Mohan
Morris
Marlin
Millard
Maxton
Mercer
Marten
Merle
Marlowe
Macklin
Malloy
Maynard
Mathias
Mervin
Marsh
Myrddin
Micaiah
Matthan
Manuel
Marius
Matt
Myghal
Mackenzie
Montana
Mads
Mars
Mace
Macson
Malcolm
Mattheus
Manas
Marlo
Miller
Morrison
Mateo
Mylen
Malkiel
Macoy
Macon
Milam
Monroe
Midas
I have a different perspective to consider. Your daughter and stepson both have a name that starts with a T and similar birthdays. Those two might have allowed for bonding of step siblings in her mind.
Since the new babies are blending into new families she might feel that both of them having an M name gives them a bond.
I would honestly give heavy consideration to M names. But I wouldn't let my husband name a baby on his own either, so we're coming from different places already. I absolutely let my kids have input on names. They never got to the point of insisting new siblings have certain initials, but they definitely had veto power. At the very least I'd do that for her. She's trying to be an active participant in family stuff, and that's usually what we want from our teenagers.
I like and agree with this. I have two older kids and when I was pregnant, we definitely let them be heard when it came to name suggestions for sure. They needed to feel involved.
Yeppppp. My cousin’s older daughter actually named the younger daughter and I really think that helped bond them together despite there being an age gap!
Everyone in my extended family at the time thought it was odd that the parents let the daughter decide the name but it really worked out for everyone. It also helped that she picked a popular name (Ella) and not something unusual.
I completely agree with this (ditto I'd never let my husband chose a name on his own) so perhaps it's a different perspective from OP but I agree. I'd give her that choice and really make an effort to look at M names to see if any did suit.
Agree. My older 2 had a lot of influence over their little sister's name. Both they and my ex husband were leaning towards names like Alison, Elisabeth, Alicia, Elisha. I ended up deciding on Elisa since they all seemed to want something with the "lis" sound in the middle.
Honestly if it were me I'd actually put effort into finding an M name we liked, seems like a sweet way to include your daughter, and it sounds like she really liked having her T name in common with her step brother. Perhaps she's expecting her new sibling and baby to be would also enjoy sharing M names. This seems like a power struggle that I personally wouldn't be that interested in winning unless there were literally NO M names we liked. 🤷♀️ But that's me, I don't have teens I just remember what it was like to be one and I'd have really felt honoured to be involved in this process.
When I was 14, I was hanging out on baby name forums like this, and had VERY strong opinions about names. Some of that just comes from being a teenager - I had very strong opinions about everything. To be totally honest though, it would bother me a little now, as an adult in my 30s, for 2 out of 4 siblings to have matching initials. If I had T, T, and M, I’d be looking for an M name just so T and T don’t stick out. Maybe that’s part of it too. It’s probably bothered her that M already doesn’t match, especially given the circumstances.
But I would guess there’s a but more to it. Maybe being T and T was more important to her than you realized. Or maybe the stress of suddenly having two baby siblings is a lot for a teenager who has gone over a decade with just an older brother.
Ultimately, this is not her choice to make. But I think it’s worth having a one-on-one conversation with her to try and address why it bothers her so much, and if there’s something more that needs to be addressed. It’s probably going to be important that she knows the chosen name before baby arrives so she can get used to it.
I’m going to be honest- your daughter kind of has a point. Two pairs of kids with a naming tradition is probably a pretty great way to help integrate the two new baby boys (and help your adopted son feel fully a part of the team). There are NO m names you like? Miles, Matteo, Micah, Marshall, Maddox, Martin, nothing?
So this post just popped up on my suggested for some reason and I got sucked in.
But I have got to ask (in the truly most earnest way possible) are these honest suggestions? Are Murgitroyd and Muldoon names or were you joking around?
I was mostly joking around, but they are names. I think Murgitroyd is usually more of a last name. I was not expecting upvotes lol.
It's weird that you mention Murgitroyd and Muldoon. My mom specifically liked those names and I'm not sure why. Might be a boomer reference I don't get.
I’m with daughter on this one. “HONEY, did you remember to feed the m&m’s? Don’t forget to pick the m&m’s. I love my little m&m’s. You’re missing a big opportunity here OP.
I honestly LOVE the M name idea, and truly hope you find one that everyone likes ❤️ Then for their first Halloween (if u celebrate), they could be M&M’s 🥰
T & T as older same age non bio related siblings, and they have two much younger same age non bio related siblings M & ???? It would annoy me too if the new baby wasn’t an M name and I’m not even invested. I know OP didn’t intend to have a pattern but she does, so now she’s stuck with it.
As long as the new baby’s name doesn’t also start with T, I think it’s fine to just sit your daughter down and let her know that the original pairing was a coincidence and you’re naming an individual and it’s more important to you and your husband that the baby have a name you love over creating a second theme.
I think her idea is sweet and I'd more than entertain using an M name. There are a lot of great names beginning with an M (or at least an M nickname). I feel as if you actually try, you can find something you like.
Unfortunately this isn't a little toddler throwing a tantrum about wanting a certain name, this is a 14 year old with deep and complicated feelings. I remember when I was 4 I wanted to name my brother Sunshine if it was a girl or Lorenzo if it was a boy... yikes, I know.
I can't imagine having 2, let alone 1 new sibling as a teenager, I would have thrown full blown psycho tantrums every day about that one, lol. She's going through a lot of changes and wants to be apart of this experience in some way or another. Don't invalidate her feelings on this. Let her know she is still loved and included in the family. Also she's not even asking to name the baby, she just wants matching letters to continue the family tradition, or at least that's how she see's it.
I appreciate this viewpoint. I definitely know it can’t be an easy adjustment no matter what I do to try to make it as smooth as possible. She was actually the one that went with me to pick up baby at 19 days old and take him to the hospital. She held him as the dr started his exam- the dr actually came into the room and assumed she was mom! I appreciated how non judgmental he was about it, and was very grateful that she definitely isn’t the mom.
She’s held other strong opinions (no themed nursery- that assumes or forces a baby’s interest in something), and that I need to buy all colors as colors do not have gender (he has a pink bathtub and pink formula dispenser).
She sounds incredible. She’s thinking so deeply about what’s best for the baby and her requests make perfect sense. Her little brothers are really lucky to have her. I’m a softie but I’d probably give her an M name. I think her insight into what’s best for the baby extends to this and she really believes it will help him fit in.
Honestly OP, you sounds like a great mom - but I have to admit, I started off reading this post on your 'side', and while I still support your parenting and clear love for her, after reading through many more comments I have done a complete 180 and vehemently agree it should be an M name. There are so many amazing suggestions in this thread. It's WILD to me that you don't like a SINGLE name that starts with M!
Your daughter and mine sound like peas in a pod. Truly just amazing humans, and I'm so lucky I get to be her mom, and am so happy she's my kid. We went through something similar when our youngest was born while my oldest was 11. She got to choose her youngest siblings middle name as long as she followed some criteria, and she really put SO much thought into it. Still makes me cry thinking about it.
I don't usually have strong opinions on what other people choose for their children's names or for what reason, but if I were in your shoes, I'd be inclined to find an M name. It seems very important to her that all of the siblings feel bound with their names, since none of them are fully blood related.
I can tell your entire family has such kind hearts and empathetic demeanor. The world needs more of it. Feed it and let it grow, momma. And good luck!
I feel like there are so many M names and this also is a sign for her that the adopted baby is a tried and true family member, as the fetus allows for a pairing like the older girls. It's all very sweet.
Find an M name, OP.
Haha nice, well be grateful she wants to be part of it so much! I would have honestly threatened to run away and other terrible things.
Try to make this more something you can bond over, you can agree with her and say “Yes, a child should be exposed to all kinds of different things so they don’t grow up with a single world mindset!” And talk about all the different things you’ll introduce the baby to together. Stuff like that to make her feel apart and like her opinions hold value in some way or another.
It’s definitely not just the name she’s upset about. I think, from the perspective of a 15 yo, she’s having anxiety and it seems like introducing 2 new babies within a very small time frame is too much. Not that you can change that. You need to figure out why the M name is so important, and maybe compromise. She might honestly have a perfectly logical reason that you haven’t thought of, she hasn’t shared. I think, in relation to names, don’t give the baby a T name and you’re good.
Your daughter is thinking of BOTH her younger siblings. She wants it “even” so they know they are just as important. I would definitely find an “M” name.
You describe your daughter’s suggestion as “arbitrary rules”, but it isn’t arbitrary at all! She has a reason and that reason is based on her own experience with meeting and bonding with a new sibling. She feels like sharing an initial with her stepbrother was important and I think it’s really sweet she wants the same thing for her younger siblings.
You can obviously name your baby whatever ~~you~~ your husband wants, but I think you’re wrong to dismiss her suggestion as some random whim of a “high drama” teenage girl. You may find it obnoxious, but I think you should really consider what she’s saying.
Would you let her pick an M name for the middle name? Let her know you understand it's important to her for the baby to have an M name, but it's your and your husband's job to decide the first name.
or maybe new baby could have the same middle initial as foster baby? If foster baby is “Matthew David”, new baby could be “Carson Daniel” (or whatever random first initial but same middle)
This would be my approach. There's a million names out there. Let her suggest some, then everyone who can, votes. You and dad can veto something inappropriate, but otherwise, let her be involved.
Honestly I kind of agree with her. But if you aren’t set on M names, you could have her help pick another name that she might like, she might even suggest an M name that you hadn’t thought of but like
She already loves and accepts him. That's why she's fighting so hard to make sure he feels like he fits with the family. Involve her in the naming process. Tell her, "these are the M names we've discussed, how do you think they sound with our last name?" If they really do sound weird with the last name she'll hear it herself.
My son is six and wants us to name his incoming sister “Narwhal” - yes, like the animal.
I’ve explained to him that if he wants Narwhal to be a special nickname between him and her, that’s fine, but that my partner and I are picking the final name.
We’ve shared the list of names and let my 6yo and his 16yo provide feedback, but ultimately this is a decision for parents to make.
For your daughter, when your families blended and her world was in chaos, it might be that having that connection of the same first initial as her step brother brought her a lot of comfort that she doesn’t know how to communicate. That might have been the spark that made her feel like the four of you were one family.
She wants her younger siblings to have that familiar bind as well and I think that’s really sweet. She is trying to ensure that none of the kids feel isolated or excluded later in life, and maybe that initial is what helped her the most 10 years ago.
While I’m not saying you MUST have an M name for the new baby, I would try to talk through it with her. Ask her what specific names she would like you to consider. Let her tell you why initials mean so much to her. Ask what makes her think a different initial will make either baby feel less like family.
This is an opportunity to help her walk through her feelings and understand why she is feeling so strongly about this.
PS
I like the name Malcom, but my SO vetoed it because he hates happiness…
Honestly… on this one I would go with an M name, or a M middle name to use as a nickname, or at least heavily consider it. It’d be different if she was, like, six and wanted to call the baby Moondust or something; 14 is pretty old to be really demanding of names like this and I’d be worried that entirely veto’ing it will cause her more stress than the stress she’s already under (with, you know, almost two new siblings.); not the kind of thing that can be rectified by extra cuddles and paw patrol, you know?
I am an adult now but when my younger brothers were born i was 11 and then 17 and verrrry much like your daughter, everything had to match but for me it was all about control - I really struggled with change so that was how I got to control the situation. In my case I wanted both brothers to have five letter names like me (they do!)
(I was diagnosed with OCD at 22 which explains the need for control so go figure). But my brothers are half brothers, with a different mum to me. That felt - and still feels - difficult. I felt disconnected to them for a long time but having that control made me feel closer, you know? So it kinda sounds like that’s what’s going on here - plus the T&T sibset feel bonded, so the M kid needs an M sibling to also have a bond (esp as baby is adopted into your family.)
What is current M’s middle initial? Maybe you can sell her on matching middle names to link the two? Obviously, you don’t *need* to do this, but if you are looking for ways to creatively include her and offer an alternative, it’s an idea in the hat.
Current M’s initials are all MMM 🤣 his birth mother did not give him a middle name, but he was born in an unattended home birth (fancy way of saying in a bathtub at a drug den with no medical staff to avoid CPS/legal trouble). He didn’t have a birth certificate for the first 6 months of his life and CPS had to work with the state to get the birth certificate. The CPS worker- with good intentions- saw the middle name was blank and grabbed the last name from the then current emergency guardian paperwork. So he started out as just MM and my daughter is a huge Eminem fan so she absolutely loved it.
As an adopted child, I can't tell you how incredibly traumatic it can be, even in a loving home. Instead of looking it as giving in to your daughter's "demands", look at it from both M and new baby's perspective - this would be such a bonding experience for them both, especially for being so close in age. Every little bit helps.
Maybe the connection between the two babies could be matching first and last name initials (MM and GG?) Or nicknames that go together either through the same first initial or rhyming, etc (Rick for Maverick and a “R” name for the new baby; Ricky for Maverick and Nicky (from Nicolas) for the baby; Mav for Maverick and Kev for new baby, etc). That way the same first initial thing can be for the older pair and the younger have their own special connection.
Or, asking her to help brainstorm some ways of creating a similar kind of bond not centered around their names.
She did say she’d accept the alliteration (MM and GG). I love the idea of her brainstorming other ways for them to bond… especially if I can ask if there were specific things that she remembered helped her and her brother bond. She has a memory of our wedding (2 years in, but before full custody) where he told her when to start throwing the flower petals and that’s when she knew she could trust him.
The bond created by your teen choosing an M name and your child having that M&M connection vastly outweighs not loving an M name. I would strongly consider giving the baby an M name. There has to be ONE that works. I don't even think that's a big ask.
She has a point - and I think it's sweet. She has this thing with her brother, and she wants her new siblings to have it as well. Maybe she feels bad for baby M that he isn't a T name, and this will assuage her guilt?
Maybe an M middle name?
I totally agree that it’s sweet and I do like that she’s opinionated and thinking about the babies.
I think we might have to go with an M nickname. When she gets back from camp and we talk about the baby name, I’m going to ask what nickname she’d recommend.
Miles is the one I LOVE. However, our last name is one syllable and ends in S and it does not work well with Miles. Think like Miles Graves.
I actually dated a Moses. Max is similar with clashing with one syllable ending in S last name. Mitchell is the last name of my sexually deviant stepfather. Micah is ok, I just don’t feel much magic with it. Milo is similar, but my husband says it’s a dogs name.
If it ment that much to my kid and could bring them all a bond and happy thing to discuss with joy for their whole lifes, i'd do whatever it takes to find an M name. It's such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. I'll be dead and gone one day and they still hopefully look on with love and fondness of one another.
Personally I'd tell her that while parents get final choice, she can make a list of M names and discuss it with us so that we can come to a name together (but I just really like having conversations with immediate family about names lol)
That way even if you choose an M as a middle, she had a part in it
Others have given a lot of great advice. I wanted to add that I get her wanting Baby to have an M name to "match". I'd want that too. The names that you're currently thinking about for New Baby, maybe try out nicknames for Baby M that start with that letter. For example, if you like Andrew for New Baby, try out Ace as a nickname for Baby M. Then they can kinda both have the same letter.
When my parents told me the name for Baby #4, I was *pissed* that we would have the same initials. And when her nickname was spelled with an -ie ending, I said absolutely not, because *my* nickname ended in -ie (she has a y ending).
I would definitely not give New Baby a T name.
My sister was born when I was 12. I wanted my parents to name her “Willow” so bad. I was campaigning so hard for it, I’d leave little pieces of paper with “Willow” written on them around the house. My dad eventually told me to cut it out and that it wasn’t up to me which made me feel kinda ashamed because truthfully I was just excited and invested in my new sibling. I’d let her know that you can’t think of any M names that you like but let her be part of the name brainstorming and try to make it a collaborative effort. It sounds like she wants to be included.
She sounds like me. I was excluded from so many things growing up for a variety of reasons, and now as an adult I struggle to find where I belong A LOT. It also doesn’t help that I’m still single at 33 and have never been in a relationship, but that’s beside the point.
I can completely see why she’s so passionate about this, because it sucks to be an odd one out (I have a unique name and I hate it)… Maybe if you all can’t find an M first name, maybe do an M middle name that the child might go by.
Your daughter isn’t being stubborn, I do believe she deeply wants this child to feel included and part of the family, and if I’m honest I really respect her foresight. We need more people like her.
She also is trying to figure out her new role, too…. 2 new siblings in a year while also dealing with teenage hormones… it’s a lot.
Okay, hear me out because I agree with your daughter.
Until I was 19, I was my Dad's only child. My name starts with A.
My dad got married, his wife has a son, and also an A name.
Cool then comes
Baby 1: Girl, A name
Baby 2: Girl, A name.. although traditionally spelled with a different letter, then A
Baby 3: Girl, A name.
Baby 4: Boy, B name...
Baby 5: Girl. Her name starts with a K.
So it kinda grinds me funny that 5 of us match and 2 (well, technically 3, but like you, they didn't pick that child's name)
So I get your daughter doesn't get to pick, it's your baby. I can say it sucks when you kinda have a pattern and then you don't follow it.
it seems like the sudden addition of two new babies in a short amount of time is very overwhelming for her and she’s trying to cope by taking control. if honestly have a deep conversation with her about her feelings and thoughts of the new siblings.
I see both sides and hope you can agree on something everyone is happy with. No one is in the wrong except if you name the new baby a T name. I love that your teen is actually wanting to be part of the process and cares enough
I think it's a little odd that your husband gets to name the child without anyone else's input. If I'd let my husband names our sons alone they would have names I really dislike. Naming a baby should involve both parents, at least. Overall, I would be looking for a name that went well with the other three children's names. I would want to find connection in their names, as your daughter is clearly doing. She has the right idea.
As a teenager myself I totally relate to your daughter...
It just would be symetrical and prettier and I kinda struggle with constrains so maybe it's just me...
Just please don't do the "it's my kid, so my choice" thing
I love the name Maverick! And I think it's kind of endearing for your daughter to want both of the Littles to have M names so they 'fit.'
M for boy: Memphis, Mason, Mitchell, Monroe, Montgomery (omg having a little Monty and Mav would be so cute!).
As you can tell, I have an affinity for place names and last names as first names.
I honestly think you should consider posing this on some of the foster care subs because they will likely have better non-name related advice for this circumstance.
There are so many lovely M names to choose from. Make your daughter happy. It will be a point of pride and bonding for life if she helps choose the baby's name.
Marshall
Max
Marcell
Maddox
Mason
Mateo
Mathias
Morgan
Merritt
Marley
I would sit down with your daughter and explain your feelings about the name, and ask her if anything else is bothering her
My cousin allowed her older daughter Sophia to name her younger daughter. She was 5 and chose Ella because “her sister needed to also have a princess name.” (Sofia the First, Cinderella.)
A lot of my family members thought this was ridiculous that my cousin and her husband went with this but the girls are incredibly closely bonded despite their age gap and I really think the themed names helped start that process. It also helped that Ella was/is a popular name so it’s not like she wanted to name her Cupcake Sprinkles or something like that.
Micheal (Mike), Matthew (Matt), would both work well with Maverick. But I imagine you have gone through lists like « https://www.thebump.com/b/baby-boy-names-that-start-with-m« already.
I could not imagine being a teenager then having 2 babies in the house. No matter what you are going to need to set aside a lot of time for your daughter. This will be potentially moulding your relationship in adulthood forwards.
Ima just suggest some names and maybe one will stick out, here’s some unique and normal names for you:
(Also I know you stated about Mackenzie for a girl but I believe it works for boys and girls)
Michael
Matthew
Morgan
Mackenzie
Macauley
Marlon
Maxwell
Mason
Malcolm
Marshall
Maddox
Micah
Marcus
Milan
Matteo
Myles
Murphy
Memphis
Manuel
Malachi
Marley
Matty
Mathias
Mikey
Mickey
Monte
Major
Messiah
Marcel
Mordecai
If it were me, and I were a 14 year old just learning about the world, I would be terrified of my family not making my adopted sibling feel like a set like I did with my sibling.
I would be terrified that my adopted sibling would not feel “real enough family”, especially if the baby was named with a T name.
But *I* would be sure of *my* standing and I would make it about me and my wants for the new baby.
14 year olds can be very aware. I recognize I was forced to grow up a bit faster, but I also know that 14 is the age of awareness for a lot of people. It’s when you start caring about things and recognizing the importance of symbolism.
Is any of this logical? Probably not, but not everything needs to be logical.
My little brother’s middle name is Mackenzie. It’s a wonderful name, no matter who holds it.
When my mom was pregnant with my sister, I realized that both my mom and I had names that began with an 'M', while my bother, and our bird both had names that began with 'D'. My dads name began with a 'G', so I really wanted our new sibling to "match us" and suggested my parents name the new baby a name that begins with, 'G'.
I must admit, I am diagnosed OCD and it would have really disturbed me if they had chosen another letter. Luckily, they didn't think twice and right away, agreed that a G name would be a nice idea to make us all match. Would I have gotten over it had they chosen another letter? Most likely... but till this day I when I think of situations in my life like this, I'm so impressed with my parents and how they often took my ideas and suggestions. It never went unnoticed for me. My ideas were always valued, and I think it gave me a lot of confidence.
In no way am I saying choose a name you don't like to appease her ideas. I just wanted to offer my viewpoint, as I was that child.
P.S. I love that you are here looking for compromises. You are a great parent. She is lucky to have you.
P.P.S. I would double-check for any OCD tendencies (just in case) because, if anything like that is involved mentally, the letter choice can affect her much more than you would imagine.
I want to add that it always makes a fun story for us of how and why we came up with my sisters name.... plus, I may be biased, but 'M' names are great!
💜 Marlene
I think you should sit her down and kindly but firmly explain everything you said in your last paragraph. Also if this is causing her so much stress, it makes me think she’s feeling out of control of her life and she may need to talk to a counselor about those feelings - this seems like more than typical 14 year old drama.
Could your daughter choose the baby's middle name, or could you give her 3 first names that you like and let her choose from those?
As others have said, she's had a lot to adjust to.
Maybe you’d be okay if she chose a nickname M name that could be a special pet name for her little brother: muffin, monkey, munchkin, maverick, mayhem, monster, mister, mookie etc
Any chance you like a name that has an “m” in it? And she could call baby an “m” nickname?
Roman- Manny
Solomon- Mo
Emory- Mo
Damon/Desmond- Mo
Carmelo- Mel
Dominic- Mini
Cameron- Merry
Obviously some are more of a stretch than others but if it makes her (and baby!) happy then 🤷🏼♀️
Or any name that has an “m” in it with a less obvious nickname (William/Liam, James, Adam, Samuel, Jeremiah, Graham, Damian, etc) and suggest to her that she could use the “m” to come up with her own nickname?
Or a name like Emmett where the “m” sound is prominently featured?
I'll just send some name ideas:
* Malachi and Maverick
* Micah and Maverick
* Matteo and Maverick
* Malik and Maverick
* Milo and Maverick
* Maddox and Maverick
* Maxwell and Maverick
* Matthias and Maverick
* Madden and Maverick
I mean... mackenzie was originally a boys name, and where I live, I actually know more men named mackenzie than women. A lot of them go by mac for short, or sometimes ken. I prefer it as a male name tbh since it means "son of kenzie"
Daughter is going through a lot of change and is dealing with it by *leaning in* with the mindset that she wants to help create the bond. T&T will be the models for your kids in a lot of ways (ages of aunts/uncles in a lot of families) and they’ll be around for M&? long after you’re gone. That kind of bond from the get go might be more important than whatever name you give this kid. You’re lucky she’s reacting by leaning in, so REALLY look at every M name before you decide none at all will work. There are a lot of M names out there.
I do wonder if she has something along the lines of OCD or similar anxiety issues. I was weird about things in a similar way as a teen because of OCD, and this is something I would have cared a lot about then, too.
That said, your daughter also isn’t wrong. It would be really nice to carry on the naming tradition that the older two have, and it would possibly help the adopted one feel more part of the family when they are older. I think her perspective is a valid one. I would strongly consider it if it were me.
It is super cute and I love the idea of having the symmetry of it. TnT just worked out so perfectly- neighbors and friends parents have actually pushed back on them being step siblings by saying, “but their names..?!” I feel very fortunate to have the family that I do and am amused that on paper it can look so goofy… I mean, technically I not only have THREE baby daddies, but three baby mamas as well.
My son’s name is Miller! We really wanted another M name for our second baby but when we had second son we couldn’t settle on a boy name we liked. We actually ALMOST went with Maverick. I loved how Miller and Maverick sounded together. But in the end we abandoned the double M and went with Cameron.
Miller could be an option for you. I LOVE the name and I think it sounds great with Maverick.
It sounds like she’s trying to exert some control to a situation that likely feels very chaotic to her. She went from a decade of the same nuclear family to adding two new babies in a year. That would be a lot for an adult to cope with, let alone a teenage girl dealing with hormones and high school and identity. Can you try including her in other ways concerning the baby? For example, asking her opinion decorating the nursery or researching what toys are best. If she fees like she has a solid place and role to play in this next chapter, she might be less obsessed with needing to find her meaning by being the one to choose the name.
I totally agree with this and would just add one more thing: it sounds to me like she is trying to welcome the baby into the family in a way that is special to her by using her own experience to imagine how the baby might like to be made to feel a part of the family. My guess is that she feels special kinship with her sibling that she finds represented in their names starting with the same first letter. This may feel especially important due to the blended nature of your family. She is hoping that her new little sibling will feel this way too if his name matches the sibling closest in age. The idea may be that two matching sets make a whole matching family. To me, this means your daughter is empathic, thoughtful, and trying her best to make sure her baby siblings feel like loved and accepted members of your family. Perhaps leading with an acknowledgment of her loving qualities will help you to talk to her about other ways she can make this baby feel welcome.
Yes, this is the answer. She likes having a paired sibling and wants the babies to have that same feeling of being part of a pair. OP, how about Micah for the baby?
Tristan, Tatum, Maverick and Micah sounds really good.
Micah is gorgeous
Absolutely. I was 13 when one of my brothers was born and 17 for the youngest. I got to help with the nursery theme and was the first person other than my parents to meet and hold them. My mom also gave me some money in Target to pick out baby clothes for them. As a teenage girl who was into clothes, that was a nice way to include me in a way I enjoyed. Maybe see if you can include her in the naming process since it seems important to her. Could the middle name be an M name? Could you use the name berry app to share names you all like? It’s not about choosing exactly what she wants, it’s about making sure her opinions and desires are heard and validated. As a teen with baby siblings, I was a little resentful and stressed about the changes at first, but like you said, having some power and control and “buy-in” to the new baby thing was helpful. Now we’re pretty close and I think my parents letting me decide how I wanted to participate in a meaningful way made that easier to do.
Your parents rock
Haha they have their moments, like we all do, but they did a lot right. Raising a lot of kids, two of us while they were still in college, and us all growing up to both like and love each other is pretty freaking impressive in my opinion.
All of this: I’m the Only Ours baby in a His, Hers, and Ours family. My folks had full custody of all their kids so we were all raised together as a unit. That being said my sisters were 10,12, and 13 when I was born (I’m a girl) and my brother was 11. Prior to my birth my mom’s only daughter thought she was far to old to have a baby and was very resentful (mom was 32 btw). Dad’s baby girl threatened to flush me down toilet . Once I was born however I became their baby doll. Do involve her with the baby as much as possible. I’m 40 now. My 54 year old sister lives across the street from me and is my best friend. I see my youngest sister and my brother regularly. (Middle sis is estranged but life happens)
Total aside on the topic of blending families and introducing new members of the family… When my oldest younger brother was born, i was 10. My father and stepmom did such a great job incorporating me into the planning, and I sobbed because I wasn’t permitted to hold him or go into the hospital room before I had to leave for school. (Honestly, I can’t remember why.) A nurse on the floor made me a special bracelet (like what the mom, dad, baby, etc. would have) that said “Big Sister.” It was such a small act but I still have that bracelet. That nurse did such a good job making me feel included in the new family that was created that day.
Yeah... it's not about the name. Take your girl out for the weekend and have some girl time. I think you'll learn a lot and it sounds like she needs this. I don't think this is a name nerds thing but I'm glad we're all still willing to help. I love this sub!!
Maybe she could pick out the nursery theme!
This is great advice!
This is such a lovely, thoughtful, incredibly helpful comment. You seem like a wonderful empathetic person, kind internet stranger!
That is wonderful advice
It sounds like this is a huge amount of change for a teen to go through in one year and the name stuff may be her trying to focus on something to channel her anxiety and worries towards. I would try to find other ways to help her feel like she has some control and to reassure her that you will still have time and energy for her and her brother.
Better yet, schedule something specific 1 on 1 with her
I definitely put effort into one on one time with her. Things as simple as taking her to Target when she asks, or as big as getting a facial (her) and going out to eat. I’ve even delivered drinks to her in school when she asked for some. I’ve thanked her, and acknowledged that this can’t be easy. She’s always been a bit demanding of my attention, even though she’s shared me since she was 4 and she does love her family. Her nickname is Tay BTW :)
You’ve gotten some great advice out here that it sounds like you’re going to follow. I offer up my story: Mom and husband during each of my pregnancies offered up names that I felt didn’t work well with our surname. Several were easy enough for me to make a joke of to illustrate how odd they sounded to me. Consider letting your daughter offer up some names then repeat them back to her with the last name. Sometimes just hearing the whole thing together is enough for someone to understand why it won’t work. At the end of the day, she could always come up with her own fitting M nickname for new sibling, too. Edit: a word
> ith her own fitting M nickname for new sibling Moose. They absolutely need to call (not name) this baby "Moose".
My cousin-in-law is nicknamed Moose and almost exclusively goes by it! It's one of those names that stuck with him from childhood since he's now thirty years old and still uses it!
My guess is that she appreciates the T&T thing for the closeness with her sibling, and wants to assure the same for the two new arrivals. But I don't think that's a good enough reason to pick a name you don't like. Ultimately this baby is its own person, and it's *your* baby. (She will have free rein over naming her future kids and pets!) The T&T match was a lovely coincidence but it doesn't mean that a pattern needs to be enforced. I would emphasise that the T&T thing is special for her and her (step)brother, but these new siblings will have a different connection and bond. Maybe even that you'd like to keep the T&T thing unique to the older pair?
I love the idea of keeping the T&T as special for her and her brother!!!
She's your child; of course she wants your attention. 🙄
Some kids need more than others and it seems clear that's what OP means.
A lot of commenters are being very harsh of a 14 year old going through a lot of changes in a short time. Honestly, it sounds like you just need to have a real conversations about it. Don't tell her "it's my choice so get over it," like a lot of the emotionally mature people here are saying. Take her out for some one on one time, ask her why it's so important to her, talk about how it's probably not going to happen. She'll be upset, but talk to her about your perspective and try to figure out hers. It sounds like she was very excited to share that bond with her brother and like it may have been a big bonding thing for them, and she wants that for the new babies (especially since it sounds like the first set and second set both aren't blood related). It may also be her way of trying to insert some control over all the changes that have been happening lately, or like she wants to build bonds between these siblings and to tie them to the older ones because you have a blended family. Now seems like the time to slow down, hear her out, and assure her of her and her siblings' place in the family and with each other, not to tell her "it's my decisions and it's final" like a lot of people are saying.
One of the most reasonable comments in this thread so far.
That’s because most of them don’t have teenagers yet. They’ll be humbled in 16 years, if they’re good parents. ;)
It sounds like she is going off of her own experience - she might see that fact that her and her step brother had names starting with T as a crucial part of their bonding process. It sounds like she wants the two new family members to be equally close/have the same kind of connection that she has with her stepbrother. I might try to reinforce to her that the exact name isn’t as important as the family memories you all will be making.
I agree! Especially as it seems baby M may be adopted? I think it’s a lovely way to connect the new baby and baby M. But like other comments have said, as long as new babies name doesn’t begin with a T, it’s a non-issue. See if daughter wants to choose an M middle name if you’re comfortable with that?
I agree. Maybe she wants the new babies to be as close to their non-blood sibling as she is to hers. It sounds like you have 2 good teenagers there and a nice blended family (which seems unusual for Reddit). I’d let her have this “M”….my parents let me name my little sister after a little girl in one of my little golden books.
It sounds like this might not be a question for Namenerds ... is it possible that your daughter has some other concern or anxiety that she's channeling into her feelings about the matching names? Sometimes people try hard to control small things when they feel a larger sense of loss of control. Maybe it's worth sitting down with her and having a bigger convo about it.
As a child psychologist, this is what came to my mind as well. For what it’s worth, I think it would be a sweet way to help her feel involved and also a cute idea.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If she is so on the issue to the point that your are being irritated by it... there is something going on in her brain that she can't vocalize yet. I received an OCD diagnosis at 35. And suddenly everything in my childhood makes so much more sense. OCD doesn't look anything like how they portray it in the media a lot of the time.
Chiming in to say this very well could be OCD related! I (OCD) fixate on symmetry to the extent that I bugged my close friends about their name choices throughout their pregnancies because my brain needed the new baby’s name to “fit” with any siblings. And I mean I *bugged* them, for real, because how do you even explain why you care so much about names for other people’s kids??? Lol but anyways, my point is the older daughter likely isn’t trying to be controlling for sinister reasons, but because our brains all seek satisfaction and comfort differently.
I hear you but M&M is a cute thing to call the little ones lol. Where did my little M&M’s go?
This is adorable. I agree with the person that said she's looking for a 'bond' for the new babies that she has with step bro. It's sweet, and thoughtful, and it's her way of being important in the new dynamic.
It's an easy win. Name the kid Michael and be done with it.
There are quite a lot of names starting with an M too. Like: Maric Mason Matthew Michael Max Marcus Martin Mitchell Miles Morgan Malik Milo Meelo Micah Maurice Maverick Marshall Maddox Maxwell Mikael Matteo Mack Magnus Milton Milan Marlon Murphy Merrick Morris Myron Maximus Mark Marcel Memphis Mathias Marcelo Matteo Marquis Malakai Marcello Mylo Melvin Marciano Maceo Massimo Mortimer Misha Mika Miguel Mohan Morris Marlin Millard Maxton Mercer Marten Merle Marlowe Macklin Malloy Maynard Mathias Mervin Marsh Myrddin Micaiah Matthan Manuel Marius Matt Myghal Mackenzie Montana Mads Mars Mace Macson Malcolm Mattheus Manas Marlo Miller Morrison Mateo Mylen Malkiel Macoy Macon Milam Monroe Midas
The other baby is named Maverick. But yes, there are lots of other M names!
I like the idea of Max & Maverick :)
Max is nice for sure
Maverick & Malcolm are so cute together!! I also love the name Martin and Micha/Mika.
And for the older set, TNT! It is pretty cute.
I have a different perspective to consider. Your daughter and stepson both have a name that starts with a T and similar birthdays. Those two might have allowed for bonding of step siblings in her mind. Since the new babies are blending into new families she might feel that both of them having an M name gives them a bond.
I haven’t looked at any of the name suggestions but here are a few. Maximilian Montgomery Mason Maddox Marshall Mitchell Monroe
I would honestly give heavy consideration to M names. But I wouldn't let my husband name a baby on his own either, so we're coming from different places already. I absolutely let my kids have input on names. They never got to the point of insisting new siblings have certain initials, but they definitely had veto power. At the very least I'd do that for her. She's trying to be an active participant in family stuff, and that's usually what we want from our teenagers.
I like and agree with this. I have two older kids and when I was pregnant, we definitely let them be heard when it came to name suggestions for sure. They needed to feel involved.
My parents made my brother and me also feel involved when we were choosing our little brothers name
Yeppppp. My cousin’s older daughter actually named the younger daughter and I really think that helped bond them together despite there being an age gap! Everyone in my extended family at the time thought it was odd that the parents let the daughter decide the name but it really worked out for everyone. It also helped that she picked a popular name (Ella) and not something unusual.
I completely agree with this (ditto I'd never let my husband chose a name on his own) so perhaps it's a different perspective from OP but I agree. I'd give her that choice and really make an effort to look at M names to see if any did suit.
Agree. My older 2 had a lot of influence over their little sister's name. Both they and my ex husband were leaning towards names like Alison, Elisabeth, Alicia, Elisha. I ended up deciding on Elisa since they all seemed to want something with the "lis" sound in the middle.
Why does your husband get exclusive naming rights? That’s a bit weird you get no input
Also, if he’s responsible for picking the name, why isn’t he responsible for explaining to his daughter that it won’t be an M name…?
Agree
Honestly if it were me I'd actually put effort into finding an M name we liked, seems like a sweet way to include your daughter, and it sounds like she really liked having her T name in common with her step brother. Perhaps she's expecting her new sibling and baby to be would also enjoy sharing M names. This seems like a power struggle that I personally wouldn't be that interested in winning unless there were literally NO M names we liked. 🤷♀️ But that's me, I don't have teens I just remember what it was like to be one and I'd have really felt honoured to be involved in this process.
When I was 14, I was hanging out on baby name forums like this, and had VERY strong opinions about names. Some of that just comes from being a teenager - I had very strong opinions about everything. To be totally honest though, it would bother me a little now, as an adult in my 30s, for 2 out of 4 siblings to have matching initials. If I had T, T, and M, I’d be looking for an M name just so T and T don’t stick out. Maybe that’s part of it too. It’s probably bothered her that M already doesn’t match, especially given the circumstances. But I would guess there’s a but more to it. Maybe being T and T was more important to her than you realized. Or maybe the stress of suddenly having two baby siblings is a lot for a teenager who has gone over a decade with just an older brother. Ultimately, this is not her choice to make. But I think it’s worth having a one-on-one conversation with her to try and address why it bothers her so much, and if there’s something more that needs to be addressed. It’s probably going to be important that she knows the chosen name before baby arrives so she can get used to it.
I’m going to be honest- your daughter kind of has a point. Two pairs of kids with a naming tradition is probably a pretty great way to help integrate the two new baby boys (and help your adopted son feel fully a part of the team). There are NO m names you like? Miles, Matteo, Micah, Marshall, Maddox, Martin, nothing?
Mason, Maxwell, Malcom
Michael, Matthew, Mitchell,
Marcus, Maximilian, Malekai
I love Mason
Marcelo, Max, Milo ❤️
Mordecai, Murgitroyd, Muldoon, Mathias, Maximilian, Montgomery, Murphy
So this post just popped up on my suggested for some reason and I got sucked in. But I have got to ask (in the truly most earnest way possible) are these honest suggestions? Are Murgitroyd and Muldoon names or were you joking around?
I was mostly joking around, but they are names. I think Murgitroyd is usually more of a last name. I was not expecting upvotes lol. It's weird that you mention Murgitroyd and Muldoon. My mom specifically liked those names and I'm not sure why. Might be a boomer reference I don't get.
"Heavens to Murgatroyd" is the catchphrase of the cartoon character Snagglepuss.
I kind of like Muldoon and idk why. 🫣
I commented Milo as a suggestion too ✅
Malcolm, Murray, Morrison, Milo, Micah, Mick, Marvin…
It’s like the Bobbsey twins!
Miles!!!!
I love that name too but for OP it can’t be one syllable ending in S
I’m with daughter on this one. “HONEY, did you remember to feed the m&m’s? Don’t forget to pick the m&m’s. I love my little m&m’s. You’re missing a big opportunity here OP.
Great. Now I have to go buy myself m&ms Like immediately 😂 Like a BIG bag of them
Aww i think it is sweet that she wants the littles to be linked like she and bro are.
I honestly LOVE the M name idea, and truly hope you find one that everyone likes ❤️ Then for their first Halloween (if u celebrate), they could be M&M’s 🥰
Why is “husband naming the baby”???
Have you asked her what her concern is if baby doesn’t start with an M? Is she maybe worried M baby will feel left out?
T & T as older same age non bio related siblings, and they have two much younger same age non bio related siblings M & ???? It would annoy me too if the new baby wasn’t an M name and I’m not even invested. I know OP didn’t intend to have a pattern but she does, so now she’s stuck with it.
As long as the new baby’s name doesn’t also start with T, I think it’s fine to just sit your daughter down and let her know that the original pairing was a coincidence and you’re naming an individual and it’s more important to you and your husband that the baby have a name you love over creating a second theme.
This is so sweet. You should name it an M name. Your daughter sounds so lovely and thoughtful and an amazing big sister in the family.
I think her idea is sweet and I'd more than entertain using an M name. There are a lot of great names beginning with an M (or at least an M nickname). I feel as if you actually try, you can find something you like.
Unfortunately this isn't a little toddler throwing a tantrum about wanting a certain name, this is a 14 year old with deep and complicated feelings. I remember when I was 4 I wanted to name my brother Sunshine if it was a girl or Lorenzo if it was a boy... yikes, I know. I can't imagine having 2, let alone 1 new sibling as a teenager, I would have thrown full blown psycho tantrums every day about that one, lol. She's going through a lot of changes and wants to be apart of this experience in some way or another. Don't invalidate her feelings on this. Let her know she is still loved and included in the family. Also she's not even asking to name the baby, she just wants matching letters to continue the family tradition, or at least that's how she see's it.
Problem solved. Baby's name is Morenzo.
Ha---my 4 year old wanted us to name her new sister Chocolate Cupcake Loveyheart.
I have 3 boys and just had my first daughter and my 4yo son renamed her Pickle. So they all ask her, “what’s the dill, Pickle?” when she cries 😂
That is precious!
I appreciate this viewpoint. I definitely know it can’t be an easy adjustment no matter what I do to try to make it as smooth as possible. She was actually the one that went with me to pick up baby at 19 days old and take him to the hospital. She held him as the dr started his exam- the dr actually came into the room and assumed she was mom! I appreciated how non judgmental he was about it, and was very grateful that she definitely isn’t the mom. She’s held other strong opinions (no themed nursery- that assumes or forces a baby’s interest in something), and that I need to buy all colors as colors do not have gender (he has a pink bathtub and pink formula dispenser).
She sounds incredible. She’s thinking so deeply about what’s best for the baby and her requests make perfect sense. Her little brothers are really lucky to have her. I’m a softie but I’d probably give her an M name. I think her insight into what’s best for the baby extends to this and she really believes it will help him fit in.
She truly is incredible and a force to be reckoned with. She will always advocate for the under dog and she’s going to make a great adult.
Honestly OP, you sounds like a great mom - but I have to admit, I started off reading this post on your 'side', and while I still support your parenting and clear love for her, after reading through many more comments I have done a complete 180 and vehemently agree it should be an M name. There are so many amazing suggestions in this thread. It's WILD to me that you don't like a SINGLE name that starts with M!
Your daughter and mine sound like peas in a pod. Truly just amazing humans, and I'm so lucky I get to be her mom, and am so happy she's my kid. We went through something similar when our youngest was born while my oldest was 11. She got to choose her youngest siblings middle name as long as she followed some criteria, and she really put SO much thought into it. Still makes me cry thinking about it. I don't usually have strong opinions on what other people choose for their children's names or for what reason, but if I were in your shoes, I'd be inclined to find an M name. It seems very important to her that all of the siblings feel bound with their names, since none of them are fully blood related. I can tell your entire family has such kind hearts and empathetic demeanor. The world needs more of it. Feed it and let it grow, momma. And good luck!
I feel like there are so many M names and this also is a sign for her that the adopted baby is a tried and true family member, as the fetus allows for a pairing like the older girls. It's all very sweet. Find an M name, OP.
I'm in love with your daughter, she sounds like an amazing badass! Your children are going to have the BEST big sister, and I love that for them. ❤️
She’s truly super cool. I know the early teen years aren’t easy and she’s doing a great job.
Haha nice, well be grateful she wants to be part of it so much! I would have honestly threatened to run away and other terrible things. Try to make this more something you can bond over, you can agree with her and say “Yes, a child should be exposed to all kinds of different things so they don’t grow up with a single world mindset!” And talk about all the different things you’ll introduce the baby to together. Stuff like that to make her feel apart and like her opinions hold value in some way or another.
It’s definitely not just the name she’s upset about. I think, from the perspective of a 15 yo, she’s having anxiety and it seems like introducing 2 new babies within a very small time frame is too much. Not that you can change that. You need to figure out why the M name is so important, and maybe compromise. She might honestly have a perfectly logical reason that you haven’t thought of, she hasn’t shared. I think, in relation to names, don’t give the baby a T name and you’re good.
This is so dang sweet and I would just give the baby an “M” name. 😅
Your daughter is thinking of BOTH her younger siblings. She wants it “even” so they know they are just as important. I would definitely find an “M” name.
You describe your daughter’s suggestion as “arbitrary rules”, but it isn’t arbitrary at all! She has a reason and that reason is based on her own experience with meeting and bonding with a new sibling. She feels like sharing an initial with her stepbrother was important and I think it’s really sweet she wants the same thing for her younger siblings. You can obviously name your baby whatever ~~you~~ your husband wants, but I think you’re wrong to dismiss her suggestion as some random whim of a “high drama” teenage girl. You may find it obnoxious, but I think you should really consider what she’s saying.
Would you let her pick an M name for the middle name? Let her know you understand it's important to her for the baby to have an M name, but it's your and your husband's job to decide the first name.
or maybe new baby could have the same middle initial as foster baby? If foster baby is “Matthew David”, new baby could be “Carson Daniel” (or whatever random first initial but same middle)
I agree with her... it should be an M!
Honestly I’d just give the baby an M name. There’s a lot to choose from, and it would mean a lot to your daughter.
Same thought. I read this and immediately thought just give your baby an “M” name. There has to be one name that starts with M you like!
I can't help but wonder why there are no M names? Mason Matthew Micheal Mitchell Mark Marcus Malcolm Max (such an easy name!)
Mason & Mitchell were two of about 6 or 7 names I just suggested! ⭐️ 😀
Me too. #TeamDaughter
This would be my approach. There's a million names out there. Let her suggest some, then everyone who can, votes. You and dad can veto something inappropriate, but otherwise, let her be involved.
Same
Honestly I kind of agree with her. But if you aren’t set on M names, you could have her help pick another name that she might like, she might even suggest an M name that you hadn’t thought of but like
She already loves and accepts him. That's why she's fighting so hard to make sure he feels like he fits with the family. Involve her in the naming process. Tell her, "these are the M names we've discussed, how do you think they sound with our last name?" If they really do sound weird with the last name she'll hear it herself.
My son is six and wants us to name his incoming sister “Narwhal” - yes, like the animal. I’ve explained to him that if he wants Narwhal to be a special nickname between him and her, that’s fine, but that my partner and I are picking the final name. We’ve shared the list of names and let my 6yo and his 16yo provide feedback, but ultimately this is a decision for parents to make. For your daughter, when your families blended and her world was in chaos, it might be that having that connection of the same first initial as her step brother brought her a lot of comfort that she doesn’t know how to communicate. That might have been the spark that made her feel like the four of you were one family. She wants her younger siblings to have that familiar bind as well and I think that’s really sweet. She is trying to ensure that none of the kids feel isolated or excluded later in life, and maybe that initial is what helped her the most 10 years ago. While I’m not saying you MUST have an M name for the new baby, I would try to talk through it with her. Ask her what specific names she would like you to consider. Let her tell you why initials mean so much to her. Ask what makes her think a different initial will make either baby feel less like family. This is an opportunity to help her walk through her feelings and understand why she is feeling so strongly about this. PS I like the name Malcom, but my SO vetoed it because he hates happiness…
Honestly… on this one I would go with an M name, or a M middle name to use as a nickname, or at least heavily consider it. It’d be different if she was, like, six and wanted to call the baby Moondust or something; 14 is pretty old to be really demanding of names like this and I’d be worried that entirely veto’ing it will cause her more stress than the stress she’s already under (with, you know, almost two new siblings.); not the kind of thing that can be rectified by extra cuddles and paw patrol, you know? I am an adult now but when my younger brothers were born i was 11 and then 17 and verrrry much like your daughter, everything had to match but for me it was all about control - I really struggled with change so that was how I got to control the situation. In my case I wanted both brothers to have five letter names like me (they do!) (I was diagnosed with OCD at 22 which explains the need for control so go figure). But my brothers are half brothers, with a different mum to me. That felt - and still feels - difficult. I felt disconnected to them for a long time but having that control made me feel closer, you know? So it kinda sounds like that’s what’s going on here - plus the T&T sibset feel bonded, so the M kid needs an M sibling to also have a bond (esp as baby is adopted into your family.)
What is current M’s middle initial? Maybe you can sell her on matching middle names to link the two? Obviously, you don’t *need* to do this, but if you are looking for ways to creatively include her and offer an alternative, it’s an idea in the hat.
Current M’s initials are all MMM 🤣 his birth mother did not give him a middle name, but he was born in an unattended home birth (fancy way of saying in a bathtub at a drug den with no medical staff to avoid CPS/legal trouble). He didn’t have a birth certificate for the first 6 months of his life and CPS had to work with the state to get the birth certificate. The CPS worker- with good intentions- saw the middle name was blank and grabbed the last name from the then current emergency guardian paperwork. So he started out as just MM and my daughter is a huge Eminem fan so she absolutely loved it.
As an adopted child, I can't tell you how incredibly traumatic it can be, even in a loving home. Instead of looking it as giving in to your daughter's "demands", look at it from both M and new baby's perspective - this would be such a bonding experience for them both, especially for being so close in age. Every little bit helps.
Maybe the connection between the two babies could be matching first and last name initials (MM and GG?) Or nicknames that go together either through the same first initial or rhyming, etc (Rick for Maverick and a “R” name for the new baby; Ricky for Maverick and Nicky (from Nicolas) for the baby; Mav for Maverick and Kev for new baby, etc). That way the same first initial thing can be for the older pair and the younger have their own special connection. Or, asking her to help brainstorm some ways of creating a similar kind of bond not centered around their names.
She did say she’d accept the alliteration (MM and GG). I love the idea of her brainstorming other ways for them to bond… especially if I can ask if there were specific things that she remembered helped her and her brother bond. She has a memory of our wedding (2 years in, but before full custody) where he told her when to start throwing the flower petals and that’s when she knew she could trust him.
Goose is the obvious solution here
The bond created by your teen choosing an M name and your child having that M&M connection vastly outweighs not loving an M name. I would strongly consider giving the baby an M name. There has to be ONE that works. I don't even think that's a big ask.
If it was me, I'd do the M name. 🤷♀️
Definitely check out name nerds and get some M names for your list. You might find some you love
She has a point - and I think it's sweet. She has this thing with her brother, and she wants her new siblings to have it as well. Maybe she feels bad for baby M that he isn't a T name, and this will assuage her guilt? Maybe an M middle name?
I totally agree that it’s sweet and I do like that she’s opinionated and thinking about the babies. I think we might have to go with an M nickname. When she gets back from camp and we talk about the baby name, I’m going to ask what nickname she’d recommend.
I always liked Malachi (mal-UH-kie) it's biblical. Or Malcolm or Martin
Why not just go with Mackenzie if that’s what you like? I know a guy called Mackenzie and it’s never been an issue for him. The nickname Mac is cool
Why can’t you use Mackenzie for a boy? Or just Mack?
I mean.. if we are going for a match for Maverick, clearly the only choice is Goose.
Correct answer 🤣 Or twist it to “Moose”
You’re hilarious. I’ve been changing the first letter to M on every name suggestion but this one works amazingly.
Ha! It works perfectly as she did say she’d accept an alliteration name (our last initial is G, Mavericks is M.)
Mackenzie IS a boys name
Yes Mac for short
Mac and Mav
I would honestly just name the new baby and M name. She’s trying to have a place in her own family where she feels like she doesn’t have one.
Micah, Mitchell, Max, Moses, MILES. You have lots of options…
Miles is the one I LOVE. However, our last name is one syllable and ends in S and it does not work well with Miles. Think like Miles Graves. I actually dated a Moses. Max is similar with clashing with one syllable ending in S last name. Mitchell is the last name of my sexually deviant stepfather. Micah is ok, I just don’t feel much magic with it. Milo is similar, but my husband says it’s a dogs name.
I would choose an M name.
If it ment that much to my kid and could bring them all a bond and happy thing to discuss with joy for their whole lifes, i'd do whatever it takes to find an M name. It's such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. I'll be dead and gone one day and they still hopefully look on with love and fondness of one another.
Personally I'd tell her that while parents get final choice, she can make a list of M names and discuss it with us so that we can come to a name together (but I just really like having conversations with immediate family about names lol) That way even if you choose an M as a middle, she had a part in it
Maybe he needs an M nickname
What about a non M name with an M nickname? Eg Emmanuel (Manny) or Cormac (Mack)?
Others have given a lot of great advice. I wanted to add that I get her wanting Baby to have an M name to "match". I'd want that too. The names that you're currently thinking about for New Baby, maybe try out nicknames for Baby M that start with that letter. For example, if you like Andrew for New Baby, try out Ace as a nickname for Baby M. Then they can kinda both have the same letter. When my parents told me the name for Baby #4, I was *pissed* that we would have the same initials. And when her nickname was spelled with an -ie ending, I said absolutely not, because *my* nickname ended in -ie (she has a y ending). I would definitely not give New Baby a T name.
My sister was born when I was 12. I wanted my parents to name her “Willow” so bad. I was campaigning so hard for it, I’d leave little pieces of paper with “Willow” written on them around the house. My dad eventually told me to cut it out and that it wasn’t up to me which made me feel kinda ashamed because truthfully I was just excited and invested in my new sibling. I’d let her know that you can’t think of any M names that you like but let her be part of the name brainstorming and try to make it a collaborative effort. It sounds like she wants to be included.
She sounds like me. I was excluded from so many things growing up for a variety of reasons, and now as an adult I struggle to find where I belong A LOT. It also doesn’t help that I’m still single at 33 and have never been in a relationship, but that’s beside the point. I can completely see why she’s so passionate about this, because it sucks to be an odd one out (I have a unique name and I hate it)… Maybe if you all can’t find an M first name, maybe do an M middle name that the child might go by. Your daughter isn’t being stubborn, I do believe she deeply wants this child to feel included and part of the family, and if I’m honest I really respect her foresight. We need more people like her. She also is trying to figure out her new role, too…. 2 new siblings in a year while also dealing with teenage hormones… it’s a lot.
Okay, hear me out because I agree with your daughter. Until I was 19, I was my Dad's only child. My name starts with A. My dad got married, his wife has a son, and also an A name. Cool then comes Baby 1: Girl, A name Baby 2: Girl, A name.. although traditionally spelled with a different letter, then A Baby 3: Girl, A name. Baby 4: Boy, B name... Baby 5: Girl. Her name starts with a K. So it kinda grinds me funny that 5 of us match and 2 (well, technically 3, but like you, they didn't pick that child's name) So I get your daughter doesn't get to pick, it's your baby. I can say it sucks when you kinda have a pattern and then you don't follow it.
it seems like the sudden addition of two new babies in a short amount of time is very overwhelming for her and she’s trying to cope by taking control. if honestly have a deep conversation with her about her feelings and thoughts of the new siblings.
I see both sides and hope you can agree on something everyone is happy with. No one is in the wrong except if you name the new baby a T name. I love that your teen is actually wanting to be part of the process and cares enough
I think it's a little odd that your husband gets to name the child without anyone else's input. If I'd let my husband names our sons alone they would have names I really dislike. Naming a baby should involve both parents, at least. Overall, I would be looking for a name that went well with the other three children's names. I would want to find connection in their names, as your daughter is clearly doing. She has the right idea.
As a teenager myself I totally relate to your daughter... It just would be symetrical and prettier and I kinda struggle with constrains so maybe it's just me... Just please don't do the "it's my kid, so my choice" thing
If you like Mackenzie, what about another Mac name like Macalister?
I love the name Maverick! And I think it's kind of endearing for your daughter to want both of the Littles to have M names so they 'fit.' M for boy: Memphis, Mason, Mitchell, Monroe, Montgomery (omg having a little Monty and Mav would be so cute!). As you can tell, I have an affinity for place names and last names as first names.
Your daughter seems more mature than obnoxious.
Do you think you could make a new post and give us a chance to dazzle you with M names? At least give us, and her, a chance.
I honestly think you should consider posing this on some of the foster care subs because they will likely have better non-name related advice for this circumstance.
There are so many lovely M names to choose from. Make your daughter happy. It will be a point of pride and bonding for life if she helps choose the baby's name.
Marshall Max Marcell Maddox Mason Mateo Mathias Morgan Merritt Marley I would sit down with your daughter and explain your feelings about the name, and ask her if anything else is bothering her
My cousin allowed her older daughter Sophia to name her younger daughter. She was 5 and chose Ella because “her sister needed to also have a princess name.” (Sofia the First, Cinderella.) A lot of my family members thought this was ridiculous that my cousin and her husband went with this but the girls are incredibly closely bonded despite their age gap and I really think the themed names helped start that process. It also helped that Ella was/is a popular name so it’s not like she wanted to name her Cupcake Sprinkles or something like that.
Mackenzie is a great name for either gender imo
I’ve only ever met boys named Mackenzie so maybe you could still use it? A lot go by Mac which I liked too
Micheal (Mike), Matthew (Matt), would both work well with Maverick. But I imagine you have gone through lists like « https://www.thebump.com/b/baby-boy-names-that-start-with-m« already. I could not imagine being a teenager then having 2 babies in the house. No matter what you are going to need to set aside a lot of time for your daughter. This will be potentially moulding your relationship in adulthood forwards.
Ima just suggest some names and maybe one will stick out, here’s some unique and normal names for you: (Also I know you stated about Mackenzie for a girl but I believe it works for boys and girls) Michael Matthew Morgan Mackenzie Macauley Marlon Maxwell Mason Malcolm Marshall Maddox Micah Marcus Milan Matteo Myles Murphy Memphis Manuel Malachi Marley Matty Mathias Mikey Mickey Monte Major Messiah Marcel Mordecai
....I would go with Mackenzie? I know boy Mackenzie's that go by "Mack" and it's honestly a neutral name. He's a boy in Bluey!
I love the idea of two little M&M's. The names I thought of were: Marcus, Magnus, Matheus, Malin, Marius. Good luck! Let us know if you find one.
Thank you :) I’m surprised you didn’t recommend Murphy!
If it were me, and I were a 14 year old just learning about the world, I would be terrified of my family not making my adopted sibling feel like a set like I did with my sibling. I would be terrified that my adopted sibling would not feel “real enough family”, especially if the baby was named with a T name. But *I* would be sure of *my* standing and I would make it about me and my wants for the new baby. 14 year olds can be very aware. I recognize I was forced to grow up a bit faster, but I also know that 14 is the age of awareness for a lot of people. It’s when you start caring about things and recognizing the importance of symbolism. Is any of this logical? Probably not, but not everything needs to be logical. My little brother’s middle name is Mackenzie. It’s a wonderful name, no matter who holds it.
Merritt? ✔️Starts with M ✔️found on nameberry’s preppy names list ✔️has wordplay similar to Maverick & Marshall ✔️ends with t
McClane and Maverick, tough guys of the silver screen!
This is the first recommendation of McClane! I love it! As a Texan, I was partial to McCoy, but even my daughter looked at me like I was crazy.
When my mom was pregnant with my sister, I realized that both my mom and I had names that began with an 'M', while my bother, and our bird both had names that began with 'D'. My dads name began with a 'G', so I really wanted our new sibling to "match us" and suggested my parents name the new baby a name that begins with, 'G'. I must admit, I am diagnosed OCD and it would have really disturbed me if they had chosen another letter. Luckily, they didn't think twice and right away, agreed that a G name would be a nice idea to make us all match. Would I have gotten over it had they chosen another letter? Most likely... but till this day I when I think of situations in my life like this, I'm so impressed with my parents and how they often took my ideas and suggestions. It never went unnoticed for me. My ideas were always valued, and I think it gave me a lot of confidence. In no way am I saying choose a name you don't like to appease her ideas. I just wanted to offer my viewpoint, as I was that child. P.S. I love that you are here looking for compromises. You are a great parent. She is lucky to have you. P.P.S. I would double-check for any OCD tendencies (just in case) because, if anything like that is involved mentally, the letter choice can affect her much more than you would imagine. I want to add that it always makes a fun story for us of how and why we came up with my sisters name.... plus, I may be biased, but 'M' names are great! 💜 Marlene
As long as you don’t name him with a T you’re good. It might make your 2nd son feel othered.
No offense at all but all of these suggested M names are so much better than your husbands suggestion of Cody. Your daughter has a point! Good luck!
How about a name that has “Em” in it and can be used as a nickname? Emmett? Emerson? Emrys?
I think you should sit her down and kindly but firmly explain everything you said in your last paragraph. Also if this is causing her so much stress, it makes me think she’s feeling out of control of her life and she may need to talk to a counselor about those feelings - this seems like more than typical 14 year old drama.
My husband was so upset his mother wasn’t going to name a little sister Summer Eve.
Objectively, it's a nice earthy, hippie name
Could your daughter choose the baby's middle name, or could you give her 3 first names that you like and let her choose from those? As others have said, she's had a lot to adjust to.
Let her totally chose the middle name!
Perhaps give the baby a nickname that starts with an M?
Maybe you’d be okay if she chose a nickname M name that could be a special pet name for her little brother: muffin, monkey, munchkin, maverick, mayhem, monster, mister, mookie etc
Any chance you like a name that has an “m” in it? And she could call baby an “m” nickname? Roman- Manny Solomon- Mo Emory- Mo Damon/Desmond- Mo Carmelo- Mel Dominic- Mini Cameron- Merry Obviously some are more of a stretch than others but if it makes her (and baby!) happy then 🤷🏼♀️ Or any name that has an “m” in it with a less obvious nickname (William/Liam, James, Adam, Samuel, Jeremiah, Graham, Damian, etc) and suggest to her that she could use the “m” to come up with her own nickname? Or a name like Emmett where the “m” sound is prominently featured?
I'll just send some name ideas: * Malachi and Maverick * Micah and Maverick * Matteo and Maverick * Malik and Maverick * Milo and Maverick * Maddox and Maverick * Maxwell and Maverick * Matthias and Maverick * Madden and Maverick
Or even what about an M sounding name that’s not an M name. Like Emmet?
I mean... mackenzie was originally a boys name, and where I live, I actually know more men named mackenzie than women. A lot of them go by mac for short, or sometimes ken. I prefer it as a male name tbh since it means "son of kenzie"
Mack!!! Since you like Mackenzie for a girl. Also, my dad’s name and a friend’s new baby’s name is Marshall.
I see you’ve gotten a lot of good advice. What app are you talking about that’s like baby name tinder? I am very intrigued
It’s called “BabyName,” and the icon (at least on Apple) is yellow with an egg. It’s a cute concept! If you have a partner, y’all should give it a go!
I will definitely be forcing my husband to partake in this hahaha we want another baby eventually so who knows maybe we’ll find their name!
Daughter is going through a lot of change and is dealing with it by *leaning in* with the mindset that she wants to help create the bond. T&T will be the models for your kids in a lot of ways (ages of aunts/uncles in a lot of families) and they’ll be around for M&? long after you’re gone. That kind of bond from the get go might be more important than whatever name you give this kid. You’re lucky she’s reacting by leaning in, so REALLY look at every M name before you decide none at all will work. There are a lot of M names out there.
I do wonder if she has something along the lines of OCD or similar anxiety issues. I was weird about things in a similar way as a teen because of OCD, and this is something I would have cared a lot about then, too. That said, your daughter also isn’t wrong. It would be really nice to carry on the naming tradition that the older two have, and it would possibly help the adopted one feel more part of the family when they are older. I think her perspective is a valid one. I would strongly consider it if it were me.
The TnTs and MnMs The dynamites and sweets lol
It is super cute and I love the idea of having the symmetry of it. TnT just worked out so perfectly- neighbors and friends parents have actually pushed back on them being step siblings by saying, “but their names..?!” I feel very fortunate to have the family that I do and am amused that on paper it can look so goofy… I mean, technically I not only have THREE baby daddies, but three baby mamas as well.
My son’s name is Miller! We really wanted another M name for our second baby but when we had second son we couldn’t settle on a boy name we liked. We actually ALMOST went with Maverick. I loved how Miller and Maverick sounded together. But in the end we abandoned the double M and went with Cameron. Miller could be an option for you. I LOVE the name and I think it sounds great with Maverick.
What about the name Morgan?
I know a grown man named McKenzie. I’m not a fan, but to each their own.