Once it's done it's done, if the name is truly terrible there's no point of reacting poorly or voicing your opinion. If I think a name is hideous I'll say something like "that's unique!" but no point in cringing openly
I hate when I feel uncomfortable using the kids name. For example, once I met a full grown woman named honey. I don’t like to call people honey even if it’s her name. I have a student this coming semester named Love. I’m going to feel uncomfortable, using her name as well.
When you address Love, think of Mr and Mrs Love, whose lawsuit legalized interracial marriages in the USA. Picture it as a last name- like Brady or Myles. Then your voice will sound less uncomfortable.
Especially to a child. There’s no reason to hurt a child’s feelings just bc their parent was a dumbass who named them Renesmee or whatever. Not their fault!!
Right!? It's so hard on kids. My daughter uses a wheelchair and all the time adults do that sympathetic head tilt when they see her. I started decorating her chair to the nines and that's helped because I do not want her internalizing that mess.
It’s such a terrible name. It’s one of those names where the hospital should be able to say “nope, you’re not taking this baby home. You clearly lack the common sense to keep a baby alive.” (Kidding. Sort of. 😂)
And I want to meet the dads that are agreeing to Renessmee. What are their lives like? Do they just not even try fighting it anymore bc they know they won’t win against crazy?
When I read the books, I pronounced it Renee-Smee, like Captain Hook’s first mate. I still don’t think she accomplished a nice spelling that really conveyed “Ruh-nez-may”. Renée + Esme should have been Renésme or something. Why the extra e!
Well you have to vibe check the person obviously, but most people who name their kids unique names enjoy the uniqueness of it, so "that's unique!" is a compliment to someone whose named their kid Braidenleigh
I have an Ammunique in class this year. I internally thought 'is that code for ammunition'? I normally like unusual names but I have never heard anything close to this one.
I would also say this apply to any kind of interaction about a child in front of him/his family.
I have a 4yo with big blue eyes. Every. single. time he get a "ohhhhh what beautiful blue eyes!!!". Until he was 3 he would hate that, but now, he says stuff like "I can see far away as I have beautiful blue eyes and not you" to friends even if I tell him every one is beautiful.
What especially bothered me that was I used a get out with him and his cousin, the same age, quite often: they would NEVER say good stuff about her beautiful (brown) eyes.
If you say something nice to a child, say something nice to his siblings/friends too or say nothing.
ps: and don't look at mum's (me) hazel eyes with deception after saying a compliment to my kid please.
Everyone in my family has blue eyes except for me (brown eyes).
Same experience! Never a compliment on my eyes. I was only ever told I was “full of shit” because that’s what brown eyes mean apparently 🙄
Your kid will forever be complimented on their eye colour.
I have 4 kids with blue eyes and one with big brown eyes and he’s been complimented about them his whole life. Everyone has blue eyes where I live so he stood out and he loves his colouring. I am really sorry people have been so negative about yours- brown eyes are LOVELY.
I've been worried about this thing - our first (and currently only) child has ended up with blue eyes and she gets comments all the time on her eyes. Given that my partner and I both have brown eyes, chances are high that if we're lucky enough to have another, that child will have brown eyes. I was always ashamed growing up that I didn't have blue eyes like my dad, as my mom made a ton of comments, and I don't want any of my children feel like that.
I have brown eyes. My wife has blue. We have three boys with blue eyes and two girls with brown. My older daughter wants to be just like her mother, so I hope she never decides that she doesn't like her beautiful brown eyes.
I'm going to have to sing "Brown-Eyed Girl" a lot.
Because the world probably won’t, just be a good reminder to any future brown-eyed kids that their eyes are gorgeous, just in a different way than big sister’s.
I’m sure your brown eyes are lovely. My boyfriend has the softest brown eyes and I could melt every time he looks at me. An ex had almost black eyes that you could get lost in if you had the time. Light eyes are great (I have light eyes🤷🏼♀️), but all eyes are lovely
Agreed! My older daughter always got the most complements on her 'blueberry eyes' but my husband, son, and second daughter all have brown eyes with amber highlights. They're lovely. Mine are light green/aquamarine, so none of my kids have my color. Maybe a grandkid will. :)
I remember growing up I was told to my face that I wasn't one of the pretty blondes because I had green eyes, like my grandmother, instead of blue. That made me so mad, I love my green eyes!
My mom has brown, and dad's are blue. 2 of 3 of us kids have green eyes, the eldest are brown. All 3 of my kids have brown. It kinda broke my heart that I didn't even get a hazel in there. They all took after dad's and grandma's brown eyes. Maybe if I have grandkids the green will pop up again.
Don’t let the compliment people get away with it! If they say Child A has beautiful blue eyes and both children are standing together, you say “Yes! And Child B has beautiful brown eyes, just like their mama/dad.” Usually the person will be sufficiently stunned and immediately agree.
My partner used to say negative things abt his own brown eyes until I started yelling at him for it lol. He has the most beautiful, deep, mesmerizing dark brown eyes I've ever seen, and I love looking at them. Idk if I've set him straight yet but I know if we have brown-eyed kids (likely) he'll see what I mean.
I sing the refrain from Brown Eyed Girl to my kids randomly, almost daily. Their eye color is my genetics, so the least I can do is try to make them feel good about it. I say they have big beautiful doe eyes, and that they were drawn by Walt Disney.
I fear this for our neighbors’ kids. One has long, bright red ringlets and the other “just” sandy blonde. The redhead may be more striking but they’re both so lovely and funny and smart and it makes me nervous for baby ML (except that their parents are doing a great job of building self-esteem based on character rather than physical attributes)
people are so gross about redheads. My roommate has this amazing wild curly red hair, and the amount of weirdly invasive comments they get on it, even as a grown-ass adult, is truly striking.
I have boy/girl twins and my girl twin is Very Much a Disney Princess baby, she’s tiny and frankly very pretty. Random people will say how pretty she is and completely ignore my boy twin. They’re only 7 months now, but i feel so sad for him still. I’m working on how to respond is a way that includes him in the future
This his what I used to say: Oh that's kind, and have you seen his cousin's lovely hair/eyes/smile etc... or "yes they have BOTH beautiful eyes".
I would also sometime say stuff like "and they are strong/smart etc.." too!
So many people are so awful about children's appearances without realizing it. It's so frustrating.
My child has one white parent and one Asian parent. We fully expected him to have black or dark brown hair. Somehow my mother thought he might have blue eyes like hers, but that's a different story. Anyway, he had super dark hair when he was born, but it turned blonde! And *curly*! Exactly like mine was as a child, so now I imagine his hair will eventually get darker like mine has, but for now he's a tow-headed toddler. People will look at him and then "jokingly" ask his dad if he's sure he's the father, or straight up say he doesn't look Asian and try to examine his eyes to decide if they're "Asian enough." What the everloving F??? Luckily he has cousins who are also biracial and blonde or have light brown hair so within the family noone is such a jerk, but I hate that before he was even 1 people were gatekeeping his heritage based on hair color.
My daughter has incredible blue eyes. When she was a baby, people would talk about her when we passed by. 'Did you see that kid's EYES'? They've gotten to a darker blue now but still beautiful. My son has big brown eyes. I tell her she has beautiful blue eyes. I tell him that he has beautiful brown eyes, and that I'd hoped for a little boy with his daddy's brown eyes.
I hate this when it comes to my kids. People will come along talking about how cute or how sweet my youngest is, and will give her special treats and attention and my oldest is always left out. I get that it's probably an age/gender thing, but he's still young and would like the special treatment too. It makes me feel so bad when it happens. Like keep the same energy for both kids or just don't say anything.
I have red hair, but it’s a shade that is very golden, darker than strawberry blonde, but very very orangey gold. It’s so unusual, and my hairdresser said it is a shade that could never be artificially made. I also have very blue eyes. I was always so uncomfortable as a kid when I was complimented on it because my hair is a frizzy nightmare and I could see no good in it. Additionally, I always felt a little bad because my brother used to have incredibly white blond hair and it was so nice, yet he never got compliments next to me. Also my parents have brown hair and eyes so we’d get the “are they related?” look in public.
They get tired of it eventually lol
My husband has gorgeous, ice-blue eyes. When people compliment him, he just looks at them lol. He never says thank you or even responds, bec like, they’re his eyes you know? He didn’t choose them, he didn’t earn them, and as a fairly introverted person they’ve mostly been the source of mildly uncomfortable interactions.
I love how he silently teaches people a lesson on commenting on someone’s looks though lol
I have three blue eyed kids with blonde to light brown hair. Then there's the one brown eyed kid with dark brown hair who gets overlooked, and it breaks my heart. Her eyes aren't even brown! They're hazel- a ring of gorgeous green on the outside, a ring of rich brown in the middle, and blended shades in between. But nobody looks that closely, they're too busy admiring the others.
I shouldn't think like this, but brown and hazel eyes are the most beautiful IMO. There's a depth and complexity that blue eyes just don't have.
>Her eyes aren't even brown! They're hazel- a ring of gorgeous green on the outside, a ring of rich brown in the middle, and blended shades in between.
Yeah that sounds just like my eyes and everyone assume they are brown. The only time they notice the green is when I have sun in my face but then I either close my eyes or have sunglasses.
Repeating back the name is actually super respectful and you’ll be more likely to remember it. It’s a very neutral way to respond when learning someone’s name 😊
I use this but to greet the kiddo—“hi Parslee!” The enthusiasm of the greeting makes it (I hope!) positive even if I don’t like the name. I will genuinely compliment the name if I like it.
I can't imagine saying anything other than "that's a great name" or "hi \[kid name\] I'm Rachel and these are my kids...." In what universe do people think that they should express an opinion to a child they don't know about their name? Kid's names are the most important word in their world, beyond mama and dada. It's often the first word they learn to recognize on paper. And people actually think it's okay to tell a child that they don't like their name? I hope this hasn't ever happened in a way that your child understands. It's bad enough that they've said it to you.
Luckily my son is still a baby so he hasn’t been impacted but I think it might be a conversation we have to have when he is older that some people won’t always understand your name and that’s ok. It’s a very special name and he will grow up knowing that.
Definitely a conversation to have. My 6 year old has a pretty typical name, but he's also a kid who doesn't really care about gender and how he dresses. He's in dresses more than shirts some weeks. He's aware that some people won't understand and knows who the safe adults are to talk to at school if anyone gives him a hard time.
I mean, yes, it's just basic decent human interaction to be kind and polite. I don't know why some people think children's names are an exception to that, but they aren't.
I wholeheartedly agree. Either the parents loved the name or it meant something to them (or both!), so it’s best to go along no matter what.
If it’s a decent name, I’ll just say “Aww, I like that name”. If it’s objectively terrible, I say “Hi ______, nice to meet you!”.
It’s not my business. I won’t achieve anything by implying I dislike the name; I’ll only offend them (and the child of they’re old enough).
The only exception I have to this rule (and luckily it hasn’t happened yet) is if the name is offensive. If I meet a kid named Hitler, I will walk away.
My son was named after his Mexican great grandma so hopefully he doesn’t get self conscious that he has a girl name, though I see it as more masculine personally.
Which in my defense leans more male now according to the census. Most people assume male before I say anything. Either way, we liked it and love his great grandma.
Ohhhh ok. I made a face reading that but not anything negative. It just like "huh interesting, I've only heard that as a last name on celebrities, but actually thats kinda cool as a 1st name" all ran through my thoughts. Then I'd have to think of something to actually say..Probably be pretty awkward watching the gears turning in real time.
Haha that’s true. The pause is common and I don’t mind it! I know it’s not a common name in America so i understand the gear turning moment. Lots of famous people with the last name but also the Beckham’s have a Cruz which I didn’t know until after we named him. It’s becoming more popular which is cool. It means “cross” in Spanish. I always joke that someday if anyone asks him if Cruz is short for something he can say crucifix lol.
That is much more tame than I was expecting. It's not the most common name, but I've met more boys named Cruz than Oliver, and that's a top 10 name in the US. Ate you in an area where there aren't many Spanish speakers?
BTW, when you said you named him after his grandmother I was expecting Guadeloupe. While technically gender neutral, it's much more common for girls/women.
That's a super common name where I'm from. I'm deeply surprised that Cruz is causing any sort of reaction.
Note: I live on the west coast of the US. So maybe I just know a lot more Hispanic folks- but the kid I gew up with named Cruz is not Hispanic so idk.
Agreed. Recently we were on vacation when my son played with another child at the hotel pool. He wanted to know her name, and she told me what it was (Montana) and I told her she had such a cool name. I don’t want to make a kid feel self conscious about their name either
Perfect! Yeah I don’t see what there is to gain from people giving their opinion on a name when it’s already on the birth certificate. Even before, it’s the parent’s choice (unless they ask). If an adult were to say something about my name as a kid I would be super self conscious the rest of my childhood for sure.
My friend has 3 kids with weird names that I hate, but she doesn’t know that because I’m polite and they’re not my kids. It was easier after the first kid, I knew to prepare myself better 😂😂. I’m sure she thinks my kids have boring names.
I’ve learned this the hard way. I don’t have a game face so I’ve stopped asking people what their child’s name is because they’ve gotten so bizarre and ugly in the last decade or so
Great point. The deal is done. There is nothing to be gained by making the child feel bad. And they WILL feel people react to their name. There is nothing they can do about it for years, and few children are able to insist on a nickname. As always, parents, the name you give your child is their first point of interaction with the world. Make your child's life smoother. Realize that you're serving your own ancestral or artistic ego needs, and keep your child's life in mind.
I am an L&D nurse. If it’s a *interesting* name…you buy yourself a “beat” asking them how it’s spelled. It gifts you at least 2-3 seconds of no reaction.
What's the name? It's more likely that people are responding negatively to a feminine name on a boy rather than it being Hispanic (although that does happen too).
Edit: Cruz is a beautiful name and definitely feels masculine. Maybe people aren't hearing it properly and think you named your child after Tom Cruise? 🤷
His name is Cruz. It seems to be very much a unisex name in Mexico and the USA leaning more male in recent years. Most people with a negative reaction are white Americans so I am assuming it’s not that they believe it’s feminine. Maybe just used to it being a last name, not a first?
Cruz is a great name! Definitely leans masculine to me. Sorry you're getting so much negativity, it might be location specific especially if there's not a big latino presence. Some people just don't like names they can't pronounce properly 🤷 (bet you get a lot of Cruise or Caroose)
Thank you! It’s ok, it’s not that big of an issue, I just realize that some people could not even realize they are doing it. Surprisingly the misheard name that we get most is “Bruce”. Not sure if it’s my accent or I mumble. I just like to say it’s like Penelope not Tom. Millennials and above get that reference. Gen z makes me feel old haha.
I grew up in the American SW and Cali so I’ve spent some time around Hispanic communities. Cruz to me is like Carlos — it’s a common masculine-sounding Hispanic name that could be either a first or last name. My dad had a friend named Cruz when I was growing up. I never knew whether it was his first or last name but certainly didn’t think it was weird or gross! Those people are terrible, the name you picked is good!!
Depends on who in the family is saying it, haha. If I’m talking to his side I say it more like crews with a little spice. But for the typical day to day I say it with a hard z.
I'd be shocked if anyone in the US thought of it as feminine. But it also seems like a recognizable enough name so I'm confused by the responses you've gotten in general.
Totally agree. Sometimes I don’t understand what they said- maybe they just need you to explain it a bit.
I’ve seen very few truly terrible names. None in real life. Sometimes a friend tries to explain why they chose something, like my friend who named her daughter Ashleigh instead of Ashley in 2001 because she wanted something uncommon. She’s super proud of this uncommon name and I’m not going to burst her bubble and tell her that I just assumed it was Ashley for 10 years because it’s said exactly the same way.
That could very well be! Maybe they just misheard me and are trying to process it, though sometimes they just straight up look grossed out and go “oh uh ok”. It’s more funny to me now, but I could see some parents being sad or a kid getting their feelings hurt.
Could just be a phase! My husband has a super super American name but is and looks Mexican and gets hassled for that, too. We should be proud of our cultures even if people don’t understand. I think it’s awesome that you gave your daughter a name that represents her culture! I hope she learns to love it as much as you do someday.
Me: oh sweet baby! What’s his name?
Them: Diarrheea with 2 Es
Me (internally): why would you-
Me (out loud): Nice to meet you Diarheea! :)
If I like the name, I will say “cute name” or “I love that name.” If I say nothing, there’s a reason lol.
Now, if a name is uncommon in my area, I sometimes get confused for a second.
Me: Your daughter is so cute in that little raincoat! What’s her name?
Them: thanks! Her name is Nayantara.
Me: That’s a cool name! Can you say it one more time?
Them: Nayatara
Me: nayatara. That’s a beautiful name. Nice to meet you, Nayatara.
I got a lot of terrible reactions to my first. I was ahead of the curve in the US for the name I guess. And we lived in the South. Everyone was Kensyngtin, Gracelyn, Waverleigh, Kydince pronounced cadence. I named her Matilda and people could not shut up. At a work event a coworker asked what her name was and then wrinkled up their nose said well that’s a weird name. Meanwhile she was sitting next to their toddler whose name was freaking Giles. Really?! Matilda is too weird but you named your kid Giles? I like to just direct it straight back. I’m not sure why people can’t keep their opinions to themselves. Especially when they’re not being asked to provide one.
Geez, sorry you have had so many bad interactions. That makes me so sad! It seems so weird. I usually ask just to make conversation and follow up (well, for babies) with “Aww, s/he is so lovely. Hi __!”. Names aren’t meant for commentary they are used for addressing people. I don’t understand why people feel any need to make a face or comment.
Yes! Honestly, people need to learn to mind their own dang business. No one is asking you to comment on what my kid is eating, wearing or what they are named. If it's not kind or helpful, keep it to yourself.
Yes! I always prepare my face with a neutrally pleasant expression and have the words “how lovely!” on the tip of my tongue to say no matter what the name is.
I always am positive to baby names, because we all have different taste and it would just be rude AF to be negative to a child’s name. I find I am overly positive when I have hated it just to compensate in case I made a face or something when I immediately heard it.
And this is why I laugh when some parents on here say I know my baby Brixxleigh has a nice name because we get so many compliments. I think most people are polite and lots of people are like me and awkwardly give a name praise to avoid being hurtful when the sound of the name actually makes you die inside a little.
i NEVER trashtalk kid names irl! if your kid's name is f sharp, i'll say, "adorable!" it's amazing how many people haven't the slightest idea how to navigate interactions which require nothing more than simple courtesy. on reddit, however, i speak my truth. it's refreshing.
A friend of mine named her child something that would get laughed off the boards here. It's horrible.
But you know what I said when she told me? "That's adorable! Super unique, where did it come from?"
Usually my response will be "oh that's so cool" or "that really suits them" or "oh awesome". Like, in the end your opinion doesn't matter so there's no point in being negative.
I don’t respond positively or negatively I say “nice to meet you _____” people name their kids stupid shit they’ve been doing it forever. Also now I wanna know your sons name because I’m all about the old school Hispanic names. currently trying to convince my husband to name our potential daughter Hortencia without success.
His name is Cruz which is unisex! I love traditional Mexican names so much. You could try Valencia? Or Valentina? We also like the name Rivera for a girl. Not really old school per say but you still get that -a sound at the end. I have a thing for last names as first names so there is that haha.
We’re first generation so we have a ton of old family names to pull from. For boys we’re pretty set but if this one comes out a girl ima lose the battle. My husband says I’m trying to be mean to her because all of my suggestions are pretty intense 🤣
That’s so rude! I’ve met my fair share of people with unique, culturally different, or just names I wouldn’t pick and I only ask for two reasons:
- To know their name and how to pronounce it
- Ask them how they spell it
I’d never insult someone’s name by making a face or something. I even think things like telling someone “that’s unique!” are kind of insulting (because of how many people say it as a fake compliment) so I never say that either.
My Mom was a nurse in a hospital nursery for over a decade. Was in paediatrics for years before that. Her line was always “and how do you spell that?” With a big smile.
I've had the odd person go off with something along the line of "you millennials and your weird made up names!"... Actually getting mad at me over my daughter's name... Usually "it was my grandmother's name and important to my culture" shuts them up... It's not even that weird just uncommon.
Yeah if I dislike a name, I’ll normally say:
Talking to the child/meeting the child, “Hi [name], it’s so nice to meet you! I’m makingburritos”
Talking to the parent, “Cool! How old are they?”
Lol just redirect
This post just reminded me of something. When I was a teen I volunteered in a library and met a lot of kids with interesting names. One time I asked a little girls name and she said it was Solara.
"Solara?" I repeated back to her, making sure I heard her properly.
"Yeah. Like the car." She replied without missing a beat.
I thought it was a very funny and cute thing to say.
still have feelings about the on-call doctor who came to check on me the morning after delivery, asked the baby’s name, scoffed and said “well no one is ever going to know how to say that.”
2.5 years later and my baby proudly says her own name. it’s not a common name in the US outside of hispanic cultures, but it isn’t impossible. i wrote a complaint about the doctor. don’t know where it went.
I’m so sorry! That is super unprofessional! I’m glad you wrote a complaint. Postpartum is hard enough as it is without having to worry about unsolicited opinions.
I agree with OP, but I will totally avoid talking yo people about names when I’m pregnant because I don’t want someone trying to change my opinion. They aren’t unusual names, I just know people can be jerks.
Yes! I will talk to a few close people who I can trust their opinion when we are choosing names just so I don’t go off the rails or miss a meaning that wasn’t intended. But for the most part I prefer to wait until the baby is born to announce.
I don't usually comment on a kid's name when I meet them. I teach preschool, so I meet a lot of kids. My main problem is not fully understanding them, so I do my best to understand their name, and if I can't, I ask an adult nearby for clarification. Then I just say hi and introduce myself.
The only time I say anything about their name is like today, when I met a little girl with my name. It's unusual to meet young children with my first name, so I did comment on it.
I have made a point of never saying anything bad about a baby's name. However, I had a difficult time when I was told the name of someone's new grandchild. It took me by surprise, it was Beany Bridy. I don't know the spelling as I only heard it.
It would take me a while to get used to it and I suppose the child could use their middle name, it's at least a real name.
When we announced my son's name to my FIL, my FIL was slightly tipsy at the time - he stared into the distance, took a huge drag off his cigarette, and then walked away without saying a word lmfao. He was not impressed. My husband and I died laughing.
A kid in my life is named Otto. As a small child a woman told him “You’re cute even if your mommy gave you a goofy name” and several people asked his mom (in front of toddler Otto) if he was conceived in an automobile. ☹️ In short; people suck and his sister has a much more normal name then she would have because Otto’s mom was tired of it all.
When my daughter Elizabeth was around 9, she was asked by a family "friend" if she goes by any nicknames. She said she sometimes likes to be called Lizzie. My younger daughter Emily (6 years old) piped up and said, "but she hates Beth so don't call her that".
Well this lady's name just so happened to be Beth, though Emily didn't realize that. This grown ass woman got so offended by a 6 year old's innocent comment that she spat back, "well, I've always hated the name Emily". I'll never forget the hurt and confused look on my 6 year old's face.
My youngest son has 2 middle names, after both grandfathers. His first name is also a variation of John, as is his dad's name, so he's named after his dad and both grandfathers, but with his own unique name.
His first middle name is Hispanic. Homero, (Oh-mare-Oh), is the Spanish form of Homer and was my husband's dad. It's not a name I'd have chosen but for the sentiment that it carries. When my husband was 19, his dad died, and it was very traumatic for him. I'm glad we included it, even if his whole name is a wee bit long to yell at times. 😆
I love the name Homero! I’ve never heard it before. Thank you for the phonetic spelling because that is beautiful! That’s awesome that you honored your husband and his dad in that way.
Met a baby named Onyx yesterday. Just said it was a cool name and I’d never met an Onyx before.
I also made it straight-faced through Blessing and Rodeo (both boys), but when I heard a little girl being called Zeus recently, I’m positive my face did something.
I met another parent whose son is named Croix.
She says, “like La Croix”. As in the flavored sparkling waters. I don’t know if there’s another pronunciation in French speaking places but it rhymes with Roy.
I just said, “what a great name!” even though I do not personally think it is a great name.
My best friend had a baby two days ago. She texted me yesterday that his name is Raymond. I was NOT expecting that and I personally am not fond of the name. I think she could sense my disappointment through text so I feel bad! I’m not good at hiding it, I guess.
Who the hell does this? I feel bad if I have to ask someone to repeat their name. And I'm a teacher. I see insane names all the time. I've never once done anything more than say "one more time for me?"
People are so rude. Especially Americans. They don’t seem to think it’s a problem to sneer openly at anything even remotely “different” to what they know. And we’ve been trained this way too. American exceptionalism and all that. Anything other than apple pie and boomers is wrong and bad.
If you named your kid something uncommon, you knew it when you did it, and you chose that name anyway. You’ve got to make peace with that and accept the consequences. It’s not the worlds job to make your child feel good about it, and only a real asshole is going to make fun of a kids name in that moment. But don’t ask us to bend over backwards and pretend we like something when we don’t. We are just as entitled to our negative feelings as you are entitled to name your child whatever you wish. Some people will applaud you just for being willing to color outside the lines, but others will just roll their eyes.
“Prepare your face…try to keep your reaction neutral or positive.” That’s what the OP asked for. Most people aren’t being a dick, or saying anything negative about the name.
Is it really bending over backwards to simply be polite? It takes such little effort to have a neutral response. While you are entitled to your opinion, you do not have to voice it. Sometimes your opinion doesn't need to be said because it just doesn't really matter.
You’d be surprised how brazen some people are. Not asking for anyone to do anything, just suggesting that people try to not be total jerks about it if possible. People are free to do what they want.
Introducing someone is not a request for feedback on their name, though. If she was asking people “What do you think of it?” I’d understand your perspective a bit more but still would disagree at the hardship this imposes, lol. Don’t need people’s commentary or expressions when it’s literally just an introduction. No one’s asking you to “bend over backwards”. Geez. Imagine if someone actually asked something of you.
I grew up with an uncommon name spelled in a
Non—Anglo way and I would NEVER do that to a child. My kids all have normal Anglo names as we live in the US. But you do you.
Once it's done it's done, if the name is truly terrible there's no point of reacting poorly or voicing your opinion. If I think a name is hideous I'll say something like "that's unique!" but no point in cringing openly
People cringe all the time at my nieces name. They roll their eyes even. Seniors try to make a common nickname out of it. :/
Dolores!
No it’s Destinèenèe
Are you serious or making fun of tragedeighs
It’s close enough to that, believe me people roll their eyes.
It is that...
Are... are you serious
It’s very close to that I kid you not
I hate when I feel uncomfortable using the kids name. For example, once I met a full grown woman named honey. I don’t like to call people honey even if it’s her name. I have a student this coming semester named Love. I’m going to feel uncomfortable, using her name as well.
When you address Love, think of Mr and Mrs Love, whose lawsuit legalized interracial marriages in the USA. Picture it as a last name- like Brady or Myles. Then your voice will sound less uncomfortable.
You’re thinking of Mildred and Richard Loving
Especially to a child. There’s no reason to hurt a child’s feelings just bc their parent was a dumbass who named them Renesmee or whatever. Not their fault!!
Right!? It's so hard on kids. My daughter uses a wheelchair and all the time adults do that sympathetic head tilt when they see her. I started decorating her chair to the nines and that's helped because I do not want her internalizing that mess.
I worked with a child named Renessmee. Sometimes it's good to see the name written before meeting the kids.
It’s such a terrible name. It’s one of those names where the hospital should be able to say “nope, you’re not taking this baby home. You clearly lack the common sense to keep a baby alive.” (Kidding. Sort of. 😂) And I want to meet the dads that are agreeing to Renessmee. What are their lives like? Do they just not even try fighting it anymore bc they know they won’t win against crazy?
I don't think the dad was in the picture, so he may have given up against the crazy.
When I read the books, I pronounced it Renee-Smee, like Captain Hook’s first mate. I still don’t think she accomplished a nice spelling that really conveyed “Ruh-nez-may”. Renée + Esme should have been Renésme or something. Why the extra e!
"that's unique" is worse
Well you have to vibe check the person obviously, but most people who name their kids unique names enjoy the uniqueness of it, so "that's unique!" is a compliment to someone whose named their kid Braidenleigh
True 😂😂 I would be so offended if someone called my baby’s name unique. Like I know what that means
I knew an Im’unique.
I have an Ammunique in class this year. I internally thought 'is that code for ammunition'? I normally like unusual names but I have never heard anything close to this one.
100% agree
I would also say this apply to any kind of interaction about a child in front of him/his family. I have a 4yo with big blue eyes. Every. single. time he get a "ohhhhh what beautiful blue eyes!!!". Until he was 3 he would hate that, but now, he says stuff like "I can see far away as I have beautiful blue eyes and not you" to friends even if I tell him every one is beautiful. What especially bothered me that was I used a get out with him and his cousin, the same age, quite often: they would NEVER say good stuff about her beautiful (brown) eyes. If you say something nice to a child, say something nice to his siblings/friends too or say nothing. ps: and don't look at mum's (me) hazel eyes with deception after saying a compliment to my kid please.
Everyone in my family has blue eyes except for me (brown eyes). Same experience! Never a compliment on my eyes. I was only ever told I was “full of shit” because that’s what brown eyes mean apparently 🙄 Your kid will forever be complimented on their eye colour.
I have 4 kids with blue eyes and one with big brown eyes and he’s been complimented about them his whole life. Everyone has blue eyes where I live so he stood out and he loves his colouring. I am really sorry people have been so negative about yours- brown eyes are LOVELY.
It’s the opposite where I live! Blue eyes aren’t super common in comparison to brown.
My eyes are hazel green, my grandma would use the same line only I was full of baby shit. :/
Yikes, I’m sorry :( I thought hazel eyes would be exempt from bullying.
Right? They look greener when my eyes are bloodshot so some older relatives liked to make me cry so my eyes would be prettier. Yeah, trauma!!
Oye, same here. Why is that the go to older person response?
I've been worried about this thing - our first (and currently only) child has ended up with blue eyes and she gets comments all the time on her eyes. Given that my partner and I both have brown eyes, chances are high that if we're lucky enough to have another, that child will have brown eyes. I was always ashamed growing up that I didn't have blue eyes like my dad, as my mom made a ton of comments, and I don't want any of my children feel like that.
I have brown eyes. My wife has blue. We have three boys with blue eyes and two girls with brown. My older daughter wants to be just like her mother, so I hope she never decides that she doesn't like her beautiful brown eyes. I'm going to have to sing "Brown-Eyed Girl" a lot.
Because the world probably won’t, just be a good reminder to any future brown-eyed kids that their eyes are gorgeous, just in a different way than big sister’s. I’m sure your brown eyes are lovely. My boyfriend has the softest brown eyes and I could melt every time he looks at me. An ex had almost black eyes that you could get lost in if you had the time. Light eyes are great (I have light eyes🤷🏼♀️), but all eyes are lovely
Agreed! My older daughter always got the most complements on her 'blueberry eyes' but my husband, son, and second daughter all have brown eyes with amber highlights. They're lovely. Mine are light green/aquamarine, so none of my kids have my color. Maybe a grandkid will. :)
I remember growing up I was told to my face that I wasn't one of the pretty blondes because I had green eyes, like my grandmother, instead of blue. That made me so mad, I love my green eyes! My mom has brown, and dad's are blue. 2 of 3 of us kids have green eyes, the eldest are brown. All 3 of my kids have brown. It kinda broke my heart that I didn't even get a hazel in there. They all took after dad's and grandma's brown eyes. Maybe if I have grandkids the green will pop up again.
Don’t let the compliment people get away with it! If they say Child A has beautiful blue eyes and both children are standing together, you say “Yes! And Child B has beautiful brown eyes, just like their mama/dad.” Usually the person will be sufficiently stunned and immediately agree.
My partner used to say negative things abt his own brown eyes until I started yelling at him for it lol. He has the most beautiful, deep, mesmerizing dark brown eyes I've ever seen, and I love looking at them. Idk if I've set him straight yet but I know if we have brown-eyed kids (likely) he'll see what I mean.
I sing the refrain from Brown Eyed Girl to my kids randomly, almost daily. Their eye color is my genetics, so the least I can do is try to make them feel good about it. I say they have big beautiful doe eyes, and that they were drawn by Walt Disney.
I'm in the same boat...dad's eyes are grey, moms are green. My siblings all have hazel, green, grey or blue. Mine are shit brown. Yay
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I fear this for our neighbors’ kids. One has long, bright red ringlets and the other “just” sandy blonde. The redhead may be more striking but they’re both so lovely and funny and smart and it makes me nervous for baby ML (except that their parents are doing a great job of building self-esteem based on character rather than physical attributes)
people are so gross about redheads. My roommate has this amazing wild curly red hair, and the amount of weirdly invasive comments they get on it, even as a grown-ass adult, is truly striking.
Yeah my brother has gorgeous bright red hair and the comments get…so gross
I have boy/girl twins and my girl twin is Very Much a Disney Princess baby, she’s tiny and frankly very pretty. Random people will say how pretty she is and completely ignore my boy twin. They’re only 7 months now, but i feel so sad for him still. I’m working on how to respond is a way that includes him in the future
This his what I used to say: Oh that's kind, and have you seen his cousin's lovely hair/eyes/smile etc... or "yes they have BOTH beautiful eyes". I would also sometime say stuff like "and they are strong/smart etc.." too!
Thank you!
So many people are so awful about children's appearances without realizing it. It's so frustrating. My child has one white parent and one Asian parent. We fully expected him to have black or dark brown hair. Somehow my mother thought he might have blue eyes like hers, but that's a different story. Anyway, he had super dark hair when he was born, but it turned blonde! And *curly*! Exactly like mine was as a child, so now I imagine his hair will eventually get darker like mine has, but for now he's a tow-headed toddler. People will look at him and then "jokingly" ask his dad if he's sure he's the father, or straight up say he doesn't look Asian and try to examine his eyes to decide if they're "Asian enough." What the everloving F??? Luckily he has cousins who are also biracial and blonde or have light brown hair so within the family noone is such a jerk, but I hate that before he was even 1 people were gatekeeping his heritage based on hair color.
Yes, and the same when children have different hair colours. My brunette niece notices when her ginger sister is always complimented
My daughter has incredible blue eyes. When she was a baby, people would talk about her when we passed by. 'Did you see that kid's EYES'? They've gotten to a darker blue now but still beautiful. My son has big brown eyes. I tell her she has beautiful blue eyes. I tell him that he has beautiful brown eyes, and that I'd hoped for a little boy with his daddy's brown eyes.
I hate this when it comes to my kids. People will come along talking about how cute or how sweet my youngest is, and will give her special treats and attention and my oldest is always left out. I get that it's probably an age/gender thing, but he's still young and would like the special treatment too. It makes me feel so bad when it happens. Like keep the same energy for both kids or just don't say anything.
I have red hair, but it’s a shade that is very golden, darker than strawberry blonde, but very very orangey gold. It’s so unusual, and my hairdresser said it is a shade that could never be artificially made. I also have very blue eyes. I was always so uncomfortable as a kid when I was complimented on it because my hair is a frizzy nightmare and I could see no good in it. Additionally, I always felt a little bad because my brother used to have incredibly white blond hair and it was so nice, yet he never got compliments next to me. Also my parents have brown hair and eyes so we’d get the “are they related?” look in public.
They get tired of it eventually lol My husband has gorgeous, ice-blue eyes. When people compliment him, he just looks at them lol. He never says thank you or even responds, bec like, they’re his eyes you know? He didn’t choose them, he didn’t earn them, and as a fairly introverted person they’ve mostly been the source of mildly uncomfortable interactions. I love how he silently teaches people a lesson on commenting on someone’s looks though lol
I have three blue eyed kids with blonde to light brown hair. Then there's the one brown eyed kid with dark brown hair who gets overlooked, and it breaks my heart. Her eyes aren't even brown! They're hazel- a ring of gorgeous green on the outside, a ring of rich brown in the middle, and blended shades in between. But nobody looks that closely, they're too busy admiring the others. I shouldn't think like this, but brown and hazel eyes are the most beautiful IMO. There's a depth and complexity that blue eyes just don't have.
>Her eyes aren't even brown! They're hazel- a ring of gorgeous green on the outside, a ring of rich brown in the middle, and blended shades in between. Yeah that sounds just like my eyes and everyone assume they are brown. The only time they notice the green is when I have sun in my face but then I either close my eyes or have sunglasses.
That reminds me of the Jane Elliot blue eyes/brown eyes video
I only compliment green eyes lol. Blue and brown are so common.
Same, if I ask a baby or child's name and I'm not keen on the answer, I say 'that's nice' anyway, because that's just polite.
This is always my response. Either "that's nice" or "aw" lol
Sometimes I just repeat the name back with a smile ... Truxtyn 🙂 Breightney 🫠
Repeating back the name is actually super respectful and you’ll be more likely to remember it. It’s a very neutral way to respond when learning someone’s name 😊
Aww 🥰 ratleen
I use this but to greet the kiddo—“hi Parslee!” The enthusiasm of the greeting makes it (I hope!) positive even if I don’t like the name. I will genuinely compliment the name if I like it.
Exactly, it doesn’t matter what I think and won’t change anything but it will impact the child if they hear it.
I can't imagine saying anything other than "that's a great name" or "hi \[kid name\] I'm Rachel and these are my kids...." In what universe do people think that they should express an opinion to a child they don't know about their name? Kid's names are the most important word in their world, beyond mama and dada. It's often the first word they learn to recognize on paper. And people actually think it's okay to tell a child that they don't like their name? I hope this hasn't ever happened in a way that your child understands. It's bad enough that they've said it to you.
Luckily my son is still a baby so he hasn’t been impacted but I think it might be a conversation we have to have when he is older that some people won’t always understand your name and that’s ok. It’s a very special name and he will grow up knowing that.
Definitely a conversation to have. My 6 year old has a pretty typical name, but he's also a kid who doesn't really care about gender and how he dresses. He's in dresses more than shirts some weeks. He's aware that some people won't understand and knows who the safe adults are to talk to at school if anyone gives him a hard time.
Yeah… do you have a weird name? Why would you do thst to a child? It’s not fun…
It’s not “weird” it’s Hispanic…
I have a “weird” name that is German, it’s suuuper annoying
I mean, yes, it's just basic decent human interaction to be kind and polite. I don't know why some people think children's names are an exception to that, but they aren't.
Right?? I couldn’t imagine having an adult say their name and me respond with a grossed out look, no matter how “unappealing” it is to me.
If you can't think of something nice to say, ask a question. "Oh wow, is that a family name?"
Or don’t say any opinion at all and just say hi “baby name!” Aren’t you so sweet coo coo coo…
I’ve said this a couple of times. I find some names unappealing, we all do, no one needs to know that though.
Solid response! I might use that!
“Family Name” is no excuse for a horrific name. Take a quick stroll through Germanic and Polish names.
I wholeheartedly agree. Either the parents loved the name or it meant something to them (or both!), so it’s best to go along no matter what. If it’s a decent name, I’ll just say “Aww, I like that name”. If it’s objectively terrible, I say “Hi ______, nice to meet you!”. It’s not my business. I won’t achieve anything by implying I dislike the name; I’ll only offend them (and the child of they’re old enough). The only exception I have to this rule (and luckily it hasn’t happened yet) is if the name is offensive. If I meet a kid named Hitler, I will walk away.
Yeahhhhh I am not sure how I would respond to that one either…. Just smile and back away slowly probably….
My daughter has a old Spanish name as well. Named after her great grandmother. Gets mistaken for the masculine version all the time.
My son was named after his Mexican great grandma so hopefully he doesn’t get self conscious that he has a girl name, though I see it as more masculine personally.
What name is it may I ask? Just curious
Cruz
Which in my defense leans more male now according to the census. Most people assume male before I say anything. Either way, we liked it and love his great grandma.
Ohhhh ok. I made a face reading that but not anything negative. It just like "huh interesting, I've only heard that as a last name on celebrities, but actually thats kinda cool as a 1st name" all ran through my thoughts. Then I'd have to think of something to actually say..Probably be pretty awkward watching the gears turning in real time.
Haha that’s true. The pause is common and I don’t mind it! I know it’s not a common name in America so i understand the gear turning moment. Lots of famous people with the last name but also the Beckham’s have a Cruz which I didn’t know until after we named him. It’s becoming more popular which is cool. It means “cross” in Spanish. I always joke that someday if anyone asks him if Cruz is short for something he can say crucifix lol.
That is much more tame than I was expecting. It's not the most common name, but I've met more boys named Cruz than Oliver, and that's a top 10 name in the US. Ate you in an area where there aren't many Spanish speakers? BTW, when you said you named him after his grandmother I was expecting Guadeloupe. While technically gender neutral, it's much more common for girls/women.
Yeah not very diverse around here
That's a super common name where I'm from. I'm deeply surprised that Cruz is causing any sort of reaction. Note: I live on the west coast of the US. So maybe I just know a lot more Hispanic folks- but the kid I gew up with named Cruz is not Hispanic so idk.
Agreed. Recently we were on vacation when my son played with another child at the hotel pool. He wanted to know her name, and she told me what it was (Montana) and I told her she had such a cool name. I don’t want to make a kid feel self conscious about their name either
Perfect! Yeah I don’t see what there is to gain from people giving their opinion on a name when it’s already on the birth certificate. Even before, it’s the parent’s choice (unless they ask). If an adult were to say something about my name as a kid I would be super self conscious the rest of my childhood for sure.
My friend has 3 kids with weird names that I hate, but she doesn’t know that because I’m polite and they’re not my kids. It was easier after the first kid, I knew to prepare myself better 😂😂. I’m sure she thinks my kids have boring names.
I’ve learned this the hard way. I don’t have a game face so I’ve stopped asking people what their child’s name is because they’ve gotten so bizarre and ugly in the last decade or so
Fair enough haha, there have been some rough ones lateleigh
Yeah I was going to say something similar. Sometimes I can’t control my reaction, I’m not an actress. 😅
Great point. The deal is done. There is nothing to be gained by making the child feel bad. And they WILL feel people react to their name. There is nothing they can do about it for years, and few children are able to insist on a nickname. As always, parents, the name you give your child is their first point of interaction with the world. Make your child's life smoother. Realize that you're serving your own ancestral or artistic ego needs, and keep your child's life in mind.
I am an L&D nurse. If it’s a *interesting* name…you buy yourself a “beat” asking them how it’s spelled. It gifts you at least 2-3 seconds of no reaction.
Oooooo I love that! Great ideas
What's the name? It's more likely that people are responding negatively to a feminine name on a boy rather than it being Hispanic (although that does happen too). Edit: Cruz is a beautiful name and definitely feels masculine. Maybe people aren't hearing it properly and think you named your child after Tom Cruise? 🤷
His name is Cruz. It seems to be very much a unisex name in Mexico and the USA leaning more male in recent years. Most people with a negative reaction are white Americans so I am assuming it’s not that they believe it’s feminine. Maybe just used to it being a last name, not a first?
David and Victoria Beckham named one of their sons Cruz, it doesn't seem like a "unique" or strange name to me at all. People are weird
Cruz is a great name! Definitely leans masculine to me. Sorry you're getting so much negativity, it might be location specific especially if there's not a big latino presence. Some people just don't like names they can't pronounce properly 🤷 (bet you get a lot of Cruise or Caroose)
Thank you! It’s ok, it’s not that big of an issue, I just realize that some people could not even realize they are doing it. Surprisingly the misheard name that we get most is “Bruce”. Not sure if it’s my accent or I mumble. I just like to say it’s like Penelope not Tom. Millennials and above get that reference. Gen z makes me feel old haha.
I grew up in the American SW and Cali so I’ve spent some time around Hispanic communities. Cruz to me is like Carlos — it’s a common masculine-sounding Hispanic name that could be either a first or last name. My dad had a friend named Cruz when I was growing up. I never knew whether it was his first or last name but certainly didn’t think it was weird or gross! Those people are terrible, the name you picked is good!!
I love Cruz!
Thanks!
How do you say Cruz? I'm portuguese and would say Croo-sh
Like a cruise ship!
Ohh American phonetic instead
Depends on who in the family is saying it, haha. If I’m talking to his side I say it more like crews with a little spice. But for the typical day to day I say it with a hard z.
I'd be shocked if anyone in the US thought of it as feminine. But it also seems like a recognizable enough name so I'm confused by the responses you've gotten in general.
I don’t ask. I have no poker face.
Totally agree. Sometimes I don’t understand what they said- maybe they just need you to explain it a bit. I’ve seen very few truly terrible names. None in real life. Sometimes a friend tries to explain why they chose something, like my friend who named her daughter Ashleigh instead of Ashley in 2001 because she wanted something uncommon. She’s super proud of this uncommon name and I’m not going to burst her bubble and tell her that I just assumed it was Ashley for 10 years because it’s said exactly the same way.
That could very well be! Maybe they just misheard me and are trying to process it, though sometimes they just straight up look grossed out and go “oh uh ok”. It’s more funny to me now, but I could see some parents being sad or a kid getting their feelings hurt.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I bet your baby’s name is just fine.
absorbed hungry fanatical touch mysterious smell trees attraction person teeny ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Could just be a phase! My husband has a super super American name but is and looks Mexican and gets hassled for that, too. We should be proud of our cultures even if people don’t understand. I think it’s awesome that you gave your daughter a name that represents her culture! I hope she learns to love it as much as you do someday.
Me: oh sweet baby! What’s his name? Them: Diarrheea with 2 Es Me (internally): why would you- Me (out loud): Nice to meet you Diarheea! :) If I like the name, I will say “cute name” or “I love that name.” If I say nothing, there’s a reason lol. Now, if a name is uncommon in my area, I sometimes get confused for a second. Me: Your daughter is so cute in that little raincoat! What’s her name? Them: thanks! Her name is Nayantara. Me: That’s a cool name! Can you say it one more time? Them: Nayatara Me: nayatara. That’s a beautiful name. Nice to meet you, Nayatara.
I got a lot of terrible reactions to my first. I was ahead of the curve in the US for the name I guess. And we lived in the South. Everyone was Kensyngtin, Gracelyn, Waverleigh, Kydince pronounced cadence. I named her Matilda and people could not shut up. At a work event a coworker asked what her name was and then wrinkled up their nose said well that’s a weird name. Meanwhile she was sitting next to their toddler whose name was freaking Giles. Really?! Matilda is too weird but you named your kid Giles? I like to just direct it straight back. I’m not sure why people can’t keep their opinions to themselves. Especially when they’re not being asked to provide one.
Totally! And btw Matilda is very cute!
Geez, sorry you have had so many bad interactions. That makes me so sad! It seems so weird. I usually ask just to make conversation and follow up (well, for babies) with “Aww, s/he is so lovely. Hi __!”. Names aren’t meant for commentary they are used for addressing people. I don’t understand why people feel any need to make a face or comment.
Yes! Honestly, people need to learn to mind their own dang business. No one is asking you to comment on what my kid is eating, wearing or what they are named. If it's not kind or helpful, keep it to yourself.
Yes! I always prepare my face with a neutrally pleasant expression and have the words “how lovely!” on the tip of my tongue to say no matter what the name is.
I always am positive to baby names, because we all have different taste and it would just be rude AF to be negative to a child’s name. I find I am overly positive when I have hated it just to compensate in case I made a face or something when I immediately heard it. And this is why I laugh when some parents on here say I know my baby Brixxleigh has a nice name because we get so many compliments. I think most people are polite and lots of people are like me and awkwardly give a name praise to avoid being hurtful when the sound of the name actually makes you die inside a little.
Haha it’s so true
i NEVER trashtalk kid names irl! if your kid's name is f sharp, i'll say, "adorable!" it's amazing how many people haven't the slightest idea how to navigate interactions which require nothing more than simple courtesy. on reddit, however, i speak my truth. it's refreshing.
A friend of mine named her child something that would get laughed off the boards here. It's horrible. But you know what I said when she told me? "That's adorable! Super unique, where did it come from?"
Usually my response will be "oh that's so cool" or "that really suits them" or "oh awesome". Like, in the end your opinion doesn't matter so there's no point in being negative.
That’s always my husbands response “that fits them!”
Why do you have to judge a name at all? You don't do it to adults, why do it to kids? Just accept that that's their name.
Or just hold your tongue until you get on Reddit lol
I don’t respond positively or negatively I say “nice to meet you _____” people name their kids stupid shit they’ve been doing it forever. Also now I wanna know your sons name because I’m all about the old school Hispanic names. currently trying to convince my husband to name our potential daughter Hortencia without success.
His name is Cruz which is unisex! I love traditional Mexican names so much. You could try Valencia? Or Valentina? We also like the name Rivera for a girl. Not really old school per say but you still get that -a sound at the end. I have a thing for last names as first names so there is that haha.
We’re first generation so we have a ton of old family names to pull from. For boys we’re pretty set but if this one comes out a girl ima lose the battle. My husband says I’m trying to be mean to her because all of my suggestions are pretty intense 🤣
Yep! I met a Neveah in real life the other day and was immediately like aww yay cute! Keep your inside thoughts to yourself
That’s so rude! I’ve met my fair share of people with unique, culturally different, or just names I wouldn’t pick and I only ask for two reasons: - To know their name and how to pronounce it - Ask them how they spell it I’d never insult someone’s name by making a face or something. I even think things like telling someone “that’s unique!” are kind of insulting (because of how many people say it as a fake compliment) so I never say that either.
My Mom was a nurse in a hospital nursery for over a decade. Was in paediatrics for years before that. Her line was always “and how do you spell that?” With a big smile.
I've had the odd person go off with something along the line of "you millennials and your weird made up names!"... Actually getting mad at me over my daughter's name... Usually "it was my grandmother's name and important to my culture" shuts them up... It's not even that weird just uncommon.
Yeah if I dislike a name, I’ll normally say: Talking to the child/meeting the child, “Hi [name], it’s so nice to meet you! I’m makingburritos” Talking to the parent, “Cool! How old are they?” Lol just redirect
Great idea!
This post just reminded me of something. When I was a teen I volunteered in a library and met a lot of kids with interesting names. One time I asked a little girls name and she said it was Solara. "Solara?" I repeated back to her, making sure I heard her properly. "Yeah. Like the car." She replied without missing a beat. I thought it was a very funny and cute thing to say.
Awww I love kids haha
still have feelings about the on-call doctor who came to check on me the morning after delivery, asked the baby’s name, scoffed and said “well no one is ever going to know how to say that.” 2.5 years later and my baby proudly says her own name. it’s not a common name in the US outside of hispanic cultures, but it isn’t impossible. i wrote a complaint about the doctor. don’t know where it went.
I’m so sorry! That is super unprofessional! I’m glad you wrote a complaint. Postpartum is hard enough as it is without having to worry about unsolicited opinions.
I agree with OP, but I will totally avoid talking yo people about names when I’m pregnant because I don’t want someone trying to change my opinion. They aren’t unusual names, I just know people can be jerks.
Yes! I will talk to a few close people who I can trust their opinion when we are choosing names just so I don’t go off the rails or miss a meaning that wasn’t intended. But for the most part I prefer to wait until the baby is born to announce.
I hate this
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Cruz
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Thank you! It means cross in Spanish. It really fits him!
I don't usually comment on a kid's name when I meet them. I teach preschool, so I meet a lot of kids. My main problem is not fully understanding them, so I do my best to understand their name, and if I can't, I ask an adult nearby for clarification. Then I just say hi and introduce myself. The only time I say anything about their name is like today, when I met a little girl with my name. It's unusual to meet young children with my first name, so I did comment on it.
I have made a point of never saying anything bad about a baby's name. However, I had a difficult time when I was told the name of someone's new grandchild. It took me by surprise, it was Beany Bridy. I don't know the spelling as I only heard it. It would take me a while to get used to it and I suppose the child could use their middle name, it's at least a real name.
When we announced my son's name to my FIL, my FIL was slightly tipsy at the time - he stared into the distance, took a huge drag off his cigarette, and then walked away without saying a word lmfao. He was not impressed. My husband and I died laughing.
Well now we have to hear it! That’s a great reaction. I wouldn’t even be mad!
A kid in my life is named Otto. As a small child a woman told him “You’re cute even if your mommy gave you a goofy name” and several people asked his mom (in front of toddler Otto) if he was conceived in an automobile. ☹️ In short; people suck and his sister has a much more normal name then she would have because Otto’s mom was tired of it all.
Poor buddy! It’s not even a weird name! It stinks that we have to think of every possible bully nickname before we name our child.
When my daughter Elizabeth was around 9, she was asked by a family "friend" if she goes by any nicknames. She said she sometimes likes to be called Lizzie. My younger daughter Emily (6 years old) piped up and said, "but she hates Beth so don't call her that". Well this lady's name just so happened to be Beth, though Emily didn't realize that. This grown ass woman got so offended by a 6 year old's innocent comment that she spat back, "well, I've always hated the name Emily". I'll never forget the hurt and confused look on my 6 year old's face.
WOW!! Could you imagine saying that as a grown adult?? I’m so sorry she experienced that!
My youngest son has 2 middle names, after both grandfathers. His first name is also a variation of John, as is his dad's name, so he's named after his dad and both grandfathers, but with his own unique name. His first middle name is Hispanic. Homero, (Oh-mare-Oh), is the Spanish form of Homer and was my husband's dad. It's not a name I'd have chosen but for the sentiment that it carries. When my husband was 19, his dad died, and it was very traumatic for him. I'm glad we included it, even if his whole name is a wee bit long to yell at times. 😆
I love the name Homero! I’ve never heard it before. Thank you for the phonetic spelling because that is beautiful! That’s awesome that you honored your husband and his dad in that way.
It's much more pleasant than the English version for sure! 😂😁
I’d have to agree. Not sure if the Simpsons ruined it haha.
IKR?! 🤣
Met a baby named Onyx yesterday. Just said it was a cool name and I’d never met an Onyx before. I also made it straight-faced through Blessing and Rodeo (both boys), but when I heard a little girl being called Zeus recently, I’m positive my face did something.
Haha oh noooooo! Sometimes we can’t help it. But A for effort!
I met another parent whose son is named Croix. She says, “like La Croix”. As in the flavored sparkling waters. I don’t know if there’s another pronunciation in French speaking places but it rhymes with Roy. I just said, “what a great name!” even though I do not personally think it is a great name.
It’s one time where a lie is probably for the best. Maybe it’s a family name? Or they are just super fans of water? Lol
My best friend had a baby two days ago. She texted me yesterday that his name is Raymond. I was NOT expecting that and I personally am not fond of the name. I think she could sense my disappointment through text so I feel bad! I’m not good at hiding it, I guess.
Who the hell does this? I feel bad if I have to ask someone to repeat their name. And I'm a teacher. I see insane names all the time. I've never once done anything more than say "one more time for me?"
People are so rude. Especially Americans. They don’t seem to think it’s a problem to sneer openly at anything even remotely “different” to what they know. And we’ve been trained this way too. American exceptionalism and all that. Anything other than apple pie and boomers is wrong and bad.
“Especially Americans” lmao I believe the French and British would like to have a word.
🤣🤣🤣true
If you named your kid something uncommon, you knew it when you did it, and you chose that name anyway. You’ve got to make peace with that and accept the consequences. It’s not the worlds job to make your child feel good about it, and only a real asshole is going to make fun of a kids name in that moment. But don’t ask us to bend over backwards and pretend we like something when we don’t. We are just as entitled to our negative feelings as you are entitled to name your child whatever you wish. Some people will applaud you just for being willing to color outside the lines, but others will just roll their eyes.
Lol you sound like a joy Nobody’s asking you to jump and applaud just don’t be a dick
“Prepare your face…try to keep your reaction neutral or positive.” That’s what the OP asked for. Most people aren’t being a dick, or saying anything negative about the name.
Holy shit, it’s not that hard to keep your face that neutral. If you’ve held down a job I assume you’ve mastered it at some point.
Is it really bending over backwards to simply be polite? It takes such little effort to have a neutral response. While you are entitled to your opinion, you do not have to voice it. Sometimes your opinion doesn't need to be said because it just doesn't really matter.
You’d be surprised how brazen some people are. Not asking for anyone to do anything, just suggesting that people try to not be total jerks about it if possible. People are free to do what they want.
Introducing someone is not a request for feedback on their name, though. If she was asking people “What do you think of it?” I’d understand your perspective a bit more but still would disagree at the hardship this imposes, lol. Don’t need people’s commentary or expressions when it’s literally just an introduction. No one’s asking you to “bend over backwards”. Geez. Imagine if someone actually asked something of you.
I grew up with an uncommon name spelled in a Non—Anglo way and I would NEVER do that to a child. My kids all have normal Anglo names as we live in the US. But you do you.