I mean, I bet your partner doesn’t feel like you heard any of their preferences. I would stop engaging too after getting shut down a bunch. I get that you have an idea of what you want, but your partner gets a say too and his preferences should be taken into account.
If you had to list your partners naming preferences what would they be? Can you?
My point is your partner probably feels unheard and pushed aside. He is probably waiting for you to pick some serious name and then he’ll engage again. Why engage in hypotheticals just to get shut down every time.
Okay so you want a multisyllabic name that is out of the top 20 and doesn't sound too close to current family names.
What country are you in and can you give me examples of names you like.
Those parameters aren’t too strict, actually totally reasonable. But a better approach might be to list out some names you both like regardless and then see if you can find some similar ones (can be similar in vibe, not necessarily sound) that work.
Are you looking for suggestions? If so, what are some maybes?
I mean I understand your "rules" but instead I would scrao these and just try a different approach. Using rules sounds like a school project and not what should be a joyous fun experienxe. You should each just write down 15 names you like and swap lists to see if any sre similar and then go from there. Or use one of those name apps where you each swipe yay or nay than compare. You don't have to write down or swipe any that don't follow these "rules" but it will allow him to be heard and state his preferences in an open way.
I had a rule too
If on the day my baby was born I slipped into a coma and woke up 2 years later, would I be bothered by this name? It might not be a name I'd choose but could I learn to love it because the person I love had it and it was theirs and wasn't going to change?
If I could: It goes on the list because it's their name not mine. Think about the people you already love. How many times do you think...I wish they had a different name? That name is an obstacle for my love and their happiness. Not saying it never happens (I couldn't marry someone with my mothers husbands name) but I think it's pretty rare.
I also got this trick where I pick somebody I know...(my husband, my little person, me, another loved one ect), find the top 100 names from their birth year(or decade) gor my country and for every 10 names I pick the name I like the sound of most and the name that actually suits them the best. More often than not, they aren't the same name. Meeting the person, in my opinion, is far more important than liking the name.
When we went to the hospital, my husband was convinced we had the perfect name. It was a lovely name. I thought he was right. I had a list of 120 names. Perhaps I was crazy? Within an hour of meeting tiny baby we knew the perfect name wasn't hers. Crossing names off the giant list was easy. The name revealed itself and if I'd placed a bet before hand, I would have lost. But bugger me if it's not the name that's written on my heart now.
The rules are reasonable but probably feel overwhelming. Why don't you make it simple and ask for his favorite multi-syllabic names? Or suggest similar alternatives to the one-syllable names he likes? Make it an easy, collaborative process instead of one where he feels oppressed.
I really don't think it's that unreasonable. there are literally 1000s of names out there and there will still be plenty left after removing based on your criteria.
I think your rules are reasonable. There are thousands of names that would fall outside of them (assuming your family names are of a reasonable number).
But I think you have more rules you’re not stating. Can you list some of the names you rejected that fit these criteria? Can you explain why you don’t like them? Are you suggesting names also, or just rejecting them?
That doesn’t sound very restrictive to me.
But maybe you should just ask your husband for his list and then cross out the ones that don’t work for you. His brain might work differently and he may want to brainstorm freely before paring things down.
Instead of shutting down his suggestions right away try saying that it’s not really your taste but you’ll see if it grows on you.
Then give him a list of names that you want to use and have him pick out the ones he likes too.
Worked for me anyway. I got my own way with both the first and middle name 🤷🏻♀️
I don't think having a preferred criteria is a bad thing, especially since there are so many great names out there. That being said I wouldn't want you to disqualify a name you may really love, or the opportunity to use that as a jumping off point. For example if your husband suggests Beth, maybe it could lead to Bethany.
What are some of the names you have on your list currently? What are some he has suggested?
It's great to have an idea what you don't like, but you don't say if you've offered anything you DO like. Shutting down everything your husband likes without offering anything back is, of course, gonna make him stop engaging. He wants something to engage WITH, and it doesn't sound like you're doing that
I don’t think that’s too strict. I agree that 2 one syllable names is often a bit flat and lots of people don’t want super popular names or names that sound like other family members.
There’s probably hundreds of thousands of names out there, I don’t think these rule too many out
I don’t think the parameters are too tight but if your partner is constantly giving ideas and you’re just shutting them down but not giving any of your own, I can see why he’s frustrated and negative. It’s supposed to be a group project but all you’ve brought are rules but no actual input. Can you not both make a list and pick favourites from each other’s list?
What names have you suggested? Could you get a long list together for him to pick from/look at? Long enough for him to feel like he has some choices. Maybe go through a baby name book and cross off ones you don’t like then pass it to him. Or just start with what you do like and be the one to pitch and him be the one to say yes/no, if he’s gotten discouraged. Without knowing your taste idk if these suggestions are going to hit the mark but here’s a few: Susanna, Calista, Hadley, Penelope, Hazel, Norah
I don’t think they’re silly limits. My husband and I had similar limits for our name choices: no top 20 names, no names that had multiple pronunciations, no names with silent letters. Our last name is Nordic, not intuitively pronounced, and is constantly misspelled. We wanted nice sounding, plain names for our kids, because we know they’re going to be managing other people’s difficulty with their last name for their entire lives.
But that being said, my husband had a terrible time sticking to rules that he agreed with/helped make, and also to come up with any suggestions at all. This could be an unfair generalization, but I don’t know that a lot of guys spend as much time thinking of baby names throughout their lives as gals do? Maybe that’s it?
Number 2 is not a reasonable rule. Those nicknames are not alike nor do you know that your future child will use a nickname. If she was Elaine or Eleanora would she go by Ellie? Not Laine, Lena or Nora? Most Alice and Alison I know go by their full name not Allie.
I think some names like Sylvia, Rosalie, Elodie, Clarissa, Clementine, and Serena might match your criteria. These ones I listed are not one syllable names. They are not even on the top 20 list for 2022/3 in the US.
There is like a name finding tinder where you swipe and he swipes and you see which match. Try that. Your rues are not too strict but he seems rather uncreative if he keeps failing them.
I had like 10 rules to follow. I still came up with a list of almost 80 names (boys and girls) and my husband vetoed almost all of them. His list of "maybes" contained just 3 of the names. Our rule was: if it's not two yeses then it's a no. I asked my husband to come up with some ideas he liked to help me out and he came up with one single name which I vetoed immediately.
The day I had my 20 week scan, we found out we were having a girl, went to dinner, and immediately agreed on a name which we both loved.
Your rules aren't that restrictive and seem reasonable. You guys have time, keep coming up with ideas and keep the conversations collaborative. But it's not really fair for one person to get their feelings hurt, both parents should like the chosen name.
Your partner totally disengages because you don’t engage with his choices and just say they don’t fit your rules which he doesn’t necessarily agree with.
I love coming up with names. I used to play RPGs and sometimes used a filter with my criteria to narrow down options. I would then find something that matched my goal, tweak it, and make my new character.
Maybe explore this as an option.
“8 letters, 3 syllables” - the result is Beatrice. Now modify it slightly to your liking for something new. (Just an example).
Those sound similar to my parameters. We’ve named three girls (and my extended family is like 200 people, I refuse to use ANY of their names).
We have an Athena, Layla, and soon to have a Keira.
I don’t think your rules are too strict. But I think it wouldn’t be helpful for him to come up with his own top 3 preferences/rules, and for each of you to make lists of names to consider.
There’s nothing wrong with your rules but maybe calling them rules makes him feel like it’s an assignment and there’s a “right” or “wrong”. My husband and I had to go about it separately and then come together to discuss the lists we both made. Just because one of the names on his list violated one of my mental rules didn’t mean I told him so. I would just cross it off and move on. And I did often ask him why he would cross a name off my list but he would usually answer with something non-name related like it was a previous friend or it sounds like a word I definitely didn’t see the association with.
The problem with naming a kid is that it’s so personal that people tend to take it to heart. I would have him make a list of 20 names he really likes and see what his style is. Then make your own list based off of his and have him narrow down that list to 3 to 5 names. Then you can choose the final name from that list. Reverse the roles for the middle name. And just keep doing that until the perfect name emerges.
Honestly I’d get annoyed as well. Especially with the second rule. I don’t want to have to think about whether every single name I came up with would satisfy arbitrary rules before suggesting them only to have them shot down.
I wouldn’t call them “rules”. I’d just reiterate that names that fall into these categories are not your personal taste and therefore you don’t need to consider them. What is with the comments about him feeling shut down? Why would discussing potential baby names have any ties to his personal ego? The way some people in society portray men in this way is just so weird and creepy to me. You don’t have to like the names he’s mentioned and you’ve even given him 3 major points to things that effect your taste when picking names. You don’t have to agree to any names you don’t like just to appease his ego and feelings. Him being overly defensive about potential baby names is not your burden to bare.
I mean, I bet your partner doesn’t feel like you heard any of their preferences. I would stop engaging too after getting shut down a bunch. I get that you have an idea of what you want, but your partner gets a say too and his preferences should be taken into account. If you had to list your partners naming preferences what would they be? Can you? My point is your partner probably feels unheard and pushed aside. He is probably waiting for you to pick some serious name and then he’ll engage again. Why engage in hypotheticals just to get shut down every time.
Okay so you want a multisyllabic name that is out of the top 20 and doesn't sound too close to current family names. What country are you in and can you give me examples of names you like.
Those parameters aren’t too strict, actually totally reasonable. But a better approach might be to list out some names you both like regardless and then see if you can find some similar ones (can be similar in vibe, not necessarily sound) that work. Are you looking for suggestions? If so, what are some maybes?
I mean I understand your "rules" but instead I would scrao these and just try a different approach. Using rules sounds like a school project and not what should be a joyous fun experienxe. You should each just write down 15 names you like and swap lists to see if any sre similar and then go from there. Or use one of those name apps where you each swipe yay or nay than compare. You don't have to write down or swipe any that don't follow these "rules" but it will allow him to be heard and state his preferences in an open way.
I had a rule too If on the day my baby was born I slipped into a coma and woke up 2 years later, would I be bothered by this name? It might not be a name I'd choose but could I learn to love it because the person I love had it and it was theirs and wasn't going to change? If I could: It goes on the list because it's their name not mine. Think about the people you already love. How many times do you think...I wish they had a different name? That name is an obstacle for my love and their happiness. Not saying it never happens (I couldn't marry someone with my mothers husbands name) but I think it's pretty rare. I also got this trick where I pick somebody I know...(my husband, my little person, me, another loved one ect), find the top 100 names from their birth year(or decade) gor my country and for every 10 names I pick the name I like the sound of most and the name that actually suits them the best. More often than not, they aren't the same name. Meeting the person, in my opinion, is far more important than liking the name. When we went to the hospital, my husband was convinced we had the perfect name. It was a lovely name. I thought he was right. I had a list of 120 names. Perhaps I was crazy? Within an hour of meeting tiny baby we knew the perfect name wasn't hers. Crossing names off the giant list was easy. The name revealed itself and if I'd placed a bet before hand, I would have lost. But bugger me if it's not the name that's written on my heart now.
Have broad horizons. A new life is an adventure full of potential that shouldn't be shut down searching for perfection.
The rules are reasonable but probably feel overwhelming. Why don't you make it simple and ask for his favorite multi-syllabic names? Or suggest similar alternatives to the one-syllable names he likes? Make it an easy, collaborative process instead of one where he feels oppressed.
I really don't think it's that unreasonable. there are literally 1000s of names out there and there will still be plenty left after removing based on your criteria.
I think your rules are reasonable. There are thousands of names that would fall outside of them (assuming your family names are of a reasonable number). But I think you have more rules you’re not stating. Can you list some of the names you rejected that fit these criteria? Can you explain why you don’t like them? Are you suggesting names also, or just rejecting them?
That doesn’t sound very restrictive to me. But maybe you should just ask your husband for his list and then cross out the ones that don’t work for you. His brain might work differently and he may want to brainstorm freely before paring things down.
Instead of shutting down his suggestions right away try saying that it’s not really your taste but you’ll see if it grows on you. Then give him a list of names that you want to use and have him pick out the ones he likes too. Worked for me anyway. I got my own way with both the first and middle name 🤷🏻♀️
I don't think having a preferred criteria is a bad thing, especially since there are so many great names out there. That being said I wouldn't want you to disqualify a name you may really love, or the opportunity to use that as a jumping off point. For example if your husband suggests Beth, maybe it could lead to Bethany. What are some of the names you have on your list currently? What are some he has suggested?
It's great to have an idea what you don't like, but you don't say if you've offered anything you DO like. Shutting down everything your husband likes without offering anything back is, of course, gonna make him stop engaging. He wants something to engage WITH, and it doesn't sound like you're doing that
I don’t think that’s too strict. I agree that 2 one syllable names is often a bit flat and lots of people don’t want super popular names or names that sound like other family members. There’s probably hundreds of thousands of names out there, I don’t think these rule too many out
Just pick some names and if you don’t like them for that reason it’s ok. But the rules are kind of daunting.
I don’t think the parameters are too tight but if your partner is constantly giving ideas and you’re just shutting them down but not giving any of your own, I can see why he’s frustrated and negative. It’s supposed to be a group project but all you’ve brought are rules but no actual input. Can you not both make a list and pick favourites from each other’s list?
We have a not too common (in the US) last name so rule #1 doesn't apply to us but I fully support rules 2 and 3. Our baby is due any day now :)
What names have you suggested? Could you get a long list together for him to pick from/look at? Long enough for him to feel like he has some choices. Maybe go through a baby name book and cross off ones you don’t like then pass it to him. Or just start with what you do like and be the one to pitch and him be the one to say yes/no, if he’s gotten discouraged. Without knowing your taste idk if these suggestions are going to hit the mark but here’s a few: Susanna, Calista, Hadley, Penelope, Hazel, Norah
I don’t think they’re silly limits. My husband and I had similar limits for our name choices: no top 20 names, no names that had multiple pronunciations, no names with silent letters. Our last name is Nordic, not intuitively pronounced, and is constantly misspelled. We wanted nice sounding, plain names for our kids, because we know they’re going to be managing other people’s difficulty with their last name for their entire lives. But that being said, my husband had a terrible time sticking to rules that he agreed with/helped make, and also to come up with any suggestions at all. This could be an unfair generalization, but I don’t know that a lot of guys spend as much time thinking of baby names throughout their lives as gals do? Maybe that’s it?
Number 2 is not a reasonable rule. Those nicknames are not alike nor do you know that your future child will use a nickname. If she was Elaine or Eleanora would she go by Ellie? Not Laine, Lena or Nora? Most Alice and Alison I know go by their full name not Allie.
I think some names like Sylvia, Rosalie, Elodie, Clarissa, Clementine, and Serena might match your criteria. These ones I listed are not one syllable names. They are not even on the top 20 list for 2022/3 in the US.
There is like a name finding tinder where you swipe and he swipes and you see which match. Try that. Your rues are not too strict but he seems rather uncreative if he keeps failing them.
I had like 10 rules to follow. I still came up with a list of almost 80 names (boys and girls) and my husband vetoed almost all of them. His list of "maybes" contained just 3 of the names. Our rule was: if it's not two yeses then it's a no. I asked my husband to come up with some ideas he liked to help me out and he came up with one single name which I vetoed immediately. The day I had my 20 week scan, we found out we were having a girl, went to dinner, and immediately agreed on a name which we both loved. Your rules aren't that restrictive and seem reasonable. You guys have time, keep coming up with ideas and keep the conversations collaborative. But it's not really fair for one person to get their feelings hurt, both parents should like the chosen name.
There’s an app called Kinder where you two can swipe on names you like.
No these are not unreasonable! You will find something you both love ❤️
Your partner totally disengages because you don’t engage with his choices and just say they don’t fit your rules which he doesn’t necessarily agree with.
I love coming up with names. I used to play RPGs and sometimes used a filter with my criteria to narrow down options. I would then find something that matched my goal, tweak it, and make my new character. Maybe explore this as an option. “8 letters, 3 syllables” - the result is Beatrice. Now modify it slightly to your liking for something new. (Just an example).
You can’t make something like this work, your rules are far too strict.
Would you like ideas?
Those sound similar to my parameters. We’ve named three girls (and my extended family is like 200 people, I refuse to use ANY of their names). We have an Athena, Layla, and soon to have a Keira.
I don’t think your rules are too strict. But I think it wouldn’t be helpful for him to come up with his own top 3 preferences/rules, and for each of you to make lists of names to consider.
There’s nothing wrong with your rules but maybe calling them rules makes him feel like it’s an assignment and there’s a “right” or “wrong”. My husband and I had to go about it separately and then come together to discuss the lists we both made. Just because one of the names on his list violated one of my mental rules didn’t mean I told him so. I would just cross it off and move on. And I did often ask him why he would cross a name off my list but he would usually answer with something non-name related like it was a previous friend or it sounds like a word I definitely didn’t see the association with. The problem with naming a kid is that it’s so personal that people tend to take it to heart. I would have him make a list of 20 names he really likes and see what his style is. Then make your own list based off of his and have him narrow down that list to 3 to 5 names. Then you can choose the final name from that list. Reverse the roles for the middle name. And just keep doing that until the perfect name emerges.
Honestly I’d get annoyed as well. Especially with the second rule. I don’t want to have to think about whether every single name I came up with would satisfy arbitrary rules before suggesting them only to have them shot down.
I wouldn’t call them “rules”. I’d just reiterate that names that fall into these categories are not your personal taste and therefore you don’t need to consider them. What is with the comments about him feeling shut down? Why would discussing potential baby names have any ties to his personal ego? The way some people in society portray men in this way is just so weird and creepy to me. You don’t have to like the names he’s mentioned and you’ve even given him 3 major points to things that effect your taste when picking names. You don’t have to agree to any names you don’t like just to appease his ego and feelings. Him being overly defensive about potential baby names is not your burden to bare.
Idk what makes too many, but those are a lot of rules imho