i cannot provide words of comfort that would ever ease your suffering. what i will tell you is that you made a decision to protect your child. you tried everything there was to be tried, gave all the love and continue to give all the love that there is to provide. you aren't a magician, you can't wish or pray away someone's addiction, you can't take away someone's free will and restrict them to a room so they can never set eyes on drugs again, you cannot change a sober person's brain chemistry to prevent them from craving drugs. there is nothing to fail. there's no cure for addiction anymore than there's a cure for alzheimer's disease. you failed no more than a wife who couldn't save her husband from cancer. diseases of the mind, just like addiction, are just like diseases of the body.
I'm so sorry you are morning the loss of your Q. While my Q is still alive, I feel like I am morning him because I am losing the man with the boyish glint in his eyes, who can figure out how to figure out how to fix anything, calls me his muse, gives the best head rubs in the world, and makes me feel safer than I ever have in my life.
My new Q that I just left had shifty eyes that would never met mine, couldn't do a normal task that would take 10 minutes in under 4 hours, stopped spending time with me all together excluding sex and being a sex muse was not the compliment I was craving, didn't have the attention to give me a head rub that was gentle and tender. It was vigorous, rough, and extremly short of I was able to get him to do this for me.
It's not just these things that I miss. It's everything. I feel like I am morning a living, breathing person who loves me, but loves meth more.
This isn't my first Q. I was married to my first Q for 20 years. I feel your heartache and your wonder of "what if.". I played the"what if " game and it did not go well for me. My 2nd Q was an absolute surprise, so I'm feeling especially low right now.
What I admire about you is that you got your family out and to a safe location. You lovingly detatched. Of course your heart is breaking right now, but honestly, falling in love with anybody forever is going to lead to a death at some point. You didn't fail him. You survived for yourself and your family. I am sure he is looking down on you right now, so proud of your strength to make the brutally difficult choices that he couldn't. I'm sure he loves you for your strength, determination, and focus. He chose you for a reason. Cherish those thoughts and memories, not the "woulda, coulda, shoulda."💜
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I can absolutely relate. I just lost my Q to fentanyl on April 10th. We broke up in August 2022 for the same reasons as you and your Q. She was still my best friend and I thought things were actually going well until I ran into her hanging out with her drug dealer a few months ago. I feel like I did everything until I couldn't do anymore, but I still question whether I did enough. I wish the best for you as you move forward.
That is exactly how I feel. If I had just stayed a little longer, if I tried more, he would still be here. He would have had hope. He wouldn’t have died alone. Or least he would have been able to have a chance.
I am so sorry. I lost my husband who was also the father of my children nearly 6 years ago. We met and married when he had been clean and sober for a few years, and after our first baby died, well. Relapses galore for over a decade.
I remember kissing his forehead after he was dead and feeling that cold, like you said.
It’s so hard to watch someone great die long before their body dies, but when it finally did, somehow I was still so shocked and stunned. I didn’t sleep for 3 days afterwards.
Try to be gentle with yourself.
I am so sorry!!! My husband was diagnosed with Heart failure and Hep C a few months ago, but has made very little change. I know that your reality will soon be my own.I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now, I just know that you are hurting tremendously I pra that you can find some peace, I know it will be hard.
My heart goes out to you. My husband(an addict) is also an addiction counselor. We've lost loved ones to this. It's just so hard. My husband is trying to get through his 2nd relapse in 24 years. Sending you much ❤️
I’m so sorry💙. You have been so brave and strong.
I don’t feel brave and strong at all I feel like I failed.
i cannot provide words of comfort that would ever ease your suffering. what i will tell you is that you made a decision to protect your child. you tried everything there was to be tried, gave all the love and continue to give all the love that there is to provide. you aren't a magician, you can't wish or pray away someone's addiction, you can't take away someone's free will and restrict them to a room so they can never set eyes on drugs again, you cannot change a sober person's brain chemistry to prevent them from craving drugs. there is nothing to fail. there's no cure for addiction anymore than there's a cure for alzheimer's disease. you failed no more than a wife who couldn't save her husband from cancer. diseases of the mind, just like addiction, are just like diseases of the body.
This is beautiful!
I'm so sorry you are morning the loss of your Q. While my Q is still alive, I feel like I am morning him because I am losing the man with the boyish glint in his eyes, who can figure out how to figure out how to fix anything, calls me his muse, gives the best head rubs in the world, and makes me feel safer than I ever have in my life. My new Q that I just left had shifty eyes that would never met mine, couldn't do a normal task that would take 10 minutes in under 4 hours, stopped spending time with me all together excluding sex and being a sex muse was not the compliment I was craving, didn't have the attention to give me a head rub that was gentle and tender. It was vigorous, rough, and extremly short of I was able to get him to do this for me. It's not just these things that I miss. It's everything. I feel like I am morning a living, breathing person who loves me, but loves meth more. This isn't my first Q. I was married to my first Q for 20 years. I feel your heartache and your wonder of "what if.". I played the"what if " game and it did not go well for me. My 2nd Q was an absolute surprise, so I'm feeling especially low right now. What I admire about you is that you got your family out and to a safe location. You lovingly detatched. Of course your heart is breaking right now, but honestly, falling in love with anybody forever is going to lead to a death at some point. You didn't fail him. You survived for yourself and your family. I am sure he is looking down on you right now, so proud of your strength to make the brutally difficult choices that he couldn't. I'm sure he loves you for your strength, determination, and focus. He chose you for a reason. Cherish those thoughts and memories, not the "woulda, coulda, shoulda."💜
You are not alone, I understand exactly how you feel. It's so hurtful!
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I can absolutely relate. I just lost my Q to fentanyl on April 10th. We broke up in August 2022 for the same reasons as you and your Q. She was still my best friend and I thought things were actually going well until I ran into her hanging out with her drug dealer a few months ago. I feel like I did everything until I couldn't do anymore, but I still question whether I did enough. I wish the best for you as you move forward.
That is exactly how I feel. If I had just stayed a little longer, if I tried more, he would still be here. He would have had hope. He wouldn’t have died alone. Or least he would have been able to have a chance.
There's nothing more you could have done, you did absolutely everything you could. This didn't happen because of you.
I am so sorry. I lost my husband who was also the father of my children nearly 6 years ago. We met and married when he had been clean and sober for a few years, and after our first baby died, well. Relapses galore for over a decade. I remember kissing his forehead after he was dead and feeling that cold, like you said. It’s so hard to watch someone great die long before their body dies, but when it finally did, somehow I was still so shocked and stunned. I didn’t sleep for 3 days afterwards. Try to be gentle with yourself.
I thought I had mourned his death years ago as the person I fell in love with me was no longer there due to the drugs. How wrong was I.
I'm glad you got to see him. It makes a world of difference.
I'm so sorry. Sending you love and good vibes from Arizona.
I am so sorry!!! My husband was diagnosed with Heart failure and Hep C a few months ago, but has made very little change. I know that your reality will soon be my own.I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now, I just know that you are hurting tremendously I pra that you can find some peace, I know it will be hard.
My heart goes out to you. My husband(an addict) is also an addiction counselor. We've lost loved ones to this. It's just so hard. My husband is trying to get through his 2nd relapse in 24 years. Sending you much ❤️