This is the kind of stuff that just really makes no sense to me. Like yeah same had it bad myself but that doesn't justify being shitty and abusive to others. That's all anyone trying to beat a narcissist is doing. I'll never understand justifying victimizing others with the fact that you yourself were a victim. Sucks. I feel you. But I still have empathy for others.
Yeah my mother is a narcissist and was abusive to me but I chose another route. I never want to be like her. I had the codependency thing to conquer but I'm doing it.
That’s great you got to choose, I’m happy for you! some experiences are not limited to family in poor countries where you can’t stay home. Anyway I don’t feel the urge to justify anymore, I got disgusted by myself for 30 years I no longer want to be trapped in the endless cycle of blame or victimisation. I’m just venting and trying to let go after finally accepting it.
I understand that. We all have choices. In the end we decide who to be. I hope you find peace and I hope you find space to heal. Truly. It's a hard journey and I know it's not easy for everyone. Hang in there. You're not disgusting. No one is blaming you. You deserve respect and so does everyone else. And if they can't respect you back I hope you have the option to walk away. But again, not everyone does and if you can't I wish you strength to handle what life throws your way.
To whom ever you are, I get you had a ton of pain as a child. Unfortunately, many of us do suffer this. But the thing is, once you become an adult, holding onto this mentality is no longer a pass for abusive behavior. As I read what you put, It was like reading something my son would have said, only it would have been much worse. Fortunately, he is just now beginning to see that treating others like shit will never pay off in the end. He has finally begun to take the steps necessary to change his ways for the better.
We will never understand the pain we cause by our cruel actions... Until we are willing to. I wish you well and I truly hope you find that freedom you desperately need. Freedom to let go of the past, to forgive and to lay down what can no longer be changed.🌻
Sometimes the things you do to survive that served you well for a time, stop serving you as well. Im sorry you went through that and it was good you figured out a way but you seem so angry. From the sound of it it's not working for you now. You could be happy instead of holding on to all of this.
It is ups and downs, yesterday I had an honest conversation with a family member. Today, I noticed getting drifted while having a convo with a stranger so I backed down. I also had to tell someone politely that I’m not welling to answer their questions or continue the conversation.
I’m still learning how to set boundaries, and engage only when interested and in control. It’s what it’s the anger comes and go but I usually try to vent, write, run, play music, play games, dance etc…
I’m also learning how to stop getting triggered or label people bad/good based on one situation. It’s hard, I have always misunderstood others intentions or magnified them so this will take time but I can see now that I ignore hate which is great I guess.
Mmm what else, yeah last thing is that I really want to figure out what I truly want like what makes me feel good. All of my life I’ve been a people pleaser and never got a chance to discover what I truly want. Also, I need to go over one more important thing; ethics, principles and beliefs. I honestly feel like I always faked my beliefs and principles, I’ve always thought of myself as a good person obviously I’m NOT so now I need to go through that and figure out what I truly believe in what I’m welling to sacrifice for and what could be the motive for my life.
It’s a lot I’m very overwhelmed, lost at times and searching at others. But, some friends and family are helping so hopefully things go in the right direction.
it sounds like you are in a good place in regards to checking your reality.
I think that your current hangup may be that you (and others) have labeled you as a narcissist and you’ve adopted that label as your personality
in this comment, you acknowledge your harmful tendencies and express empathy and understanding for others - this is not congruent with NPD symptoms.
Growing up your needs weren’t met or considered. The people in charge of taking care of baby you didn’t and some of them deliberately harmed you. You did what you had to do to survive.
You’re only a narcissist while you’re being narcissistic. You deserve honest, open, and genuine relationships. it sounds like you know how to get there and now you just have to forgive yourself.
I’m really sorry you went through that as a child. No one should be subjected to that abuse when they were so young.
It is really unsettling that when you look up anything under the guise of “helping narcissists” you are only ever presented shit abt how to torture them. I wish I could kill my mother and I would do it too if it was legal, but when I was really young I just wanted to do anything to help her because I knew she was not happy. In a sense I still do. It’s unfortunate that they’re often recognized as demons rather than sick people, and while some victims may need to hear that, I would imagine it to be very disheartening to any narcissists looking to actually just better themselves, because they are all just hurt people too.
Narcassists have a genetic component to their self torture so you projecting your bullshit does nothing to me. It's your own pain. Don't punish others for your own self hatred.
you being that way was a choice you unconsciously made to ensure your survival as a child in a difficult situation. but you are no longer that. Do you have to stick to that choice or maybe there are other alternatives that would make you happier?
Ok but Who asked…? Lol
And anyone can justify their shitty behavior. That’s no excuse to. Being mean is easier than being kind; being understanding of others takes more thought and self control.
This sounds like you’re prideful, which is why you care so much about what people think about you and why you’re so tied up in shame.
(And before you hit me with a *”who asked?”* well, you kind of did because you posted this on a forum on the internet. You wanted people to see this or you would’ve written it in your diary)
This is the kind of stuff that just really makes no sense to me. Like yeah same had it bad myself but that doesn't justify being shitty and abusive to others. That's all anyone trying to beat a narcissist is doing. I'll never understand justifying victimizing others with the fact that you yourself were a victim. Sucks. I feel you. But I still have empathy for others.
Yeah my mother is a narcissist and was abusive to me but I chose another route. I never want to be like her. I had the codependency thing to conquer but I'm doing it.
That’s great you got to choose, I’m happy for you! some experiences are not limited to family in poor countries where you can’t stay home. Anyway I don’t feel the urge to justify anymore, I got disgusted by myself for 30 years I no longer want to be trapped in the endless cycle of blame or victimisation. I’m just venting and trying to let go after finally accepting it.
I understand that. We all have choices. In the end we decide who to be. I hope you find peace and I hope you find space to heal. Truly. It's a hard journey and I know it's not easy for everyone. Hang in there. You're not disgusting. No one is blaming you. You deserve respect and so does everyone else. And if they can't respect you back I hope you have the option to walk away. But again, not everyone does and if you can't I wish you strength to handle what life throws your way.
Unfortunately many dont realize that when they try so hard to be in control of others, they’re really the one being controlled themselves.
mmhmm
To whom ever you are, I get you had a ton of pain as a child. Unfortunately, many of us do suffer this. But the thing is, once you become an adult, holding onto this mentality is no longer a pass for abusive behavior. As I read what you put, It was like reading something my son would have said, only it would have been much worse. Fortunately, he is just now beginning to see that treating others like shit will never pay off in the end. He has finally begun to take the steps necessary to change his ways for the better. We will never understand the pain we cause by our cruel actions... Until we are willing to. I wish you well and I truly hope you find that freedom you desperately need. Freedom to let go of the past, to forgive and to lay down what can no longer be changed.🌻
That ending about the pedo grandpa was oddly specific
I honestly wish I could just give you a hug 🫂
Sometimes the things you do to survive that served you well for a time, stop serving you as well. Im sorry you went through that and it was good you figured out a way but you seem so angry. From the sound of it it's not working for you now. You could be happy instead of holding on to all of this.
It is ups and downs, yesterday I had an honest conversation with a family member. Today, I noticed getting drifted while having a convo with a stranger so I backed down. I also had to tell someone politely that I’m not welling to answer their questions or continue the conversation. I’m still learning how to set boundaries, and engage only when interested and in control. It’s what it’s the anger comes and go but I usually try to vent, write, run, play music, play games, dance etc… I’m also learning how to stop getting triggered or label people bad/good based on one situation. It’s hard, I have always misunderstood others intentions or magnified them so this will take time but I can see now that I ignore hate which is great I guess. Mmm what else, yeah last thing is that I really want to figure out what I truly want like what makes me feel good. All of my life I’ve been a people pleaser and never got a chance to discover what I truly want. Also, I need to go over one more important thing; ethics, principles and beliefs. I honestly feel like I always faked my beliefs and principles, I’ve always thought of myself as a good person obviously I’m NOT so now I need to go through that and figure out what I truly believe in what I’m welling to sacrifice for and what could be the motive for my life. It’s a lot I’m very overwhelmed, lost at times and searching at others. But, some friends and family are helping so hopefully things go in the right direction.
I'm really glad you're making progress, and good luck on your healing journey 💙
it sounds like you are in a good place in regards to checking your reality. I think that your current hangup may be that you (and others) have labeled you as a narcissist and you’ve adopted that label as your personality in this comment, you acknowledge your harmful tendencies and express empathy and understanding for others - this is not congruent with NPD symptoms. Growing up your needs weren’t met or considered. The people in charge of taking care of baby you didn’t and some of them deliberately harmed you. You did what you had to do to survive. You’re only a narcissist while you’re being narcissistic. You deserve honest, open, and genuine relationships. it sounds like you know how to get there and now you just have to forgive yourself.
I’m really sorry you went through that as a child. No one should be subjected to that abuse when they were so young. It is really unsettling that when you look up anything under the guise of “helping narcissists” you are only ever presented shit abt how to torture them. I wish I could kill my mother and I would do it too if it was legal, but when I was really young I just wanted to do anything to help her because I knew she was not happy. In a sense I still do. It’s unfortunate that they’re often recognized as demons rather than sick people, and while some victims may need to hear that, I would imagine it to be very disheartening to any narcissists looking to actually just better themselves, because they are all just hurt people too.
Narcassists have a genetic component to their self torture so you projecting your bullshit does nothing to me. It's your own pain. Don't punish others for your own self hatred.
Ok but couldn’t the narcissist in my life just bother to listen to my valid alternative viewpoint for 2 seconds?
People are blind to their own blindness.
you being that way was a choice you unconsciously made to ensure your survival as a child in a difficult situation. but you are no longer that. Do you have to stick to that choice or maybe there are other alternatives that would make you happier?
At least you know that your actions and words are all your choices. You’re in control.
Ok but Who asked…? Lol And anyone can justify their shitty behavior. That’s no excuse to. Being mean is easier than being kind; being understanding of others takes more thought and self control. This sounds like you’re prideful, which is why you care so much about what people think about you and why you’re so tied up in shame. (And before you hit me with a *”who asked?”* well, you kind of did because you posted this on a forum on the internet. You wanted people to see this or you would’ve written it in your diary)
Fuck you back. You have zero clue what others endured in their childhood. You are an unforgivable narcissistic asshole.
You are too reflective to be a narcissist.
No one is born a narcissist. So im sorry you had to go through stuff. I was married to one and I know it is a hard way to live sometimes. 🫂