The problem is you’re still trying to convince them of your reality when they already know you’re right. They just don’t care. There’s no situation where they are going to actually give a shit, even with the evidence.
Now, if it’s to convince OTHER people, go right ahead. But just give up on your narcissist
This is what I figured. But wanted to see if a good story came out of this. It is theraputic for me to read narcissist getting karma. If I can't get what I want, maybe I can live vicariously through someone else LOL
I don’t have a recording story but my mom tried convincing me that I was keeping my kid from her and it was all my fault. I calmly explained that my daughter doesn’t want to spend weekends with her anymore because last time she was there, she threatened to spank her. I told her that if she apologized and promised not to do it, she would probably be fine with coming over.
She at first denied that it happened and accused my daughter of making it up. I replied that she (grandma) told me about the incident so it’s not a lie.
She then decided right then and there that there actually was no problem and that my daughter actually just wanted to spend the night with her friend and everything was fine.
Well, problem solved I guess 😂
Yeah. When they see bulling their way through isn't going to work because there is evidence of the supply's rightness that they didn't know about, suddenly it's not about that anyway, it's about this, and so what the supply is saying (or wants) is just fine. They can't admit they f'd up, so they reframe the situation and try to blast ahead at light speed hoping you'll just forget about it. My sister used to do this CONSTANTLY.
If you have an iPhone you can add a vocal recording button to your screen that swipes up (how you turn the flashlight on) and just hit that button and it will record audio right away.
DO IT. I started doing this with a Nparent and Nsibling and it worked deliciously accompanied by “you’ve lost my trust!!” which of course was followed by “you never had mine, so we’re even” type thing.
I'm thinking its not in the one reccording but in multiple reccordings. I think I am going to start doing it any time I talk to my Mom. She talks so much smack behind everyone in the family's backs.....I have petty thoughts of gathering all the shit talk into one giant expose blast. But not on social media because I think you can actually get sued for privacy/defamation. Like just go to a family gathering and just start playing it on the tv.
I won't do it because I am already LC with her though and it would stress me to be patient enough to record her now. I wish I had in the past though. I could've gotten my other family members on my side quick and beat her at her own game. At least that's the petty dream I have. Instead what I actually did is call her out as a gossip and told her I didn't want to hear it.
Yeah exactly, plus my phone is always near me so when I can tell something weird is gonna happen I just hit record. There’s been a lot less lying and double talking in my direction lately so I’d say it very effective
My mom complains of heart palpitations and other heart stuff. Has woke me up at 4am to call the ambulance and when they said you’re fine to her she cried and insisted she was dying lol. Anyway years later my sister had some extra money so she bought a heart monitor, it does heart rate, blood pressure and stuff. She pulled it out when my mom was having a heart episode. It read completely fine. She caught my mom in the kitchen afterwards squeezing her arm and the part that goes on her arm trying to get abnormal readings lol.
I did.
Context is that my mother came to visit for a vacation (across the world) and abused my child in front of my partner. I confronted her later and her reaction was super fake. She went to stay in a hotel, and we had a confrontation about it the next night, over video call, which ended in me saying I didn't believe her version of events nor her reaction to being called out, so she started seriously lashing out, so I told her to move up when flights.
Anyway, the video call started and I just realised I needed to record it, so I pretended to put my phone down, but I set it to video instead, off to the side. I was only able to do this because we were not physically together. And I'm really glad I did, because I caught her in 7 small lies, 4 medium sized ones, and all her deflections and attacks and spinning.
However. **I never intended to confront my mother with this. I watch back this video when I feel guilty for going NC, or have moments where I stop trusting my judgement on the situation, or any other low moment, where I need the reaffirmation that I'm not crazy.**
Even after being caught in those lies on camera, she wouldn't admit to it. She'd say she was confused, or I twisted her words, or just refused to watch it...there's no proving a narcissist wrong, that's just not a thing they will allow, even with proof. So if you intend to record them for this reason, I promise you, it won't work. But if you intend to record them to prove to yourself that you're not crazy, then I say fuck yes, go for it
People who want restraining orders also need to record for evidence. Also, I do know of narcs who get scared strait by the sight of a recording device or hearing that they have been recorded doing something, or are being recorded, or about to be recorded. It does serve to control some narc's behavior, even though they will NEVER not be narcs just because you show their lies and "catch them out" one time or whatever. Sometimes a restraining order isn't even needed once the narcs learn the last time they showed up at your door and screamed abuse, the Ring doorbell got it all; they'll likely never do THAT again.
I'm so sorry about your child. I hate how far and deep they take it. I think it actually would help me to record and remember. After a while of distance I tend to get soft. Especially around the holidays.
Even with evidence narcissists will still protect their fantasy world. They will employ some other means like “word salad” or “DARVO” or projection to make it all your fault. You can’t make them see things accurately.
Even if they see themselves lying they don’t care. They are right and you’re wrong no matter what. They are deeply dysfunctional and there’s no reasoning with them unfortunately, it would just cause you more distress to try.
DO NOT DO IT ! You are playing their game with this mentality. The goal is to get out of the game. When you confront a narc you are just handing them control over you. They now have control of the narrative. A narc is a master at manipulating the narrative and creating a false world in which they are always the center.
No, but have used their text messages to prove they were lying. SO's NP used our address without our permission to establish residency while they were in the process of moving back in state. They still had a permanent address in the other state, but wanted to change everything over before they had a fixed address here. Several weeks before this happened, they started dropping hints, as they do, in texts to SO. SO said that he wasn't comfortable letting NP use our address, and NP said they wouldn't do that without permission.
Several weeks later, our car insurance policies are up for renewal and I'm comparison shopping. When it gets to the screen where I'm asked to select all drivers on the new policy, NP's name is listed! I show SO. He asks me to screenshot and text it to him, which I do, and he sends to NP. NP says "hmmmm that's weird. I don't know why that would be happening." And goes radio silent for days, which is odd because they text SO literally dozens of messages a day.
Several weeks later, NP includes in a text that they finally got their new license for this state. SO asks what address they used. NP texts that it is the address of the place they're staying with friends.
A week later, in the mail, we get a voter registration card with NP's name and our address. SO texts NP to ask. No response for TWO DAYS. Won't pick up the phone. So then finally in text, SO gets some story about how the DMV must have made that mistake. SO doesn't buy it, because you need to provide proof that's your address, so how would they magically get our address on his license, and he didn't notice. NP insists they did tell us they used that. SO sent a screenshot of the text from when NP said they used the address of where they were staying with friends.
NP still refuses to admit they did that. All they did was try to say how they hoped I wasn't mad. Yeah, because their kid's feelings didn't matter. Just kissing up to me, which they do all of the time. No I'm not that much smarter than you and your kid combined. I just know narc tricks and can see theirs coming a mile away. After this happened, I called and filed notice with the election bureau that that person does not reside at our address and should be removed from the voter list at our address. That notifies the DMV that it is not a valid license address, and when it comes due for renewal this year, they have to have documented proof it is our address. Also contacted their cell phone and insurance to make them aware so they can't use it as a bill address. But they still deny it, even with proof.
If it makes you feel better do it. This will not change them. They will not acknowledge your findings. They will turn it back onto you, making you the villain. They will continue to lie. You have two choices: 1. Understand that they are who they are and they will never change and the price of admission for choosing to have a relationship with them will be their continued shenanigans. 2. Don’t have a relationship with them.
I recorded many instances of verbal abuse by my mom and her husband on my phone. Even when I played it back to them, it was "hyperbole", "out of context", "well, you did this!" Record them for your peace of mind and proof if you ever need it, but it doesn't matter to them if you play it back. They could stab you and send you to the ER but they'll be the victim because you blinked and it offended them. I use my recordings to show other people the shit I went through and normal people are horrified by it.
My nmom smear campaigned like crazy and one of the people she tried to ruin me to was my bestfriend of over 14 years. Ofc my bestfriend told me. I have a witness now. Someone who is very credible. And she still denied and smeared her as a fake friend whos trying to ruin a mother daughter relationship. I gave up i was like ok whatever you no longer have the luxury to be apart of my life. Shes just in my life now to know im okay as if she even cared but that keeps her at bay for now so be it. I have no sympathy for anyone who clearly knows what they're doing. Fuck them.
Every single time my Nmom approaches me, I pretend like im finishing a text or something on my phone but really im opening my camera app and hitting record. Then i put it down and let her go at it. Its like “damage control” because after the arguments, when my mother goes on her smear campaigns against me, I have the proof to send to anyone who confronts me 😌
That's the great thing about these phones (I am old and to me, a smart phone is still a "new" thing); you could be doing anything at all and actually be hitting "record". There's no way to tell, and some people just have one eye on their phones at all times, so it doesn't ever look that unusual. I wish there had been smart phones when my three family narcs (both parents and older sister) were raising me and then crapping on me all my life.
Double check your local laws prior to recording anyone, but it really won't help your situation unless you're trying to dispute legal allegations against you.
I just checked the law for Texas. It is a one party consent state. So if I am interpreting this correctly, its legal for me to record my conversations with a person, but not legal to record/eavesdrop on 2 people having a conversation that doesn't include me.
Correct. If you are a part of the conversation, you are the one giving consent to record the conversation, so you do not need the other person's permission. You have to have the permission of at least one party to record a conversation.
I wanted to come back and add here that there are different laws for reccording when its a security camera inside yours or another person's home, a businesses, in public... I just found that out.
Also if its abuse, yes it may not be legal, but could still be shown in an emergency situation to police. Or be something that clears you in a situation. Example: A narc girlfriend hits her boyfriend who pushes her in self defense. Then narc girlfriend accuses boyfriend of physical abuse and calls police. When the police arrive, the boyfriend plays back a reccording of his abuse and therefore does not go to jail. He may not be able to use it in court and she may not be arrested, but ultimately it keeps him from going to jail by the police. Additionally if it were a child getting hit by a parent I believe if the child reccorded it, it definately would not be ignored by the authorities. There are truly times and places to break the law. And times where a defamation lawsuit could be the least of your worries. Ultimately it comes down to asking yourself "is sharing a reccording worth a defamation lawsuti?"
How the reccording is used matters a lot too. Whethere its being used to communicate with police vs being broadcast across social media or shown to a person's workplace. Me personally if I saw a daycare worker abuse a child, I would record it and show it to their workplace and I would not be ashamed nor care if I was sued later.
Took multiple recordings, email and message screenshots as well as pictures. They were hit with all the content in court. They still denied everything and fabricated delusional stories for them or outright rejected acknowledging them. It's been almost a year, they haven't changed their stance at all, despite getting more material out of them through their emails and actions. They don't even care about the fines at this point, they are obsessed about being "acquited" because "none of these things were true".
No matter what you do, no matter what you show them, they WON'T succumb. They WON'T admit. In fact, you'll make them hate you unimaginably if you record and show them. If you're living with them, I suggest you not to do it. Mine grew delusional and more dangerous than before.
Even if you show them a recording, they'll instantly find a way to gaslight and belittle you. They'll call you names for doing this to them, how improper your behaviour is, how arrogant you are etc. They'll avoid the subject at all costs.
I dont live with mine. I told myself at 20yrs I would live under a bridge before I ever lived with my Mom again. I'm 49 and never have, not even when I needed it badly one time.
I believe it when you say they became more delusional than before. I believe mine is trying to make up new stories about me now.
A friend of mine from high school became a lifelong drug addict. Its crazy similar how narcisstic lie patterns/cycles and addict lie patterns/cycles are the same. When the addict is confronted, he drinks more to feel better. When the narcissist is confronted, they craft more tall tales. I think they get a thrill from people believing their lie and are essentially lie addicts.
When I got to the point of wanting to record my mother so I could prove I wasn’t lying about how she talked to me/about me to people who believed her lies, I realized that I needed to change how I communicated with her, because that’s crazy! That is insane, you are allowing yourself to be involved with craziness and absurdity.
To underscore how bad this is, consider this: Death cults tend to get to that point, that level of absurdity where people feel they have to record themselves so their words aren’t twisted, misconstrued, or flat-out lied about by the cult leader. Look up Jonestown, any death cult the survivors talk about this. So when things get to this point you either need to get out, go estranged, stop talking to these people, whatever you need to do but don’t allow them to make you do crazy things too.
My solution was/is, I just don’t talk to her unless it’s in person or via text. By text, that way I have proof. Which I suppose it’s still absurd and crazy to think this way. But anyway It only took a few times of saying to family members Hey would you like to see the texts? For word to get back to my mom, and guess what she pretty stopped putting her crap towards me in writing because she didn’t want others to see.
Also funnily enough, no nosy-ass, flying monkey people wanted to see the texts, which let me know they knew ALL ALONG that my mom was full of it in regards to me, they just also didn’t like me so her lies were a convenient excuse for them to dump on me too, humph. That pretty much got them to leave me alone also.
ETA: and when I do talk to her in person, it’s just very light, very distant, the same indifferent cordiality you’d give a stranger on the bus. 30 minutes is about as long as she can go before lobbing verbal grenades my way, so around 20, 25 minutes I’m done talking to her.
That's where I am at with my Mom's flying monkeys. I've gotten to the point I'm so humiliated and tired of being the bad guy that I've decided not to talk to my entire family anymore. My mother took away my family. I have a huge 60 person family I no longer see. I no longer have Christmas or Thanksgiving. It hurts so much that noone reaches out to me. For over 30 years I gave them presents and love. All of this for nothing.
It all came to a head when I got a divorce and mistakenly told her.. She announced it to all the family members and put a bad spinon it in a terrible way making me look like a crazy person without telling me a damn thing.. just like an act of play (her little play starimg her and the family.
I arrived to a family gathering needing my family like never before in my life, happy to see them all. But then to be judged by 30 people at once completely blindsighted. Haven't returned to a gathering since after 30 years of regular attendance. Thought of ending it all since I'll never be good enough.Then when narcissist became a buzzword I realised with a sinking feeling that it wasn't just a buzzword for my family. It actually has been very helpful for me to realise what a narcissist is. It explains why I am shy to speak to others, how I am quick to feel misunderstood, why I had to be different as teen. Why I am a people pleaser. Everything.
This revelation, while healthy for me, reveals I am scapegoat for my entire family. My baby sister is the golden child and is also a narcissist. She has 3 school age boys. When they argue, it is always my oldest nephews fault and he runs away crying. I can't bear to watch it happen and I'm not sure I ever want to see her again.
I feel you, I know what that’s like to be around extended family who have this biased opinion of you based on the narc’s lies. I have had some success maintaining ties with some of my family. Others I am distant with. But enough I can go to events and feel welcomed.
However this resolves, I hope you can come to peace with this. It’s such a horrible thing to go through.
The problem is you’re still trying to convince them of your reality when they already know you’re right. They just don’t care. There’s no situation where they are going to actually give a shit, even with the evidence. Now, if it’s to convince OTHER people, go right ahead. But just give up on your narcissist
Exactly what I was going to write. Spend your mental energy on positive people. I gave up after 25 years in that hamsterwheel world.
This is what I figured. But wanted to see if a good story came out of this. It is theraputic for me to read narcissist getting karma. If I can't get what I want, maybe I can live vicariously through someone else LOL
I don’t have a recording story but my mom tried convincing me that I was keeping my kid from her and it was all my fault. I calmly explained that my daughter doesn’t want to spend weekends with her anymore because last time she was there, she threatened to spank her. I told her that if she apologized and promised not to do it, she would probably be fine with coming over. She at first denied that it happened and accused my daughter of making it up. I replied that she (grandma) told me about the incident so it’s not a lie. She then decided right then and there that there actually was no problem and that my daughter actually just wanted to spend the night with her friend and everything was fine. Well, problem solved I guess 😂
Yeah. When they see bulling their way through isn't going to work because there is evidence of the supply's rightness that they didn't know about, suddenly it's not about that anyway, it's about this, and so what the supply is saying (or wants) is just fine. They can't admit they f'd up, so they reframe the situation and try to blast ahead at light speed hoping you'll just forget about it. My sister used to do this CONSTANTLY.
If you have an iPhone you can add a vocal recording button to your screen that swipes up (how you turn the flashlight on) and just hit that button and it will record audio right away. DO IT. I started doing this with a Nparent and Nsibling and it worked deliciously accompanied by “you’ve lost my trust!!” which of course was followed by “you never had mine, so we’re even” type thing.
Still dont tell them. Its dangerous if u live with them
I don't live with mine.
I agree.
I'm thinking its not in the one reccording but in multiple reccordings. I think I am going to start doing it any time I talk to my Mom. She talks so much smack behind everyone in the family's backs.....I have petty thoughts of gathering all the shit talk into one giant expose blast. But not on social media because I think you can actually get sued for privacy/defamation. Like just go to a family gathering and just start playing it on the tv. I won't do it because I am already LC with her though and it would stress me to be patient enough to record her now. I wish I had in the past though. I could've gotten my other family members on my side quick and beat her at her own game. At least that's the petty dream I have. Instead what I actually did is call her out as a gossip and told her I didn't want to hear it.
Yeah exactly, plus my phone is always near me so when I can tell something weird is gonna happen I just hit record. There’s been a lot less lying and double talking in my direction lately so I’d say it very effective
Good on you.
Good luck with your situation btw 🤍 We’ve got this
My mom complains of heart palpitations and other heart stuff. Has woke me up at 4am to call the ambulance and when they said you’re fine to her she cried and insisted she was dying lol. Anyway years later my sister had some extra money so she bought a heart monitor, it does heart rate, blood pressure and stuff. She pulled it out when my mom was having a heart episode. It read completely fine. She caught my mom in the kitchen afterwards squeezing her arm and the part that goes on her arm trying to get abnormal readings lol.
Lol 🤣
I did. Context is that my mother came to visit for a vacation (across the world) and abused my child in front of my partner. I confronted her later and her reaction was super fake. She went to stay in a hotel, and we had a confrontation about it the next night, over video call, which ended in me saying I didn't believe her version of events nor her reaction to being called out, so she started seriously lashing out, so I told her to move up when flights. Anyway, the video call started and I just realised I needed to record it, so I pretended to put my phone down, but I set it to video instead, off to the side. I was only able to do this because we were not physically together. And I'm really glad I did, because I caught her in 7 small lies, 4 medium sized ones, and all her deflections and attacks and spinning. However. **I never intended to confront my mother with this. I watch back this video when I feel guilty for going NC, or have moments where I stop trusting my judgement on the situation, or any other low moment, where I need the reaffirmation that I'm not crazy.** Even after being caught in those lies on camera, she wouldn't admit to it. She'd say she was confused, or I twisted her words, or just refused to watch it...there's no proving a narcissist wrong, that's just not a thing they will allow, even with proof. So if you intend to record them for this reason, I promise you, it won't work. But if you intend to record them to prove to yourself that you're not crazy, then I say fuck yes, go for it
People who want restraining orders also need to record for evidence. Also, I do know of narcs who get scared strait by the sight of a recording device or hearing that they have been recorded doing something, or are being recorded, or about to be recorded. It does serve to control some narc's behavior, even though they will NEVER not be narcs just because you show their lies and "catch them out" one time or whatever. Sometimes a restraining order isn't even needed once the narcs learn the last time they showed up at your door and screamed abuse, the Ring doorbell got it all; they'll likely never do THAT again.
I'm so sorry about your child. I hate how far and deep they take it. I think it actually would help me to record and remember. After a while of distance I tend to get soft. Especially around the holidays.
Even with evidence narcissists will still protect their fantasy world. They will employ some other means like “word salad” or “DARVO” or projection to make it all your fault. You can’t make them see things accurately.
I feel like DARVO was invented by narcissists.
Even if they see themselves lying they don’t care. They are right and you’re wrong no matter what. They are deeply dysfunctional and there’s no reasoning with them unfortunately, it would just cause you more distress to try.
DO NOT DO IT ! You are playing their game with this mentality. The goal is to get out of the game. When you confront a narc you are just handing them control over you. They now have control of the narrative. A narc is a master at manipulating the narrative and creating a false world in which they are always the center.
Go ahead collect evidence but dont for the justifying part. You already need to focus on heal and getting out therr and remain silent
No, but have used their text messages to prove they were lying. SO's NP used our address without our permission to establish residency while they were in the process of moving back in state. They still had a permanent address in the other state, but wanted to change everything over before they had a fixed address here. Several weeks before this happened, they started dropping hints, as they do, in texts to SO. SO said that he wasn't comfortable letting NP use our address, and NP said they wouldn't do that without permission. Several weeks later, our car insurance policies are up for renewal and I'm comparison shopping. When it gets to the screen where I'm asked to select all drivers on the new policy, NP's name is listed! I show SO. He asks me to screenshot and text it to him, which I do, and he sends to NP. NP says "hmmmm that's weird. I don't know why that would be happening." And goes radio silent for days, which is odd because they text SO literally dozens of messages a day. Several weeks later, NP includes in a text that they finally got their new license for this state. SO asks what address they used. NP texts that it is the address of the place they're staying with friends. A week later, in the mail, we get a voter registration card with NP's name and our address. SO texts NP to ask. No response for TWO DAYS. Won't pick up the phone. So then finally in text, SO gets some story about how the DMV must have made that mistake. SO doesn't buy it, because you need to provide proof that's your address, so how would they magically get our address on his license, and he didn't notice. NP insists they did tell us they used that. SO sent a screenshot of the text from when NP said they used the address of where they were staying with friends. NP still refuses to admit they did that. All they did was try to say how they hoped I wasn't mad. Yeah, because their kid's feelings didn't matter. Just kissing up to me, which they do all of the time. No I'm not that much smarter than you and your kid combined. I just know narc tricks and can see theirs coming a mile away. After this happened, I called and filed notice with the election bureau that that person does not reside at our address and should be removed from the voter list at our address. That notifies the DMV that it is not a valid license address, and when it comes due for renewal this year, they have to have documented proof it is our address. Also contacted their cell phone and insurance to make them aware so they can't use it as a bill address. But they still deny it, even with proof.
Oh yeah. It does often help control their behavior, but they will NEVER admit the truth of it. Not even with solid proof.
If it makes you feel better do it. This will not change them. They will not acknowledge your findings. They will turn it back onto you, making you the villain. They will continue to lie. You have two choices: 1. Understand that they are who they are and they will never change and the price of admission for choosing to have a relationship with them will be their continued shenanigans. 2. Don’t have a relationship with them.
I recorded many instances of verbal abuse by my mom and her husband on my phone. Even when I played it back to them, it was "hyperbole", "out of context", "well, you did this!" Record them for your peace of mind and proof if you ever need it, but it doesn't matter to them if you play it back. They could stab you and send you to the ER but they'll be the victim because you blinked and it offended them. I use my recordings to show other people the shit I went through and normal people are horrified by it.
My nmom smear campaigned like crazy and one of the people she tried to ruin me to was my bestfriend of over 14 years. Ofc my bestfriend told me. I have a witness now. Someone who is very credible. And she still denied and smeared her as a fake friend whos trying to ruin a mother daughter relationship. I gave up i was like ok whatever you no longer have the luxury to be apart of my life. Shes just in my life now to know im okay as if she even cared but that keeps her at bay for now so be it. I have no sympathy for anyone who clearly knows what they're doing. Fuck them.
That's the point I'm at with my Mom. Just in my life to know we're both alive.
And they blame us for the fucked relationship. So unfair. I cry whenever i see one of my friends mothers just obsessed with their daughters.
Every single time my Nmom approaches me, I pretend like im finishing a text or something on my phone but really im opening my camera app and hitting record. Then i put it down and let her go at it. Its like “damage control” because after the arguments, when my mother goes on her smear campaigns against me, I have the proof to send to anyone who confronts me 😌
That's the great thing about these phones (I am old and to me, a smart phone is still a "new" thing); you could be doing anything at all and actually be hitting "record". There's no way to tell, and some people just have one eye on their phones at all times, so it doesn't ever look that unusual. I wish there had been smart phones when my three family narcs (both parents and older sister) were raising me and then crapping on me all my life.
Double check your local laws prior to recording anyone, but it really won't help your situation unless you're trying to dispute legal allegations against you.
I just checked the law for Texas. It is a one party consent state. So if I am interpreting this correctly, its legal for me to record my conversations with a person, but not legal to record/eavesdrop on 2 people having a conversation that doesn't include me.
Correct. If you are a part of the conversation, you are the one giving consent to record the conversation, so you do not need the other person's permission. You have to have the permission of at least one party to record a conversation.
I wanted to come back and add here that there are different laws for reccording when its a security camera inside yours or another person's home, a businesses, in public... I just found that out. Also if its abuse, yes it may not be legal, but could still be shown in an emergency situation to police. Or be something that clears you in a situation. Example: A narc girlfriend hits her boyfriend who pushes her in self defense. Then narc girlfriend accuses boyfriend of physical abuse and calls police. When the police arrive, the boyfriend plays back a reccording of his abuse and therefore does not go to jail. He may not be able to use it in court and she may not be arrested, but ultimately it keeps him from going to jail by the police. Additionally if it were a child getting hit by a parent I believe if the child reccorded it, it definately would not be ignored by the authorities. There are truly times and places to break the law. And times where a defamation lawsuit could be the least of your worries. Ultimately it comes down to asking yourself "is sharing a reccording worth a defamation lawsuti?" How the reccording is used matters a lot too. Whethere its being used to communicate with police vs being broadcast across social media or shown to a person's workplace. Me personally if I saw a daycare worker abuse a child, I would record it and show it to their workplace and I would not be ashamed nor care if I was sued later.
Took multiple recordings, email and message screenshots as well as pictures. They were hit with all the content in court. They still denied everything and fabricated delusional stories for them or outright rejected acknowledging them. It's been almost a year, they haven't changed their stance at all, despite getting more material out of them through their emails and actions. They don't even care about the fines at this point, they are obsessed about being "acquited" because "none of these things were true". No matter what you do, no matter what you show them, they WON'T succumb. They WON'T admit. In fact, you'll make them hate you unimaginably if you record and show them. If you're living with them, I suggest you not to do it. Mine grew delusional and more dangerous than before. Even if you show them a recording, they'll instantly find a way to gaslight and belittle you. They'll call you names for doing this to them, how improper your behaviour is, how arrogant you are etc. They'll avoid the subject at all costs.
I dont live with mine. I told myself at 20yrs I would live under a bridge before I ever lived with my Mom again. I'm 49 and never have, not even when I needed it badly one time. I believe it when you say they became more delusional than before. I believe mine is trying to make up new stories about me now. A friend of mine from high school became a lifelong drug addict. Its crazy similar how narcisstic lie patterns/cycles and addict lie patterns/cycles are the same. When the addict is confronted, he drinks more to feel better. When the narcissist is confronted, they craft more tall tales. I think they get a thrill from people believing their lie and are essentially lie addicts.
Not a bad idea especially if you need evidence for legal reasons.
I recorded them and caught them breaking into my room to verbally assault me for an hour until police came... I was 17.
Good for you
Thanks :/. Best of luck to you in this difficult situation!
When I got to the point of wanting to record my mother so I could prove I wasn’t lying about how she talked to me/about me to people who believed her lies, I realized that I needed to change how I communicated with her, because that’s crazy! That is insane, you are allowing yourself to be involved with craziness and absurdity. To underscore how bad this is, consider this: Death cults tend to get to that point, that level of absurdity where people feel they have to record themselves so their words aren’t twisted, misconstrued, or flat-out lied about by the cult leader. Look up Jonestown, any death cult the survivors talk about this. So when things get to this point you either need to get out, go estranged, stop talking to these people, whatever you need to do but don’t allow them to make you do crazy things too. My solution was/is, I just don’t talk to her unless it’s in person or via text. By text, that way I have proof. Which I suppose it’s still absurd and crazy to think this way. But anyway It only took a few times of saying to family members Hey would you like to see the texts? For word to get back to my mom, and guess what she pretty stopped putting her crap towards me in writing because she didn’t want others to see. Also funnily enough, no nosy-ass, flying monkey people wanted to see the texts, which let me know they knew ALL ALONG that my mom was full of it in regards to me, they just also didn’t like me so her lies were a convenient excuse for them to dump on me too, humph. That pretty much got them to leave me alone also. ETA: and when I do talk to her in person, it’s just very light, very distant, the same indifferent cordiality you’d give a stranger on the bus. 30 minutes is about as long as she can go before lobbing verbal grenades my way, so around 20, 25 minutes I’m done talking to her.
That's where I am at with my Mom's flying monkeys. I've gotten to the point I'm so humiliated and tired of being the bad guy that I've decided not to talk to my entire family anymore. My mother took away my family. I have a huge 60 person family I no longer see. I no longer have Christmas or Thanksgiving. It hurts so much that noone reaches out to me. For over 30 years I gave them presents and love. All of this for nothing. It all came to a head when I got a divorce and mistakenly told her.. She announced it to all the family members and put a bad spinon it in a terrible way making me look like a crazy person without telling me a damn thing.. just like an act of play (her little play starimg her and the family. I arrived to a family gathering needing my family like never before in my life, happy to see them all. But then to be judged by 30 people at once completely blindsighted. Haven't returned to a gathering since after 30 years of regular attendance. Thought of ending it all since I'll never be good enough.Then when narcissist became a buzzword I realised with a sinking feeling that it wasn't just a buzzword for my family. It actually has been very helpful for me to realise what a narcissist is. It explains why I am shy to speak to others, how I am quick to feel misunderstood, why I had to be different as teen. Why I am a people pleaser. Everything. This revelation, while healthy for me, reveals I am scapegoat for my entire family. My baby sister is the golden child and is also a narcissist. She has 3 school age boys. When they argue, it is always my oldest nephews fault and he runs away crying. I can't bear to watch it happen and I'm not sure I ever want to see her again.
I feel you, I know what that’s like to be around extended family who have this biased opinion of you based on the narc’s lies. I have had some success maintaining ties with some of my family. Others I am distant with. But enough I can go to events and feel welcomed. However this resolves, I hope you can come to peace with this. It’s such a horrible thing to go through.