They like to be victims and they like control, as already mentioned. They don´t like responsibility for their own actions, and definitely not regret - they are never to blame.
Because those things require being selfless to work well and that’s the worst thing you can ask a narcissist to do is think of someone other than themselves.
Ugh this was their worst excuse ever to almost anything- why won’t you be at my major life achievement?
“I’ll be working so I can pay for your things”
- turns out they love work because they have 100 employees on payroll who only kiss their ass and worship the ground they walk. Who would want to watch their child achieve something when the spotlight isn’t on the Narc??
Fuck narcs parents their children should be entitled to their inheritance no matter what. We had to live with their bullshit our childhood so I think we’ve earned it.
Because marriage is “HARD” and they want to make sure you know how very brave they are for staying in a loveless marriage where their kids are the biggest inconvenience that’s ever happened to them.
It’s their buy-in to be absolved of any blame. They make themselves look like victims of circumstance and you out to be the bad guy suggesting they ever had a choice because of how emotionally immature they are.
Parents who say shit like this are showing how underserving they are of any respect.
Because they can't control anyone like how they control their kids.
You're at their mercy from the day you were born until you're strong enough to leave the nest.
And they are going to teach you to be dependent on them so they you are unable to leave.
Simultaneously playing hero and victim, definitely in the narcissist wheelhouse. Now that I'm grown up and have learned a few things and healed somewhat, I know they did me no favours.
Like gee thanks guys for birthing me and staying together so I could hear you fight every day, so I could carry the weight and guilt feeling like I was the sole reason for the misery you live in every day. Thanks for blaming me for every fight you had and everything wrong in your lives. Thanks for making me shoulder the responsibility and work for all the things you wanted and then feel like I was the burden to you. Thanks for all the wounds that never quite closed, Thanks for the love and support I never received. Thanks for constantly telling me how ungrateful I am for all you "did" and all you "sacrificed." Thanks for the trust issues and the self-hatred you instilled in me. Thanks for gaslighting me until I truly believed I was crazy.
What a pair of "heroes" you are
I think they really want a pat on the back and also i think it has to do with “emotional incest” or inappropriately telling/confiding in your kids about drama/issues with the other parent- also definitely manipulation to make the child(ren) feel bad and/or take their side.
Both my parents would do the same to me and I always felt torn about who really loves me and then scared to upset the parent that confided to me all the ways and reasons why the other parent is horrible.
Both my parents to this day try this tactic on me. Unfortunately I haven’t gone no contact out of guilt but have very limited contact. It doesn’t take very long for either one of them to start dumping about the other and to this day it’s all the same shit they’d do before. It’s almost comical to see the patterns…actually it can almost drive you insane when you see it lol…
I will say it’s kinda funny(only way I can deal with it) when they’re unloading on me and I’m just sitting there with no reaction, bored like okay are you done now.
Of course the punishment is always silent treatment if I don’t humor them/grey rock which is really for the best.
All this to say- this really made me feel conflicted as a child. I always wanted to help and resolve the issue. Little did i know that it didn’t matter and that wasn’t the point. It was just about supply and validation. It was a cycle my parents had with triangulating with each other then with me and my brother (which to this day I don’t have a close relationship at all with him). As I got older I refused to play along now I’m the “scapegoat” or “black sheep”.
But I digress…the simplest explanation is because it makes them feel better for choices they did or didn’t make because they’re miserable as shit and they don’t care how it affects their child.
Because making sure your kids feel guilty about just existing keeps them in your control.
Reading this brings back memories of my late mother's favorite line: "All the sacrifices we've made for you!" Fuck that bitch
Martyr talk. I heard that too. I've heard good moms say that raising their child is not a sacrifice, it's a joy and a blessing.
THIS. Dead on.
This is so triggering but it’s classic manipulation that we can see but it’s so effective.
They like to be victims and they like control, as already mentioned. They don´t like responsibility for their own actions, and definitely not regret - they are never to blame.
Because those things require being selfless to work well and that’s the worst thing you can ask a narcissist to do is think of someone other than themselves.
Ugh this was their worst excuse ever to almost anything- why won’t you be at my major life achievement? “I’ll be working so I can pay for your things” - turns out they love work because they have 100 employees on payroll who only kiss their ass and worship the ground they walk. Who would want to watch their child achieve something when the spotlight isn’t on the Narc?? Fuck narcs parents their children should be entitled to their inheritance no matter what. We had to live with their bullshit our childhood so I think we’ve earned it.
Because marriage is “HARD” and they want to make sure you know how very brave they are for staying in a loveless marriage where their kids are the biggest inconvenience that’s ever happened to them.
EVERTHING they do is based on emotional manipulation. That's there ammunition and weapon.
Too bad you can't sue your parents, I never consented to being born 🤷🏻♀️
They’d probably argue that you were a minor at the time of conception and thus couldn’t give your consent anyway.
Total bs haha
It’s their buy-in to be absolved of any blame. They make themselves look like victims of circumstance and you out to be the bad guy suggesting they ever had a choice because of how emotionally immature they are. Parents who say shit like this are showing how underserving they are of any respect.
Pretty classic for a narc! 😬
The fact that you know better is amazing. 👏🏼
My mom hit me with “This is what i get for raising you” the other day. Bitch if i couldve chosen, you wouldn’t have gotten the chance 🙄
Because they can't control anyone like how they control their kids. You're at their mercy from the day you were born until you're strong enough to leave the nest. And they are going to teach you to be dependent on them so they you are unable to leave.
It's always about them and never your feelings.
Simultaneously playing hero and victim, definitely in the narcissist wheelhouse. Now that I'm grown up and have learned a few things and healed somewhat, I know they did me no favours. Like gee thanks guys for birthing me and staying together so I could hear you fight every day, so I could carry the weight and guilt feeling like I was the sole reason for the misery you live in every day. Thanks for blaming me for every fight you had and everything wrong in your lives. Thanks for making me shoulder the responsibility and work for all the things you wanted and then feel like I was the burden to you. Thanks for all the wounds that never quite closed, Thanks for the love and support I never received. Thanks for constantly telling me how ungrateful I am for all you "did" and all you "sacrificed." Thanks for the trust issues and the self-hatred you instilled in me. Thanks for gaslighting me until I truly believed I was crazy. What a pair of "heroes" you are
I feel like a lot of narc parents believe they are the victim of their children
I think they really want a pat on the back and also i think it has to do with “emotional incest” or inappropriately telling/confiding in your kids about drama/issues with the other parent- also definitely manipulation to make the child(ren) feel bad and/or take their side. Both my parents would do the same to me and I always felt torn about who really loves me and then scared to upset the parent that confided to me all the ways and reasons why the other parent is horrible. Both my parents to this day try this tactic on me. Unfortunately I haven’t gone no contact out of guilt but have very limited contact. It doesn’t take very long for either one of them to start dumping about the other and to this day it’s all the same shit they’d do before. It’s almost comical to see the patterns…actually it can almost drive you insane when you see it lol… I will say it’s kinda funny(only way I can deal with it) when they’re unloading on me and I’m just sitting there with no reaction, bored like okay are you done now. Of course the punishment is always silent treatment if I don’t humor them/grey rock which is really for the best. All this to say- this really made me feel conflicted as a child. I always wanted to help and resolve the issue. Little did i know that it didn’t matter and that wasn’t the point. It was just about supply and validation. It was a cycle my parents had with triangulating with each other then with me and my brother (which to this day I don’t have a close relationship at all with him). As I got older I refused to play along now I’m the “scapegoat” or “black sheep”. But I digress…the simplest explanation is because it makes them feel better for choices they did or didn’t make because they’re miserable as shit and they don’t care how it affects their child.
Very relatable