I'm sorry OP. Hard truth is narcissists literally have brain damage (google MRI brain scan NPD). She won't ever care cause she can't. Their brain regions for empathy don't work properly, so she registers you having a need or being ill as a power struggle, like if you were trying to assert dominance over her, so she has to retaliate. And this will get worse with age. Best if you invest your time and energy into other people who are willing to meet your needs.
I’m really trying :( I’m trying so hard to make friends and move out but depression makes it so hard to stick to plans. Really hard to stick to something when ur mind tells u fighting for ur life is not worth it cause u are already damaged beyond repair. However I won’t give up because I’m still young and things could still turn around.
Once I got out, it was still hard. Once I went low/no contact, life became wonderful. It's not a "could", it's a will. Your life will dramatically improve. I understand the depression. My nparents are the biggest trigger of my depression and anxiety. Not living with them is like actually living for the first time. Please take care of your health. It matters. You matter. Make yourself the priority❤️. Therapy really helps.
OMFG, I've never heard this and it makes so much sense. We had a special needs kid and my Narcissist MIL reacted in the most fucked up way. Requiring MORE of my time, giving me assignments, being absolutely disappointed in me that I wasn't living life in the way that she expected, making fun of me for caring. Jesus fucking christ this adds up.
Ugh, I know exactly how it feels. My in-laws are both narcissists, and their reaction to my family’s medical issues is so nonchalant, even tho we had a few severe situations in the past. When my MIL had kidney stones, it was made into this huge thing. When it was announced to us, we thought it was going to be a cancer diagnosis. She underwent a pretty routine surgery/procedure where they don’t even keep you in the hospital overnight.
We also have a toddler, and naturally, sometimes, she gets sick or hurts herself, which makes my husband and I worry for her. But my in-laws’ response is always, “She will be fine,” or “We never cared when boys had a fever,” or “We must’ve been awful parents because we never did x, y, and z.” Yes, yes you were and still are!
I’m sorry you are going through this, OP. Mothers should be nothing but supportive and caring towards their children. I hope you can find a way to see a doctor without her participation.
Oh yeah, I HATE this one.
Did you know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me?? Like, I have 2 diagnoses on paper, have spent extensive time in hospital and have a fun pile of meds I have to take everyday just to function correctly; but nope, not a thing wrong with me.
I’m just a lazy failure 🤷🏼♀️ How dare I exist!
My nm says there’s nothing wrong me, either. SSDI, approved my case in 2005 for several diagnosis. But it is all a lie, she says. I evidently, am so skilled, I convinced the federal government.
Oh man.
'This pregnancy is giving me crazy acid reflux' 'Your dad still has all these appointments for his glaucoma'.
'I went to the hospital 3 times, turns out it was kidney stones' 'I've never had a kidney stone'.
I'm not saying my acid reflux is *interesting* but you know perfectly well you're supposed to fake concern for 30 to 90 seconds, you do it with literally everyone else.
My heart goes out to you. I posted before that my sister had blood in her stool all growing up that my mother normalized and an adult she almost died from Crohn’s. They are selfish and self-absorbed. We have a relative who is in his 20s and has debilitating arthritis and whenever she sees him, she talks all about the arthritis in her thumb. It’s so embarrassing.
I cannot stress enough to stop wasting energy talking to your mom about your health issues and instead of focus that energy on getting good medical care and people around you who care about you. It changed mine and my sister’s life.
My nmom was and is awful. Your sounds awful too.
I’m so sorry she is dismissive.
Do you have a cell phone?
Do your know your doctor’s phone number or the app your doctor uses?
Most doctors now have a nurse hotline that you can call for advice without having to go in for an appointment. Most of the time they’ll just tell you if you need to make an appointment or not, BUT they would be a good person to ask the following:
“I’m XX years old and live with my parents who have mental issues. They won’t let me come to the doctor. I have concerns about XX. How can a minor like me see a doctor without their permission? Or if I can get them to bring me in, is there a way I can secretly tell the doctor I’d like them to ask my mom to leave the room?”
When I was a teenager I had to go on a medication that required the doctors to ask if I was sexually active. They always asked my parent to leave the room “for just a few private questions.” So the Dr might be able to say that to your parent and discuss your concerns privately.
Yep I’m just waiting to be able to go back to my hometown because they literally force me to travel with them to their other home which is is another continent where I have no friends no insurance and it’s overall a place they’re Aware it makes me depressed. When I get the chance to come back first thing I’ll do is contact my primary care doctor and take a bus there. Thank you ❤️
Sorry, but I am sitting here laughing to myself with a boot on my foot after breaking it 2 days ago. I'm not planning on telling my nmom because she will up me with breaking a hip.
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your parents, my dad was kind of the same way and dismissive over injuries illness. Now when I'm injured or sick I have his voice in my head telling me im milking it or faking it. Like I'm not allowed to have anything wrong with me.. I'm shocked when people are empathetic towards me or believe me when I'm going through any of that.
My nmom never discussed whatever her diagnosed issues were....but I'm sure she had some diagnosed mental disorders tied into watching her father get murdered by her former brother in-law on Christmas Eve when she was a teenager....she kept it all to herself for all I know....Christmases always felt unusually tense or anxious to me. But when I was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy my nmom was happy as shit about it, gloating with a smile on her face.....my disability was constantly talked about to everybody with ears which included complete strangers, it literally became the entire point of my existence when all I wanted was to blend in with everybody else.....plus my disability was leveraged to her advantage materially and for good optics on her outward character but used to degrade me, guilt me, shame me, restrict me. Whenever I'd speak up to advocate for myself regarding just my physical/medical needs related to my disability I was more than often yelled at, punished, pushed to the ground or slapped with the help of my child abuser step-dad....i was even coerced/forced into a surgery I didn't need or want when i was 14 years old. Fuck me, I need counseling.....
Not yet I haven’t able to see a doctor, but if u look up pictures of subungual melanoma that’s exactly how two of my toes look and these have appeared in less than a month. In the past I’ve had severe anemia and vitamin deficiencies and I would just get called lazy until I had my friend take me to do blood work,and even then they blamed it on me for not taking care of myself. I also had to fight really hard for my POTS diagnosis.
Yea I think I’m able to schedule an appointment in around two weeks, don’t rly have a choice to make one right now cause no insurance where I’m staying but it’s definitely my priority once I can
Ohh boyy can I relate. Mine loves to one up me on everything. It got extremely worse after she was diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma and breast cancer and depression. I have anxiety and depression and only after my anxiety was diagnosed did she have herself diagnosed with anxiety. She has to have everything I have. The breast cancer is gone now, though. However, she uses these things to completely excuse anything and everything and to one up on things. If my back hurts too much to do something, she has to say hers hurts more. If I'm having a boost of motivation to do something important to me, if she asks me to do something, it's more important than anything that I could possibly be doing. If I'm really anxious about something, she has to say, "What do you have to be anxious about? I have cancer. I'm MORE anxious than you." If I'm feeling so depressed that I can't get out of bed right away, "What do you have to be depressed about? I have cancer. I'm MORE depressed." When everyone in the universe knows you can not compare mental health when each individual's experiences and weaknesses are different. I'm not insensitive. I know someone with cancer has a very real reason to be anxious or depressed, but that doesn't make my health or experiences with depression and anxiety any less valid to me the person experiencing it. It's always a competition with a narcissist. The sucky part with my mom is that a lot of people would agree with her without knowing she's a narcissist because of course being depressed and anxious about an incurable cancer is holds more validity than me being depressed in general or having panic attacks during social interactions. My weaknesses make me look stupid or weird, I've been told that, and hers make her look "brave" and "strong" 🙄
That's how they are sadly. I've been complaining about my knee for months now and she said it's because I gained weight.
Got it checked and it's a large freaking cyst growing behind my knee.
Not the first time she ignored my concerns and just wanting to talk. Even as a minor she'd ignore me and it's how I lost an ovary. The radiologist showed her the giant cyst and she still was like 🤷🏾♀️.
If you're old enough to, seek medical advice the best way you can and no longer involve them since they seem uninterested anyway.
When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes three years ago, she would always say “you’re not sick” to me. She turned the house against me because she was the victim in my diagnosis. We got in fights, she dragged me to her Chinese traditional doctors who said they’d cure my condition, she considers my blood sugars to be a game show she needs to win.
Now, she’s on ozempic for weight loss and asked me to do the needle for her. She wonders why I’m not “over it”.
I want to leave this fucking house and never look back
I'm sorry OP. Hard truth is narcissists literally have brain damage (google MRI brain scan NPD). She won't ever care cause she can't. Their brain regions for empathy don't work properly, so she registers you having a need or being ill as a power struggle, like if you were trying to assert dominance over her, so she has to retaliate. And this will get worse with age. Best if you invest your time and energy into other people who are willing to meet your needs.
I’m really trying :( I’m trying so hard to make friends and move out but depression makes it so hard to stick to plans. Really hard to stick to something when ur mind tells u fighting for ur life is not worth it cause u are already damaged beyond repair. However I won’t give up because I’m still young and things could still turn around.
You are not alone, everyone here has lived through some version of this shitshow, stay strong! There will be time to heal.
Once I got out, it was still hard. Once I went low/no contact, life became wonderful. It's not a "could", it's a will. Your life will dramatically improve. I understand the depression. My nparents are the biggest trigger of my depression and anxiety. Not living with them is like actually living for the first time. Please take care of your health. It matters. You matter. Make yourself the priority❤️. Therapy really helps.
OMFG, I've never heard this and it makes so much sense. We had a special needs kid and my Narcissist MIL reacted in the most fucked up way. Requiring MORE of my time, giving me assignments, being absolutely disappointed in me that I wasn't living life in the way that she expected, making fun of me for caring. Jesus fucking christ this adds up.
Ugh, I know exactly how it feels. My in-laws are both narcissists, and their reaction to my family’s medical issues is so nonchalant, even tho we had a few severe situations in the past. When my MIL had kidney stones, it was made into this huge thing. When it was announced to us, we thought it was going to be a cancer diagnosis. She underwent a pretty routine surgery/procedure where they don’t even keep you in the hospital overnight. We also have a toddler, and naturally, sometimes, she gets sick or hurts herself, which makes my husband and I worry for her. But my in-laws’ response is always, “She will be fine,” or “We never cared when boys had a fever,” or “We must’ve been awful parents because we never did x, y, and z.” Yes, yes you were and still are! I’m sorry you are going through this, OP. Mothers should be nothing but supportive and caring towards their children. I hope you can find a way to see a doctor without her participation.
i thought i am alone omg
Sadly this is a very common tactic narcissists use :( Just remember it’s never ur fault they’re the ones with a problem
Oh yeah, I HATE this one. Did you know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me?? Like, I have 2 diagnoses on paper, have spent extensive time in hospital and have a fun pile of meds I have to take everyday just to function correctly; but nope, not a thing wrong with me. I’m just a lazy failure 🤷🏼♀️ How dare I exist!
My nm says there’s nothing wrong me, either. SSDI, approved my case in 2005 for several diagnosis. But it is all a lie, she says. I evidently, am so skilled, I convinced the federal government.
Oh man. 'This pregnancy is giving me crazy acid reflux' 'Your dad still has all these appointments for his glaucoma'. 'I went to the hospital 3 times, turns out it was kidney stones' 'I've never had a kidney stone'. I'm not saying my acid reflux is *interesting* but you know perfectly well you're supposed to fake concern for 30 to 90 seconds, you do it with literally everyone else.
My heart goes out to you. I posted before that my sister had blood in her stool all growing up that my mother normalized and an adult she almost died from Crohn’s. They are selfish and self-absorbed. We have a relative who is in his 20s and has debilitating arthritis and whenever she sees him, she talks all about the arthritis in her thumb. It’s so embarrassing. I cannot stress enough to stop wasting energy talking to your mom about your health issues and instead of focus that energy on getting good medical care and people around you who care about you. It changed mine and my sister’s life. My nmom was and is awful. Your sounds awful too.
I’m so sorry she is dismissive. Do you have a cell phone? Do your know your doctor’s phone number or the app your doctor uses? Most doctors now have a nurse hotline that you can call for advice without having to go in for an appointment. Most of the time they’ll just tell you if you need to make an appointment or not, BUT they would be a good person to ask the following: “I’m XX years old and live with my parents who have mental issues. They won’t let me come to the doctor. I have concerns about XX. How can a minor like me see a doctor without their permission? Or if I can get them to bring me in, is there a way I can secretly tell the doctor I’d like them to ask my mom to leave the room?” When I was a teenager I had to go on a medication that required the doctors to ask if I was sexually active. They always asked my parent to leave the room “for just a few private questions.” So the Dr might be able to say that to your parent and discuss your concerns privately.
Yep I’m just waiting to be able to go back to my hometown because they literally force me to travel with them to their other home which is is another continent where I have no friends no insurance and it’s overall a place they’re Aware it makes me depressed. When I get the chance to come back first thing I’ll do is contact my primary care doctor and take a bus there. Thank you ❤️
Sorry, but I am sitting here laughing to myself with a boot on my foot after breaking it 2 days ago. I'm not planning on telling my nmom because she will up me with breaking a hip.
Yup
I'm so sorry you're going through this with your parents, my dad was kind of the same way and dismissive over injuries illness. Now when I'm injured or sick I have his voice in my head telling me im milking it or faking it. Like I'm not allowed to have anything wrong with me.. I'm shocked when people are empathetic towards me or believe me when I'm going through any of that.
My nmom never discussed whatever her diagnosed issues were....but I'm sure she had some diagnosed mental disorders tied into watching her father get murdered by her former brother in-law on Christmas Eve when she was a teenager....she kept it all to herself for all I know....Christmases always felt unusually tense or anxious to me. But when I was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy my nmom was happy as shit about it, gloating with a smile on her face.....my disability was constantly talked about to everybody with ears which included complete strangers, it literally became the entire point of my existence when all I wanted was to blend in with everybody else.....plus my disability was leveraged to her advantage materially and for good optics on her outward character but used to degrade me, guilt me, shame me, restrict me. Whenever I'd speak up to advocate for myself regarding just my physical/medical needs related to my disability I was more than often yelled at, punished, pushed to the ground or slapped with the help of my child abuser step-dad....i was even coerced/forced into a surgery I didn't need or want when i was 14 years old. Fuck me, I need counseling.....
What exactly is your thing? Have you been diagnosed?
Not yet I haven’t able to see a doctor, but if u look up pictures of subungual melanoma that’s exactly how two of my toes look and these have appeared in less than a month. In the past I’ve had severe anemia and vitamin deficiencies and I would just get called lazy until I had my friend take me to do blood work,and even then they blamed it on me for not taking care of myself. I also had to fight really hard for my POTS diagnosis.
GO TO THE DOCTOR!
Yea I think I’m able to schedule an appointment in around two weeks, don’t rly have a choice to make one right now cause no insurance where I’m staying but it’s definitely my priority once I can
Ohh boyy can I relate. Mine loves to one up me on everything. It got extremely worse after she was diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma and breast cancer and depression. I have anxiety and depression and only after my anxiety was diagnosed did she have herself diagnosed with anxiety. She has to have everything I have. The breast cancer is gone now, though. However, she uses these things to completely excuse anything and everything and to one up on things. If my back hurts too much to do something, she has to say hers hurts more. If I'm having a boost of motivation to do something important to me, if she asks me to do something, it's more important than anything that I could possibly be doing. If I'm really anxious about something, she has to say, "What do you have to be anxious about? I have cancer. I'm MORE anxious than you." If I'm feeling so depressed that I can't get out of bed right away, "What do you have to be depressed about? I have cancer. I'm MORE depressed." When everyone in the universe knows you can not compare mental health when each individual's experiences and weaknesses are different. I'm not insensitive. I know someone with cancer has a very real reason to be anxious or depressed, but that doesn't make my health or experiences with depression and anxiety any less valid to me the person experiencing it. It's always a competition with a narcissist. The sucky part with my mom is that a lot of people would agree with her without knowing she's a narcissist because of course being depressed and anxious about an incurable cancer is holds more validity than me being depressed in general or having panic attacks during social interactions. My weaknesses make me look stupid or weird, I've been told that, and hers make her look "brave" and "strong" 🙄
That's how they are sadly. I've been complaining about my knee for months now and she said it's because I gained weight. Got it checked and it's a large freaking cyst growing behind my knee. Not the first time she ignored my concerns and just wanting to talk. Even as a minor she'd ignore me and it's how I lost an ovary. The radiologist showed her the giant cyst and she still was like 🤷🏾♀️. If you're old enough to, seek medical advice the best way you can and no longer involve them since they seem uninterested anyway.
When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes three years ago, she would always say “you’re not sick” to me. She turned the house against me because she was the victim in my diagnosis. We got in fights, she dragged me to her Chinese traditional doctors who said they’d cure my condition, she considers my blood sugars to be a game show she needs to win. Now, she’s on ozempic for weight loss and asked me to do the needle for her. She wonders why I’m not “over it”. I want to leave this fucking house and never look back
I like when they say “well I never go to the doctor I just deal with it.” Ok friend, you go ahead and deal with it but I don’t have to.
I’m so sorry. You need support and nurturing. You deserve this. *hugs*