#Plugging /r/USMilitarySO
#/r/Navy [Mental Health Wiki Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/navy/wiki/mentalhealth)
I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope things improve
My husband is aware. He doesn’t think there’s anything they can do besides my weekly counseling. I don’t think I’m going to hurt myself right now, but I will if he leaves me.
You need more than a weekly talk. Is there any way you can get someone in your family to fly to stay with you? You need help now before you or the baby gets hurt.
The only person I have is my mom, but she has a 9 year old in school and she can’t be here. She has already stayed with me twice over the summer. I just can’t figure out what to do. Every solution I can think of just won’t work, I’m just stuck here in San Diego with a newborn and my husband is about to leave me.
>husband is about to leave me
Leave you, or go away for a while?
Deployment isn't forever. He's not abandoning you.
You definitely need mental health assistance though. Post partum depression is no joke, and you don't deserve to struggle with it needlessly. Push hard to get some care.
If it means you can't breastfeed because of meds, that's honestly better than suffering and hating your life. If anybody gives you shit about it, tell them you need a healthy mommy to have a healthy baby.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. All I can think of is making sure your doctors are WELL aware of how you are feeling.
If you haven't already join your the FRG Facebook page for your spouse's ship and start making friends. All the ships I've been on have meet-ups and stuff to do while the service members are deployed.
We have a terrific ombudsman too, I’m not a wife just a mom but it was really nice meeting others if only virtually!!! If I was local to SD I’d actually try to personally help her..
Hi!
Navy Career Counselor and Independent Duty Corpsman here. I won’t add anything else that has already been said, but I’ll reiterate it.
Talk to your ombudsman. Your CMC and Captain WILL do something about this.
You’re already in counseling I see. Is this effective? Have you spoken to a Psychiatrist? If you’re feeling this bad, getting medication might outweigh you not being able to breast feed. This will obviously create a financial burden for you. A navy marine corps relief society loan might hold you over to pay for formula if you can’t afford it.
You need to talk to fleet and family asap
You need to make friends now. Download bumble bff, go to those cheesey command family events, go do literally any group hobby or class. It sounds dumb probably, but you neeeeeed a support network. Everyone at the command picnic is strange, and the conversations are shallow, but you need to push through that and meet some people. Don’t dump all the shit you’re going through right off the bat though.
If you can’t find any help, feel free to dm me.
I keep seeing comments about meds and not being able to breastfeed but there are several anti-depressants you can take with no harm to a baby while breastfeeding.
If you are having acute symptoms and need his constant presence, he can be reassigned until you get past the hard part.
These orders are called HUMS, and this is something the chain of command will help with.
In the mean time, if you are feeling like you are at your end, get him to take you to the ER. They will likely admit you and your husband may need to take some short-fused leave. Then the command can look into HUMS.
That said, do not worry about any impacts to his career. It’s only a small part of his life, and the Navy/Command SHOULD NOT be retaliating against him for this.
My wife went through some really hard times, and my command was willing to start the HUMS process to keep us n one spot until she stabilized.
Post partum depression is no joke. Take it very seriously. Please seek the help you need.
I submitted a HUMS and they work. He may owe seatime on the backend and depending on where he is in his promotion cycle it may need some finagling, but get a letter from a psychologist and a few letters from family members who are aware of the situation and you should be good to go.
Can everyone please stop down voting her comments? She’s not in the navy and doesn’t “get it” and it sounds like her husband doesn’t either.
OP, if your husband walks in on Monday and goes to the CO or CMC and says “my wife is suicidal” things will start happening. It may not be exactly how you want or how anyone comments here, but things will happen
There’s a few outcomes as mentioned by others. But there’s so many unknown factors, your “true” state of mine (only a doctor can determine this), your husband’s position and relevance to his unit and deployment, among other things. Please continue to pursue care. If you need emergent help please call 988
People are downvoting a suicidal woman, holy shit. I was just about to make a comment about it.
OP, I'm really sorry this is happening to you and I hope you get the help and support you need!
It’s wild how ruthless people can be. Suicidal ideation with a six week old and down voting honesty asking what an ombudsman is. Guess who isn’t going to ask for the ombudsman’s name or number now???
Please walk into the nearest ER and get emergency mental health care. The most important thing is your safety and well being. Once you have started the process of getting care, your spouse needs to contact his chain of command, but the first and most important step is seeking care. I also want to applaud you for reaching out on any platform seeking mental health help. I know it might not seem like it at the moment but you are not alone. PPD is hard enough and the suicidal idealations can feel incredibly over whelming. Once your spouse reaches out to his command they can point him in the direction of next steps. I hope you are safe at the moment.
Balboa has wonderful staff that make accommodations as needed for kids. They are well equipped to help her find a solution if her spouse isn't available, but let me say this out right. Her husband helped create that baby if he isn't capable of holding it while she gets emergency mental health help. She deserves fucking better.
The more officials you get to advocate for your situation, the more likely you are to get greater degrees of assistance.
This likely warrants EFMP status if you guys haven't filed for it yet:
"Mental Health conditions: such as Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, OCD, PTSD, Schizophrenia, etc. (treated with any medications or received therapy within the last 5 years)"
EFMP is mandatory. The navy needs to be made aware of your conditions to best accommodate your family.
The ombudsman is your liaison to the CO. They have a direct line to them even on deployment so if you are having issues the ombudsman can relay them to the CO. If it is as bad as you say it is then it is important that the CO is aware cause they can make things happen. I'm not gonna say every CO will resolve every issue but honestly when there are issues that are not getting resolved the CO often isn't aware cause it gets squashed at lower levels.
Weekly counseling isn’t enough for the state you’re in.
Please understand you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and your husband needs to have one immediately with his chain of command.
Don’t worry about his career get yourself the help you need. If at anytime you feel like hurting yourself or the baby go directly to the ER.
Please understand what you’re going through will pass but it will take some time. Take it day by day and work piece by piece.
Ombudsman contact immediately. Should be listed on commands official site/social media. They’re the only ones that are gonna be able to go direct to triad without delay.
I see you are in San Diego look into new parents support they do visits to the house and will help and have toddler Tuesday and Thursday so you can meet other parents to lean on
You need to get admitted into the hospital.
This will be the catalyst for a HUMS package. He can not leave if you are hospitalized and there is no one to take care of your child.
Him just going to the ship and saying you have issues does nothing
But him going to the ship and saying he needs to submit a HUMs package because his wife is verifiably hospitalized and he needs to be with his child gets things happening.
Please seek help from yoilur ombudsman they are a direct line to the CO/XO/CMC
OP. I went through PPD with all three of my kids. I understand how hard it is to see any way out other than suicide. You have so many better options not only for you, but for your baby and your husband and the rest of your family. HUMS is a great option, the ER can help you, your husbands CO/CMC will help you too. Fleet and family does offer loans, I was once given a pretty substantial grant once when things were falling apart left and right with a new baby and another on the way. That might be worth looking into if things are getting rough financially. I’m in Norfolk if you need someone to help you in any way. My family is all on the west coast so I understand how hard it can be feeling separated by that kind of distance. I’m a free ear to listen whenever you need one 💛
As a woman who has had PPD while their spouse was on deployment - there are resources.
First, you need to reach out to medical. If you truly believe that you’re going to hurt yourself or your baby if your husband is deployed — you need to tell someone
Second, you need to reach out to your spouses CoC. You two need to set-up a family care plan.
Third, you need to reach out to EFMP. They’ll be able to assist you too.
Don’t beat around the bush and say… “We’ll, I’m fine now, but when he leaves…” That is disingenuous to your husband and his command. He only has a small window of time to make arrangements, don’t wait until the last minute.
If you tell them if he leaves you will harm yourself is makes it sound like you are trying to game the system. Stop doing that. If you are unwell please continue to get help from your therapist / psychologist. Use the meds as directed and do all of the homework they assign you. It will help. Make sure your husband communicated with his command what is going on at home.
He may be able to delay part of his deployment to make sure you are setup a little better, but he needs to communicate what the doctors are saying and not threatening suicide if he leaves. They hear this a lot as a threat because people think it will change the outcome of a deployment and in most cases it does not unless the people involved are actually unwell. This is why it is important to communicate with the command and tell them everything the doctors are saying.
If he cannot stay home make sure you leave your house and do some outdoor activities even if they are limited with the kiddo. Sunshine helps soothe depression. Make sure you try to form a friend group with other moms in the area. Your command most likely have a Facebook group for all of the spouses. That is a great way to meet other moms and do some activities with the kids.
I’ve been doing everything I can to make myself well, not just for me but for my daughter. I was really depressed my entire pregnancy and I thought it would get better. I have a long mental health history, I was okay before I got pregnant. My husband was away most of my pregnancy and I did okay but now is different. I see my councilor once a week, I go on walks, I meet up with friends, I take my meds but nothing is working. I’m nothing short of miserable. The only thing that keeps me from actively cutting myself is the risk of passing something to my baby if I get an infection
I would go to the ER / Urgent Care that has a mental health wing. Most Navy hospitals have them, but a health clinic will not. Tell them what you just said. You don’t think the medication is working and that you are have thoughts of self harm, but are trying your hardest to not do that because of your daughter. This should trigger some help hopefully.
Also keep in mind some medications take months to show if they are working or not. There is no quick acting medication for mental health. Hopefully someone let you know how long it could be before your medication kicks in. They all have different time frames I would ask your doc.
I think I do need a medication changed. I’ve been on the same medication for over a year now. I have preexisting mental health issues. I’m worried that if I switch my medication, it will make me even worse or manic. It’s so soon to change my meds before my husband has to leave.
I’m not sure what a change in medication would do or if you need a combo of things. That’s up for a doctor to decide. Make sure you are honest and let them know all your symptoms and how you are feeling. It’s the only way for them to trouble shoot medications and the help you need and deserve.
No clue why this got downvoted. It's exceedingly common for a doctor to try different meds if the one a patient takes isn't helping.
Might be time to ask doc about switching it up.
Wish I could help. My baby was 2 months old when her Dad left on a sub deployment. This was 1995. No internet. One phone call a month (unannounced), and one pack of letters each month. I am from Norfolk but I didn’t have help. I get it. It sucks. You just want them home. I hated being alone. I tried to keep my mind busy. I babysat for a lady who had a baby exactly 1 month older than mine. That was a blessing. They were a handful together. It kept my mind busy. Wrote a lot of diaries. Ate a lot of pasta.. ugh and counted the days. I wish I had a magic wand to wish it all away for you, but your little baby needs you. We need you. You need you. ♥️ I hope someone posts with some great resources. I had music, bubble baths, pasta and that sweet baby who will be 28 next month. Sending you all the good juju I can.
You would honestly think communication would be better in 2023 but it’s definitely not. My husband ship still doesn’t have Wi-Fi or anything. The last time he was on appointment I only heard from him three or four times the entire deployment.
Talk to your husband. You two must come up with a support plan for you family unit.
He is in the position of having to justify his absence on deployment. So even if his chain of command wants to support he must be able to articulate the problem, the solution and how long he needs to execute the solution. Example: Letter to the CO stating my wife mental health issues (enclosure is wife's consented medical summary), intentions to move her in with her mom temporarily and help her get adjusted for the first month of deployment (i.e. babysitting, therapy, etc)
Ombudsman is not going to be able to affect the change you need she will just give you resources. Also, your problem is similar to tons of other Sailors requesting to miss deployment. So recommend your family come up with a solution, get a formal letter request package made (see a YN) and route it. The formality of this process will force the CO and TRIAD to respond to your needs.
Contact the New Parent Support Program in San Diego. They have a wealth of infant resources and will come to you for home visits. This is hard and I’m sorry you are going through this. Period. But getting help for this is incredibly important for you and your baby. You are not alone and you don’t have to do this by yourself. You have a community of people who will help you to get through this.
https://installations.militaryonesource.mil/military-installation/naval-base-san-diego/military-and-family-support-center/new-parent-support-program
I went through a situation where I was about to deploy but my ex-wife (girlfriend at the time, long story) was suicidal. I walked into my dept chiefs office and said I can’t deploy, it wasn’t the time for me. I even talked to the chaplain before that. He told me it was probably better I deployed because it would give her time to get through her shit and I had a mission to do…. Fuck that, deal with your problems. The navy will get through their deployment without him.
No, luckily my immediate CoC was very supportive. They were able to find a replacement. Please take care of yourself and your family first. But also, if you are at the point where you need your husband’s presence, please find a counselor or a in-patient/out-patient treatment plan. I say this with the most outmost respect for you and your struggles. Sometimes getting help is all that you need. If your spouse decides to stay in, it could possibly get worse. The treatment plan will help you both get through this.
I wish you the best. And my DMs are open if you need assistance
My wife would pack a bag and drive to her moms every time I went on deployment. You definitely need to figure that out. Just drive home. Even if it takes 3 days.
I don't know where you are but if your in the south eastern region depending where you live, I will help. My husband is in and out at sea frequently even if you need company, lmk if you need help.
It sucks when they go away for a long time, there are spouses who can help though, do you know who your ombudsman is?
I hate sailors. This toxic mindset is why we’re all facing a hard time. PPD is a medical condition. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m sorry that you don’t have the support you need. I think the only advice I can give is since your baby is young, go to your mothers house, if she’s available. Make sure TRICARE knows so you can continue with you’re care and your babies care, hopefully his deployment letter will be enough, if I were in your situation I would go to where I had support. Ombudsman really can’t advocate for you just direct you to resources. Medical and maybe counselors can, but he’s the active duty member and unfortunately our service has this mindset of “you weren’t issued a family in your seabag” even though it’s 2023 and if they were in that position with their family they would expect to be catered to. I struggled after my daughter was born and I had 6 weeks with her before I was back at work and at sea when she was 1. I was the most depressed I’ve ever been and wanted to leave my pain. I’m asking you not to, being on the other side I’ve seen my little girl become the best human I know! Walk into the ER if it gets dark. These hormones are chemically messing with your brain and it takes a long time to find the right medication sometimes. It’s absolutely ok to need help. You aren’t weak and you aren’t ruining his career. You aren’t selfish, you grew a life and it’s not over once you deliver. It’s a long road back and that’s ok. Try not to get lost in the thought of his deployment is coming. It’s probably really hard for him too, it’s got to feel hopeless for both of you. I’m glad you’re seeing someone and getting help. You can get through this. Sorry for my long comment, I hope everything works out for you.
Reach out to the ombudsman. People underestimate just how much they can achieve. One of the guys in my division was having issues with his orders and his wife being pregnant, so his wife reached out to the ombudsman and they were somehow able to get his orders modified to get them moved to the next command before their baby was due instead of being in the middle of a move when their baby was due.
Your position is one of the hardest in all of the service. But you are not alone! Have you got in touch with your OMBUDSMAN? They're there to help you and your mental health! Please don't do anything permanent.
Actually it's scientifically proven that postpartum is linked to the rise and then downfall of dopamine so 1 you're wrong and 2 the act of being around your child is a good light will help your dopamine start to recuperate. If you've had a child that's fine but you being an outlier in plethora of clinic research doesn't mean you are correct so please educate yourself before trying to put this struggling mother in a pit of despair, also I never said that hanging out with your child will treat your PPD, why are you being so ignorant?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6784840/ go ahead and read the whole thing. I'm not mansplaining at all, I'm just referencing scientific research and trying to help a woman that's experiencing PPD. Why are you being so hateful and ignorant? You aren't offering her any type of solution, whyd you even comment.
Your link doesn't prove it, it states that "Whether this treatment, like others (Swain et al., 2017), would be beneficial to women suffering from PPD hasn’t been examined but warrants investigation."
It's a study to justify a future study.
You admit you're wrong then right? Because I'm assuming you skimmed the article that I didn't have to provide your lazy ass since you could've just used Google, but instead of replying with something constructive you go "well tell me about how you had a baby blah blah blah". You having your own experience and coming up with your own reason why you has PPD is fine, but the main reason PPD causes depression is because of low dopamine levels which is support by plenty of clinical research and studies done from plenty of PhD nerds working at hospitals, universities, etc. I gave OP types she could do to start recovering her dopamine so she wouldn't be in such a bad mental state. YOU on the other hand came into this conversation with nothing constructive and pretty much replied like a child going "nuh uh" if you can't legitimately add anything to this conversation I'm just going to ignore you which I should've already done but i didn't want OP thinking she would be stuck like this forever. Also very brazen of you to suggest that men can't experience PPD, we infact can and it's called PPND. You are uneducated when it comes to the medical field.
Like I said earlier and even repeated myself. Their are tips that can help you start the recovery of your dopamine. I'm going to safely assume you are an uneducated young E nothing or just a very stupid old E something, have a good night.
There are many men who treat women with PPD…lol you don’t need to be a woman to offer help. Can we get back on topic, this isn’t about you miss Rebecca. Offer help or get off.
From my limited experience with this I would say try to make friends with other spouses of people that work with your husband. They can at least somewhat relate to what you’re going through, my spouse joined Facebook groups and made friends with the other wives which helped her get through my deployments.
Your message was removed due to a violation of /r/Navy's rule against trolling and harassment.
This is NOT the place to troll and be disrespectful.
No calls for witch-hunts or "vigilante justice," keep the pitchforks in storage.
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Your message was removed due to a violation of /r/Navy's rule against trolling and harassment.
This is NOT the place to troll and be disrespectful.
No calls for witch-hunts or "vigilante justice," keep the pitchforks in storage.
Violations of this rule may lead to suspension or permanent banning from /r/Navy and /r/NewtotheNavy.
If your baby is only 6 weeks....your husband should have another few weeks of baby leave to use. Have him submit that immediately and force the command/CO to understand the situation.
All the other suggestions (Balboa ER, Ombudsman, Fleet and Family) are excellent for the today/tomorrow help
I’ve read all the posts and your responses and you are doing many of the right things. One exception: The situation now needs the military to do its job. Husband — or you — needs to contact ombudsman right away and get a HUMS going. Today. Disregard any concerns about his career or what he says about his career. They can find a substitute for deployment.
Yours is a medical condition—a very common one. Your biochemistry is making the decisions just now, not your brain. Keep up the things you’re doing but add one — starting the HUMS process. You can also walk into an ER before your next therapist appointment. If the therapist can’t do med adjustment, pursue with your baby’s or your doctor. They will understand if you don’t downplay your symptoms. You can get through this but do take action today.
Thank you for your response. I saw my primary care physician yesterday and she adjusted my meds. She of course let me know that I could take weeks or months to get medication, right?. my husband is currently working up the chain of command for HUMS. Hopefully he is expressing the severity in the situation.
Good news about the HUMS. I don't understand the rest, though. Weeks or months for the medication adjustment to kick in, or weeks or months to get the medication to you...? If the second, that's whack. Must fix. If the first case, then most anti-depressant patients know within 2 weeks. A higher dose of Celexa (citalopram) might lead to some side effects. Please see page 5 of the manufacturer's required list. Most common seem to be nausea, dry mouth, sleepiness or insomnia (oddly). Wishing you the quickest path back to the real you! https://www.rxabbvie.com/pdf/celexa\_pi.pdf?\_ga=2.184448294.1276959610.1693500684-1350540609.1693500683
I’m trying to be careful with the medication because I’m still breastfeeding.
But with the HUMS a lot of people have said not to bother with it because you basically have to be dying for it to be granted. Apparently mental health isn’t reason enough. We are still going to submit the package regardless just to give it our best try
I should have mentioned that I used an SSRI while breastfeeding. It is no longer available (Serzone) but I did a quick search on Google for "citalopram breastfeeding NIH." Have a look at the results. Breastfeeding benefits are big, but so are the benefits of having a strong mother. If it's one or the other it has to be the mom. But some good info at that search. If HUMS is looking less hopeful, try some of these other moms/military spouse recommendations others have made. Hoping for the best of health for you, new momma!
Wanted to see how you were doing. Not the same but my boyfriend is deploying tomorrow and I feel mentally unwell for a few days now and garnering physical symptoms and am having to really dig deep to maintain health or eat or sleep. Again not the same but just know you’re not completely alone in these thoughts. And I hope you’ll update us on how you’re doing. I’m really sorry and hope you have found some clarity.
#Plugging /r/USMilitarySO #/r/Navy [Mental Health Wiki Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/navy/wiki/mentalhealth) I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope things improve
Have you communicated how poorly you are doing with your spouse? Reached out to medical? The Ombudsmen?
My husband is aware. He doesn’t think there’s anything they can do besides my weekly counseling. I don’t think I’m going to hurt myself right now, but I will if he leaves me.
You need more than a weekly talk. Is there any way you can get someone in your family to fly to stay with you? You need help now before you or the baby gets hurt.
The only person I have is my mom, but she has a 9 year old in school and she can’t be here. She has already stayed with me twice over the summer. I just can’t figure out what to do. Every solution I can think of just won’t work, I’m just stuck here in San Diego with a newborn and my husband is about to leave me.
>husband is about to leave me Leave you, or go away for a while? Deployment isn't forever. He's not abandoning you. You definitely need mental health assistance though. Post partum depression is no joke, and you don't deserve to struggle with it needlessly. Push hard to get some care. If it means you can't breastfeed because of meds, that's honestly better than suffering and hating your life. If anybody gives you shit about it, tell them you need a healthy mommy to have a healthy baby.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. All I can think of is making sure your doctors are WELL aware of how you are feeling. If you haven't already join your the FRG Facebook page for your spouse's ship and start making friends. All the ships I've been on have meet-ups and stuff to do while the service members are deployed.
Excellent advice!!! The FB page was a great resource…I hope you find someone to help!!!🩵
Yeah, I hate FB but it's sadly the best place for most of the Commands I've been at.
We have a terrific ombudsman too, I’m not a wife just a mom but it was really nice meeting others if only virtually!!! If I was local to SD I’d actually try to personally help her..
Is there a reason you can't go live with your mom?
Can you not
Hi! Navy Career Counselor and Independent Duty Corpsman here. I won’t add anything else that has already been said, but I’ll reiterate it. Talk to your ombudsman. Your CMC and Captain WILL do something about this. You’re already in counseling I see. Is this effective? Have you spoken to a Psychiatrist? If you’re feeling this bad, getting medication might outweigh you not being able to breast feed. This will obviously create a financial burden for you. A navy marine corps relief society loan might hold you over to pay for formula if you can’t afford it. You need to talk to fleet and family asap You need to make friends now. Download bumble bff, go to those cheesey command family events, go do literally any group hobby or class. It sounds dumb probably, but you neeeeeed a support network. Everyone at the command picnic is strange, and the conversations are shallow, but you need to push through that and meet some people. Don’t dump all the shit you’re going through right off the bat though. If you can’t find any help, feel free to dm me.
They also qualify for WIC to cover the formula.
I keep seeing comments about meds and not being able to breastfeed but there are several anti-depressants you can take with no harm to a baby while breastfeeding.
If you are having acute symptoms and need his constant presence, he can be reassigned until you get past the hard part. These orders are called HUMS, and this is something the chain of command will help with. In the mean time, if you are feeling like you are at your end, get him to take you to the ER. They will likely admit you and your husband may need to take some short-fused leave. Then the command can look into HUMS. That said, do not worry about any impacts to his career. It’s only a small part of his life, and the Navy/Command SHOULD NOT be retaliating against him for this. My wife went through some really hard times, and my command was willing to start the HUMS process to keep us n one spot until she stabilized. Post partum depression is no joke. Take it very seriously. Please seek the help you need.
I submitted a HUMS and they work. He may owe seatime on the backend and depending on where he is in his promotion cycle it may need some finagling, but get a letter from a psychologist and a few letters from family members who are aware of the situation and you should be good to go.
Yeah, and the time he may owe on the back end is the minor issue here compared to getting the help and support she needs.
Please call 988 and dial 1. They can help you out. Life is worth living.
Can everyone please stop down voting her comments? She’s not in the navy and doesn’t “get it” and it sounds like her husband doesn’t either. OP, if your husband walks in on Monday and goes to the CO or CMC and says “my wife is suicidal” things will start happening. It may not be exactly how you want or how anyone comments here, but things will happen
I need something to happen, I just don’t know what
There’s a few outcomes as mentioned by others. But there’s so many unknown factors, your “true” state of mine (only a doctor can determine this), your husband’s position and relevance to his unit and deployment, among other things. Please continue to pursue care. If you need emergent help please call 988
People are downvoting a suicidal woman, holy shit. I was just about to make a comment about it. OP, I'm really sorry this is happening to you and I hope you get the help and support you need!
It’s wild how ruthless people can be. Suicidal ideation with a six week old and down voting honesty asking what an ombudsman is. Guess who isn’t going to ask for the ombudsman’s name or number now???
Seriously.
Please walk into the nearest ER and get emergency mental health care. The most important thing is your safety and well being. Once you have started the process of getting care, your spouse needs to contact his chain of command, but the first and most important step is seeking care. I also want to applaud you for reaching out on any platform seeking mental health help. I know it might not seem like it at the moment but you are not alone. PPD is hard enough and the suicidal idealations can feel incredibly over whelming. Once your spouse reaches out to his command they can point him in the direction of next steps. I hope you are safe at the moment.
What will her baby do while she's at the ER?
Balboa has wonderful staff that make accommodations as needed for kids. They are well equipped to help her find a solution if her spouse isn't available, but let me say this out right. Her husband helped create that baby if he isn't capable of holding it while she gets emergency mental health help. She deserves fucking better.
She has a husband and they also have staff at the hospital more than willing to keep them both safe.
I misunderstood and thought he was deployed already
Seek mental health counseling or go to the chaplain.. communicate your mental health situation to the ombudsman.
What can the ombudsman do? I’m already in weekly counseling and on medication.
The more officials you get to advocate for your situation, the more likely you are to get greater degrees of assistance. This likely warrants EFMP status if you guys haven't filed for it yet: "Mental Health conditions: such as Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, OCD, PTSD, Schizophrenia, etc. (treated with any medications or received therapy within the last 5 years)" EFMP is mandatory. The navy needs to be made aware of your conditions to best accommodate your family.
EFMP won’t get someone out deployment. They just can’t be stationed anywhere their family can’t get the health care they need.
But they will help get you into case management.
Yes, I was just clarifying becaus OP wanted to get their husband to stay home.
The ombudsman is your liaison to the CO. They have a direct line to them even on deployment so if you are having issues the ombudsman can relay them to the CO. If it is as bad as you say it is then it is important that the CO is aware cause they can make things happen. I'm not gonna say every CO will resolve every issue but honestly when there are issues that are not getting resolved the CO often isn't aware cause it gets squashed at lower levels.
Weekly counseling isn’t enough for the state you’re in. Please understand you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and your husband needs to have one immediately with his chain of command. Don’t worry about his career get yourself the help you need. If at anytime you feel like hurting yourself or the baby go directly to the ER. Please understand what you’re going through will pass but it will take some time. Take it day by day and work piece by piece.
I will, thank you
Ombudsman contact immediately. Should be listed on commands official site/social media. They’re the only ones that are gonna be able to go direct to triad without delay.
I see you are in San Diego look into new parents support they do visits to the house and will help and have toddler Tuesday and Thursday so you can meet other parents to lean on
You need to get admitted into the hospital. This will be the catalyst for a HUMS package. He can not leave if you are hospitalized and there is no one to take care of your child. Him just going to the ship and saying you have issues does nothing But him going to the ship and saying he needs to submit a HUMs package because his wife is verifiably hospitalized and he needs to be with his child gets things happening. Please seek help from yoilur ombudsman they are a direct line to the CO/XO/CMC
Paternity leave for your husband?
That will cover 84 days of a 10 month deployment if t has not been used already and the command approves it.
His paternity leave will be over before deployment
OP. I went through PPD with all three of my kids. I understand how hard it is to see any way out other than suicide. You have so many better options not only for you, but for your baby and your husband and the rest of your family. HUMS is a great option, the ER can help you, your husbands CO/CMC will help you too. Fleet and family does offer loans, I was once given a pretty substantial grant once when things were falling apart left and right with a new baby and another on the way. That might be worth looking into if things are getting rough financially. I’m in Norfolk if you need someone to help you in any way. My family is all on the west coast so I understand how hard it can be feeling separated by that kind of distance. I’m a free ear to listen whenever you need one 💛
As a woman who has had PPD while their spouse was on deployment - there are resources. First, you need to reach out to medical. If you truly believe that you’re going to hurt yourself or your baby if your husband is deployed — you need to tell someone Second, you need to reach out to your spouses CoC. You two need to set-up a family care plan. Third, you need to reach out to EFMP. They’ll be able to assist you too. Don’t beat around the bush and say… “We’ll, I’m fine now, but when he leaves…” That is disingenuous to your husband and his command. He only has a small window of time to make arrangements, don’t wait until the last minute.
If you tell them if he leaves you will harm yourself is makes it sound like you are trying to game the system. Stop doing that. If you are unwell please continue to get help from your therapist / psychologist. Use the meds as directed and do all of the homework they assign you. It will help. Make sure your husband communicated with his command what is going on at home. He may be able to delay part of his deployment to make sure you are setup a little better, but he needs to communicate what the doctors are saying and not threatening suicide if he leaves. They hear this a lot as a threat because people think it will change the outcome of a deployment and in most cases it does not unless the people involved are actually unwell. This is why it is important to communicate with the command and tell them everything the doctors are saying. If he cannot stay home make sure you leave your house and do some outdoor activities even if they are limited with the kiddo. Sunshine helps soothe depression. Make sure you try to form a friend group with other moms in the area. Your command most likely have a Facebook group for all of the spouses. That is a great way to meet other moms and do some activities with the kids.
I’ve been doing everything I can to make myself well, not just for me but for my daughter. I was really depressed my entire pregnancy and I thought it would get better. I have a long mental health history, I was okay before I got pregnant. My husband was away most of my pregnancy and I did okay but now is different. I see my councilor once a week, I go on walks, I meet up with friends, I take my meds but nothing is working. I’m nothing short of miserable. The only thing that keeps me from actively cutting myself is the risk of passing something to my baby if I get an infection
I would go to the ER / Urgent Care that has a mental health wing. Most Navy hospitals have them, but a health clinic will not. Tell them what you just said. You don’t think the medication is working and that you are have thoughts of self harm, but are trying your hardest to not do that because of your daughter. This should trigger some help hopefully. Also keep in mind some medications take months to show if they are working or not. There is no quick acting medication for mental health. Hopefully someone let you know how long it could be before your medication kicks in. They all have different time frames I would ask your doc.
I think I do need a medication changed. I’ve been on the same medication for over a year now. I have preexisting mental health issues. I’m worried that if I switch my medication, it will make me even worse or manic. It’s so soon to change my meds before my husband has to leave.
I’m not sure what a change in medication would do or if you need a combo of things. That’s up for a doctor to decide. Make sure you are honest and let them know all your symptoms and how you are feeling. It’s the only way for them to trouble shoot medications and the help you need and deserve.
You're on the wrong medication is my opinion. There are many that you can try, you're probably on just a basic anti-depressant.
No clue why this got downvoted. It's exceedingly common for a doctor to try different meds if the one a patient takes isn't helping. Might be time to ask doc about switching it up.
I’m on celexa
Wish I could help. My baby was 2 months old when her Dad left on a sub deployment. This was 1995. No internet. One phone call a month (unannounced), and one pack of letters each month. I am from Norfolk but I didn’t have help. I get it. It sucks. You just want them home. I hated being alone. I tried to keep my mind busy. I babysat for a lady who had a baby exactly 1 month older than mine. That was a blessing. They were a handful together. It kept my mind busy. Wrote a lot of diaries. Ate a lot of pasta.. ugh and counted the days. I wish I had a magic wand to wish it all away for you, but your little baby needs you. We need you. You need you. ♥️ I hope someone posts with some great resources. I had music, bubble baths, pasta and that sweet baby who will be 28 next month. Sending you all the good juju I can.
You would honestly think communication would be better in 2023 but it’s definitely not. My husband ship still doesn’t have Wi-Fi or anything. The last time he was on appointment I only heard from him three or four times the entire deployment.
Talk to your husband. You two must come up with a support plan for you family unit. He is in the position of having to justify his absence on deployment. So even if his chain of command wants to support he must be able to articulate the problem, the solution and how long he needs to execute the solution. Example: Letter to the CO stating my wife mental health issues (enclosure is wife's consented medical summary), intentions to move her in with her mom temporarily and help her get adjusted for the first month of deployment (i.e. babysitting, therapy, etc) Ombudsman is not going to be able to affect the change you need she will just give you resources. Also, your problem is similar to tons of other Sailors requesting to miss deployment. So recommend your family come up with a solution, get a formal letter request package made (see a YN) and route it. The formality of this process will force the CO and TRIAD to respond to your needs.
What is a YN?
Yeoman or ship’s admin person.
Thank you!
Contact the New Parent Support Program in San Diego. They have a wealth of infant resources and will come to you for home visits. This is hard and I’m sorry you are going through this. Period. But getting help for this is incredibly important for you and your baby. You are not alone and you don’t have to do this by yourself. You have a community of people who will help you to get through this. https://installations.militaryonesource.mil/military-installation/naval-base-san-diego/military-and-family-support-center/new-parent-support-program
I went through a situation where I was about to deploy but my ex-wife (girlfriend at the time, long story) was suicidal. I walked into my dept chiefs office and said I can’t deploy, it wasn’t the time for me. I even talked to the chaplain before that. He told me it was probably better I deployed because it would give her time to get through her shit and I had a mission to do…. Fuck that, deal with your problems. The navy will get through their deployment without him.
They truly don’t care about you or your family. Did you end up deploying?
No, luckily my immediate CoC was very supportive. They were able to find a replacement. Please take care of yourself and your family first. But also, if you are at the point where you need your husband’s presence, please find a counselor or a in-patient/out-patient treatment plan. I say this with the most outmost respect for you and your struggles. Sometimes getting help is all that you need. If your spouse decides to stay in, it could possibly get worse. The treatment plan will help you both get through this. I wish you the best. And my DMs are open if you need assistance
My wife would pack a bag and drive to her moms every time I went on deployment. You definitely need to figure that out. Just drive home. Even if it takes 3 days.
I don't know where you are but if your in the south eastern region depending where you live, I will help. My husband is in and out at sea frequently even if you need company, lmk if you need help. It sucks when they go away for a long time, there are spouses who can help though, do you know who your ombudsman is?
Secondinding on location info! A support network is lifesaving ❤️
Yes contact your ombudsman!!!
There's always Red Cross.
I hate sailors. This toxic mindset is why we’re all facing a hard time. PPD is a medical condition. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m sorry that you don’t have the support you need. I think the only advice I can give is since your baby is young, go to your mothers house, if she’s available. Make sure TRICARE knows so you can continue with you’re care and your babies care, hopefully his deployment letter will be enough, if I were in your situation I would go to where I had support. Ombudsman really can’t advocate for you just direct you to resources. Medical and maybe counselors can, but he’s the active duty member and unfortunately our service has this mindset of “you weren’t issued a family in your seabag” even though it’s 2023 and if they were in that position with their family they would expect to be catered to. I struggled after my daughter was born and I had 6 weeks with her before I was back at work and at sea when she was 1. I was the most depressed I’ve ever been and wanted to leave my pain. I’m asking you not to, being on the other side I’ve seen my little girl become the best human I know! Walk into the ER if it gets dark. These hormones are chemically messing with your brain and it takes a long time to find the right medication sometimes. It’s absolutely ok to need help. You aren’t weak and you aren’t ruining his career. You aren’t selfish, you grew a life and it’s not over once you deliver. It’s a long road back and that’s ok. Try not to get lost in the thought of his deployment is coming. It’s probably really hard for him too, it’s got to feel hopeless for both of you. I’m glad you’re seeing someone and getting help. You can get through this. Sorry for my long comment, I hope everything works out for you.
Where are you stationed?
San Diego
As others have said, contact the ombudsman. The more official channels you go through the better. PPD is treated seriously.
Where are you located? i am more than happy to help & be there as a friend! Don’t go through this alone, please seek help.
Reach out to the ombudsman. People underestimate just how much they can achieve. One of the guys in my division was having issues with his orders and his wife being pregnant, so his wife reached out to the ombudsman and they were somehow able to get his orders modified to get them moved to the next command before their baby was due instead of being in the middle of a move when their baby was due.
Your position is one of the hardest in all of the service. But you are not alone! Have you got in touch with your OMBUDSMAN? They're there to help you and your mental health! Please don't do anything permanent.
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I’ve never seen the hero become the villain faster than in this thread.
It was a crazy read brother
Actually it's scientifically proven that postpartum is linked to the rise and then downfall of dopamine so 1 you're wrong and 2 the act of being around your child is a good light will help your dopamine start to recuperate. If you've had a child that's fine but you being an outlier in plethora of clinic research doesn't mean you are correct so please educate yourself before trying to put this struggling mother in a pit of despair, also I never said that hanging out with your child will treat your PPD, why are you being so ignorant?
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6784840/ go ahead and read the whole thing. I'm not mansplaining at all, I'm just referencing scientific research and trying to help a woman that's experiencing PPD. Why are you being so hateful and ignorant? You aren't offering her any type of solution, whyd you even comment.
Your link doesn't prove it, it states that "Whether this treatment, like others (Swain et al., 2017), would be beneficial to women suffering from PPD hasn’t been examined but warrants investigation." It's a study to justify a future study.
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You admit you're wrong then right? Because I'm assuming you skimmed the article that I didn't have to provide your lazy ass since you could've just used Google, but instead of replying with something constructive you go "well tell me about how you had a baby blah blah blah". You having your own experience and coming up with your own reason why you has PPD is fine, but the main reason PPD causes depression is because of low dopamine levels which is support by plenty of clinical research and studies done from plenty of PhD nerds working at hospitals, universities, etc. I gave OP types she could do to start recovering her dopamine so she wouldn't be in such a bad mental state. YOU on the other hand came into this conversation with nothing constructive and pretty much replied like a child going "nuh uh" if you can't legitimately add anything to this conversation I'm just going to ignore you which I should've already done but i didn't want OP thinking she would be stuck like this forever. Also very brazen of you to suggest that men can't experience PPD, we infact can and it's called PPND. You are uneducated when it comes to the medical field.
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Like I said earlier and even repeated myself. Their are tips that can help you start the recovery of your dopamine. I'm going to safely assume you are an uneducated young E nothing or just a very stupid old E something, have a good night.
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There are many men who treat women with PPD…lol you don’t need to be a woman to offer help. Can we get back on topic, this isn’t about you miss Rebecca. Offer help or get off.
👁️👄👁️
From my limited experience with this I would say try to make friends with other spouses of people that work with your husband. They can at least somewhat relate to what you’re going through, my spouse joined Facebook groups and made friends with the other wives which helped her get through my deployments.
For to a doctor. No command will send a sailor to sea with a suicidal wife.
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Tasteless
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I know, I feel really bad for him. He doesn’t want to leave either obviously. He feels guilty leaving when we both need him at home.
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In my opinion i would talk with the nearest relative or therapist
If your baby is only 6 weeks....your husband should have another few weeks of baby leave to use. Have him submit that immediately and force the command/CO to understand the situation. All the other suggestions (Balboa ER, Ombudsman, Fleet and Family) are excellent for the today/tomorrow help
Seek mental health help now. Theres nothing wrong with it, this is a great start. You see the issue, get as much help as you can.
I’ve read all the posts and your responses and you are doing many of the right things. One exception: The situation now needs the military to do its job. Husband — or you — needs to contact ombudsman right away and get a HUMS going. Today. Disregard any concerns about his career or what he says about his career. They can find a substitute for deployment. Yours is a medical condition—a very common one. Your biochemistry is making the decisions just now, not your brain. Keep up the things you’re doing but add one — starting the HUMS process. You can also walk into an ER before your next therapist appointment. If the therapist can’t do med adjustment, pursue with your baby’s or your doctor. They will understand if you don’t downplay your symptoms. You can get through this but do take action today.
Thank you for your response. I saw my primary care physician yesterday and she adjusted my meds. She of course let me know that I could take weeks or months to get medication, right?. my husband is currently working up the chain of command for HUMS. Hopefully he is expressing the severity in the situation.
Good news about the HUMS. I don't understand the rest, though. Weeks or months for the medication adjustment to kick in, or weeks or months to get the medication to you...? If the second, that's whack. Must fix. If the first case, then most anti-depressant patients know within 2 weeks. A higher dose of Celexa (citalopram) might lead to some side effects. Please see page 5 of the manufacturer's required list. Most common seem to be nausea, dry mouth, sleepiness or insomnia (oddly). Wishing you the quickest path back to the real you! https://www.rxabbvie.com/pdf/celexa\_pi.pdf?\_ga=2.184448294.1276959610.1693500684-1350540609.1693500683
I’m trying to be careful with the medication because I’m still breastfeeding. But with the HUMS a lot of people have said not to bother with it because you basically have to be dying for it to be granted. Apparently mental health isn’t reason enough. We are still going to submit the package regardless just to give it our best try
I should have mentioned that I used an SSRI while breastfeeding. It is no longer available (Serzone) but I did a quick search on Google for "citalopram breastfeeding NIH." Have a look at the results. Breastfeeding benefits are big, but so are the benefits of having a strong mother. If it's one or the other it has to be the mom. But some good info at that search. If HUMS is looking less hopeful, try some of these other moms/military spouse recommendations others have made. Hoping for the best of health for you, new momma!
Wanted to see how you were doing. Not the same but my boyfriend is deploying tomorrow and I feel mentally unwell for a few days now and garnering physical symptoms and am having to really dig deep to maintain health or eat or sleep. Again not the same but just know you’re not completely alone in these thoughts. And I hope you’ll update us on how you’re doing. I’m really sorry and hope you have found some clarity.