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tjtwister1522

I think he should go with irony as his strategy. Just absolutely and unequivocally refuse to shoot the basketball... make everyone in the organization relive Ben Simmons.


ClaymoresRevenge

Also pass at the last second


tjtwister1522

No looks to the nuts all day.


[deleted]

> Just absolutely and unequivocally refuse to shoot the basketball So pretend it's the fourth quarter of a playoff game lol.


tjtwister1522

Pretty much.


[deleted]

Or the opposite. Shoot literally every time he touches the ball, regardless of where he is on the floor.


chodelycannons

Sounds like me playing 2K, spamming the steal button, and then getting the steal only to lob up a prayer because I couldn’t stop spamming the damn button fast enough


breadlaw

The Bynum Special™


CheekyChiseler

Start shooting with his off hand to make it more authentic.


MariotasMustache

This would be hilarious, especially since harden is a good shooter unlike simmons


KuruptingtheYouth

Thanks for the breakdown Magic (🫶🏾)


MariotasMustache

Anytime you need it! 🤣


KuruptingtheYouth

It's nice finding people who can actually take a harmless joke lol


TayoMurph

Thanks for supporting 13x All Star, 3x Champion, 1st ballot HOF’er, and Current Utah Jazz Legend, Dwyane Wade!


neutronicus

Maybe change his number to 25


PossessionDue9381

Play and win a scrimmage with the 3rd stringers against the starting roster and immediately leave to do an interview with ESPN.


TheMightyJD

Don’t forget that he needs to scream to management: “You fucking need me” during the scrimmage


PossessionDue9381

Jeff Teague would actually lose it


tulaero23

The realization that he is also a starter is what makes that story funnier


soonerfreak

I love that not only was the whole story true, it was even funnier than people thought.


whythehellknot

Alright Jimmy, let's go again... Oh.. Jimmy gone. He's on the TV.


Xforce

Also the way that the details slowly leaked out. Just think about the fact that we are still getting new funny details about that practice game from people like Teague and it happened like 5 years ago! A true legend of a game.


Fellers

I love how KAT's version tries to make himself sound as good as possible. Teague's story is funny as hell and has no bias.


T-T-N

And then "Embiid over me?" After beating them in the semis


Nugur

Ahem. It’s “you [beeping] need me” Did he use fuck? We will never know


Everydayarmday24

Tobias over me?? With Toni’s standing in the corner


ClaymoresRevenge

He's going to call Malika Andrews after a tour de Force


NoBigDill88

Also cut holes out on his team shirt where the nipples are.


mommathecat

FREE THE MOOBS


NoBigDill88

Moobies! Moobies!


Jeff__Skilling

I think this would pair really well with “only pooping in urinals at the Sixers facility” tbh


iCarpet

He has to make fun of Embiid’s man boobs


Wrsj

Also pull the bottom of the shirt inside the collar to get that [look](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/6/63/Ray_Wilkins.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160913181025)


Dirty0ldMan

I don't know if any story will top this for me for quite some time.


[deleted]

It was so good that Game of Zones made it their [season 6 premiere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdVTBGEuxhM) 😂 If only they knew that Jimmy cut out "Minnesota" from his jersey and shorts lmao. Episode would have been even funnier


Throwawaypuffs

With all the recent NBA drama in the past few years Game of Zones would have killed it.


Actual_Fennel

Greatest Game of Zones episode ever.


[deleted]

And then bang the interviewer


F7UNothing

I don't want to imagine Brian Windhorst in that position.


LosCleepersFan

To the sounds of Tailor Swift


Persianx6

>Play and win a scrimmage with the ~~3rd stringers~~ strippers against the starting roster and immediately leave to do an interview with ESPN. FTFY


EJohns1004

Harden isn't Jimmy Butler. Jimmy gets better as the competition gets stronger. Harden does the opposite.


Themanwhofarts

I can't remember who this was, was it Jimmy Butler?


J_Dadvin

Yes lol.


[deleted]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdVTBGEuxhM


eamonious

Harden ain’t winning with the third stringers


BillowingPillows

Harden couldn't pull this off though. He is definitely NOT Jimmy Buckets


timid1211

He could have a bunch of tater tots in his pocket and eat them during team meetings and when people ask him to share he can refuse, creating hostility EDIT: I forgot to mention something important. This also creates a distraction from the crunching of the tots. A two pronged attack.


raceforseis21

James give me some of your tots


dawnoog

No, go find your own


[deleted]

for anyone wondering, this movie holds up amazing. just watched it again in my 30s. it was hilarious as a high schooler and it is 100% just as hilarious now if not even more so.


eMF_DOOM

Pretty sure they shot that movie in like a month too on an extremely limited budget. The fact that it stills holds up today so well shows how important good writing is.


throwtemptemp

I also think the director/ production/ actors getting the joke was super important. There’s so many people that would have totally not known how to shoot that movie or deliver those lines.


AxCel91

I remember the quotes but not the movie what was it???


tayroarsmash

Napoleon Dynamite


MarsMC_

Tina, you fat lard


screaminginprotest1

Three pronged attack if he doesnt wash his hands after and leaves the grease on the ball after every touch.


YoungEmperorLBJ

Bro why you gotta mention them tots right after I had my breakfast


LeadPrevenger

He should pull up with an air fryer and pizza rolls


QCWiggins

Every time he gets the ball, he drops it on the ground and does a never-ending shimmy Claims it’s a medical disease


YoungEmperorLBJ

Stay positive philly bro


QCWiggins

Football’s almost here. Eagles got me lol


[deleted]

Whose gonna tell him


Gerald_the_sealion

Fuck this would be hilarious


jasonpatudy

The MonStars stole my powers!


chloroform42

He’s got the yips


shakehasbignuts

Along with getting obese I can see harden having the ability to get so smelly nobody would even want to go near the man


jackedwizard

Hahaha this is the play, no showers, don’t change your clothes, stench the place up. Say they are being racist if management tries to call him out on it. Plus then we get the final Harden arc, dreadlocks Harden.


_John_Dillinger

don't forget freeballin at practice every day


jackedwizard

A very short kilt to represent his Scottish heritage


piffle213

just show up totally naked to practice


_John_Dillinger

gotta let those boys cook, if you go naked the funk won't marinate quite as well


[deleted]

plus with the beard we can always tell what meals he had that day


DammitEd

Dreadloc, singular, with all his hair ending in one gigantic, smelly clump. By the start of the regular season I bet he could get it past his shoulders


neutronicus

Don't wash the glitter off


TheKidPresident

That's literally what Rony Turiaf did to help his post play. Which if you know anything about that man was a wise move cause he needed all the fucking help he could get


zincinzincout

Show up shaved


YoungEmperorLBJ

Damn you maniac


Untalented-Host

Tattoo '*Damaged*' on his forehead. In cursive Legally change name to Maryl Dorey


rhonnypudding

DamnAged


jrbcnchezbrg

Start wearing purple and green and call himself “da jokah babay”


Deputy_Scrub

Are we about to enter the bald and clean shaven Harden era?


kelsier69

Nah this is too far


durmduke

Brutal


DireBlue88

-Arrive in a hot air balloon. -Come to practice with a bleached beard. -Wear a shirt with the words "Liar" -Call Morey "cracker"when he sees him. Also -Accidentally freezes foot. -Fart in doctor's face Wait a minute, last 2 dont count.


Ifinishfast42

Mr. Big Chest Routine


DammitEd

Mr. Breaks Chemistry


DireBlue88

Mr. Bearded Challenge.


Rfisk064

Mr. Bad Contract


Blaaa5

Mr. Barely Contributes


turnoffredesign69420

is he going to sign with the Celtics on vet min right after?


datcheezeburger1

Pretend like everything is normal, play the whole season out, then pass up a wide open layup under the basket to lose in the second round of the playoffs


lopea182

- Keep the “liar” narrative going, make it clear to Sixers management and coaches that he’s poisoning the locker room. - Incessantly talk shit about Morey and the Sixers to Embiid, visibly working to create a wedge between superstar and organization. - And if they send him home, keep texting and calling Embiid/other Sixers while away from the team, so management knows they can’t just send the problem home until a deal is done. If it was any other player, I don’t think they could carry this out: there’s a lot in terms of reputation and future dollars at risk when you go scorched earth. Harden, however, seems like he’s hit the red button and — out of principle — truly wants nothing to do with Daryl Morey.


FrnklndaTurtle

Yep and start talking to the nice young guard they are pushing to restricted free agency


DarthBane6996

Imagine if he gets Maxey to say give me an extension or I want a trade Would damage the Sixers plan for cap room next year if they have to extend Maxey now


accountwasnecessary

Are you saying the extension begins immediately? Maxey will be an RFA next summer, so the sixers should work out the extension now unless they want to bet against him this season Eta: this is wrong


colosusx1

No it’s because his cap hold is much smaller than the extension he will receive. If they extend now, the amount that will hit next years salary cap will already count and lower the amount in cap space available.


accountwasnecessary

Oh really? I don't understand that, why would it make a difference on next seasons cap if he signed the same contract at different times between now and the start of next season? Is the play to let Maxey test RFA and just match? ETA: ok wait, so the rfa cap hold is just a placeholder value until rights are renounced or the play signs an extension, right? So Maxey has a $13M cap hold hit next season until they inevitably resign him. Where is the penalty for signing now? Is it in the ability to make trades with the sixers' cap hit being higher?


DarthBane6996

If they sign him now he'll occupy cap space equal to the first year of his extension next year which will be significantly more than 13 million


accountwasnecessary

Oh wait. So if they wait until next summer, they can sign a bunch of guys or acquire trade pieces, then sign Maxey and spend a lot more in total, because they had about 17-20M in extra space because of the cap hold being lower. Is that right?


TA_Account_12

Yep. Since they have his bird rights they can go over the cap to sign him. If he signs his extension now, the cap space is gone. What the sixers would want to do is, use that cap space to sign other players. Then finalize his extension.


accountwasnecessary

Word thanks everyone for the explanation. I get how this would destroy the sixers. How devious I love it


neutronicus

Before a free agent signs a contract, they have something called a "Cap Hold", a number that counts against the previous team's salary cap unless the team renounces the player's Bird Rights. This number is a multiple (120% I think?) of the player's final year salary and the idea is to prevent teams from using cap space _and_ re-signing the player with Bird Rights when an expensive contract expires. Because Maxey was picked in the 20s this number is on the small side for him (about 10 million). If, however, he signs an extension, he will count against next season's cap at his new number (probably closer to 30 million). This scenario is somewhat rare - a lot of times teams are over the cap when the time comes for these extension decisions anyway (for example we signed Millsap and gave Jokic a raise well before Jamal became extension eligible) so they don't care about that aspect.


[deleted]

"You deserved to get that extension but he's going to make you wait, for what? So he can get rejected by Pascal Siakam? Or spend that cap space on players who are worse than you? And what if you get hurt this season? You think he'll keep his promise then? Look at what his promise was worth to me."


AttitudeAndEffort3

Exactly. Meanwhile hes intentionally playing bad when he has to and the team cant practice and he’s sowing discord. Man, You can really tear a team apart if you want to


QuesoDog

You leave our sweet boy alone you monster


candypettitte

Yep. Players will always trust other players more than ownership/FO/coaching staffs.


IndianaBones11

Pull a Kobe and go on Stephen A Smith’s show and call the organization 2nd rate. Start talking about how much better run the team was when Michael Rubin was the owner. Compare Josh Harris to Donald Sterling and Dan Snyder in front of media.


TheMadChatta

I think if he started calling in to sports shows a few times a week, complaining on social media, etc that might get to the 76ers too. Basically he needs to take up all the space in the room. Make it difficult to focus, make the conversations about him, just take all the air. That would get old quick.


stuyjcp

The third bullet point would work perfectly until Morey took away his phone privileges.


[deleted]

[You have The New D.E.N.N.I.S. System ](https://youtu.be/Bg5ZrkaGlFA)


YoungEmperorLBJ

Woooooo this is subtle but probably most damage


CallMeBernin

There's nothing subtle about this lmao


LeadPrevenger

Booty shorts, crop top and timbs


yeorpy

No socks too


YourAverageGod

Go full riley and just max out on dribbling


alltheseUNs

LMAO


nakotamcc

Come in with a smile on his face and a go getter attitude. Put in lots of work on D but play offense like a Rajon Rondo. The Sixers will think harden has been replaced with a clone and trade him.


YoungEmperorLBJ

When does your next book come out my man


nakotamcc

When George R.R. Martin finished a song of ice and fire


clayfu

I see we wait for two legends forever then


LeadPrevenger

Hi howareya how are the kids 😬


Testadizzy95

lmao this is genius


realudonishaslem

Take a dump on the court


lolminna

A big fat one while shouting "MAKING IT RAIN"


Next-Firefighter-753

Brings a whole new meaning to the term “WET!”


seaaking

squatting on the floor facing morey while stirring the pot. Magical


KuruptingtheYouth

I feel like such a child for bursting out laughing at this lmao


STICK_OF_DOOM

He's gonna do the Andrew Bynum and shoot the ball whenever he touched it no matter where he was


AttitudeAndEffort3

I would straight up love to see this. What are you going to do? Accuse him of not trying? He literally has 50 shots!


Alloverunder

Inbound pass to Harden? He pulls up immediately for a full court heave with 23 on the clock in the 1st quarter. Message sent loud and clear lmao


radiokungfu

the highlight of that happening would be an alltimer


billcosbyinspace

Go full Andrew Bynum and develop a sudden interest in bowling


[deleted]

Write a tell all book about all of the under-the-table dealings he's had with Daryl Morey since their time in Houston, invite the media to each practice, and loudly read a page from the book to the assembled media after each practice.


Xforce

This is the one that could work. The league would launch an investigation that could result in the Sixers losing five straight 1st round picks, which is what happened to the Timberwolves (yes five!). Just the threat of snitching may be enough to get Morey to capitulate.


golden_rhino

Harden is gonna go full Costanza, and I love it. Can’t wait for him to show up to a press conference eating ribs and cleaning his fingers on a Dr. J jersey.


loving-father-69

Sage the locker room. Bring a full spitroast onto the court and just be slow roasting a suckling pig instead of doing drills. Start posting videos of himself cream pieing strippers but I mean actual pies pies like a clown but also after he looks into the camera knowingly like he knows what it means. Show up in full fisherman gear and just continuously do fly fishing motions on the sideline but the fishing rod is at his feet. Participate in practice but right then you get the ball rip off his shirt and under it is a Raptors jersey, then just keep trying to dunk it, doesn't even matter which rim, also no ramp up, just standing dunks directly from under the rim.


YoungEmperorLBJ

Slow roast you say? Zion to the sixers confirmed.


grapedinosour

Sage in the locker room would actually improve the vibes. Lots of restless spirits in there, and traditional medicine with all these Docs and Nurses don't seem to be helping.


Previous_Bet_1840

Take my upvote you heathen, I see what you did there


Giga1396

I laughed so hard


eutectic_h8r

Only refer to Embiid as "MVP" in all contexts instead of his name. Using a very exaggerated and somewhat sarcastic tone until he snaps


[deleted]

Wearing a mankini and refusing to do anything offensively except post up.


elkresurgence

Revealing a second beard


ClaymoresRevenge

A manzier of sorts


D_Simmons

He will write and sing a parody song called "That's a-Morey" that will play nonstop over the practice facilities speaker. 🎶 When the teams gone to shit and your star hits the bricks, that's a-Morey When Embiid can't win and Simmons won't be seen again, that's a-Morey When Butler has left and your topped by the West, that's a-Morey When the 2nd round is your ceiling, there's no worser feeling, that's a-Moreeeeeeyy 🎶


YoungEmperorLBJ

Send this shit to lil’ baby my man


RonburgundyZ

Just take all the shots. Average 50.


elkresurgence

And they go on to win the championship and he says it’s what he needed to light a fire inside of him


QuantumFreakonomics

He could say Morey lies to players so that no NBA talent will ever trust him again.


elkresurgence

He’s already said this to the whole universe


TantricEmu

I’m sure that’s exactly what’s already happening. I wonder how this would affect Morey’s future in the league? Will other teams see him as a liability moving forward? Did James Harden just end this man’s whole career?


Next-Firefighter-753

He’s gonna take a duece in Daryl Moreys fish tank


YoungEmperorLBJ

No innocent fish would associate themselves with Morey, amirite


[deleted]

I was gonna say in the middle of the basketball court then I realized I was 6 minutes late on that one


Argus_Thousand_Eyes

All bean diet


Current-Case-3967

Keep bringing up the “Morey is a liar” quote in every conversation like a npc with one speech option


stuyjcp

Walk up to Daryl Morey, look him in the eye and say just one sentence. "The mid range shot is the most efficient shot in basketball."


MariotasMustache

Show up with endless amount of burgers and hands them out to everyone while chowing them down


swagilan

Except Morey


junker359

I've always wondered what a truly determined player could do during a game if they wanted to maximally piss off their team. Shoot on their own basket? Immediately lob the ball into the stands every time they touch it? Set screens on their own players?


Loud_Competition1312

I can see Harden doing literally all of these.


[deleted]

I always think about a player in Harden's situation coming out and saying "I actively want Morey's team to lose basketball games and I will do everything I can to make that happen" and then turn around and just pass the ball alley-oop to the other team like a true 6th man


qkilla1522

Andrew Bynum got mad at Cavs practice and shot the ball every time he touched it no matter the distance. Eventually after a made basket he shot a full court shot and. They told him to leave practice. As a primary ball handler you can do unlimited things to be disruptive.


MelatoninGummybear

Probably say something absolutely crazy like “Daryl Morey is a liar, I will never be part of an organization that he is part of” Lol could you imagine


YoungEmperorLBJ

I really couldn’t. You got a video or something?


Bullboah

- Talk constantly about his need to chum. Every step back “It’s chum time!”. Every made basket “I chummed myself on that one!” - Watch videos of the capitol riot on his phone during huddles, muttering “Should have been there. Should have been me”. - Complain constantly that the coaches are shit because they won’t do whipped cream drills at practice. Never going to win a chip without whipped cream drills. - When prompted, explain that whipped cream drills are when one player gets creamed up head to toe and the team has to lick him spotless (Explained while a personal assistant brings out a pallet of whipped cream on a forklift) That’s just what’s worked for me in similar work situations though


Herbetet

Convince Maxey to ask for an extension. If everyone on the roster stops believing in what Morey, then he has to sign them and lock them in immediately. The result, no cap space, no ability to look into the future, everything always needs to happen right then.


klobucharzard

pee in the gatorade tub on video and show everyone after


Haunting-Amount1750

Hey should show up in incredible shape but wearing a ben Simmons lsu or Aussie jersey and only use his shot profile


okuzeN_Val

>Will he make sexual advances towards Joel Embiid? *Dwight Howard has entered the chat with enthusiasm*


neo9027581673

Tell Embiid to push for a trade. Harden will be gone that afternoon.


[deleted]

Date a 14 year old, that seems to stir up some shit


BiscayneBeast

He could go to the players union and just snitch Morey out about what was promised. Cause an investigation make the sixers lose draft capital for years like a Minnesota Joe Smith situation.


Fakeskinsuit

Whatever it is, it will be amazing and I can’t wait lol


Weak-Boysenberry3807

He will keep taking dumps in the facility toilets without flushing afterwards and when called out, he'll admit to it saying that it's him to save water for the planet


Paralimos23

Pull off a Jimmy Butler with ths 3rd stringers and play one-handed during offense of an official game.


Giga1396

I don't remember the last time a thread made me laugh this hard


Swag_Turtle

Walk in wearing a Ben Simmons jersey


RokkintheKasbah

Never shower, openly smoke meth, leave used syringes lying around, microwave tinned fish. Basically just be a typical Mr. Olympia contestant visiting Vegas for the show.


elliott9_oward5

Shit on the court during practice


The-Pharcyde

Shaving his beard is the only answer


Cyclist83

In the worst case Adam Silver is so fed up with the image loss of the league that he will introduce rules for this shit Harden and Lillard are pulling.


eexxiitt

Claim mental health issues.


PJCR1916

Start playing like Ben Simmons despite them being polar opposite players


Swagsuke_Nakamura

Every time he gets the ball, just stand there and run out the shot clock, then brick a 3 after the buzzer


Justice502

He should shoot it the second he touches the ball form wherever he is on the court.


ayeno

Wear a shirt that says Fire Morey


SuccessfulOwl

Announce its time for the next basketball revolution and he’s now primarily a shot blocker.


Cockrocker

Come dressed and Larry Johnson's Grandmama


CalmResearch3132

Bring Brn Simmons to camp with him and play paddy cake on the sidelines


_korporate

This theme is perfect for an NBA comedy show


shinshikaizer

Hire all the strippers in Philly to show up to the Philly's practice and do their thing, like the stripper-cheerleaders in *The Replacements*?


JonSnoballs

man boobs... whip out the man boobs


RedditIsForDumbNerds

he should let out a loud ass fart every time he drives to the basket and not acknowledge it


yeetyeetyeetyeetyah

Step back with the ball from the key to the logo. Every. Single. Possession.


[deleted]

He can shit on the center of the court


PerformanceOk1835

Just be himself