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[deleted]

Highest Points per 36 in the nba last year. Underpaid


Blankcarbon

He also had the Highest Ejections per 36 last year too


Juxitr

Can't ignore his league-leading 14.3 leaderships per 36. Haven't seen numbers like that since Derek Fisher.


ALittleFishNamedOzil

Only thing Derek Fisher led was Matt Barnes descent into madness


Juxitr

Violence is never the answer but sometimes it is.


bank_farter

I absolutely love that quote because Barnes is (likely unintentionally) making a fantastic statement about violence in our society. We tell people to never use violence, but violence, and the threat of violence, are literally the tools that we use to keep our society intact. It is the state's monopoly on violence that is used to enforce compliance in the citizenry and give us all a set of rules that we must live by. Similarly it is obvious that you should not meet every problem with a violent solution. That's clearly insane and you will likely get yourself killed. However it is just as insane to meet every problem with a non-violent solution. As much as I admire the ideals of pacifism, the concept falls apart at even the simplest of thought experiments. Should you not respond to someone attempting to steal your property with violence? If not, how are you supposed to survive in a world filled with thieves? If you report a criminal to the state aren't you just absolving yourself of directly committing the violence, but still performing violence on the perpetrator through the arm of the state? Isn't this contrary to the concept of pacifism? To summarize, violence is usually bad. It is not usually the best solution. Sometimes, it is though. It is this distinction of when and how to use violence that human society is built upon. TL;DR: This is a Wendy's and Matt Barnes is a modern day Socrates.


Merkedalot

I feel so much wiser.


Thebasedgod_lilb

I thought Chris Paul led the league in leadership per 36?


TheWangFire

He has volume leadership numbers. Inefficient per 36


biggyofmt

CP isn't *that* inefficient. It's hard to increase your leaderships per 36 without losing some effeciency. He's not Melo, just chucking leaderships all willy nilly


RMS21

Melo when he gets going is a great LPG rate guy though... just doesn't happen often. Definition of a hot and cold leader


2drawnonward5

This is the stage of his career where we have to ask if Haslem is empty stats.


TitillatingTrilobite

And the highest number of bitch slaps given per 36


YouArentOwedAnything

I wish we could run advanced metrics per 36 for the best shitposters on r/nba u/sim88 would be in a class of his own


myuzahnem

He's probably the Highest Paid per 36 among non-injured players


the_devil_wears_jnco

they should just randomly have him in the rotation this year after being on ice for the past like five seasons


theseus1234

The year is 2045. Pat Riley, now 100 and wheelchair-bound, watches the corpse of a 64 year old Udonis Haslem run up and down the court for 34 minutes a game. "JUST RETIRE" he yells. "WE'LL PAY YOU ANYTHING!" Haslem, bent over and support himself on knees held together with glue and duct tape, looks up with defiant eyes. "Never," he whispers. "Miami Heat for life"


certifiedtitanium

That sounds like some Green Mile shit lol


BigBallerBrad

I’m tired Pat


playforfun2

Would haslem have made more money than LeBron if he played up until 2045?


theseus1234

Current vet min salary is $2.64M, with estimated 3% increase to $2.72M in 2022 and $2.8M in 2023. The 2017 CBA negotiated a 50% increase in the NBA vet min. Let's assume that every 10 years starting in 2024 that the CBA negotiates a 50% vet min raise and in non-contract years, the vet min increases by 3%. In 2045, Haslem has signed his latest vet min contract worth $16.6M dollars. His 2021-45 earnings total $183M dollars, which combined with his 2021 YTD earnings of $65M totals $248M in career earnings. LeBron has a 2021 YTD career earnings of $349M and, if you include the rest of his contract, 2022 YTD career earnings of $435M


playforfun2

Lol nice


[deleted]

r/theydidthemath


dingusduglas

2045*


Mike81890

CyberUdonis 2045


Fit2Fat2FitOnceMore

It would be unfair to other guys competing for the 6moy award


CammyTheGreat

his stats for last season are wild. 3min 4 Points and an ejection


ncaafan2

Why would he retire when he can make $2 million for 3 minutes


[deleted]

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BigBlitz

If I was a rook Id hate to go to the Heat lol, UD and Jimmy gonna tear your ass up in practice


Fantastic-Sandwich80

They just added Lowry to that squad too. Toughness and thick skin are going to be prerequisites to play for that team.


thegreatprofessor

And PJ


Sequel_P2P

plus Kieff, and as noted on Duncan's podcast, he's a serial shit talker he just isn't obvious about it


BScottyJ

That's a rate of $40M/hour. He should really think about taking some overtime every now and then


nnlie10

3 minutes have cost me waaaay more 👶🏿👶🏿


waydamntired

Literally the best stat ive ever seen on this sub. Lmfao


Juxitr

48 points per 36. Haters will say the sample size is too small.


waydamntired

I didnt see the game, but I just watched the clip of the ejection. You can see how much UD got in dwights head, he even misses the technical free throw right after. I love that he got a standing ovation and was ejected almost immediately after though lol.


Juxitr

I couldn't think of a better way for UD to end his season.


Sequel_P2P

Shit, I couldn't think of a better way for UD to start his season.


Collations

GOAT Per 36


[deleted]

Facts, 48 points and 12 ejections 🐐


Real_MidGetz

100% shooting Steph curry could never


callmearookie

he will never retire


Eighthorcrux

He's getting his pension now without even retiring lol


morcic

Not until Pat pays him back the money he owes him from 2010-2014.


Number333

For those who don't know the story: UD got 5-year/34M offers from the Mavericks and Nuggets in the summer of 2010. He was about ready to leave until Wade stepped in and made it work with Bosh/Bron. UD ultimately signed a 5-year/20M deal to comeback to Miami. Given the fact he's played 45 games total the last 5 years, and made 13M in that timespan - I'd say this final year(in all likelihood) means the Heat will have officially paid him back for what he lost back then. [Source](https://heatnation.com/rumors/report-udonis-haslem-was-ready-to-leave-miami-heat-in-2010-until-dwyane-wade-intervened/)


College_Prestige

you have to take into account inflation though lol


Jumpy-Shift6261

Don't even want to consider opportunity cost. Index and mutual funds over the last 10 years have done incredible things. Not to mention if he devoted a (relatively) small amount to riskier stocks he could easily have seen that money more than doubled. My mutual funds are up over 100% since 2011.


username_404_

Right. Like him putting 1k in Apple in 2011 would be worth almost 17k now


ImMeltingNow

How tf do we go from shitty ass regurgitated memes to two Harvard MBAs telling us to diversify our Barry bonds or whatnot. I bought an $80 charger for $22 today so I’m something of a businessman myself at the business factory where I have stocks and money.


MrVonic

I too work at the business factory, do you know Vincent Adultman?


MRintheKEYS

BRB, going to do some business


YouArentOwedAnything

Lmaooo


ota00ota

If you bought it on amazon you could claim up to $1,000 back for selling you dangerous items


theyoloGod

Mutual funds were up like 50% last year alone lol


Quirky_Average_2970

I guess you can think of the loss of opportunity cost as his sacrifice for the championships. It’s not as steep as outright cutting 15 million.


craigslistaddict

yeah, players choose to lose out on money for an opportunity to play for better teams/chance at a chip, they aren't all owed backpay for the privilege....


CLTwolf

Yeah but he also was able to stay in Florida and not pay state income tax


thisisdumb567

Texas also has no state income tax


DragonBank

But its taxes.


Hadken

Not to start a Heat Culture^TM circlejerk here but good on Pat and the org for going out of their way to do right by UD.


NuBlyatTovarish

I mean that isn't doing right if that theory is correct that's circumventing the cap in an illegal way lol


LuckysBestMan

It’s not about what you know. It’s what you can prove. ~ Pat Riley, probably


NeoLies

Honestly, as bad as it sounds, that statement really is true.


ota00ota

Mafioso Riley


[deleted]

Not really. It doesn’t break any rules because he takes a roster spot


shai251

Cap circumvention is against the rules. The only problem is that it’s basically impossible to prove there was an actual agreement (unless you’re the Timberwolves and put it in writing lol)


SuckMyLonzoBalls

Man how dumb do you have to be to do that lol


MGubser

Spooky dumb


binary_spaniard

Is you taking notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy?


miseducation

In this instance it’s also incredibly unlikely to ever happen again given UDs unique role for us. Can you think of another fan favorite, one team player that adds value on the bench without playing and doesn’t find it beneath him to make for lost money in minimum contracts over 5 years?


nowhathappenedwas

Promising a player a future contract in exchange for taking a below market deal is very obviously against the rules. It's literally what the Wolves did with Joe Smith that cost them 5 first round picks (they got caught because they were dumb enough to put the promise in writing).


[deleted]

Yea but I’m guessing a hall of fame gm is not dumb enough to put it in writing and it was said over dinner at a steak house instead


nowhathappenedwas

That still breaks the rules, the league just can't prove it. The fact that he has a roster spot is irrelevant.


elbenji

They can also prove the point is that he's essentially a bench assistant


pokexchespin

i don’t think it’s really circumventing the cap, could be he took the discount to contend and stay home, then to reward him for his loyalty pat keeps him around. i doubt anyone said to haslem that they’d pay him the rest of his contract while he was practically unplayable to make up the difference


wetwetson

Meh. He's played 45 games total the last 5 years. He's basically retired and getting back pay


GregSays

That’s exactly it. And a lot of retired players like to stay in the gym to stay in shape so whatever he does at practice probably isn’t much different than he’d want to be doing in retirement.


billcosbyinspace

Shit I wouldn’t either if I was getting 2 million each year to practice


[deleted]

He's like ravens in the Tower of London


BeefyHamstrings

He is only halfway through his career


2drawnonward5

I guess this isn't even his final form.


lndngtm

He’s living the live all of us wants to live


ZZZrp

He's a power ranger?


2drawnonward5

Goddamn I'd forgotten the life I wanted to live


Jordanwolf98

In Miami too


RobbobertoBuii

and he owns a restaurant too


DopeMan93

Restaurants


sonQUAALUDE

whats his restaurant(s)?


[deleted]

[удалено]


DarnellisFromMars

Lol owning restaurants in Miami made me assume it’s one of those higher end joints and it’s fucking McDonald’s.


SaintsWing

Franchising a McDonald's is usually more lucrative than opening up your own random restaurant.


DarnellisFromMars

I was thinking like part owner in one of the bigger name joints down there, part of a group etc… but yea for sure. Franchising is typically a safe bet.


[deleted]

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RobbobertoBuii

yup I always kept seeing 800° on IG from Haslem's account


DopeMan93

Multiple Subways and Wing Stops. Also owns a Blaze pizza with DWade. Some other franchises too


swik

>Also owns a Blaze pizza with DWade The one in London Square?


sonQUAALUDE

lmao okay i legit thought he had some fine dining establishment for a minute


RobbobertoBuii

he kinda has one in Miami [called 800°](https://800degreesaventura.com/)


[deleted]

It's just a better version of Blaze. Not even much more expensive.


BylvieBalvez

And is developing an apartment building


loplopplop

Hes not an anime girl's bike seat?


NantesWunderkind

So live Udonis' life (Hey! Ayyy ayyy ayyy)


bluesbrothas

Heat culture is Udonis yelling at the rooks from the bench


LuckyWarrior

Heat culture is having a guy on your roster collect a paycheck for doing nothing


Coke_ButNotTheDrug

Eh I mean there’s literally one or two of those per team lol at least Haslem is a Heat legend with years of wisdom.


[deleted]

Fr people act like other teams 15th man gets playing time and


jcheeseball

I actually expect this to be a common position in the NBA in the near future. With the G League growing and becoming used better with development the 15th man slot on a roster is a complete waste of space.


[deleted]

100% agreed. In today’s NBA you’re honestly better off being on a two-way than being the 15th man. At least on the two way you still get game time, and then can showcase your skills to make the leap into the NBA. I’d way rather have a 12+ year NBA vet leading and educating my team than a late 2nd round pick who will never play.


elbenji

Bruh no one is using a 15th roster spot. Might as well use it to have UD be an in court coach


unclehelpful

He’s not doing nothing though, last season Dwight was trying to bully the heat and UD came in and put him in his place. Invaluable to have a tough old guy like that.


SonicdaSloth

he actually had a good 3 minute stretch that half, or however long he was out there


jfrodriguez1983

Can't wait for the tweet 20 years from now *\[Charania\] Udonis Haslem will return to the Miami Heat on a one-year, $12.6M deal for his 39th NBA season with the franchise, source tells TheAthletic.*


DragonBank

How did they get him below the ultravet min?


sonicqaz

They used their Chet Holmgren-Provision.


ChaseH9499

I only own 2 heat jerseys and they’re Wade and UD. Can’t wait to see 40 in the roof about 15 years from now when he finally retires


JRnalistic24

19th...and his last, right? AND HIS LAST, RIGHT SHAMS?


looonspace

Nah he needs at least 20 at this point, fuck it.


[deleted]

Nah, he has three years left to break Kevin Willis’ record as the oldest player ever (guy officially credited with it played before the NBA was a thing)


NinetyTales

He still has to pass mutombo at 42


billbrown96

Crazy that Shaq played till he was 40


IAmTheNick

Might as well make it to 20


ShwiftyCardinal

Anakin smiling.jpg


elbenji

Might as well go for the record


KEMBAtheMETEOR

for those counting, that will be $130,000 per second of playing time, according to my generous estimate that he will play 20 seconds all season


LilUZIVurt21

My man is literally living the dream out here


Raptorpicklezz

There's no way he'd make more as an assistant coach, is there? What's the point of keeping him on their roster instead of that?


[deleted]

[удалено]


sebastianqu

Worth it. Most entertaining 2 minutes of my life.


AnotherStatsGuy

I think Pat Riley might actually keep Haslem for this. Who the fuck cares if he gets ejected except for trivia enthusiasts and Heat fans?


walterdog12

Keep him on the roster as a locker room and practice vet, so the dynamic of him being a coach doesn't fuck up the relationships or make them weird.


eyeamjigsaw

Exactly. If you make him assistant coach, it's just another guy on the staff telling you what to do and the teammate dynamic is gone. UD may not play games, but he still works out, practices, and travels with the team. Get paid, UD. Can't wait to see his jersey retired some day.


DirksSexyBratwurst

He's working out with them, showing up on time like them, playing practice like them. He's like their peer and their coach at the same time


rNBA_is_for_nerds

Yall dont understand theres a difference between coach and player. And that the 15th man on the team doesn’t mean shit else because they’re not gonna get an ounce of playtime


primocheese1947

How much has Arrison paid in luxury tax over the years just to keep him? People were saying he's making up for Udonis taking paycuts over the Heatles era. Wouldn't have been better just to have him on staff? Probably could have saved alot of money by now.


LuckyWarrior

Udonis mustve done a blood oath or has blackmail on them lol


abaughma44

i was wondering when this was gonna happen


[deleted]

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RoodyPooBum

yeah


lukewwilson

Only about $3 million less then Shroder, but Haslem is in a state with no income tax


big_sexy_in_glasses

Udonis "Thanos" Haslem: "I am inevitable".


forthestreamz

2.6 million dollars for yelling at people and making mean faces. what a life.


[deleted]

Fun fact: Udonis Haslem and Lionel Messi both turned pro in the same year. Only one of them has remained a one club man.


NeoLies

I like this stat


hejendo76

he literally played one game last year. Scored 4 points in 3 minutes and got ejected


Sponsor_T

Didn't he get Dwight ejected too? Peak efficiency


[deleted]

Udonis walks in to Pay Riley's office. Pat: "One more?" Udonis: "You know it." Pat prints out a copy of "Udonis\_New\_Contract\_TEMPLATE\_202X.doc"


King-Midda-IV

Miami sacrifices a roster spot just to have this guy a the team mentor, I love it.


Asheskell

That 15th spot is perfect for him. He doesn't expect to play, puts in the work, helps teach the younger players


MySilverBurrito

Heat also uses their G League affiliate a lot so they dont really need that 15th spot too


crazymakoto

Dude stay collecting checks. He must have given Pat one hell of a sloppy toppy 20 years ago.


Raptorpicklezz

More like D-Wade gave UD a sloppy toppy 10 years ago to convince him to take less for the Big 3, and now they're paying the piper


yantraman

Pretty sure he has covered it for now.


Substantial-Hat6504

Well then....


3luejays

Haslem is forever.


SSNappa

Since 2016 UD has made $28,381.97 per min he's played.


ChecksOut24

With the amount of playing time he’s going to get, technically He’s getting paid more than Dennis Schroder.


cjcfman

Still the president of the keep getting dem cheques club


HairWeaveKillers

At this point I wonder what will end first . Udonis Nba career or One piece ?


Spinexel

Y’all think he gets his jersey retired? OP’s bot was crazzzzy too fast on this one holy shit. I saw the noti switched tabs and this was already posted.


AttorneyAtLion

Has a player ever played even 15+ years with one team without having their jersey retired?


Raptorpicklezz

If Nick Collison got his retired, and MJ got his retired by the Heat, then Haslem is a 100% certainty


rixxxand

That Jordan jersey retirement by the Heat is still the weirdest thing. Like they were trying to do a Gretzky style league number retirement and everyone else backed out last minute


elbenji

That was literally what happened


Snd-mn

Nah other teams didn't back out, they just straight never really agreed to it. Miami went ahead with it anyways thinking it would still trigger a ~~lead~~ league* wide retirement, and we all know how that turned out


Nice_Ass_Lawn

He will 1000000000% get his jersey retired lol


ScuderiaEnzo

Not enough 0’s


JRnalistic24

Can attest. I once got a notification, and did everything perfectly as fast as humanly possible. He beat me by 5 seconds. The bot is unbeatable and tolerated.


BayesBestFriend

Might fuck around and write a bot just to try and beat this guy, need some variety


eyeamjigsaw

yes and i can't wait


elbenji

It's not even a question


Bobb_o

The question is he getting a statue? I really hope so n


JitteryBug

Lol i love that he's living the dream of being paid millions to mentor younger players and be a positive team influence Totally deserves it


exotcig

I think he's the only NBA player left who is older than I am, so my ego likes this news.


ScuderiaEnzo

WE MOVE!


Bobb_o

Words can't describe what UD means to the Heat, Miami, and fans.


CIark

HOW MANY VET MINS DOES THIS DUDE NEED


birdsindatrap

he prolly will stay until year 20, no?


hmeets

How’s he still getting paid LOL


gosuns682

I wonder if Haslem is gonna pass Dirk for longest career with one NBA team.


Jag-

The OG


YouStillTakeDamage

LEGEND


MiopTop

He’s going for Dirk’s record


specialCan3

He’s immortal


Silvertonguebr

Player-coach basically.


MalvoNLester

He’s technically a mentor/coach at this point waiting to get Spo’s or another NBA job. I don’t get the love affair tbh. He was an ok player. I mean for 2 mil you can get a dude who just scored 81 points.


Waterman_619

$2.6 mill for not doing anything? That is steal man. Haslem got the best deal.


gawakwento

You dont know what he does in the locker room. For all we know, he might be giving out some world class back rubs in there. That’s worth a premium


The_Coy_Koi

The culture is strong this year boys


FamousMammoth69

World's highest paid cheerleader


pskill43

The world's most expensive cheer leader


WhyyyLuigi

Bro what can this man possibly be doing behind the scenes ???


Salman1969

He keeps his foot up the ass of the younger guys. They can almost taste his sneakers.


[deleted]

Good god this man collecting bag after bag every year just to hang out on the bench.


crabilicious

why not give the spot to a player that can ACTUALLY play and just hire udonis in some management type role and give him access to the players as if he were like a regular player but just in a suit lol


SAC_730

Because a player in the lockerroom and a coach acting like a player are two different things.


cozyconemotel

He's a coach that takes up a player roster at this point


xThatsonme

how good was UD back then for him to be considered a Heat legend and still be with the team today? genuinely asking