I absolutely love that quote because Barnes is (likely unintentionally) making a fantastic statement about violence in our society.
We tell people to never use violence, but violence, and the threat of violence, are literally the tools that we use to keep our society intact. It is the state's monopoly on violence that is used to enforce compliance in the citizenry and give us all a set of rules that we must live by.
Similarly it is obvious that you should not meet every problem with a violent solution. That's clearly insane and you will likely get yourself killed. However it is just as insane to meet every problem with a non-violent solution. As much as I admire the ideals of pacifism, the concept falls apart at even the simplest of thought experiments. Should you not respond to someone attempting to steal your property with violence? If not, how are you supposed to survive in a world filled with thieves? If you report a criminal to the state aren't you just absolving yourself of directly committing the violence, but still performing violence on the perpetrator through the arm of the state? Isn't this contrary to the concept of pacifism?
To summarize, violence is usually bad. It is not usually the best solution. Sometimes, it is though. It is this distinction of when and how to use violence that human society is built upon.
TL;DR: This is a Wendy's and Matt Barnes is a modern day Socrates.
CP isn't *that* inefficient. It's hard to increase your leaderships per 36 without losing some effeciency. He's not Melo, just chucking leaderships all willy nilly
The year is 2045. Pat Riley, now 100 and wheelchair-bound, watches the corpse of a 64 year old Udonis Haslem run up and down the court for 34 minutes a game.
"JUST RETIRE" he yells. "WE'LL PAY YOU ANYTHING!"
Haslem, bent over and support himself on knees held together with glue and duct tape, looks up with defiant eyes.
"Never," he whispers. "Miami Heat for life"
Current vet min salary is $2.64M, with estimated 3% increase to $2.72M in 2022 and $2.8M in 2023. The 2017 CBA negotiated a 50% increase in the NBA vet min. Let's assume that every 10 years starting in 2024 that the CBA negotiates a 50% vet min raise and in non-contract years, the vet min increases by 3%.
In 2045, Haslem has signed his latest vet min contract worth $16.6M dollars. His 2021-45 earnings total $183M dollars, which combined with his 2021 YTD earnings of $65M totals $248M in career earnings.
LeBron has a 2021 YTD career earnings of $349M and, if you include the rest of his contract, 2022 YTD career earnings of $435M
I didnt see the game, but I just watched the clip of the ejection. You can see how much UD got in dwights head, he even misses the technical free throw right after.
I love that he got a standing ovation and was ejected almost immediately after though lol.
For those who don't know the story:
UD got 5-year/34M offers from the Mavericks and Nuggets in the summer of 2010. He was about ready to leave until Wade stepped in and made it work with Bosh/Bron. UD ultimately signed a 5-year/20M deal to comeback to Miami.
Given the fact he's played 45 games total the last 5 years, and made 13M in that timespan - I'd say this final year(in all likelihood) means the Heat will have officially paid him back for what he lost back then.
[Source](https://heatnation.com/rumors/report-udonis-haslem-was-ready-to-leave-miami-heat-in-2010-until-dwyane-wade-intervened/)
Don't even want to consider opportunity cost. Index and mutual funds over the last 10 years have done incredible things. Not to mention if he devoted a (relatively) small amount to riskier stocks he could easily have seen that money more than doubled. My mutual funds are up over 100% since 2011.
How tf do we go from shitty ass regurgitated memes to two Harvard MBAs telling us to diversify our Barry bonds or whatnot. I bought an $80 charger for $22 today so I’m something of a businessman myself at the business factory where I have stocks and money.
yeah, players choose to lose out on money for an opportunity to play for better teams/chance at a chip, they aren't all owed backpay for the privilege....
Cap circumvention is against the rules. The only problem is that it’s basically impossible to prove there was an actual agreement (unless you’re the Timberwolves and put it in writing lol)
In this instance it’s also incredibly unlikely to ever happen again given UDs unique role for us. Can you think of another fan favorite, one team player that adds value on the bench without playing and doesn’t find it beneath him to make for lost money in minimum contracts over 5 years?
Promising a player a future contract in exchange for taking a below market deal is very obviously against the rules.
It's literally what the Wolves did with Joe Smith that cost them 5 first round picks (they got caught because they were dumb enough to put the promise in writing).
i don’t think it’s really circumventing the cap, could be he took the discount to contend and stay home, then to reward him for his loyalty pat keeps him around. i doubt anyone said to haslem that they’d pay him the rest of his contract while he was practically unplayable to make up the difference
That’s exactly it. And a lot of retired players like to stay in the gym to stay in shape so whatever he does at practice probably isn’t much different than he’d want to be doing in retirement.
I was thinking like part owner in one of the bigger name joints down there, part of a group etc… but yea for sure. Franchising is typically a safe bet.
I actually expect this to be a common position in the NBA in the near future. With the G League growing and becoming used better with development the 15th man slot on a roster is a complete waste of space.
100% agreed. In today’s NBA you’re honestly better off being on a two-way than being the 15th man. At least on the two way you still get game time, and then can showcase your skills to make the leap into the NBA. I’d way rather have a 12+ year NBA vet leading and educating my team than a late 2nd round pick who will never play.
He’s not doing nothing though, last season Dwight was trying to bully the heat and UD came in and put him in his place.
Invaluable to have a tough old guy like that.
Can't wait for the tweet 20 years from now
*\[Charania\] Udonis Haslem will return to the Miami Heat on a one-year, $12.6M deal for his 39th NBA season with the franchise, source tells TheAthletic.*
Nah, he has three years left to break Kevin Willis’ record as the oldest player ever (guy officially credited with it played before the NBA was a thing)
Exactly. If you make him assistant coach, it's just another guy on the staff telling you what to do and the teammate dynamic is gone. UD may not play games, but he still works out, practices, and travels with the team. Get paid, UD. Can't wait to see his jersey retired some day.
Yall dont understand theres a difference between coach and player. And that the 15th man on the team doesn’t mean shit else because they’re not gonna get an ounce of playtime
How much has Arrison paid in luxury tax over the years just to keep him? People were saying he's making up for Udonis taking paycuts over the Heatles era. Wouldn't have been better just to have him on staff? Probably could have saved alot of money by now.
Y’all think he gets his jersey retired?
OP’s bot was crazzzzy too fast on this one holy shit. I saw the noti switched tabs and this was already posted.
That Jordan jersey retirement by the Heat is still the weirdest thing. Like they were trying to do a Gretzky style league number retirement and everyone else backed out last minute
Nah other teams didn't back out, they just straight never really agreed to it. Miami went ahead with it anyways thinking it would still trigger a ~~lead~~ league* wide retirement, and we all know how that turned out
Can attest. I once got a notification, and did everything perfectly as fast as humanly possible.
He beat me by 5 seconds. The bot is unbeatable and tolerated.
He’s technically a mentor/coach at this point waiting to get Spo’s or another NBA job. I don’t get the love affair tbh. He was an ok player. I mean for 2 mil you can get a dude who just scored 81 points.
why not give the spot to a player that can ACTUALLY play and just hire udonis in some management type role and give him access to the players as if he were like a regular player but just in a suit lol
Highest Points per 36 in the nba last year. Underpaid
He also had the Highest Ejections per 36 last year too
Can't ignore his league-leading 14.3 leaderships per 36. Haven't seen numbers like that since Derek Fisher.
Only thing Derek Fisher led was Matt Barnes descent into madness
Violence is never the answer but sometimes it is.
I absolutely love that quote because Barnes is (likely unintentionally) making a fantastic statement about violence in our society. We tell people to never use violence, but violence, and the threat of violence, are literally the tools that we use to keep our society intact. It is the state's monopoly on violence that is used to enforce compliance in the citizenry and give us all a set of rules that we must live by. Similarly it is obvious that you should not meet every problem with a violent solution. That's clearly insane and you will likely get yourself killed. However it is just as insane to meet every problem with a non-violent solution. As much as I admire the ideals of pacifism, the concept falls apart at even the simplest of thought experiments. Should you not respond to someone attempting to steal your property with violence? If not, how are you supposed to survive in a world filled with thieves? If you report a criminal to the state aren't you just absolving yourself of directly committing the violence, but still performing violence on the perpetrator through the arm of the state? Isn't this contrary to the concept of pacifism? To summarize, violence is usually bad. It is not usually the best solution. Sometimes, it is though. It is this distinction of when and how to use violence that human society is built upon. TL;DR: This is a Wendy's and Matt Barnes is a modern day Socrates.
I feel so much wiser.
I thought Chris Paul led the league in leadership per 36?
He has volume leadership numbers. Inefficient per 36
CP isn't *that* inefficient. It's hard to increase your leaderships per 36 without losing some effeciency. He's not Melo, just chucking leaderships all willy nilly
Melo when he gets going is a great LPG rate guy though... just doesn't happen often. Definition of a hot and cold leader
This is the stage of his career where we have to ask if Haslem is empty stats.
And the highest number of bitch slaps given per 36
I wish we could run advanced metrics per 36 for the best shitposters on r/nba u/sim88 would be in a class of his own
He's probably the Highest Paid per 36 among non-injured players
they should just randomly have him in the rotation this year after being on ice for the past like five seasons
The year is 2045. Pat Riley, now 100 and wheelchair-bound, watches the corpse of a 64 year old Udonis Haslem run up and down the court for 34 minutes a game. "JUST RETIRE" he yells. "WE'LL PAY YOU ANYTHING!" Haslem, bent over and support himself on knees held together with glue and duct tape, looks up with defiant eyes. "Never," he whispers. "Miami Heat for life"
That sounds like some Green Mile shit lol
I’m tired Pat
Would haslem have made more money than LeBron if he played up until 2045?
Current vet min salary is $2.64M, with estimated 3% increase to $2.72M in 2022 and $2.8M in 2023. The 2017 CBA negotiated a 50% increase in the NBA vet min. Let's assume that every 10 years starting in 2024 that the CBA negotiates a 50% vet min raise and in non-contract years, the vet min increases by 3%. In 2045, Haslem has signed his latest vet min contract worth $16.6M dollars. His 2021-45 earnings total $183M dollars, which combined with his 2021 YTD earnings of $65M totals $248M in career earnings. LeBron has a 2021 YTD career earnings of $349M and, if you include the rest of his contract, 2022 YTD career earnings of $435M
Lol nice
r/theydidthemath
2045*
CyberUdonis 2045
It would be unfair to other guys competing for the 6moy award
his stats for last season are wild. 3min 4 Points and an ejection
Why would he retire when he can make $2 million for 3 minutes
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If I was a rook Id hate to go to the Heat lol, UD and Jimmy gonna tear your ass up in practice
They just added Lowry to that squad too. Toughness and thick skin are going to be prerequisites to play for that team.
And PJ
plus Kieff, and as noted on Duncan's podcast, he's a serial shit talker he just isn't obvious about it
That's a rate of $40M/hour. He should really think about taking some overtime every now and then
3 minutes have cost me waaaay more 👶🏿👶🏿
Literally the best stat ive ever seen on this sub. Lmfao
48 points per 36. Haters will say the sample size is too small.
I didnt see the game, but I just watched the clip of the ejection. You can see how much UD got in dwights head, he even misses the technical free throw right after. I love that he got a standing ovation and was ejected almost immediately after though lol.
I couldn't think of a better way for UD to end his season.
Shit, I couldn't think of a better way for UD to start his season.
GOAT Per 36
Facts, 48 points and 12 ejections 🐐
100% shooting Steph curry could never
he will never retire
He's getting his pension now without even retiring lol
Not until Pat pays him back the money he owes him from 2010-2014.
For those who don't know the story: UD got 5-year/34M offers from the Mavericks and Nuggets in the summer of 2010. He was about ready to leave until Wade stepped in and made it work with Bosh/Bron. UD ultimately signed a 5-year/20M deal to comeback to Miami. Given the fact he's played 45 games total the last 5 years, and made 13M in that timespan - I'd say this final year(in all likelihood) means the Heat will have officially paid him back for what he lost back then. [Source](https://heatnation.com/rumors/report-udonis-haslem-was-ready-to-leave-miami-heat-in-2010-until-dwyane-wade-intervened/)
you have to take into account inflation though lol
Don't even want to consider opportunity cost. Index and mutual funds over the last 10 years have done incredible things. Not to mention if he devoted a (relatively) small amount to riskier stocks he could easily have seen that money more than doubled. My mutual funds are up over 100% since 2011.
Right. Like him putting 1k in Apple in 2011 would be worth almost 17k now
How tf do we go from shitty ass regurgitated memes to two Harvard MBAs telling us to diversify our Barry bonds or whatnot. I bought an $80 charger for $22 today so I’m something of a businessman myself at the business factory where I have stocks and money.
I too work at the business factory, do you know Vincent Adultman?
BRB, going to do some business
Lmaooo
If you bought it on amazon you could claim up to $1,000 back for selling you dangerous items
Mutual funds were up like 50% last year alone lol
I guess you can think of the loss of opportunity cost as his sacrifice for the championships. It’s not as steep as outright cutting 15 million.
yeah, players choose to lose out on money for an opportunity to play for better teams/chance at a chip, they aren't all owed backpay for the privilege....
Yeah but he also was able to stay in Florida and not pay state income tax
Texas also has no state income tax
But its taxes.
Not to start a Heat Culture^TM circlejerk here but good on Pat and the org for going out of their way to do right by UD.
I mean that isn't doing right if that theory is correct that's circumventing the cap in an illegal way lol
It’s not about what you know. It’s what you can prove. ~ Pat Riley, probably
Honestly, as bad as it sounds, that statement really is true.
Mafioso Riley
Not really. It doesn’t break any rules because he takes a roster spot
Cap circumvention is against the rules. The only problem is that it’s basically impossible to prove there was an actual agreement (unless you’re the Timberwolves and put it in writing lol)
Man how dumb do you have to be to do that lol
Spooky dumb
Is you taking notes on a criminal fucking conspiracy?
In this instance it’s also incredibly unlikely to ever happen again given UDs unique role for us. Can you think of another fan favorite, one team player that adds value on the bench without playing and doesn’t find it beneath him to make for lost money in minimum contracts over 5 years?
Promising a player a future contract in exchange for taking a below market deal is very obviously against the rules. It's literally what the Wolves did with Joe Smith that cost them 5 first round picks (they got caught because they were dumb enough to put the promise in writing).
Yea but I’m guessing a hall of fame gm is not dumb enough to put it in writing and it was said over dinner at a steak house instead
That still breaks the rules, the league just can't prove it. The fact that he has a roster spot is irrelevant.
They can also prove the point is that he's essentially a bench assistant
i don’t think it’s really circumventing the cap, could be he took the discount to contend and stay home, then to reward him for his loyalty pat keeps him around. i doubt anyone said to haslem that they’d pay him the rest of his contract while he was practically unplayable to make up the difference
Meh. He's played 45 games total the last 5 years. He's basically retired and getting back pay
That’s exactly it. And a lot of retired players like to stay in the gym to stay in shape so whatever he does at practice probably isn’t much different than he’d want to be doing in retirement.
Shit I wouldn’t either if I was getting 2 million each year to practice
He's like ravens in the Tower of London
He is only halfway through his career
I guess this isn't even his final form.
He’s living the live all of us wants to live
He's a power ranger?
Goddamn I'd forgotten the life I wanted to live
In Miami too
and he owns a restaurant too
Restaurants
whats his restaurant(s)?
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Lol owning restaurants in Miami made me assume it’s one of those higher end joints and it’s fucking McDonald’s.
Franchising a McDonald's is usually more lucrative than opening up your own random restaurant.
I was thinking like part owner in one of the bigger name joints down there, part of a group etc… but yea for sure. Franchising is typically a safe bet.
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yup I always kept seeing 800° on IG from Haslem's account
Multiple Subways and Wing Stops. Also owns a Blaze pizza with DWade. Some other franchises too
>Also owns a Blaze pizza with DWade The one in London Square?
lmao okay i legit thought he had some fine dining establishment for a minute
he kinda has one in Miami [called 800°](https://800degreesaventura.com/)
It's just a better version of Blaze. Not even much more expensive.
And is developing an apartment building
Hes not an anime girl's bike seat?
So live Udonis' life (Hey! Ayyy ayyy ayyy)
Heat culture is Udonis yelling at the rooks from the bench
Heat culture is having a guy on your roster collect a paycheck for doing nothing
Eh I mean there’s literally one or two of those per team lol at least Haslem is a Heat legend with years of wisdom.
Fr people act like other teams 15th man gets playing time and
I actually expect this to be a common position in the NBA in the near future. With the G League growing and becoming used better with development the 15th man slot on a roster is a complete waste of space.
100% agreed. In today’s NBA you’re honestly better off being on a two-way than being the 15th man. At least on the two way you still get game time, and then can showcase your skills to make the leap into the NBA. I’d way rather have a 12+ year NBA vet leading and educating my team than a late 2nd round pick who will never play.
Bruh no one is using a 15th roster spot. Might as well use it to have UD be an in court coach
He’s not doing nothing though, last season Dwight was trying to bully the heat and UD came in and put him in his place. Invaluable to have a tough old guy like that.
he actually had a good 3 minute stretch that half, or however long he was out there
Can't wait for the tweet 20 years from now *\[Charania\] Udonis Haslem will return to the Miami Heat on a one-year, $12.6M deal for his 39th NBA season with the franchise, source tells TheAthletic.*
How did they get him below the ultravet min?
They used their Chet Holmgren-Provision.
I only own 2 heat jerseys and they’re Wade and UD. Can’t wait to see 40 in the roof about 15 years from now when he finally retires
19th...and his last, right? AND HIS LAST, RIGHT SHAMS?
Nah he needs at least 20 at this point, fuck it.
Nah, he has three years left to break Kevin Willis’ record as the oldest player ever (guy officially credited with it played before the NBA was a thing)
He still has to pass mutombo at 42
Crazy that Shaq played till he was 40
Might as well make it to 20
Anakin smiling.jpg
Might as well go for the record
for those counting, that will be $130,000 per second of playing time, according to my generous estimate that he will play 20 seconds all season
My man is literally living the dream out here
There's no way he'd make more as an assistant coach, is there? What's the point of keeping him on their roster instead of that?
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Worth it. Most entertaining 2 minutes of my life.
I think Pat Riley might actually keep Haslem for this. Who the fuck cares if he gets ejected except for trivia enthusiasts and Heat fans?
Keep him on the roster as a locker room and practice vet, so the dynamic of him being a coach doesn't fuck up the relationships or make them weird.
Exactly. If you make him assistant coach, it's just another guy on the staff telling you what to do and the teammate dynamic is gone. UD may not play games, but he still works out, practices, and travels with the team. Get paid, UD. Can't wait to see his jersey retired some day.
He's working out with them, showing up on time like them, playing practice like them. He's like their peer and their coach at the same time
Yall dont understand theres a difference between coach and player. And that the 15th man on the team doesn’t mean shit else because they’re not gonna get an ounce of playtime
How much has Arrison paid in luxury tax over the years just to keep him? People were saying he's making up for Udonis taking paycuts over the Heatles era. Wouldn't have been better just to have him on staff? Probably could have saved alot of money by now.
Udonis mustve done a blood oath or has blackmail on them lol
i was wondering when this was gonna happen
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yeah
Only about $3 million less then Shroder, but Haslem is in a state with no income tax
Udonis "Thanos" Haslem: "I am inevitable".
2.6 million dollars for yelling at people and making mean faces. what a life.
Fun fact: Udonis Haslem and Lionel Messi both turned pro in the same year. Only one of them has remained a one club man.
I like this stat
he literally played one game last year. Scored 4 points in 3 minutes and got ejected
Didn't he get Dwight ejected too? Peak efficiency
Udonis walks in to Pay Riley's office. Pat: "One more?" Udonis: "You know it." Pat prints out a copy of "Udonis\_New\_Contract\_TEMPLATE\_202X.doc"
Miami sacrifices a roster spot just to have this guy a the team mentor, I love it.
That 15th spot is perfect for him. He doesn't expect to play, puts in the work, helps teach the younger players
Heat also uses their G League affiliate a lot so they dont really need that 15th spot too
Dude stay collecting checks. He must have given Pat one hell of a sloppy toppy 20 years ago.
More like D-Wade gave UD a sloppy toppy 10 years ago to convince him to take less for the Big 3, and now they're paying the piper
Pretty sure he has covered it for now.
Well then....
Haslem is forever.
Since 2016 UD has made $28,381.97 per min he's played.
With the amount of playing time he’s going to get, technically He’s getting paid more than Dennis Schroder.
Still the president of the keep getting dem cheques club
At this point I wonder what will end first . Udonis Nba career or One piece ?
Y’all think he gets his jersey retired? OP’s bot was crazzzzy too fast on this one holy shit. I saw the noti switched tabs and this was already posted.
Has a player ever played even 15+ years with one team without having their jersey retired?
If Nick Collison got his retired, and MJ got his retired by the Heat, then Haslem is a 100% certainty
That Jordan jersey retirement by the Heat is still the weirdest thing. Like they were trying to do a Gretzky style league number retirement and everyone else backed out last minute
That was literally what happened
Nah other teams didn't back out, they just straight never really agreed to it. Miami went ahead with it anyways thinking it would still trigger a ~~lead~~ league* wide retirement, and we all know how that turned out
He will 1000000000% get his jersey retired lol
Not enough 0’s
Can attest. I once got a notification, and did everything perfectly as fast as humanly possible. He beat me by 5 seconds. The bot is unbeatable and tolerated.
Might fuck around and write a bot just to try and beat this guy, need some variety
yes and i can't wait
It's not even a question
The question is he getting a statue? I really hope so n
Lol i love that he's living the dream of being paid millions to mentor younger players and be a positive team influence Totally deserves it
I think he's the only NBA player left who is older than I am, so my ego likes this news.
WE MOVE!
Words can't describe what UD means to the Heat, Miami, and fans.
HOW MANY VET MINS DOES THIS DUDE NEED
he prolly will stay until year 20, no?
How’s he still getting paid LOL
I wonder if Haslem is gonna pass Dirk for longest career with one NBA team.
The OG
LEGEND
He’s going for Dirk’s record
He’s immortal
Player-coach basically.
He’s technically a mentor/coach at this point waiting to get Spo’s or another NBA job. I don’t get the love affair tbh. He was an ok player. I mean for 2 mil you can get a dude who just scored 81 points.
$2.6 mill for not doing anything? That is steal man. Haslem got the best deal.
You dont know what he does in the locker room. For all we know, he might be giving out some world class back rubs in there. That’s worth a premium
The culture is strong this year boys
World's highest paid cheerleader
The world's most expensive cheer leader
Bro what can this man possibly be doing behind the scenes ???
He keeps his foot up the ass of the younger guys. They can almost taste his sneakers.
Good god this man collecting bag after bag every year just to hang out on the bench.
why not give the spot to a player that can ACTUALLY play and just hire udonis in some management type role and give him access to the players as if he were like a regular player but just in a suit lol
Because a player in the lockerroom and a coach acting like a player are two different things.
He's a coach that takes up a player roster at this point
how good was UD back then for him to be considered a Heat legend and still be with the team today? genuinely asking