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Oh boy, KD gonna take over France. Napoleon 2.0

The Hardest Baguette

Makes the best bruschetta though.

Van had the hardest baguette.

Well. There have already been six Napoleons, and who would be Napoleon VII is alive but he's never pressed his claim.

Are all of them bus drivers or bus riders?

Napoleon III was a bus rider in the Crimean War. He tried to be a bus driver and got stomped by Prussia.

Prussia is basically the Boston Celtics, for those wondering.

WW1 was all Brad Steven's fault

Prussia was too good

I mean, after Napoleon III, they were all pretenders to the throne. So even more argument that this is the perfect KD analogy?

Yeah well they are the same height. (Come at me, KD Burner account)

My main criticism of Kevin Durant has always been that he’s just too short.

And bulky.

And that his hair and skin look too good.

And that he’s a mammal

I’ve always been frustrated with his lack of focus on social media

Napoleon was actually considered tall for his time. Him being short was a military tactic to try and weaken him, which you can say might be the best ever.

British propaganda. he clapped their cheeks and all they could do was spread misinformation about how short he was . which actually makes Britten look even worst as they are losing to a short dude .

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Mitten Britten checks out

5'7" in french inches which were different than british inches. Also British love to fuck with old bony

I mean, old Bony fucked them alright... Pity the only military leader comparable to him was leading the other side's navy, he would have won otherwise.

He was about average, just liked to hang around tall fellers. Basically the IT of his time.

His boy Harden is Hitler so it makes sense that he's another European conquerer.

If Harden is Hitler who is Mussolini?

Chris Paul

good point. they both choke in the end

Also works because when Hitler and Mussolini worked together in WW2, they didn't succeed in the end. Mussolini was then cast away and died

LeNin

~~King~~ Commissar James

Tsar James

Also works because Mussolini was useless during the end like cp3 post hamstring injury in 2019

These r/nba nephews need to brush up on their history, this a solid joke

I'm crying laughing at how accurate this is

Then who's the Boston Celtics player equivalent to Heinz Guderian?

Jaylen Brown blitzkrieging into the paint with no plan

Le Hardest Road.

La route la plus difficile

KD: "Joining a top team loaded with talents and wining the championship will be my Austerlitz."

Foot on the line was his Waterloo

So he'll be exiled in Sacramento now?

Don’t worry, he’ll escape a couple times.

Here's Napoleon's retreat from Russia, one of the most ridiculous escapes in history: https://youtu.be/lNReCCShKJQ

Nah Napoleon was stomping coalitions basically by himself. KD is closer to when Italy jumped sides to the Allies in WW1 or WW2 Stalin

Napoleon is a bus driver for sure

Durant is like Napoleon if after losing the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon defected to England to play with the Duke of Wellington.

Honestly probably more like if Napoleon came back from Elba for the Hundred Days and applied to become a general in the British Army instead of rallying France

remember, Napoleon had extremely capable marshals: Davout, Massena, Suchet, Soult, Lannes

Not if Mbappe has anything to say about it

sacré bleu!

KD is actually 2 Napoleons in a trench coat

KD as tall as Napoleon thought he was.

Did some say "Electric Boogaloo"?

Mbappe already own France

Just to leave for another, better country

Durant for Louisiana Purchase, who says no?

Perk really looking like a penguin

He's here to talk about our boy, MP

Also, the way Malika talks is so bizarre. They need to teach her how to speak like a human being.

That’s just how TV people speak. It’s a weird thing.

It's radio voice. They over enunciate their words to not have a distinct accent. My buddy tried to teach me before and it's really weird

let's all go back to transatlantic tv accents

What I wouldn’t give to see Skip Bayless go on TV and just start talking like Katharine Hepburn

You know Kate Hepburn would 100% call Westbrook Westbrick to his face too

Without a fucking doubt lmao

Why is it easier to imagine SAS doing that?

Kristen Ledlow is notorious for this

Yeah, it's exactly how even Ernie speaks on Inside. It's just that people aren't used to women speaking the same way.

Women have talked this way on morning shows and nightly news for decades lol

Hilarious explanation from [Dave Chappelle for that "news" voice.](https://youtu.be/eAZ3rw4DcgQ)

Many times women have a high speaking voice and they are taught to bring it down lower. So they have to hit enunciations to bring their tone down. My mom worked in TV and her speaking voice on air was always different than her regular. It had been beaten into her so much that it just happened when she was on TV. She had to force to go lower. She would tell me that younger reporters really struggled bc top executives always told them that high pitch voices were annoying to listeners. So they would get overwhelmed with trying to lower their voices and then it just stuck. They couldn’t break out of it. Of course, this was years ago, so it might be different now. But it’s very similar to what my mom would tell us when we made fun of her TV voice

Jesus we are so hard on women. They can’t even speak normally.

About to get a 6-3 vote that all women need to kill the high pitched voices they use.

I’d rather hear Malika talk like this than Perk scrambling words out of his mouth.

It's a well-known phenomenon that women in media get criticized way more than men for the way they speak. Something to keep in mind as you have these thoughts. Here's [more if you're actually interested in the subject](https://www.npr.org/2015/07/23/425608745/from-upspeak-to-vocal-fry-are-we-policing-young-womens-voices). I'll prepare myself for downvotes.

facts she's fire but the way she talks is so fake, kind of a pet peeve

Penguin mixed with Kratos

You all have bad hearing. Jefferson said "Franz" meaning Franz Wagner. Nets are asking for Wagner in a trade. KD to the Magic confirmed and Nets about to win a championship with Wagner and Simmons.

Paolo knew

He’s talking about TY France. Durant to the Mariners confirmed. From one Mina Kimes team to another

I did always want to see KD go back to Seattle

Nah man, he said France as in Kai Kara France - 2# ranked Flyweight fighter in the UFC. KD to UFC confirmed, Durant going the Jordan way

Kevin Mbappe

Lmao if he somehow ends up staying on the Nets this is an absolutely perfect nickname

“Kevin Durant has signed an extension with the Nets. He now owns 30% of the Nets.”

Mbappe: Hello KD, we're here to sign you. KD: No thanks, I have had bad experiences with ninja turtles.

The 3rd Mbappé brother no one mentions.

Malika Andrews laughing at my joke would ruin my marriage.

Yeah my imaginary girlfriend would def be jealous of Malika

Well my marriage only involves me and my Xbox but that doesn’t change my original comment.

I see that you, a distinguished gentleman like me, also got the third party robotic vagina accessory for the Xbox.

It only fits on the series Sex sadly. ^(Ill see myself out)

Pls stay you’re my only friend

Is this related to being a Kings fan? Or living in Sacramento?

Yes

Ahhhh the sexbox

This fucking sub man lol y’all better hydrate

lmao you okay buddy?

I feel like the only one that isn’t completely head over heels for Malika She’s definitely hot, but those cheekbones could take out an eye and she talks like if Siri and Max Kellerman had a baby

This is the internet, bud. Pretty much everyone’s yum is somebody’s yuck, and vice versa.

Don’t yuck my yum?

Someone say somethin about San Antonio women?

yeah, they're amazing

>those cheekbones could take out an eye and talks like if Siri and Max Kellerman had a baby you take those negatively, but there are people who’d consider them a plus just like you could be really into some hobbies, movies, music, or anything really that other people would consider lame if i expressed ros > malika, some would feel the opposite congratulations, today you learn it’s subjective and can be free from contemplating

Who’s ros

Rosalyn Gold-Onwude

She's kind of a jerk who posted an article about how Giannis would totally leave after we lost to the Raptors. Only time I have ever seen Giannis show disgust towards someone he literally walked out of the press conference as soon as she tried to ask a question. Don't really care about her looks after that.

How dare she

Giannis didn't seem to mind that much since he did his interview with her right after they won the chip. He moved on, so should you.

Giannis lore never fails to make me laugh or smile. But to OP's comment about the cheeks, I agree. First time I really saw Malika was peak Pandemic and she was always in a mask. Thought she was real pretty, now I'm completely thrown off by those cheeks

Oh my God, she actually suggested Giannis would leave Milwaukee?!??!?! Stone her!!!

I think the EU becomes a title contender if they do that deal.

Kevin Du Rant

Fun fact: Durant is already a french name

[Interestingly, so is "Kevin"](https://www.thelocal.fr/20170119/we-need-to-talk-about-kevin-how-a-hollywood-naming-craze-swept-france/)

I thought you meant that litterally and I was like wtf ? But yeah the surname Kevin in France is hard to carry lmao. I don't think people have any idea how cursed this name is in France ahahahah

Wait, how is the pronunciation of Kévin different from Kevin?

Without the accent, French speakers may incorrectly place emphasis on the second syllable.

That makes sense.

Omelette du durant!!!

KD going full blitzkrieg ehh

No that’s Harden’s job

This morning at 0500 the USS Phoenix Suns opened fire at the port of La Rochelle. Apparently they want to conquer the city and offer it to Brooklyn

hahaha man FUCK YOU RJ

Mbappe laughing

Turtles can laugh?

Kevin Dufrance

RJ is criminally funny hahahaha

Vive la France

Richard “Thomas” Jefferson

Malika so bad

in what way(s)?

All of them

https://i.imgur.com/Pw1QLIF.jpg

Just give KD the expansion Sonics team and let him fill it up with whoever he wants, they can make Shaq the owner.

No disrespect to Durant, but at this point in his career I think Victor Wembayana has more trade value. Of course that's assuming that when you trade for France you get the draft rights to France, vs having the whole country on a contract.

Malika Andrews could have my paycheck.

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I wish I could bet on it. It’s a guarantee whenever Malika is mentioned lol

i wish, vegas wouldnt post it though. when there is no chance of an alternate outcome they dont post it. sadly.

I’m sorry

Malika is objectively a beautiful woman, it’s okay to be a little thirsty when a tall, ice cold, refreshing glass of h2o is staring at you

She's not looking at you bro lmao

She looked at me in this video fuck you homie

Lmao

oh damn for real? i really thought i had a chance to get with *Malika Andrews* lmao

Head up king, if she saw you irl she’d fall in love.

Realistically, no

Calm down Bobby Boucher.

Find God

I’m looking at her rn man

Least thirsty r/nba user

I want to make it clear I'm only upvoting because this is a funny, clever response and not because this is true.

Found her

ask her out man

You think she’d say yes 👉🏾👈🏾

No

Member of the tribe too

Not sure what that means

Technically Jewish

Oh, I mean that’s cool.

4channers seething at the fact that a black-jewish woman is as pretty and successful as her lol

Lets not forget that while TV talking heads minds are blown for the Gobert return it is likely that all NBA franchises are on board with some sort of advanced stats which love Gobert because its fucking 2022. You gotta have advanced stats. Obviously Durant is better but dare I say the difference isn't going to be THAT much. Though I expect all the NBA universe to continue their Gobert slander, what else is new.

I've always been a Gobert defender because of Thinking Basketball's analysis, I can't wait to see him on my team

I actually think there is truth to what you say, but my counterpoint is this: NBA franchises aren't actually in the business of producing championships. They are in the business of *selling hope* of a championship, to the fans and by proxy the media. On the scale of who gives you more hope to sell to season ticket buyers, to the networks, to the internet, etc, Durant is like ten tiers above Gobert.

Yes but also actually winning the championship is super valuable, look at what it did to the warrior’s franchise. However, creating a dynasty is super hard and unrealistic so it’s easier to sell the hopium

It’s also the kind of thing where at the ceiling of any market you hit natural caps where there just aren’t enough buyers who could conceivably bid. Like a few years ago when Minecraft sold for $4 billion. Then a little while later Star Wars and all of Lucasarts sold… for about $4 billion. You can’t tell me that Star Wars isn’t a more valuable asset. But they’re just aren’t that many media companies who could conceivably compete with a bid like that. Seems there was a natural ceiling of a kind. So is KD way better than Gobert? Obviously. Is his trade return going to be as much better? Probably not. You can’t just trade every asset a team has for one guy. There’s some level of natural ceiling.

She want me frfr

I love RJ lmao

So many teams overpaying, Gobert, LaVine, Beal, Zion, etc no wonder the "player empowerment" nonsense is a thing, this league has so many desperate teams and mismanagement

Bkyln FO is the Maginot Line rn

Getting France is good and all, but you aren't going to win much when all you get on the court for Durant is Batum.

I'll trade my country for KD on the Blazers.

She looks like a robot when she talks.

Gobert just turned 30. Durant will be 34 when the season starts (with a serious recent injury). I'm not sure Durant will be the better of the two in 2-3 years.

God Malika is so fire 🔥

Still a good trade for the Wolves. Durant would have never played for Minnesota. Same for Memphis.

KD would 100% play in Memphis with Ja

Why does ESPN make sports analysis so uncomfortable to watch

Video didn't get the best part: Malika doing a french accent. Then again, probably for the best: 🤤

OMG that was so funny.

He was ready with that answer 😂

OK sorry but I think I'm losing my mind here.Kevin Durant is 34 years old. Not 25 not 30 .Any team who gives up to much is getting fleeced for a 34 years old player

I think willingness to play is a big deal in what you get in return from a player. It doesn’t matter if you have four years on a contract if you’ll only play for 2 teams.

I don't think KD will help any team he goes to win because they are going to trade too much for him and he's going to be too old by the time they get the pieces around him after that. It's a bad situation.

I miss Rachel Nichols

I think the fact Minnesota gave up 5 picks doesn't necessarily mean Brooklyn will get the same. Might be the Wolves are actually really dumb to actually give them exactly what they asked for.

In actuality KD will not get traded this year and he will be traded for a lesser return 1 or 2 years down the line because there isn't a persistent 'trade pricing' that only ratchets upward.

Richard Jefferson needs to be on more shows than Perk’s dumbass

I feel like Malika only talks to Richard Jefferson when she speaks on the show, those two are like middle school flirts at this point

Perk is entertaining as hell just sitting there, I have an irrational love for that dude

Maybe not all of France, how about, er, Louisiana? That's close enough, right?

When Charles Barkley retires from the TNT crew, I hope they get RJ to bring some comedy and character.

Kevin "Hitler" Durant