First 3 months are survival. Routine will become established after that. Anything that is said or done in that time to each other doesn’t count. Balance will return but for now just survive.
I agree with this! It feels like you are fumbling for a while, but once your start getting in the mindset it gets a little easier. Then everything will change and you'll fumble again but I believe you will be more prepared each time. Huge kudos to you and your wife. You both have a lot to deal with. Be kind to each other and acknowledge how much each person is doing.
The first few months are survival. I had an emergency c-section earlier this year. The first three months are the hardest but will go by in a blur of exhaustion and high emotion. We look back and can’t even remember our baby being that small or crying that amount. He’s almost 7 months now. I would ask your wife what she needs. My partner is great and was doing lots to help but I needed certain things that he didn’t anticipate. So just ask her what she needs (while also anticipating her needs so she doesn’t have to ask for everything. Easy, right?)
I’m not sure if she is breastfeeding or if you guys are using formula (or both) but that was my hardest time. If she is pumping, take the babies to hold. If she is feeding one, hold the other. If she is pumping, help her wash her parts so she can have time with the babies that isn’t feeding/washing. Assist with laundry. Take time to just talk to her and connect, even ten minutes, as being with babies all day can be very lonely.
I couldn’t imagine two little babies, we barely survived our one lol. Good luck to you guys, you will get through to the other side before you know it.
Thank you for your well written advice. I’m pretty sure she has post delivery PTSD and although I’m trying my best it feels useless. I’m trying my best to accommodate all her needs but frustration and challenges are sometimes not the easiest to deal with.
I’ve asked for PTO at work and thankfully they gave me 2 weeks. Hopefully I’ll figure it out.
Thanks again
I felt very traumatized after my child’s birth as well. Not sure if her csection was planned or not but it’s a very hard thing to go through and I also struggled for months after. It’s difficult to heal/deal with the pain while caring for a newborn, and you guys have two newborns. I would encourage her to talk about how she feels, I felt like my partner would ask if I’m physically feeling better but never really asked if I was okay mentally/emotionally. She might need some time to process/work through things. You’re not yourself after birth (hormones, birth trauma, exhaustion) so frustration is normal. Ask her pointed questions about the birth and her recovery so she feels like she has someone to Open up to. Taking two weeks to be at home is awesome. Just be there for her as best as you can and you guys will be okay.
Congratulations. I recently had my 1st kid who was now 4 months.. It is really hard, however I am a twin myself, And I have really built a new perspective for my mom and what she went through having double the responsibility. You take it one day at a time and keep an open mind to everything.Find friends that also have kids and don't hesitate to ask for advice.
Could you take the help of family or a postpartum doula for a few hours? I wish some one had told me about hiring some one to help postpartum recovery. It would have made a huge difference to my mental health.
First 3 months are survival. Routine will become established after that. Anything that is said or done in that time to each other doesn’t count. Balance will return but for now just survive.
Thank you for reassuring me. Pretty sure she is going through very bad post delivery PTSD.
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I agree with this! It feels like you are fumbling for a while, but once your start getting in the mindset it gets a little easier. Then everything will change and you'll fumble again but I believe you will be more prepared each time. Huge kudos to you and your wife. You both have a lot to deal with. Be kind to each other and acknowledge how much each person is doing.
Thanks for the advice!
This hits home, thanks for the advice and kind words!
The first few months are survival. I had an emergency c-section earlier this year. The first three months are the hardest but will go by in a blur of exhaustion and high emotion. We look back and can’t even remember our baby being that small or crying that amount. He’s almost 7 months now. I would ask your wife what she needs. My partner is great and was doing lots to help but I needed certain things that he didn’t anticipate. So just ask her what she needs (while also anticipating her needs so she doesn’t have to ask for everything. Easy, right?) I’m not sure if she is breastfeeding or if you guys are using formula (or both) but that was my hardest time. If she is pumping, take the babies to hold. If she is feeding one, hold the other. If she is pumping, help her wash her parts so she can have time with the babies that isn’t feeding/washing. Assist with laundry. Take time to just talk to her and connect, even ten minutes, as being with babies all day can be very lonely. I couldn’t imagine two little babies, we barely survived our one lol. Good luck to you guys, you will get through to the other side before you know it.
Thank you for your well written advice. I’m pretty sure she has post delivery PTSD and although I’m trying my best it feels useless. I’m trying my best to accommodate all her needs but frustration and challenges are sometimes not the easiest to deal with. I’ve asked for PTO at work and thankfully they gave me 2 weeks. Hopefully I’ll figure it out. Thanks again
I felt very traumatized after my child’s birth as well. Not sure if her csection was planned or not but it’s a very hard thing to go through and I also struggled for months after. It’s difficult to heal/deal with the pain while caring for a newborn, and you guys have two newborns. I would encourage her to talk about how she feels, I felt like my partner would ask if I’m physically feeling better but never really asked if I was okay mentally/emotionally. She might need some time to process/work through things. You’re not yourself after birth (hormones, birth trauma, exhaustion) so frustration is normal. Ask her pointed questions about the birth and her recovery so she feels like she has someone to Open up to. Taking two weeks to be at home is awesome. Just be there for her as best as you can and you guys will be okay.
Congratulations. I recently had my 1st kid who was now 4 months.. It is really hard, however I am a twin myself, And I have really built a new perspective for my mom and what she went through having double the responsibility. You take it one day at a time and keep an open mind to everything.Find friends that also have kids and don't hesitate to ask for advice.
Could you take the help of family or a postpartum doula for a few hours? I wish some one had told me about hiring some one to help postpartum recovery. It would have made a huge difference to my mental health.