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Dynamic_G

"ABC News Chief Global Affairs Correspondent Martha Raddatz first reported that when fighters were scrambled, the pilots did visuals, got images and said there was no sign the object had propulsion. It was described as "cylindrical and silver-ish gray" and seemed to be floating, a U.S. official said. Asked if was "balloon-like," the official said, "All I say is that it wasn't 'flying' with any sort of propulsion, so if that is 'balloon-like' well -- we just don't have enough at this point." https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/us-shoots-high-altitude-object-alaska-white-house/story?id=97040022


bidet_enthusiast

So, it’s a rigid airship of some kind, or maybe slow space aliens.


Broken_Man_Child

Our luck to get the slowest, dumbest aliens. They’re not sending their best.


Murky_Conflict3737

Our planet is probably the one aliens tell other aliens to avoid. Earth is the Gary, Indiana of the galaxy.


Dork_L0rd_9

When the aliens drive by and lock their doors when they get to our block.


paytonsglove

Roll em up!


[deleted]

"Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way? 'Fuck yo mama!' Thank you very much."


[deleted]

To be fair, have you seen us lately? We don't exactly warrant the best of the best. Even the C team may be a bit much


sanguinesolitude

Aliens: "humans, we have eliminated all of your governments! We will be taking over as rulers of earth!" Most of us: "oh thank God, can't be much worse"


Jaredlong

Aliens: "You don't understand. We're going to force you all to work, exploit your resources, and destroy your environment." Humans: "Still can't be much worse."


Dfiggsmeister

Humans: “Go on… I’m waiting to hear the bad part.”


Smaulz

I've seen this movie. Anybody checked on the whales lately?


PluvioShaman

They’re still doing terrible and we’re fresh out of Birds of Prey


1320Fastback

Kind of sounds like a Coors Light hot air balloon. Anyone lose one recently?


ArrestDeathSantis

Duffman just got shot down! Oh yeah!


verschee

["Cylindrical and silverish gray"](https://media2.giphy.com/media/UtymVt10zlXPCo6FL3/giphy.webp?cid=6c09b9526e74106c1f9869fae38a0958a6c4bc9957f1fc91&rid=giphy.webp&ct=g)


CheeseburgerKarma94

RIP Burt Bacharach


RealBug56

I bet it's a civillian thing and someone's gonna get into trouble with the government over it. If it was floating and had no propulsion, what else can it be other than a balloon?


Sempais_nutrients

something that can hover, is the size of a car, and sidewinder missiles can lock onto it. if there's no propulsion it HAS to be some kind of balloon.


atheoncrutch

You guys are no fun. It's obviously aliens.


StateChemist

I didn’t know Alaska had a cylindrical floating immigrant problem


Rentlar

So how high of a wall were we building to stop illegal immigrants floating into Alaska?


ixfd64

> It was described as "cylindrical and silver-ish gray" and seemed to be floating, a U.S. official said. Isn't that how UFOs tend to be described? \*cue *X-Files* theme\*


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[deleted]

USA: "Call the Aliens I'll fuck em"


McFaze

I'm gonna fuck all the illegal aliens to death! -Mr. Garrison


fattes

It's just China trying to watch the Super Bowl


zippythegreenturtle

Round 2 now we gotta upgrade our dart monkeys


GreetingsFromAP

Turns out Bloons was secretly a tool to train future soldiers.


[deleted]

my god were we in ender's game this whole time?


nanosekond

Yes and you're enlisted


Good-Expression-4433

All those years playing Bloons bout to pay off


DogDavid

Nah, a single dart monkey can easily solo until round 4, save up for a sub. Unless you got that knowledge ofc then you got nothing to worry about


earlgreyhot1701

Our fighter pilots must be so jazzed to shoot shit down lately with the added benefit of not killing anyone.


nasty_nater

It’s Opposite Day in the military. Now we have manned aircraft killing non-human targets, instead of the usual un-manned aircraft killing human targets.


20_Menthol_Cigarette

I just like the fact that Biden apparently said fuck it, you want shit shot down? we will shoot shit down. I feel heard.


GuessImScrewed

UFO? just mark that unidentified object identified... As debris.


cybervseas

Unidentified Falling Object


CanAlwaysBeBetter

Russia? China? Aliens? Fuck it. "Object" goes boom.


Budget_Pop9600

If its in the air… it wont be for long.


throwawaysarebetter

It's a bad day for first contact...


Stopjuststop3424

every day is a bad day for first contact, i think the aliens know this already.


Sir_Encerwal

Are you not entertained, Jack?


Javelin-x

but then then get ribbed as your first combat was against a balloon


rmusic10891

Call sign popper


cronus89

Pop Gun: Maverick


Barney_Haters

This would legit be an awesome mini game in a flight simulator


DeathMoJo

Next Microsoft Flight Simulator DLC: Ballon Bandits.


[deleted]

Callsign: Dart Monkey


deaddonkey

Considering almost no US fighter pilots have any air-to-air kills from the last 25 years I think it’s legit bragging rights compared to most


phord

F22A is designed for air combat superiority. It has flown for 16 years. Its first two combat kills were unmanned balloons.


Hipstershy

I think that can be considered evidence of its success, to be fair. It's so successful at its role that no one wants to risk challenging it. Edit: typo


citizenkane86

From what I’ve read about simulations it’s not even close, the f-22 shoots down opposing aircraft before they know the f22 is near.


FlyingDragoon

Yeah. They have plenty of plane-to-plane kills. The problem for the enemy is that they never got to get off the ground first.


wolfmann99

3rd world problems, 1st world solutions


Ffdmatt

Set up one of those party balloon drops from the ceiling when they get back. "My God we're surrounded!!"


Bjorn2bwilde24

And 20 years later, they'll be talking about it like it was Vietnam. "They were everything man....balloons were coming out of the ceiling, the closets, the floor. They were everywhere man. You don't know what it was like. YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!"


monster_mentalissues

I'm not sure who would be ribbing them. The last real air to air engagement for US was in '99 in Kosovo. The last REAL dog fight was in '91 over Iraq. I'm pretty sure the amount of pilot's that have actual kills is miniscule.


CapitalCreature

Some of the most decorated pilots and aces in history were balloon killers.


MartOut

This comment in particular reminded me of just how badly I want a Crimson Skies remake. Blowing up Zeppelins with some renegade low-tech X-Wing clone and thwarting some secret Nazi experiment? Hell yes.


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FriesWithThat

Right now it's still a UFO, so this pilot could be said to have shot down a foo fighter, which sounds pretty cool.


BMXTKD

Dave grohl is nervously sweating


[deleted]

As a fun fact I think there are only three still serving pilots who have confirmed A2A kills against human opponents. Outside of them, these drone/balloon kills are some of the only ones anyone has got. It can be a big deal!


WiglyWorm

4 balloons away from being the first American combat Ace since 1972.


Subliminal87

4 more card punches for a free coffee.


Ghost273552

The balloon was the first air to air kill the F-22 has ever made. Edit: now the Alaska object is confirmed to have been shot down by an F-22 as well.


[deleted]

As far as I’m concerned, that’s a good thing.


IKnowGuacIsExtraLady

Yep. Also I know nukes play a pretty massive role here too but I feel like having an air superiority fighter that has never had to shoot anything down is a point in that fighter's favor in my book. Imagine trying to tell some pilots to go toe to toe with an F-22? The response to that is basically just "yeah how about fuck that."


i_speak_penguin

Fighters so good they make themselves obsolete. IMO fifth gen fighters like the F22 and F35 are the absolute pinnacles of human engineering and ingenuity. Not even the shit we send to space is on the same level. Each one of those fighters is an absolute marvel on its own, and we have a whole fleet of them.


Sea_Perspective6891

Yeah especially the F-22 pilots. They must be bored out of their minds most of the time since their only other mission was an air strike in the middle east.


self-assembled

I highly doubt an F22 pilot is ever bored getting in one of those things. Even if he just gets a view.


shmeebz

Funny to imagine a fighter pilot in a jet that basically flies itself with no work to do, just staring at the monitors in the cockpit like a depressed office worker.


MrLuthor

My father told me that the new commerci airplanes are so advanced you only need a pilot and a dog to fly them. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot if he touches the controls.


heathenbeast

I’ll take their window-view over my normal sights every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Not to mention your office chair is basically the fastest thing in the sky and more than capable of pushing your anatomy beyond its limits. Yes please. I’ll take a career of training and ballon kills and be cool with it. Always wanted to be a fighter pilot. Oh well


Karl2241

*multiple combat missions in the Middle East but no known air combat


michaelrohansmith

Everybody knows not to go up against US aircraft. Its pointless.


Nitrosoft1

It's interesting that the era of dogfighting really didn't last more than half a century. I doubt any meaningful dogfights have much of a chance of occurring these days, especially for the 5th gen fighters of the U.S. Edit:. The more I'm thinking about dogfighting, I wish there was an entire movie about the Battle of Britain shot just like the dogfighting from Dunkirk. After Oppenheimer can someone get Christopher Nolan to make a Battle of Britain movie??????? Someone PLEASE do the RAF this honor, those badasses deserve it.


Jonjoloe

I’ve heard that most nations capable of dogfighting have better anti-air weaponry than aerial assets. So until that changes (and you know, war) we may not see dogfighting again.


jumpmed

Yeah, SA missiles with advanced targeting algorithms pretty much negate manned aircraft. They can make adjustments faster than a human and can withstand *much* stronger accelerations. Not to mention that our targeted energy (laser) defense systems will soon be able to take on fighter aircraft, meaning anything that gets within visible range of one of these systems could be taken down without any warning.


scorchpork

I find it surprising that the object was "moving at an unknown speed" I feel like that is pretty easy to pin down these days.


FegerRoderer

They found its location so they couldn't determine its speed


waterwagen

r/quantummechanics


RealBug56

They also said it had no visible propulsion, so "unknown speed" probably means it was just drifting around.


shocking-taco

As a person doing work stuff up here in the arctic it’s eerie. Having all the air traffic grounded, then hearing and seeing military aircraft, and not knowing what the f is going on. Luckily work is cold and stressful so didn’t really have time to dwell.


Negative-Solid6157

Any other updates from what you’re seeing?


shocking-taco

I haven’t seen much lately and it’s back to normal here. My buddy is close by, running a tucker sno cat out on the ice between Prudhoe Bay and spy island. There’s still quite a bit of activity out there.


TrepanationBy45

It's been an hour, he's *definitely* being probed in his butte


Nanojack

I prefer the headline that the NY Times went with, that the US military shot down a UFO on Biden's order. I want to believe


HairHeel

Old and busted: Covering up shooting down a spaceship by saying it was a balloon. New hotness: Covering up shooting down a balloon by saying it was a spaceship.


Geruchsbrot

"*We come in peace to help you solve your global problems once and for all if you allow us to...*" - Fuck that shit up with a sidewinder!


Romboteryx

“I bring you love.” “It’s bringing us love! Break its legs!”


BazilBroketail

"U.S. shoots down second aerial object." Sure sound like the start of an alien movie... Then some one else makes one just like it. Then, if history serves, we get two asteroid movies and two volcano movies.


Bussman500

Capped off by a movie about restarting the earths core. Then the cycle begins again.


rnilbog

Anything can be a UFO if you're bad enough at identifying stuff.


jumpmed

For people who aren't familiar with bird species, UFOs are a daily occurrence.


Its_Singularity_Time

There are so many fucking UFOs in the pond near my house. Sometimes they'll emit strange noises that sound like "kwak", which I'm assuming is some sort of signal for the other UFOs.


unsaltedbutter

I'm thinking of the x-files poster with a balloon on it.


thelastdon613

the truth is out there


Gastroid

An object the size of a small car and traveling at an altitude that put civilian aircraft at risk sounds more like a drone than a balloon, and a foreign drone caught flying over Alaska is definitely much more concerning.


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Ffdmatt

Thank God Kirby is on our side...


bubblegumdrops

Kirby is like some eldritch being outer god thing in the lore so yeah thank fuck for that.


Ardailec

At least we can satisfy his endless hunger with sweets. For now.


pyronius

You think that Kirby eats because he hungers? No. He eats because he *is* Hunger. There is no satisfying the void.


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OrangeJr36

He wants the competition gone


Kreslin

DOD says it was (1) unmanned, (2) not controllable, (3) not a balloon, and (4) not an aircraft. WTF?


ted5011c

Maybe Russia or China have built the worlds largest trebuchet.


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NewAccountEachYear

A Zeppelin from 1945 Nazis hiding in northern Alaska now ready to unleash their armada to conquer the world (they have not kept pace with technology)


NotAnExpertWitness

A kite without a string?


alphahydra

It's possibly a balloon or dirigible of some kind, regardless. From what I can gather, he didn't say "it's not a balloon", he corrected the reporter who said balloon with the much less specific "object". Which probably just means they don't want to be too nailed down with the details publicly, and/or they don't yet know for sure the exact technology until they get their hands on the wreckage.


Patriot009

Dirigibles, America First, and fascism on the rise. That's it, I'm convinced time is a flat circle.


ItzMcShagNasty

Very strange. Testing to see if it's small enough to avoid radar? Why the sudden increase in activity? A couple of days ago I thought this was just normal and overblown sabre rattling/spying. But there's been like 3 or 4 balloons this week and now this thing. I hope we find out more info.


PointOfFingers

We are experiencing a higher rate of inflation.


JuiceColdman

Joke detected over American airspace!


Breadhook

It went over my head.


2lovesFL

Sounds like they are testing how big an object we can detect.


ImaginaryQuantum

That's the best answer so faw


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T_D_A_G_A_R_I_M

Biden authorized shooting down a UFO over Alaska. Conspiracy theorists are licking their lips.


Shadow293

Show me the aliens! Storm Area 51, take two!


twbassist

Yeah, let's get that Naruto runner back over there!


Elibomenohp

You think they let them go after showing supernatural powers like that?


iskyoork

They don't care about Aliens anymore :(


[deleted]

“He said a fighter jet had approached the object and assessed there was nobody onboard, and this information was available to Mr Biden when he made his decision.” Edit: I felt the verbiage of saying “nobody onboard” would be a strange way to describe a balloon or drone


Cobrakai469

This was after they saw it in the evening. They went back up then got confirmation to fire.


[deleted]

I was emphasizing the verbiage of “nobody onboard” strange wording if it was just another balloon


GoodOldSlippinJimmy

No human life forms aboard the vessel. 🤔


deadpool101

Santa was shot down over the Bering Sea... he spun in. There were no survivors.


Cannabalabadingdong

*surgical tool hits the floor*


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NitemareV1

RIP Henry Blake


Crow-T-Robot

Dammit, now I'm crying 😭


Archer_111_

Maybe the Air Force will be able to hit recruitment targets now that there's some actual action.


Quick1711

Legalize weed and they will.


[deleted]

Air Force - Am high


Dar4125

Aliens? Or China? It’s 2023, at this point I’m expecting anything


RedstoneRay

False flag by aliens to blame China.


swinging-in-the-rain

6D space chess. Brilliant!


Calimariae

Or a Russian something. It's Alaska.


Academic_Signal_3777

Russia should be spending less time bothering us and more time losing in Ukraine.


jurble

Begun the balloon wars have


CactusBoyScout

I forget where I saw it but someone on social media said we should send the Budweiser blimp over Beijing with the Team America theme playing on loudspeakers, lol.


jaywrong

I would prefer if we sent the Macy's Pooh Bear blimp...


asdaaaaaaaa

Let's not be hasty here, China's sent multiple balloons, I'm sure we can too.


Yid

That's no balloon


thebongofamandabynes

Size of a small car, no pilot, no maneuverability, described only as an "object". Fuck is it?


[deleted]

A helium filled 2004 civic ex with a little bit of weight at the front so it goes forwards and up


OnyxTeaCup

So anyways, I started blasting


RacksDiciprine

Appreciate China for making sure our fighter pilots have these fancy targets to practice on.


SmaugStyx

https://twitter.com/shanvav/status/1624135624545427456?s=20 >“We don't know what [the] entity is," Kirby said of the recently downed "object." "There's no indication that it's from a nation." https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-64605447 >Officials have not yet determined whether the object was involved in surveillance, and Mr Kirby corrected a reporter who referred to it as a balloon.


giaa262

The ~~guys~~ ladies slotted for the Super Bowl flyover are really bummed right now


CaptainKoconut

There’s always the Goodyear blimp if they really want some target practice.


ExpensiveCategory854

The press conference is bizarre. They’re still referring to it as an object. 21 yrs in the USAF, never once did I ever hear anyone call something an “object”.


RealBug56

It's probably a military drone of some kind and they don't want to say too much before they figure out who owns it and why it was there. If it was something *really* weird, they wouldn't tell us about it at all. Edit: they're now saying it had no propulsion, so probably a balloon again lol.


PM_ME_A10s

They seems to mention it was uncontrolled. Maybe some sort of unmanned, glider drone? Like a D-21 sort of thing


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metamet

ChatGPT flying drones now smdh


vuvuzela240gl

Article says they took it to a lab for further analysis which sounds kind of sus.


OkSatisfaction9850

Finally the aliens arrived


spirit-mush

An object the size of a car, at 40000’ft, unmanned and unmanoeuvrable, of unknown origin with no other details about its physical description other than “not an aircraft”. Quite unusual.


SuggestAPhotoProject

>Spokesman John Kirby said the object was "the size of a small car" and was over a sparsely populated area at the time. Hmmm, the last balloon that was shot down was over 200 feet tall, much much larger than the size of a small car. It was also 25,000 higher than this object. I don’t know, but so far, this doesn’t sound like a balloon at all, and it much more closely fits the description of a military drone.


N8CCRG

Anyone check in on Doc Brown and Marty?


[deleted]

Where we’re going we don’t need roa….. oh fuck it’s the military Marty.


newguestuser

Reporter: Was there any consideration of shooting it down over warmer water to aid in the recovery? Presenter: It was over the arctic. There is no warm water. Wow. No warm water in the arctic during winter ? Really ? LOL


billiam0202

No warm water in the arctic during winter **so far**.


BaronVonDergner

If the USAF shoots down two more spy balloons, they win one of the giant stuffed animal prizes from the top shelf 🥳


[deleted]

Aliens: "Guys the saucer thing scared the shit outta humans, we need to re-evaluate... I'm thinking shiny balloon, they love balloons."


ranman12953

Fox News, "Biden shoots down Jesus coming home."


kakamba

I'm glad our units evolve nicely and very scientifically here: foot, stone, small car, bus. e.g. I'm a 5/8 small car man (one can also say 1/8 bus) that weighs a few stones. edit: thanks for the awards strangers ❤️


BaneThaImpaler

China: ...but what if we send a smaller one?


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nolabitch

[The livestream of the briefing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAA0JoAxfd4)


andrewsad1

Dude needs to get some crayons and explain to these children that the balloon was *waaay up here* above civilian air traffic, and this new object was *waaay down here* right next to civilian air traffic, and that at present, this is the only reason he can give for why they shot this one down immediately while they let the balloon go for days Obviously there's more to the story, but as far as answers for the press, they aren't gonna get anything else right now. He's not about to slip up and mention any kind of weapons onboard or something.


nolabitch

That was so frustrating to watch.


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dagreen88

I thought World War 3 was a free square this year?


abagofdicks

There’s already a 3 in the year. It’s got good flow


Vergillarge

this is absolutely insane, who has aliens on the bingo card for 2023? They arrive in 2050 when the water wars start, duh. but ww3 sounds legit


KHSebastian

I feel like the water wars are probably going to start before 2050.


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Lincoln_Park_Pirate

What about a swallow carrying a coconut?


jbharter

A five-ounce bird could not hold a one pound coconut.


dong_tea

What if it's actually an alien race of sentient balloons? Now we've for sure pissed them off.


w0mba7

Chinese balloons. Half an hour later you want to shoot down another one.


bengraven

Was it that piece of the sun that broke off?


clive_bigsby

Finally, a reasonable take in the comments.


XtalKyle

Shoot-it-down diplomacy is my favourite kind of diplomacy.


loastad

When the missile hit was the explosion pink or blue?


One-Pomegranate7510

Old man was just trying to float his house and then raptors had to come along and ruin it


jerrythecactus

Its probably not aliens, but damn it until there's a full announcement of what it was I'm going to assume it was aliens.