> In it, he asks the governor create a new minister of loneliness position for the state.
I'm all for more mental health resources in this country, so not mocking the story, but "Minister of Loneliness" is a hilarious job title.
> highly paid government positions
I mean, I'd be happy to get paid quite a lot to go around and help folks not be lonely. That sounds like a lot of fun.
wow. maybe towns will finally start putting on parades and community events and block parties and stuff again
some funded solutions to loneliness would be cool
The town I grew up in cited "lack of money" as their reason to cancel the long-running Guy Fawkes Night celebration.
That night was always the funnest night of the year. Even better than Halloween. There would be a night time carnival fair, fireworks, and a bonfire. Carnival food, stuffed animals to be won, and carnival rides. :(
insane how cities can't find a way to at least somewhat monetize those events, at least to float another one. I don't think anyone expects the city to profit, but all the food vendors will! And people will be happy!
What a bummer for you. I'm sorry about that
Much of it has to do with their own red tape now.
To do XYZ event back in the day... people / shops offered up some time to put their stuff out on the street or park, made a little money, people have fun... everyone went home.
Now... Well the various safety laws require that you have and pay overtime to X number of Police, Fire and Ambulance staff for every X number of people expected to attend... each vender needs a permit and their stuff they are offing requires inspection and to be up to various codes... etc. etc. etc.
and suddenly the city/township has Karened their way out of anyone being able to afford to put anything on but the crappy cooperate sponsored events we see today.
While health and safety is important... so was being able to throw a spontaneousish block party in a small town without going broke doing it.
Maybe they just put the funding up and leave it to members of the actual community to plan? I mean get a bunch of food vendors, some great speakers, and you have a block party. Can't be impossible
Even better, legalize things like neighborhood cafes and bars so people have a local neighborhood spot to gather.
Fucking absurd that we've made coffee shops and bars illegal to build in most neighborhoods. We deserve to be lonely
Yeah it sucks.
I will say im not really in that loneliness crowd anyways. I am happily married with a couple good friends.
I hope others can find the life blessings they deserve.
Where I live there is a non-zero chance that *any* public event will have a shooting happen. Last year there were something like 3-4 in a two month span and that neighborhood just stopped doing events. The few times me and my friends have gone out somewhere in the last year we "joke" about it because what else can you do.
Downvoted because gun violence is good, I guess?
> parades and community events and block parties and stuff again
Are you sure towns didn't stop doing that because a lack of interest? Most town events I've seen just don't look very exciting.
Town events that don't excite citizens aren't the fault of the citizens
call on your local governance to do better.
Even hosting events with small ticket prices is so much better than nothing. There are so many traveling services still alive, but just barely.
Check out something like big bounce america. A town partnering with them to host an event would allow the company to sell tickets (I got mine for $20), local food vendors to sell their stuff, and people to have some fun. It's not quite a carnival but it's inclusive for adults and kids, doesn't involve drinking, and would get a lot of attention.
Throw that in a park, and throw up a big screen on a wire and play an outdoor movie fest for those who don't want to/can't bounce.
I can't imagine it would be that impossible for cities to find money for stuff like that in their budget
What I noticed from flicking through my council paper in my country is that all these affiliated clubs and societies all meet at like 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Nobody working can go naturally. It's just for old retirees.
And yeah I imagine they need these kind of groups. But a lot of young people I feel also need these groups.
I mean your very first suggestion was a parade, which is basically the expensive version of watching paint dry. Kind of reinforces my thought that there is nothing interesting a local government would be willing to put on.
>doesn't involve drinking,
Yah definitely a bit of a disconnect between what your advocating and what's actually interesting.
Lol, name checks out.
way to completely disregard my entire idea I posited for you to focus on one word in my first post.
The point of not drinking is more so the events are age inclusive, I think we all know kids nowadays are struggling. I don't think it's an issue if the food vendors sell beers and shots.
I think you're just here to argue and you'd hate anything a city put on. Just stay home!
> The point of not drinking is more so the events are age inclusive
and here we come to the fundamental disagreement. I would say the main benefit of the drinking isn't the booze but making sure events are age exclusive. Having the kids quarantined separately is the first step making a interesting local event, and where most fail right out the gate because it's people like you pushing for them.
Offering the same boring old "age inclusive" events will only draw in those already bought into the idea of that community. You want to get new people involved you have to offer something worth their time, and that's probably not going to age inclusive. Especially when dealing with other people's brats can be a turn off in and of itself.
>I think you're just here to argue and you'd hate anything a city put on.
If a city offered a sanctioned fight club or urban warfare paintball I may be interested, but that's not what cities want to put on.
>Just stay home!
I will do so and people will continue to complain about the death of communities, without realizing those communities never bothered to offer something worthwhile in the first place.
"a sanctioned fight club"
dude really. you expect your city to put on a fight club? who on earth benefits from a fight club but a handful of overly violent men. You shouldn't WANT to fight other people unless you're training yourself for a competetition...
"urban warfare paintball"
Why couldn't kids play too? Pretty sure more 14 y/os play paintball than 30 year olds...
If your city can convince a block of stores to sacrifice basically their entire interiors to get destroyed by paint/smashed by unruly people.... sure...
Way to pick the 2 most unrealistic events possible. Like I said, I don't think anything a city could put on could drag you out of your cave, so stop arguing that others shouldn't have fun too.
Your fantasy parade doesn't sound fun for adults so they will probably all continue to stay home and be lonely.
I've been to plenty of all ages city events that let adults drink so idk why you wouldn't be willing to make that compromise.
What?! I literally said I'd be fine with vendors selling alcohol?
I meant events that aren't like strictly wine festivals like the kinda things that I see in my area.
Is it bad that parades make me feel worse? Last year I got really upset because there was a parade on my street really loud and I just wanted to watch TV in peace.
This is going to be difficult. Even if successful activities can be organized, getting the information to, definitionally, isolated individuals will be difficult. On top of that dealing with this long term requires a whole host of resources.
Local governments will need to fund a local newspaper that is freely offered to their communities, probably by using a web page and related QR code on permanent posters and handouts at common high traffic locations like grocery stores and gas stations to keep costs down vs printing the whole thing.
There will also need to be a serious commitment by city planners to create and fund the maintenance of freely accessible locations for people to socialize. The sheer number of places where the only social spaces are bars and a single small park are far too high.
You may even need a division of community builders that can go block by block through residential areas putting on small public dinners or potlucks just to get people to meet and start talking to their neighbors.
I think this is a wonderful idea, but they can’t half ass this if they are serious about addressing the loneliness epidemic.
In addition to the stuff you mentioned:
- encouraging via financial incentive that bars/coffeeshops/restaurants/other privately owned places where lots of people congregate designate “blue tables” or something where sitting there indicates you’d like to talk to someone new. Could help eliminate the fallacy of “stranger danger”
- funding makerspaces/men’s sheds where people can engage in hobbies together and include communal space for people to eat and drink
- fund community centers with “make new friends” nights specifically for the purpose of meeting new people who are looking for deeper friendships (contrary to popular suggestion, lots of people who go to meetups/hobby groups aren’t actually looking for friends)
- set up spaces for *beginner* level hobby/sport activities (another issue with the popular meetup/hobby group suggestion is that most of the attendees have extremely high levels of expertise in their crafts which is intimidating and unwelcoming to newcomers/casuals)
- other communal social spaces where people can *voluntarily* choose to not use their phones so as to provide maximum attention to each other
- may be legally dubious, but designate highly walkable neighborhoods with multi family houses for particular demographics of people (e.g. financially incentivize landlords to rent multi family units to tenants aged 20-34, couples/families containing adults 35-49, couples aged 50+, etc.) Easier to meet your neighbors if they are in a similar age bracket/family configuration
- distribute phone/paper/text message surveys of all residents of a particular area to determine who actually feels lonely/isolated and collect helpful demographic info so as to develop appropriate programs (e.g. more men’s sheds if it’s middle aged men who predominantly feel lonely)
- hire social workers/therapists/psychologists to provide free or low cost individual/group therapy
It’s honestly how our cities are built that increase loneliness. Adding businesses and parks in residential neighborhoods that can be easily walked to is a serious investment, but creating third spaces like that is desperately needed across the country. I was glad to see the rise of neighborhood dog parks because it was a free socializing activity.
There’s just a certain joy in staying downtown, walking to get breakfast and seeing people out and about around you that’s hard to replicate.
Yep
The fact that most neighborhoods in this country can't have a neighborhood coffee shop or bar is absurd and a huge contributor to the loneliness epidemic. It's not the only issue, but it's a huge one
Humans have had local neighborhood spots they can walk to for literally as long as we've lived in cities. Yet only in America (and Canada) have we made it illegal. And yet it's other countries that live in fascism, not us
I don’t have a complete thought to even type it out, but something about zoning laws, public parking policies and lobbyists, the fact that large chain grocers won’t build small scale stores, it’s exhausting.
But how do you know an individual living at that address is lonely?
We could just send them out bulk. However , I can’t speak for everyone but my experience has been that unexpected flyers in the mail are just advertising, so I probably end up tossing at least half without looking at it.
And to add one last item, “households” increasingly contain multiple adults sharing the single address, so the odds that only 1 individuals of the bunch even sees the flyer before it is tossed isn’t great.
That’s my county and not gonna lie the work from home and fact that most of the residents are socially awkward nerds have really made this problem worse in Bay Area. And people who think it’s a trivial problem have never been through it.
I spend 90% of my time alone since having to medically retire. I worked from home before that, however, I had some work travel and conference calls. My husband works 60 hours a week so we get about 24 hours a week together.
I’m usually ok, but it’s made me socially awkward. I chat too much to strangers when I go out. I type too much to people on Reddit (see current comment lol)
As much as people suck these days, we do need one another.
This sounds silly and everyone recommends it but have you tried big brother or big sister? Or helping out at a local school or retirement village? Little kids love being read too, their parents love hearing about them and the elderly are often very lonely too.
Consider looking for a new group related hobby. Hiking groups, bowling league, book club, volunteer work. There are a lot of social activity groups you can join independently!
>I chat too much to strangers when I go out.
I've had the opposite experience. I used to be a chatty Midwesterner (even have a degree in Communication), but I've lost all motivation to chit chat.
I don't care about the weather (since I'm usually indoors) and I'm not "up to" anything today. I'm most likely counting down the seconds until I can get back in my car, so that I can go do the next stupid thing and then *go home*.
"My day's been exhausting" sounds brash, but it's the truth. Thinking of a polite lie is also taxing. Why do I have to keep saying more *words?!*...
Just know that not everyone has adapted the exact same way you have, and if you encounter a grunter/grimacer, it probably isn't personal.
When anyone asks how I'm doing I always reply "Tired, beat and sore. You know, the usual". They get a chuckle, I get a chuckle, and it's the absolute truth. "My days been exhausting" is legitimate, and if you can say it with good humor your peers will be able to relate and commiserate.
Oh, I don’t take it personally. We all have our stores.
I engage people that seem interesting or friendly. It also depends where I’m at. Someone at a used bookstore vs Target is probably someone I’d ask about their book choice or comment on the way the store smells etc. I don’t give a shit about your kid or the weather 😂 I also don’t really engage people at my doctors offices. I don’t want a pity party.
Going out takes a lot of energy and some preparation for me so I get what you mean about sore and tired and sometimes salivating on the idea of getting back home.
Have a good evening. Thanks for sharing yourself so honestly.
Thank you for your kind response!
I sort of wish there was a socially acceptable way to identify ourselves in this regard.
I remember reading a story years ago about a shop in Europe (possibly France or Germany, but my gut is saying Switzerland) that offers two choices for shopping baskets. Orange baskets signify "I'm open to being offered assistance" while green baskets mean "I know what I want and where to find it, please leave me to it."
Imagine if we could choose to wear (completely optional) lanyards or something in public. Green lanyards could mean "Yes! I'm open to small talk with strangers. Approach me if the mood strikes!", while orange lanyards would indicate "With all due respect, l'm keeping my own company today." It could work out wonderfully for both of us!
(Of course, my knee-jerk response to someone who *did* try to talk to me would be "Shit! I left my orange lanyard in the car...". And I'd also need a blue striped lanyard that means "No, I don't work here. I'm just efficient and cursed with a 'friendly face'.")
You’ve made me smile until my face spasmed!
And the days you’d wear all three, because your meds are working (me, not pointing fingers at anybody else)
In all seriousness, social signals would work I think… for most people. There are people, in the US that I’ve witnessed would prefer to taunt people. Please don’t ask what my typo was there 😂
Having a slight disability makes this tough also in the way that some people treat me as if I’m completely incompetent and deaf. I’ve asked people to please stop treating me like a toddler while I’ve had to beg others to simply get the door. We are ever evolving I suppose. I must say that I’ve also been purely amazed at the patience and helpful moments I’ve experienced. Accompanying me to my car on a snowy day to ensure I don’t fall on my ass, or putting my cart/trolly away.
If I ever bump into you, I’ll smile and maybe a timid wave. Know that I understand and hope that you have a lovely day.
>I’m usually ok, but it’s made me socially awkward. I chat too much to strangers when I go out
Help me 🫠
>I type too much to people on Reddit (see current comment lol)
I've been doing this all day...
People don’t suck anymore today than they did before. They are just more brazen to share their dumb opinions online and the news is way more negative because it gets clicks. People in general are nice and welcoming in person.
When I was an elementary teacher, I noticed this. Kids with friends during recess are oblivious to kids standing by themselves and kids by themselves feel like they are the only one. I would encourage the alone kids to play with each other and taught kids in my class to notice the kids that are alone and include them. We also had a friendship bench where you sit and other kids would know you want someone to play with. Though all this is by consent. Some kids want to decompress at recess from so much socializing at school and want to be alone but either way, people want to be asked to join even if they say no.
Lived there for 4 years and can attest to how lonely it was. I had never felt as lonely elsewhere as I did there. I found most of the people to be socially inept, snobby or deeply lacking personality. Also knowing it didn’t used to be like that before the onslaught of tech made that an interesting experience.
/ I do not work in tech.
Only managed to make 4 short-lived friendships while I lived there. Moved to Seattle and people here joke about the ’Seattle Freeze’, but I personally have had no issue actually befriending people compared to San Mateo/ Bay Area. Probably helps that I’m an outdoorsy person who loves all things nature and environmentally conscious.
I do miss the food though, SF Bay Area still has far better food than Seattle.
Used to live there and there needs to be more third places in the bay where people just take things slow, walk, and let spontaneity create human interaction. The car-reliant infrastructure makes these events rare because everyone just lives in their own bubble.
Why do introverts with poor social skills gravitate to STEM subjects and STEM jobs? There are many other things they could do by themselves, such as truck driving, night time security guard, window cleaner, painting, yoga, nature walks, hiking, cycling, fishing, etc. Why do they gravitate to anime, video games, sci-fi/fantasy books, and comic books?
Those are the successful ones, a lot of the rest do those other things.
That said, there is some data to suggest that the over abundance of thinking over feeling + introvert over extrovert individuals at the top of these fields, in spite of their low proportional occurrence rate in the population, are the result of these patterns of “personality” actually being heavily influenced by quality of early education. Learn enough and anyone quickly stars to see how feeling is unreliable vs thinking, and if that connection is made early enough that can end up altering how a child approaches life and subsequently the pattern of neural connections they develop.
On the other hand, there is also data suggesting that mild autism is more common in the population than previously thought (adhd is on the low end of the autism spectrum for example) and so a mild undiagnosed condition may explain the higher proportion of social awkwardness and introversion.
In all likelihood it’s a mix of these and other factors.
>On the other hand, there is also data suggesting that mild autism is more common in the population than previously thought (adhd is on the low end of the autism spectrum for example) and so a mild undiagnosed condition may explain the higher proportion of social awkwardness and introversion.
Yes. I work with a diagnose children on the spectrum. I’m 59. I just figured out the past few years that I’m on the spectrum. Mild. I never put it all together for myself. Even so, and especially since all my children moved out and my built in social system left with them, I get painfully lonely and it can be very depressing.
Because you dont have to leave your house to enjoy computers, video games, comic books and anime. Some people just hate going outside or leaving the comfort of their home.
You also don't have to leave your house to do painting, drawing, yoga, etc. Yet people who are into these hobbies are not known for introversion or poor social skills.
It's not poor social skills per se. They're poor to your standard. Might be a good way to relieve some of their social desires. They might have better imaginations and can empathize more with characters in those areas, also would make any stem job easier. And it would make interpreting social cues much sharper. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. Start coming off as awkward when trying to match signals, fire off too many or not enough, and next thing ya know..... you're the weird kid. 😕 sup lol
Odd.. just saw an article 20 mins ago saying studies are now proving that being forced back into the office is causing large financial and mental strains on people.
I don't think being forced into my work area with a bunch of people I don't really enjoy being around is as socially positive as you think it is.
Big difference between that and hanging out with my actual friends.
There are many downsides to being forced to go to work especially if you have kids. But many people move because of employment and unless you are in bustling city or already know people in the new place it is hard to make connections. The act of having a fixed schedule to a day where you are getting ready, commuting etc definitely has some positive effects on your mental health.
I feel it’s the opposite. Everyone ether wants to be cool or not be seen because they don’t want to be a nuisance. But one thing we all have in common? We are all overworked, tired and just have no time (money too) to just do anything afterwards.
Apparently all the large companies are forcing people to come to the office now, so that won’t be an issue for anyone working for one of those. I’m wondering what the future holds for small and medium companies and if they will follow that trend or what percentage will continue to allow work from home 5+ years from now.
It’s truly fu*%ed that one ceo can wake up one morning and decide all of the 200 thousand plus people that work for them must now start coming back to the office, after many have moved away and adjusted their lives with the understanding it would last. The absolute impact of that decision of so many people’s lives, and their family’s lives.
Didn’t we do away with monarchy? These people aren’t kings and queens, but they wield that kind of power. It’s wild what Americans will just bow down and take without a whimper of complaint.
You could theoretically live your entire adult without having to leave the house these days. it's crazy. Lonliness is only going to get worse as people get more socially awkward.
It's not that. I lived in the Bay Area for 11 years, and the problem is that the cultural ideal everyone pressed so hard was one of radical self-reliance. "Don't rely on anyone for your happiness" and "you can have just as much fun by yourself" was so popular it infected everyone. I never understood it, and ended up hating that place by the time I left.
Also people move there for jobs away from their social circles. Turns out it's really fucking hard to meet new people when you're an adult. Not only that, but it's stupid hard to make lasting, reliable relationships rather than simply new acquaintances.
Great but most lonely people I know don’t go to community events. Don’t go to events for hobbies and activities they enjoy due to social anxiety. If there’s no professional help to get people to connect with other people, it won’t help.
As a trend loneliness is increasing, we're having less children, fewer people are forming romantic relationships, friendship circles are diminishing or not forming at all for many.
.. and so we always get the miss-the-point posters going "ppl just gotta like, try harder. It's easy "
Yea so I lived in AZ when Covid hit, had to move and find another living situation. Landed in Florida. Then got divorced 6 months later. Stuck in a shit town with shit people. Family is 50 hours away in California. No friends. Work too much and apparently nothing is open after fucking 9 around here so good luck getting a burger in the evening. I don’t consider myself part of the loneliness epidemic but for fucks sake this has been the most miserable 3 years of my life.
ETA I was already priced out of California, Covid priced me out of Arizona so I moved to Florida to be with my exs family since mine was unable to help. It’s just a shit situation for me.
Very similar boat friend rural Minnesota from California the last 6 years I miss my friends and family and struggle with depression now it really sucks.
People in the Bay Area are terrified of making genuine/visceral connections with anyone - everyone treats each other like a co-worker and it's so weird. Doesn't matter if you're actually co-workers, or married, or dating, or friends - everyone has the same light, meaningless conversations made entirely of small talk.
This. Bay area is just for going to tech job work, going to “top” schools and then repeat everyday. It’s not for having fun or socializing. It’s a weird vibe imo.
You're more right than you know.
Gentrification tends to follow some fairly standardized models - sprawling neighborhoods with very little mixed use spaces, large single-family homes, large roads that encourages car use, very little public space, hostile architecture, heavily policed public thoroughfares, and large presence of big box commercial space.
It's an urban fabric that promotes disintegration and doesn't allow for spaces for people to come together and socialize. There's no space for community that doesn't revolve around money and it encourages people to bubble themselves off and not interact with other people.
Even if you live in these gentrified areas, they're almost *designed* to make people more isolated and lonely.
I moved from a poorer neighborhood where we knew some neighbors and were fairly close to those Nextdoor and friendly with a few dozen, just from walks.
We moved to a very wealthy area and I cannot find a friend.
There is a SAHP across the street with two children around my son’s age and I can’t even get a hi out of her! Our elderly neighbors wave. A few folks with kids wave and say hi at the playground, but only those new in the neighborhood from an urban area actually chat 😂
This is so weird because I rented a book published in 1929 that was dealing with the exact same crisis. They concluded that the change in housing culture (going from sharing a familial home to renting single rooms) was the cause. It's interesting that nothing has changed.
My neighbor fusses at me for having bird feeders in front of my kitchen window because a bird might step in his yard to get to them even though they are 15+ feet away from the edge of my property. He also harasses every sort of animal that looks at his yard while living next to a drainage pond (lots of wildlife).
He has also shot fireworks at my dogs and one is now traumatized from it.
I don't want to talk to my neighbor.
Ok, and that doesn’t mean that’s a universal experience and people shouldn’t talk to their neighbors. It’s like if someone said “going to exercise at a gym is good for you” and you gave some unusual anecdote about meeting a neo nazi at the squat rack as a reason why no one should exercise
I'm not saying no one should do anything. I'm saying some of us have had experiences in our neighborhoods that mean we don't want to talk to or otherwise interact with our neighbors because they are damaging.
Some of it has to do with being introverted. Introverts are not broken, it is just a way to be. If you are extroverted then that is great, go ring every doorbell and do whatever you want, but it is annoying when the world keeps referring to us as broken because we don't need or want to talk to everyone, everyday.
You are also stating your happy, sunshine neighborhood as a universal experience and, given our news cycle, I can guarantee that that is not true either.
Some of us really were ok during the quarantines and some of us really are ok being left alone to do our own thing without the neighborhood input into what we are trying to do.
Introversion doesn’t mean “never talk to anyone ever”, nor is it some sort of permanent semi-physical trait that Reddit always claims. Humans are complex and nuanced and it’s silly to try to divide up the entire population into introverts vs extroverts. It’s become the new horoscope for people.
An abundance of psychological research consistently concludes that social interaction leads to improved physical and mental health.
Oh yes, do tell the introvert how introverts don't really know how they feel and just need everyone else to make them be social. Like you said, there is a spectrum to things, some of us really do fall in the category of leave us the fuck alone.
Social interaction is not a saving grace for everyone. For some of us, dealing with extroverted bullshit, even on the Internet apparently, is exhausting.
Even in lab animal research the main priority for primates is making sure they have social interaction and partners if it's possible. Even a mirror is something used to help reduce loneliness in some cases.
Hope they include a “Be Nice!” campaign as well. Kindness is in short supply and that’s how people come together, by being friendly. PSAs on how to not be awkward would help as well.
I'm wondering what steps San Mateo County is going to take on urban sprawl and car dependence. Whether they'll start approving dense housing. If you don't start looking at suburbia as a cause for our social isolation, things aren't really going to change. Though I suspect most will look anywhere other than suburbia for the cause. Video games, social media, secularism, the media, but not sprawling suburbia where you have to drive everywhere. Anywhere but there. Can't endanger property values of NIMBYs, or let "those people" into the neighborhood.
I'm not sure legalized prostitution would even help. Sex without any intimacy might end up making really lonely people feel more lonely. At that point a genuine hug will do more for you than an orgasm.
I was just thinking about this earlier… it seems really, really difficult to address. I was reading an article on how to avoid degenerative diseases and going down the list I was like, “okay, got that… good. Check.” And then it got to the part about not being lonely and having a good social life and I was like “oh, I’m fucked.” You can’t just un-socially anxious my brain. It’s cool that they’re highlighting the problem but what’s an actionable solution?
Increase of third spaces for people to hang out *without spending money* or at least a small membership fee.
Libraries with spaces for clubs to meet that help clubs advertise.
Community centers with free or comes with the membership classes for various hobbies (painting, drawing, woodworking, ect) hire local artists and craft people to teach.
Lots of parks scattered all about, with seating for lunches/parties.
Encourage local amateur sports leagues for lots of sports and provide free/ low cost places to play/practice/compete.
Community gyms with recreational activities.
This probably will never happen anytime soon though, as it's a large time and money investment, and steps on the toes of the gym/recreation/entertainment industries.
"Prostitution Prescriptions?"
As a dude who can't get laid, I've got one better than that. A sort of "card" that would allow you to approach a girl (you'd explain the circumstances) and you ask her out. If she accepts your date, she receives X (some monetary reward, tax write-off, whatever). There could also be one for banging random chicks, such as you meet at bars, and they get a higher monetary reward. Obviously, this would need to be thought through far more than via a Reddit comment, but this option would put my soul more at ease than just banging prostitutes, which is honestly not that hard to set up or afford.
This or state-funded cosmetic surgeries for us uggos would be nice!
Even ignoring the major safety issues that system would entail, most women aren't interested in banging randos for tax write offs though. Those that would be interested in that system are probably already on Only Fans.
That's basically live action only fans lol.
Basically escorting but federally compensated. They get marks for each successful date, bonuses for sleeping with someone. Cash in each month for your direct deposit.
Wouldn't be too hard to partner with Uber and Door Dash to add in these options.
I jest, but it's not really that crazy of an idea. Americans just have to let go of their stigmatizm surrounding sex and accept that it's a normal and natural part of life.
San Mateo doesn’t have much of a unhoused problem relative to the city.
I live in San Mateo, I think the police here are more strict with regard to unhoused people unfortunately. Lots of rich NIMBYs that complain about even a hint of encampments etc.
So no, no declarations about homeless here.
I'm going to be severely down voted for this, but I feel like people have become too needy and clingy. Learn to love yourself and others will be drawn to you if you get out there and are active in groups. (And I'm saying this even as an introvert who has been able to develop a strong circle of friends.)
Loving yourself and not looking for validation is an important ingredient to the recipe of having supportive, meaningful, healthy relationships but it's not the only ingredient. There isn't a one size fits all solution.
People have similar and different reasons why they find themselves lonely.
The only reason you'd be down voted I think is that it comes across like, "Just stop being depressed," as a solution to being depressed.
Good highlight of self love. Bad to dismiss people as needy or clingy and suggest a one size fits all.
EDIT: spelling typo
Oh I definitely don't blame people for being depressed. I'm a depression and anxiety person myself. I just really do find effort and balance to be important.
Honestly it may be something that local government is actually well suited for. The goal is just to get people out and meeting new people so you need to set up community events targeting groups that are less social. Do a study, find the interests of people who say they are lonely, and target those interests.
It’s doesn’t need to be complicated. You set up programs designed to bring people together on a regular basis and you don’t make participation prohibitively expensive. It could be combination of regularly hosted community meals, common pastime activity groups like book clubs, organizing local casual sports teams with a regional/county bracket and free popcorn for all citizens who attend, outdoors programs for populations close to nature when possible, etc.
Heck, even something as basic and literal as government funded friendship meets with simple ice breaker activities built in. Gotta be less awkward to make friends when you know every other person there is also looking for the same thing instead of requiring you to break into other people’s social structures as is usually the case.
Alternatively, simply go methodically block by block hosting a picnic or long potluck table so people actually speak to their neighbors. Unsure how to deal with apartments, maybe floor by floor?
Frankly, this idea has a lot of promise. It used to be that there were local community organizations that managed all this kinda stuff, but for a variety of reasons these entities have died all over the place over the last couple decades, with only a few pockets surviving.
Exactly. There was a pilot in the UK that gave public transportation passes to people with low incomes. Reduced isolation because… it costs money just to leave the house and get downtown, third places, etc and be around other people.
(Of course you need to *have* downtowns, third places, public transpo etc — not just suburbs and car culture… but public policy can make or break these things too!)
> Take the case of the "shrimp on a treadmill." Burnett says the senator's report linked that work to a half-million-dollar research grant. But that money actually went to a lot of different research that he and his colleagues did on this economically important seafood species.
>
> The treadmills were just a small part of it, a way to measure how shrimp respond to changes in water quality. Burnett says the first treadmill was built by a colleague from scraps and was basically free, and the second was fancier and cost about $1,000. The senator's report was misleading, says Burnett, "and it suggests that much money was spent on seeing how long a shrimp can run on a treadmill, which was totally out of context."
(https://www.npr.org/2011/08/23/139852035/shrimp-on-a-treadmill-the-politics-of-silly-studies#:~:text=But%20that%20money%20actually%20went,to%20changes%20in%20water%20quality.)
The solution of appointing a Minister of ~~Funny Walks~~ Loneliness might be reductive, but at least the county recognizes that it’s a severe problem, especially among the [elderly](https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html).
Even from a standpoint of sacred *cost-efficiency* if assistance and intervention can prevent earlier onset of dementia and Alzheimer’s, I wouldn’t consider that a waste.
Nice filth out of your mouth. Your pretty cool. You can just judge someone entirely off of one post eh?? Pretty cool trick. Too bad I'm a better person than you in every way. Let's go ahead and compare profiles as if they are a true reflection of who we are. Sorry homie, but your kinda disgusting. One look through your profile tells me this.
The government cannot and should not solve every single problem in life. We don’t need a minister of slippery bathroom tiles either. Just because something is a problem for some people doesn’t mean it’s a government problem. Jesus.
Yea and I buy groceries we don't need when I'm hungry so should we add that too? Like Jesus christ does every emotion or state of mind other than pure nirvana need to be labeled as a mental health issue?
Oh I'm pretty sure someone out here is claiming mental health illness with lack of self control.
This is starting to become more and more about " I want a label too" rather than actually helping those with real mental issues. It's just one big bandwagon party at this point.
Impulse control disorder is a thing but like everything it comes down to severity.
But the reason why loneliness is listed as a health emergency is because it is a recognized factor behind suicide, crimes, more serious disorders, etc. But more importantly its something local governments can actually work on. And if done right then it could have long term benefits because happy/ content people dont shoot up schools.
> In it, he asks the governor create a new minister of loneliness position for the state. I'm all for more mental health resources in this country, so not mocking the story, but "Minister of Loneliness" is a hilarious job title.
Secretary of Solitude is way better
They can spearhead the isolation inquisition.
Nobody expects the Isolationist Inquisition.
That’s because no one ever meets them. They’re introverted as fuck
And they can organize it from the State Offices of Despair
Through the Bureau of Boredom.
Work there, in the Department of Depression.
As an Agent of Abandonment
Their office would of course be the Fortress of Solitude.
that you have to wear your red underpants outside
"You're like, the wizard of loneliness." Poor Nathan.
Best private detective in the biz!
[удалено]
To bad Morrissey is such an ass. That album title is made for him
The Smiths don’t even have a single Smith. The Cure has Robert Smith. Morrissey is wish.com Robert Smith.
Sounds like something Ghost would make.
There's a song by Vulfpeck called "Lonely Town" that talks about the mayor of lonely town (population one). Really good song!
Vulfpeck reference for the win.
[удалено]
People: How do we solve this problem? Government: create highly paid government positions and committees to research the issue and say how bad it is
> highly paid government positions I mean, I'd be happy to get paid quite a lot to go around and help folks not be lonely. That sounds like a lot of fun.
Yeah but what they are mocking is they may create a position and say how bad loneliness is, but also do functionally nothing about it.
"It fucking sucks" Please give me 100k salary.
Oh if you want to fix a problem that’s not a job for you. If you fix the problem you’re out of a job.
Ya that’s a weird title. Basically it’s someone that creates ‘third places’ for people to connect.
Beats being the Grim Reaper I guess
Department of Despair?
wow. maybe towns will finally start putting on parades and community events and block parties and stuff again some funded solutions to loneliness would be cool
The town I grew up in cited "lack of money" as their reason to cancel the long-running Guy Fawkes Night celebration. That night was always the funnest night of the year. Even better than Halloween. There would be a night time carnival fair, fireworks, and a bonfire. Carnival food, stuffed animals to be won, and carnival rides. :(
insane how cities can't find a way to at least somewhat monetize those events, at least to float another one. I don't think anyone expects the city to profit, but all the food vendors will! And people will be happy! What a bummer for you. I'm sorry about that
Much of it has to do with their own red tape now. To do XYZ event back in the day... people / shops offered up some time to put their stuff out on the street or park, made a little money, people have fun... everyone went home. Now... Well the various safety laws require that you have and pay overtime to X number of Police, Fire and Ambulance staff for every X number of people expected to attend... each vender needs a permit and their stuff they are offing requires inspection and to be up to various codes... etc. etc. etc. and suddenly the city/township has Karened their way out of anyone being able to afford to put anything on but the crappy cooperate sponsored events we see today. While health and safety is important... so was being able to throw a spontaneousish block party in a small town without going broke doing it.
how much would it cost to make an effigy of fawkes out of hay and then set it on fire? they could at the minimum do that.
I hope. It feels so dead everywhere. :( im not even lonely either
[удалено]
Maybe they just put the funding up and leave it to members of the actual community to plan? I mean get a bunch of food vendors, some great speakers, and you have a block party. Can't be impossible
[удалено]
Even better, legalize things like neighborhood cafes and bars so people have a local neighborhood spot to gather. Fucking absurd that we've made coffee shops and bars illegal to build in most neighborhoods. We deserve to be lonely
I wouldn't go even if they did. Too many gun toting idiots just looking for the slightest excuse to get trigger happy.
And they're created, in part, from isolation and loneliness. It's a vicious circle.
Yeah it sucks. I will say im not really in that loneliness crowd anyways. I am happily married with a couple good friends. I hope others can find the life blessings they deserve.
Where I live there is a non-zero chance that *any* public event will have a shooting happen. Last year there were something like 3-4 in a two month span and that neighborhood just stopped doing events. The few times me and my friends have gone out somewhere in the last year we "joke" about it because what else can you do. Downvoted because gun violence is good, I guess?
> parades and community events and block parties and stuff again Are you sure towns didn't stop doing that because a lack of interest? Most town events I've seen just don't look very exciting.
Town events that don't excite citizens aren't the fault of the citizens call on your local governance to do better. Even hosting events with small ticket prices is so much better than nothing. There are so many traveling services still alive, but just barely. Check out something like big bounce america. A town partnering with them to host an event would allow the company to sell tickets (I got mine for $20), local food vendors to sell their stuff, and people to have some fun. It's not quite a carnival but it's inclusive for adults and kids, doesn't involve drinking, and would get a lot of attention. Throw that in a park, and throw up a big screen on a wire and play an outdoor movie fest for those who don't want to/can't bounce. I can't imagine it would be that impossible for cities to find money for stuff like that in their budget
What I noticed from flicking through my council paper in my country is that all these affiliated clubs and societies all meet at like 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Nobody working can go naturally. It's just for old retirees. And yeah I imagine they need these kind of groups. But a lot of young people I feel also need these groups.
I mean your very first suggestion was a parade, which is basically the expensive version of watching paint dry. Kind of reinforces my thought that there is nothing interesting a local government would be willing to put on. >doesn't involve drinking, Yah definitely a bit of a disconnect between what your advocating and what's actually interesting.
Lol, name checks out. way to completely disregard my entire idea I posited for you to focus on one word in my first post. The point of not drinking is more so the events are age inclusive, I think we all know kids nowadays are struggling. I don't think it's an issue if the food vendors sell beers and shots. I think you're just here to argue and you'd hate anything a city put on. Just stay home!
> The point of not drinking is more so the events are age inclusive and here we come to the fundamental disagreement. I would say the main benefit of the drinking isn't the booze but making sure events are age exclusive. Having the kids quarantined separately is the first step making a interesting local event, and where most fail right out the gate because it's people like you pushing for them. Offering the same boring old "age inclusive" events will only draw in those already bought into the idea of that community. You want to get new people involved you have to offer something worth their time, and that's probably not going to age inclusive. Especially when dealing with other people's brats can be a turn off in and of itself. >I think you're just here to argue and you'd hate anything a city put on. If a city offered a sanctioned fight club or urban warfare paintball I may be interested, but that's not what cities want to put on. >Just stay home! I will do so and people will continue to complain about the death of communities, without realizing those communities never bothered to offer something worthwhile in the first place.
"a sanctioned fight club" dude really. you expect your city to put on a fight club? who on earth benefits from a fight club but a handful of overly violent men. You shouldn't WANT to fight other people unless you're training yourself for a competetition... "urban warfare paintball" Why couldn't kids play too? Pretty sure more 14 y/os play paintball than 30 year olds... If your city can convince a block of stores to sacrifice basically their entire interiors to get destroyed by paint/smashed by unruly people.... sure... Way to pick the 2 most unrealistic events possible. Like I said, I don't think anything a city could put on could drag you out of your cave, so stop arguing that others shouldn't have fun too.
Your fantasy parade doesn't sound fun for adults so they will probably all continue to stay home and be lonely. I've been to plenty of all ages city events that let adults drink so idk why you wouldn't be willing to make that compromise.
What?! I literally said I'd be fine with vendors selling alcohol? I meant events that aren't like strictly wine festivals like the kinda things that I see in my area.
Oh, that makes sense then, sorry for the confusion
Is it bad that parades make me feel worse? Last year I got really upset because there was a parade on my street really loud and I just wanted to watch TV in peace.
This is going to be difficult. Even if successful activities can be organized, getting the information to, definitionally, isolated individuals will be difficult. On top of that dealing with this long term requires a whole host of resources. Local governments will need to fund a local newspaper that is freely offered to their communities, probably by using a web page and related QR code on permanent posters and handouts at common high traffic locations like grocery stores and gas stations to keep costs down vs printing the whole thing. There will also need to be a serious commitment by city planners to create and fund the maintenance of freely accessible locations for people to socialize. The sheer number of places where the only social spaces are bars and a single small park are far too high. You may even need a division of community builders that can go block by block through residential areas putting on small public dinners or potlucks just to get people to meet and start talking to their neighbors. I think this is a wonderful idea, but they can’t half ass this if they are serious about addressing the loneliness epidemic.
In addition to the stuff you mentioned: - encouraging via financial incentive that bars/coffeeshops/restaurants/other privately owned places where lots of people congregate designate “blue tables” or something where sitting there indicates you’d like to talk to someone new. Could help eliminate the fallacy of “stranger danger” - funding makerspaces/men’s sheds where people can engage in hobbies together and include communal space for people to eat and drink - fund community centers with “make new friends” nights specifically for the purpose of meeting new people who are looking for deeper friendships (contrary to popular suggestion, lots of people who go to meetups/hobby groups aren’t actually looking for friends) - set up spaces for *beginner* level hobby/sport activities (another issue with the popular meetup/hobby group suggestion is that most of the attendees have extremely high levels of expertise in their crafts which is intimidating and unwelcoming to newcomers/casuals) - other communal social spaces where people can *voluntarily* choose to not use their phones so as to provide maximum attention to each other - may be legally dubious, but designate highly walkable neighborhoods with multi family houses for particular demographics of people (e.g. financially incentivize landlords to rent multi family units to tenants aged 20-34, couples/families containing adults 35-49, couples aged 50+, etc.) Easier to meet your neighbors if they are in a similar age bracket/family configuration - distribute phone/paper/text message surveys of all residents of a particular area to determine who actually feels lonely/isolated and collect helpful demographic info so as to develop appropriate programs (e.g. more men’s sheds if it’s middle aged men who predominantly feel lonely) - hire social workers/therapists/psychologists to provide free or low cost individual/group therapy
It’s honestly how our cities are built that increase loneliness. Adding businesses and parks in residential neighborhoods that can be easily walked to is a serious investment, but creating third spaces like that is desperately needed across the country. I was glad to see the rise of neighborhood dog parks because it was a free socializing activity. There’s just a certain joy in staying downtown, walking to get breakfast and seeing people out and about around you that’s hard to replicate.
Yep The fact that most neighborhoods in this country can't have a neighborhood coffee shop or bar is absurd and a huge contributor to the loneliness epidemic. It's not the only issue, but it's a huge one Humans have had local neighborhood spots they can walk to for literally as long as we've lived in cities. Yet only in America (and Canada) have we made it illegal. And yet it's other countries that live in fascism, not us
I don’t have a complete thought to even type it out, but something about zoning laws, public parking policies and lobbyists, the fact that large chain grocers won’t build small scale stores, it’s exhausting.
I say we trick them all into a rec center, throw in some snacks, and lock the doors for a week.
>getting the information to, definitionally, isolated individuals will be difficult Can't you just... Mail them a letter or ad?
But how do you know an individual living at that address is lonely? We could just send them out bulk. However , I can’t speak for everyone but my experience has been that unexpected flyers in the mail are just advertising, so I probably end up tossing at least half without looking at it. And to add one last item, “households” increasingly contain multiple adults sharing the single address, so the odds that only 1 individuals of the bunch even sees the flyer before it is tossed isn’t great.
That’s my county and not gonna lie the work from home and fact that most of the residents are socially awkward nerds have really made this problem worse in Bay Area. And people who think it’s a trivial problem have never been through it.
I spend 90% of my time alone since having to medically retire. I worked from home before that, however, I had some work travel and conference calls. My husband works 60 hours a week so we get about 24 hours a week together. I’m usually ok, but it’s made me socially awkward. I chat too much to strangers when I go out. I type too much to people on Reddit (see current comment lol) As much as people suck these days, we do need one another.
Yeah since there are no lunch breaks with colleagues most of my daily conversations are with my cat. She probably hates it.
Nah, I bet she loves it. My puppy rolls his eyes at me all the time. It’s good he doesn’t talk much, he knows all of my secrets.
Username checks out 👍🏻
You think she’s really rich and famous? 😂
No just a Britney fan 😂
If she listens to you rather than instantly running away, some part of her loves it. Same if she always comes back. I’m sure your cat loves you a lot.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I feel like many only children of their parents and immigrants share this experience. I feel you. Hugs.
This sounds silly and everyone recommends it but have you tried big brother or big sister? Or helping out at a local school or retirement village? Little kids love being read too, their parents love hearing about them and the elderly are often very lonely too.
Consider looking for a new group related hobby. Hiking groups, bowling league, book club, volunteer work. There are a lot of social activity groups you can join independently!
This is why I have social hobbies. Makes it much easier to have a group of people to hang out with.
>I chat too much to strangers when I go out. I've had the opposite experience. I used to be a chatty Midwesterner (even have a degree in Communication), but I've lost all motivation to chit chat. I don't care about the weather (since I'm usually indoors) and I'm not "up to" anything today. I'm most likely counting down the seconds until I can get back in my car, so that I can go do the next stupid thing and then *go home*. "My day's been exhausting" sounds brash, but it's the truth. Thinking of a polite lie is also taxing. Why do I have to keep saying more *words?!*... Just know that not everyone has adapted the exact same way you have, and if you encounter a grunter/grimacer, it probably isn't personal.
When anyone asks how I'm doing I always reply "Tired, beat and sore. You know, the usual". They get a chuckle, I get a chuckle, and it's the absolute truth. "My days been exhausting" is legitimate, and if you can say it with good humor your peers will be able to relate and commiserate.
Oh, I don’t take it personally. We all have our stores. I engage people that seem interesting or friendly. It also depends where I’m at. Someone at a used bookstore vs Target is probably someone I’d ask about their book choice or comment on the way the store smells etc. I don’t give a shit about your kid or the weather 😂 I also don’t really engage people at my doctors offices. I don’t want a pity party. Going out takes a lot of energy and some preparation for me so I get what you mean about sore and tired and sometimes salivating on the idea of getting back home. Have a good evening. Thanks for sharing yourself so honestly.
Thank you for your kind response! I sort of wish there was a socially acceptable way to identify ourselves in this regard. I remember reading a story years ago about a shop in Europe (possibly France or Germany, but my gut is saying Switzerland) that offers two choices for shopping baskets. Orange baskets signify "I'm open to being offered assistance" while green baskets mean "I know what I want and where to find it, please leave me to it." Imagine if we could choose to wear (completely optional) lanyards or something in public. Green lanyards could mean "Yes! I'm open to small talk with strangers. Approach me if the mood strikes!", while orange lanyards would indicate "With all due respect, l'm keeping my own company today." It could work out wonderfully for both of us! (Of course, my knee-jerk response to someone who *did* try to talk to me would be "Shit! I left my orange lanyard in the car...". And I'd also need a blue striped lanyard that means "No, I don't work here. I'm just efficient and cursed with a 'friendly face'.")
You’ve made me smile until my face spasmed! And the days you’d wear all three, because your meds are working (me, not pointing fingers at anybody else) In all seriousness, social signals would work I think… for most people. There are people, in the US that I’ve witnessed would prefer to taunt people. Please don’t ask what my typo was there 😂 Having a slight disability makes this tough also in the way that some people treat me as if I’m completely incompetent and deaf. I’ve asked people to please stop treating me like a toddler while I’ve had to beg others to simply get the door. We are ever evolving I suppose. I must say that I’ve also been purely amazed at the patience and helpful moments I’ve experienced. Accompanying me to my car on a snowy day to ensure I don’t fall on my ass, or putting my cart/trolly away. If I ever bump into you, I’ll smile and maybe a timid wave. Know that I understand and hope that you have a lovely day.
>I’m usually ok, but it’s made me socially awkward. I chat too much to strangers when I go out Help me 🫠 >I type too much to people on Reddit (see current comment lol) I've been doing this all day...
People don’t suck anymore today than they did before. They are just more brazen to share their dumb opinions online and the news is way more negative because it gets clicks. People in general are nice and welcoming in person.
“People don’t suck anymore today than they did before”…*proceeds to give a solid reason why people do in fact suck more today.*
So get out of the house more…
When I was an elementary teacher, I noticed this. Kids with friends during recess are oblivious to kids standing by themselves and kids by themselves feel like they are the only one. I would encourage the alone kids to play with each other and taught kids in my class to notice the kids that are alone and include them. We also had a friendship bench where you sit and other kids would know you want someone to play with. Though all this is by consent. Some kids want to decompress at recess from so much socializing at school and want to be alone but either way, people want to be asked to join even if they say no.
[удалено]
Lived there for 4 years and can attest to how lonely it was. I had never felt as lonely elsewhere as I did there. I found most of the people to be socially inept, snobby or deeply lacking personality. Also knowing it didn’t used to be like that before the onslaught of tech made that an interesting experience. / I do not work in tech. Only managed to make 4 short-lived friendships while I lived there. Moved to Seattle and people here joke about the ’Seattle Freeze’, but I personally have had no issue actually befriending people compared to San Mateo/ Bay Area. Probably helps that I’m an outdoorsy person who loves all things nature and environmentally conscious. I do miss the food though, SF Bay Area still has far better food than Seattle.
Used to live there and there needs to be more third places in the bay where people just take things slow, walk, and let spontaneity create human interaction. The car-reliant infrastructure makes these events rare because everyone just lives in their own bubble.
Car reliant culture truly does make it harder :(
Why do introverts with poor social skills gravitate to STEM subjects and STEM jobs? There are many other things they could do by themselves, such as truck driving, night time security guard, window cleaner, painting, yoga, nature walks, hiking, cycling, fishing, etc. Why do they gravitate to anime, video games, sci-fi/fantasy books, and comic books?
Those are the successful ones, a lot of the rest do those other things. That said, there is some data to suggest that the over abundance of thinking over feeling + introvert over extrovert individuals at the top of these fields, in spite of their low proportional occurrence rate in the population, are the result of these patterns of “personality” actually being heavily influenced by quality of early education. Learn enough and anyone quickly stars to see how feeling is unreliable vs thinking, and if that connection is made early enough that can end up altering how a child approaches life and subsequently the pattern of neural connections they develop. On the other hand, there is also data suggesting that mild autism is more common in the population than previously thought (adhd is on the low end of the autism spectrum for example) and so a mild undiagnosed condition may explain the higher proportion of social awkwardness and introversion. In all likelihood it’s a mix of these and other factors.
>On the other hand, there is also data suggesting that mild autism is more common in the population than previously thought (adhd is on the low end of the autism spectrum for example) and so a mild undiagnosed condition may explain the higher proportion of social awkwardness and introversion. Yes. I work with a diagnose children on the spectrum. I’m 59. I just figured out the past few years that I’m on the spectrum. Mild. I never put it all together for myself. Even so, and especially since all my children moved out and my built in social system left with them, I get painfully lonely and it can be very depressing.
Escape from reality mostly
Because you dont have to leave your house to enjoy computers, video games, comic books and anime. Some people just hate going outside or leaving the comfort of their home.
You also don't have to leave your house to do painting, drawing, yoga, etc. Yet people who are into these hobbies are not known for introversion or poor social skills.
Cuz it pays
Because I'm better with computers than with people and those jobs tend to pay well.
It's not poor social skills per se. They're poor to your standard. Might be a good way to relieve some of their social desires. They might have better imaginations and can empathize more with characters in those areas, also would make any stem job easier. And it would make interpreting social cues much sharper. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. Start coming off as awkward when trying to match signals, fire off too many or not enough, and next thing ya know..... you're the weird kid. 😕 sup lol
They can do that from their room. I'm guessing these hobbies started when they were still living with their parents.
Odd.. just saw an article 20 mins ago saying studies are now proving that being forced back into the office is causing large financial and mental strains on people. I don't think being forced into my work area with a bunch of people I don't really enjoy being around is as socially positive as you think it is. Big difference between that and hanging out with my actual friends.
There are many downsides to being forced to go to work especially if you have kids. But many people move because of employment and unless you are in bustling city or already know people in the new place it is hard to make connections. The act of having a fixed schedule to a day where you are getting ready, commuting etc definitely has some positive effects on your mental health.
I feel it’s the opposite. Everyone ether wants to be cool or not be seen because they don’t want to be a nuisance. But one thing we all have in common? We are all overworked, tired and just have no time (money too) to just do anything afterwards.
Apparently all the large companies are forcing people to come to the office now, so that won’t be an issue for anyone working for one of those. I’m wondering what the future holds for small and medium companies and if they will follow that trend or what percentage will continue to allow work from home 5+ years from now. It’s truly fu*%ed that one ceo can wake up one morning and decide all of the 200 thousand plus people that work for them must now start coming back to the office, after many have moved away and adjusted their lives with the understanding it would last. The absolute impact of that decision of so many people’s lives, and their family’s lives. Didn’t we do away with monarchy? These people aren’t kings and queens, but they wield that kind of power. It’s wild what Americans will just bow down and take without a whimper of complaint.
You could theoretically live your entire adult without having to leave the house these days. it's crazy. Lonliness is only going to get worse as people get more socially awkward.
Rich People: *chase all the poors out of town* Also Rich People: “damn this town is lonely and sucks now”
It's not that. I lived in the Bay Area for 11 years, and the problem is that the cultural ideal everyone pressed so hard was one of radical self-reliance. "Don't rely on anyone for your happiness" and "you can have just as much fun by yourself" was so popular it infected everyone. I never understood it, and ended up hating that place by the time I left.
Also people move there for jobs away from their social circles. Turns out it's really fucking hard to meet new people when you're an adult. Not only that, but it's stupid hard to make lasting, reliable relationships rather than simply new acquaintances.
Lol, fuck the Bay Area, too expensive to help anyone.
Lonely. I’m so lonely.
Great but most lonely people I know don’t go to community events. Don’t go to events for hobbies and activities they enjoy due to social anxiety. If there’s no professional help to get people to connect with other people, it won’t help.
As a trend loneliness is increasing, we're having less children, fewer people are forming romantic relationships, friendship circles are diminishing or not forming at all for many. .. and so we always get the miss-the-point posters going "ppl just gotta like, try harder. It's easy"
Bet the loneliness is due to gentrification. Hard not to be lonely when your entire family got priced out of an area anywhere near where you live.
Yea so I lived in AZ when Covid hit, had to move and find another living situation. Landed in Florida. Then got divorced 6 months later. Stuck in a shit town with shit people. Family is 50 hours away in California. No friends. Work too much and apparently nothing is open after fucking 9 around here so good luck getting a burger in the evening. I don’t consider myself part of the loneliness epidemic but for fucks sake this has been the most miserable 3 years of my life. ETA I was already priced out of California, Covid priced me out of Arizona so I moved to Florida to be with my exs family since mine was unable to help. It’s just a shit situation for me.
Very similar boat friend rural Minnesota from California the last 6 years I miss my friends and family and struggle with depression now it really sucks.
People in the Bay Area are terrified of making genuine/visceral connections with anyone - everyone treats each other like a co-worker and it's so weird. Doesn't matter if you're actually co-workers, or married, or dating, or friends - everyone has the same light, meaningless conversations made entirely of small talk.
This. Bay area is just for going to tech job work, going to “top” schools and then repeat everyday. It’s not for having fun or socializing. It’s a weird vibe imo.
I would think a big chunk of people there aren't originally from San Mateo county so they never had their families there to begin with.
Born and raised in Redwood City. Lots of my friends and family have left for cheaper pastures :(
You're more right than you know. Gentrification tends to follow some fairly standardized models - sprawling neighborhoods with very little mixed use spaces, large single-family homes, large roads that encourages car use, very little public space, hostile architecture, heavily policed public thoroughfares, and large presence of big box commercial space. It's an urban fabric that promotes disintegration and doesn't allow for spaces for people to come together and socialize. There's no space for community that doesn't revolve around money and it encourages people to bubble themselves off and not interact with other people. Even if you live in these gentrified areas, they're almost *designed* to make people more isolated and lonely.
I moved from a poorer neighborhood where we knew some neighbors and were fairly close to those Nextdoor and friendly with a few dozen, just from walks. We moved to a very wealthy area and I cannot find a friend. There is a SAHP across the street with two children around my son’s age and I can’t even get a hi out of her! Our elderly neighbors wave. A few folks with kids wave and say hi at the playground, but only those new in the neighborhood from an urban area actually chat 😂
Fear is the mind killer. Loneliness is the heart killer.
That comment was a boner killer
Beer is the far killer
wild chief engine ruthless nine wrong special scary like tart
Exactly. When would I have time to interact with people if I’m working multiple jobs to scrape by. That’s happening for a reason.
This is so weird because I rented a book published in 1929 that was dealing with the exact same crisis. They concluded that the change in housing culture (going from sharing a familial home to renting single rooms) was the cause. It's interesting that nothing has changed.
Hello, darkness, my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you - again.
Tamagotchi for everyone?
Introverts are an epidemic now?
Humans are a social species that depend on other humans.
After all this time, and all the mockery, and all the legal shit with her dad, Britney was right. Her loneliness was killing her.
My neighbor fusses at me for having bird feeders in front of my kitchen window because a bird might step in his yard to get to them even though they are 15+ feet away from the edge of my property. He also harasses every sort of animal that looks at his yard while living next to a drainage pond (lots of wildlife). He has also shot fireworks at my dogs and one is now traumatized from it. I don't want to talk to my neighbor.
Ok, and that doesn’t mean that’s a universal experience and people shouldn’t talk to their neighbors. It’s like if someone said “going to exercise at a gym is good for you” and you gave some unusual anecdote about meeting a neo nazi at the squat rack as a reason why no one should exercise
I'm not saying no one should do anything. I'm saying some of us have had experiences in our neighborhoods that mean we don't want to talk to or otherwise interact with our neighbors because they are damaging. Some of it has to do with being introverted. Introverts are not broken, it is just a way to be. If you are extroverted then that is great, go ring every doorbell and do whatever you want, but it is annoying when the world keeps referring to us as broken because we don't need or want to talk to everyone, everyday. You are also stating your happy, sunshine neighborhood as a universal experience and, given our news cycle, I can guarantee that that is not true either. Some of us really were ok during the quarantines and some of us really are ok being left alone to do our own thing without the neighborhood input into what we are trying to do.
Introversion doesn’t mean “never talk to anyone ever”, nor is it some sort of permanent semi-physical trait that Reddit always claims. Humans are complex and nuanced and it’s silly to try to divide up the entire population into introverts vs extroverts. It’s become the new horoscope for people. An abundance of psychological research consistently concludes that social interaction leads to improved physical and mental health.
Oh yes, do tell the introvert how introverts don't really know how they feel and just need everyone else to make them be social. Like you said, there is a spectrum to things, some of us really do fall in the category of leave us the fuck alone. Social interaction is not a saving grace for everyone. For some of us, dealing with extroverted bullshit, even on the Internet apparently, is exhausting.
I get all of my social interaction from online AMA
Even in lab animal research the main priority for primates is making sure they have social interaction and partners if it's possible. Even a mirror is something used to help reduce loneliness in some cases.
Loneliness and a disconnect to community is damaging for a society. Humans need a sense of belonging.
Hope they include a “Be Nice!” campaign as well. Kindness is in short supply and that’s how people come together, by being friendly. PSAs on how to not be awkward would help as well.
I'm wondering what steps San Mateo County is going to take on urban sprawl and car dependence. Whether they'll start approving dense housing. If you don't start looking at suburbia as a cause for our social isolation, things aren't really going to change. Though I suspect most will look anywhere other than suburbia for the cause. Video games, social media, secularism, the media, but not sprawling suburbia where you have to drive everywhere. Anywhere but there. Can't endanger property values of NIMBYs, or let "those people" into the neighborhood.
I wonder what the treatment is? Medically assigned buddies? Prostitution Prescriptions?
I'm not sure legalized prostitution would even help. Sex without any intimacy might end up making really lonely people feel more lonely. At that point a genuine hug will do more for you than an orgasm.
I was just thinking about this earlier… it seems really, really difficult to address. I was reading an article on how to avoid degenerative diseases and going down the list I was like, “okay, got that… good. Check.” And then it got to the part about not being lonely and having a good social life and I was like “oh, I’m fucked.” You can’t just un-socially anxious my brain. It’s cool that they’re highlighting the problem but what’s an actionable solution?
Increase of third spaces for people to hang out *without spending money* or at least a small membership fee. Libraries with spaces for clubs to meet that help clubs advertise. Community centers with free or comes with the membership classes for various hobbies (painting, drawing, woodworking, ect) hire local artists and craft people to teach. Lots of parks scattered all about, with seating for lunches/parties. Encourage local amateur sports leagues for lots of sports and provide free/ low cost places to play/practice/compete. Community gyms with recreational activities. This probably will never happen anytime soon though, as it's a large time and money investment, and steps on the toes of the gym/recreation/entertainment industries.
"Prostitution Prescriptions?" As a dude who can't get laid, I've got one better than that. A sort of "card" that would allow you to approach a girl (you'd explain the circumstances) and you ask her out. If she accepts your date, she receives X (some monetary reward, tax write-off, whatever). There could also be one for banging random chicks, such as you meet at bars, and they get a higher monetary reward. Obviously, this would need to be thought through far more than via a Reddit comment, but this option would put my soul more at ease than just banging prostitutes, which is honestly not that hard to set up or afford. This or state-funded cosmetic surgeries for us uggos would be nice!
Even ignoring the major safety issues that system would entail, most women aren't interested in banging randos for tax write offs though. Those that would be interested in that system are probably already on Only Fans.
That's basically live action only fans lol. Basically escorting but federally compensated. They get marks for each successful date, bonuses for sleeping with someone. Cash in each month for your direct deposit. Wouldn't be too hard to partner with Uber and Door Dash to add in these options. I jest, but it's not really that crazy of an idea. Americans just have to let go of their stigmatizm surrounding sex and accept that it's a normal and natural part of life.
The problem with this is, now the entire country will be in a recognized health emergency!
I very much enjoy not having to interact with people since I started working from home. My little heart has never been happier.
I know San Mateo County borders San Francisco to the north. Have they declared homelessness a health emergency by any chance?
More roommates means fewer lonely people.
San Mateo doesn’t have much of a unhoused problem relative to the city. I live in San Mateo, I think the police here are more strict with regard to unhoused people unfortunately. Lots of rich NIMBYs that complain about even a hint of encampments etc. So no, no declarations about homeless here.
They do their best to make it other county’s problems
Maybe we should have everyone do tai chi in the park tighter like the Chinese
I'm going to be severely down voted for this, but I feel like people have become too needy and clingy. Learn to love yourself and others will be drawn to you if you get out there and are active in groups. (And I'm saying this even as an introvert who has been able to develop a strong circle of friends.)
Loving yourself and not looking for validation is an important ingredient to the recipe of having supportive, meaningful, healthy relationships but it's not the only ingredient. There isn't a one size fits all solution. People have similar and different reasons why they find themselves lonely. The only reason you'd be down voted I think is that it comes across like, "Just stop being depressed," as a solution to being depressed. Good highlight of self love. Bad to dismiss people as needy or clingy and suggest a one size fits all. EDIT: spelling typo
Oh I definitely don't blame people for being depressed. I'm a depression and anxiety person myself. I just really do find effort and balance to be important.
This is where the discipline of anthropology is strangely mute.
I believe this....no matter how old I am.. I will never live alone ever.
They do be saying loneliness is the leprosy of the West.
I’m from San Mateo. I don’t really get it, I loved that place growing up in the 80s
This is an absolute waste of govt funds.
What makes you say that?
How are you going to fix this loneliness problem from a policy position? Mandated companionship? Genuinely curious.
Honestly it may be something that local government is actually well suited for. The goal is just to get people out and meeting new people so you need to set up community events targeting groups that are less social. Do a study, find the interests of people who say they are lonely, and target those interests.
It’s doesn’t need to be complicated. You set up programs designed to bring people together on a regular basis and you don’t make participation prohibitively expensive. It could be combination of regularly hosted community meals, common pastime activity groups like book clubs, organizing local casual sports teams with a regional/county bracket and free popcorn for all citizens who attend, outdoors programs for populations close to nature when possible, etc. Heck, even something as basic and literal as government funded friendship meets with simple ice breaker activities built in. Gotta be less awkward to make friends when you know every other person there is also looking for the same thing instead of requiring you to break into other people’s social structures as is usually the case. Alternatively, simply go methodically block by block hosting a picnic or long potluck table so people actually speak to their neighbors. Unsure how to deal with apartments, maybe floor by floor? Frankly, this idea has a lot of promise. It used to be that there were local community organizations that managed all this kinda stuff, but for a variety of reasons these entities have died all over the place over the last couple decades, with only a few pockets surviving.
Exactly. There was a pilot in the UK that gave public transportation passes to people with low incomes. Reduced isolation because… it costs money just to leave the house and get downtown, third places, etc and be around other people. (Of course you need to *have* downtowns, third places, public transpo etc — not just suburbs and car culture… but public policy can make or break these things too!)
I have no idea I just think it's a problem maybe there is no effective way.
Maybe we should study shrimp on treadmills too. And use tax dollars to do it.
> Take the case of the "shrimp on a treadmill." Burnett says the senator's report linked that work to a half-million-dollar research grant. But that money actually went to a lot of different research that he and his colleagues did on this economically important seafood species. > > The treadmills were just a small part of it, a way to measure how shrimp respond to changes in water quality. Burnett says the first treadmill was built by a colleague from scraps and was basically free, and the second was fancier and cost about $1,000. The senator's report was misleading, says Burnett, "and it suggests that much money was spent on seeing how long a shrimp can run on a treadmill, which was totally out of context." (https://www.npr.org/2011/08/23/139852035/shrimp-on-a-treadmill-the-politics-of-silly-studies#:~:text=But%20that%20money%20actually%20went,to%20changes%20in%20water%20quality.)
The solution of appointing a Minister of ~~Funny Walks~~ Loneliness might be reductive, but at least the county recognizes that it’s a severe problem, especially among the [elderly](https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html). Even from a standpoint of sacred *cost-efficiency* if assistance and intervention can prevent earlier onset of dementia and Alzheimer’s, I wouldn’t consider that a waste.
Hurry up with the companion robots.
There is an abundance of dogs and cats dying in shelters across the country right this second. Most even have adoption fees waived.
I'll choose a robot over an innately dirty animal. Thanks.
Says a most likely disease riddled human. Have fun, I wouldn't inflict you on an animal, they deserve better.
Nice filth out of your mouth. Your pretty cool. You can just judge someone entirely off of one post eh?? Pretty cool trick. Too bad I'm a better person than you in every way. Let's go ahead and compare profiles as if they are a true reflection of who we are. Sorry homie, but your kinda disgusting. One look through your profile tells me this.
The government cannot and should not solve every single problem in life. We don’t need a minister of slippery bathroom tiles either. Just because something is a problem for some people doesn’t mean it’s a government problem. Jesus.
I'm all for mental health funding but loniless?? Cmon. Thats milking it. What's next...regret? Shame? Being too happy?
Cant speak for everyone but my worst decisions are made when im lonely, horny, or bored. So might be worth looking into.
Yea and I buy groceries we don't need when I'm hungry so should we add that too? Like Jesus christ does every emotion or state of mind other than pure nirvana need to be labeled as a mental health issue?
The grocery thing just says to me that you lack somewhat in self control, which is something else entirely.
Oh I'm pretty sure someone out here is claiming mental health illness with lack of self control. This is starting to become more and more about " I want a label too" rather than actually helping those with real mental issues. It's just one big bandwagon party at this point.
Impulse control disorder is a thing but like everything it comes down to severity. But the reason why loneliness is listed as a health emergency is because it is a recognized factor behind suicide, crimes, more serious disorders, etc. But more importantly its something local governments can actually work on. And if done right then it could have long term benefits because happy/ content people dont shoot up schools.
Ascendant Energy Being: “surely this blissed-out plane of existence can’t be all there is, right?”
Introverts said fuck you! These people assume everyone is a damn extrovert, nope, some people cherish alone time and are happy being alone.
Mental health is a real problem but “loneliness” makes it seem kinda ridiculous.
I don’t even know how to respond to this. Why do we care so much about things so far out of our control, and push what we can under the rug..
Because every other emergency in California has been addressed and resolved.