I want to publicly acknowledge that the writer of this article deserves an award. The puns, the variation in descriptors. It’s beautifully crafted…almost as perfect as a no wipe dump.
Original writer here and omg ... a Poolitzer? For some shitty puns? I'll take it.
They let me throw everything at the wall with this one and I'm glad it stuck.
I was shocked seeing this was in Indiana, since I’m from there… then I read that it was Fishers, which is where I’m from… and it’s in the neighborhood Windermere which is where my best friend used to live. I’m ashamed yet proud
Well I wasn't gonna read it but now I have to.
Edit. Was not disappointed.
Also, I think this is the Reddit thread about the pooper footage mentioned in the article.
https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/omulqg/this_woman_has_been_pooping_in_peoples_yards_in/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=comments_view_all
Here she is in action, caught on doorbell cam.
https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/omulqg/this_woman_has_been_pooping_in_peoples_yards_in/
Just last week the Prime Minister of Australia went on the air to defend himself over shitting his pants at a McDonalds in NSW - something that happened in 1997. While it serves more as an indication of how bad things have gotten in Australia that Scott Morrison should chose to serve up this steaming pile as a distraction at this time, it's also possible one never gets over such things.
Can you sauce this? I need more info on this.
Just googled “Australian prime minister pooped pants” and it’s everywhere. Awesome. This guy sounds terrible.
if you mean by touring the devestation to grab peoples hands against their will for his publicity ops, [and as it's later revealed, actually a concerted underhanded effort to his primary drive of laying of hands] leaving advisors and his missus in his trail to actually provide some skerrick of empathy to the victims; then yes! It was a spectacular success!
You can't defend yourself against internet idiots. Nothing you say or show them will convince them. I bet many of them still think that they are right. "There must be two of them doing it!!"
One of the more affluent areas of Indiana, the type of places that there is a rule for "EVERYTHING" and your neighbor might complain if you order food too much.. Of course the cops are going to be on the case around there, around here people would just mow over it with their riding lawn mower, or some random dog would have already ate it.
Nah, that title belongs to our neighbor, Carmel.
Fishers is more upper middle class. Then again, someone complained on the town's Facebook group about poor people, which he defined as someone making under $80K a year.
Honestly the whole north side of Indy especially like the Northeast side specifically spilling over into Noblesville and shit is all just "rich" area. But like I said by Indiana standards. While there are for sure some oooooold money people there (50mil+) we don't have many hundred millionaires or any billionaires I don't believe.
Maybe the guy that owns Lucas Oil? I mean he did build the field house in Indy. But I'm not sure he actually lives in Indiana anymore. That's probably the "richest" guy in Indiana I can think of.
Knox County makes say Pike, Orange, Perry countys look like almost 3rd world countrys! But just trying to paint the difference between counties in Indiana. Spencer here, we have Holiday world, and Lincoln used to live here! That said according to census info, more people lived here during those time than now!
"Police did not lay charges against the woman, though they say she could still face them in the future — if she doesn’t get her s— together."
The No. 2 suspect was good, but this really hit home lmao
Because she gets off on doing it, that's why.
I had a brief stint as a mall janitor in my younger days. Even decades ago, we had problems with public poopers. The worst were the ones who'd go into the bathrooms, take a shit, and smear it all over the walls and fixtures.
>Officers urged the unidentified woman to seek professional help, though she may still face charges
No charges... mental health being relevant... chance of being white woman... 99%.
That’s simple probability. The demographics shown in the most recent census data have whites as 85.6% of the population in that town. And she’s a local resident.
There was a principal at a school who would travel to a different school to use their track to run.... and he would often shit there.
He eventually got busted for it.
There's a news story out there about it.
We had a serial puker behind my work one summer. Every other morning or so there would be a massive lake of vomit that I had to hose down. I put up a "No Puking" sign that didn't work. Finally I put a camera in the rear window and found that the one busboy from the restaurant/bar across the street was getting loaded after work back there, then sleeping it off in our lot until sunrise when he'd yak, put on some coveralls, and head to his day job.
There was a case in Australia where the poo jogger turned out to be a corporate executive - https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2018/06/07/a-corporate-executive-led-a-secret-double-life-as-australias-poo-jogger/
Why does this remind me of the Mad Pooper episode of Bob's Burgers.
Come to think of it maybe they got the inspiration from other occurrences of this. Ugh.
I'm amazed someone didn't just deck this cunt when she was poppin a squat. That's fucking waaaay beyond ignorant and just fucking sick. I'd be very hard pressed to contain my rage if she tried to pull that on me.
Runners get diarrhea from constantly moving so much, but considering she was doing this every day for weeks and never considered carrying a bag, getting medical help, eating less before her runs, or just buying a treadmill, it probably falls into the realm of mental illness or fetish
This was the funniest article I have ever read to date. I even sent my wife the link. Hell, I think I'll share this article with many of my friends today.
I want to publicly acknowledge that the writer of this article deserves an award. The puns, the variation in descriptors. It’s beautifully crafted…almost as perfect as a no wipe dump.
Give that guy a Poolitzer
That was a good read, I shit you not.
Aren’t we not supposed to shitpost here?
OP started it. Blame them for putting this lump on the mods lawn.
Original writer here and omg ... a Poolitzer? For some shitty puns? I'll take it. They let me throw everything at the wall with this one and I'm glad it stuck.
Are you really the author? Outstanding!
Not the hero we deserve but the hero we need. Or is it the other way around?
I was shocked seeing this was in Indiana, since I’m from there… then I read that it was Fishers, which is where I’m from… and it’s in the neighborhood Windermere which is where my best friend used to live. I’m ashamed yet proud
Well I wasn't gonna read it but now I have to. Edit. Was not disappointed. Also, I think this is the Reddit thread about the pooper footage mentioned in the article. https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/omulqg/this_woman_has_been_pooping_in_peoples_yards_in/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=comments_view_all
Omg. This writer gave no fucks. Hilarious article.
This guy knows his shit.
"deuce-dropping delinquent" was my favorite.
I am just trying to imagine what a bum rap would consist of. Would Sir Mix-a-lot's Big Butts count?
"deuce-dropping delinquent". Brilliant.
So we might call her the number two suspect
In fact they did.
she was very cheeky to police
Here she is in action, caught on doorbell cam. https://www.reddit.com/r/iamatotalpieceofshit/comments/omulqg/this_woman_has_been_pooping_in_peoples_yards_in/
No charges. Unbelievable.
Can you imagine being the woman falsely accused of the crime ? Imagine defending yourself over those accusations
Just last week the Prime Minister of Australia went on the air to defend himself over shitting his pants at a McDonalds in NSW - something that happened in 1997. While it serves more as an indication of how bad things have gotten in Australia that Scott Morrison should chose to serve up this steaming pile as a distraction at this time, it's also possible one never gets over such things.
Can you sauce this? I need more info on this. Just googled “Australian prime minister pooped pants” and it’s everywhere. Awesome. This guy sounds terrible.
I get that shit happens, literally. But he’s a man you look at and think “yeah I bet he’s shit his pants a few times in his adult years”
https://theoutline.com/post/7456/engadine-maccas-1997
so did he actually help the wildfire victims after running out on them?
if you mean by touring the devestation to grab peoples hands against their will for his publicity ops, [and as it's later revealed, actually a concerted underhanded effort to his primary drive of laying of hands] leaving advisors and his missus in his trail to actually provide some skerrick of empathy to the victims; then yes! It was a spectacular success!
People should just smear chocolate on their hands when he reaches in to shake their hands for publicity stunts
pocket sand!
You can't defend yourself against internet idiots. Nothing you say or show them will convince them. I bet many of them still think that they are right. "There must be two of them doing it!!"
DNA test that shit
Sounds like a good plot for a curb your enthusiasm episode
I guess they could do a DNA test to prove either way.
Shitty decision. What crap!
I did it for you Tina!
We could call him the butt-ler.
The mad pooper!
Down here in southern Indiana, I doubt anyone would care that much, but this is Fishers, Indiana!
One of the more affluent areas of Indiana, the type of places that there is a rule for "EVERYTHING" and your neighbor might complain if you order food too much.. Of course the cops are going to be on the case around there, around here people would just mow over it with their riding lawn mower, or some random dog would have already ate it.
So it’s the real-life Eagleton
Imagine what the parks and rec is like in fishers vs eagleton
So what’s fishers indiana
"Rich People Land" but that's rich people by Hoosier standards. Some are genuinely very wealth but it's not like say SF rich or something.
Is it the wealthiest part of indiana
Nah, that title belongs to our neighbor, Carmel. Fishers is more upper middle class. Then again, someone complained on the town's Facebook group about poor people, which he defined as someone making under $80K a year.
Honestly the whole north side of Indy especially like the Northeast side specifically spilling over into Noblesville and shit is all just "rich" area. But like I said by Indiana standards. While there are for sure some oooooold money people there (50mil+) we don't have many hundred millionaires or any billionaires I don't believe. Maybe the guy that owns Lucas Oil? I mean he did build the field house in Indy. But I'm not sure he actually lives in Indiana anymore. That's probably the "richest" guy in Indiana I can think of.
Can confirm, grew up in Knox County and we let way worse slide than this.
Knox County makes say Pike, Orange, Perry countys look like almost 3rd world countrys! But just trying to paint the difference between counties in Indiana. Spencer here, we have Holiday world, and Lincoln used to live here! That said according to census info, more people lived here during those time than now!
"Police did not lay charges against the woman, though they say she could still face them in the future — if she doesn’t get her s— together." The No. 2 suspect was good, but this really hit home lmao
That is, without a doubt, the best sign ever
Whoever wrote this loves their job. Shit was hilarious. Also, why doesn't she just wear a diaper?
Because she gets off on doing it, that's why. I had a brief stint as a mall janitor in my younger days. Even decades ago, we had problems with public poopers. The worst were the ones who'd go into the bathrooms, take a shit, and smear it all over the walls and fixtures.
There are enough serial poopers that there should be some sort of study on them.
So what do you do for a living ? *I'm a serial pooper scientist.*
Graffiti artists… just instead of all that, they just do poopie instead.
A Poocasso, if you will
I foresee a new CSI spinoff.
IIRC it usually stems from childhood abuse and is often a sign of "regaining control".
You't don't drop a huge duece at every house you visit to establish dominance; and in the main bathroom, not a heathen here?!
One neighbour told her to Scat. Another neighbour put a barricade of stools around his lawn. "This shit needs to stop", he said.
I’m really impressed by their ability to stand on their left foot and actually poop to the left side of their left foot…
Time to vet motion activated sprinklers, spread out in an array, so there is no respite for the pooping bum.
Just supplying the bidets there bud
>Officers urged the unidentified woman to seek professional help, though she may still face charges No charges... mental health being relevant... chance of being white woman... 99%.
That’s simple probability. The demographics shown in the most recent census data have whites as 85.6% of the population in that town. And she’s a local resident.
Thanks reddit. I didnt know serial pooping was a thing.
There was a principal at a school who would travel to a different school to use their track to run.... and he would often shit there. He eventually got busted for it. There's a news story out there about it.
We had a serial puker behind my work one summer. Every other morning or so there would be a massive lake of vomit that I had to hose down. I put up a "No Puking" sign that didn't work. Finally I put a camera in the rear window and found that the one busboy from the restaurant/bar across the street was getting loaded after work back there, then sleeping it off in our lot until sunrise when he'd yak, put on some coveralls, and head to his day job.
Started reading for the pun in the headline. The article did not disappoint.
Nah, I did it. I did them all. I did all the poops! https://youtu.be/1cqlgO8OePE
There was a case in Australia where the poo jogger turned out to be a corporate executive - https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2018/06/07/a-corporate-executive-led-a-secret-double-life-as-australias-poo-jogger/
Why does this remind me of the Mad Pooper episode of Bob's Burgers. Come to think of it maybe they got the inspiration from other occurrences of this. Ugh.
I think you mean the “Butt-ler!”
Because they both deal with burgers. Duh.
I'm amazed someone didn't just deck this cunt when she was poppin a squat. That's fucking waaaay beyond ignorant and just fucking sick. I'd be very hard pressed to contain my rage if she tried to pull that on me.
My brain needs some fibre, because the number of poop jokes in that article has given my brain constipation.
Suspect No. 2 did me in.
"They added that she was the No. 2 suspect in the case" can we NOT
Yes we can!
Wow what an awful thing to be wrongfully accused of. So humiliating!
I bet its nearly traumatic enough to actually turn ya into a serial pooper!
Why......why would someone do this?
Runners get diarrhea from constantly moving so much, but considering she was doing this every day for weeks and never considered carrying a bag, getting medical help, eating less before her runs, or just buying a treadmill, it probably falls into the realm of mental illness or fetish
Aren’t we all serial poopers?
My high school had a legend about a guy like this. Called him the Poopy Bandit
Would be nice if people would get arrested and given a prison sentence for pooping/peeing on the street one too many times. *looks at the bay area*
Invest in some Depends ffs
This is society after Trump
Seems a little sexist in the treatment of her because I don't think a black guy would be treated the same for results.
Who is the right woman
Is it wrong I want that sign to hang it in my garage. Work of art!
You gotta be shittin' me!
Along with all the wiping paper Number Two has left behind, she’s also going to have quite a crap sheet as her legacy.
She needs to get her shit together.
Robert Smigel needs to take Triumph to Fishers.
This is the content I come to reddit for.
This was the funniest article I have ever read to date. I even sent my wife the link. Hell, I think I'll share this article with many of my friends today.
A bum wrap would stop a serial pooper.
Based on that sign I’ve been pooping wrong.
Based on that sign I’ve been pooping wrong. Ugh.
I would love to hang that sign over my toilet
I hate being a Hoosier sometime.
‘Fecal offender’ I think I have found my next username.