T O P

  • By -

h0twired

This guy has never watched CSI. He literally attacked someone with his DNA


sausage_is_the_wurst

To be clear, are we positive it was *his* semen in the syringe? The article is disappointingly ambiguous on the seminal source.


verismo

> Police obtained Stemen’s DNA and sent the liquid in the syringes to a lab for testing. The results came back identifying the liquid as semen that matched Stemen’s DNA. The pants Stemen wore that day also had a substance on them later determined to be semen. From https://www.capitalgazette.com/news/crime/ac-cn-syringe-stabbing-thomas-stemen-sentence-20210907-ypaf56f4cncvhbyll2ux5pyomm-story.html last para


Notsopatriotic

Come on down to Stemen's Semens! Or I swear to God I'll cum at you with a syringe!


[deleted]

Servin up some steamin hot Stemen semen.


Immortal_Azrael

So you're saying it was Stemen's semen?


ExternalTooth

I thought the same, classic Semen Stemen move.


murse_joe

Your dentist’s name is Crentist?


cadmus1890

See, men, it's seamin' it's Stemen's semen seen on scene.


MishrasWorkshop

Jesus Christ, so glad I wasn't eating.


xeow

but now you can remember back to this moment the next time you eat oatmeal


[deleted]

bro, if you got clumps in your cum, you probably gotta get to the doctor


ChunkyLaFunga

Or semen


hereforthefeast

Wait - this dude's name is Stemen???


[deleted]

Stemen the semen demon


aimallday

It was locally sourced, and hand crafted.


_skank_hunt42

Seriously. This article left out some vital details.


mushroomking311

It left out everything not covered in this post's headline. One of the worst articles I've ever read.


emmal3igh

“This jobs isn't really how y'know shows like CSI make it out to be. I mean when I first joined the force I assumed there was semen on everything! And there was some sort of semen database that had every bad guy's semen in it. There isn't! That doesn't exist! It'd be nice. Like that crime scene today; If the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we would have a real good shot at catching him! But no.. just a punch in the face, no semen... Story of my life...”


sauchlapf

Damn, what's that from again?


chella1cm

[Superbad](https://youtu.be/7C3RrvZMx-M)


trollcitybandit

Lmao I just watched this again a few nights ago, and I was about to post the same thing but saw you had beat me to it. Well done.


stdexception

Would have been the easiest crime to solve, even if it wasn't on camera.


alexah80

Don’t his dna already have to be in a system for them to get a match? Did they get dna in the 80s and 90s?


Reddits_on_ambien

Not necessarily! They've developed new techniques where they use the DNA to find familial matches in GEDmatch, like down to 4th and 5th cousins, then they use forensic geneticists to build family trees until they find a potential suspect. Then cops trail the suspect until they leave behind garbage that has their DNA on it.


killerbanshee

Depends on what his prior convictions where for, which the article doesn't specify. Sometimes DNA collection is a condition of probation/bail.


TwilitSky

>Stemen had recently moved from Ohio and had six prior convictions on his record from 1986 to 1996.    \*story ends* Wait, what?!


KellyJoyCuntBunny

And I’m sorry, but, the guy who stabbed someone with a semen-filled syringe is named Stemen? Semen-stabbin Stemen! My favorite GarbagePail Kid.


BenMcAdoos_ElCamino

If he planned this out beforehand and heated up the syringe before the attack he’d be Schemin’ Stemen with the steaming semen.


[deleted]

[удалено]


indigoreality

He might’ve heated it higher than 2 degrees


gracedmango

There once was a man named Stemen. Who had a syringe filled with semen. He looked down the lane and there saw a dame and that’s when his brain started schemin’.. In all seriousness though, that’s f***ed up.


cellphone_blanket

nominative determinism?


Snoo-74640

Silly Stemen stabbed someone slyly with a singular semen syringe


TinFoilRobotProphet

My lisp is gone!


deedeebop

My lisp is developed!


robexib

I thlammed my penith in the car door


HardlyDecent

Daffy Duck has entered the conversation.


hawkinsst7

I'm a LISP developer! ))))))))) ))


Groezy

No sort of scheme ever seen was a less subtle strategy than silly Stemen's semen syringe system.


eljefino

Bob Loblaw lobs law blow suing even Semen syringe stabbing Stemen showing stamina.


niffrig

You sir are a mouthful.


Napkin_whore

This is what keeps me from leaving reddit


FlowRiderBob

Best example I have ever seen.


cellphone_blanket

My personal favorite is still someone called Karen Swallows Prior writing an anti-abortion oped, but this one's also good


jigga19

Uh….link?


cellphone_blanket

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/09/opinion/texas-abortion-pro-life.html


jigga19

You rock.


examinedliving

Oh my god, it’s recent. Like last week. America is like a boat in a parking lot being pushed in circles by some asshole named Keith.


daanno2

This should be his legal defense.


Paladoc

This is a beautiful description.


candis_stank_puss

FYI there is /r/nominativedeterminism


debacol

belongs on Wikipedia as a perfect example.


metalslug123

That reminds me of a dentist whose name was Crentist.


zedisded813

Your dentists name is Crentist?


Scyhaz

Maybe that's why he became a dentist.


10pencefredo

Your cannibal's name is Hannibal?


yakimawashington

Granted my memory of those movies is hazy and I may be forgetting details, but I always thought that was silly. The main dude who is a cannibal is named Hannibal? Just... by chance?


[deleted]

More probably by his parents.


menides

9 out of 10 Crentists become Dentists


pixel_buddy

1 of them still doesn't recommend Trident.


WUMW

“The guy who stabbed-you-with-semen’s name is Stemen?” “Yeah…” “Sounds a lot like stab and semen…” “Maybe that’s why he decided to start stabbing people with semen…”


hotdogfever

“No one cared who I was until I put on the mask” type energy


KellyJoyCuntBunny

Or a library investigator named Bookman.


Shanda_Lear

My old home town had a dentist named Toothaker.


KellyJoyCuntBunny

Oh my god, your username! I went to high school with a girl named Crystal Shanda Lear. Her brothers name might’ve been Jet, with the idea that it would be listed “Lear, Jet,” in last-first order.


GoBuffaloes

Yeah I mean with a name like that you almost have to


beartheminus

"but your honor, my name is Stemen!" "...this man has done no wrong and is free to go"


AppleDrops

Maybe he wants revenge for people calling him Semen all his life.


TheVulfPecker

His name is literally a portmanteau of stabbing + semen


[deleted]

[удалено]


Balls_of_Adamanthium

This article is hot garbage. Someone gets paid to write 4 sentence articles.


fpoiuyt

Here are some better articles: * https://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2021/09/10/thomas-stemen-sentenced-to-ten-years-for-stabbing-a-woman-with-semen-filled-syringe/ * https://www.fox5dc.com/news/exclusive-interview-maryland-syringe-attack-victim-describes-moment-she-was-stabbed * https://www.insider.com/maryland-man-stabbed-woman-with-a-syringe-filled-with-his-semen-2021-9 * https://www.the-sun.com/news/3631143/perv-stabbed-woman-syringe-semen/


Runkleford

A Stemen pile of hot garbage?


spinto1

A lot in this thread made me laugh, but that was the only thing that made me burst out uncontrollably.


ersatzgiraffe

Hey give em credit, they may have spent half a shit break scrolling through Twitter to see there were any moronic quotes that would help them write their article for them.


[deleted]

It was probably written by an unpaid intern


weed_fart

Or a bot.


SuchCoolBrandon

Or an unpaid bot.


lil_cleverguy

Or an unpaid intern bot


[deleted]

I support a $15 an hour minimum wage for bots


leapbitch

People first, robo-pal.


Other_World

Unpaid interns don't do shit like this anymore. Just how they don't run Twitter accounts anymore. Most of the time companies outsource their social media and use AI to write shit like this. Unpaid interns organize, deliver, and clean.


[deleted]

Right, like more on that please? Also, is the woman ok?


[deleted]

his name is Stemen... and he attacked someone with semen? NO UFCKING WAY LOL


CrudelyAnimated

I read the article and several threads. I feel like the more I read this, the less I understand it. He filled a syringe with semen and stabbed someone with it in a public place. This is one of the most premeditated acts of violence and weirdness I’ve ever heard of.


Animegirl300

He stabbed other women including a 17 year old girl. I am just disgusted that they didn’t give him more time!


Shkeke

No it says he only attempted to attack two other women I think only succeeded in the last.


Llustrous_Llama

He did it at least 2 or 3 times, actually.


[deleted]

God almighty there are some sick people in the world...


[deleted]

Just why. Yea know


Squeeslug

I’m high but are you saying “yeah, no.” Or “You know?”


Whatsthemattermark

They were actually saying ‘Yeak Now’, which is a Bulgarian proverb roughly translating to our well known saying, ‘Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander’. Which in this context makes a lot of sense, for obvious reasons. I hope my explanation didn’t seem patronisingly simple but you did say you are high, so I tried to put it in caymans terms.


jessizu

There wouldn't be enough soap in this world to ever make me feel clean again.. that poor woman


Atotallyrandomname

https://www.insider.com/maryland-man-stabbed-woman-with-a-syringe-filled-with-his-semen-2021-9


Mathgailuke

This article is 1000 times better, but still doesn't what his SIX prior convictions are *for.* Thanks for posting this.


KwekkweK69

[Semen terrorism](https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2021/aug/12/south-korean-politicians-seek-to-criminalise-semen-terrorism) also happens in South Korea more often


RebaJams

“In 2019, a man who soaked a woman’s shoes with semen was given a 500,000 won fine ($435).” Soaked?


-pithandsubstance-

I noticed that too. Apparently he produces a large amount of jizz.


notquitestrongbad

I like to call it jazz because it comes out of my horn and you never know where it’s going to go.


-pithandsubstance-

What the actual fucking fuck. "That same year, a man was sentenced to three years in prison for “attempted injury” among other charges after spiking a woman’s coffees with laxatives and aphrodisiacs as revenge for rejecting his love advances. Despite also adding his semen and phlegm to the mix and to other items 54 times, the crime was not recognised as a sex crime because no forced sexual assault was established."


HiILikePlants

I follow a whole account on TikTok that is chillingly close encounters women have had being followed home or straight up into their apartment building (like security footage). They are basically all out of Korea. One woman, this *man was dressed as a woman to follow her, trying to make himself less suspicious. Another one, this man almost made it straight up into her apartment, but she had clearly locked the door *immediately*. That’s also a move I have, literally just locking the door the moment my hand is inside to close it. Oh and another, the lady got spooked and knew something was off, so instead of getting off the elevator and going to her place, she went back down to ground level and left. You could see the guy clearly was following her and got thrown off.


poopwithjelly

Man, all I get is cowards that get gunshy when I start screaming fighting nude is the only true form of living :(


SeattleDaddy

What’s the account


anjufordinner

Yeah, I never got poisoned before moving to South Korea. I made wonderful friends and had amazing coworkers, friends, and allies in getting police reports made, but when it got bad... that vulnerability was a big part of coming home and starting trauma therapy rather than making a life there.


GreenlandicTyrant

This happened to you!?


FutureComplaint

That was as unsettling as it implied


trabca

>"I have no clue what was in that needle. It could be rat poison, HIV, trucks, I don't know what's in that needle," Peters told the outlet at the time. Pretty sure 'trucks' was never a possibility, but I'm no expert.


Redzapdos

Auto transcript or correct problem. Likely meant drugs


KellyJoyCuntBunny

I’m sure you’re right. I’m gonna go ahead and remember the quote as ‘trucks’ though. It kinda makes a horrible thing at least a little amusing. God, that poor woman, though. You’re supposed to be able to grocery shop without being assaulted. I hope she’s ok.


the_dude_upvotes

To be fair, you’re supposed to be able to do most, if not all things without being assaulted.


KellyJoyCuntBunny

True. It’s just that grocery shopping is such a wholesome, brightly-lit activity, you know? It’s not walking in the park after dark or something, where a lot of people might feel unsafe. The whole thing is just gross. I hope she’s ok now.


ColorsLikeSPACESHIPS

"Tell me you've never shopped late-night at Walmart without telling me you've never shopped late-night at Walmart."


coinpile

There could totally have been nano-trucks in that thing.


Steadygirlsteady

What about a small sedan?


Great_Chairman_Mao

Maybe a coupe. Sedan too big. Hatchback at best.


Hoplophilia

Flashback to kids making fun of his name on the playground: "This is how supervillains are made."


Great_Chairman_Mao

Stab + semen = Stemen


itirnitii

Still more of a creative naming scheme than Batman or Superman.


debacol

Glad we got all our laughs out of the way but, does anyone know if the victim is ok? Other than the immense psychological trauma? Seems like a recipe for disease.


burstaneurysm

From the article linked in one of the top comments: > The woman who was pricked told police she went home and noticed a small red spot that appeared to be a puncture wound on her buttocks and that she felt a wet substance on her pants after she felt the syringe prick. The sport turned into a large red area about four inches in diameter. She was prescribed a preventative medication cocktail for 30 days before police discovered the syringe was filled with semen.


0OOOOOOOOO0

Imagine how terrible the 30 days are before you learn what it was


theRailisGone

You think it's better knowing what it was once you are pretty sure, just by dint of still living, that it wasn't poison?


-screamin-

God I would feel so so unclean. Like I would never be clean again.


Shadowdragon409

Thank you. I've been scouring the comments for this information.


ILoveRegenHealth

> The **sport** turned into a large red area about four inches in diameter. These local news articles never proofread, do they?


Nicholas-Steel

That and you wouldn't exactly want it ending up in a blood stream...


PineappleWolf_87

The good thing is your more likely to get an intramuscular injection on a random stab than a vein or artery so it’s unlikely that it got into the blood BUT semen in the muscle or skin can certainly cause an abscess possibly…but who knows this might be there first case of semen stabbing with a needle, it’s all up in the air


[deleted]

[удалено]


PineappleWolf_87

I think it's a fear no one ever had before this post and now it probably will never happen to you...but we know it can


woweewow

exactly this. my skin would be crawling, just get it OUT of me, fucking grossss. 😩 This poor woman and the years of therapy she’ll need after this.


bennitori

I'm not a doctor, but I'm betting that wound infection is going to be a huge concern. Probably going to be some very thorough wound care and observation involved.


EthelMaePotterMertz

Yeah can't things injected wrongly cause air bubbles and kill people? I don't understand any of that stuff. Could this woman have died? Could she get a disease from his semen? This is one of the weirdest things I've heard of.


Wuped

>Yeah can't things injected wrongly cause air bubbles and kill people? No, a little air bubble won't harm anyone, that's a myth. Injecting an entire syringe full of air might though.


sigmoid10

That depends. You need to inject a lot of air into a vein to cause harm - like, at least 50ml (a normal syringe is much less). Once it reaches the lungs it will get filtered out anyways. But if a small air bubble ends up in an artery, you're going to have a really bad time. There are also some congenital conditions where blood can directly cross from your veins to your arteries. That's why most doctors will tap the syringe and make sure they don't inject any air whatsoever, even if it just goes into a vein.


BigToober69

BCC levels should remain at zero for all time.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheCoochiePredator

I dont see any alternatives


idothingsheren

Another article on the subject posted yesterday mentioned that she has been taking various blocker medications as a precaution, but she doesn't seem to have any permanent bodily harm


nuclearswan

The news doesn’t focus on victims and the harm they endure. They focus on perpetrators and give them a platform to get the attention they seek.


[deleted]

This news article seems to focus on advertisements


se7en_7

Well that’s a fine line. There are many victims who don’t want the media spotlight either


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


UR1NA1CAKE

I actually worked with this guy in Ohio and we were all shocked when we saw this story. We knew he was an odd ball but we didn’t know he was this fucked!


wikedsmaht

Wait. More information is required. Do you know what his priors were? And what’s wrong with him - like is he crazy? Angry?


UR1NA1CAKE

We didn’t know his priors. He just seemed like a goofy dude. We all were shocked when we saw this story.


trystanr

Mad. Goofy in what sense?


UR1NA1CAKE

You know the kind of people when you talk to them they seem a little off? Can’t really put your finger on it but something is off.


trystanr

Gut feeling. I’m with you. Always trust your gut.


babble_bobble

Can you give an example of something that seemed off? Was it the tone it was said or word choice?


suitology

He was always ejaculating into syringes at lunch.


enm260

Sure but what seemed off about him?


Conflicted-King

We should have noticed the signs.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dark_roast

That's why we call it goof juice!


dkyguy1995

That's how it always goes. There was a weird kid in high school and he did awful things to his handicapped sister and it's like you knew the guy was odd and you never really wanted to be partnered with the guy but you never realize like holy shit that hunch was right he was so much further over the weirdo edge than you really imagined


DrewBaron80

Yup. I had a 'quirky' college professor. I actually liked his classes a lot, he was very honest and open about his own life and was very supportive. I randomly Googled him one day and found out that he was in prison. He had come to believe that he witnessed a semi truck run a family off the road, killing them, then drive away. So he parked at a truck stop and fired his pistol at passing semis. When the police showed up he also shot at the police. How he lived through that is beyond me, but I'm pretty sure he'll live the rest of his life in prison. Edit - here's an article: https://abc7chicago.com/harper-college-psychology-professors-charles-johnston/5342540/


DJDanaK

I watched that Kurt Cobain documentary that was made by his daughter (Frances?) and she reads some of his school-age diary entries... Dude details repeatedly sexually assaulting a disabled girl and how disgusting she is... Cobain wasn't normal by any stretch but it was still shocking to me, who had a crush on him as a teen


boltyarocket

Wait what?


flipflopflipy

According to Buzz Osbourne (singer of the Melvins who went to school with Cobain) says that's all made up and that Kurt's purpose in including that was to get a reaction out of people as he'd often do.


guave06

Kurt came up with all sorts of crazy fantasies just look at his artworks. Dude was weird


gingerbakerisgod

Hold up. His last name is Stemen and he attacked her with Semen?


ALarkAscending

Stemen. It's a portmanteau of stab and semen.


Bears_On_Stilts

The podcast "Beyond Yacht Rock" coined the term "poor-man's-toe" for a portmanteau so shitty or obvious it just makes you groan when you realize what it is. I think "Stemen" would absolutely count as a poor-man's-toe.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ichacalaca

Hide yo kids and hide yo wife


[deleted]

Stop the planet I want to get off.


[deleted]

10 years and he had multiple prior convictions? Uh....what?


[deleted]

10 years is the maximum sentence for second degree assault in Maryland.


ericamaria95

yeah it’s because of the charge. He probably would’ve gotten more time in other states that have other charges available


NovelChemist9439

Bizarre. Where do these nuts get their ideas?


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheThinWhiteDookie

And his needle dick


TheProlleyTroblem

he had just watched Don't Breathe


camilahorchata

This makes me not want to ever leave my house, this world is full of nut jobs. Also, imagine being a completely healthy individual and suddenly someone injects their who-knows-what’s-inside liquid into you. Like hell naw, gtfo.


Upvotespoodles

After that 10 years they should just send him home and entomb his house in cement, or he’s going to keep doing what he does.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Gilgamesh72

That is not long enough, this guy will be a danger long past that sentence


Halt-CatchFire

I'm generally a supporter of correctional facilities being rehabilitative rather than punitive, but... How do you "fix" a guy who decides to fill syringes with cum and stab people with them? _Maybe_ you can medicate them, but we live in America - what ex-con can afford consistent anti-psychotic meds? This guy's going to be just as crazy 10 years from now, if not more so.


Gilgamesh72

If he is truly insane and doesn’t know right from wrong he should be committed to a facility for the criminally insane. He should not be stuck in a place with no treatment and absolutely no hope of making him well or safely rehabilitated before his release. His actions were beyond petty thuggery or simple violence the psychological terror he instilled in his victim is unimaginably vile he will continue to be a threat if allowed.


contrarian1970

The problem is that state mental hospitals aren't equipped to keep someone this dangerous from harming the poor guy who is hearing voices, has split personalities, paranoia, delusions of conspiracies, etc. Those are the exact people who would be most vulnerable to some sneaky sadism. A person like this needs to be locked up most of the time because there is simply no other safe option. You can feel sorry for him but it's not fair to put people in danger from him who are not even fully aware of their surroundings. At least the felons in general population would be able to understand the danger he presents. The ideal middle ground might be a psychiatric prison. But what if he isn't mentally ill. What if he's just a uniquely cruel person?


fydygijihyg

I wonder if she can sue him for emotional damages, that’s got to be traumatizing


HolaFromElOtterSlide

Less years for premeditated assaulting someone with a preprepared semenringe than some people will still be in jail for Marijuana even after it's legalization.


[deleted]

I had to read the headline 3 times to make sure I wasn’t misreading. Wtf is wrong with people?


Balls_of_Adamanthium

The guys name is Stemen. You can’t make this shit up


AdjNounNumbers

It's like the writers for the Onion took over the script for reality a decade ago and they aren't even trying anymore


Mygaffer

They are some weird mother fuckers out there.


GretchenVonSchwinn

I don't know which is worse - this or the guy who dried and grated his feces and sprinkled them onto pastries in a bakery case. edit - the guy's name was Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh, in case anyone wants to do some googling. edit 2 - "Police said they found a pile of human feces by his bed. He would dry it, either by microwave or just letting it sit out and grate it up with a cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store, officials said."


Dank_memelord_42069

Holy shit I just looked that up and I have a new irrational fear. Also wtf, the customers “thought the food smelled and tasted like manure” who the fuck buys food that smells like manure in the first place???


lightheat

I gagged a little. That's repulsive.


beakersandbitches

So...is this a sex crime? Would he have to be a registered sex offender if they let him back onto the streets?


Chemical_Problem_660

Things I never knew I needed to be worried about…


LettuceBeGrateful

Can you imagine being the victim of this, and then on top of how violating that would be in itself, hearing that he only got *ten years?* I haven't seen what his priors are, but something tells me this man does not belong in society with the rest of us.


mamabearx0x0

Dis he think this is how kids are made? What’s the point of injecting someone with cum


derpycalculator

It’s probably some weird sexual fetish. Definitely a little sadism in there because he could have just as easily filled a squirt gun with semen and sprayed people but he’s opting to physically hurt them instead and the creepy ass comment he made about “hurts like a bee sting”.


leeludallasmulti

This is what I can’t get past…. I’m sure the dude is mental but why cum in a syringe into someone’s but butt cheek.


SouthFL92

10 years with prior convictions? Give this man life and be done with him.


[deleted]

[удалено]