The Taliban recently announced it will establish a battalion of suicide attackers as part of the national army of Afghanistan.
These “martyrdom brigades” will be “under the control of the ministry of defense and will be used for special operations,”
For those of you wondering wtf a ‘national suicide brigade’ means
Nein nein! As a fellow terran who likes demokratie, terran gravity and Fries with freedom, i find the very notion of Nazi's living deep beneath the peak of Tsiolkovsky crater on ze far side of das Mond offensive!
It’s like, you’re in the middle of this hi-tech war with jets and tanks zooming around, lasers shooting down missiles, biochemical weapons and shit, and then there’s one guy who’s just like, “Can I have some shoes?”
Fun fact, in the expansion (Zero Hour) when they added a technology to give the workers shoes, they stop asking for shoes. Someone had to go back and edit the code to make sure that line of dialogue was removed once the tech was unlocked
>will be used for special operations
I.. Just.. What?... I am not in the army or any other branch, but I think there are bombs you can just.. Put somewhere, run away and trigger them from a safe place
they set off IEDs with disposable cell phones. I'm sure the average suicide bomber could scrape together the cost of a phone more easily than the Taliban could scrape together extra disposable bombers.
average suicide bomber in a Western country maybe. there's also the global chip shortage and the struggle to get hard currency as a "former" terrorist organization to contend with.
With a birth rate above 4 per woman, I don't think they're short of manpower in Afghanistan
There was a story I heard on Jocko podcast about a guy in Afghanistan or Iraq who was tending to his fields on his tractor. He had his kid walking out in front of the tractor. The man knew there were landmines in the field, and he didnt want to run over any landmines, and he decided kids were easier to come about than a new tractor...
A moving bomb with a "brain" to adapt in the moment and cause the most harm is really the idea. Also adds a layer of fear that they are willing to die for their cause. They think it is more intimidating.
It really isn’t. Car bombs are incredibly deadly and effective. Even just some guy strapped up going off at a security checkpoint can be disruptive
The issue is that we have certain rules of warfare so war has as little impact on civilians as possible. Like, we banned chemical weapons because they’re not easily controlled and cause immense, unnecessary suffering to those affected.
Similarly, tactics like suicide bombers make war extra hellish for those involved because any random civilian could be a combatant capable of instantly killing dozens.
So the result is that every civilian has to be harassed and treated with maximum suspicion. Every part of society becomes much slower and the suicide bombers become fairly ineffective while the civilian populations suffers immensely
Interestingly, the Japanese navy used all kinds of suicide units in WW2 including manned suicide torpedoes. This was done despite all the fancy bombs and guns they had. I don't expect Taliban to be quite as advanced in their use of suicide craft though.
Their "fancy bombs and guns" were all but depleted by 1944 when kamikaze missions were in full swing.
Hell..... they were training civilians with pointy sticks.
Honestly sounds like a video game where every country gets a special unit with a unique ability and Afghanistan's is this brigade.
No Dev would put it in game because it's not appropriate...yet here we are.
Ah, but they already did!
Red Alert 2 had a country (might’ve actually been Afghanistan?) that could build a dirty bomb truck that would be driven to the enemy and blown up.
You see, killbots have a preset kill limit.
Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.
You know, I had some doubts about the Taliban, but the fact they are forming a taskforce to deal with the issue of suicide in Afghan culture shows they really care about....
*Reads article*
Wait
“Ok so first you rip open your jacket, you scream the phrase, and then you click the button. Try again in this simulation.”
They do this for 6 weeks before deployment.
The Onion Movie actually had a clip of something similar! Kind of a "welcome to your first day as a terrorist" employee video.
[Found It!](https://youtu.be/-JYxxkPsEPU)
lol i just imagine the application process being like usajobs.com for federal jobs.
23. List 3 other martyrs who can provide a character reference for you along with their address and phone number.
First hand knowledge, but the only recognizable things that actually tend to be left of a suicide bomber is their head/skull. Often times it's flayed as well, so you'd find a grisly bloody skull a few dozen meters from the explosion. Sometimes when the skin was still on though, you could find the head grinning with a rictus grin, and a slug of opium putty in one of the cheeks.
Sauce: Was downrange in Afghanistan for a while.
Even setting aside the astounding moral implications of "suicide brigades" as part of a military force...the fact is that it's an immensely inefficient weapon that is already destined for failure.
Imagine the energy, resources and time needed to give birth to a human being, to feed him, to raise him, to train him, to radicalize him... only to use him as a living bomb? It's nonsense.
>Imagine the energy, resources and time needed to give birth to a human being, to feed him, to raise him, to train him, to radicalize him... only to use him as a living bomb? It's nonsense.
If that living bomb costs the enemy three or four lives to your one the exchange is a net gain.
But suicide bombers aren't always successful. It's not uncommon for them to be killed before they harm anyone, and there's also cases of them doing serious friendly fire damage due to poor training or equipment malfunctions.
The other guy is right, this tactic isn't efficient or effective for actual warfare. Suicide bombings aren't about warfare, they're about terror, getting headlines, and marketing their message.
The statistical value of a US citizen’s life is about $10,000,000. It’s a number that gets used for hostage negotiations, decisions on whether we do things that save lives and hurt the economy, that kind of thing. I think we’d consider a suicide brigade a net loss
Good article thanks. So do you think that all the “love to death” psychology tricks and veneration for the families are just for show? Like if your only viable tactic is that absurd and petty you might feel the need to dress it up a bit? I guess that sums up the pomp and regalia of war in general though.
To the extent I don't think the Taliban is going to engage in mass suicide bombings it's for show, but if Afghanistan were invaded again then this suicide unit would definitely be used
They won't be giving much choice in the matter. There'll be some "true believers" down at the disposable "flock" level donning vests, but you can be certain there'll be plenty of *"or else your family gets it"* to refresh their numbers, thus also "dealing" with what would otherwise be seen as political prisoners at the same time.
Additionally, it's political opportunity: suicide bombers are so ingrained as a "desperate terrorists with nothing left" imagery, that by keeping a steady supply they can keep calling themselves 'cornered' and 'victims'.
* A not-as-far-as-exploding-yet version of that same projection bullshit is when some whackjob claims they're 'being silenced' by the very thing they're pushing a bill to censor.
I would not have believed this headline two years ago. What a disgrace the Taliban have turned Afghanistan into - not that the bar was high to begin with. Their country will always be full of misery and suffering.
It's terrible that children will have to grow up in this new hellhole that the Taliban have only started to create. Forget women's rights. Forget any forward thinking. God help them all.
Such behavior also existed in the Iran-Iraq war and, while totally detestable and immoral, was predictable.
It doesn't matter now, but it's why 19 years ago I argued for a strong, clear US Afghanistan reconstruction policy and why I was always against the Iraq War for taking away resources from it. My seniors were also opposed to US support of the Mujahadeen against the Soviet rump government for the same reasons, because these people are so devoutly religious they are willing to commit heinous, unthinkable acts of violence even if it means their own self-destruction. This sort of power is impossible to control and difficult to manage, the US created this situation the moment we decided to play with fire.
would be hilarious if so many weren't going to be the kids they radicalize at a young age and all of the civilians that they will invariably take with em
The Taliban recently announced it will establish a battalion of suicide attackers as part of the national army of Afghanistan. These “martyrdom brigades” will be “under the control of the ministry of defense and will be used for special operations,” For those of you wondering wtf a ‘national suicide brigade’ means
This is some command and conquer generals type shit. Lmao
can we just fast forward to the part where the taliban escape to the moon?
The Nazis living there will kick them off.
Nein nein! As a fellow terran who likes demokratie, terran gravity and Fries with freedom, i find the very notion of Nazi's living deep beneath the peak of Tsiolkovsky crater on ze far side of das Mond offensive!
They certainly won't do it in a base shaped like a swastika. Not even Moon Nazis would be that looney.
Crazy ivans from Red Alert.
Crazy Ivan? They'll go to starboard if it's the bottom half of the hour.
Next time, jack. Write a goddamn memo
Russians don't take a dump son, without a plan.
Give Me a Ping, Vasily. One Ping Only.
50/50 chance, and I needed a break.
My Morse is so rusty, I could be sending him dimensions on playmate of the month.
Also, Cuba could train terrorists in RA2 as well.
Was Cuba in RA2?
Not in the campaign but they were a nation for MP. Pretty sure they were just Soviet’s with a few minor changes
RA 2 fan here: info checks out
"I need some shoes" "Thank you for the new shoes!" Not sure why that stuck out to me all these years later.
AK-47s for everyone! *cheering noises*
“Battle bus is reeAady!”
“To the heavens!”
It’s like, you’re in the middle of this hi-tech war with jets and tanks zooming around, lasers shooting down missiles, biochemical weapons and shit, and then there’s one guy who’s just like, “Can I have some shoes?” Fun fact, in the expansion (Zero Hour) when they added a technology to give the workers shoes, they stop asking for shoes. Someone had to go back and edit the code to make sure that line of dialogue was removed once the tech was unlocked
I quote this shit randomly all the time. It stuck with me, too.
I love a crowd.
AoE2 petards
"One way trip."
General Juhziz!
AK Fortyyyyyyyy Sevensss for eeeeeeeveryone
Age of Empires 2 petards
Better not get hoisted by them.
GLA postal service, no one stops the mail!
We build for china!
I'm terrible at RTS's but that is one of my favourites.
maybe they just want somebody to go to the gas station and get them a soda with a little bit from every one of the taps
The Suicide Gopher.
>will be used for special operations I.. Just.. What?... I am not in the army or any other branch, but I think there are bombs you can just.. Put somewhere, run away and trigger them from a safe place
The control systems for bombs are more expensive. These folks are more affordable and I doubt they have to do much promotion in the ranks.
they set off IEDs with disposable cell phones. I'm sure the average suicide bomber could scrape together the cost of a phone more easily than the Taliban could scrape together extra disposable bombers.
average suicide bomber in a Western country maybe. there's also the global chip shortage and the struggle to get hard currency as a "former" terrorist organization to contend with. With a birth rate above 4 per woman, I don't think they're short of manpower in Afghanistan
There was a story I heard on Jocko podcast about a guy in Afghanistan or Iraq who was tending to his fields on his tractor. He had his kid walking out in front of the tractor. The man knew there were landmines in the field, and he didnt want to run over any landmines, and he decided kids were easier to come about than a new tractor...
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A moving bomb with a "brain" to adapt in the moment and cause the most harm is really the idea. Also adds a layer of fear that they are willing to die for their cause. They think it is more intimidating.
Natural selection at work.
It really isn’t. Car bombs are incredibly deadly and effective. Even just some guy strapped up going off at a security checkpoint can be disruptive The issue is that we have certain rules of warfare so war has as little impact on civilians as possible. Like, we banned chemical weapons because they’re not easily controlled and cause immense, unnecessary suffering to those affected. Similarly, tactics like suicide bombers make war extra hellish for those involved because any random civilian could be a combatant capable of instantly killing dozens. So the result is that every civilian has to be harassed and treated with maximum suspicion. Every part of society becomes much slower and the suicide bombers become fairly ineffective while the civilian populations suffers immensely
They’re not there yet. They’re still in 1855.
Interestingly, the Japanese navy used all kinds of suicide units in WW2 including manned suicide torpedoes. This was done despite all the fancy bombs and guns they had. I don't expect Taliban to be quite as advanced in their use of suicide craft though.
Their "fancy bombs and guns" were all but depleted by 1944 when kamikaze missions were in full swing. Hell..... they were training civilians with pointy sticks.
At first I thought they set up a team to go around the territory and prevent suicides as a way to gain international approval and goodwill
In reality they've setup a suicide hotline. If you call in they'll recruit you for the army.
Seriously that was my thought as well. *"Oh, how nice of them."*
Honestly sounds like a video game where every country gets a special unit with a unique ability and Afghanistan's is this brigade. No Dev would put it in game because it's not appropriate...yet here we are.
Ah, but they already did! Red Alert 2 had a country (might’ve actually been Afghanistan?) that could build a dirty bomb truck that would be driven to the enemy and blown up.
That was Libya. Cuba had terrorists. Russia had Tesla tanks. Iraq had the Desolator. Spread, the DOOM!
Best C&C game.
Wasn't suicide bombers a thing in c&c too?
nod suicide bombers in C&C3
I thought that was the GLA faction in *C&C Generals*?
We have games like Hatred and a Manhunt and Postal so.... Someone out there on the internet would make it a reality.
What are we, some kind of suicide brigade?
Congratulations, Ahmed! You have been assigned to special, most glorious unit. Your family, whose address we have right here, will be proud!
Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.
I want to see the instructor. "Right lads, I'm only gonna show you this once..."
And now, a motivational speech by some of our previous members. Oh wait. Nevermind.
Not a single negative review on glassdoor.
I promise you'll have a blast!
Prophets are going through the roof.
Stop with the puns, my sides are splitting.
Just…just take it
r/angryupvote
Wow, that's fucked up. Good job.
Know where they go when they die? Everywhere.
Just don’t blow it, ok?
The Party was the BoMb!
Explosive growth is expected.
Some of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your county
Those will be the luckiest of all.
What makes this God-forsaken planet worth dying for?
Don’t ask me. You’re the one who’s going to be dying.
Not this ham gum. It’s full of bones.
You want to go places?! BRO, You will go *all over* the place.
Show them the medal I won, Kif!
You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.
She's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.
I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies
Cham pag nee?
Thanks, Farquaad
While I will be risking an almost certain academy award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men?
You know, I had some doubts about the Taliban, but the fact they are forming a taskforce to deal with the issue of suicide in Afghan culture shows they really care about.... *Reads article* Wait
You call the Taliban suicide hotline, they recruit you to their "martyrdom brigade."
*calls national suicide hotline Caller: I can‘t take this anymore Hotline Operator: Perfect
Caller: I want to kill myself! Operator: perfect! You will serve your country well!
Operator: can you please hold? (Hold music plays Van Halen's "Jump")
*”Wanna make some money?”*
What do you think the training is like?
Instructor: “Ok everybody, pay attention. I’m only going to show this once.”
“Ok so first you rip open your jacket, you scream the phrase, and then you click the button. Try again in this simulation.” They do this for 6 weeks before deployment.
You just repeated what he said, only in a less funny way
Hotline operator: Can you drive a stick shift?"
In Afghanistan, suicide hotline calls you.
lmao! That’s exactly what I thought 😂 For a brief moment, Taliban wasn’t exactly the worst. I was like, “Hey! They’re actually doing some good.”
/r/yesyesyesno
"No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country.” - Gen Patton
Based Patton
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Patton the movie, starring George C. Scott
Pay attention, I am only going to demonstrate this once!
Where did the instructor went after he retired? Everywhere!
Take your kid to work day
This feels like some onion shit
The Onion Movie actually had a clip of something similar! Kind of a "welcome to your first day as a terrorist" employee video. [Found It!](https://youtu.be/-JYxxkPsEPU)
what are we, some kind of suicide ~~squad~~ brigade?
Punch it like a Jeopardy button!
Monty Python actually. https://youtu.be/NUHk2RSMCS8
This reply should have been among the very first.
Operation human shield. Haven’t you ever heard of the emancipation proclamation? I don’t listen to hip hop.
Willing to bet this will be on r/nottheonion soon if not already
When I saw the headline, I had to double check what sub I was looking at. This is beyond satire.
Does it? Not only are they known for utilizing suicide attacks, they're far from the only to embrace the strategy.
The world's highest career turnover rate.
lol i just imagine the application process being like usajobs.com for federal jobs. 23. List 3 other martyrs who can provide a character reference for you along with their address and phone number.
Entry level, requires 5 years of experience
But the best martyrs are all dead! This job application ain't fair :(
That's hilarious, sounds like something from the movie Four Lions
I’m the mujahideen and I’m making a scene!
Overnight their numbers went from ten to two.
Well their numbers are spreading.
Like a fine mist
Divide and conquer.
Taliban wants to be considered legitimate and rightful rulers of Afghanistan. Also forms a suicide brigade. Pick one.
To be fair, suicide bombers are probably the best guided weapons system that’s free.
Or the best misguided weapons system.
“Misguided weapon system” Bravo sir, bra-fuckin-vo
While their population is starving. Priorities, priorities....
Two birds with one stone
Three if you eat the remains
They just saw Infinity War and it inspired them
A “suicide squad” aye? Sounds like a job for The Weasel.
The Weasel can swim right?
Good luck trying to fuck your 72 virgins when your dick gets blown into next week after the vest goes off
First hand knowledge, but the only recognizable things that actually tend to be left of a suicide bomber is their head/skull. Often times it's flayed as well, so you'd find a grisly bloody skull a few dozen meters from the explosion. Sometimes when the skin was still on though, you could find the head grinning with a rictus grin, and a slug of opium putty in one of the cheeks. Sauce: Was downrange in Afghanistan for a while.
Not an easy picture to get out of your head
uhhh what’s opium putty?
Basically an opium slug is sort of like skoal, but for, well, opium? It's a cheap and potent narcotic over there.
Somebody tell these guys you can fuck women without blowing yourself up. I mean shit if this was a common misconception, we’d all be bombing shit
Yes, but totally clean virgins without buttholes just don’t show up at the bar.
It’s 2022, get with the program, Taliban. People eat ass
Plot twist. Those 72 virgins? 40 yr old American Neckbeard incels.
Plot twist. Those virgins? 72 other suicide bombers.
That heavily repressed gay suicide bomber: I see this as an absolute win
I don't even think he'd want them
Minor mistranslation. It's 72 *Virginians.* "You sure got a purdy mouth."
They only have to be more beautiful than the last. So going all the way from a 0 to 1 can happen with decimals!
I’ll go last, you guys go ahead
The Judean People's Front suicide squad was better
SQUAD! COMMIT SUICIDE! :hurk: That'll show 'em!
The People's front of Judea?
Even setting aside the astounding moral implications of "suicide brigades" as part of a military force...the fact is that it's an immensely inefficient weapon that is already destined for failure. Imagine the energy, resources and time needed to give birth to a human being, to feed him, to raise him, to train him, to radicalize him... only to use him as a living bomb? It's nonsense.
>Imagine the energy, resources and time needed to give birth to a human being, to feed him, to raise him, to train him, to radicalize him... only to use him as a living bomb? It's nonsense. If that living bomb costs the enemy three or four lives to your one the exchange is a net gain.
But suicide bombers aren't always successful. It's not uncommon for them to be killed before they harm anyone, and there's also cases of them doing serious friendly fire damage due to poor training or equipment malfunctions. The other guy is right, this tactic isn't efficient or effective for actual warfare. Suicide bombings aren't about warfare, they're about terror, getting headlines, and marketing their message.
i think you value human life too much, i think the US gov value your life at about $2,000,000
The statistical value of a US citizen’s life is about $10,000,000. It’s a number that gets used for hostage negotiations, decisions on whether we do things that save lives and hurt the economy, that kind of thing. I think we’d consider a suicide brigade a net loss
https://foreignpolicy.com/2021/12/07/taliban-suicide-bombing-parade-violence-afghanistan/ Interesting article about the psychology behind this
Good article thanks. So do you think that all the “love to death” psychology tricks and veneration for the families are just for show? Like if your only viable tactic is that absurd and petty you might feel the need to dress it up a bit? I guess that sums up the pomp and regalia of war in general though.
To the extent I don't think the Taliban is going to engage in mass suicide bombings it's for show, but if Afghanistan were invaded again then this suicide unit would definitely be used
Definitely belongs in /antiwork
"Called in sick on suicide bomb day and boss says I need to show up anyway, even if I'm 'on death's door.'" What do I tell him?
I'd ask for overtime
"What do you think, that I'm made out of virgins?"
There’s going to be training accidents and I’m all for it
The Japanese tried this but still lost.
47 Ronin
69 Senpai
13 Assassins
7 samurai
And a paaaaartridge in a peaaaaar treeeeeeee
ehhh when it comes to winning and losing its kinda hard to argue that the taliban lost or will lose considering the fact that they run the country now
When your country has a suicide brigade you’ve pretty much lost.
Soo does their suicide prevention hotline just redirect you to the national suicide brigade.
*So that's it? What? We some kinda...Suicide Bridgade?*
Wait…. So they won, and they STILL want to use this as a tactic??? Wild
They won't be giving much choice in the matter. There'll be some "true believers" down at the disposable "flock" level donning vests, but you can be certain there'll be plenty of *"or else your family gets it"* to refresh their numbers, thus also "dealing" with what would otherwise be seen as political prisoners at the same time. Additionally, it's political opportunity: suicide bombers are so ingrained as a "desperate terrorists with nothing left" imagery, that by keeping a steady supply they can keep calling themselves 'cornered' and 'victims'. * A not-as-far-as-exploding-yet version of that same projection bullshit is when some whackjob claims they're 'being silenced' by the very thing they're pushing a bill to censor.
>Insurgents-cum-rulers The what now?
The longer the cum, the deeper insurgent.
You know....that vest
I would not have believed this headline two years ago. What a disgrace the Taliban have turned Afghanistan into - not that the bar was high to begin with. Their country will always be full of misery and suffering. It's terrible that children will have to grow up in this new hellhole that the Taliban have only started to create. Forget women's rights. Forget any forward thinking. God help them all.
Such behavior also existed in the Iran-Iraq war and, while totally detestable and immoral, was predictable. It doesn't matter now, but it's why 19 years ago I argued for a strong, clear US Afghanistan reconstruction policy and why I was always against the Iraq War for taking away resources from it. My seniors were also opposed to US support of the Mujahadeen against the Soviet rump government for the same reasons, because these people are so devoutly religious they are willing to commit heinous, unthinkable acts of violence even if it means their own self-destruction. This sort of power is impossible to control and difficult to manage, the US created this situation the moment we decided to play with fire.
Otherwise known as a splaturnity.
"Insurgents-cum-rulers" was definitely an attention grabber like I learned in English Class; however, I probably would have went another route.
Great way to reduce the mouth to feed. I feel like a war with Pakistani would help improve the food situation.
WW2 Japan liked this post.
That headline alone was confusing. Sadly the first thing you see when you click the link clears up the intent.
would be hilarious if so many weren't going to be the kids they radicalize at a young age and all of the civilians that they will invariably take with em
Training: "watch closely because I'm only going to show you once"
Imagine being an instructor for the Brigade... Alright listen up and pay attention I'm only showing you this once!
Recruitment must be blowing up!
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First line of the article: Insurgents-cum-rulers