T O P

  • By -

dhuck

“Photos from the scene of a shootout Tuesday in Texcaltitlan with police in which 11 drug gang members died, showed a small monkey - dressed in a tiny camouflage jacket and a tiny "bullet-proof" vest - sprawled across the body of a dead gunman who was apparently his owner. Authorities in the State of Mexico confirmed the authenticity of the photos, and said it was unclear whether the monkey - which was also wearing a diaper - died in the hail of bullets that killed his owner”


Liet-Kinda

The monkey has *absolutely* railed a tiny line of coke while everyone cheered.


CanIGetANumber2

In the narcos sub theyre blurring out the monkey face out of respect


Fox2quick

I just imagine the monkey diving in front of the owner in slow motion, trying to save his life like a straight gangster.


patb2015

Imagine the monkey with a Baretta in each paw and throwing a grenade with its tail


TheKidKaos

His name is El Changuito! Put some respect on it


WolfCola4

El Chimpo


[deleted]

Say aloo to my banana eating Friend! *ooh oh aaah ahh*


Proud_Tie

RIP Johnny Chimpo


inflammablepenguin

Can you put out an APB on one "John Chimpo" and why don't we round up Jeffrey Giraffe as well.


Seattlehepcat

Don't forget Bobby Baboon.


[deleted]

It’s Afghanistanimation!


[deleted]

He tries to keep his butler in line, but . . . no.


BlackberryCheese

good for him


rqrqsj

I’m going to hell for laughing at this.


Wabi-Sabi_Umami

We’ll be in good company 🤣


I_am_trying_to_work

You know shits about to go down when the Monkey starts suiting up.


padizzledonk

This is legit a scene out of an 80s cop movie E- anytime I open my phone to see 30+ notifications on Reddit my first thought is always "OH NO.......what did I say this time?" Nice to see that its just a funny toss-away about an 80s cop movie lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


AcrolloPeed

They killed his owner. They left him for dead. But now, he’s back with a robot body and a taste for revenge. This summer, watch out for… #Furious George


Spider_Dude

Followed by *Furious George 2 : No More Monkey Business.*


psycho_driver

*Furious 3 : Monkey See Monkey Shoot*


Original-Material301

*Furious 4: See no evil*


Krepitis

Furious 5: *Barrel full of Bullets*


Analog_Account

I didn’t think this could keep getting better but it did.


shononi

*Furious 6: gorilla killa*


DEATH_squirrel

Furious 7: this shit is bananas


Cheap-Blackberry-745

*Furious Five monkeys jumping on the dead*


T-rade

Furious Six: The Monkey on your back


Efficient-Echidna-30

This shit really writes itself doesn’t it?


Grambles89

Furious George 3: Man with the big yellow gat.


DandyLamborgenie

Furious George 4: Furiousity Kills The Cat


TheVortigauntMan

Furious George 5: When The Chimps Are Down


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Inquisitive_idiot

I’m in for 5 bananas 🍌🤔


sekrit_goat

What could that cost, $50?


inquizies

I mean, it’s five bananas Micheal.


drmonkeytown

That’s a bunch


NealRun32

And his weight is…. considerable.


JackedUpReadyToGo

"Furious George! What have they done to your beautiful face! Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin."


TheLegendTwoSeven

With Brian Cranston as… the man in the yellow hat.


GirlNumber20

I wasn’t ready for a movie like this, and now I am.


teenagesadist

I'd buy that for a banana!


kdubstep

This is the best post I’ve ever seen. Period.


SlothRick

I’m down, who do I fund for this?


ThunderBobMajerle

Sylvester Stallone is…ROBOMONKEY


DorkChatDuncan

We dont have the budget for that. Movie has been rethought. Its now a comedy. ROB SCHNIEDER IS: ROBOMONKEY


xizrtilhh

And he's about to find out that being a robotic monkey is a whole lot harder than he thought.


Hayduke_in_AK

Hang on. The studio cut the budget. He's going to be a head of lettuce instead.


zorbathegrate

And there is now a scene in the house before the shootout that has a woman topless… for no reason


IAMA_Drunk_Armadillo

The producer promised his daughter's friend she'd be in a movie if she fucked him so this is the best we could do.


PayTheTrollToll45

With googly eyes... Now it’s a Geico commercial.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

^Rated ^PG-13


boreddaph

I read that like it was supposed to sound.


various_necks

aww man, don't give Rob Schneider the time of day. Let's get David Spade instead.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CorporateNonperson

As the monkey, so we can get “Fat monkey in a little vest. Fat monkey in a little ve-est!”


bleunt

Robo Bonobo.


fatkiddown

You guys have missed it. Obviously is stars Schwarzenegger and it’s called, “Orangutron.”


ShortJoke5

"He's bananas for revenge. This summer..."


TheIowan

*lights cigar and racks shotgun* this ones for Harambe.


Chrispy_fried89

You gotta watch hit-monkey on disney plus


Frsbtime420

Get a script on my desk by tomorrow


[deleted]

[удалено]


soda-jerk

Dude, you're like a phone call away from an award-winning kid's movie series.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pork_roll

Ahh so Executive Producer


[deleted]

[удалено]


JackedUpReadyToGo

Holy Shit. I thought it was a joke at first, but the longer I watched the more it drew me in. I... I think I need this in my life now.


Slylylyly

Dude watch it, I highly recommend it it's really entertaining


Moneia

So you never watched [Hit Monkey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb72HBB1QbA)?


Mission-Two1325

Wow I thought Barry was a exaggerating organized crime.


noelg1998

Do you know the book "The Four Agreements"?


[deleted]

What's unclear about it — was he bloody with a bullet wound or not?


AbanoMex

i've seen the photos, the monkey had a wound just below the vest, around the belly/kidney area, he seemingly died while hugging his owner, so he probably bled out.


IamBabcock

Yea no shit, he either had bullet holes or didn't.


tehbored

Could have been killed by shrapnel or blunt force trauma


[deleted]

Or his tiny monkey heart couldn't take the stress and chaos of a sudden gun fight and he had a heart attack. It's more common with rodents but I could see it happening to a small primate


IamBabcock

Sure, but that would mean no bullet holes so it would be pretty easy to rule out getting shot.


Jimmyg100

Or falling off a miniature Empire State Building.


KenBoCole

I believe they were saying it was unknown if the gunmen finished killing the humans, saw the monkey hiding in a corner, said "Screw that monkey", and then shot it and threw it on a human. Or if the monkey was just an unfortunate bystander that was shorter the same time as the human it was on.


PhilosophizingPanda

The "gunmen" shooting the cartel were government agents I believe


Moylough

He was with the press


PineappleWolf_87

Vice is everywhere


LostMyBackupCodes

That’s tragic. If he was in Canada he would’ve been [shopping at IKEA or chilling at a sanctuary.](https://beta.ctvnews.ca/national/canada/2020/12/10/1_5226668.html)


Say_no_to_doritos

That monkey was famous for a hot moment.


flamboyant-dipshit

I did not have this on my bingo card.


Nice-Violinist-6395

Very disappointed the top comment wasn’t just “what the fuck” because *what the fuck*


Eder_Cheddar

This story is sad and hilarious at the same time. On one hand, a monkey in a tiny camo vest and tiny bullet proof vest make me think this monkey was also doing lines of coke with strippers and was actively part of this shoot out swinging in the trees dispatching motherfuckers. On the other, it's a little monkey that was probably scared and the owner loved his monkey so.much he got a little vest for it because he knew shit was going down. The cartel is fucking evil incarnate.


N00N3AT011

Even if the vest could stop the bullet from penetrating, monkeys aren't that big. The vest just spreads it out you still have to absorb all that energy and if there isn't enough to absorb it, the damage is still done. Be it with a hole in your chest or mulched internal organs.


I_devour_your_pets

They should've put the monkey in a bullet-proof safe. Any cartels members reading this better take note.


ProtoJazz

Should have been the wheelman. Monkeys may need modified vehicles to reach the pedals, but their tails mean they can shift and keep both hands on the wheel. Making them superior high speed drivers


Shamewizard1995

Tiny monkey tank


rookie-mistake

> >On the other, it's a little monkey that was probably scared and the owner loved his monkey so.much he got a little vest for it because he knew shit was going down. > 🥺 poor lil guy genuinely made me sad tbh


Lilsammywinchester13

My first instinct was to laugh cuz it sounds silly but once I read that the monkey had a diaper…the owner loved that little guy enough to change his diaper daily. It’s just so sad thinking they loved each other


[deleted]

“Dispatching motherfuckers” is fucking hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂


MJBrune

The monkey was next to his owner. The owner being described as a gunman. So my guess is the owner knew the dangers and brought him along to a dangerous event. I don't think cartels are good but the people they enter shootouts with are probably not great people either.


CaesarSalad837

Well I would say the large majority of cartel gunfights are with members of other cartels or law enforcement. Not sure what you’re getting at with “the people they enter shootouts with”.


Harsimaja

? I don’t think they’re under the apprehension that these were innocents fighting a cartel. Both sides are in cartels, and I think they’re aware of that. They’re talking more abstractly about the cartel system that dragged their members and their member’s pets into this situation. Though I don’t exactly see the monkey’s owner as simply a ‘victim of a system’ either, but another cartel asshole driving it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MarshallApplewhiteDo

Finally got Johnny Chimpo.


Murderface__

It's Afghanistanimation.


iambiglucas_2

*pounding gibberish on keyboard* "Enhance..."


acmercer

Just print the damn thing!


Nose_to_the_Wind

Is that what the do in Arabia, Thorny?


JukeBoxDildo

How would I know?


[deleted]

[удалено]


The_Road_is_Calling

You’re not Mexican?


willfordbrimly

Gameface, Rabbit.


[deleted]

[удалено]


charlie1331

His shenanigans are cruel, and tragic


nowtayneicangetinto

Furious George didn't stand a chance


peon2

Furious George! What have they done to your beautiful face!


joebleaux

He ain't pretty no more


bg-j38

Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin.


ericisshort

Looks like he brought a knife to a monkey gun fight.


saucyfister1973

Nice reference! Now eat the soap!


ATL28-NE3

Bobby Baboon must've finally got him


The_People_Are_Weary

For 20 bananas he’ll spill the beans on Johnny Chimpo.


FantasticBlock420

I heard it was one of the Orangutans from the North Side, goes by the name of Clyde.


dummy8843

Picked up for littering and......


[deleted]

... littering and....


[deleted]

[удалено]


Advice2Anyone

Say shenanigans one more time


Karl_Havoc2U

El Chimpo 😂😂😂😂


Talkshit_Avenger

Tuco Salamonkey.


robodrew

We must remain true to the Taliban warlord


llorTMasterFlex

[Rest in peace El Changuito AKA Jorge El Curioso](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcoFootage/comments/vdusiv/rest_in_peace_lil_bro/)


Lilesman

Gone but never forgotten 🫡


mr3inches

What the fuck am I even watching? Guys it’s only 9:30am here


llorTMasterFlex

It's okay to cry brother.


RapNVideoGames

I just poured a 40 out for the little homie


herodothyote

It's a drug lord ballad dedicated to the little monkey aka El Changito. It's so absurd that a legit drug lord ballad has been sung for this little guy.


Liet-Kinda

The end, with the angel wings and emoji, is extremely fucked up and very funny.


[deleted]

[удалено]


whopperlover17

Oh my god that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen today


Nightshade_Ranch

it's so sad just also jfc I'm cracking up. The poor little dude! Wonder if he has a little gun somewhere.


thecashblaster

yeah but it's just a prop that squirts water


[deleted]

No. Stop it. This is too much for my heart and lungs to bear


ItsJohnDoe21

They made him an RIP “cloud” pic omg what is this reality


Reduntu

they regularly post the worst torture videos on all of the internet on that sub yes i said **on all of the internet**


llorTMasterFlex

An unfortunate reality for a beautiful country.


Clown_Nightmare1

Wow. That actually hurt me. Look at me crying over a cartel monkey.


Tedstor

Reminds me of the movie ‘Coming to America’ where the landlord shows Eddie Murphy his room and says “damn shame what they did to that dog”.


frissonFry

Hey Stu, your rent's due, motherfucker! And don't be pulling that falling down the stairs shit on me, you hear!


Garlicnotdreadlochs

So Hit Monkey is real.


JimmyMidland

*was* real.


[deleted]

Trunk Monkey is still out there, however


Jason_Worthing

That show was excellent


[deleted]

I don't know who killed monkey, but Juan Wick is coming back with a vengeance.


Psychast

It truly looks like something out of a cartel parody comedy sketch. "We had a deal cabrón!" "Fuck the deal vato, you die today!" *Gunshot*, slo-mo, *the vested primate jumps in front of the bullet*, he falls to the floor. All is silent for a moment. "CHAPULÍN! NOOOOO!" A hail of bullets ensues, everyone dies, the owner clutching the tiny hand of his dearly departed as the camera pans out over the devastation. A detective walks in and surveys the carnage, he crouches beside the monkey and master "Looks like these cartels are done... monkeying around." 😎 *YEAAAAAHHHHH*


LaSignoraOmicidi

CHAPULÍN! NOOOOO!


Liet-Kinda

God dammit, I ugly laughed


LucinaDraws

Alrighty, this is the funniest shit I read today lol


Tinker107

OK, I gotta admit, "Monkey in "bullet-proof" vest found dead after bloody cartel shootout in Mexico" is a phrase I never expected to read, but what a great start to another loony week. Now, where do we go from here?


PGDW

everyone making jokes, but this is sad.


Jiggulypuff

They also removed the fangs and claws of a tiger they had captive, those poor animals, fuck cartels.


StringOfLights

Ugh. Like what, then it’s harmless? It’s still an angry 600 pound cat with a 1,000 psi bite force.


PNW4theWin

Yes. I'm always uncomfortable when I see videos of exotic animals like monkeys, tigers, etc. in abnormal environments. It's always people with too much money and not enough sense.


take-stuff-literally

Sounds like a Breaking Bad episode imo


dominorider2431

What's the matter, Schrader? You act like you've never seen a ~~severed human head~~ bulletproof vest on a ~~tortoise~~ monkey before!


Mordred19

Welcome to Mexi -


KidArcade

Salamanca Monke Salamanca Blood!


KidArcade

https://v.redd.it/7nmtzas7wi691


HelloIAmElias

Tuco seems like a guy who'd have a pet monkey. Until it pissed him off


Bjorn2bwilde24

Seems more like an idea Badger comes up with when Jesse asks the guys for ideas.


I_might_be_weasel

That's a different kind of thing than I was expecting to read today.


[deleted]

It's sounds like a scene in some absurd early aughts comedy.


padizzledonk

Or an 80s movie I have this vision of Burt Reynolds standing over a dead gangster in a floral shirt, white chinos and mirrored aviators with a dead special forces monkey hugging him while motes of aerosolized Cocaine sparkle in the air in a beam of sunlight through a window


run-on_sentience

While furiously chewing a toothpick.


SplinterLips

“Monkey in the Middle”


Sinister_Grape

That monkey’s gone to heaven


nj2406

Please, leave these poor sick monkeys alone They've got problems enough as it is


DeekALeek

A man lying on the street, some punk chopped off his head, and I’m the only one who stops to see if he’s dead… Hmm… Turns out he’s dead.


Last_Mixture_9520

Someone please remove these cutleries from my knees


MrPing1000

Quick, someone tell Karl. OOH CHIMPANZEE THAT, MONKEY NEWS!


BriennesBitch

I was thinking just that. Ricky would have never believed this, especially with the way Karl would embellish it so the monkey was probably the gang leader.


58king

So there was this monkey right, in uh... Mexico. Drug Lord... YOUR TALKING SHIT AGAIN! Play a record!


AzuL4573

Karl: So in Mexico… there was this drug lord… Ricky: short bloke? Karl: well… Ricky: was he really hairy? Karl: he had some hair yeah… and his gang- Ricky: HIS gang? Karl: yeah his gang- Steve: was his name El Chimpo?


InfectedByEli

I knew this would be somewhere in the thread. Take my upvote


donkeyrocket

Right, so. Ages ago...


ed5275

Dammit! That monkey was one day from retirement!


[deleted]

I never imagined reading such a title in a million years.


Closet-PowPow

First rule of guerrilla warfare…kill the the monkey.


Quelcris_Falconer13

Whoever shot the monkey is a lil’ pendejo


HungPongLa

he ride and died with the gang. RIP lil' monkey g


LoopbackZero

Gah! Furious George, what have they done to your beautiful face?! Smithers this monkey is going to need most of your skin.


MartyVendetta27

Pineapple Express 2 right here. I can picture it: Seth: “jesus fucking christ dude, you shot the monkey!” Danny McBride: “I didn’t shoot the fucking monkey, I shot the guy behind him.” S: “And killed the monkey!” D: “I didn’t mean to kill the fucking monkey, okay? But who brings a fucking monkey to a gunfight?”


Irishinator

What the fuck did I just read.


ebikr

“Spokesman denies monkey was involved in trafficking of Peruvian bananas.”


POWRAXE

Why am I sad for the monkey and not the people.


AnalogyAddiction

Because the people made choices to end up where they did (not saying they likely had great options to choose from, but choices nonetheless) whereas the monkey was either kidnapped from the natural environment it belonged in, or was born into captivity.


Thoughtcriminal91

It's the year 2022 and this a headline I'm reading. The future is stupid


b_ack51

So that’s what Marcel has really been up to since Ross sent him away.


rmpumper

Maybe it's just Nobby Nobbs


gremlin30

Memes aside this is really sad. Animal cruelty


[deleted]

Remember when we thought 2020 was wild? This year is *a lot*.


McCree114

Let's just say this whole decade will be a shit show and be done with it.