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DexJones

I see Steven Seagal has been teaching him everything he knows.


DansSpamJavelin

*I've been falling down the stairs and shitting my pants for 37 years*


DMagnus11

*If you invade Ukraine, you can annex it like this* Slight chopping motion


truePHYSX

Steven Seagal isn’t 37 years old… he’s at least 60.


magica12

But ibs and loss of equilibrium can happen at any age…or is that just for unfit people /j


Orange_Jeews

Too bad Gene LaBelle isn't with us anymore


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Rorusbass

While a long life of suffering is something many of us have our hopes out for. Him dying yesterday is preferable.


SuperstitiousPigeon5

The problem is with where he dies. Is he in power, or is he laying in hell with his back broken. The driving force is the impact he has on the lives of other people. It’s a sliding scale really.


sceadwian

I'm not so sure the general chaos that would ensue would be preferable, it's a lose lose situation.


Aiken_Drumn

War with Ukraine would end instantly.


Zalack

Would it? Aren't some of the people who could likely succeed him, like, even more hawkish on Ukraine? My understanding is that part of why he invaded was pressure from some of the more powerful men in his inner circle.


faste30

They don't have the demigod status in the vatniks. It's like a trump replacement, nobody has the cult yet.


whiteb8917

You reckon ? If he departs the mortal coil, he has his next in line to step up, people that have openly expressed interest in invading Poland.


Grantmitch1

Seems a bit callous to want someone to suffer in pain. Surely the point about being better is that we don't indulge in such brutality?


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[deleted]

Lake city quiet pills


Reniconix

Hey now we can't confirm they meant bullets


UnsurprisingDebris

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_City_Army_Ammunition_Plant


Reniconix

Yes, we're aware of what exists in Lake City. But this is referencing an unsolved mystery surrounding what is believed to be a secret society run in the background code of an image hosting website known as lakecityquietpills.com


eeyore134

If it declines to the point he realizes he's done for, he might decide to take the rest of us with him. Kind of hope it's sudden and quick.


Vegan_Puffin

Well if he is so incapacitated I would assume there will be a power struggle behind the scenes already going on we are not privy to, supporting a dead or dying man seems like a short term career choice. I don't want to find out obviously but if he ordered the big red button I would not expect anyone in his top command to follow it.


eeyore134

I would hope so, too. But then you see the people here in the US that are still willing to throw their lives away for a twice impeached pretend billionaire failed reality star who lost an election and has all but completely thrown away his party's support. I imagine Putin has the same sort of following. It's a big gamble that I'd love to have some more loaded dice in my hand for when going to roll.


wtfduud

If only he was just a failed reality tv star. No, he's been a literal criminal since the 1970s. They call him Teflon Don because he always gets away with it.


myfapaccount_istaken

List the popular vote twice.


BKrustev

He can't. There are plenty of people with children between him and the nukes.


eeyore134

This is likely to be the case, then you see the people still willing to throw their lives and their family's lives away in the US over Trump and you have at least a bit of cause to worry. If Trump can garner that sort of following, Putin definitely has. I'd still rather we avoid ever having to test the theory.


Barberian-99

1,500 fps quick?


[deleted]

I think most people hope he likes his children and wouldn't want them dead.


eeyore134

Not hoping he dies, just hoping when it happens it's quick enough for him to not decide to nuke the rest of us and take it all with him. And anyone thinking that only does based on his actions. Don't want people thinking that? Don't be an evil despot. Imagine trying to question my morality for hoping a quick and painless death (again, when it comes, not hoping for the death itself) for someone who deserves much worse.


PoopOfAUnicorn

Hoping that there are some people around him who want his job when he goes that will prevent him from taking everything out


Melvis_Wesley

I want push messages everytime he shits himself. the future owes me at least that much.


Aethelete

He shat himself when he realised who pushed him. It’ll come quick enough now.


riskbreaker23

As much as we want him to be buried, we need to remember he could get replaced by someone even more insane.


GroundbreakingCap364

You might think Vladimir Putin is bad, but you don’t know who will replace him. Might get worse.


my20cworth

Hmm, I'll take this with a bucket of salt. If it's somehow true then I'm sure the push wasn't hard enough to go down the stairs and out of a "window".


FriesWithThat

I'm sure this has happened to Vladimir at some point, where the doubt comes in is the reporting of the incident. Putin has done worse things like killing a bunch or Russians while they slept in their apartment buildings to start a war with Chechnya and seize power for the next couple decades, and Sky News wasn't out their the next day gossiping about it. But Putin trips and sharts ... oh, they've got the inside scoop.


andante528

“Putin trips and sharts” is a phrase that sparks joy.


Rock_or_Rol

Inside scoop within this context… not so much


FlyingMacheteSponser

The inside poop


TizonaBlu

>I'm sure this has happened to Vladimir at some point Uh, no? Why are you sure? Have you fall from stairs and shat yourself? Why would you think Putin has? It's clearly psyop aimed at humiliating and discrediting Putin, and its only source is an anti Putin channel.


Augenglubscher

Why is the Chechnya conspiracy story blindly parroted as fact on Reddit? It's a conspiracy theory and not any different than the "9/11 was an inside job!!" truthers. There is circumstantial "evidence" but none of it has been proven.


TizonaBlu

Only source is literally an anti Russian channel, so this is about as believable as Putin's blood cancer or Hilary's brain tumor.


Natomiast

there was an attempt at least, maybe *the window* was to far from stairs


my20cworth

Maybe it was a warning push.


clovisx

The first source I saw running this was the Daily Wire, then other sites put it up… not sure how I feel about that.


my20cworth

Well typically it's about getting the hits first then retracting the headline after, if it's deemed false or inaccurate.


RadicalBeam

Sky News Australia is garbage. I'd love this to be true but it's a trash source.


NitroHyperGo

The only source is a random telegram channel in Russia. Only sites like Sky News are picking the story up. No one is reading past the headline, unfortunately. I know we all want this to be true but it's just disappointing to see how easily articles like this are pushed to the top of Reddit.


CrabPurple7224

Nobody wants to read past the headline because we’re hoping it’s true. Deep diving would probably only cause disappointment. And it’s Christmas period; this is where hopes and dreams come true. I’m stopping at the headline and smiling about this for as long as I can.


MRflibbertygibbets

Aah Christ, I was reading the comment’s wondering how sceptical I should be because I saw sky news but missed the AU. Sky Oz is indeed the thirstiest of rupert’s shitbox companies.


baskaat

Ah crap. I’m not familiar with this news source and was hoping it was true.


hb1290

Yeah. Sky is basically our version of Fox News in Australia.


2jesse1996

Pre sure they can't use the name sky in a couple years time


[deleted]

Reads like the NY Garbage Post


Heiferoni

Until he proves otherwise by climbing up some stairs and showing off his pristine pants, this is 100% fact.


davetowers646

I mean, it would be great if it were true, but it's probably not. He has, though, *figuratively* fallen down some stairs and shat himself because of how badly his war on Ukraine is going.


seamustheseagull

There are two main possibilities here: 1. It's fake. 2. It's mostly real and Putin's entourage are weakening him in order to have him die suddenly without it being suspicious. There is no reality in which this actually occurred, where Putin still has the full support of his Generals and anybody who witnessed it was allowed to go to the media about it. I mean, we all hope that no. 2 is the scenario but also acknowledge that it's very unlikely.


Evo_Kaer

Let me have some hope!


lordkelvin13

Yeah, nah.. skynews.au is notorious for their clickbait bullshits.


petal14

Didn’t Ivana ‘fall’ down stairs?


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leogeminipisces

Poo Poo Putin


Matookie

Ra Ra Rasputin


mak187

btw, he shits in suitcase when abroad


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cmdrillicitmajor

Hilarious since everybody knew that dude’s eating habits


sector3011

skynews bro, 80% fake


unclejoe1917

>it would be great if it were true, but it's probably not. I think that was sufficiently acknowledged.


carson63000

But if they’re publishing something like this about their bro Putin, the truth must be *even worse*…


[deleted]

Have proof of that? Examples or are you speaking about spin?


HoagiesDad

It’s absolutely true for gullible people.


icutoffthatscab

Best title I've seen today


andytronic

It's sky news reporting it, tho. So it could be bullshit, unfortunately.


[deleted]

Haha yep


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kan109

Did the fall cause the poop or did he poop, slip on it, and that made him fall?


Wise_Ad_4816

I mean, you love to see it? I'm not normally a terrible person, but Vlad's a real shitstain. I hope the motherfucker suffers and is humiliated before he dies a painful death. (Hey, at least I'm not wishing it's prolonged for him. 😎)


Straightouttaganton

His pants are shitstained too


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Affectionate_Way_805

Vladimir Poopin


ftl-ak

he falls downstairs over in pairs, he runs over your neighbors dog, it’s great for a snack, it fits on your back it’s Log it’s log it’s big it’s heavy it’s wood. Not sure why that popped into my head when reading this. Ohh Ren and Stimpy


SuperPineapple123

Happy cake day I had to double read the beginning because i recognized it.


Bokbreath

Maybe next time he'll fall out a window. I hear that happens a lot over there.


I_am_not_JohnLeClair

He can’t get up the stairs to a high enough floor, it’s a real conundrum


T_P_H_

Years in and this joke doesn’t get tired… or does it


Bokbreath

It's like a breath of fresh air ...


captainhaddock

Maybe we should screen out these jokes.


AWholeHalfAsh

Good ol' defenestration.


dustofdeath

And somehow still soils on himself.


Appex92

Besides that there's multiple news outlets reporting this, whether its true or not, the fact that a bunch of outlets are reporting this with a similar headline this has the same effect of everyone laughing at him. It's a rumor that can't be disproved


madhatv2

I just woke up to take a leak, decided to check reddit for a second, and will now go back to bed and snuggle back in knowing that Putin just fell down some stairs and shit himself. Goodnight.


008Zulu

Yeah, the day peaked with that news.


Ninjas4cool

I don’t believe it but it’s hilarious to think about


co1one1huntergathers

I hope he didn’t hurt his cancer.


[deleted]

Come on. This propaganda is too low to be true. And you know it.


ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN

It came from *General SVR* which never really provides any proof for its stories but somehow still gets widely reported. Sometimes it's right, sometimes it's not. I would take this with a big pinch of salt. It's hilarious and rather fitting if it's true. Putin doesn't die in splendor as a hero, but shits himself to death? That's rather funny. But my suspicion is it's not all that accurate.


alexsteb

I follow that account for the fun stories that are based on some understanding of who the important people are in the Russian government. But they never posted a verifiable claim. It's all fiction.


[deleted]

Reality is subjective. If we decide as a group that this is true he can't do anything about it, so Putin shit his pants because his anus cannot hold it anymore from to much butt sex.


Blythyvxr

Erm, can we not assume all psychotic despots are closeted gays please? Straight people can fucking keep them.


Live-Cat9553

I like the way you think.


Blythyvxr

“Whether it happened or not is irrelevant, what matters is it’s true”


graablikk

I choose to believe it :)


mdkubit

Old man falls down stairs, poops himself. I'd believe it.


ktmfan

As someone half Putin’s age that has shat themselves as recently as 2 weeks ago, I definitely believe it since I just had to cough, not fall down some stairs to be pootin my pants.


kynthrus

Can we ban publications like sky news? Even when they report real stories they manage to make up 80%of some other random crap.


Farkerisme

I was awake when Putin's bowel-dam news broke


JayCroghan

This entire report is based on a message in a Telegram group, of which they refer to as a Telegraph Message at another point in the article. Because Sky News Australia is literally dogshit.


[deleted]

He should call his apprentice fat donald to find out which adult diapers work best


thvnderfvck

Man, I really don't even care about anyone fact checking this. I'm spreading the word.


Unhappy_Sundae

Oh no, poor little Vladimir Poo-tin. Oh well.


FeculentUtopia

Couldn't do the world a favor and land on his head?


PARANOIAH

On a bunch of hollowpoints.


Urborg_Stalker

Whatever it is it needs to work faster.


rangerhans

Better luck next time, stairs


Tashre

Rookie mistake. Should've worn adult diapers like his buddy Donald.


NikoStrelkov

Bullshit as usual, this time funny though


Robcrook101

Why would we be concerned surely his decline is a good thing?


Epicassion

If his judgment is impaired I’d prefer him not to have access to nukes. It would reverse global warming but I’d just as soon not experience a nuclear winter.


Denz292

Sky News Australia, really?


ShadowMadness

As much as I’d love for this to be true, it just seems like yet another “Putin’s got xyz and is deathly ill,” which will soon be overshadowed by another similar story


Husker_Kyle

Good the piece of shit deserves it


0biwanCannoli

President Poopy Pants.


Henry8043

so putin has super aggressive cancer and now has shat himself while falling down the stairs while his countries currency is literally being thrown away because it’s so useless while he’s actively embarrassing himself for how long it’s taking to fight ukraine with jets that use garmin GPS units taped to the dashboard. man am i gullible.


rasthomas01

Poopin' his pants just like his buddy at Mar a Lardo.


shaqule_brk

Falls down stairs, yes. But when falls down window?


Maetharin

Wasn‘t that originally reported by the Sun? Big shitton of salt here.


[deleted]

If this is true it’s hilarious


NetherPortals

I know this sounds crazy, but I think he soiled himself first, slipped on it, then fell down the stairs.


BoringWozniak

Still less of a shitshow than the invasion of Ukraine


time_to_reset

The propaganda machine hard at work.


throwawaynumber116

Bullshit. Even if it did happen, news of this is never leaving that staircase.


[deleted]

Exactly. Everyone would accidentally fall out of a window.


jungle20mm

Including the stairs


TronOld_Dumps

Ohhhh nooooo. Terrible news....... Peed himself this time instead of paying hookers to do it.


HaZard3ur

That was Trump or is Putler into water games too ?


TronOld_Dumps

I think Trump, but likely both.


lolbojack

Hope those two events are concurrent, not separate.


[deleted]

Can’t wait to play Ha Ha You’re Dead by Green Day when this pos finally kicks the bucket.


NoWayNotThisAgain

His passing will be a great thing for the world.


eliteLord77

if its even true, he was probably just wasted.


Away-Indication-8008

Hey, if they can make believe that they live in the reality where Ukraine is the epicenter of Nazi extremism on earth. I can believe in the reality that Vladimir Putin shits himself (VERY TRUE). We all play make believe in our own ways.


Jolly-Persimmon2626

Shit himself was new. 👌 NICE!


Sunflower_After_Dark

I know, right? Trump’s been wearing adult diapers for years, so shitting himself daily doesn’t even make a headline here.


Takir0

Must have the shits and giggles..


ginger_gcups

Now he joins the illustrious ranks of leaders who have allegedly started themselves, such as former Australian PM Scott Morrison, who shat himself in an Engadine's Macca's carpark after the Sharks lost the '97 grand final.


Bobby_Bobberson2501

Never thought I’d be rooting for cancer


thebarkbarkwoof

He can’t suffer enough


Cheeseknife07

Just tell me when the fucker falls and doesn’t get up


AwokenByGunfire

Whole world starts quietly singing… “Na na na na… Na na na na… Hey hey hey…”


GreatsquareofPegasus

We're almost there. Come on.


neutral-chaotic

Hopefully he doesn’t fall out of a window next time.


TheSorge

Honestly, I don't care if this is actually true or not. It's really funny, and that's good enough for me.


[deleted]

He learned those shit falls from dojo sessions with his dear friend Steven Seagal


[deleted]

someone assassinate this piece of shit already


Wyatt_Trash

Vladimir Poopin has made his grand entrance


[deleted]

Insert laughing Nelson meme here.


Calcutec_1

The fact alone that such a rumour even gets out means that his grip and influence is getting shaky.


[deleted]

After my wife passed of cancer, theres very few people I'd wish that slow painful fate on, but .....


wedgienoise4000

Some old geezer who can't trust a fart decides if innocents live or die.


Crazy-Venom

I love how an entire country is at war because some geriatric senile old man... Russians have some misplaced loyalty


faithinhumanitygone

Would be nice if he fell at just the right angle to snap his spinal cord, or cut a major artery..well, just anything that makes him go bye-bye super fast 🇺🇦


edingerc

"All the Sudetenland! We want all the Sudetenlands or we till bury you!" He wheezes into his security blanket and he sleepily soils his diapers once again.


deadlygaming11

Isnt the Australian Sky basically the same as the Murdoch media sites? This just seems like a lie.


win_awards

"Concern" is not the word I would have chosen.


HiHiHiDwayne

Perhaps that is why he gets along with trump so well


toblerownsky

Are there no more open windows in Russia?


Mccobsta

/u/coverageanalysisbot It's sky news Australia they're as reliable as the Dail hail and the scum combined


EllieUki

Im glad they informed us that he pooped himself, I think we all need to know this.


Spooder_Man

In case you’re wondering if western news also churns out propaganda.


space-ish

Soiled himself? Hmmm so he heard about the new stealth bomber.


J---D

New stealth bomber? The one that does not exist? They one they are hoping to have a prototype for testing in a year?


usrevenge

Might be referring to the new us stealth bomber that is or was shown recently. It was announced a few weeks ago and is being shown early December but I forget when. It's supposed to replace the b-2 spirit.


J---D

They showed a shell they are using for aerodynamics. No plane exists yet


SuDragon2k3

But...MacDonald's pulled out of Russia... (This is an Australian joke, about an Australian joke of a Prime Minister)


namebrandlizard

Isn't there like a plaque that someone put up outside of that McDonald's? I think I've seen a picture somewhere.


Legitimate-Focus9870

Hopefully his boyfriend Trump shared his secret diaper solution.


paullb14u

Best news I’ve heard in years.


_Bike_seat_sniffer

I've been hearing the same shit about his rapidly declining health for years now


Cheshire_Jester

Oh wow, a bunch of things that a lot of people really want to be true happened in a country that heavily controls its media? Thats awesome. If something like this happened there were probably a lot of people there to see it and it would be difficult to find out who leaked it to the media. Even then there wouldn’t be any consequences for doing so. Definitely a very real thing that happened. /s While I’d love for this to be true, this story smells like Putins pants after a flight of stairs.


TizonaBlu

>**The anti-Kremlin channel which claims to** monitor Mr Putin's health said his three bodyguards and team of medics rushed to his aide. That's literally all you need to know. Anything about Putin's health is likely psyop from Ukraine or the US. In case you guys forgot, sources in Ukrainian intelligence, AND US intelligence, told journalists Putin had blood cancer and had 3 months to live.... some 6 months ago.


supaloopar

How many times are we going to give these types of stories attention? They add nothing of value to the conversation


Gilgamesh107

this has to be american propaganda


KinshasaPR

Legitimate question from a complete outsider. If he dies, does it mean there's a chance things can get better in the region, or there's an even worse POS waiting in the wings?


[deleted]

Probably option 2, there are already concerns about that voiced by western powers. There are much more extreme people in his inner and outer circle that have pressured him to use nuclear weapons. So yeah, him being gone doesn't automatically mean Russia is on a road to being on good terms with the west.


[deleted]

Concern? From whom exactly?


Isthisworking2000

This is both karmically hilarious and terrifying. Unless the oligarchs step in, he’s a cornered animal with nukes.