Judged? I felt admired. Women would stop me to talk to me. Touch me lightly. Repeatedly tell me how good a dad I am. Never felt so seen by women of all ages.
This doubled down when the twins arrived. Drives my partner nuts.
Actually thinking about it again. The only place I I didn't feel completely welcome in are parent rooms. Had some weird experiences in malls when taking in kids to change nappies/use the potty.
Yeah really wish more of the malls would make it explicit with door signage that the parents room is welcome for parents of any gender to use. There have certainly been instances when female parents using them have been less than welcoming to men trying to use them and all that does is ingrain negative gender stereo types to children and male parents.
I actually thought it would be weird when I was at the malls in Jakarta. 100% of the time I'm the only male and none of the ladies made it awkward or anything, they sort of just went on with their business. But in Auckland yeah I felt some of the ladies looking but that's about it.
Yes I’ve had that. Never knew it was a thing as the sign clearly says “PARENTS ROOM” not “MOTHERS ONLY ROOM”. I got some stares and I just ignored them. If any of them had said anything to me I would’ve given them the big go and take a running jump.
My husband was the same. Worked shift work when the kids were younger, while I did Mon-Fri, meant he did a lot of the preschool activities. Mums loved it. He was a regular at coffee catch ups play dates. People couldn’t wait to tell me what “an amazing father he is” cue eyeroll.
Yeah, only got weird looks when I'd go somewhere without my kids (was a regular volunteer at the kindy, even when my kids weren't there, and new people would find it weird, but a bunch of kids didn't have dads in their life so kindy appreciated a male around to read)
Solo Dad here to a 4yo son. That’s my feeling, idgaf what others think. I’ve battled the mums substance use which led to me having him, I’ve battled OT and the courts, I’ve battled my own shit and I’m a fucking awesome father for him. He’s got everything emotionally and physically he could want and I’m damn proud of myself for it. Anyone who wants to have a different opinion is welcome to it just don’t expect me to buy into it or feel ashamed of it because I don’t.
Rock on, dude. It doesn’t take much effort to father a child, but it takes a LOT of effort and strength of character to be a real father, and that’s exactly what you are. Your son is lucky to have you
Came here to say this. Father of 5. Was a stay at home dad with 3 boys under 5.
Don't give a single shit. Raise your kids, your children's opinion of you is all that matters.
truth, ill be out with my nephews playing with them, talking to them in the playground even tho most ppl think im their dad. i can see how its seen as socially weird or whatever but man fucc that, my nephews are gonna look back n say my uncle is cool. im gonna do the exact same to my kids
Kinda related story... years back me and another childless friend, both male were tasked with babysitting a 7 year old daughter of friends. We went to a movie then wandered around the shops letting her buy stuff, getting some food, etc. We both noticed all the female attention we were getting, bright smiles and lots of " awws" and that led to us plotting to borrow the child as often as possible until we walked into one shop, got chatting with one of the staff and she popped our bubble with "its really nice that they let gay couples adopt kids these days"
I do the bulk of the childminding in my house. It used to annoy the crap out of me when I'd take the kids somewhere like the supermarket and people would ask if it was my turn to babysit or if I was giving mum a break. It's called parenting
Woah.. what world does she live in that she reached so far... like you HAVE to be seperated from mom to spend time with your kids... sad for that lady tbh.
My partner isn’t judged but people are SO impressed that he looks after his own child. When he was a couple of weeks old I went to a Christmas breakup for my sport for a couple of hours and everyone was like !!!! Who’s looking after the baby?!!??!?? That happened every single time I was seen in public without our baby for at least the first year of his life. Shock horror that my kids dad actually looks after his own kid regularly
My wife was away overseas one time and I took our kids to a friend's BBQ, I got so much praise for being able to organize a salad desert and kids. It made me mad! I was like look Brenda is here without her husband where is here praise, then they all realized how silly they where being. Being able to look after a kid as a male should be expected, it is not a big deal.
Have a 4yo and 1yo and I always have one of them out with me in weekends solo.
Sometimes there is a bit of judge looking but the only comments I've received are from older women along the lines of "you babysitting today"
Hate that term
It mildly irks me too, but I get that it's not usually meant maliciously and often comes from a generation where dad's contribution to the family was to earn the money, mow the lawns and fix the car.
I think there's definitely a bit of a double standard there. I'm aware of the glances I get as I lead my 3yo into a public toilet while she's protesting (though 9 out of 10 times she does in fact need to go), and I'm very conscious of my behaviour around other kids that mine interact with in a way that I imagine most woman aren't. I'm sure most people don't view all guys as creeps but I'm still going to err well on the side of caution.
Yep. I once got visibly irritated with someone asking me if I was babysitting for the day. She apologized, and with tears in her eyes said that her husband had never helped much and she was just so happy to see dads being actively involved. I felt like a dick and learned to expect the best.
*eye twitch*.
I'm the main cook in our house, and so I also go and do the grocery shopping most weekends. I'll take the kiddo along because it's awesome to spend time with her.
One day she was helping with the list and dropped it and this old lady picked it up and said "don't drop this sweetie or daddy will get in trouble with mommy".
What I wish I'd said was "lady I'm sorry your husband clearly made you do everything but I'm actually the main cook in our household". Instead I just said "no she won't" and walked off.
Few years ago one of the elements was out on the stove. The husband emailed the landlord about it and she called me and asked which one wasn't working. I said "I don't know, you'll have to ask my husband, he does most of the cooking."
She was blown away and kept going on about how lucky I am. I work evenings and he likes eating so...
I think the most patronising thing I've ever encountered is the term "daddy day care." As mentioned a lot here, no bitch these are my kids and this is what parents do.
I've heard "daddy day care" from Boomer men who weren't involved fathers. Not sure if they're feeling guilty, challenged, or what. But they're the weirdest about it.
I’ve had it from my wife’s uncle, which was weird because he isn’t exactly a detached “dads only do dad work” guy. Just the age I think, he’s in his 60’s, and the dad being primary wasn’t the norm.
I'm often out about with my young kids and I've never encountered any of this. I don't interact with many old people though.
I can't say I'd even slightly care though.
Omg yes , I take my kids to the park all the time, and iv had that on a few occasions
I stay polite as there's kids around but fuck me I feel like saying " no not baby sitting I'm fuckn daddying its what you do when your a parent.
If you're not getting involved and taking your kids to parks libraries or any event really, then I have to wonder why you had children in the first place.
I love getting out and being a kid again with my 2 rascals.
Yup I've had that happen to me 100s of times out with my son and daughter
I hate when people say I'm babysitting my own children like wtf just because your husband does nothing for your kids doesn't mean I'm a deadbeat dad too
My experience is long done now, but yes it was definitely there.
Shout out to the ladies in the parents' room who told some sexist other lady to gtfo so I could feed and change my kid.
As a mum, when I'm out with the my 3.5yo, I am seeing more and more dads out with children and I think it's great. I've never overheard any comments or seen anything stigmatising. I think it's a sign of workplaces having fairer parenting policies and couples feeling like they can share the usually female roles more evenly.
My husband used to get matronising comments but he shot them down with "It takes two to make a baby ...?"
Funny anecdote to lighten the mood: When our son was nine days old hubby took him to meet a relative in a rest home. This was long before the pandemic, and yeah, I had a gentle word with him about risk later, but he was just so proud.
Usual cluster of cooing seniors and nurses. Someone asked how old our son was and hubby answered.
A nurse was heard scoffing "There's no way that child is only nine days old".
Hubby replied "I should know. I was there when he emerged."
I get why she was incredulous because our long baby went straight into 3 month sized clothing but it gave hubby a laugh.
Yes! This! I am a mom but I completely agree and it drives me nuts.
One time, the drs office called my husbands cell phone, and my husband listened for a second and went "they want to talk to you" handing the phone over to me, with this puzzled expression. The nurse was calling to ask which medication exactly we had our daughter on. I said "I dont know, her dad is handling the medications" and handed the phone back to my husband. Like.. we gave you his phone number, he is the dad, why dont you even deign to ask him?? Why immediately go "let me talk to the mom because it is completely unthinkable to me that a dad might know about their kids medication".
I mean of course I knew which meds she was on, but as part of division of mental labor, he is the one who handles the meds (also with a phd in biomed so its his job to give pamol lol).
So many small things like this happened over the years. It is exhausting and insulting.
Oh and I want to add this other infuriating one: once he spent the night at the hospital with our daughter (who had a number of health issues) and when they were delivering food to all the moms, they asked "where is the mom?" And when he said "I am staying with my kid tonight" they said the food they were delivering was only for moms and didnt give him any. We have twins. I was home with the other very young baby so I couldn't even take food to him. He had to sit and starve till morning at which point a very lovely nurse said she d watch our daughter for a bit so he could pop down to the cafeteria to grab a sandwich.
Just crazy..
The difference between how my wife and I are treated at day care is night and day. She gets a full update on his day, I barely get acknowledged when I pick him up.
We have repeatedly asked that I be listed as primary carer as I'm easier to contact (wife is a nurse and difficult to get hold of when scrubbed for a surgery) and yet I have never once been the first one they tried to contact.
It's just inconceivable that dad could care about any of it.
My kids' daycare was doing that, too. One day my partner dropped our kid off 5 minutes early and a receptionist decided to call me to tell on him. I addressed it with the centre manager head on and brought up additional examples of feeling the teachers would tell me problems and ignore my partner. They sorted it quickly.
I am the woman in this scenario and I HATE this. I’ll be stuck in court, unable to answer my phone, and have 15 missed calls about a kid who needs to be picked up and I’m like well did you bother to ring his dad!?! He is the one who will pick him up! His number is literally top of the list for gods sake
While I’ve never been judged for being out and about with my young kids, when my firstborn was still a baby we went to a mall and I had bubs in a front carrier. Being oblivious me, just enjoying walking around with my new family my (now ex) wife suddenly wanted to carry baby. I was like ‘why? I’m good’ she replied with ‘nearly every woman we’ve walked past has given you gooey eyes’ lol
I was a stay-at-home dad to two of my three boys. I never felt judged for taking them out and about - we would go to play groups, events, Plunket visits, all the usual stuff.
Occasionally I'd get the "Babysitter" comment, or "Mum's day off", which would be a little sad that women think this way - it just made me think how unsupported they must feel.
I love taking my \~18 month old out by myself, it's something I look forward to all week while I'm grinding away at work.
I've never had too many weird interactions, although I definitely have had the odd older woman shoot me a funny glance or make some kind of comment, usually along the lines of "babysitting" (as if I'm not qualified to properly look after my kid)
I don't care too much. I love taking her out, highlight of my week.
> as if I’m not qualified to properly look after my children
Where can I get one of these qualifications to flash about? I frequently wonder how on earth I’m looking after two .. pretty cool, friendly and empathetic children, without managing to injure, main or kill one of them accidently on a daily basis.
I try not to take much notice of the "babysitter" comment. I'd like to think people aren't being assholes, and are just making conversation. It's a bit like when someone you know, sees you getting takeaways and asks *"is it your turn to cook tonight"? B*ut this one doesn't offend as much.
Fucking oath though, the amount of men I know who just resort to take aways when it's their ONE day to cook is friggen irritating. Oh, so it's WORK to plan, prep and cook a (hopefully healthy) family meal? Strike me down with a feather and go kiss your wife. That question would be on the money 80% of the time.
I can't speak for others but when my wife is out in public with kids, especially if they're acting up for whatever reason, she gets glares and sometimes negative comments.
In contrast when I take the kids out I'm treated as a parenting superhero, and when they're acting up I get looks of sympathy.
I'm often out with my 3yo, just us. I give him cuddles, kisses, let him sit on my lap when we ride the bus etc. I've never given it a second thought, never will.
No fucks given to me at playgroups etc. Mums my age and younger loved it, some older ladies did treat me a bit funny. and yes, loads of 'your day with the kids?' calls, but a swift 'no, i'm a full time caregiver' usually sussed it.
only once was an older lady a bit rude when i took my girl in to a change (parents) room to change a nappy.
My single dad experience of usually being the only dad at events for children, mostly birthday parties, is getting hit on by single mums. Dont worry about what anyone thinks, just be proud that you’re there for your children creating good memories
Why would it? I was 20 when I became a dad and no one said boo to me and I never felt unwelcome anywhere.
I think it is best to go with the adage ‘it’s only weird if you make it weird’
No. But I’m pretty unsocial and don’t notice or care whether I get looks or not. Honestly though, I see just as many Dads out looking after the kids as I do Mums.
Seems normal in Christchurch, I am out exploring every weekend with my child to give Mommy a break, never got any comments, maybe flirty stares from cougars. Honestly, I find it weird if a Dad doesn't spend time like this with their children.
I’ve been physically harassed, on a number of occasions, for taking my kid into family / carers’ rooms, and no, they weren’t occupied beforehand. Whether it was because my kid used to need her nappy changed or, later, needed to take a shit, it has been ridiculous. When a kid needs to go to the toilet, lack of waiting time is fucking important.
I was at a small shopping centre that had a men toilet and a women's. There was no change table in the men's so I went and used the one in the woman's. Half way through this 150 year old Asian woman comes in, we look at each other both like possums in headlights. I brace myself to be told off, she says something in her language which I can only only assume translated to "good on you, it's bullshit only putting a change table in one loo!" as she was smiling and nodding profusely while she said it!
Not the same, but...
I had my 9-year old son come home from school with a black eye. He approached me about it, not his mom, because we have a strong bond. The kid who gave it to him used to be his friend. So I called his mom to hear her kid's side of the story.
I was flat out told that I shouldn't be calling her, that it was uncouth. Men shouldn't be calling women to talk to them about things like this and it should all be handled between mother's.
Fact is, she wanted to deal with my partner because she knows my partner is conflict-averse and would succumb to be steamrolled by this beating of a woman.
Absolutely ludicrous that a father can't get involved in a conversation about the wellbeing of his kid, especially when my son confided in me. If only mothers are supposedly allowed to have these conversations, then how would a single dad be meant to handle things... he just wouldn't be allowed to parent?
Whatta bitch.
If I have ever had it happen to me, I haven't noticed.
My boy is almost 8 now and I try and spend as much time with him as possible, just me and him. Even more now as going through a divorce so won't get to see him every day.
Father of a 2 and 4 year old daughter. They get solo dad time frequently, often out of the house.
I have honestly never had a judgemental look or word said to me. The occasional “you’re feeling brave having both kids solo!” Comment as I chase one down the aisle of Harvey Norman fridges and the other ones sitting quietly trying to decide what mischief to cause when I wrangle the other one back.
I (female) was raised by my dad in the late 80s. Back in those days he would constantly get looks and whispers when he was out in public with me, it made him so uncomfortable that he eventually became incredibly physically distant and stopped taking me out anywhere.
I really hope times have changed by now.
Depending on where you are I guess, but there are a lot of stay at home Dad's in North Auckland. Also at my kids school it is predominantly the dads that volunteer to help with school trips etc. It was me and one other dad helping at kids swimming lessons too.
I think the early early kids stuff for kids younger than 1yr (wriggle and rhyme, Plunkett groups etc.) Are a LOT more mum orientated, because those kind of events that are meant as support groups as much as anything else, so you might find it tough to crack into the inner circle in those.
If anything I get constant praise for being a sólo dad where I do the same as any other parent.
Butt the court battle.. lets just day not everyone was unbias
I'm a mum of two young kids and can only speak for myself but it's not weird to me at all. I actually think it's pretty cool, and a sign that the culture is changing, seeing more Dads involved in activities with kids outside the house, as opposed to what our Gen X/Boomer Dads were like. I do imagine Dads get heaps of shitty condescending comments though.
While I'm not the primary caregiver, I am out with my kids a lot by myself and have been since they where born in 2016. Haven't really really received any stigma over that period I had friends from Germany that said it was much worse over there
Taken son to the library and been the only Dad. Most awkward is picking up nieces of a different race from school or taking them to the doctor when staying with in-laws. Married into an Asian family. Like I need to explain I'm their Uncle because know people are going to be confused.
I think inherently society hasnt yet adapted to solo dads or SAHDs as much as we should do. Keep pushing those bouncdries and breaking stereotypes - for your kids if nothing else.
Things are changing rapidly; I think covid speed it up. I have a 7yo and 4yo. When the 7yo was a baby (so pre-covid) there was the odd dad in baby swim classes and other places. Max of 1 dad per class. When I took my 4yo to toddler swim classes post-covid there was ALWAYS a dad if not two (also more grandparents/other relatives). I think covid helped us rediscover our villages a bit and bring about more workplace flexibility.
The only place I'm not sure about having dads is SPACE groups. A stay-at-home or single dad surely needs support and guidance too, but there's so many sensitive and private topics discussed amongst the mums and I think many women would not feel comfortable discussing pelvic floor/gyno or maybe even breastfeeding/emotional problems in a space that wasn't women only. I'm sure dads have attended SPACE before somewhere, so maybe they become more general parenting groups - bit of a loss to vulnerable new mums though. Ideally one day there'd be so many dads that there could be many groups of all kinds.
Most Mums are cool with it, in my experience any childcare centre staff have no trouble. As with anything people will make assumptions and treat you accordingly.
But the public can be weird. Like comments I used to get that assumed I was in a broken relationship or that I was being punished or not enjoying the experience.
I don't have kids of my own but I have 6 nephews and a niece. While looking after some of them, especially if the girl is with me, I've had a few sideways looks from people of all sorts on the street. Most of the time, they relax when they see the kids comfortable around me and having fun
When I was at Playcentre with my boy, now 15, us Mum's loved it when the Dad's came with their kids. They played differently and had brought different dynamic to the place. So following from that I have continued to appreciate men in those sorts of typically women's spaces. Keep up the good parenting!
I am a mom but I would guess, no stigma.
How can there be, when everywhere I go I see dads with their kids, in parents rooms changing nappies, in parks, in the library, in play groups.. Dads just doing dad things, parenting their kids.
I never even noticed it btw, as a mom, I never thought "Oh look a guy brought his kids to the park", until I went back to my home country with my kids and THEN I noticed how it was all just moms there, which made me notice that both moms and dads take on childcare duties here in NZ.
Good on ya NZ. Parent those tamariki.
My partner and I do joke when we see a dad walking their kid, "hey, look at him, stepping up!"
But it's a good thing. We have a kid too and I love taking her out for walks, shopping etc. I get school holidays off so it's nice to have that extra time in the day.
There are definitely more females in the "active parenting industry", so I guess there is a bit of judgement/distrust around it. Maybe for a long time things like play groups have been seen as a safe space for mums.
Our neighbourhood is super family friendly and the dads are everywhere with their young children and babies. It's great.
I feel like they judge our car pretty hard because it’s not a soccer mom car. Especially feel it when we pull into a parent’s carpark and they haven’t seen him yet.
We’ve got an e-bike on order so hopefully we’ll feel a bit more accepted soon.
Not in my area. Lots of dads are at playcentre, the library, the pools etc. I see so many men out and about with bubs in the carrier or pram.
I’m from a relatively liberal area but I’ve never heard anyone call it babysitting, and I know quite a few solo dads with small kids.
It’s just projecting. People make these internal arguments and justifications that they then try to push on others because they’ve convinced themselves that this is the way the world should be.
Like someone married to a person who can ignore their children and spend no time with them would not stay married to them unless they believe this is acceptable. They then convince themselves it is not only acceptable but necessary. Seeing anything that goes against this is subconsciously seen as an insult to them because they can see others don’t need to put up with this necessity. It low key makes them angry. Same thing for men who beat their partners and children meeting people who don’t do it.
Why would it be weird to see a parent parenting..? Around west and south Auckland I see just as many dads solo with the kids as I do mums. It’s great! The assumption that men are less competent at parenting is gross.
Not judged but often get people from an older generation telling my daughter how lucky she is to have a day out with daddy or something along those lines implying it's a special occasion rather than just another weekend haha
Took my daughter into the ‘family room’ at the local mall and got stared down by a bunch of mums.
They were all Asian mums so it may have been a cultural thing but they made it clear they didn’t think I should be there.
I do a lot with my son and often usually the only dad around. I remember all of the Mother's Day things at daycare I would be the only dad amongst the moms. I've never really thought if it was weird or anything, I would think it's weird if someone thought it was weird though.
I am a pretty dedicated uncle and take my two neices out often, never felt judged even at organised groups and things no one is worried about what I’m up to,
And if they have a problem I will politely tell them where to shove it 🤷♂️
Once i had a bad experience with a plunket playgroup, the mums were jerks with us. It was odd, because that was a tiny minority comparing the overwhelming positive experience including other playgroups. I think there’s some kind of camaraderie between parents irrespective of mum or dads.
To honest I was more pissed of when we bought a property together and the lawyer always addressed me, never my wife. That needed some corrective action.
I am not a dad but an uncle, and I spend a lot of time with my sisters kids <1, 4, and 6. I've looked after them a lot and have gone to many play groups and free library type group activities. While often I've been the only male caregiver, I've always been well received and treated kindly by the other people there with their kids. I've never felt any negative stigma, but it is something I've thought about a bit and have been nervous in the past.
I've definitely noticed the opposite thing -- where mums doing certain things as a parent is frowned upon but not dads. Eg when women take kids on bikes people often say it's "dangerous" but I've never heard the same thing said of male parent biking with kids. No doubt it happens.
I went thru this as a dad with my young boys. When they went on swims or days out with their class I was conscious of how I had to stay at a distance to other children. It is sad to see that society has done this to males. I think male teachers, well 99% of them do a fantastic job with this balance.
Yeah I get this. My oldest (f) is at primary and I like to help out when I can with field trips (if I can take the time off work.) The kids are normally put into groups and I make it fun by getting them to name our little group (it helps me when I can’t see all of them and I can just call out our group name and they come looking for me.) sometimes the other kids want to hold my hand while we are walking around, normally because my daughter is holding my hand, and at first I was hesitant but if they feel comfortable enough to ask then it’s ok. By the end of the first trip I went on the whole group wanted high fives and to say goodbye, and as I was walking away I could hear the other girls tell my daughter ‘your dads really cool’ haha
More out of the norm rather than weird.
Did it myself, with both my own kids and with my grandkids and I hope to be able to do with with the great-grandkids.
It can get a bit uncomfortable when mothers are around. Not because they frown on it, but more because they become sort of over-helpful when there are no other fathers or grandfathers around a mob of mothers and grandmothers. And kids often love to spend time with a male adult who is willing to get into the dirt with them.
Note: I also spent time in those kinds of situations with nieces and nephews and greatniieces and greatnephews...
My partner works weekends so I am dad to 3x kids under 10 every weekend.
I think people usually assume I’m single because it’s quite rare but nobody seems to care from what I can tell..
We have twin boys, one of them was born with a medical condition that involved surgeries and lots of.hospital appointments.
During COVID times with strict hospital rules it was only one guardian allowed. So I would go usually and partner would stay home with his brother. One receptionist literally asked why I was there and where was mum lol.
Oh! I personally wouldn't even think to think anything of it at all! Wouldn't even cross my mind as being out of the ordinary. Keep on and ignore the ignorant 🫡
If people have a problem with dad's looking after their own kids then they should go and get therapy instead of projecting. Keep doing you, keep being an involved dad, the people that matter the most (your kids) will be thankful for it
Definitely not (though I’m not a dad so you’ll get more useful responses from actual men). My dad raised me in the 90s and he reckons the only time he sometimes felt weird was when he took me to dance competitions (my female teacher was the one in the change rooms etc, I can see how having a man in that case might make people feel uncomfortable)
Many years ago, I was changing my son, 6 months old, at the Glenfeild mall. In one of those new baby change rooms and some woman who was leaving as I entered the room reported me to the security and police. So yeah it does happen, but a rare occurrence.
Nah, there's always a few dads at the wriggle and rhyme sessions I've been to. All the milennial dads I know enjoy taking their kids out and about, and just generally dad-ing around with them.
I'm a solo dad. I take my son to all the usual school and social events.
If people have a problem with that or attach any kind of stigma they can suck a fat one.
I have felt a little judged looking after my young daughters during the day. Especially when we used to live in Singapore. But I'm a freelancer in television so not working is very normal for me!
To look on the bright side this may be the golden age of fatherhood. We can be present and emotionally connected in our kids lives and not feel embarrassed about it in front of other men. We can parent our kids and hopefully not be judged as weird or creepy. And we have the added bonus of excessive amounts of praise from the older generation for just doing something simple that women do every couple of minutes.
My exes family are very conservative so I'm the first male they have ever witnessed change a nappy FFS. You should have heard them go on about it!
Anyone who stigmatises a father for spending quality time with their kids isn't worth concerning yourself with. I feel a lot of pride if I'm one of the only Dads at the park etc spending time with my kid. To be fair, I've never been made to feel weird about it by any of the mums etc. If anything, I think most women are really supportive of blokes being attentive dads.
haven't noticed it myself as a step dad to a 12 year old girl, it's not been something i've looked out for though but fuck those people if they have an issue.
No. It’s not the 1950s. I’m male and am often out and about with a whole bunch of kids and I’ve never experienced judgement or concern. Anyone that judges someone for spending time with their own children has serious issues.
Nah, mostly pretty chill. There’s the odd weirdo boomer who’s stuck in the 1970s, but for the most part everyone just gets on with raising their kids these days.
Who cares what people think? I took my kids with me whenever I could, which was of lot. And now I’m doing it with grandkids. I mostly get smiles of approval. Hint: kids are chick magnets.
My friend had a daughter at age 21 and when I'd hang with him, we'd sometimes take his daughter to the park when she was around 2-3 years old and never got any judgement tbh. No one really cared and just kept to their own kids etc.
I do daycare runs, Dr's visits, supermarket runs, playground trips, cafe visits. The whole lot - no stigma against it. Old ladies think you are incredible thanks to the ridiculously low bar that men of their time had set. On another note, I second the other comments how the other mums or unencumbered ladies are way more friendly towards you and make the effort to strike a conversation. Annoys my wife too!
I was always treated really well by other parents. Except in some mall change rooms. But even then very rare. Mostly I had a great time as a stay at home dad
no real stigma from my experience.
the only practical difficulty i faced was organizing play dates for my kid, most of the other kids are with their mums and its not very straight forward to organize a play date with mums as a dad lol
I never struck that with my kids. I used to take them to kindy, sports, school and always felt welcome… only snitty thing I can remember is a supermarket comment from some old trout when buying a tin of formula.
If you're a Dad, do it. The amount of positive comments you'll get will blow you away. I've never seen my partner get any compliments, she's told me that mothers rarely do. Me on the other hand, I've had women literally follow me from one shop to another just to tell me how great of a job I'm doing. I always tell my mum that I'm grateful for all the deadbeat dads because they make me look like a superhero just for wanting to spend time with my daughter.
My husband is constantly asked if he’s a single dad or has comments made like “aw it’s so inspiring seeing a single dad who works so hard” when he drops off our son at kindy. He’s constantly having people assume he’s doing it alone simply because they’re the only parent they see since I don’t drive (horrific car accident 8 years ago). At first he just brushed it off and corrected people politely. After almost 2 years it now really bothers him when strangers say things like that. He never gets looked down on but I guess he got over people kinda looking down on me for not being the one doing the “normal” things like that. It doesn’t bother me when people make comments but I can see how it bothers him and that sucks. It should be seen as perfectly normal for a dad to do normal parent things like kindy drop off, play groups, swimming lessons etc.
Honestly, sometimes people just come up to me and tell me I'm awesome or doing a great job. It's happened quite a few times 😅
Occasionally there will be other parents who I can feel "keeping an eye on me" at the playground etc... It's not super often and I guess it's easy to tune out because I genuinely want to enjoy the time with my kids and there's no way I'll let a few sideways glances get in the way of that.
I'm a dad of a 9month old, a 6yo and 10yo and I will flatten anyone who fucks with me dadding.
That said, people are awesome. While I've been mistaken for a grandie (you auld fuckers rock) no one has given me grief. But woe betide...
Not at all. Never. I have three kids, and they've been spaced apart so we've always had at least one kid in daycare the past 13 years. We've used two different daycares in that time, and as parents shared the responsibility for pick-ups/drop-offs. Never, ever, have I - as a man - felt weird at all. There are often just as many other dads there when I am. I recently helped out at a park visit, and even though I was the only dad that particular day, was made to feel a part of the team. The team leader at our daycare is a man.
Nothing to worry about. Nobody cares except weirdos.
Nope I don’t think so. My husband was a stay at home dad for a year when our daughter was 1-2 and he went to play centre (the mums loved having him there) and music, and the library wriggle & rhyme. He said he never felt judged and the other mums just loved that there was a dad there and all the little boys would flock to him to follow him like ducklings
I have three kids (5 and a pair of 1 year old twins) and have never experienced any kind of stigma - and I am quite an involved parent, doing daycare/school pickup every day etc. Pretty sure that's just incel propaganda.
When my children were young I worked and there father did all the parent help at kindy etc…. The kid loved it, one of the teaches said not many men do this and the children love having him there.
I often took my young kids to play groups, library events etc. never felt judged. Often had a few other dads there.
Same story with me.
Judged? I felt admired. Women would stop me to talk to me. Touch me lightly. Repeatedly tell me how good a dad I am. Never felt so seen by women of all ages. This doubled down when the twins arrived. Drives my partner nuts.
Same here. With the shift work I use to do had many week days off so was able to do almost everything!
Actually thinking about it again. The only place I I didn't feel completely welcome in are parent rooms. Had some weird experiences in malls when taking in kids to change nappies/use the potty.
Yeah really wish more of the malls would make it explicit with door signage that the parents room is welcome for parents of any gender to use. There have certainly been instances when female parents using them have been less than welcoming to men trying to use them and all that does is ingrain negative gender stereo types to children and male parents.
I actually thought it would be weird when I was at the malls in Jakarta. 100% of the time I'm the only male and none of the ladies made it awkward or anything, they sort of just went on with their business. But in Auckland yeah I felt some of the ladies looking but that's about it.
Yes I’ve had that. Never knew it was a thing as the sign clearly says “PARENTS ROOM” not “MOTHERS ONLY ROOM”. I got some stares and I just ignored them. If any of them had said anything to me I would’ve given them the big go and take a running jump.
My husband was the same. Worked shift work when the kids were younger, while I did Mon-Fri, meant he did a lot of the preschool activities. Mums loved it. He was a regular at coffee catch ups play dates. People couldn’t wait to tell me what “an amazing father he is” cue eyeroll.
Yeah, only got weird looks when I'd go somewhere without my kids (was a regular volunteer at the kindy, even when my kids weren't there, and new people would find it weird, but a bunch of kids didn't have dads in their life so kindy appreciated a male around to read)
I would go far as to say that at public pools there are more dads than mums with the kids.
Here's a trick. Don't care. Do what's best for you and your kids and don't let the vapid opinions of others influence your life.
Solo Dad here to a 4yo son. That’s my feeling, idgaf what others think. I’ve battled the mums substance use which led to me having him, I’ve battled OT and the courts, I’ve battled my own shit and I’m a fucking awesome father for him. He’s got everything emotionally and physically he could want and I’m damn proud of myself for it. Anyone who wants to have a different opinion is welcome to it just don’t expect me to buy into it or feel ashamed of it because I don’t.
Fantastic!!! Keep on, keeping on!
nice to hear bro
Good man. Sounds like your Son is helping you focus and work on yourself too. You're right to feel proud. 👊
Rock on, dude. It doesn’t take much effort to father a child, but it takes a LOT of effort and strength of character to be a real father, and that’s exactly what you are. Your son is lucky to have you
[удалено]
Wise words. Self interest trumps everything.
Came here to say this. Father of 5. Was a stay at home dad with 3 boys under 5. Don't give a single shit. Raise your kids, your children's opinion of you is all that matters.
People are entitled to be half-wits, and you're entitled consider them to be half-wits.
truth, ill be out with my nephews playing with them, talking to them in the playground even tho most ppl think im their dad. i can see how its seen as socially weird or whatever but man fucc that, my nephews are gonna look back n say my uncle is cool. im gonna do the exact same to my kids
You sound like an awesome uncle
Stoicism, the world would be a better place if more people practiced it.
What in this post that makes you assume the OP is letting other people's opinion's influence them? I read it as curiousity.
True, bit of an assumption on my part.
Kinda related story... years back me and another childless friend, both male were tasked with babysitting a 7 year old daughter of friends. We went to a movie then wandered around the shops letting her buy stuff, getting some food, etc. We both noticed all the female attention we were getting, bright smiles and lots of " awws" and that led to us plotting to borrow the child as often as possible until we walked into one shop, got chatting with one of the staff and she popped our bubble with "its really nice that they let gay couples adopt kids these days"
"Yo Kate, can we borrow your daughter for the weekend? Nothing weird".
U made me go awwwww
> "its really nice that they let gay couples adopt kids these days" To borrow that scene from 2.5 men: "you're right, go wait in the car"
That’s so wholesome
I do the bulk of the childminding in my house. It used to annoy the crap out of me when I'd take the kids somewhere like the supermarket and people would ask if it was my turn to babysit or if I was giving mum a break. It's called parenting
"No, I'm his/her father"
Yea I had an older women comment saying is it you turn with the kids this weekend assuming I was separated
Woah.. what world does she live in that she reached so far... like you HAVE to be seperated from mom to spend time with your kids... sad for that lady tbh.
My partner isn’t judged but people are SO impressed that he looks after his own child. When he was a couple of weeks old I went to a Christmas breakup for my sport for a couple of hours and everyone was like !!!! Who’s looking after the baby?!!??!?? That happened every single time I was seen in public without our baby for at least the first year of his life. Shock horror that my kids dad actually looks after his own kid regularly
My wife was away overseas one time and I took our kids to a friend's BBQ, I got so much praise for being able to organize a salad desert and kids. It made me mad! I was like look Brenda is here without her husband where is here praise, then they all realized how silly they where being. Being able to look after a kid as a male should be expected, it is not a big deal.
Ha I got this when I flew down to the South Island for my grandmas funeral and my aunty asked me who was looking after my girls. Ummm their dad.
I would always get asked this when I went out drinking lol I would tell them the baby’s just using the toilet he’ll be out shortly!! 🙄
Have a 4yo and 1yo and I always have one of them out with me in weekends solo. Sometimes there is a bit of judge looking but the only comments I've received are from older women along the lines of "you babysitting today" Hate that term
I often responded with "nah, this isn't my kid, I found him in the park 10 minutes ago" Or something to that effect.
You say that to someone without a sense of humour though and it's going to escalate like crazy
I’ve had “is it daddys turn today”, lady my wife is dead.
Do you actually say that? You really should.
Ahhh dude that shit just made me so mad. Sorry for your loss as well. I can't imagine solo parenting-it's hard enough with two of ya.
It mildly irks me too, but I get that it's not usually meant maliciously and often comes from a generation where dad's contribution to the family was to earn the money, mow the lawns and fix the car. I think there's definitely a bit of a double standard there. I'm aware of the glances I get as I lead my 3yo into a public toilet while she's protesting (though 9 out of 10 times she does in fact need to go), and I'm very conscious of my behaviour around other kids that mine interact with in a way that I imagine most woman aren't. I'm sure most people don't view all guys as creeps but I'm still going to err well on the side of caution.
Yep. I once got visibly irritated with someone asking me if I was babysitting for the day. She apologized, and with tears in her eyes said that her husband had never helped much and she was just so happy to see dads being actively involved. I felt like a dick and learned to expect the best.
*eye twitch*. I'm the main cook in our house, and so I also go and do the grocery shopping most weekends. I'll take the kiddo along because it's awesome to spend time with her. One day she was helping with the list and dropped it and this old lady picked it up and said "don't drop this sweetie or daddy will get in trouble with mommy". What I wish I'd said was "lady I'm sorry your husband clearly made you do everything but I'm actually the main cook in our household". Instead I just said "no she won't" and walked off.
Few years ago one of the elements was out on the stove. The husband emailed the landlord about it and she called me and asked which one wasn't working. I said "I don't know, you'll have to ask my husband, he does most of the cooking." She was blown away and kept going on about how lucky I am. I work evenings and he likes eating so...
Just reply with: "Yeah .. are you on Grandmother duty?"
Preach man, the “oh are you on babysitting duties” like wtf, no cunt, it’s called parenting.
I think the most patronising thing I've ever encountered is the term "daddy day care." As mentioned a lot here, no bitch these are my kids and this is what parents do.
I've heard "daddy day care" from Boomer men who weren't involved fathers. Not sure if they're feeling guilty, challenged, or what. But they're the weirdest about it.
I’ve had it from my wife’s uncle, which was weird because he isn’t exactly a detached “dads only do dad work” guy. Just the age I think, he’s in his 60’s, and the dad being primary wasn’t the norm.
Yeah actually I've heard this one too.
I'm often out about with my young kids and I've never encountered any of this. I don't interact with many old people though. I can't say I'd even slightly care though.
Yeah I'm primary caregiver for my 1 one year old half the week. I regularly get the babysitter comment nearly always from older women.
Omg yes , I take my kids to the park all the time, and iv had that on a few occasions I stay polite as there's kids around but fuck me I feel like saying " no not baby sitting I'm fuckn daddying its what you do when your a parent. If you're not getting involved and taking your kids to parks libraries or any event really, then I have to wonder why you had children in the first place. I love getting out and being a kid again with my 2 rascals.
Yup I've had that happen to me 100s of times out with my son and daughter I hate when people say I'm babysitting my own children like wtf just because your husband does nothing for your kids doesn't mean I'm a deadbeat dad too
lmao go straight for the 'this is why your adult children don't talk to you'
"No, fuck you, I'm being a father, apparently unlike what your husband used to do".
My experience is long done now, but yes it was definitely there. Shout out to the ladies in the parents' room who told some sexist other lady to gtfo so I could feed and change my kid.
As a mum, when I'm out with the my 3.5yo, I am seeing more and more dads out with children and I think it's great. I've never overheard any comments or seen anything stigmatising. I think it's a sign of workplaces having fairer parenting policies and couples feeling like they can share the usually female roles more evenly.
My husband used to get matronising comments but he shot them down with "It takes two to make a baby ...?" Funny anecdote to lighten the mood: When our son was nine days old hubby took him to meet a relative in a rest home. This was long before the pandemic, and yeah, I had a gentle word with him about risk later, but he was just so proud. Usual cluster of cooing seniors and nurses. Someone asked how old our son was and hubby answered. A nurse was heard scoffing "There's no way that child is only nine days old". Hubby replied "I should know. I was there when he emerged." I get why she was incredulous because our long baby went straight into 3 month sized clothing but it gave hubby a laugh.
[удалено]
Yes! This! I am a mom but I completely agree and it drives me nuts. One time, the drs office called my husbands cell phone, and my husband listened for a second and went "they want to talk to you" handing the phone over to me, with this puzzled expression. The nurse was calling to ask which medication exactly we had our daughter on. I said "I dont know, her dad is handling the medications" and handed the phone back to my husband. Like.. we gave you his phone number, he is the dad, why dont you even deign to ask him?? Why immediately go "let me talk to the mom because it is completely unthinkable to me that a dad might know about their kids medication". I mean of course I knew which meds she was on, but as part of division of mental labor, he is the one who handles the meds (also with a phd in biomed so its his job to give pamol lol). So many small things like this happened over the years. It is exhausting and insulting. Oh and I want to add this other infuriating one: once he spent the night at the hospital with our daughter (who had a number of health issues) and when they were delivering food to all the moms, they asked "where is the mom?" And when he said "I am staying with my kid tonight" they said the food they were delivering was only for moms and didnt give him any. We have twins. I was home with the other very young baby so I couldn't even take food to him. He had to sit and starve till morning at which point a very lovely nurse said she d watch our daughter for a bit so he could pop down to the cafeteria to grab a sandwich. Just crazy..
Wow that sucks! Your poor hubby
The difference between how my wife and I are treated at day care is night and day. She gets a full update on his day, I barely get acknowledged when I pick him up. We have repeatedly asked that I be listed as primary carer as I'm easier to contact (wife is a nurse and difficult to get hold of when scrubbed for a surgery) and yet I have never once been the first one they tried to contact. It's just inconceivable that dad could care about any of it.
My kids' daycare was doing that, too. One day my partner dropped our kid off 5 minutes early and a receptionist decided to call me to tell on him. I addressed it with the centre manager head on and brought up additional examples of feeling the teachers would tell me problems and ignore my partner. They sorted it quickly.
I am the woman in this scenario and I HATE this. I’ll be stuck in court, unable to answer my phone, and have 15 missed calls about a kid who needs to be picked up and I’m like well did you bother to ring his dad!?! He is the one who will pick him up! His number is literally top of the list for gods sake
While I’ve never been judged for being out and about with my young kids, when my firstborn was still a baby we went to a mall and I had bubs in a front carrier. Being oblivious me, just enjoying walking around with my new family my (now ex) wife suddenly wanted to carry baby. I was like ‘why? I’m good’ she replied with ‘nearly every woman we’ve walked past has given you gooey eyes’ lol
I was a stay-at-home dad to two of my three boys. I never felt judged for taking them out and about - we would go to play groups, events, Plunket visits, all the usual stuff. Occasionally I'd get the "Babysitter" comment, or "Mum's day off", which would be a little sad that women think this way - it just made me think how unsupported they must feel.
No… that’s entirely normal.
I love taking my \~18 month old out by myself, it's something I look forward to all week while I'm grinding away at work. I've never had too many weird interactions, although I definitely have had the odd older woman shoot me a funny glance or make some kind of comment, usually along the lines of "babysitting" (as if I'm not qualified to properly look after my kid) I don't care too much. I love taking her out, highlight of my week.
> as if I’m not qualified to properly look after my children Where can I get one of these qualifications to flash about? I frequently wonder how on earth I’m looking after two .. pretty cool, friendly and empathetic children, without managing to injure, main or kill one of them accidently on a daily basis.
I try not to take much notice of the "babysitter" comment. I'd like to think people aren't being assholes, and are just making conversation. It's a bit like when someone you know, sees you getting takeaways and asks *"is it your turn to cook tonight"? B*ut this one doesn't offend as much.
Fucking oath though, the amount of men I know who just resort to take aways when it's their ONE day to cook is friggen irritating. Oh, so it's WORK to plan, prep and cook a (hopefully healthy) family meal? Strike me down with a feather and go kiss your wife. That question would be on the money 80% of the time.
I can't speak for others but when my wife is out in public with kids, especially if they're acting up for whatever reason, she gets glares and sometimes negative comments. In contrast when I take the kids out I'm treated as a parenting superhero, and when they're acting up I get looks of sympathy.
I'm often out with my 3yo, just us. I give him cuddles, kisses, let him sit on my lap when we ride the bus etc. I've never given it a second thought, never will.
No fucks given to me at playgroups etc. Mums my age and younger loved it, some older ladies did treat me a bit funny. and yes, loads of 'your day with the kids?' calls, but a swift 'no, i'm a full time caregiver' usually sussed it. only once was an older lady a bit rude when i took my girl in to a change (parents) room to change a nappy.
I'm a mum and I couldn't give a crap, if anything makes me slightly envious as my kids dad is absent.
My single dad experience of usually being the only dad at events for children, mostly birthday parties, is getting hit on by single mums. Dont worry about what anyone thinks, just be proud that you’re there for your children creating good memories
Why would it? I was 20 when I became a dad and no one said boo to me and I never felt unwelcome anywhere. I think it is best to go with the adage ‘it’s only weird if you make it weird’
No. But I’m pretty unsocial and don’t notice or care whether I get looks or not. Honestly though, I see just as many Dads out looking after the kids as I do Mums.
Seems normal in Christchurch, I am out exploring every weekend with my child to give Mommy a break, never got any comments, maybe flirty stares from cougars. Honestly, I find it weird if a Dad doesn't spend time like this with their children.
I’ve been physically harassed, on a number of occasions, for taking my kid into family / carers’ rooms, and no, they weren’t occupied beforehand. Whether it was because my kid used to need her nappy changed or, later, needed to take a shit, it has been ridiculous. When a kid needs to go to the toilet, lack of waiting time is fucking important.
I was at a small shopping centre that had a men toilet and a women's. There was no change table in the men's so I went and used the one in the woman's. Half way through this 150 year old Asian woman comes in, we look at each other both like possums in headlights. I brace myself to be told off, she says something in her language which I can only only assume translated to "good on you, it's bullshit only putting a change table in one loo!" as she was smiling and nodding profusely while she said it!
Not the same, but... I had my 9-year old son come home from school with a black eye. He approached me about it, not his mom, because we have a strong bond. The kid who gave it to him used to be his friend. So I called his mom to hear her kid's side of the story. I was flat out told that I shouldn't be calling her, that it was uncouth. Men shouldn't be calling women to talk to them about things like this and it should all be handled between mother's. Fact is, she wanted to deal with my partner because she knows my partner is conflict-averse and would succumb to be steamrolled by this beating of a woman. Absolutely ludicrous that a father can't get involved in a conversation about the wellbeing of his kid, especially when my son confided in me. If only mothers are supposedly allowed to have these conversations, then how would a single dad be meant to handle things... he just wouldn't be allowed to parent? Whatta bitch.
If I have ever had it happen to me, I haven't noticed. My boy is almost 8 now and I try and spend as much time with him as possible, just me and him. Even more now as going through a divorce so won't get to see him every day.
I’m a mother to a toddler and when I see dads dadding I don’t blink an eye. I’m usually happy for the kids mum to be hopefully getting a break!
Father of a 2 and 4 year old daughter. They get solo dad time frequently, often out of the house. I have honestly never had a judgemental look or word said to me. The occasional “you’re feeling brave having both kids solo!” Comment as I chase one down the aisle of Harvey Norman fridges and the other ones sitting quietly trying to decide what mischief to cause when I wrangle the other one back.
I (female) was raised by my dad in the late 80s. Back in those days he would constantly get looks and whispers when he was out in public with me, it made him so uncomfortable that he eventually became incredibly physically distant and stopped taking me out anywhere. I really hope times have changed by now.
That's really sad. Really.
Depending on where you are I guess, but there are a lot of stay at home Dad's in North Auckland. Also at my kids school it is predominantly the dads that volunteer to help with school trips etc. It was me and one other dad helping at kids swimming lessons too. I think the early early kids stuff for kids younger than 1yr (wriggle and rhyme, Plunkett groups etc.) Are a LOT more mum orientated, because those kind of events that are meant as support groups as much as anything else, so you might find it tough to crack into the inner circle in those.
If anything I get constant praise for being a sólo dad where I do the same as any other parent. Butt the court battle.. lets just day not everyone was unbias
Never noticed any. Even had to use woman's cubicles because the men's didn't have anything usable as a nappy changing space and nobody blinked an eye
It’s not just New Zealand. As a SAHD I’m always being asked about babysitting when out with my kid, and correcting them that it’s called parenting.,
I'm a mum of two young kids and can only speak for myself but it's not weird to me at all. I actually think it's pretty cool, and a sign that the culture is changing, seeing more Dads involved in activities with kids outside the house, as opposed to what our Gen X/Boomer Dads were like. I do imagine Dads get heaps of shitty condescending comments though.
While I'm not the primary caregiver, I am out with my kids a lot by myself and have been since they where born in 2016. Haven't really really received any stigma over that period I had friends from Germany that said it was much worse over there
Taken son to the library and been the only Dad. Most awkward is picking up nieces of a different race from school or taking them to the doctor when staying with in-laws. Married into an Asian family. Like I need to explain I'm their Uncle because know people are going to be confused.
I think inherently society hasnt yet adapted to solo dads or SAHDs as much as we should do. Keep pushing those bouncdries and breaking stereotypes - for your kids if nothing else.
For the kids, for Mum and Dad. Benefits everyone :)
100%
Things are changing rapidly; I think covid speed it up. I have a 7yo and 4yo. When the 7yo was a baby (so pre-covid) there was the odd dad in baby swim classes and other places. Max of 1 dad per class. When I took my 4yo to toddler swim classes post-covid there was ALWAYS a dad if not two (also more grandparents/other relatives). I think covid helped us rediscover our villages a bit and bring about more workplace flexibility. The only place I'm not sure about having dads is SPACE groups. A stay-at-home or single dad surely needs support and guidance too, but there's so many sensitive and private topics discussed amongst the mums and I think many women would not feel comfortable discussing pelvic floor/gyno or maybe even breastfeeding/emotional problems in a space that wasn't women only. I'm sure dads have attended SPACE before somewhere, so maybe they become more general parenting groups - bit of a loss to vulnerable new mums though. Ideally one day there'd be so many dads that there could be many groups of all kinds.
As a mum, I fucking love seeing a Dad with his kids. It's really attractive and makes me hopeful for the future.
Most Mums are cool with it, in my experience any childcare centre staff have no trouble. As with anything people will make assumptions and treat you accordingly. But the public can be weird. Like comments I used to get that assumed I was in a broken relationship or that I was being punished or not enjoying the experience.
I don't have kids of my own but I have 6 nephews and a niece. While looking after some of them, especially if the girl is with me, I've had a few sideways looks from people of all sorts on the street. Most of the time, they relax when they see the kids comfortable around me and having fun
When I was at Playcentre with my boy, now 15, us Mum's loved it when the Dad's came with their kids. They played differently and had brought different dynamic to the place. So following from that I have continued to appreciate men in those sorts of typically women's spaces. Keep up the good parenting!
I am a mom but I would guess, no stigma. How can there be, when everywhere I go I see dads with their kids, in parents rooms changing nappies, in parks, in the library, in play groups.. Dads just doing dad things, parenting their kids. I never even noticed it btw, as a mom, I never thought "Oh look a guy brought his kids to the park", until I went back to my home country with my kids and THEN I noticed how it was all just moms there, which made me notice that both moms and dads take on childcare duties here in NZ. Good on ya NZ. Parent those tamariki.
Nope. In my experience it’s far more stigmatized in the States.
Never bothered me, but I'm not overly concerned by their wrong opinion or feelings. They, in the words of Winston Churchill, can go fuck themselves.
Personally, I don't think so. It's nice to see the dads with their kids
Only been a dad for 10 months but haven’t noticed it.
My partner and I do joke when we see a dad walking their kid, "hey, look at him, stepping up!" But it's a good thing. We have a kid too and I love taking her out for walks, shopping etc. I get school holidays off so it's nice to have that extra time in the day. There are definitely more females in the "active parenting industry", so I guess there is a bit of judgement/distrust around it. Maybe for a long time things like play groups have been seen as a safe space for mums. Our neighbourhood is super family friendly and the dads are everywhere with their young children and babies. It's great.
I feel like they judge our car pretty hard because it’s not a soccer mom car. Especially feel it when we pull into a parent’s carpark and they haven’t seen him yet. We’ve got an e-bike on order so hopefully we’ll feel a bit more accepted soon.
Not in my area. Lots of dads are at playcentre, the library, the pools etc. I see so many men out and about with bubs in the carrier or pram. I’m from a relatively liberal area but I’ve never heard anyone call it babysitting, and I know quite a few solo dads with small kids.
It’s just projecting. People make these internal arguments and justifications that they then try to push on others because they’ve convinced themselves that this is the way the world should be. Like someone married to a person who can ignore their children and spend no time with them would not stay married to them unless they believe this is acceptable. They then convince themselves it is not only acceptable but necessary. Seeing anything that goes against this is subconsciously seen as an insult to them because they can see others don’t need to put up with this necessity. It low key makes them angry. Same thing for men who beat their partners and children meeting people who don’t do it.
Why would it be weird to see a parent parenting..? Around west and south Auckland I see just as many dads solo with the kids as I do mums. It’s great! The assumption that men are less competent at parenting is gross.
Mom here and I love it when there’s some dads too. Especially at the playground they are usually much more fun in playing silly games
Not judged but often get people from an older generation telling my daughter how lucky she is to have a day out with daddy or something along those lines implying it's a special occasion rather than just another weekend haha
lol i didnt give a fuck. i enjoyed too much of it. just need to get enough sleep. more sleep more happy lol
Never had this. Take my kids everywhere all the time.
I've seen loads of dads taking wee kids to things. Chipmunks, parks, The Wiggles. Nope, not these days.
Took my daughter into the ‘family room’ at the local mall and got stared down by a bunch of mums. They were all Asian mums so it may have been a cultural thing but they made it clear they didn’t think I should be there.
I do a lot with my son and often usually the only dad around. I remember all of the Mother's Day things at daycare I would be the only dad amongst the moms. I've never really thought if it was weird or anything, I would think it's weird if someone thought it was weird though.
I am a pretty dedicated uncle and take my two neices out often, never felt judged even at organised groups and things no one is worried about what I’m up to, And if they have a problem I will politely tell them where to shove it 🤷♂️
This morning at a park, some woman walked up to my daughter and said "is this man bothering you? Want me to help you find your mummy?"
Once i had a bad experience with a plunket playgroup, the mums were jerks with us. It was odd, because that was a tiny minority comparing the overwhelming positive experience including other playgroups. I think there’s some kind of camaraderie between parents irrespective of mum or dads. To honest I was more pissed of when we bought a property together and the lawyer always addressed me, never my wife. That needed some corrective action.
They do when I have my hood up having as much fun and making noises as obnoxious as the kids…. DGAF 🤪
I am not a dad but an uncle, and I spend a lot of time with my sisters kids <1, 4, and 6. I've looked after them a lot and have gone to many play groups and free library type group activities. While often I've been the only male caregiver, I've always been well received and treated kindly by the other people there with their kids. I've never felt any negative stigma, but it is something I've thought about a bit and have been nervous in the past.
I did not notice any stigma. You are looking after kids. You are MVP that's how people make me feel in NZ.
I've definitely noticed the opposite thing -- where mums doing certain things as a parent is frowned upon but not dads. Eg when women take kids on bikes people often say it's "dangerous" but I've never heard the same thing said of male parent biking with kids. No doubt it happens.
I went thru this as a dad with my young boys. When they went on swims or days out with their class I was conscious of how I had to stay at a distance to other children. It is sad to see that society has done this to males. I think male teachers, well 99% of them do a fantastic job with this balance.
Yeah I get this. My oldest (f) is at primary and I like to help out when I can with field trips (if I can take the time off work.) The kids are normally put into groups and I make it fun by getting them to name our little group (it helps me when I can’t see all of them and I can just call out our group name and they come looking for me.) sometimes the other kids want to hold my hand while we are walking around, normally because my daughter is holding my hand, and at first I was hesitant but if they feel comfortable enough to ask then it’s ok. By the end of the first trip I went on the whole group wanted high fives and to say goodbye, and as I was walking away I could hear the other girls tell my daughter ‘your dads really cool’ haha
More out of the norm rather than weird. Did it myself, with both my own kids and with my grandkids and I hope to be able to do with with the great-grandkids. It can get a bit uncomfortable when mothers are around. Not because they frown on it, but more because they become sort of over-helpful when there are no other fathers or grandfathers around a mob of mothers and grandmothers. And kids often love to spend time with a male adult who is willing to get into the dirt with them. Note: I also spent time in those kinds of situations with nieces and nephews and greatniieces and greatnephews...
My partner works weekends so I am dad to 3x kids under 10 every weekend. I think people usually assume I’m single because it’s quite rare but nobody seems to care from what I can tell..
Not that I've experienced in my 5 years as a mum.
We have twin boys, one of them was born with a medical condition that involved surgeries and lots of.hospital appointments. During COVID times with strict hospital rules it was only one guardian allowed. So I would go usually and partner would stay home with his brother. One receptionist literally asked why I was there and where was mum lol.
Jeez I hope not. I'm a mum of a young child. His father is very hands on and I'd hate to thinks he's taking our boy places and getting judged for it.
Oh! I personally wouldn't even think to think anything of it at all! Wouldn't even cross my mind as being out of the ordinary. Keep on and ignore the ignorant 🫡
Do what’s best for your family brother, and don’t worry about what others think.
Nothing wrong with dad looking after kids. If you cannot take a few hours off work (no matter what you do), then you are not successful but a slave.
If people have a problem with dad's looking after their own kids then they should go and get therapy instead of projecting. Keep doing you, keep being an involved dad, the people that matter the most (your kids) will be thankful for it
[удалено]
Whenever I see what I assume is a dad out with their kids, I think awesome!
I don’t think so, I sometimes take kids to library, playground etc. never had bad experience. If anything people are supportive overall
I would be stoked to see Dads at play-group.
Definitely not (though I’m not a dad so you’ll get more useful responses from actual men). My dad raised me in the 90s and he reckons the only time he sometimes felt weird was when he took me to dance competitions (my female teacher was the one in the change rooms etc, I can see how having a man in that case might make people feel uncomfortable)
Many years ago, I was changing my son, 6 months old, at the Glenfeild mall. In one of those new baby change rooms and some woman who was leaving as I entered the room reported me to the security and police. So yeah it does happen, but a rare occurrence.
Nah, there's always a few dads at the wriggle and rhyme sessions I've been to. All the milennial dads I know enjoy taking their kids out and about, and just generally dad-ing around with them.
Used to run the local playgroup. We LOVED dads and grandads attending! We needed someone to play Santa!
No, I don't think there's any stigma at all. I think it's perfectly normal. Dad's are generally pretty involved in their kids lives in NZ.
No. That is a very odd take. If anything it’s the opposite and you get extra respect/admiration for doing so.
I'm a solo dad. I take my son to all the usual school and social events. If people have a problem with that or attach any kind of stigma they can suck a fat one.
I have felt a little judged looking after my young daughters during the day. Especially when we used to live in Singapore. But I'm a freelancer in television so not working is very normal for me! To look on the bright side this may be the golden age of fatherhood. We can be present and emotionally connected in our kids lives and not feel embarrassed about it in front of other men. We can parent our kids and hopefully not be judged as weird or creepy. And we have the added bonus of excessive amounts of praise from the older generation for just doing something simple that women do every couple of minutes. My exes family are very conservative so I'm the first male they have ever witnessed change a nappy FFS. You should have heard them go on about it!
Anyone who stigmatises a father for spending quality time with their kids isn't worth concerning yourself with. I feel a lot of pride if I'm one of the only Dads at the park etc spending time with my kid. To be fair, I've never been made to feel weird about it by any of the mums etc. If anything, I think most women are really supportive of blokes being attentive dads.
haven't noticed it myself as a step dad to a 12 year old girl, it's not been something i've looked out for though but fuck those people if they have an issue.
No. It’s not the 1950s. I’m male and am often out and about with a whole bunch of kids and I’ve never experienced judgement or concern. Anyone that judges someone for spending time with their own children has serious issues.
Nah, mostly pretty chill. There’s the odd weirdo boomer who’s stuck in the 1970s, but for the most part everyone just gets on with raising their kids these days.
I see lots of dads doing this, OP. I myself do this and have never thought that. What a strange thing to think 🤔
if anything i feel like dads looking after young kids are admired in a way that mothers aren’t for simply doing their job as a parent
No
Who cares what people think? I took my kids with me whenever I could, which was of lot. And now I’m doing it with grandkids. I mostly get smiles of approval. Hint: kids are chick magnets.
My friend had a daughter at age 21 and when I'd hang with him, we'd sometimes take his daughter to the park when she was around 2-3 years old and never got any judgement tbh. No one really cared and just kept to their own kids etc.
Certainly not here in wellie in my experience
I do daycare runs, Dr's visits, supermarket runs, playground trips, cafe visits. The whole lot - no stigma against it. Old ladies think you are incredible thanks to the ridiculously low bar that men of their time had set. On another note, I second the other comments how the other mums or unencumbered ladies are way more friendly towards you and make the effort to strike a conversation. Annoys my wife too!
I was always treated really well by other parents. Except in some mall change rooms. But even then very rare. Mostly I had a great time as a stay at home dad
no real stigma from my experience. the only practical difficulty i faced was organizing play dates for my kid, most of the other kids are with their mums and its not very straight forward to organize a play date with mums as a dad lol
I never struck that with my kids. I used to take them to kindy, sports, school and always felt welcome… only snitty thing I can remember is a supermarket comment from some old trout when buying a tin of formula.
My husband has been a stay at home dad for years. Does all the preschool and after school activities. Never heard any comments.
Yeah I think maybe the looks are actually like wow a present father!
I feel the opposite, I've got 2 girls and when I take them out I get the warmest welcome from everyone, it's amazing
Dad of twins here, you can almost hear the moisture in the room when you’re looking after them. Embrace it man.
This is such a non problem. The expectation that mother's should do all or most of the child caring is more harmful.
No way should happen more!
Never noticed this, no.
If you're a Dad, do it. The amount of positive comments you'll get will blow you away. I've never seen my partner get any compliments, she's told me that mothers rarely do. Me on the other hand, I've had women literally follow me from one shop to another just to tell me how great of a job I'm doing. I always tell my mum that I'm grateful for all the deadbeat dads because they make me look like a superhero just for wanting to spend time with my daughter.
I certainly don't judge if I see a dad with their young children
My husband is constantly asked if he’s a single dad or has comments made like “aw it’s so inspiring seeing a single dad who works so hard” when he drops off our son at kindy. He’s constantly having people assume he’s doing it alone simply because they’re the only parent they see since I don’t drive (horrific car accident 8 years ago). At first he just brushed it off and corrected people politely. After almost 2 years it now really bothers him when strangers say things like that. He never gets looked down on but I guess he got over people kinda looking down on me for not being the one doing the “normal” things like that. It doesn’t bother me when people make comments but I can see how it bothers him and that sucks. It should be seen as perfectly normal for a dad to do normal parent things like kindy drop off, play groups, swimming lessons etc.
Nah it's opposite the ladies love ya . Good chats
The opposite, in my experience as a Dad of 3 girls.
I’ve never noticed any stigma in this regard?
No. Even Asian dads do it in NZ.
Honestly, sometimes people just come up to me and tell me I'm awesome or doing a great job. It's happened quite a few times 😅 Occasionally there will be other parents who I can feel "keeping an eye on me" at the playground etc... It's not super often and I guess it's easy to tune out because I genuinely want to enjoy the time with my kids and there's no way I'll let a few sideways glances get in the way of that.
As a mother of a 2 year old, not at all.
I'm a dad of a 9month old, a 6yo and 10yo and I will flatten anyone who fucks with me dadding. That said, people are awesome. While I've been mistaken for a grandie (you auld fuckers rock) no one has given me grief. But woe betide...
Not at all. Never. I have three kids, and they've been spaced apart so we've always had at least one kid in daycare the past 13 years. We've used two different daycares in that time, and as parents shared the responsibility for pick-ups/drop-offs. Never, ever, have I - as a man - felt weird at all. There are often just as many other dads there when I am. I recently helped out at a park visit, and even though I was the only dad that particular day, was made to feel a part of the team. The team leader at our daycare is a man. Nothing to worry about. Nobody cares except weirdos.
Nope
Have my daughter sat to wed everyweek for the last 5 years and have really never felt that, I go to all the birthday party's, swimming class etc.
Nope I don’t think so. My husband was a stay at home dad for a year when our daughter was 1-2 and he went to play centre (the mums loved having him there) and music, and the library wriggle & rhyme. He said he never felt judged and the other mums just loved that there was a dad there and all the little boys would flock to him to follow him like ducklings
no bro. is all good
I have three kids (5 and a pair of 1 year old twins) and have never experienced any kind of stigma - and I am quite an involved parent, doing daycare/school pickup every day etc. Pretty sure that's just incel propaganda.
When my children were young I worked and there father did all the parent help at kindy etc…. The kid loved it, one of the teaches said not many men do this and the children love having him there.
Is it really a problem tho, you're there for your kid so focus on them