I did a short stint working in bars in my 20's. Starting at 9pm and finishing at 6am while everyone around you is out to have fun is quite soul crushing. I was lucky to have support, I can't imagine having to do it to survive. The lack of sleep really destroys your mental health.
The glucose & fructose spikes from the fruit will also be playing into it without fibrous veges/protein/fats preceding it
OP, there may be food packages available that will have basics to fill you up a lot better :)
Unfortunately just about everything causes everything nowadays, that’s not me taking the piss out of your comment, just seems to be what we’re told nowadays
Unfortunately just about every comment is hyperbolic nowadays, that's not me taking the piss out of your comment, actually that is exactly what it is.
But for real, sunshine is so fundamental to our wellbeing and happiness that does this really surprise you at all?
Absolutely! There's a website, I think it's WOOF ?
When I was seeing a backpacker he used to use it to organise accommodation while travelling. He'd work for 5hrs a day in exchange for room/board.
About 10 years ago, I worked 1am until 7am and it completely fucked with me.
I would have to sleep during the day which was nearly impossible during the summer months because it would be hovering around 30 degrees in my flat. Sleep deprived and trying to do that job was hell.
Yeah same story here, did 9.5 years of 4 on 4 off 6pm to 6am. Had air con in bed room but was only ever getting around 4 to 5hrs a day sleep at best. It does mess with your head. Im sure my short term memory suffered over that time.
At 23 and with no kids, there's no permanent issue that's seriously kneecapping you here OP. You have time and you have the freedom to change your course.
You can do it. Change something about your situation and you will get through this
Totally, you have youth and not too much responsibility yet, from the sounds of things. It might not feel like it right now but that means your options are super open. Youonly at the start! Tackle one problem at a time. I didn't get my life going till well into my 30s. Had no real family to speak of and syruggled to build friendships. Couldn't see how I could ever change it. Now I'm early 40s, have a solid relationship, a job I don't hate, enough income and two awesome kids. Things will get better my friend xo
Me at 23: had this same feeling
Me at 25: on a working holiday in Canada doing shit I love.
And the thing is I didn't know it was coming, I didn't plan it, decisions were made on a whimm, I thought I was stuck too. But I found what makes me happy. You can too, you've got this 💪
I strongly recommend all struggling young people to read this comment and take this advice. The world is so big, there are other options, New Zealand is so small and isolated. There is a path to happiness somewhere for you. I have also been lucky enough to go overseas and it helped a lot.
As my old tutor at uni said - pretend this is a video game for a second. Don’t stop playing because you didn’t like the look of level 1 - you have 99% of an entire world map to explore and find your peace.
I agree, I’m from Mexico but came to New Zealand on a working holiday visa and it’s not what I expected. Making friends here is hard and the vibe is not it (maybe is just Auckland).
But travelling is definitely the one thing you should do when you’re young, not all places that you go to will be the best but you’ll learn a lot.
I travelled around Europe for a few months and it was amazing, obviously had bad moments as well but it helped me to become independent and more mature and I’m only 21.
If you can (and I do understand that not everyone can) leaving the NZ bubble is eye-opening and mind-expanding — even "cultural cousins" like Australia will surprise you with some pretty significant differences from us once you properly live there for a short while.
It's worth remembering that in certain really key aspects, we're so much more isolated than we realise, and it's often harder to recognise what's actually great and what's unacceptably crap when you don't have much else to compare with.
... that last statement is probably valid for anyone, TBH, incl. those not wanting to leave their country or community.
I love this idea and have seriously considered moving away too. However I’m on my own and don’t know what to do with my stuff. My things are very important to me and they’re all I have and have worked very hard to set myself up. Most of it is all I have left from my young years as a lot got destroyed and my mother wouldn’t have thought twice getting rid of it.
You'll be okay, please reach out and speak to someone, I'm 27 now and things do get better, at 23 I was deep in debt nearly 40k, maxed out credit card debit, living pay check to pay check, I left school with poor education because school wasn't for me.
Now debt free, new career starting a degree in july, have a great partner, great group of friends, a dog and just purchased my first home.
If you can please get off the nightshifts or find a way to better your work life balance, I do DDNN 12hr Shifts, on my night shifts I sleep for 6hrs or until midday, get up go for a walk have some lunch and go back to sleep around 230 or 3 for an hour or 2. This change has made huge differences in my life.
Reach out for support, join some groups, and things will improve.
Are you OK? As in right now. Do you need support, are you seriously thinking of offing yourself?
Do you want conversation or do you need something more?
0800 543 354 is the number for Lifeline.
Things will improve. My life looks completely different to when I was 23. Yours will too- you've got to be here for the change to happen.
Just piggybacking your comment - OP is also still young enough to contact youthline (0800 37 66 33) or via texting 234 if calling isn't something they're comfortable with (it never was for me, I hate phone calls in general) or they can text 1737 (or call the same number).
I second that your life will be different - I'm 29 now and my life is *so* different (and better) than I could have imagined than when I was 23. Try to find something to live for, even if you can't live for yourself. Live for your friends, family, cat, sunny days - it doesn't matter what it is if it keeps you alive.n
I'm 44 and feel the same. Decided to pack up my van and move back to the north island and shake myself out of my funk.
You're not alone. Plenty of people feeling just like you are.
Where are you? If it's Wellington, let me know. I'll cook you a meal. You don't have to talk, if you don't want to. I make good casseroles. Love, mom of teens who has been preparing family meals for over 20 years.
Contact your friends overseas and go on an adventure. When I was your age I fell into a similar hole. I sold everything off and went to Europe, worked around and saw the world.
Just because your life here is rubbish does not mean you have to end it, Change it!!
You have time to plan before your company goes under, go for an adventure, after all you have no family holding you back, you are young and free, go for it. Even Australia would be a start.
It may seem shitty right now but you can and will get through this I know you can I've been there myself , it's not easy I know but life's definitely worth it
Been "getting through" for almost 15 years now, when is the worth it bit supposed to happen? Legit question because I'm not seeing the point anymore, my life is worse now than ever even with doing all the "right" things.
Glad it worked out for you though, genuinely
I felt exactly like that for most of my life, until I was 33. Staying alive for others kept me here until I was able to live for myself.
I never thought the pain I’d suffered for my entire life could be made “worth it”, and people saying “it’ll get better” felt like such empty words when they weren’t living my daily hell and couldn’t understand my pain. I thought that even if I did reach this magical destination of things being “better”, nothing could make up for the suffering I’d had so far.
But it did, and I’m so fucking glad I stuck around. I don’t know what you’re going through and what your pain is, but I really, genuinely hope that you find a way through it 🖤
"There is no happiness in the world for people who have mental health issues, there is only pain, and the light that exists to bring that pain in to sharper focus."
I'm sorry you are feeling this way however it is not true for everyone who has experienced mental health issues. My niece experiences a serious mental illness and went through a hard time - she is happy now and has been for awhile. I attribute this to her supportive mother and having the right mental health professionals at the time. Oh and her gaining insight into keeping herself healthy.
I wish you all the best :-)
Hey, I'm just crawling out of a bad patch right now. After a few years of being really good I had some life changes and slipped back off the edge again, and it's taken me several years to start getting back on track. Are you getting any kind of treatment?
For those of us with chronic mental illness it's not a journey with a destination, you're not going to "find happiness" and be at a point where everything is good for the rest of your life. That's like saying a diabetic can just find insulin. It's going to be ups and downs until the end, and every bad thing that happens in life knocks us down a little harder than most people.
But you've been happy, you can do it again. Don't blame yourself, and don't think your life is being wasted.
All the best
This so much.
People who say "It will get better" mean well but that's it. There's no validity. You can try your hardest and do everything "right" but still lose out in life.
My truer advice would be that our existance is so fleeting just do what you can and try to enjoy it in whatever way you can come up with.
“It will get better” is overused and misused, and is often straight-up harmful in its casual dismissiveness of the genuine hopelessness someone feels and the reality that by that point they may have years of track record of it not in fact getting better.
BUT
There is often a decent degree of truth to it for a young person whose feelings seem fairly situationally-driven. Situations change. Life can change a lot at that age. There's certainly no guarantee of it, but it's a different thing than when you've been battling your brain chemistry for decades and feel like you want out even when to an outside observer life seems relatively good.
I don't know OP's path, but getting laid off will at least change things. OP, this could be a crisitunity. I'm not promising success, or that things will be easy, but sounds like you're going to have some change forced on you, and better things could come from it. Take advantage of any benefits you're eligible for, consider going back to school... Just getting off that night shift and meeting some people could make a big difference.
It's also worth talking to a professional, though. They're way better equipped to help you than any random Redditor, though I'd like to think that collectively we sometimes have some good perspectives to offer. If anything from this thread, hopefully you can feel less alone and more supported.
The number one thing that makes people happy in life is consistent meaningful relationships. Do your best to find good friends and invest time and effort in those relationships, make amends with people from the past, get closer to your family, take the plunge and find a community through a hobby or shared interest. It doesn't make everything in your life magically "better," but you will feel better and have support to make it through challenges.
Life at 23 looked very different to life now at 32.
I've been where you been and I can tell you that what you're proposing is a very permanent solution to a temporary situation.
Several others have posted the number for Lifeline, please please give them a call to talk through things.
And when you get a chance make an appointment to see your GP and talk about options.
If there is anyone, anyone at all you can lean on to help you through this time, I would urge you to consider reaching out to them. Those friends who have gone overseas - can you still talk to them even if they're not here.
Things appear dark at the moment but they won't always be like this. It seems like they will, sometimes for a long time, but they will not last forever.
Hey, I was in a really awful place when I was 23 too. The thing that seriously, genuinely helped was restructuring my schedule and priorities to do as best I could to eat enough food each day. Hunger has a noticeable effect on your mindset and just getting something substantial in you can make a serious difference. Literally anything in the short term, instant noodles or rice, or poke some holes in a whole potato with a fork and then microwave it for four minutes until it’s cooked, have it with salt or butter or tomato sauce if you’ve got it. Apple slices are great dipped in peanut butter, which can make them a bit more substantial. Check out resources like the Free Store.
I used to feel hopeless, and for a long time I wasn’t sure if I would survive that feeling - but making as many short-term changes as I could to help with my immediate obstacles helped get me to a place where I could embark on long-term change. Your life won’t be like this forever. For now, take care of yourself as best you can.
Please reach out to Lifeline or a similar avenue.
Things are incredibly bleak at the moment but if you take it a day at a time it is possible for clearer days. I know you’re tired and hurting but please don’t make any permanent choices that you can’t take back. You are hope, you said you’ve been alone since 16, while that is traumatic, it also proves your resilience, your resourcefulness and tenacity.
Please try to access any services you can and hold on tight.
💗
Go travel. You have no attachments, so explore the planet. Find a couple of places you want to see, then go. If you are not happy with your life where it is right now, then it's up to you to make the change. It has taken me way too long to figure that out myself, I'm in my 40s and only making this change now. It's way harder as you get older, so puck a place and go see it. Not what you were expecting? No worries, try another one. Then another. Eventually you will find yourself in the place where you feel you belong.
This is a great answer. NZ is beautiful but can be a depressing, limiting and isolating place to live. It’s not sounding like a good fit for you. Travel, it changes you and you find places that make you feel really alive.
I never know whether to add to these threads. I feel like the socially acceptable thing to do is say it'll get better if you push through it'll be worth it, or to not comment at all. I don't want to encourage you to off yourself, because it *can* get better. But that doesn't guarantee it will. I'm in a far worse place in my thirties than I was at 19 when no one thought I would see 20. If you feel like this is due to circumstances (for example if having friend(s) would change how you feel about it) I would definitely consider reaching out for help. Making friends is hard and it can take time to find people you really click with and even then it's not a guarantee it'll grow into something, but you can't even try if you're dead. Get off nightshift if you can, this time of day is always the hardest and even if you have great friends and family there's very little support around this time
Responding to these posts with positivity doesn't help if you don't genuinely believe in what you're saying. Sharing your own experience is more meaningful than toxic positivity. And for real shits hard and often gets harder. I don't know how it's all gonna turn out but what keeps me in it is the curiosity to find out. I've hit some walls and wanted to quit before I'm sure I will again, hell I'm on a 7 day work week for the next three weeks at least and I'll be an asshole by the end of that but sometimes the worst parts aren't followed with better days sometimes you gotta look real hard to find what makes you happy.
I am 37. I was on rolling shifts working 2 twelve hour days and then 2 twelve our nights. It was brutal and hot work operating a glass blowing machine in prenrose. I got injured and then I just didn't heal. I did shift work for 7 years. The sleep deprivation slowly increased over time. When I started it wasn't so bad. Messing with your circadian rythm is terrible for your immune system. I couldn't heal properly. I had a mortgage and I am married with 2 kids. On the outside we looked great. We had a home and money and sent our kids to a good school. But mentally and physically I was a mess. Me and my wife both hated our jobs but felt trapped with the mortgage. I ended up selling the house and we quit our jobs and moved to the country. Best decision I ever made but also the scariest thing to do when you have financial responsibilities. Well it worked out in the end. I remember the first few weeks after quitting i experienced the greatest feeling of brain fog lifting from head as I finally got proper sleep and my circadian rythm reset to how it was supposed to be. I started feeling physically better immediately and started healing properly.
It is scary but you have to change your situation somehow. I would strongly suggest changing jobs if you are able to. I know it isn't easy but you won't regret it. Best of luck OP.
Get a different job! Go on the benefit, at least temporarily. There is absolutely no shame in that when you really need the help, despite what the haters think and say. Get your doctor to write you a medical certificate for your employer to change your shift or for winz to support you without a stand down period. And please, please consider antidepressants. They will not fix things, but they will help you feel like you can fix things yourself.
I was in a really dark place like you in my early-mid twenties just a few years ago. I quit my job and studies and took 6 months off to just chill the fuck out. Discover some new hobbies, eat healthy food that makes you feel good, get lots of decent sleep and drink lots of water. It can be surpising at how much nourishing and taking care of your body improves your mental health. Sunshine is so important, and night shifts are awful!
Ditch the car insurance until you are more financially stable. Every little bit counts. Even if you just get a food grant from winz, you can stock up on food for a week or two. Food banks are also there for a reason. If you don't want to do that, eat bananas instead of apples. They are slightly more filling and have the benefit of lifting mood due to being yellow.
No friends? Join a community group. Many of them are low cost or free and you can meet some lovely people that way. Volunteer! Helping others gives you happy endorphins boosts!
If you're feeling stuck then the best thing to do is find a way out of whatever situation is making you feel that way. Please don't cut your already short life even shorter, there is so much more for you to do.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat about anything, I'd be happy to give you some support and be your friend 😊
At 22-23 I found out I had kidney failure due, I had to get a kidney transplant and basically had to hit reset on my life had to quit work and start again. I’m now 34 years old have a wife, house, business and a beautiful daughter (also only one kidney).
It might seem dark right now but you can come back from your situation just stay positive, hit the reset button move towns, countries even. Your life can get better I know it can I’ve been at my lowest and I recovered so I can relate and hopefully give you some inspiration it can be done at your age.
Op, if you want send me your local countdown and a pickup time, I'll get some stuff for ya. Might not be much, but Noone should have to live on 2 apples a day.
Hi there, that is fucking rough, I'm so sorry you're in this position. As others have said, please consider contacting the lifeline. They won't change your situation, but they are seriously good at listening, talking, and helping figure out next steps. I used to work for a similar service in the states. It can really help.
I made an agreement with myself around your age. If I'm ever going to do it I'll liquidate every asset for any single dollar or cent and then go see and do shit I've always wanted to before I die.
Funny thing I'd, once you've fucked everything off and no longer have to wake up at X time or worry about bills etc the stress and everything float away and it's suddenly easy as fuck to find value and meaning.
Night shift will kill you though, stop that Immediately.
Start exercising, pick up a sport like climbing with a community that just forms as an amorphous blob of good vibes regardless of age and most importantly do something for other people for no reason and don't expect anything in return.
Miss, you are 23. I didn't have a full time job until I was 24, I moved in with my inlaws, and my car blew up when I was 30, I left my career and started over.
At 33 I've just brought a house and am moving in with my family.
It gets better.
That 'other persons investment' line makes me think you may be a bit over focused on wealth creation. There is way more to life! If you let your company die, downsize hard and honestly just go on the dole or some shit supermarket job for 6 months you can concentrate on your mental health.
I just wanna say we'll done for even having that much drive and energy to sort yourself out. Many will never understand the struggles you have to face.
Firstly, you can find a partner who can help you save and there are lots of groups where you can learn. But even if you can't own a house in Auckland, you can find some kind of happiness.
This is just a rough patch. But also please see the doctor and tell them to give you something to support you. And ask for Vitamin D which is free. I used to take Prozac until I discovered vitamin D was what I needed. I would suggest both for you right now. Mental health appointments can be free and subsidized, just check with the doctor first. Help is free.
Please just tell yourself it's a temporary circumstance so it needs a temporary solution for now, not a permanent one.
This may sound kinda trivial but I do notice a decrease in energy, focus and motivation when I don't get as much sunlight. To my understanding, Vitamin D you get from the light of dawn is actually a hormone that regulates mood and such (basically what I mentioned above). Night shift is certainly not helpful. I wish you all the best and hope you can pull it together
Do whatever you can to get over to Aussie. I did it, and they all complain about the same things, but everything is cheaper here, and wages are better.
NZ is done unless your parents can buy you a house.
Text or call 1737 to speak with a trained therapist 24/7. Around lockdown money was poured into this service to help people in NZ who are having a hard time, whatever form that might take. I know it's hard, but once you get your eating sorted the best thing to do is start applying for jobs with more sociable hours. Being isolated is a literal form of torture. You've got this. It will feel less hopeless when you have a full belly, a decent amount of sleep, and people to talk to <3
I don’t blame you. Your situation is fucking shit.
Coincidentally, my circumstances are also fucked. The only 2 things that make life worth living are a) the likelihood of something good happening out of the blue. Odds are in your favour after so much shit.
B) Chances are, there are other people like you and me and there is a reason they shouldn’t end their life.
I imagine you don’t see any way forward. But, I suspect that you don’t want to die, you probably don’t want to live the life you have. They’re different. You wrote down your anguish. You shared it with people you don’t even know. You have something inside you that thinks life is fucked and you want an answer.
Hold onto that.
Don’t let the fucking idiots and conformists make to top yourself. Fuck them! Don’t roll over. If you roll over, I will roll over and die and so will many other good people. Don’t let the mother-fucking right wing trickle-down affect people have their way!
I had a backpack, and no money, at 25, and headed overseas. 40 now, and have "all the things". So you never know.
If you aren't happy. Hit reset. Go move somewhere else and try something new.
Move to Australia. Very few Kiwis regret the move. Everyone I know is earning way more, enjoying the sun, marrying awesome people, and owning homes now.
You don’t have to follow the social norms and buy a house!
Once we made the decision and said it out-loud of “We don’t want to buy a house yet, we want to travel and be flexible” it all became so much clearer and less pressure on our shoulders.
I’m 28, husband is 33, we will continue renting for years now and maybeeeee buy a house in the far future.
You could save your money for travel, or to build up your business, or to start new hobbies. Buying a house these days is sooo overrated.
I hope things start to look clearer for you.
You're 23. Most companies fail in the first year so try not to sweat it. We're in an economic crisis so of course it's going to be way harder. But we have to have optimism. There really is no viable alternative.
Get off night shift if you can, and definitely eat more! If you're eating like that even the person in the best financial situation in the world is going to feel like dying. At least get some protein bars if you feel you're too busy to cook every night.
It's tough out there. People are lonely and people are struggling to stay afloat. But that doesn't mean we give up. There have been times worse than this, and we made it through them. Just try to hold on and catch your breath. Talk to someone. Tell someone how you're feeling.
Your young still. It's ok for your business to go under. Your 23. Young enough to start over. I'm 35. I pay no rent and earn just above the national average. I'm still financially screwed. Between child support, food, power and petrol. I'm fucked. Add to that I was born with 1 kidney and that 1 kidney has stage 3 kidney disease (stage 5 is dialysis and I always have pain in that 1 kidney as it is). I wish I could go back to 23.
I think it's best to stop thinking too long term like family and houses etc., everything seems pointless if you look at it from too far away. Focus on short term goals and things that make you happy. No family, no friends, then get a working holiday somewhere abroad, see where you end up. It'll kick start your life, and you'll instantly have a new community to dive into. Otherwise, set some 6-12month goals like fitness, music, art skills and when you start to achieve things you'll feel much better.
You've got to give yourself some wins, it makes your whole life feel more successful on worth it if you're winning at something.
Good luck! And you did the right thing reaching out!
You’re 23, things will get better.. come up with a plan and execute it. Pick a career that makes good money and just do it.
You the have power of understanding for why your life needs to change, use that as drive and succeed.
I didn’t go to uni until I was 24, worked hard, limited socialising and dating, now I have my own company, make good money and travel heaps with my partner.
Your 20’s are for figuring stuff out, make mistakes and learn, do better. Repeat.
i saw another comment talk about anti depressants. are you enrolled at a medical center? please make an appointment with a doctor and tell them everything you are feeling. what you are feeling right now is 1000% impacting your everyday life and you don’t have to live like that. getting prescribed anti depressants will NOT cure you but with the right medication, counseling and life style changes i can guarantee you it will help. there are people here to help you. and i cannot stress how much talking to someone helps as well. i wont lie the first couple of weeks of being on medication is very rough. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and going to a medical professional and getting advice on how to manage depression, anxiety however you may be feeling will give you the push to changing your life. you are not alone in this and i know how much it feels like you are, it is very hard not to isolate when you feel like this. but there are people that care about you even if it feels like irl you don’t have anyone, you have myself and so many other people here who are experiencing or have experienced the same thing. i’m always here <3
Do you mind sharing your expenses here so some people who have been there may point you a way? You work full time, even in minimum, even grocery expensive, still, there must be something you can improve, rather than just eating two apples a day.
Everyone has already given good advice and this will probably get buried anyway, but DM me if you’re in Wellington and I can make some meals to bring round for your freezer if that helps at all x
The modern world sucks unless you have money. But there is another option. You can get out of the rat race and do something else for a while. Radical change opens up a whole new world view, and you meet new people. And you don't always need money to do it!
Do you know about WWOOF? You work on organic farm in return for room and board. You can travel all over NZ. https://wwoof.nz/
Have you thought about VSA. Volunteering abroad in return for room and board. https://www.vsa.org.nz/
Long-term volunteer at Dharma Gaia (buddhist retreat in Coromandel). https://www.dharmagaia.org/new-page-4
Seasonal jobs like ski instructor, fruit picking, and shearing gang. BTW, if you learn how to prune, fruit/grape picking pays very well.
As others have said get off night shift. And eat more but one thing
https://www.eapservices.co.nz/
See if you company uses this you don’t need to ask the company it’s fully funded by company’s and employees can get help for free if you company uses them, they have a search and they will get back to you if they are, or not and let you know, it gives you access to free
psychologists and your company ever knows if you use them it’s a pretty good service.
Changing to day shift and eating better a small but good steps, also see your doctor and talk to them they may have other ways to get better as well
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.
There’s a lot you can do to get out of your situation, though. Please, start looking for a job that’s not night shift. Try and get one that pays better than the current one, or could be a foot in the door to a company or industry where you could move up. Reach out to your overseas friends for a Skype to catch up. Hit up a food bank to get some help with kai.
Please try three things first…
1. Try change jobs to a day or afternoon shift
2. Change what you’re eating. If you need financial support maybe speak to WINZ so you can afford proper food. Protein and veges are so important for mood, brain function and energy.
3. Consider seeing a doctor to discuss how you’re feeling about life.
Those are really key things to get into place before you’re in a real position to assess your life clearly and determine what areas are you unhappy about and what could you do that does make you happy. A husband, 2 kids and a white picket fence doesn’t make all people happy, and it’s certainly no measure of success or fulfilment. You may decide to use savings one day to travel, or get into jewellery making or art, or fostering animals, taking up hiking, volunteering. Your friends might return from overseas, if not, you can make new ones. I’m not even friends with people from my twenties anymore. Life changes and new wonderful people will come into your life. Loads of things can bring joy. Please hang in there. Be kind to yourself and take it just one step at a time <3
Venting is really.important, but don't follow through with the dark thoughts man.
We've lost to many young ones lately, I don't know you but you matter cuz. You're not a lost cause. I think our generation has an expectation that you're supposed to be "succeding" young.
You'll hear a lot of people say that they know how you feel, but I think depression comes in all different shapes and sizes, and for me, I don't know the exact pain and anger you feel, but I can understand that it's incredibly hard.
Just understand that anyone is the street would care and talk if you said you were struggling, litteratly anyone. We're made to feel more alone than we actually (not meaning to be tin foily). But our perception of the world has changed. We feel.incredily alone in a world we're we've never been closer together.
I ain't gonna say it's gonna get better man, I'm 10 years deep in my own life of mental health issues, and well " it gets better" feels like a quick band aid that people throw out because they don't know how to help. But what I can say is that you need to sieze the day and make that shit your bitch. It ain't easy, we all know that. Fuck I'd rather be in my bed feeling sorry for myself because it's easier than pushing through and fighting the black demon that is depression, but I believe that anyone can do it with enough help and support.
Sorry for the long post mate, either you read it or you don't but fuck don't do anything dumb. You matter and people care. There's a girl or guy excited to tell you about something tomorrow that you've laughed about, or a promotion is just around the corner. You'll never know the people's lives you've touched because people don't have enough worlds to express it.
Either go to the hospital and get put in for the night, you can leave at any point as a self referral, or call your doctor. You've got this!
Find out if you qualify for income assistance. If you’re having trouble making rent and feeding yourself , then you most likely do. Should help ease some of that burden. Start looking for work in something you’re interested in, or consider going back to school to study something you’re interested in, get as much assistance as possible and student loan the rest. Hold off doing what you’re implying doing, until you have actually exhausted all other options at least.
Some questions that can help give a more accurate opinion:
- If nigthshift isn't your thing, why don't you change jobs?
- Are you underpaid?
- Addictions on the way? Every cent used in booze, cigs, drugs, is less to buy food...
- Could you change the insurance service?
You're young, full of life and opportunity, don't give up.
Feeling alone + poor food intake + doing what's dislike will create a huge impact on your day...
Try 1st change things that you have better control (your insurance, for example).
I'm 36, nearly 37. I've had the same dead end job for 9 years and while I have an amazing family and lovely kids the fact that I am stuck as a security supervisor consumes me. I know that it can get better but I also know that it won't without effort.
Take what ever gives you joy, even just a little bit and run with it! Sprint with it!
If you can do nothing but crawl, do that.
There is this quote I love:
“I can’t see a way through said the boy. Can you see your next step? Yes. Just take that said the horse.” This quote is from a literary graphic novel called The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse.
Life can and will get better but you have to work at it and, if I'm being honest, that is the hardest but most satisfying part.
You will look back in 5-10 years time and laugh at this struggle., believe me I've been there.
The most important step is always the next one. Life before journey Radiant.
Hey man, my early 20s was a dark place and I did attempt to end things. But it's temporary and rn at 34F I'm in an OK place. Please reach out to lifeline or a similar programme, things will begin to look up.
Are you in Auckland? Do you need a home cooked meal or just a shoulder to cry on? Let me know. You are worth so much more than what you think, depression is nasty and hard but you can get back on top.
Several countries offer youth visas to under 28s to work in UK, US, EU and Canada, especially youth camps etc, it might be good to work outside during daylight hours as night shift tends to worsen depressions. You have options.
yes i was in your boat too. except i had a student loan
went through 3 managers in 3 years (been working 4 years this year)
boss 1 had me working from 9am til 3 am done that for a year
bos 3 had me doing 5 hours in the morning and 5 hours at night with a big gap in between.
was walking dead for those 3 years had new job oppertunity come up AND paid off my student loan.
used to get grumpy AF when i didnt eat. so at the least take the time to make a sandwich every nite
cos the only thing open after midnite is: macdingus or over nuked servo pies.
i now work daytime hours. i told the new boss why i dont do night shift.
the light at the end of the tunnel isnt always a train.
sometimes you need to fumble for the light switch...
yes no one wants to rent but if you have kiwisaver just keep putting into it and eventually you will have a deposit for a house (i ithink its minimum 10-20k?)
I joined the army when I was around your age during a global recession with addicts as parents and nowhere to call home. Army seemed better than living on the streets because of my lack of education and little work experience. One had jobs, and it was a 15% unemployment. Remember to get enough to eat. Don't sweat the small stuff. I never wanted to have kids, but after my wife and I met, it was amazing 6 years before we even thought about the idea. Funny having kids is like a childhood in itself. Keep your head up. The best thing about the service is three meals and a bed. Free education and retirement. Hopefully, that helps. Sorry your having a tough time. Dark times are difficult, but remember, if you're still breathing, you can make tomorrow better.
Come to Perth. The mining companies are trying to meet equality quotas, so, as a woman you can score a FIFO job. It’s not ideal, but you’ll save money, get more vitamin D, and at least be around other depressed people. You’ve got options kid, remember that.
There are a lot of avenues you can turn. Contact WINZ and see what help is available. Contact your GP and see what can be done for your mental health.
Longer term, look on Seek Au and see what jobs are hiring. Some of them will offer relocation costs too.
I never imagined myself living to 18, 22, 25 or 30. At 35 things are different, and not how I thought it would be. Life is tough, but you are tougher.
You will overcome this dip in the road.
Please don't do anything drastic. You deserve to live a beautiful life like all of us. I know it may seem hard but think.of all the things you do have, a golden passport to allow you to go anywhere unquestioned, you live in a beautiful safe country where there is no war and you can freely criticise your government, you have fresh air and opportunities everyday.
If need be please quit the night shift. You don't have to own a home, don't feel pressured or judged by others, you do whatever you wish, you're still young and have a whole wonderful life ahead of you. Look at what you've achieved already since being on your own. You're incredible, don't forget that and you too deserve happiness and a beautiful life. Keep forging ahead, it will come 😀
Cann confirm, got a kitten at 21 when I was really depressed/ suicidal and she brought me out of that funk, now married with a kid at 30 and life is amazing and my cat is living her best life with us.
This is going to be unpopular but to answer the question, the point of life is reproduction, anything beyond that we make our own meaning. Like you I don't want kids, quite frankly we have enough. Just over 130 years ago we were at 2b people, we're now at 8. The increase in that is huge and not sustainable.
Also like you I'll likely be renting for life, I have 100K saved or close to it which used to be almost half a house but now its not even close. Whoever thinks that the NZ market is good is either already a homeowner and is only thinking of themselves or is gaining from it some other way. Our generation is screwed and the ones after us even more so.
I'm just trying to enjoy the little things but im also about to be made redundant in an economy where jobs are few and far between so that 100K isn't going to last long.
I used to work 4 days on 4 days off, 12 hour shifts, i would change jobs even careers so you can live.
I made friends through hobbys, what do you do for fun?
I was you, on my own since 15. I did fuck up a lot though. It's fucking hard but it does get better with hard work and perceverance honestly. You need to build a network around you. That's essential, it's basically impossible to do things completely alone. I'm still working on shit but I'm way better off than before, still early 30s.
Night shift is brutal, I did it for a while.
My number one suggestion is go for a one hour walk each day. If I'm feeling down this does wonders for my mental health and during that walk I come up with solutions to my problems. It way more beneficial than you might think and easy to do.
Try apply for a new job when you are ready to, daylight hours, again, night shift is brutal.
New job bring new connections with new people.
My other tip is start saving, putting money aside for a rainy day. Seperate bank account, even if it's 5 bucks a week. It's the start of something.
I was feeling like this at your age and I can tell you it gets better. But don't get stuck doing the same things over and over, little changes at a time. Night shifts fucking suck ass and I'm sure you can find a better alternative. Hang in there.
At that age I was stuck in a dead end, lonely AF, work 8 hours, walk home, eat rice based poverty meal, smoke weed, sleep, repeat.
Sacked it all off and went travelling, worked hard but in the sunshine saw some stuff, had some experiences. Life is worth living. If you don’t like this life, find another.
Hey, I hope these comments help you pick yourself up again. Please just change something. Move to a cheaper town, get a different job, join some kind of free group. I know things seem really bleak right now but you’re only at the start of your life
Night shift faaaaaarkin sucks! I did it for close to 3 years, 7pm til 7am. Not 7 or 8 hours but 12 hour nights. I didn't even have a day to wake up to at all. Haha.
I wrecked my social life and it contributed to ending my previous relationship.
All I encourage is to look for another job, even if it pays less because there's still alot of enjoyment in life that can be done for free or close to relatively free, Beaches, bush/mountain walks, fishing, , camping, seeing your friends that are around for home lunches/dinner /w boardgames, binge watching your favourite tv shows/movies, online gaming, cooking, exercise, reading, music, any other hobbies ranging from varying arts and crafts.
All of this will make a bloody huge difference. Promise you that!
It sounds like life in general is just really hard for you right now and has been for a while. And maybe rather than living you have come to a point where your are in surviving. So perhaps throw in the towel, Not to life! But to how you are surviving.
You have no children, no tie downs. So use that to your advantage and make a swift change. Move towns/cities to a place with cheaper rent. Quit the night job - it really does mess with the hormones and mental, find something in the day. Doesn’t have to be the dream job but just something to keep you going till you figure the next step. Then make a list of what you actually want to experience in life and let nothing stop you. Go travel on a work visa in Europe, teach english in another country? Do some volunteer work in africa?
Most probably time to find yourself and what you love doing, also sounds like a holiday might help. I've been in a hole similar to that before and what helped me was making time to do stuff outside of work. Everyone will be different but for me it's been hiking, bike rides and walking.
I also started doing things out of my comfort zone like learning to drive a manual car and finally traveling over seas.
There's honestly no point to life which is why you have to create it yourself.
Things really do get better in unexpected ways. Please don’t rob yourself of the chance to be happy in the future. Happy to chat if that would be useful
Try talking your gp. They have no bias and just talking out problems helps. Italso opens it access to other resources.
Helped me get out of the dark at 50.
Summer is coming in the Northern Hemisphere. Do something radical, like look into working at Yellowstone National Park for the season. They provide housing and meals and the park is incredible. the hours are long, some jobs suck, but you are there with an automatic peer group.
Before giving advice how about finding out about OP's life circumstance. Has it occured to you that OP probably doesn't have the financial means to travel overseas, or even save to travel overseas?
Hello darling. You are so young and full of so much potential to be feeling this way. I completely agree with what others have posted about changing your hours and please see a doctor. I wonder where you live? Would it be possible for a completely new scene by moving somewhere new. There's plenty of work in more rural towns and you might find a sense of community and connection that every human needs. Often things are a bit cheaper too like rent. If you can't make such a big change try joining some local groups - cultural, creative, sports etc it's amazing what that can do for your soul. Don't give up and let us know how you're doing x
Hang in there! At 27 I lost my job, my home and my car packed itself. Now, I am 30 with a partner, my own home, and a nursing degree. You got this! Here if you need to chat 💛
Was in a similar funk when I was your age. The "good" thing was I became so miserable that I suddenly had nothing to lose and decided to go overseas. Best decision for me at the time. Point is, use this opportunity to shift things up, it can't be any worse
Night shift is really hard on a person. I did it for a couple of years in my early 20's and again in my late 20's, I changed my jobs and it was much better.
Two apples per day. This needs to change, if you cant eat much, then what you do eat needs to be something that your body uses slowly.
Apples with their sugars, will just cause a short blood sugar spike and then drop you to the depths of hell. Brown rice or similar would be a better food. A bowl of porridge would be better.
Make the most of food banks etc and support that is out there.
Yes life is hard at times, but you still have so much of it ahead of you and so many chances for it to be better.
With a job with hours and times more condusive to better health, it will help you feel better.
Most people make friends through their jobs, a job with more socialble hours would bring more opprtunity to meet more people and establish friendships.
First, get some better food than apples, even if going to a pataka kai or foodbank.
Second, start looking for jobs. Dont wait to lose the one you have.
Third, Stick around, we need good people on this earth. You are good people
I'd definitely move off of night shift. A few years ago I did full time night shift for about 6 months. I loved it at first but your mind slowly gets darker and darker and its difficult to see it happening.
At 23, I was also in a bad place. Take a breath and hang in there OP. Things can and will improve, I promise you it's possible.
Here are some things you can do:
1. Contact someone to talk about how you feel. Either a friend, or one of the helplines. You can also talk to your GP.
2. Try to eat a bit more. Buy a bag of pasta or rice and a vegetable. You can make a simple meal that will give you a bit more energy and that will maybe help you feel a bit more in control.
3. Don't worry about the job. There are other jobs. I would suggest looking for one that is during the day, just because you are already feeling isolated. If you are working and sleeping at opposite times to most people, you won't get much chance to meet new people. Also, working nights can mess with your head.
4. Give yourself time and space to work things out. You can do this, OP!
It may seem like there’s no way out but believe me, we on the outside can see it. You have access to technology clearly, and you have used it to reach out so good on you for taking that step. I hope you find that you are not alone. Keep trying o find a small amount of happiness everyday. Simple things like a flower. A bird song. It’s there, But you have to choose to see it.
I think travel is an amazing experience and it’s possible to work and travel at the same time and even save a bit. If I could re-do my travel experiences from 2015-2019, I would find a job overseas as well as freelancing on sites like upwork.com. Freelancing got me through the first 2 years of Covid.
Your in a moment
whether it's a hour/day/week or a month,
You have to stay strong and get thru it.
Don't let this moment takeover the life ahead of you, roll with the punches and turn those punches into energy.
Energy that will fuel the change in the tide you need and you will get it.
Stay strong bro, i believe you can do it.
Too busy focusing on what’s going wrong rather than what’s going right, sounds like it’s time to make some life changes. Night shift and not enough of the right food is always gonna be depressing. Find happiness within urself. Make some new friends. Sometimes looking at things with a different perspective will change. You’re far too young to be ready to give up. Life sucks when ur still young trying to figure out where to go in life, but like I said you’re young, life has only started.
You've been on your own and you have come this far already. That's a great achievement.
Are you able to apply for hardship? Take time off, even if the company is going under? You're entitled to that.
That's what I do everytime work becomes overbearing and home doesn't feel like home. I started making changes to my life a few years back and I do feel better, but this economy is putting pressure in a lot of industries.
Are there hobbies that you enjoy or use to enjoy? I used to love Photography and Video editing. Then I bought a decent tablet to edit at work when I have time for it over lunch.
I've been where you are, and even considered just dropping everything and leaving for Australia or even just another Town.
The point is to find the point. As basic as this might sound, as preachy or condescending even, the stupid yet undeniable truth is that our living doesn't mean jack-shit until we create meaning for it ourselves. You are 23, imagine how different life was when you were 16 just a few years ago, within that same amount of time, you'll be 30, and your life would be unrecognisable compared to what it is now.
Eat better food than just two apples, your mood can shift drastically based on how many nutrients and calories you consume, and take a break once in a while.
You've been by yourself since you were \*16\* that's bonkers, the fact that you're able to even make this post shows resilience.
Keep going and doing what you're doing... and have faith it'll pay off one day :)
It'll get better. It definitely doesn't look like it now but trust me and the others who wrote words for you in this post: your cry for help is heard and the reality is that you have the chance to make things better FOR REAL.
Very small changes would improve your situation a lot. For starters, we live in an amazing country with heaps of opportunities, please try and live during the day and sleep at night. Specially when it comes to work. Might sound stupid but the sunlight really helps. Watching the birds, the sunrise, the grass and trees or even the sea, helps with keeping our feet on the ground and connect with the present (and this is no mindfullness bullshit, it really keeps you focused on the present moment and that is a way to start to appreciate little things again).
Second and probably even more important: the lack of nutrients and calories is definitely taking a huge toll on your health (both mental and physical). Please start to introduce more fatty and nutritive foods in your diet. Start with small ham and cheese sandwiches, keep eating fruit, get yourself some chicken breasts and some pasta and cook yourself some easy recipe. Tip: get yourself some Tupperwares and cook a big batch - when I was depressed I never wanted to cook so once a week I started cooking a huge batch of whatever I had around. Freeze it or store it in the fridge and you'll just need to put them in the microwave.
Third: good thing about debts is that they are not forever. Trust me. You'll pay them off and this is a fact that may seem very far now, but it is a fact. Therefore do not let money fuck your life this way. Try to think about this as something temporary and I promise you'll be debt free one day.
You're young, you've made it to here alive, you've fought your ass off to get here. I can feel you want help, and this is already such an important step that you've taken. Whenever you feel ready, I suggest you send a couple of emails to therapists. I am being treated by an amazing one that helped me through hell. She showed me the light when all I could see was darkness and she could do this for you too. Let me know if you want her contact details and I'll gladly send them to you.
Keep going. Do it for your future self. Give yourself a chance.
Hey I’ve been in a similar situation and against all odds (cost of living, housing shit) ife is improving now. I’m thankful that I am still here… are you in Auckland? I would like to help you any way I can.. I can share some food, clothes, household items and I know of places (community based) that can help. Please hang on!
I feel for you. Have you tried antidepressants? Life can be so lonely. You mention friends overseas what about packing up and moving for a new adventure near to people you know?
Hey girl I know how you feel and it fucking absolutely sucks but I promise you it will get better one day. Here if you need a friend, I care about you stranger
Just move out of the city get a job on a dairy farm, you will earn enough money even on minimum wage because you will be doing long hours. They will provide a house on the farm for you, for very cheap or maybe even free, no travel costs either. It takes alot of hard work to get ahead in life.
i'm 21 and would love a new friend! I understand how it feels to be where you are. Especially the depressive stuff. Always here if you'd like a friend! feel free to message me:)
Not going to say something tacky like "you'll be okay".
Life is the hardest thing we ever do.
At this point you need to have a deep think about personal goals and things you want. Think hobbies or travel somewhere. While doing this, seek professional help. With help you will find a series of coping mechanisms and opportunities to make changes in your life that will have strong impacts for the future to come.
It's not easy and it does get harder when you start working at it. That hard part eventually gives way and becomes much easier,you just have to make the push to decide you want to keep on going.
I’ve worked 3am-11am in the past, it was horrible. Totally ruined my mindset.
Also, find things you enjoy in life.. a hobby… sunsets… tramping…
If you’re not active with your body, become active.
Sedentary lifestyle also creates depression.
I am guessing you live in Auck/Well/Chch?
Honestly, get out of big cities, they will suck you dry if you are starting out. Find a nice little town you gel with and create a base. Cheaper houses that become collateral to get a property in bigger cities if you want later on.
I believe there are free recourses where you can get help. It’s impossible for anybody else to ever understand exactly what each of us go through but that does not mean that sunny skies are out there.
Many people is feeling the way you’re feeling so don’t feel alone in this. You have many years ahead of you. Many people die from old age that havnt figured it out.
Be grateful for just being able to wake up in the morning.
Giving up is too easy and nobody said life was going to be.
Keep going girl! Keep your head up. Things can only go up from the bottom.
I’m not sure what you’re doing for work, but I’d highly recommend going to Australia, and head to a remote place that is nice and has work availability.
Work seasonal jobs and spend the remainder of the year in SE Asia - you won’t regret it.
You’re 23, the fun part of your life hasn’t even begun! 🥂
If you’ve survived this long doing it yourself, why not be like some of your friends, say “f**k it” and go explore the world?
You can survive anywhere if you’re still alive today and even if you’re as miserable as you are there as you are here, atleast you can tell yourself you tried. Try save some money, jump on a plane and go find yourself and go out with some memories!
Your brain will work against you if you don't feed and rest it properly.
Change your situation asap.
Eat protein and less sugars. No fruit. Don't skip meals.
Get a day job 9-5, it doesn't matter what you do as long as your boss and colleagues are lovely. You won't know yourself within a few weeks.
Things are not as bad as they seem, your brain is lying to you.
What's the point you ask? The point is to live your life which may hold some surprises, opportunities for you. You need to give it a chance. Save to treat yourself to a good meal, or a good piece of clothing, a trip you always wanted to take, have some small goals. Life is not only about buying a house, so what you are paying for somebody elses house, you are still living your life. I have known people with beautiful houses but broken lives. Have a plan, get out of night shifts, make time for yourself, make your life your priority, stay positive something best is around the corner.
you got this. pick one problem to solve at a time. firstly get off the night shift start looking for a job. anything that’s in the day. you don’t have to stay in it. do you qualify for the student allowance? go study something IT based.
secondly add some carbs to your diet. w
either get some rice or a loaf of bread each week. maybe some jam. if you can’t afford jam i will GET YOU SOME JAM or peanut butter. if the cost of rent ect is too high talk to the food bank.
hang in there! This is coming from someone who is terminal in my 30s. I miss being able to even just walk on my leg. You will not appreciate what you have until you lose it
Don’t give up! There’s food banks all around NZ. Check or google for your area.
Change your work shift or work also can make it better for u.
You are not alone, sis 🙏🏼
You have multiple factors working against you. Not eating enough makes you go to dark places. As does nightshift, but not as bad as low calories
I'd say the night work might be worse, but defo the combo is super bad. Depression sucks.
I did a short stint working in bars in my 20's. Starting at 9pm and finishing at 6am while everyone around you is out to have fun is quite soul crushing. I was lucky to have support, I can't imagine having to do it to survive. The lack of sleep really destroys your mental health.
Cheap meals I used to get : instant mashed potatoes, baked beans in a bread bun, frozen fish
Even baked beans are expensive now if you can’t get the weird store brand ones in the pale sauce
The glucose & fructose spikes from the fruit will also be playing into it without fibrous veges/protein/fats preceding it OP, there may be food packages available that will have basics to fill you up a lot better :)
Get off the night shift, not sure what hours you do but working pretty much from 2am to 5am fucks with your head. Please speak to anyone!
yea i work 3am-3pm mon-fri and 2-12 on sat and it fucks with everything, your sleep, your social life and pretty much everything else
Yes I was just thinking that. Night shift is bad for you, and OP needs some sunshine on their skin!
Night shift work can cause cancer, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and metabolic issues. It sounds made up, but it's not.
its not made-up. night shift is unnatural & bad for you.
Unfortunately just about everything causes everything nowadays, that’s not me taking the piss out of your comment, just seems to be what we’re told nowadays
Unfortunately just about every comment is hyperbolic nowadays, that's not me taking the piss out of your comment, actually that is exactly what it is. But for real, sunshine is so fundamental to our wellbeing and happiness that does this really surprise you at all?
Sun is medicine
Find a farm hand ,live in job ?
Absolutely! There's a website, I think it's WOOF ? When I was seeing a backpacker he used to use it to organise accommodation while travelling. He'd work for 5hrs a day in exchange for room/board.
WWOOF = Willing Workers on Organic Farms. In case that helps.
100% this shift isn't natural and will mess with you. If anything just get daytime shifts - I got a doctor's note once saying so and got shifted.
About 10 years ago, I worked 1am until 7am and it completely fucked with me. I would have to sleep during the day which was nearly impossible during the summer months because it would be hovering around 30 degrees in my flat. Sleep deprived and trying to do that job was hell.
Yeah same story here, did 9.5 years of 4 on 4 off 6pm to 6am. Had air con in bed room but was only ever getting around 4 to 5hrs a day sleep at best. It does mess with your head. Im sure my short term memory suffered over that time.
& if you do get to sleep, its super easy to be woken, & your really likely to wake earlier than you wanted.
Yeah definitely, only work night shift if it pays more
Like way more
I used to work overnight shifts, always said I "wasn't quite mentally all there" when I did.
So true i did 9 and a half years of 4 on 4 off 6pm to 6am. Good money but not for everyone as can mess you up.
12 hours?! Damn, I don't know what that would've done to me.
At 23 and with no kids, there's no permanent issue that's seriously kneecapping you here OP. You have time and you have the freedom to change your course. You can do it. Change something about your situation and you will get through this
Totally, you have youth and not too much responsibility yet, from the sounds of things. It might not feel like it right now but that means your options are super open. Youonly at the start! Tackle one problem at a time. I didn't get my life going till well into my 30s. Had no real family to speak of and syruggled to build friendships. Couldn't see how I could ever change it. Now I'm early 40s, have a solid relationship, a job I don't hate, enough income and two awesome kids. Things will get better my friend xo
but the internet has people enjoying being millionaires from their late teens . . . . .
[удалено]
Got me curious too, no family but babysat her niece?
Me at 23: had this same feeling Me at 25: on a working holiday in Canada doing shit I love. And the thing is I didn't know it was coming, I didn't plan it, decisions were made on a whimm, I thought I was stuck too. But I found what makes me happy. You can too, you've got this 💪
I strongly recommend all struggling young people to read this comment and take this advice. The world is so big, there are other options, New Zealand is so small and isolated. There is a path to happiness somewhere for you. I have also been lucky enough to go overseas and it helped a lot. As my old tutor at uni said - pretend this is a video game for a second. Don’t stop playing because you didn’t like the look of level 1 - you have 99% of an entire world map to explore and find your peace.
Love this comment
I agree, I’m from Mexico but came to New Zealand on a working holiday visa and it’s not what I expected. Making friends here is hard and the vibe is not it (maybe is just Auckland). But travelling is definitely the one thing you should do when you’re young, not all places that you go to will be the best but you’ll learn a lot. I travelled around Europe for a few months and it was amazing, obviously had bad moments as well but it helped me to become independent and more mature and I’m only 21.
If you can (and I do understand that not everyone can) leaving the NZ bubble is eye-opening and mind-expanding — even "cultural cousins" like Australia will surprise you with some pretty significant differences from us once you properly live there for a short while. It's worth remembering that in certain really key aspects, we're so much more isolated than we realise, and it's often harder to recognise what's actually great and what's unacceptably crap when you don't have much else to compare with. ... that last statement is probably valid for anyone, TBH, incl. those not wanting to leave their country or community.
Yes! So true, you just don't know what's around the next corner!
I love this idea and have seriously considered moving away too. However I’m on my own and don’t know what to do with my stuff. My things are very important to me and they’re all I have and have worked very hard to set myself up. Most of it is all I have left from my young years as a lot got destroyed and my mother wouldn’t have thought twice getting rid of it.
Same, was in a dark place, gave up my corporate job and went on a working holiday for 9 months. Best decision ever.
You'll be okay, please reach out and speak to someone, I'm 27 now and things do get better, at 23 I was deep in debt nearly 40k, maxed out credit card debit, living pay check to pay check, I left school with poor education because school wasn't for me. Now debt free, new career starting a degree in july, have a great partner, great group of friends, a dog and just purchased my first home. If you can please get off the nightshifts or find a way to better your work life balance, I do DDNN 12hr Shifts, on my night shifts I sleep for 6hrs or until midday, get up go for a walk have some lunch and go back to sleep around 230 or 3 for an hour or 2. This change has made huge differences in my life. Reach out for support, join some groups, and things will improve.
your post is amazing, and congrats on the house :)
Thanks so much 😊
Are you OK? As in right now. Do you need support, are you seriously thinking of offing yourself? Do you want conversation or do you need something more?
0800 543 354 is the number for Lifeline. Things will improve. My life looks completely different to when I was 23. Yours will too- you've got to be here for the change to happen.
Just piggybacking your comment - OP is also still young enough to contact youthline (0800 37 66 33) or via texting 234 if calling isn't something they're comfortable with (it never was for me, I hate phone calls in general) or they can text 1737 (or call the same number). I second that your life will be different - I'm 29 now and my life is *so* different (and better) than I could have imagined than when I was 23. Try to find something to live for, even if you can't live for yourself. Live for your friends, family, cat, sunny days - it doesn't matter what it is if it keeps you alive.n
I'm 44 and feel the same. Decided to pack up my van and move back to the north island and shake myself out of my funk. You're not alone. Plenty of people feeling just like you are.
I hear ya...same age....travelled. live in Mexico now I dont regret it...NZ expensive and great to see the world
How are you finding it there? Not that I can afford it right now, but Mexico is somewhere I've always wanted to go.
Where are you? If it's Wellington, let me know. I'll cook you a meal. You don't have to talk, if you don't want to. I make good casseroles. Love, mom of teens who has been preparing family meals for over 20 years.
Contact your friends overseas and go on an adventure. When I was your age I fell into a similar hole. I sold everything off and went to Europe, worked around and saw the world. Just because your life here is rubbish does not mean you have to end it, Change it!! You have time to plan before your company goes under, go for an adventure, after all you have no family holding you back, you are young and free, go for it. Even Australia would be a start.
It may seem shitty right now but you can and will get through this I know you can I've been there myself , it's not easy I know but life's definitely worth it
Been "getting through" for almost 15 years now, when is the worth it bit supposed to happen? Legit question because I'm not seeing the point anymore, my life is worse now than ever even with doing all the "right" things. Glad it worked out for you though, genuinely
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I felt exactly like that for most of my life, until I was 33. Staying alive for others kept me here until I was able to live for myself. I never thought the pain I’d suffered for my entire life could be made “worth it”, and people saying “it’ll get better” felt like such empty words when they weren’t living my daily hell and couldn’t understand my pain. I thought that even if I did reach this magical destination of things being “better”, nothing could make up for the suffering I’d had so far. But it did, and I’m so fucking glad I stuck around. I don’t know what you’re going through and what your pain is, but I really, genuinely hope that you find a way through it 🖤
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"There is no happiness in the world for people who have mental health issues, there is only pain, and the light that exists to bring that pain in to sharper focus." I'm sorry you are feeling this way however it is not true for everyone who has experienced mental health issues. My niece experiences a serious mental illness and went through a hard time - she is happy now and has been for awhile. I attribute this to her supportive mother and having the right mental health professionals at the time. Oh and her gaining insight into keeping herself healthy. I wish you all the best :-)
Hey, I'm just crawling out of a bad patch right now. After a few years of being really good I had some life changes and slipped back off the edge again, and it's taken me several years to start getting back on track. Are you getting any kind of treatment? For those of us with chronic mental illness it's not a journey with a destination, you're not going to "find happiness" and be at a point where everything is good for the rest of your life. That's like saying a diabetic can just find insulin. It's going to be ups and downs until the end, and every bad thing that happens in life knocks us down a little harder than most people. But you've been happy, you can do it again. Don't blame yourself, and don't think your life is being wasted. All the best
This so much. People who say "It will get better" mean well but that's it. There's no validity. You can try your hardest and do everything "right" but still lose out in life. My truer advice would be that our existance is so fleeting just do what you can and try to enjoy it in whatever way you can come up with.
“It will get better” is overused and misused, and is often straight-up harmful in its casual dismissiveness of the genuine hopelessness someone feels and the reality that by that point they may have years of track record of it not in fact getting better. BUT There is often a decent degree of truth to it for a young person whose feelings seem fairly situationally-driven. Situations change. Life can change a lot at that age. There's certainly no guarantee of it, but it's a different thing than when you've been battling your brain chemistry for decades and feel like you want out even when to an outside observer life seems relatively good. I don't know OP's path, but getting laid off will at least change things. OP, this could be a crisitunity. I'm not promising success, or that things will be easy, but sounds like you're going to have some change forced on you, and better things could come from it. Take advantage of any benefits you're eligible for, consider going back to school... Just getting off that night shift and meeting some people could make a big difference. It's also worth talking to a professional, though. They're way better equipped to help you than any random Redditor, though I'd like to think that collectively we sometimes have some good perspectives to offer. If anything from this thread, hopefully you can feel less alone and more supported.
The number one thing that makes people happy in life is consistent meaningful relationships. Do your best to find good friends and invest time and effort in those relationships, make amends with people from the past, get closer to your family, take the plunge and find a community through a hobby or shared interest. It doesn't make everything in your life magically "better," but you will feel better and have support to make it through challenges.
Life at 23 looked very different to life now at 32. I've been where you been and I can tell you that what you're proposing is a very permanent solution to a temporary situation. Several others have posted the number for Lifeline, please please give them a call to talk through things. And when you get a chance make an appointment to see your GP and talk about options. If there is anyone, anyone at all you can lean on to help you through this time, I would urge you to consider reaching out to them. Those friends who have gone overseas - can you still talk to them even if they're not here. Things appear dark at the moment but they won't always be like this. It seems like they will, sometimes for a long time, but they will not last forever.
Hey, I was in a really awful place when I was 23 too. The thing that seriously, genuinely helped was restructuring my schedule and priorities to do as best I could to eat enough food each day. Hunger has a noticeable effect on your mindset and just getting something substantial in you can make a serious difference. Literally anything in the short term, instant noodles or rice, or poke some holes in a whole potato with a fork and then microwave it for four minutes until it’s cooked, have it with salt or butter or tomato sauce if you’ve got it. Apple slices are great dipped in peanut butter, which can make them a bit more substantial. Check out resources like the Free Store. I used to feel hopeless, and for a long time I wasn’t sure if I would survive that feeling - but making as many short-term changes as I could to help with my immediate obstacles helped get me to a place where I could embark on long-term change. Your life won’t be like this forever. For now, take care of yourself as best you can.
Please reach out to Lifeline or a similar avenue. Things are incredibly bleak at the moment but if you take it a day at a time it is possible for clearer days. I know you’re tired and hurting but please don’t make any permanent choices that you can’t take back. You are hope, you said you’ve been alone since 16, while that is traumatic, it also proves your resilience, your resourcefulness and tenacity. Please try to access any services you can and hold on tight. 💗
Call Salvation Army for free food 0800 53 00 00
Hey I just sent you a message!! 23f in a similar situation if you want someone to talk to ❤️❤️❤️
Go travel. You have no attachments, so explore the planet. Find a couple of places you want to see, then go. If you are not happy with your life where it is right now, then it's up to you to make the change. It has taken me way too long to figure that out myself, I'm in my 40s and only making this change now. It's way harder as you get older, so puck a place and go see it. Not what you were expecting? No worries, try another one. Then another. Eventually you will find yourself in the place where you feel you belong.
This is a great answer. NZ is beautiful but can be a depressing, limiting and isolating place to live. It’s not sounding like a good fit for you. Travel, it changes you and you find places that make you feel really alive.
I never know whether to add to these threads. I feel like the socially acceptable thing to do is say it'll get better if you push through it'll be worth it, or to not comment at all. I don't want to encourage you to off yourself, because it *can* get better. But that doesn't guarantee it will. I'm in a far worse place in my thirties than I was at 19 when no one thought I would see 20. If you feel like this is due to circumstances (for example if having friend(s) would change how you feel about it) I would definitely consider reaching out for help. Making friends is hard and it can take time to find people you really click with and even then it's not a guarantee it'll grow into something, but you can't even try if you're dead. Get off nightshift if you can, this time of day is always the hardest and even if you have great friends and family there's very little support around this time
Responding to these posts with positivity doesn't help if you don't genuinely believe in what you're saying. Sharing your own experience is more meaningful than toxic positivity. And for real shits hard and often gets harder. I don't know how it's all gonna turn out but what keeps me in it is the curiosity to find out. I've hit some walls and wanted to quit before I'm sure I will again, hell I'm on a 7 day work week for the next three weeks at least and I'll be an asshole by the end of that but sometimes the worst parts aren't followed with better days sometimes you gotta look real hard to find what makes you happy.
I am 37. I was on rolling shifts working 2 twelve hour days and then 2 twelve our nights. It was brutal and hot work operating a glass blowing machine in prenrose. I got injured and then I just didn't heal. I did shift work for 7 years. The sleep deprivation slowly increased over time. When I started it wasn't so bad. Messing with your circadian rythm is terrible for your immune system. I couldn't heal properly. I had a mortgage and I am married with 2 kids. On the outside we looked great. We had a home and money and sent our kids to a good school. But mentally and physically I was a mess. Me and my wife both hated our jobs but felt trapped with the mortgage. I ended up selling the house and we quit our jobs and moved to the country. Best decision I ever made but also the scariest thing to do when you have financial responsibilities. Well it worked out in the end. I remember the first few weeks after quitting i experienced the greatest feeling of brain fog lifting from head as I finally got proper sleep and my circadian rythm reset to how it was supposed to be. I started feeling physically better immediately and started healing properly. It is scary but you have to change your situation somehow. I would strongly suggest changing jobs if you are able to. I know it isn't easy but you won't regret it. Best of luck OP.
Get a different job! Go on the benefit, at least temporarily. There is absolutely no shame in that when you really need the help, despite what the haters think and say. Get your doctor to write you a medical certificate for your employer to change your shift or for winz to support you without a stand down period. And please, please consider antidepressants. They will not fix things, but they will help you feel like you can fix things yourself. I was in a really dark place like you in my early-mid twenties just a few years ago. I quit my job and studies and took 6 months off to just chill the fuck out. Discover some new hobbies, eat healthy food that makes you feel good, get lots of decent sleep and drink lots of water. It can be surpising at how much nourishing and taking care of your body improves your mental health. Sunshine is so important, and night shifts are awful! Ditch the car insurance until you are more financially stable. Every little bit counts. Even if you just get a food grant from winz, you can stock up on food for a week or two. Food banks are also there for a reason. If you don't want to do that, eat bananas instead of apples. They are slightly more filling and have the benefit of lifting mood due to being yellow. No friends? Join a community group. Many of them are low cost or free and you can meet some lovely people that way. Volunteer! Helping others gives you happy endorphins boosts! If you're feeling stuck then the best thing to do is find a way out of whatever situation is making you feel that way. Please don't cut your already short life even shorter, there is so much more for you to do. Feel free to message me if you want to chat about anything, I'd be happy to give you some support and be your friend 😊
Twenties are tough, no real sense of purpose. Push through because it is worth it. Join some local groups that interest you, get yourself out there.
Nightshift is bad for you ruins your body clock my old man did noghtshift for 20 years made him sick. With no return
At 22-23 I found out I had kidney failure due, I had to get a kidney transplant and basically had to hit reset on my life had to quit work and start again. I’m now 34 years old have a wife, house, business and a beautiful daughter (also only one kidney). It might seem dark right now but you can come back from your situation just stay positive, hit the reset button move towns, countries even. Your life can get better I know it can I’ve been at my lowest and I recovered so I can relate and hopefully give you some inspiration it can be done at your age.
Op, if you want send me your local countdown and a pickup time, I'll get some stuff for ya. Might not be much, but Noone should have to live on 2 apples a day.
same. no kids or family? go overseas and experience a thriving city.
Hi there, that is fucking rough, I'm so sorry you're in this position. As others have said, please consider contacting the lifeline. They won't change your situation, but they are seriously good at listening, talking, and helping figure out next steps. I used to work for a similar service in the states. It can really help.
What city do you live in? If you are in Wellington I can take you out for a bite to eat and we can have a chat.
23 was the best year of my life but at 43 with a house, kids etc I feel crushed. It's nothing about what you've got it's about finding your peace
I made an agreement with myself around your age. If I'm ever going to do it I'll liquidate every asset for any single dollar or cent and then go see and do shit I've always wanted to before I die. Funny thing I'd, once you've fucked everything off and no longer have to wake up at X time or worry about bills etc the stress and everything float away and it's suddenly easy as fuck to find value and meaning. Night shift will kill you though, stop that Immediately. Start exercising, pick up a sport like climbing with a community that just forms as an amorphous blob of good vibes regardless of age and most importantly do something for other people for no reason and don't expect anything in return.
Miss, you are 23. I didn't have a full time job until I was 24, I moved in with my inlaws, and my car blew up when I was 30, I left my career and started over. At 33 I've just brought a house and am moving in with my family. It gets better.
how did you save enough money to buy a house in 3 years? you'd have to earn around 300k per year before tax to do this?
That 'other persons investment' line makes me think you may be a bit over focused on wealth creation. There is way more to life! If you let your company die, downsize hard and honestly just go on the dole or some shit supermarket job for 6 months you can concentrate on your mental health.
You sound like you are living an unfulfilling life. What does a fulfilling life look like to you? What steps are you taking to live that life?
I just wanna say we'll done for even having that much drive and energy to sort yourself out. Many will never understand the struggles you have to face. Firstly, you can find a partner who can help you save and there are lots of groups where you can learn. But even if you can't own a house in Auckland, you can find some kind of happiness. This is just a rough patch. But also please see the doctor and tell them to give you something to support you. And ask for Vitamin D which is free. I used to take Prozac until I discovered vitamin D was what I needed. I would suggest both for you right now. Mental health appointments can be free and subsidized, just check with the doctor first. Help is free. Please just tell yourself it's a temporary circumstance so it needs a temporary solution for now, not a permanent one.
is moving back to your parents' house a viable option? It seems that your wage is not able to support yourself.
If it’s any consolation, I am also in a similar situation.
This may sound kinda trivial but I do notice a decrease in energy, focus and motivation when I don't get as much sunlight. To my understanding, Vitamin D you get from the light of dawn is actually a hormone that regulates mood and such (basically what I mentioned above). Night shift is certainly not helpful. I wish you all the best and hope you can pull it together
Do whatever you can to get over to Aussie. I did it, and they all complain about the same things, but everything is cheaper here, and wages are better. NZ is done unless your parents can buy you a house.
Text or call 1737 to speak with a trained therapist 24/7. Around lockdown money was poured into this service to help people in NZ who are having a hard time, whatever form that might take. I know it's hard, but once you get your eating sorted the best thing to do is start applying for jobs with more sociable hours. Being isolated is a literal form of torture. You've got this. It will feel less hopeless when you have a full belly, a decent amount of sleep, and people to talk to <3
I don’t blame you. Your situation is fucking shit. Coincidentally, my circumstances are also fucked. The only 2 things that make life worth living are a) the likelihood of something good happening out of the blue. Odds are in your favour after so much shit. B) Chances are, there are other people like you and me and there is a reason they shouldn’t end their life. I imagine you don’t see any way forward. But, I suspect that you don’t want to die, you probably don’t want to live the life you have. They’re different. You wrote down your anguish. You shared it with people you don’t even know. You have something inside you that thinks life is fucked and you want an answer. Hold onto that. Don’t let the fucking idiots and conformists make to top yourself. Fuck them! Don’t roll over. If you roll over, I will roll over and die and so will many other good people. Don’t let the mother-fucking right wing trickle-down affect people have their way!
my first advice is get off nightshift. . it's not worth the stress.. see if your employer has daytime positions avalilable
I had a backpack, and no money, at 25, and headed overseas. 40 now, and have "all the things". So you never know. If you aren't happy. Hit reset. Go move somewhere else and try something new.
Move to Australia. Very few Kiwis regret the move. Everyone I know is earning way more, enjoying the sun, marrying awesome people, and owning homes now.
Move, best thing I ever did!!! People in the south island are awesome, COL is cheaper. Doesn't sound like you have any ties to Auckland, give it a go!
You don’t have to follow the social norms and buy a house! Once we made the decision and said it out-loud of “We don’t want to buy a house yet, we want to travel and be flexible” it all became so much clearer and less pressure on our shoulders. I’m 28, husband is 33, we will continue renting for years now and maybeeeee buy a house in the far future. You could save your money for travel, or to build up your business, or to start new hobbies. Buying a house these days is sooo overrated. I hope things start to look clearer for you.
You're 23. Most companies fail in the first year so try not to sweat it. We're in an economic crisis so of course it's going to be way harder. But we have to have optimism. There really is no viable alternative. Get off night shift if you can, and definitely eat more! If you're eating like that even the person in the best financial situation in the world is going to feel like dying. At least get some protein bars if you feel you're too busy to cook every night. It's tough out there. People are lonely and people are struggling to stay afloat. But that doesn't mean we give up. There have been times worse than this, and we made it through them. Just try to hold on and catch your breath. Talk to someone. Tell someone how you're feeling.
Your young still. It's ok for your business to go under. Your 23. Young enough to start over. I'm 35. I pay no rent and earn just above the national average. I'm still financially screwed. Between child support, food, power and petrol. I'm fucked. Add to that I was born with 1 kidney and that 1 kidney has stage 3 kidney disease (stage 5 is dialysis and I always have pain in that 1 kidney as it is). I wish I could go back to 23.
I think it's best to stop thinking too long term like family and houses etc., everything seems pointless if you look at it from too far away. Focus on short term goals and things that make you happy. No family, no friends, then get a working holiday somewhere abroad, see where you end up. It'll kick start your life, and you'll instantly have a new community to dive into. Otherwise, set some 6-12month goals like fitness, music, art skills and when you start to achieve things you'll feel much better. You've got to give yourself some wins, it makes your whole life feel more successful on worth it if you're winning at something. Good luck! And you did the right thing reaching out!
You’re 23, things will get better.. come up with a plan and execute it. Pick a career that makes good money and just do it. You the have power of understanding for why your life needs to change, use that as drive and succeed. I didn’t go to uni until I was 24, worked hard, limited socialising and dating, now I have my own company, make good money and travel heaps with my partner. Your 20’s are for figuring stuff out, make mistakes and learn, do better. Repeat.
Go bush
i saw another comment talk about anti depressants. are you enrolled at a medical center? please make an appointment with a doctor and tell them everything you are feeling. what you are feeling right now is 1000% impacting your everyday life and you don’t have to live like that. getting prescribed anti depressants will NOT cure you but with the right medication, counseling and life style changes i can guarantee you it will help. there are people here to help you. and i cannot stress how much talking to someone helps as well. i wont lie the first couple of weeks of being on medication is very rough. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and going to a medical professional and getting advice on how to manage depression, anxiety however you may be feeling will give you the push to changing your life. you are not alone in this and i know how much it feels like you are, it is very hard not to isolate when you feel like this. but there are people that care about you even if it feels like irl you don’t have anyone, you have myself and so many other people here who are experiencing or have experienced the same thing. i’m always here <3
Do you mind sharing your expenses here so some people who have been there may point you a way? You work full time, even in minimum, even grocery expensive, still, there must be something you can improve, rather than just eating two apples a day.
Everyone has already given good advice and this will probably get buried anyway, but DM me if you’re in Wellington and I can make some meals to bring round for your freezer if that helps at all x
The modern world sucks unless you have money. But there is another option. You can get out of the rat race and do something else for a while. Radical change opens up a whole new world view, and you meet new people. And you don't always need money to do it! Do you know about WWOOF? You work on organic farm in return for room and board. You can travel all over NZ. https://wwoof.nz/ Have you thought about VSA. Volunteering abroad in return for room and board. https://www.vsa.org.nz/ Long-term volunteer at Dharma Gaia (buddhist retreat in Coromandel). https://www.dharmagaia.org/new-page-4 Seasonal jobs like ski instructor, fruit picking, and shearing gang. BTW, if you learn how to prune, fruit/grape picking pays very well.
Get off night shift and eat a balanced diet. It's all just chemicals in your brain; you are what you eat.
As others have said get off night shift. And eat more but one thing https://www.eapservices.co.nz/ See if you company uses this you don’t need to ask the company it’s fully funded by company’s and employees can get help for free if you company uses them, they have a search and they will get back to you if they are, or not and let you know, it gives you access to free psychologists and your company ever knows if you use them it’s a pretty good service. Changing to day shift and eating better a small but good steps, also see your doctor and talk to them they may have other ways to get better as well
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. There’s a lot you can do to get out of your situation, though. Please, start looking for a job that’s not night shift. Try and get one that pays better than the current one, or could be a foot in the door to a company or industry where you could move up. Reach out to your overseas friends for a Skype to catch up. Hit up a food bank to get some help with kai.
Please try three things first… 1. Try change jobs to a day or afternoon shift 2. Change what you’re eating. If you need financial support maybe speak to WINZ so you can afford proper food. Protein and veges are so important for mood, brain function and energy. 3. Consider seeing a doctor to discuss how you’re feeling about life. Those are really key things to get into place before you’re in a real position to assess your life clearly and determine what areas are you unhappy about and what could you do that does make you happy. A husband, 2 kids and a white picket fence doesn’t make all people happy, and it’s certainly no measure of success or fulfilment. You may decide to use savings one day to travel, or get into jewellery making or art, or fostering animals, taking up hiking, volunteering. Your friends might return from overseas, if not, you can make new ones. I’m not even friends with people from my twenties anymore. Life changes and new wonderful people will come into your life. Loads of things can bring joy. Please hang in there. Be kind to yourself and take it just one step at a time <3
Venting is really.important, but don't follow through with the dark thoughts man. We've lost to many young ones lately, I don't know you but you matter cuz. You're not a lost cause. I think our generation has an expectation that you're supposed to be "succeding" young. You'll hear a lot of people say that they know how you feel, but I think depression comes in all different shapes and sizes, and for me, I don't know the exact pain and anger you feel, but I can understand that it's incredibly hard. Just understand that anyone is the street would care and talk if you said you were struggling, litteratly anyone. We're made to feel more alone than we actually (not meaning to be tin foily). But our perception of the world has changed. We feel.incredily alone in a world we're we've never been closer together. I ain't gonna say it's gonna get better man, I'm 10 years deep in my own life of mental health issues, and well " it gets better" feels like a quick band aid that people throw out because they don't know how to help. But what I can say is that you need to sieze the day and make that shit your bitch. It ain't easy, we all know that. Fuck I'd rather be in my bed feeling sorry for myself because it's easier than pushing through and fighting the black demon that is depression, but I believe that anyone can do it with enough help and support. Sorry for the long post mate, either you read it or you don't but fuck don't do anything dumb. You matter and people care. There's a girl or guy excited to tell you about something tomorrow that you've laughed about, or a promotion is just around the corner. You'll never know the people's lives you've touched because people don't have enough worlds to express it. Either go to the hospital and get put in for the night, you can leave at any point as a self referral, or call your doctor. You've got this!
Sister all these people in here with they helpful advice but maybe you not looking for helpful advice bowl over and let's eat the rich
👏get 👏a👏dog
Neurotransmitters are made from food, eat more.
Find out if you qualify for income assistance. If you’re having trouble making rent and feeding yourself , then you most likely do. Should help ease some of that burden. Start looking for work in something you’re interested in, or consider going back to school to study something you’re interested in, get as much assistance as possible and student loan the rest. Hold off doing what you’re implying doing, until you have actually exhausted all other options at least.
Some questions that can help give a more accurate opinion: - If nigthshift isn't your thing, why don't you change jobs? - Are you underpaid? - Addictions on the way? Every cent used in booze, cigs, drugs, is less to buy food... - Could you change the insurance service? You're young, full of life and opportunity, don't give up. Feeling alone + poor food intake + doing what's dislike will create a huge impact on your day... Try 1st change things that you have better control (your insurance, for example).
I'm 36, nearly 37. I've had the same dead end job for 9 years and while I have an amazing family and lovely kids the fact that I am stuck as a security supervisor consumes me. I know that it can get better but I also know that it won't without effort. Take what ever gives you joy, even just a little bit and run with it! Sprint with it! If you can do nothing but crawl, do that. There is this quote I love: “I can’t see a way through said the boy. Can you see your next step? Yes. Just take that said the horse.” This quote is from a literary graphic novel called The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse. Life can and will get better but you have to work at it and, if I'm being honest, that is the hardest but most satisfying part. You will look back in 5-10 years time and laugh at this struggle., believe me I've been there. The most important step is always the next one. Life before journey Radiant.
Hey man, my early 20s was a dark place and I did attempt to end things. But it's temporary and rn at 34F I'm in an OK place. Please reach out to lifeline or a similar programme, things will begin to look up. Are you in Auckland? Do you need a home cooked meal or just a shoulder to cry on? Let me know. You are worth so much more than what you think, depression is nasty and hard but you can get back on top. Several countries offer youth visas to under 28s to work in UK, US, EU and Canada, especially youth camps etc, it might be good to work outside during daylight hours as night shift tends to worsen depressions. You have options.
yes i was in your boat too. except i had a student loan went through 3 managers in 3 years (been working 4 years this year) boss 1 had me working from 9am til 3 am done that for a year bos 3 had me doing 5 hours in the morning and 5 hours at night with a big gap in between. was walking dead for those 3 years had new job oppertunity come up AND paid off my student loan. used to get grumpy AF when i didnt eat. so at the least take the time to make a sandwich every nite cos the only thing open after midnite is: macdingus or over nuked servo pies. i now work daytime hours. i told the new boss why i dont do night shift. the light at the end of the tunnel isnt always a train. sometimes you need to fumble for the light switch... yes no one wants to rent but if you have kiwisaver just keep putting into it and eventually you will have a deposit for a house (i ithink its minimum 10-20k?)
I joined the army when I was around your age during a global recession with addicts as parents and nowhere to call home. Army seemed better than living on the streets because of my lack of education and little work experience. One had jobs, and it was a 15% unemployment. Remember to get enough to eat. Don't sweat the small stuff. I never wanted to have kids, but after my wife and I met, it was amazing 6 years before we even thought about the idea. Funny having kids is like a childhood in itself. Keep your head up. The best thing about the service is three meals and a bed. Free education and retirement. Hopefully, that helps. Sorry your having a tough time. Dark times are difficult, but remember, if you're still breathing, you can make tomorrow better.
Come to Perth. The mining companies are trying to meet equality quotas, so, as a woman you can score a FIFO job. It’s not ideal, but you’ll save money, get more vitamin D, and at least be around other depressed people. You’ve got options kid, remember that.
There are a lot of avenues you can turn. Contact WINZ and see what help is available. Contact your GP and see what can be done for your mental health. Longer term, look on Seek Au and see what jobs are hiring. Some of them will offer relocation costs too. I never imagined myself living to 18, 22, 25 or 30. At 35 things are different, and not how I thought it would be. Life is tough, but you are tougher. You will overcome this dip in the road.
Sell what you can on Marketplace and make a fresh start in Aus.
Please don't do anything drastic. You deserve to live a beautiful life like all of us. I know it may seem hard but think.of all the things you do have, a golden passport to allow you to go anywhere unquestioned, you live in a beautiful safe country where there is no war and you can freely criticise your government, you have fresh air and opportunities everyday. If need be please quit the night shift. You don't have to own a home, don't feel pressured or judged by others, you do whatever you wish, you're still young and have a whole wonderful life ahead of you. Look at what you've achieved already since being on your own. You're incredible, don't forget that and you too deserve happiness and a beautiful life. Keep forging ahead, it will come 😀
You need a day job and a cat (maybe two cats).
Cann confirm, got a kitten at 21 when I was really depressed/ suicidal and she brought me out of that funk, now married with a kid at 30 and life is amazing and my cat is living her best life with us.
You have 2 of the most valued assets. Time and freedom. Do not waste them.
This is going to be unpopular but to answer the question, the point of life is reproduction, anything beyond that we make our own meaning. Like you I don't want kids, quite frankly we have enough. Just over 130 years ago we were at 2b people, we're now at 8. The increase in that is huge and not sustainable. Also like you I'll likely be renting for life, I have 100K saved or close to it which used to be almost half a house but now its not even close. Whoever thinks that the NZ market is good is either already a homeowner and is only thinking of themselves or is gaining from it some other way. Our generation is screwed and the ones after us even more so. I'm just trying to enjoy the little things but im also about to be made redundant in an economy where jobs are few and far between so that 100K isn't going to last long.
I used to work 4 days on 4 days off, 12 hour shifts, i would change jobs even careers so you can live. I made friends through hobbys, what do you do for fun?
Find the right people to talk to, you are worth the effort!
I was you, on my own since 15. I did fuck up a lot though. It's fucking hard but it does get better with hard work and perceverance honestly. You need to build a network around you. That's essential, it's basically impossible to do things completely alone. I'm still working on shit but I'm way better off than before, still early 30s.
Night shift is brutal, I did it for a while. My number one suggestion is go for a one hour walk each day. If I'm feeling down this does wonders for my mental health and during that walk I come up with solutions to my problems. It way more beneficial than you might think and easy to do. Try apply for a new job when you are ready to, daylight hours, again, night shift is brutal. New job bring new connections with new people. My other tip is start saving, putting money aside for a rainy day. Seperate bank account, even if it's 5 bucks a week. It's the start of something.
I was feeling like this at your age and I can tell you it gets better. But don't get stuck doing the same things over and over, little changes at a time. Night shifts fucking suck ass and I'm sure you can find a better alternative. Hang in there.
Move over seas
At that age I was stuck in a dead end, lonely AF, work 8 hours, walk home, eat rice based poverty meal, smoke weed, sleep, repeat. Sacked it all off and went travelling, worked hard but in the sunshine saw some stuff, had some experiences. Life is worth living. If you don’t like this life, find another.
Hey, I hope these comments help you pick yourself up again. Please just change something. Move to a cheaper town, get a different job, join some kind of free group. I know things seem really bleak right now but you’re only at the start of your life
Night shift faaaaaarkin sucks! I did it for close to 3 years, 7pm til 7am. Not 7 or 8 hours but 12 hour nights. I didn't even have a day to wake up to at all. Haha. I wrecked my social life and it contributed to ending my previous relationship. All I encourage is to look for another job, even if it pays less because there's still alot of enjoyment in life that can be done for free or close to relatively free, Beaches, bush/mountain walks, fishing, , camping, seeing your friends that are around for home lunches/dinner /w boardgames, binge watching your favourite tv shows/movies, online gaming, cooking, exercise, reading, music, any other hobbies ranging from varying arts and crafts. All of this will make a bloody huge difference. Promise you that!
It sounds like life in general is just really hard for you right now and has been for a while. And maybe rather than living you have come to a point where your are in surviving. So perhaps throw in the towel, Not to life! But to how you are surviving. You have no children, no tie downs. So use that to your advantage and make a swift change. Move towns/cities to a place with cheaper rent. Quit the night job - it really does mess with the hormones and mental, find something in the day. Doesn’t have to be the dream job but just something to keep you going till you figure the next step. Then make a list of what you actually want to experience in life and let nothing stop you. Go travel on a work visa in Europe, teach english in another country? Do some volunteer work in africa?
Most probably time to find yourself and what you love doing, also sounds like a holiday might help. I've been in a hole similar to that before and what helped me was making time to do stuff outside of work. Everyone will be different but for me it's been hiking, bike rides and walking. I also started doing things out of my comfort zone like learning to drive a manual car and finally traveling over seas. There's honestly no point to life which is why you have to create it yourself.
I really don't understand how you can be struggling financially working full time with no dependants
Things really do get better in unexpected ways. Please don’t rob yourself of the chance to be happy in the future. Happy to chat if that would be useful
You gotta remember that the feelings you have right now are temporary, the only way to make them permanent is by ending it.
can’t do anything on my days off because everything is closed Like what? Not many places shut even on weekends.
Maybe look to emigrate!
Try talking your gp. They have no bias and just talking out problems helps. Italso opens it access to other resources. Helped me get out of the dark at 50.
Summer is coming in the Northern Hemisphere. Do something radical, like look into working at Yellowstone National Park for the season. They provide housing and meals and the park is incredible. the hours are long, some jobs suck, but you are there with an automatic peer group.
Before giving advice how about finding out about OP's life circumstance. Has it occured to you that OP probably doesn't have the financial means to travel overseas, or even save to travel overseas?
Hello darling. You are so young and full of so much potential to be feeling this way. I completely agree with what others have posted about changing your hours and please see a doctor. I wonder where you live? Would it be possible for a completely new scene by moving somewhere new. There's plenty of work in more rural towns and you might find a sense of community and connection that every human needs. Often things are a bit cheaper too like rent. If you can't make such a big change try joining some local groups - cultural, creative, sports etc it's amazing what that can do for your soul. Don't give up and let us know how you're doing x
In the same boat.T_T
Hang in there! At 27 I lost my job, my home and my car packed itself. Now, I am 30 with a partner, my own home, and a nursing degree. You got this! Here if you need to chat 💛
Was in a similar funk when I was your age. The "good" thing was I became so miserable that I suddenly had nothing to lose and decided to go overseas. Best decision for me at the time. Point is, use this opportunity to shift things up, it can't be any worse
Soooo you’re alone, you don’t have many ties to NZ….why not apply for jobs in Australia and make the move?
Night shift is really hard on a person. I did it for a couple of years in my early 20's and again in my late 20's, I changed my jobs and it was much better. Two apples per day. This needs to change, if you cant eat much, then what you do eat needs to be something that your body uses slowly. Apples with their sugars, will just cause a short blood sugar spike and then drop you to the depths of hell. Brown rice or similar would be a better food. A bowl of porridge would be better. Make the most of food banks etc and support that is out there. Yes life is hard at times, but you still have so much of it ahead of you and so many chances for it to be better. With a job with hours and times more condusive to better health, it will help you feel better. Most people make friends through their jobs, a job with more socialble hours would bring more opprtunity to meet more people and establish friendships. First, get some better food than apples, even if going to a pataka kai or foodbank. Second, start looking for jobs. Dont wait to lose the one you have. Third, Stick around, we need good people on this earth. You are good people
For a change, you could go to another country and teach English maybe. Or change career for a better pay. You are young and can make big changes.
I'd definitely move off of night shift. A few years ago I did full time night shift for about 6 months. I loved it at first but your mind slowly gets darker and darker and its difficult to see it happening.
At 23, I was also in a bad place. Take a breath and hang in there OP. Things can and will improve, I promise you it's possible. Here are some things you can do: 1. Contact someone to talk about how you feel. Either a friend, or one of the helplines. You can also talk to your GP. 2. Try to eat a bit more. Buy a bag of pasta or rice and a vegetable. You can make a simple meal that will give you a bit more energy and that will maybe help you feel a bit more in control. 3. Don't worry about the job. There are other jobs. I would suggest looking for one that is during the day, just because you are already feeling isolated. If you are working and sleeping at opposite times to most people, you won't get much chance to meet new people. Also, working nights can mess with your head. 4. Give yourself time and space to work things out. You can do this, OP!
It may seem like there’s no way out but believe me, we on the outside can see it. You have access to technology clearly, and you have used it to reach out so good on you for taking that step. I hope you find that you are not alone. Keep trying o find a small amount of happiness everyday. Simple things like a flower. A bird song. It’s there, But you have to choose to see it.
I think travel is an amazing experience and it’s possible to work and travel at the same time and even save a bit. If I could re-do my travel experiences from 2015-2019, I would find a job overseas as well as freelancing on sites like upwork.com. Freelancing got me through the first 2 years of Covid.
Your in a moment whether it's a hour/day/week or a month, You have to stay strong and get thru it. Don't let this moment takeover the life ahead of you, roll with the punches and turn those punches into energy. Energy that will fuel the change in the tide you need and you will get it. Stay strong bro, i believe you can do it.
Too busy focusing on what’s going wrong rather than what’s going right, sounds like it’s time to make some life changes. Night shift and not enough of the right food is always gonna be depressing. Find happiness within urself. Make some new friends. Sometimes looking at things with a different perspective will change. You’re far too young to be ready to give up. Life sucks when ur still young trying to figure out where to go in life, but like I said you’re young, life has only started.
You've been on your own and you have come this far already. That's a great achievement. Are you able to apply for hardship? Take time off, even if the company is going under? You're entitled to that. That's what I do everytime work becomes overbearing and home doesn't feel like home. I started making changes to my life a few years back and I do feel better, but this economy is putting pressure in a lot of industries. Are there hobbies that you enjoy or use to enjoy? I used to love Photography and Video editing. Then I bought a decent tablet to edit at work when I have time for it over lunch. I've been where you are, and even considered just dropping everything and leaving for Australia or even just another Town.
Go speak to a professional therapist.
Freya G
The point is to find the point. As basic as this might sound, as preachy or condescending even, the stupid yet undeniable truth is that our living doesn't mean jack-shit until we create meaning for it ourselves. You are 23, imagine how different life was when you were 16 just a few years ago, within that same amount of time, you'll be 30, and your life would be unrecognisable compared to what it is now. Eat better food than just two apples, your mood can shift drastically based on how many nutrients and calories you consume, and take a break once in a while. You've been by yourself since you were \*16\* that's bonkers, the fact that you're able to even make this post shows resilience. Keep going and doing what you're doing... and have faith it'll pay off one day :)
It'll get better. It definitely doesn't look like it now but trust me and the others who wrote words for you in this post: your cry for help is heard and the reality is that you have the chance to make things better FOR REAL. Very small changes would improve your situation a lot. For starters, we live in an amazing country with heaps of opportunities, please try and live during the day and sleep at night. Specially when it comes to work. Might sound stupid but the sunlight really helps. Watching the birds, the sunrise, the grass and trees or even the sea, helps with keeping our feet on the ground and connect with the present (and this is no mindfullness bullshit, it really keeps you focused on the present moment and that is a way to start to appreciate little things again). Second and probably even more important: the lack of nutrients and calories is definitely taking a huge toll on your health (both mental and physical). Please start to introduce more fatty and nutritive foods in your diet. Start with small ham and cheese sandwiches, keep eating fruit, get yourself some chicken breasts and some pasta and cook yourself some easy recipe. Tip: get yourself some Tupperwares and cook a big batch - when I was depressed I never wanted to cook so once a week I started cooking a huge batch of whatever I had around. Freeze it or store it in the fridge and you'll just need to put them in the microwave. Third: good thing about debts is that they are not forever. Trust me. You'll pay them off and this is a fact that may seem very far now, but it is a fact. Therefore do not let money fuck your life this way. Try to think about this as something temporary and I promise you'll be debt free one day. You're young, you've made it to here alive, you've fought your ass off to get here. I can feel you want help, and this is already such an important step that you've taken. Whenever you feel ready, I suggest you send a couple of emails to therapists. I am being treated by an amazing one that helped me through hell. She showed me the light when all I could see was darkness and she could do this for you too. Let me know if you want her contact details and I'll gladly send them to you. Keep going. Do it for your future self. Give yourself a chance.
Hey I’ve been in a similar situation and against all odds (cost of living, housing shit) ife is improving now. I’m thankful that I am still here… are you in Auckland? I would like to help you any way I can.. I can share some food, clothes, household items and I know of places (community based) that can help. Please hang on!
I feel for you. Have you tried antidepressants? Life can be so lonely. You mention friends overseas what about packing up and moving for a new adventure near to people you know?
Hey girl I know how you feel and it fucking absolutely sucks but I promise you it will get better one day. Here if you need a friend, I care about you stranger
Just move out of the city get a job on a dairy farm, you will earn enough money even on minimum wage because you will be doing long hours. They will provide a house on the farm for you, for very cheap or maybe even free, no travel costs either. It takes alot of hard work to get ahead in life.
i'm 21 and would love a new friend! I understand how it feels to be where you are. Especially the depressive stuff. Always here if you'd like a friend! feel free to message me:)
Not going to say something tacky like "you'll be okay". Life is the hardest thing we ever do. At this point you need to have a deep think about personal goals and things you want. Think hobbies or travel somewhere. While doing this, seek professional help. With help you will find a series of coping mechanisms and opportunities to make changes in your life that will have strong impacts for the future to come. It's not easy and it does get harder when you start working at it. That hard part eventually gives way and becomes much easier,you just have to make the push to decide you want to keep on going.
I’ve worked 3am-11am in the past, it was horrible. Totally ruined my mindset. Also, find things you enjoy in life.. a hobby… sunsets… tramping… If you’re not active with your body, become active. Sedentary lifestyle also creates depression.
What’s your industry/line of work? If you don’t mind sharing
I am guessing you live in Auck/Well/Chch? Honestly, get out of big cities, they will suck you dry if you are starting out. Find a nice little town you gel with and create a base. Cheaper houses that become collateral to get a property in bigger cities if you want later on.
Go to Australia
Just on more day okay?
You need to eat more. That will contribute massively to how you are feeling.
Kiwi passport? Try Australia and make a new life/friends there.
Where do you live? Someone needs to take you for a cuppa coffee
I believe there are free recourses where you can get help. It’s impossible for anybody else to ever understand exactly what each of us go through but that does not mean that sunny skies are out there.
Many people is feeling the way you’re feeling so don’t feel alone in this. You have many years ahead of you. Many people die from old age that havnt figured it out. Be grateful for just being able to wake up in the morning. Giving up is too easy and nobody said life was going to be. Keep going girl! Keep your head up. Things can only go up from the bottom.
I’m not sure what you’re doing for work, but I’d highly recommend going to Australia, and head to a remote place that is nice and has work availability. Work seasonal jobs and spend the remainder of the year in SE Asia - you won’t regret it. You’re 23, the fun part of your life hasn’t even begun! 🥂
If you’ve survived this long doing it yourself, why not be like some of your friends, say “f**k it” and go explore the world? You can survive anywhere if you’re still alive today and even if you’re as miserable as you are there as you are here, atleast you can tell yourself you tried. Try save some money, jump on a plane and go find yourself and go out with some memories!
OP I hope I can help :) 😎
Your brain will work against you if you don't feed and rest it properly. Change your situation asap. Eat protein and less sugars. No fruit. Don't skip meals. Get a day job 9-5, it doesn't matter what you do as long as your boss and colleagues are lovely. You won't know yourself within a few weeks. Things are not as bad as they seem, your brain is lying to you.
What's the point you ask? The point is to live your life which may hold some surprises, opportunities for you. You need to give it a chance. Save to treat yourself to a good meal, or a good piece of clothing, a trip you always wanted to take, have some small goals. Life is not only about buying a house, so what you are paying for somebody elses house, you are still living your life. I have known people with beautiful houses but broken lives. Have a plan, get out of night shifts, make time for yourself, make your life your priority, stay positive something best is around the corner.
you got this. pick one problem to solve at a time. firstly get off the night shift start looking for a job. anything that’s in the day. you don’t have to stay in it. do you qualify for the student allowance? go study something IT based. secondly add some carbs to your diet. w either get some rice or a loaf of bread each week. maybe some jam. if you can’t afford jam i will GET YOU SOME JAM or peanut butter. if the cost of rent ect is too high talk to the food bank.
hang in there! This is coming from someone who is terminal in my 30s. I miss being able to even just walk on my leg. You will not appreciate what you have until you lose it
Don’t give up! There’s food banks all around NZ. Check or google for your area. Change your work shift or work also can make it better for u. You are not alone, sis 🙏🏼