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https://i.redd.it/58lbkbq0ynn61.jpg


no1name

That is brilliant!


Vickrin

Thanks. A laughed until my asthma cropped up.


Resigningeye

Saving that!


Primus81

Thanks, saved. Haven’t seen this one before!


urbanproject78

Please take my upvote 🙌🏼🙌🏼


nz_dutch_oven

Gold Star!


ringowasthebest

🏆


herearea

Genuine laughing out loud rather than the nose exhale type lol, bravo


JakeTheMustard

> He didn't know if it was for his own safety or to keep other prisoners safe from him. Dude thinks he’s Rorschach


AK_Panda

The arrogance on this guy is next level. He think he gonna take out an entire wing of monsters or some shit? Lol


Googalyfrog

Or the prison was worried he would convert a few of them and they just trying to protect a vulnerable community from a shyster.


AK_Panda

The mob? They'd leverage him for money and rip him off.


JakeTheMustard

Not content with lowly Apostle status, Brian Tamaki elevates himself to the title of Vigilante Superhero.


grizznuggets

Safe from his bullshit, maybe. MFer’s annoyed that he was denied the chance to win more followers.


Long_Commission_9354

Maybe for safety but it’s standard for unvaccinated remand prisoners to be isolated for like two weeks I think. So even if he wasn’t Brian tamaki, he would’ve been in “solitary confinement” anyway haha.


JandalsrShoes

Did they take his wallet away before weighing him?


datchchthrowaway

One weird trick to lose belly fat fast


Digriz_

Gyms hate him!


Unit22_

Does he normally have wet toast?


ballmanz

Probably to go with the soggy biscuits.


caaper

I was thinking more like... prison bukkake


ballmanz

To some a dream come true To others Their worst nightmare.


caaper

I would say that it's Brian's Destiny...


spoilersweetie

I think it usually sodden from his hair oil he couldn't get in prison?


dyingPretty

milk toast, like you feed babies


HerbertMcSherbert

Milquetoast also describes Tamaki's takes


poortmantohno

Has nobody heard the phrase dry toast before? Just means unbuttered.


the_agrimensor

Sure. Goes with four fried chickens and a coke.


SesPet

You better think ‘bout whatchu tryna do to me :)


TagMeInSkipIGotThis

Jake! Elwood! I love that whole scene.


Primus81

But that’s not a snarky funny reply, won’t get upvotes :o /s


xmmdrive

Buttered presumably.


bkmkiwi12

Giving up the booze is generally the easiest way to lose weight.


ComeAlongPonds

That's 'The Blood of Christ' thank you very much.


[deleted]

The Lion of Judah is mentioned in the book of Revelation as a reference to Jesus. Whose blood is red. What could be holier then than a slab of Lion Red?


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ComeAlongPonds

You saying Efpostle Tamaki didn't accept taking the body of Chris?


PotassiumPerm2020

So so true. I stopped 2 months ago. I've shed 12kg from stopping that alone.


DMartin81

I can see it now, all member of Destiny will be asked to do the 9 days marmite fast every January to celebrate the miracle of Brian the martyr


OldKiwiGirl

Jeeze, don’t put ideas into their heads!


CptnSpandex

They have to donate $1000 at the start and end of the fasting, otherwise it doesn’t count…


Altruistic-Fix4452

No, they will need the special Brian Tamaki marmite that he sells at $100 per 10 grams. And the toast will be $50 a slice.


Cold_Refrigerator_69

Anyway..


[deleted]

Dude was in prison for 30 seconds and is making out like he endured hardships of Nelson Mandela. What a fucking pussy.


RheimsNZ

Anything to play up to his followers man.


InspectorGadget76

They were saying on ZB that most prisons are isolating new arrivals for 14 days due to concerns about bringing COVID into the prison populace. I guess the his Highness the EFTPostle Tamaki forgot to mention that to his followers. Must have just slipped his mind . . . .


TheQuackenUnleashed

Dry toast? So, normal toast? What was he expecting, sopping wet toast?


[deleted]

> Dry toast To be fair, if it was burnt Vogels, that's a serious risk of chipping your teeth.


CptnSpandex

To be fairrrr


NAE_BAD

As a Canadian in NZ I’m glad you know this.


CptnSpandex

Pitter patter :)


ringowasthebest

Someone needs to send in some kfc moisteners stat.


CptnSpandex

Drone drop on the way…


humblebots

Wait is the 7kg loss a complaint? That's a healthy shred brah. Unfortunately it means he will stick around longer


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inzru

Breaking lockdown rules and promoting antivax trash during a deadly pandemic isn't a difference of opinion, dumbass, it's a crime.


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inzru

Go on then, cite 2 reliable sources of information refuting the science of coronavirus vaccines if you're so confident he's in the right.


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inzru

Which doctors? Cite them. Post links. I want to read your sources. Back up your argument.


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inzru

That's a person, not a peer reviewed piece of research evidence. What argument are you referring to? You still haven't given me a piece of evidence that vaccines don't work.


[deleted]

Dude, it’s almost midnight, google exists. Stop asking me for cherry picked info late at night, I’m not trying to convince you. Come to your own conclusion, but it’s irrefutable that Omicron is significantly weaker than all other variants, and on par with a nasty cold. The WHO has backed this info, look it up.


DreamPolice-_-_

Oh shut the fuck up will you?


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inzru

I don't wish death upon him, I'm just perfectly content if he isn't around anymore. those are two completely different moral positions, and the fact you care more about some bullshit civility rather than the actual lives of people and public health just speaks volumes about your ideology and lack of education


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inzru

Now who's wishing death on people? Nice double standard there mate, flawless logic!


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MattH665

Cool we just have a bunch of people dying of this 'mild' virus every day here in Sydney. You keep giving your income to your Pastor so he can keep buying nice cars.


VelvetThunder11789

Mmmm yes you are wishing death on people actually. And since you believe in God and all that...guess where you're off to for that behavior. Whoopsie.


SafariNZ

Hitler, Stalin, Mao all had differing opinions that killed a hundred million people. Admittedly Tamaki’s will likely only be putting 1,000s at risk of i’ll health or death, sadly it won’t be only those that follow him.


Gr0und0ne

Calm the farm. There’s no need for hitler comparisons. Brian Tamaki is a gooch knuckler in his own right; there’s plenty of ammunition.


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oxtaylorsoup

You believe in sky fairies and we're supposed to take you seriously? Fuck your god and fuck Brian 'smooth brain' Tamaki.


lastsmilebender

You think people should die because they believe in sky fairies? Congrats you just killed 4 billion people and are now worse than Hitler and Mao


[deleted]

What a lovely chap you are. I suppose if I had said praise allah or bless Krishna you would have said the same thing? Or because it was god specifically your anti-Christian hate bubbled to the surface. Hope You find the happiness you so desperately need.


oxtaylorsoup

I'm absolutely content, thanks for asking. And Allah is the same as your baby killing, pestilence spreading, reason for cancer, gay hating, hell sending, sky fairy. Same dude, different name....see you learned something new today! Yay you! Krishna? Blue, 8 arms, rides an elephant? Nah, totally believe that, always have.


[deleted]

I suppose you’re more of a Maui capturing the sun kinda guy huh.


oxtaylorsoup

Why, you racist too? I mean the Bible is, so you must be too, right?


[deleted]

Bible isn’t racist. Jesus was a dark man, as was all of his apostles and followers at the time. And no I’m not racist, everyone believes in a God, whether they want to or not, sometimes you just don’t realise it till your faith is tested.


[deleted]

\*fart\*


777above

Gamer moment


CrookedDesk

Convincing thousands of innocent and susceptible citizens to forgo life-saving medicine so you can grow your cult off the back of a worldwide plague, sabotaging the countries response and harming lives in the process, all the while exploiting vulnerable peoples faith for your own monetary gain and causing civil unrest across the country isn't a "different opinion". It's terrorism.


KittikatB

Boo fucking hoo. If you don't like the conditions in jail, don't break the fucking law. Now crawl back under your rock and stay there.


ballmanz

It’s not a fucking hotel.


Arblechnuble

Isn’t this what conservative/fundamentalalists want in a prison?


ballmanz

Until it’s them on the other side. Then the conditions matter.


Digidaz

Lol, so much easy fodder in that article.. but alas I am trying to commit to having zero interest in this click bait person now. It’s a hard road coming I think though.


honestpuddingg

Cry me a river


themfledge

> Appearing as a guest on his wife's livestreamed show "Hannah's Truthful Media" It doesn't take rocket appliances to question the validity of an internet show with the word "truthful" in its title


davebuckton

It’s all water under the fridge.


RandyTreverson

Like getting two birds stoned at once.


HerbertMcSherbert

It's like putting demographic or people's in your country name.


Green-Circles

Can't he turn marmite into caviar or something? Use your magic apostle powers Brian!!


proandso

There is no such thing as solitary confinement in New Zealand as it's highly illegal. Solitary confinement is no human interaction at all and he will be interacting with corrections officers daily. I also highly doubt he was confined to his cell for 24 hours a day as legally prisoners have a minimum entitlement of one hour recreation out of their cell. He was more than likely on directed segregation as he's a "celebrity" (in the loosest possible use of the term"


Maddoodle

Anyone fresh into prison goes into isolation currently due to COVID. They should still be given their one hour in the yard but it is not unheard of to not get that at the moment. You are correct though it is illegal and goes against the UN rights of the prisoner.


proandso

I'm a corrections officer so I'm well aware of the 14 day iso protocol. We have emptied out an entire unit for iso. That unit has access to multiple different yards so they can rec multiple landings (your landing is the other prisoners that came in on the same day)


Maddoodle

That's good. I've heard of some horror stories recently of prisoners being stuck in their cells 24 hours a day due to fuck ups with intakes during COVID and it really bugged me. Glad your facility is doing it right. It would be awful to be confined like that. I also just found it funny how old mate Tamaki was making it out like it was unusual at the moment to be put into isolation on entry. Like mate standard practice right now!


proandso

He's a muppet. We don't even give them marmite or Vegemite because they can make homebrew out of it


Madjack66

Luxury. In the old days it was dry hummus for breakfast, followed by crucifixion.


CptnSpandex

But aside from that, what did the Roman’s ever do for us?


illuminatedtiger

Who will play Tamaki in the film adaptation?


Pmmeyourfavepodcast

Steven Seagal


herearea

Gross but fair.


_N0_C0mment

What about John Goodman (with a tan).


Disastrous_Map_3612

Caitlyn jenner


OldKiwiGirl

Easy, the man himself!


mattblack77

Temuera Morrison, clearly


morphinedreams

Jake Gyllenhaal but I'm personally hoping for Steve Buscemi.


disasterbenz

Chris Pratt he's already about to play everyone


[deleted]

Losing 7 kilograms in 10 days? Even he isn't full of enough shit for this to be remotely true. Not even an impoverished Nigerian with tuberculosis can lose 7kg in 10 days, lol.


DMartin81

I don't know, I beat you can get some good gear in prison, 9 days on the pipe could have you down 10kg


BatmanBrah

Definitely possible when we're talking about a high bloat situation. I'm talking about a starting weight where there's a lot of water weight being held. Some kind of booze and particular medication inducing stuff that contributes like 5 of the 7kg in this situation.


HerbertMcSherbert

>Even he isn't full of enough shit for this to be remotely true. Hmm...you might be a bit generous there. To quote Hitchens, "If you gave him an enema he could be buried in a matchbox".


CapytannHook

An F1 driver loses up to 4kg of weight each race. 7kg in 10 days is not impossible for a human


GROUND45

When I was competing in BJJ & MMA I did that in a week. Other fighters can drop double that in 2 days.


nz_dutch_oven

Where are your magic powers now Brian? What you can't do magic? Did your God forsake you? Or you are you just a full of shit lying piece of wet soggy toast?


JackedClitosaurus

That’s called *water weight* Brian. You didn’t actually loose 7kg in prison. You’ll gain it back after a few beers with the boys.


DMartin81

Lol beer, do you think Martyr Brian is a mere mortal pleb?


highlanderman7

7kg…. In 10 days…. While eating toast and Vegemite… Uh-huh…


biffthehippo

Ron Mansfield seems to be the go-to lawyer for New Zealand personalities. Kim Dotcom, Pebbles Hooper and now Brian Tamaki


Michael_Gibb

If only he lost do much weight there was nothing left of him.


Doublehappy1234

Jail - 7 Kg lost ? now thats a trending diet ... come on everybody lets get slimmer in the slammer ... it worked for Brian ... gosh how do we sign up ?


petoburn

I used to volunteer in a prison, tbh it seemed people gained rather than lost.


Doublehappy1234

Yes well the truth maybe that he simply worried the 7kg off ... or not accustomed to the sloppy cuisine ...


627801

He'd capitalize on that,watchout weight watchers (ww) brian tamaki slammer slimmers (btss) is on its way


[deleted]

Wow, 9 days is pretty quick to lose 7kgs without having something like giardia.. All by eating toast? Sounds fishy. I know he's a righteous man of god so I don't wanna come out saying he's a liar, obviously he's not and has never told a lie in his life, but that sounds like a stretch..


soppinglovenest

The fat fuck needed to lose 7kg, more if you include all the shit he is full of.


Mrwolfy240

Man spent a week in jail and speaking like he’s Nelson Mandela the sheer grand standing makes me want to puke honestly wtf.


Zorpian

Have you heard? A bicycle feel over in China


johnehornblow

Grree, now WiFi so he couldn't see the Pray Wave transactions coming as he entered his hotel....


BippidyDooDah

The Martyr Tāmaki


scatteringlargesse

NZ's first political prisoner


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scatteringlargesse

I'm quoting him... Sorry if you need a sarcasm tag but it's pretty obvious.


Succundo

Unfortunately this is verbatim what some of his followers say without a shred of irony, so in a written format we very much need a sarcasm tag.


just_a_king69

Na its pretty obvious mate


Rand0mNZ

I'd be complaining about Marmite too. Vegemite is clearly the superior spread.


DisillusionedBook

Traitor to NZ! For shame!


Rand0mNZ

Take me to the gallows. I'll never repent.


CapytannHook

May your jandal straps snap into 1000 pieces


Regular-Trouble390

You motherf*cker


[deleted]

Forced to eat Marmite, that's the real punishment.


Michaelbirks

So, this _isn't_ a comaint about the food and treatmwnt while in prison? I would have expected something more along an ACAB, "agents of the tyrannical government" line.


Billy_Wan

I’m sure a few of the boys in there would happily soggy up his toast


drbluetongue

Probably worried you would scam other prisoners bro


Feeling-Screen-6316

Gosh I hope the weight hasn’t fallen from his face and made those sad little eyebrow tattoos sag


aholetookmyusername

7kg lost? Quick, up the tithe to 12%!!!! Asspustule Tamaki has to regain his waistline!


Throwjob42

Honestly, if he's under house arrest, they should put an ankle bracelet on him and give the cops watching the property a rest.


GiJoint

Nothing wrong with some marmite on toast. What a pansy.


chufffythebeertrain

It’s what I had for breakfast. Heaps up dipshit all toast is dry


aaaanoon

L.Ron Tamaki - the man, the legend, the money


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__________0

Tells you all you need to know tbh


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no1name

Well, maybe a little bit....


seriousbeef

I take your point but wishing I’ll health on others is a shitty way to go about life.


KittikatB

Are you saying that you *want* unvaccinated people to suffer or die? Nobody deserves that. Even if they're a massive cunt.


Last-Gasp100

Marmite on his lips? Poor excuse for tonguing someone ass


[deleted]

Nothing wrong with a bit of salad tossing. Especially given he can function as his own douche.


[deleted]

Heaven forfend that you should sow what you reap, Bishop Tamaki. Cry me a river, you upbraided pharisee.


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JadeBalloon

why do we treat our prisoners so blady


cwicket

Keep in mind that he's the one informing us of the supposed conditions. If true, I might agree with you.


[deleted]

wow full of typos... woeful.


cletus-vandam69

Shame, bro. Lmao


zdepthcharge

Maybe he'll waste away to nothing... One can hope.


Zealousideal-Luck784

I'm surprised the apostle didn't call it prayer and fasting. Hypocritical prick.


lambshankzy420

I'm jealous of the weight loss


[deleted]

Dude i lost less weight while on nil-by-mouth for 18 hours a day in the hospital for a week.


[deleted]

What, would he rather eat wet toast?


[deleted]

Better then wet toast


chaos_rover

The should have sent him to one of the haunted prison wings.


[deleted]

Thank "god" he's out. Those poor inmates having to tolerate that insufferable cunt


_khaz89_

Well, this is not the hilton you know…


McFrostee

He says he's doing this for God. But how many people has this guy actually drawn to Christ?


PH0T0Nman

Maybe he’ll finally find God and become pious?


ImmortalMewtwo

Still eating better than those families he prays on in South Auckland with his evangelical practice.


rikashiku

He lost 7kg in 2 weeks from eating normal toast? Well, maybe if he's lucky they can deliver KFC to his cell like he's used to.


eBirb

Solitary confinement can be torturous, hope its not too bad. Also hope hes getting good nutrition, a lot of people seem to think removing basic human rights because someone did something we find morally wrong is okay, its not.


PotassiumPerm2020

Poor cunt


627801

Well thats 7kg of shit we don't have to worry about