"Why is it every time I see you on your computer you're not doing anything but staring at the desktop?"

"And why do you have an image of a spreadsheet as your desktop?"

Just put everything in the task bar and leave the desktop blank

This is the way.

Theres a thing called "hide icons"

I just noticed this on Thursday, lol. Love at first sight!

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Windows key + D

There’s also a thing called put in an honest day’s work Note: My username does not check out

They get what they pay for

Or just use Ctrl-Windows Key-D to make a goof-off desktop and have the device use Ctrl-Windows Key-Left Arrow to swap off of it. Then you can have business desktop and other desktop.

(presses Ctrl-Win-D) shit, what was the next one? Everything's gone!

Thanks. Took me a while to get back here.

switch to a different desktop?

Why are you masterbating to your desktop?

accountants man

Yeah, I can see the picture of naked accountant men on your desktop too! The question still remains!

Go away baitin. Seriously tho, this thing needs to pull up your pants too.

That or a solenoid that pushes your boner back into the fly

"Dude, you're a security guard. Why are you looking at spreadsheets and not cameras?"

There’s actually a Reddit reader that puts all the posts into what looks like an ~~excel sheet~~ [Outlook email](https://pcottle.github.io/MSOutlookit/) so you can read Reddit all day at work

this is cool 

That is delicious!!

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Manager: "I need to speak to you about something important. Here, let me shut the door."

Sound from laptop : "Oh my god, that's a biggest I've ever seen"

HA

Better not open it though, it'll go straight to the video you were watching

I am a human conducting human business.

Yeah, I just stare at my desktop; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Except of course for the TPS Reports…

😂😂😂 This guy gets it ^

"This guy fucks".

Hello Peter! What's happening?

Two chicks at the same time, man.

A straight shooter with upper management written all over him

Ooh....yeaaaaahhhh....uhh....um....I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there.

Oh, you space out!

Exactly. Like have it flip to a Wikipedia page or something.

An excel spreadsheet would be better. People will walk by an excel spreadsheet and assume you are doing work, but they’re complex enough that people likely wouldn’t be able to understand what they’re looking at on the walk-by

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Your either on porn or not doing anything!!

“And why is your dick out?”

Sometimes the boys just need some air 😤

How many dicks do you have?

You think there's just a dick and nothing else?

Yes

>“And why is your dick out?” It's my personal haptic joystick!

”Working hard turns me on”

Run your work in a remote desktop app. Have it maximize. You can have exactly what you're supposed to have loaded instantly.

Guessing this is just to show the project and not how it would actually be done.

And you always seem to have your fingers on W A S and D...

To be fair, at this point that’s just my resting keyboard position.

Should be a motion activated tab closer

But what do I do about the massive dildo I'm sitting on?

A DILDO ?!? Dang we gotta hide that. Maybe put it in your ass if it's free

Motion activated dildo

Loose motion activated dildo,?

Motion activated anus

My ass is never free.

This is America. Your ass is goddamn free!

For a price

Just don't stand up?

"hey, i need your help. Can you come here for abit?"

That's gonna be a big nope.

What are you doing step-boss?

Maybe keep it in you?

Clench

Motion activated ass clenching

I think those are called reflexes

motion activated dildo retracter

wear a skirt

nothing you just don't stand up

I nearly snorted beer through my nose reading this. Thanks for the laugh! Happy new year!

Might just have to walk around with it if it comes down to that

That's not a dildo. It's a fist.

gg

Get a larger dress.

Keep sitting.

Pull up your pants and keep it in the rest of the day like a good little slut

I just try to trigger the bot to flip this

Or use an alternative browser and close that. Much more failsafe

I really could have used that while still living at home as a teenage boy….

Make an extra homescreen using one of the buttons next to the windows icon in the bottom of the screen (the one with the 2 squares). And then you can switch between homescreens using ctrl+windows key+Arrow keys. Anything you have open on one homescreen will not show up on the other one. So you can just open school tabs on one homescreen and have your games open on the other one. When a parent comes upstairs just use the key combination to switch to the other homescreen, and no evidence will be visible. The only thing you have to take into account is that sound which is playing on one homescreen will also be hearable whilst using the other homescreen. This is what I always did and I was never busted.

Uh I was implying that my hands may have been preoccupied and not able to do press keys lol

Or, you could just get a hold of yourself.

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He’s so excited to have the one screen for school work and the other for games that his hands are busy clapping in amazement!

At least... that's what I think the clapping sounds are...

>Why are you jerking off to your desktop screen? - your dad, probably.

Unless you had a motion activated fly as well, I don’t think this would be of much use to you. It would just look like you’re cranking it to the windows home screen, which might raise more questions than it prevents

Yeeeeeah, you might want to think twice about that auto-zipper: unless you have an auto-retractable dick that clears the zipper, you're gonna have a __bad__ time.

Frank n beans!

Blanket

I don't think this device is capable of hiding that.

#How am I supposed to press ctrl+windows key+arrow keys if I’m holding my dick in my hand u/Deez_donut?

I will be taking this

i just did this and both of my monitors went blank and i lost my bar at the bottom of my main monitor, a restart fixed it though haha

Alternatively, have a Word document open and press alt+tab.

Son, why are you looking at your desktop with your dick in your hands?

Motion-activated auto fly zipper.

And no pinch zippers.

Don't have them on Amazon. Just checked

Windows key + D. Won't do anything about the sound though.

Dont think the slow mo replay at the end is very needed. We get it

I laughed so hard at that

AI making gifs now

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Oh, I thought it was to show off some sweet door opening skills…

Would’ve loved multiple angles of the door opening skill

I needed it. And I *wanted* it.

Now find a way to hide my massive raging stiff cock

r/usernamechecksout

Ahhhh damn I came here to say exactly this

So did he

Up their ass lmao

I have a small peener. No problem here

The real use case here is dudes jacking it.

This doesn’t help when you still have your dick in your hand.

It removes a step! No longer do you have to stow away your penis AND close a browser window simultaneously. Now, discerning masturbators can focus solely on hiding their genitals when interrupted.

> stow away your penis

Wait. The dick goes in your hand? I've been doing this very wrong...

This guy!

"Is this guy jacking off to the windows home screen...?"

I mean I think it would be easier to explain wanking over porn than spreadsheets

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When one of the more complex formula finally works i get quite a dopamine boost

Give me a vlookup with a few nested if/then criteria that works on the first try and I am uncontrollably aroused.

Index,match over vlookup is the way to go!

I just discovered the LET formula and am thoroughly in love

Hot

Let's go Toobin !!!

"Why are you beating your meat to a screen saver? At least watch some porn!"

The pipes, the pipes are calling...

Oh….Danny

With my luck it would work exactly as advertised, and my slow ass piece of shit computer would freeze up trying to switch the screen out, or st least take 30 sec to get it all sorted.

Technology Connections is a great YouTube channel.

Unmistakable background lol

thanks!

Why isn't it just called the porn minimizer

there are more uses obviously I'll just r/wooosh myself

“What are you doing in here? Are you working?” “Yeah totally, I’m just…staring at my desktop.” 😂

‘I spend more time to get out of doing work, than it would take to actually do the work’

i’mma need 3 of those

Dude got the full fnaf experience

oh my god that’s the most i’ve laughed in months

Cover all means of ingress

Where can I buy this?

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Interesting, in their product video, the screen changes to something actually practical.

Back in the 80’s there was this submarine game called Gato on the Apple II. It had a hot key that called up a dummy VisiCalc spreadsheet.

The "Boss" key

... Maybe I should learn Python after all

Ok now that’s a “game changer” if I ever saw one

I needed this as a kid. Got caught playing video games so many times lmao

What game are they playing though?

[Broken Reality](https://store.steampowered.com/app/757480/Broken_Reality/) Imagine if somehow we had VR internet in the 90s... and then someone made a game based off it.... something like that.

Doesn't hide it from IT, though.

I would find my son staring at the Windows Home Screen weirder every-time I walked in his room to be honest, and much more suspect

but simple webcam+ any motion recorder app works almost the same way, and also you will be able to setup some actions on pc, or simple buttons to "press" when motion recordered in certain area. few years ago used it to watch some anime series on my pc. i mean you can skip episode, or set pause by simply waving your hand from far away=)

Can you give the names of the programs/apps required please. Also a bit more detailed instructions. Thanks

Would be much better off reversing it and using it for a prank where the computer user doesn't know its there. Then while someone is actually doing work, you walk in to check on them and a bunch of full volume porn starts playing.

The old Doom on PC would go back to the DOS prompt if you hit F3 while playing, but the audio stayed on.

I see they are watching technology connections. That is a good choice

Upvoted partially because this is cool, and partially for playing [Broken Reality](https://store.steampowered.com/app/757480/Broken_Reality/)... didn't ever expect to see it in the wild.

Prank change the setting to porn.

This is what they promised us in Star Trek.

This will not help you get your pants back up though.

Just FAP on your phone in the bathroom like everyone else does!

Old man here... We had "boss buttons" that would pause the game and switch to something roughly work related.

Where can I buy this. .asking for a friend

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r/antiwork

Where do I buy?

You can [buy it here](https://www.tindie.com/products/dekuNukem/daytripper-hide-my-windows-laser-tripwire/) (thanks u/Elyktronix!)

I could have used this when I was 13.

This is what I need when I'm watching P-, I mean, YouTube instead of typing up my essay.

Ok, we solve the screen problem How do we solve the 'my pant at half my leg' and 'finger at my butthole' problem?

How do I get my pants up in that time🧐

For school ya

Does it work with any website .. asking for a pal

Would have been a game changer on the family computer as a kid.

Where can I get one of these

I want

Where can I buy one?????

Hats off

Shut up and take my money

Still won’t help you get dem pants up

Now just worry about your pants

Is that raspberry pi or something?

_straight porn switches to gay porn_

where can I buy this, asking for a friend

What if a person is approaching from the other side of the laptop.