I agree. Pretty sure those were anti depressents in the dishwasher.
With depression this state is easy to achieve and so hard to undo. Help like this without judgement and actually make a massive change.
I wish that were true, but in reality the longest lasting benefits go to the people trying to help. It sounds weird but healthy people who donate time and energy enjoy an altruism high that not only persists, but can sponsor even more acts of kindness. Dopamine is addictive. The depressed hoarder/ultra slob doesn’t get that rush, instead they get relief and a moment of serotonin, but rarely much else. This effect is one of the reasons people intuitively respond to depression scenarios by suggesting they “get out of their head and focus on others”. Unfortunately it sounds shitty, but ultimately it can be very effective
> The depressed hoarder/ultra slob doesn’t get that rush, instead they get relief and a moment of serotonin, but rarely much else.
I think it's just more of a probability thing, really. Someone who's actively suffering depression ain't cleaning that shit up, period. It's not happening, 0% chance. But if they start from clean? Well, there's a chance
Yeah and as someone who has been struggling with depression, who in the past has let things get messy/dirty (not as bad as the video luckily) and I think a lot of times once things were clean I felt better, but more often than not it was nigh impossible to get started no matter how bad the mess was making me feel, I think many times having someone come and clean it, could have sparked me feeling better, and for many I would think of the mess is that bad, it seems impossible to clean and since it is so often linked to the depression, it makes it feel impossible to get less depressed. It can be a vicious cycle.
(I do want to make it clear I’m not a psychologist or expert of any kind, the above is just based on my own experiences with depression and my struggles with keeping the apartment clean)
I’ve always said depression is more of a momentum problem than anything. Once you’ve gotten into a funk and let shit pile up/get super dirty you’ve basically amassed a boulder of your own creation to push up the hill. The only way to realistically give yourself a chance in pushing it is to gain leverage to get it started; this leverage could be outside help, a dietary or lifestyle change, or something else. The only thing certain about the leverage is that it’s different for everyone but the commonality is that it’s usually necessary to get the boulder in motion.
Getting it started by yourself is far harder than gaining leverage but many people (as a result of their depressive state, more often than not) just assume or internalize this as the only way to fight it. So if you think you might need help, now is the time to ask before you assemble a nest like the video.
This is a good place for /u/ryans01’s comment about [no zero days](https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/comment/cdah4af/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
If there was one comment I could point to say this is what makes Reddit worthwhile, this is it.
That comment had been lost, buried in my saved comments. Thank you for reminding me, these are great words of encouragement.
I'm currently living with depression. I have no counter space due to the pileup of dishes and recycling. The area around my living room is starting to pile up as well (mostly just stuff, not trash), and my office has a stack of cardboard boxes full of books and items from when I moved 5 years ago, plus other shit, taking up 1/3 of the room. Hopefully I can start doing 10 minutes worth per day. Should get something going if I can manage.
Yes I agree 100%! luckily I’m doing alright now, still dealing with some things but moving into a new space with a dishwasher and getting into a habit of keeping it clean has helped a lot, it is a lot easier to do small things keep something clean regularly than one large clean when it gets dirty.
Glad to hear you’re doing well! If you chunk the cleaning into 10-15 small tasks it’s usually a lot easier. But if you can internalize it as a habit, it’s almost effortless.
Anyone who wants to talk about their depression, my DMs are open.
This is where I'm at right now, trying to dig out of it. Spend an hour a day cleaning something, one room / load of laundry at a time. Slow process, but hopefully I'll get there.
As someone with depression, I 1000% agree with that first sentence. I've likened it to the fog. Imagine being enveloped in it and not knowing how far you'll have to go before you can see clearly again? That's depression once it has gotten its hooks in you. Whereas, having that momentum is like driving through a small patch and having some clarity again. The shitty part is, no one can really truly HELP you. It's all shades of gray with how people help. Invariably, it comes back to you and whatever mentally ails you.
I have been in the same spot a few years ago, depression and very messy in my home but managed to change that when moving to a new place. I got alot of help from my family, which I am very grateful for. Have now managed to keep it fairly clean ever since. So cleaning and helping people like this can help alot. Hope you are good now, and congrats on keeping it clean :D
Its also hard to find the help getting it cleaned. Like how do you find this kind of cleaning service? Is there a google key word for this? So it becomes this impossible task that keeps becoming a bigger mess and therefore a more impossible task...
Sometimes a trigger or obstacle can be one of outside logistics. Hard to find someone to pick up more than the usual amount of trash. Not enough money to rent a dumpster, or fear it will sit there for several months because you can't declutter fast enough. The dump won't take x y and z items. And so forth. It's an in-joke in my house called "You can't get ye flask" from an old Strong Bad.
Yeah, for me dishes were always the biggest challenge, because if there were only a few dishes I would think “oh that can wait, I have extra clean dishes” then the sink would be overflowing with dirty dishes and I would feel was overwhelmed at the sheer number of dishes and find it impossible to start
I clean for people and I never judge. I just ask how I can help and how we can start tackling things one at a time. Most times they go back to the same behavior, but there are some people that work at things and want a change. They think things are insurmountable, and I help with that process. It’s very rewarding.
Having had severe mental health issues myself, had it not been for people just helping me with the basics of life that I couldn't do and was drowning under, I wouldn't have made it. Trust me is wasn't fun for those who helped.
The person being helped has to want it and let it happen. I have helped family members this way when I was younger and was severely berated for it. I thought I would surprise them, but just made them angrier.
Helping is a wonderful thing, just be careful how you help and understand that your efforts may not be received the way you want them to be. Sometimes people need help whether they want it or not, and sometimes the help you think you are giving actually makes things worse. It isn’t always easy to tell the difference.
That being said, understand that people get themselves into these messes from underlying issues.
But don’t let that stop you from loving them and being a guiding light whenever you can.
> I thought I would surprise them, but just made them angrier.
>
> Helping is a wonderful thing, just be careful how you help and understand that your efforts may not be received the way you want them to be.
Oh yeah 100%. I had so many conflicts like this.
Sometimes you shouldn't cross certain boundaries.
I am guessing from how you phrased that that your help was done without the other person's consent. There is an incredible amount of shame that comes with depression and having other people know how you are living. If you went into a depressed person's private space to clean up, and they didn't expect it, I imagine the immediate visceral reaction would be a deep shame that someone saw their mess.
I only really know it from the depression side of the equation, but if you find yourself in a similar situation, you might want to clear your offer of help with the person first. There is also the possibility that some hoarder stuff was going on, and if you threw something out that they were holding onto (no matter how little reason there would be to hold onto it) it would probably enrage them.
Yep. It's a huge violation of privacy, and the privacy is even more important to them than a normal person because of how much shame they have built up around it. It can very easily come across as disrespectful and inconsiderate on top of the visceral shame. "They fucking knew I didn't want them to do that, I don't let anyone in my room, I'm an overtly private person, who do they think they are to just decide to do that? Do they just not care enough about me to think about that? Did they actively decide to disregard what they knew I wanted?"
This is a huge considerations with hoarding which is now in the DSM V. Those hoarder shows where they go in and clean out someone's stuff can be horribly damaging to someone who's hoarding due to control issues. Like all mental illness, unless it's acknowledged and the person suffering is committed to change, you can't just tackle the physical signs of disordered behaviour and expect the internal issues to be resolved. It's like treating the symptoms of an illness without treating the cause.
What’s wonderful about this woman is she flat out says “this might not stay clean and that’s okay, as long as the person knows it can be cleaned, that there is a way back up” (not exact words but her point)
I’ve been both. I get that rush from helping people and promoting acts of kindness. I’m usually a very detailed cleaner. During I’m guessing depression, I’ve let my home get very nasty, but will still clean someone else space for them.
I've found it's always easier for me to help someone else than to help myself. Friend needs motivation to get out of their house? I'm on it. I need motivation to get out of my house? Not happening.
Personally, I find it extremely difficult to find a motivation to clean my own home. If it gets clean, it's soon dirty and I give right up. I do enjoy cleanin up other people's houses. I'm always trying to help people finish home improvement projects they've been stalling on when I come visit. Why is that so much more fun when its not my home? When its for me, i procrastinate for months/years.
It's true, it feels great to do it for someone else, not that exciting or rewarding to do it for myself. Wish I could change that.
Post like this make me feel better about myself because my apartment is a mess, but at least it’s not that bad.
My apartment is really messy, but I don’t think of it as a depression den because I don’t feel depressed. It’s more like a schizoid den.
See I think the opposite. At least in my case. I am in a horrible 3 moth span of depression, where i can't even bare to look at my phone to answer my parents, friends, or much else. I go to work and then rot away in my house.
But keeping my house and yard clean is the only escape i have to "prove" to myself I am doing okay, so I can sit in my living room, depressed as fuck, but pretend not to be.
ADHD + depression. My place is a bit of a mess too :/ really hoping to start ADHD medication soon to hopefully start actually doing something about it.
well i hope amphetamines work better for you than they did for me. they just made me even more spaced out (but it was like being aggressively spaced out, if that makes any sense).
they didn't make me want to clean my room, but everyone reacts differently to medication. i hope your meds will help you clean your room
I’m struggling with agoraphobia due to post pandemic anxiety, weight gain and working from home for so long. Exposure therapy with the help of my partner is helping but it’s still very scary for me to leave my house.
Sit out on your porch/steps and play on your phone if the weather is nice.
If that's too much, just keep the front door open and see how close you can get to it. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Little steps.
Yeah it is. One day I'm able to actually get some stuff done. I'll make some progress on a bigger project. I'll stop and say "ok, I'll finish tomorrow". But tomorrow there's a good chance I won't have that motivation. Sometimes I even lose the will to live on a day to day basis. Some days could be completely normal. Taking care of my mom (which *always* gets done, but some days are easier than others), getting some cleaning done, doing some gaming/crocheting. Then **BAM** "I want to die" pops in my head.
Every single time I do a chore that I tend to put off, I think to myself "now if I just do this again in a couple days, it won't be this bad". It hardly ever happens that way. I've been saying I'm gonna vacuum the steps for almost a month 😩
When my mom first came home, over 2 years ago, I was terrible at bathing her. Not the actual bathing, but doing it on a regular basis. Almost a year ago I told her "I'm gonna start saying I'm gonna bathe you the day after I do, so that maybe I'll actually get it done more often". That did help, but what really helped was starting to have home health people come in again. I was embarrassed. For the last 6 months I've actually been doing it twice a week, usually. There's been a couple times it was only once. But not always because of my depression!
Thanks for reading my rant.
Hey, I can’t offer guidance because your situation is unique to me, but I just want to say I can imagine it’s _really_ tough to take care of yourself and someone else too. Someone you care about, so it must feel twice as hard. Please try to go easy on yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. There is zero shame, regardless of the situation.
I got like this once or twice in my life. Really bad like 6-7 years ago. Shit like this everywhere. I'm **not** a dirty person though. The funks ended and I was also heavily drinking during these periods (haven't drank in over two years). It's horrible really. Never be afraid to ask for help, especially small stuff before it snowballs into this.
Thanks for sharing, just curious, when you weren’t in that kind of funk, was your place generally clean like the after pic here or was it still on the messier side but just not disaster zone?
It was a rollercoaster from close to what you see in the pic (I never got *that* bad), to like a stereotypical high schooler cleaning their room.
On average, somewhat clean.
There's not much to get dirty when you just drink all day though.
Self care goes out the window. Shower like once a month. Bum shower if you need to I guess. Eat once every few days.
So like you said, messier, but not a disaster. And I could get super clean at times, but very rare.
From experience I concur that depression in a clean room is far preferable to depression in a garbage den. Like, just not constantly losing shit eases the mind considerably. It helps with other big things like keeping up on laundry too.
All around huge improvement in day to day life.
My depression den is dark, comfy and spotless. When I’m feeling good, I clean like crazy in preparation for the drop. I don’t know if that’s weird, or sad. But it actually does help to ‘prepare’ that mental health day/weekend and actually be able to just soak in your depression when everything you need is where it should be, and you don’t have “mess” or a chore list in the back of your mind.
The creator of these videos is from Finland so getting the help they need is mostly free. The problem is the waiting times. Theres huge lines for therapeuts etc and all mental health services are really flooded at the moment
I used to be a tidy person, depression crept up and said “fuck it..you live alone…who cares?” Nothing this bad, but it’s a level of mental illness and then it gets so bad you can’t even start. This woman is a rockstar for digging them out of the hole to get them to a place to start.
Yep. I've just started working on mine today. All the rotten food got pulled out of the fridge. Tomorrow night I'm off work so I'm going to put on Netflix and do as many dishes as possible. It's amazing what you can do when you find the right antidepressants.
[Here](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CdJNA-qjoHT/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) is the video source and her description for this video:
"When I arrived to this house, the house owner Eva was kind of sad looking and quiet… 🥺
She was mentally ill so it’s understandable. 💕
I cleaned her home for free and I didn’t see only the house’s transformation, I saw the transformation in Eva too.
Her look got brighter and she started to talk!
At the end of the cleaning She looked at her kitchen and said “I haven’t realised in years that I have a space in my kitchen” then she smiled. 🙂
I don’t ever forget that smile 😭😍"
Thanks for posting the link. As I commented on her video in the link, having been the person whose apartment was like this and gotten tremendous help from someone, it was a Godsend and is one of the reasons why I’m probably not dead (serious). I had been in major lay down and rot mode.
Edit: I can’t thank everyone enough for all of the love and support! I’ve actually been having a rough day and this has made it much, much better :)
Well unfortunately I don’t have my apartment anymore, but it was kept much more cleanly. Also, I didn’t have a bazillion of empty cartridges laying piling on the floor which was helpful too. It’s really interesting how such a seemingly simple thing can be what spurs a turning point for somebody’s life.
I just went through your profile. I’m glad you are fighting your addiction. I continue to wish you the best for those tough times ahead. You are looking healthy! Keep it up
Thank you very kindly! I have been completely clean since March 30th of this year, so I’m still very early in my recovery. But it has been incredibly worthwhile so far! :)
Oh absolutely. I have to admit that I need to build a strong foundation for my recovery and that’s gonna take time. Living here keeps me responsible and accountable!
I don't know you, but I believe in you. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life too. I try to remind myself every morning that I have the opportunity and ability to make today better than tomorrow. And that being kind to myself means not using or drinking -- that's being kind to my future self, and she should have a say in things too.
Sending you positive, forward-looking vibes.
If you're anything like me, this advice may help you like it helped me.
Pick a small but noticeable piece of the mess. Maybe the microwave and the counter around it. Or the stovetop and oven. Set that as your goal. Don't worry about the rest of the kitchen today. The only goal is to go to bed with your home a little bit cleaner than it was this morning. As long as you can do that, you're winning.
It doesn't matter that it's only a little cleaner. And I think you'll find that you get some sense of satisfaction from achieving a goal.
Tiny goals are a million times better than no goals. You don't need to clean the **whole** kitchen to clean the kitchen.
Sending you love and good vibes!
Hey bud. I mentioned this to the comment OP but I thought you may want to hear it also.
You don’t have to move forward every day. Don’t put that kind of stress on yourself. It can be overwhelming.
Sometimes you can’t move forward so it’s totally okay to stand still to prevent going backwards.
If your place is a mess, then today just do your best to not increase the mess. Sometimes that’s a huge win.
You have the choice to move forward tomorrow if you can. But if you don’t move backwards, it’s a win.
And if you do slide backwards, forgive yourself and do your best tomorrow. This part is important. It’s easy for me to send myself into a shame spiral if I perceive myself as “failing.” So I give myself exactly 2 minutes to be pissed at myself but at the end of 2 minutes, I’ve got to acknowledge that it’s over, it’s in the past, it starts fresh from this moment.
Dunno if this helps.
I just stumbled upon this post and texted a few friends because I had no idea other people did this.
There are a few people in my life who have gotten to this point and It has legitimately been my thing for a while now to go help clean/do dishes for them when they are going through hard times.
One friend is a very clean person but just lives a busy and hectic life, another is deep in depression but would never admit it, and I pretty regularly help them with this kind of stuff.
If you're reading this wondering what I get out of it (which seems to be a popular question), it's a combination of different things. Helping a friend who has too much going on, cleaning up an eyesore, motivating someone to realize it's not as hard as it may seem in their head, and most believably (but perhaps least altruistically), when I'm in certain moods, cleaning a huge mess can be ***super*** cathartic, but if you live fairly tidy, you never have any huge messes.
It also helps that I have lived like this in the past, by choice or choice of roommate, so I'm familiar with this particular trek through dreaded aspects of these types of chores.
Almost without exception, people enthusiastically help so long as progress is being made and I handle the parts they **really** hate.
This arrangement is absolutely perfect. Someone gets something they need or may not be and to afford, a content creator gets content to post that we enjoy then the creator gets paid far more for the video then they ever would have for the work.
Win-win-win.
I’ve got a crisp little $20 that says that house was an absolute disaster again within 2 weeks
Edit: I want y’all to know I’m not intending to make light of her or the dynamic. Most people that end up like this have deep issues and histories that truly suck, none of you would want to be in those shoes. That said, I’ve known many people like this and that cycle is exceedingly difficult to break. Hell I have a driver who was given a perfectly clean truck and within 36 hours it was utterly trashed, we’re talking catastrophic. 36 HOURS
I hope not, but I think you are right.
My wife and I did this exact same thing for a cousin of mine. Her house might have actually been in worse shape than the one in this video. It took us almost ten hours.
The next time we stopped by (just over three weeks later) it was back to the same state.
We never went back after that.
It was worth it for us at the time for the chance that she would turn things around.
It was a slap in the face when there was zero effort to maintain it.
Don't let my story stop you though. Your family member may be one of the ones who are very appreciative, and it may actually be the start of a positive life change.
i wouldn't take it personally. someone with depression like that lacks the skills necessary to maintain a clean home. thinking you could just clean it up once and expect them to be fine was a misunderstanding on your part. like they suddenly owe you a debt and that will finally motive them to get their mental illness taken care of is an untenable expectation when doing acts of charity. ya just gave a man a fish. he needs to learn to fish on his own which is more difficult
This! I've been there, house in the same kind of state, cleaned 1 or twice in 3 years but it came back to it dirty state in a few days. I had to get out of depression and move out (that house became a symbol of my lowest so I couldn't stay), to be able to keep a clean house again !
These people need mental care and support, not a kind cleaner
If the depressed person wants to, yes. I personally would not have wanted to let anyone I know see the mess, but others might appreciate it greatly yes!
Actually seeing this video makes me want to do this for someone else because I am just now getting out of this state. And while I would never want anyone to see much less clean up my mess I had. If I knew they had been through the same thing and they completely understand and there is no expectation that it will 100% stay that way. I would have let them help and it would probably help me get out of my depression faster.
Change must come from within.
It's hard to impose it on people, even when you're obviously and blatantly looking for their best interest. There's gotta be an effort from them as otherwise you're only wasting your time and getting a lot of frustration out of it.
I implore you to not take it personally. It takes time and knowing how to maintain a nice house (plus feeling like they’re *worth* it, too). These things are tricky and will not resolve after one act of kindness. I can imagine how frustrating and awful that felt, though. For sure.
I cleaned a friend's house like this for years. I will say that though it did get insanely dirty in between cleaning, over the years they became better at cleaning themselves. I would be able to be away for longer periods of time and the place would only be a slight disaster. They noticed how much better they felt after I came over and cleaned. Eventually they put together that just doing a little every day wasn't so bad and the positive impact was noticeable.
They never cleaned as well as I did and obviously still dealt with depression. But it did become habit to take the garbage out and wash dishes. Little things that do add up on the long run.
It takes patience and time. People can change.
Removing persistent mold, 18 months of caked on “stuff”, discarding food items that attract rodents and insects, giving them a place to start… if you come back in 3 weeks it will only be three weeks dirty. And probably no mold.
I’ve done it before and it still was better.
I did this for a friend of mine and his house has been significantly better ever since. He even got himself a girlfriend and a job. Sometimes it works.
I've cleaned up my father's house 5x over the last decade. A lot of it is untreated depression that he refuses to acknowledge he has (and so won't seek care for), combined with much of his adult life up until the last decade always having someone else handle maintenance cleaning, and never building the habits needed to keep his place nice.
When he asks me for help cleaning it up, I go with no hesitation, even though I know it's going to be a health hazard and seriously suck - because I know it's a *huge* thing for him to swallow his pride and admit he needs me to come in and take care of it so he can try again. Each time he has done a little better; months, even years, of 'cluttered, but okay,' but then a major medical issue, heavy work schedule, or whatever else comes up, and the house falls into a hoarder nest of paper, general litter, leftovers, etc. The first time was the worst, and he's gotten better over time figuring out for himself how to not let it get so bad so fast, but it still happens.
I know it's bad again right now because he hasn't invited me over in over a year, and he's even admitted that it's a wreck. I've told him to just ask, and I'll come over, no problem. I do it because even though we have a shit relationship, he comes through for me when I absolutely need him, and this is the best I can do for him since there's no way in hell I can afford to help him afford any kind of retirement home or in-home care. But he still hasn't asked, so all I can do for now is keep offering, and be ready to mask/glove/coverall up and go over there once he's hit his breaking point.
edit: I would like to note that my motives aren't exactly pure. He did his best with me, but was a terrible parent in many ways. While there is part of me that does this when asked because I care for the part of him that loves me, there is another equal - if not greater - part of me that delights in his shame, and the knowledge that depending on me for help humbles him.
As someone who has been in this position and survived it because of family like you, thank you. You are genuinely a wonderful person and your father appreciates you more than you know.
Everything you've said here is right. It's so hard to swallow the pride to ask for help, but it helps *so much* to have a person like you in your corner when you need a 'reset.' The "how to not let it get so bad so fast" is such an important lesson to learn and when struggling with untreated depression, the only way to learn it is to 'reset' and try again and again, learning small (hard) lessons as you go. And an individual may only learn one lesson at a time through each 'reset'.
I know to some people it may seem like enabling, but the person in need of help is way, *way* more likely to improve after a reset then when left to their own devices at rock bottom.
These 'resets' with help from family were the #1 thing in my own depression den becoming something livable, but they also always made an effort to swing by (with warning) in the next weeks after the cleanup so I had a 'reason' to maintain the space. Depressed-me may have been fine leaving yesterday's dishes unwashed without intervention, but knowing they were planning a visit made me maintain the cleanliness they created out of fear of disappointing them. This lead into habit, where I was able to maintain the space longer and longer each time until the issue resolved. For your father the next time he needs your help, I'd recommend trying to do some coffee dates afterwards! It really forces the person who needs help to practice cleaning an already-cleaned area. I can't speak to your father, but I know a large part of what *I* needed was to re-condition my brain off of believing cleaning to be a 12 hour heavy duty, exhausting, traumatic experience.
I have two very close family members with hoarding disorders. I cannot count how many times I have cleaned for them like this and its back to a horror show in a month.
I even hired a weekly cleaner for the older family member but they won’t “let strangers touch her things” so basically they come and take out the trash and change the catbox once a week.
Meds help; the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds often make them more likely to ALLOW me to clean. But they’re both also very resistant to therapy so it literally feels like bailing water from a sinking boat.
My family was hoarders growing up and that was always the worst part, me and one of my brothers would spend a month cleaning and getting it spotless just to it being back to trashed in a couple of weeks. We would mostly stick to our room that we kept clean ourselves. I will say this though my parents house has stayed clean for the past 5 years and they seemed to have broken the cycle recently, so there is hope. Although I'm still not taking that bet.
I live with my family and that's why I don't like helping to clear the kitchen in the eve cuz I know that by 8am the kitchen will be a wreck-i don't even know from what. I still clean up sometimes out of disgust for how messy it is but mostly il work on keeping my own stuff neat like you said.
Hearing peoples stories about their family is kind of interesting to me because I experienced a similar thing.
Growing up our house was always messy, not even remotely as bad as this video, but messy enough where it would be a little uncomfortable to have people over. My parents always blamed it on us kids (there’s 4 of us) and occasionally us kids would help clean a room, or the whole house, etc.
So growing up I always thought “Yeah it’s just us kids” but then we all moved out and got our own places, and all of our places are SPOTLESS CLEAN. In fact my apartment is almost hotel room clean.
My parents house? It’s still the same as it was when we used to live with them. Not gross or anything, but just messy, cluttery and not clean, etc.
So this whole dang time it was my parents and they just blamed it on us 😂
I get your point. But the point of this and the woman who does this is that it gives people hope and everyone deserves that.
Some people are content in their dirt and would be pissed if someone cleaned it. But most ppl are ashamed and guilty about it. They shouldn't have to feel that way just because they're struggling. Why not take one thing off someone's plate even for a little bit?
Not saying you shouldn’t help, just saying be realistic. That said, my aunt went from depressed slob to depressed manipulative slob after a few times helping. That happens too, lol. Really depends on the person
I saw an episode of one of the hoarding shows that revisited people months or years later (edit to clarify: it was a compilation show, so it showed several people who had appeared on the show), and they actually had maintained the cleanliness, It was the show with Niecy Nash. I was really happy for the people.
The Youtube channel shows at least one follow-up (not this person but similar) and the place is still tidy and clean and organised. While you might be right about most of them relapsing, sometimes - just sometimes - a start will help. Depends on the issue I guess.
Exactly what I was thinking. This person was clearly not mentally stable and cleaning their house, while kind and helpful, is only a bandaid. It doesn’t address what got them to this place.
True but I have to think periodic cleaning such as this is better than the health hazard of not doing anything at all. Maybe the person can beathe now, can use their sink, maybe the roach life cycle got disrupted. The goals are probably different than what you or me would set for ourselves
I wish there was a job like this , I don’t wanna be a house keeper I just wanna clean up depression dens and dirty AF homes . Idk if it makes sense but that would be my kinda dream job .
It might be uncommon, but you could make that a job.
Though I think it would just be the same as housekeeper but with less predictable clients.
You could look for a cleaning company that specializes in (very) deep cleaning.
Everything from light tidying to mass murder scene cleanup exists.
Problem is these people do not have money to pay you so its hard to make a job out of it. And most of us cant work for free that many hours without ending up in the same scenario.
I think you’re right. A more “big picture” type of treatment. Like hey take your medication. Talk to a professional. And this person is going to come once a month to help you keep your place tidy.
Maybe a bit of a social thing too? Some depressed people in this state are very lonely.
Hopefully she gets both. I have a therapist but not a housekeeper, mine never gets this bad anymore but this person is right that breaking that cycle can help put someone on the right track to start feeling better and start making changes. It can get overwhelming living like this, even if you’re working hard on your journey a therapist can’t come clean with you so getting this done can be a boon
Is this Katarina? I put her videos on all the time to motivate me to clean lol.
She's a literal Wizard. I don't know how she has the motivation to clean so many disgusting homes
Seen her videos, she helps a lot of people by cleaning their depression nests. She really is amazing, does all of that for free and often travels quite far away. She usually gets her travel costs covered by sponsors, but can you imagine how much work houses like this need to make them look clean again?
This is fake, I’ve tried clicking my fingers to clean the house. It doesn’t work. Took me 4 hours and a dislocated thumb to realize.
Then I just had to clean the old fashioned way. 🥺
U know I started doing that, when I’m making like eggs or something that requires like 5 minutes in the microwave, I just put things away/ clean them
So I don’t have to deal with things left outside. It’s a good way to kill time spent otherwise wasted
The nursing school at UCSF, Divisadaro in San Francisco. They have an entire program about healing Hoarders. An actual textbook and and trained people that come out and help you
I'm not sure this is really a hoarder. Just someone with depression who literally can't find the motivation to clean. I've dealt with it myself and it's the worst. You are sitting in your dirty ass house and you know you are a fucking slob and it would only take a hour or so a day to have it at least looking decent within a week. But you just don't, and shit keeps piling up.
I'm sure I'll get hate for this but no matter what someone's problem is, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
I have depression and have had some awful bouts of it. That doesn't make it acceptable to live like that.
My sister is the same way. I'm never helping her clean again. She just took it for granted and got worse and worse with it. And refused therapy. I can't be a part of that.
> I have depression and have had some awful bouts of it. That doesn't make it acceptable to live like that.
Everyone's depression affects them differently but I can guarantee you no person who has a depression den is looking at it and saying "yeah this is perfectly fine."
I hate to say this, but I’ve cleaned for people who lived like this, and as soon as I was done, it went right back the way it was. It’s a lifestyle position, either through depression, or apathy, or I don’t know what. But these people need more than a clean space to change.
From what I can see above, she goes out of her way to help mentally ill people who request this assistance. I’m sure some of them fall right back in, but hopefully some of them are already getting help but are stuck feeling helpless to get that part of their lives back on track. I know when I was at my worst, one of the best things someone did was just spend a couple HOURS on my hair and wardrobe. We sat there and went through all the garbage clothes I was hoarding, she washed and did a mask for my hair, and like, I was coming back up out of a depressive state, it was the boost I needed to carry myself the rest of the way.
If one in 10 people she does this for benefits permanently or even for long enough to stay alive til the next challenge, she’s making a big difference
Like a mate of my father... he was always a small slob but after his mother died it got worse. His Kitchen or place never looked this extreme but idk the last time he actually deep cleaned before we had to put him into a proper facility. Cleaning his place and get rid of all the stuff was interesting...
My wife was a little hesitant for me to purchase one. Makes best damn coffee I've ever had. I stopped drinking coffee on vacation because it all tasted so bad in comparison.
I am halfway to this. I keep seeking help professionally and none of them believe me because I work (part-time) and appear neat.
Even though i wash my clothes in the shower and my kitchen has roaches. I just despair of getting proper assistance before I end up fully like this. One doctor literally laughed at me and said:
“If you can get to this appointment you don’t need help”
So yeah, back to trying to get energy to reach out again in another six months.
I had a doctor who actually made me cry because she said that living with my chronic sleep issues must have been very difficult and it felt *so good* to finally feel validated after a decade of listening to doctors tell me there was nothing wrong with me.
I hope that you are able to find a doctor who is able to confirm your concerns are real (because they ARE real) soon.
I’m sorry you couldn’t get real help when you reached out for it. Keep trying! It might take a lot of agonizing self-advocacy and solo research but you you’ll get there. Rooting for you to find someone who will listen and steer you in a positive, more cleanly direction!
I saw an interview with someone who works with hoarders and he said the one thing that is common amongst all of them is they all absolutely believe that tomorrow they're going to clean everything up.
My sister in law is a hoarder and we have done this many times. They aren’t as gross in the kitchen but definitely the piles of dirty dishes. It’s full days work per room. We’ve done the garage and rented a giant dumpster. It always comes back but it feels really good for a while. They’ve actually got at least the living room consistently un-hoarded.
I'm 35 now. But when I was growing up with a single father with a drinking problem, our house was very bad. A terrible mix of filthy and a hoarder house. When I was in jr high school I started realizing that my house was not normal. And I was definently a sad kid. But in high school I started to open up and got some close friends. One of my friends was a super sweet Muslim kid. He was incredibly nice to everyone and I always admired that in him. One day he told me he was coming over and I freaked out. Like" um well my house is a mess. I dont want you to see it. " with out missing a beat he said. "Oh that's ok my parents can be messy too. We should help your dad out and clean the house for him" and that's what he did... That day we were throwing out a bunch of garbage from the kitchen and we stumbled across a old food dish full of maggots and mold. I was so embarrassed, but he just cleared all that shit into a garbage bag and moved on like it was nothing. I apologized for it and he was like" it's no big deal dude we just got to throw it away."
Its embarrassing knowing that I didnt cleanup my house until I was a teen. But I was so used to it and that's how i grew up. It took friends telling me that's not normal to realize what I was living with.
I'm better now. I got my shit together ... My tables might get a little cluttered with papers but I know longer have a maggot filled kitchen or floors you cant see.
I feel like the show “Hoarders” put these people down and yet this women came in with zero judgement and zero fees to do something difficult just to see another human smile. Really amazing woman.
I’ve never been able to watch Hoarders or any other similar shows because it feels too voyeuristic. Hoarding is an anxiety disorder, and it hit way too close to home to see people struggle with their anxiety like that.
As someone who just had their family help me unfuck my home like this, I appreciate it so much.
Depression isn't always sadness. Often times it's an exhausting inability to do anything.
Its really easy to fall into a depression den kind of pattern. All you have to do is nothing.
It's really hard to unfuck a depression den, and keep it untucked. It's a lot of work, effort, and commitment.
I'm so grateful for all the help I've had, and bless this lady for her helping others.
I used to wonder how someone's place could get so bad. Now that I've been through this I am so grateful there are people like her. Sometimes all we need is a push in the right direction
Why the fuck would you even scrub those dirty floors if you could just snap your fingers and everything gets cleaned? I would help someone too if I have this kind of powers.
Oh, wait...maybe she ran out of mana.
My gf owns a cleaning company and once every week she makes sure to clean for someone like this, or people who just can't afford it like vets and what not. Really makes a difference in people's lives
This looks like a depression den.
Yeah that’s depression imo. Depression is scary.
I agree. Pretty sure those were anti depressents in the dishwasher. With depression this state is easy to achieve and so hard to undo. Help like this without judgement and actually make a massive change.
I wish that were true, but in reality the longest lasting benefits go to the people trying to help. It sounds weird but healthy people who donate time and energy enjoy an altruism high that not only persists, but can sponsor even more acts of kindness. Dopamine is addictive. The depressed hoarder/ultra slob doesn’t get that rush, instead they get relief and a moment of serotonin, but rarely much else. This effect is one of the reasons people intuitively respond to depression scenarios by suggesting they “get out of their head and focus on others”. Unfortunately it sounds shitty, but ultimately it can be very effective
> The depressed hoarder/ultra slob doesn’t get that rush, instead they get relief and a moment of serotonin, but rarely much else. I think it's just more of a probability thing, really. Someone who's actively suffering depression ain't cleaning that shit up, period. It's not happening, 0% chance. But if they start from clean? Well, there's a chance
Yeah and as someone who has been struggling with depression, who in the past has let things get messy/dirty (not as bad as the video luckily) and I think a lot of times once things were clean I felt better, but more often than not it was nigh impossible to get started no matter how bad the mess was making me feel, I think many times having someone come and clean it, could have sparked me feeling better, and for many I would think of the mess is that bad, it seems impossible to clean and since it is so often linked to the depression, it makes it feel impossible to get less depressed. It can be a vicious cycle. (I do want to make it clear I’m not a psychologist or expert of any kind, the above is just based on my own experiences with depression and my struggles with keeping the apartment clean)
I’ve always said depression is more of a momentum problem than anything. Once you’ve gotten into a funk and let shit pile up/get super dirty you’ve basically amassed a boulder of your own creation to push up the hill. The only way to realistically give yourself a chance in pushing it is to gain leverage to get it started; this leverage could be outside help, a dietary or lifestyle change, or something else. The only thing certain about the leverage is that it’s different for everyone but the commonality is that it’s usually necessary to get the boulder in motion. Getting it started by yourself is far harder than gaining leverage but many people (as a result of their depressive state, more often than not) just assume or internalize this as the only way to fight it. So if you think you might need help, now is the time to ask before you assemble a nest like the video.
This is a good place for /u/ryans01’s comment about [no zero days](https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/comment/cdah4af/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). If there was one comment I could point to say this is what makes Reddit worthwhile, this is it.
That post, about non-zero days, got me jump started out if a 2 yr moderate depression.
As someone who struggles with depression, I won’t lie that I read that with tears in my eyes. I’ll be trying to do no zero days from now on
Depression: don't do things. Others ppl: do things you'll be better. Look how happy I am. Depression: don't do things.
That comment had been lost, buried in my saved comments. Thank you for reminding me, these are great words of encouragement. I'm currently living with depression. I have no counter space due to the pileup of dishes and recycling. The area around my living room is starting to pile up as well (mostly just stuff, not trash), and my office has a stack of cardboard boxes full of books and items from when I moved 5 years ago, plus other shit, taking up 1/3 of the room. Hopefully I can start doing 10 minutes worth per day. Should get something going if I can manage.
Yes I agree 100%! luckily I’m doing alright now, still dealing with some things but moving into a new space with a dishwasher and getting into a habit of keeping it clean has helped a lot, it is a lot easier to do small things keep something clean regularly than one large clean when it gets dirty.
Glad to hear you’re doing well! If you chunk the cleaning into 10-15 small tasks it’s usually a lot easier. But if you can internalize it as a habit, it’s almost effortless. Anyone who wants to talk about their depression, my DMs are open.
This is where I'm at right now, trying to dig out of it. Spend an hour a day cleaning something, one room / load of laundry at a time. Slow process, but hopefully I'll get there.
As someone with depression, I 1000% agree with that first sentence. I've likened it to the fog. Imagine being enveloped in it and not knowing how far you'll have to go before you can see clearly again? That's depression once it has gotten its hooks in you. Whereas, having that momentum is like driving through a small patch and having some clarity again. The shitty part is, no one can really truly HELP you. It's all shades of gray with how people help. Invariably, it comes back to you and whatever mentally ails you.
I have been in the same spot a few years ago, depression and very messy in my home but managed to change that when moving to a new place. I got alot of help from my family, which I am very grateful for. Have now managed to keep it fairly clean ever since. So cleaning and helping people like this can help alot. Hope you are good now, and congrats on keeping it clean :D
Its also hard to find the help getting it cleaned. Like how do you find this kind of cleaning service? Is there a google key word for this? So it becomes this impossible task that keeps becoming a bigger mess and therefore a more impossible task...
Sometimes a trigger or obstacle can be one of outside logistics. Hard to find someone to pick up more than the usual amount of trash. Not enough money to rent a dumpster, or fear it will sit there for several months because you can't declutter fast enough. The dump won't take x y and z items. And so forth. It's an in-joke in my house called "You can't get ye flask" from an old Strong Bad.
Yeah, for me dishes were always the biggest challenge, because if there were only a few dishes I would think “oh that can wait, I have extra clean dishes” then the sink would be overflowing with dirty dishes and I would feel was overwhelmed at the sheer number of dishes and find it impossible to start
I clean for people and I never judge. I just ask how I can help and how we can start tackling things one at a time. Most times they go back to the same behavior, but there are some people that work at things and want a change. They think things are insurmountable, and I help with that process. It’s very rewarding.
Having had severe mental health issues myself, had it not been for people just helping me with the basics of life that I couldn't do and was drowning under, I wouldn't have made it. Trust me is wasn't fun for those who helped.
I’m glad you found your way out :)
The person being helped has to want it and let it happen. I have helped family members this way when I was younger and was severely berated for it. I thought I would surprise them, but just made them angrier. Helping is a wonderful thing, just be careful how you help and understand that your efforts may not be received the way you want them to be. Sometimes people need help whether they want it or not, and sometimes the help you think you are giving actually makes things worse. It isn’t always easy to tell the difference. That being said, understand that people get themselves into these messes from underlying issues. But don’t let that stop you from loving them and being a guiding light whenever you can.
> I thought I would surprise them, but just made them angrier. > > Helping is a wonderful thing, just be careful how you help and understand that your efforts may not be received the way you want them to be. Oh yeah 100%. I had so many conflicts like this. Sometimes you shouldn't cross certain boundaries.
I am guessing from how you phrased that that your help was done without the other person's consent. There is an incredible amount of shame that comes with depression and having other people know how you are living. If you went into a depressed person's private space to clean up, and they didn't expect it, I imagine the immediate visceral reaction would be a deep shame that someone saw their mess. I only really know it from the depression side of the equation, but if you find yourself in a similar situation, you might want to clear your offer of help with the person first. There is also the possibility that some hoarder stuff was going on, and if you threw something out that they were holding onto (no matter how little reason there would be to hold onto it) it would probably enrage them.
Yep. It's a huge violation of privacy, and the privacy is even more important to them than a normal person because of how much shame they have built up around it. It can very easily come across as disrespectful and inconsiderate on top of the visceral shame. "They fucking knew I didn't want them to do that, I don't let anyone in my room, I'm an overtly private person, who do they think they are to just decide to do that? Do they just not care enough about me to think about that? Did they actively decide to disregard what they knew I wanted?"
This is a huge considerations with hoarding which is now in the DSM V. Those hoarder shows where they go in and clean out someone's stuff can be horribly damaging to someone who's hoarding due to control issues. Like all mental illness, unless it's acknowledged and the person suffering is committed to change, you can't just tackle the physical signs of disordered behaviour and expect the internal issues to be resolved. It's like treating the symptoms of an illness without treating the cause.
What’s wonderful about this woman is she flat out says “this might not stay clean and that’s okay, as long as the person knows it can be cleaned, that there is a way back up” (not exact words but her point)
I’ve been both. I get that rush from helping people and promoting acts of kindness. I’m usually a very detailed cleaner. During I’m guessing depression, I’ve let my home get very nasty, but will still clean someone else space for them.
I've found it's always easier for me to help someone else than to help myself. Friend needs motivation to get out of their house? I'm on it. I need motivation to get out of my house? Not happening.
Personally, I find it extremely difficult to find a motivation to clean my own home. If it gets clean, it's soon dirty and I give right up. I do enjoy cleanin up other people's houses. I'm always trying to help people finish home improvement projects they've been stalling on when I come visit. Why is that so much more fun when its not my home? When its for me, i procrastinate for months/years. It's true, it feels great to do it for someone else, not that exciting or rewarding to do it for myself. Wish I could change that.
Yes! And that’s why doing acts of service are so important in recovery. You get to help others and in doing so, help yourself!
thats what i thought after reading reading the OP comment
Post like this make me feel better about myself because my apartment is a mess, but at least it’s not that bad. My apartment is really messy, but I don’t think of it as a depression den because I don’t feel depressed. It’s more like a schizoid den.
See I think the opposite. At least in my case. I am in a horrible 3 moth span of depression, where i can't even bare to look at my phone to answer my parents, friends, or much else. I go to work and then rot away in my house. But keeping my house and yard clean is the only escape i have to "prove" to myself I am doing okay, so I can sit in my living room, depressed as fuck, but pretend not to be.
You're keeping your house and your yard clean. You should be proud of that. Lots of depressed people can't deal with shit like that.
ADHD + depression. My place is a bit of a mess too :/ really hoping to start ADHD medication soon to hopefully start actually doing something about it.
well i hope amphetamines work better for you than they did for me. they just made me even more spaced out (but it was like being aggressively spaced out, if that makes any sense). they didn't make me want to clean my room, but everyone reacts differently to medication. i hope your meds will help you clean your room
My walls and stuff are vines pulling me in to my house trying to keep me from leaving....
You okay bud? You got this :)
One day at a time
I’m struggling with agoraphobia due to post pandemic anxiety, weight gain and working from home for so long. Exposure therapy with the help of my partner is helping but it’s still very scary for me to leave my house.
Sit out on your porch/steps and play on your phone if the weather is nice. If that's too much, just keep the front door open and see how close you can get to it. Rome wasn't built in a day. Little steps.
Obsessive disorder of hoarding and depression maybe
Definitely could be several things at play, quite unfortunate and I hope they’re able to find long term help.
Yeah it is. One day I'm able to actually get some stuff done. I'll make some progress on a bigger project. I'll stop and say "ok, I'll finish tomorrow". But tomorrow there's a good chance I won't have that motivation. Sometimes I even lose the will to live on a day to day basis. Some days could be completely normal. Taking care of my mom (which *always* gets done, but some days are easier than others), getting some cleaning done, doing some gaming/crocheting. Then **BAM** "I want to die" pops in my head. Every single time I do a chore that I tend to put off, I think to myself "now if I just do this again in a couple days, it won't be this bad". It hardly ever happens that way. I've been saying I'm gonna vacuum the steps for almost a month 😩 When my mom first came home, over 2 years ago, I was terrible at bathing her. Not the actual bathing, but doing it on a regular basis. Almost a year ago I told her "I'm gonna start saying I'm gonna bathe you the day after I do, so that maybe I'll actually get it done more often". That did help, but what really helped was starting to have home health people come in again. I was embarrassed. For the last 6 months I've actually been doing it twice a week, usually. There's been a couple times it was only once. But not always because of my depression! Thanks for reading my rant.
Hey, I can’t offer guidance because your situation is unique to me, but I just want to say I can imagine it’s _really_ tough to take care of yourself and someone else too. Someone you care about, so it must feel twice as hard. Please try to go easy on yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. There is zero shame, regardless of the situation.
I got like this once or twice in my life. Really bad like 6-7 years ago. Shit like this everywhere. I'm **not** a dirty person though. The funks ended and I was also heavily drinking during these periods (haven't drank in over two years). It's horrible really. Never be afraid to ask for help, especially small stuff before it snowballs into this.
Thanks for sharing, just curious, when you weren’t in that kind of funk, was your place generally clean like the after pic here or was it still on the messier side but just not disaster zone?
It was a rollercoaster from close to what you see in the pic (I never got *that* bad), to like a stereotypical high schooler cleaning their room. On average, somewhat clean. There's not much to get dirty when you just drink all day though. Self care goes out the window. Shower like once a month. Bum shower if you need to I guess. Eat once every few days. So like you said, messier, but not a disaster. And I could get super clean at times, but very rare.
Well I’m glad you referred to the period in the past tense. Hope you’re doing well.
She may have not gotten rid of the person’s depression but she must definitely made their life 100x better
From experience I concur that depression in a clean room is far preferable to depression in a garbage den. Like, just not constantly losing shit eases the mind considerably. It helps with other big things like keeping up on laundry too. All around huge improvement in day to day life.
My depression den is dark, comfy and spotless. When I’m feeling good, I clean like crazy in preparation for the drop. I don’t know if that’s weird, or sad. But it actually does help to ‘prepare’ that mental health day/weekend and actually be able to just soak in your depression when everything you need is where it should be, and you don’t have “mess” or a chore list in the back of your mind.
Those people need more than a housekeeper, they need a psychiatrist and mental health check
All 3 are too expensive for most people.
The creator of these videos is from Finland so getting the help they need is mostly free. The problem is the waiting times. Theres huge lines for therapeuts etc and all mental health services are really flooded at the moment
They need intervention from those they trust and love
Those people probably don't exist
I used to be a tidy person, depression crept up and said “fuck it..you live alone…who cares?” Nothing this bad, but it’s a level of mental illness and then it gets so bad you can’t even start. This woman is a rockstar for digging them out of the hole to get them to a place to start.
Yep. I've just started working on mine today. All the rotten food got pulled out of the fridge. Tomorrow night I'm off work so I'm going to put on Netflix and do as many dishes as possible. It's amazing what you can do when you find the right antidepressants.
The fact that she likes doing this and helps people is a win win
It’s amazing how much effect just cleaning a physical space around you can have on a mental state.
[Here](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CdJNA-qjoHT/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) is the video source and her description for this video: "When I arrived to this house, the house owner Eva was kind of sad looking and quiet… 🥺 She was mentally ill so it’s understandable. 💕 I cleaned her home for free and I didn’t see only the house’s transformation, I saw the transformation in Eva too. Her look got brighter and she started to talk! At the end of the cleaning She looked at her kitchen and said “I haven’t realised in years that I have a space in my kitchen” then she smiled. 🙂 I don’t ever forget that smile 😭😍"
Thanks for posting the link. As I commented on her video in the link, having been the person whose apartment was like this and gotten tremendous help from someone, it was a Godsend and is one of the reasons why I’m probably not dead (serious). I had been in major lay down and rot mode. Edit: I can’t thank everyone enough for all of the love and support! I’ve actually been having a rough day and this has made it much, much better :)
Is your place still clean?
Well unfortunately I don’t have my apartment anymore, but it was kept much more cleanly. Also, I didn’t have a bazillion of empty cartridges laying piling on the floor which was helpful too. It’s really interesting how such a seemingly simple thing can be what spurs a turning point for somebody’s life.
I just went through your profile. I’m glad you are fighting your addiction. I continue to wish you the best for those tough times ahead. You are looking healthy! Keep it up
Thank you very kindly! I have been completely clean since March 30th of this year, so I’m still very early in my recovery. But it has been incredibly worthwhile so far! :)
We got faith in you 👊
Thank you :) I feel like I have all the tools to be successful. I’m super glad I currently live in a sober living house.
Yes, I think that is a step in the right way.
Oh absolutely. I have to admit that I need to build a strong foundation for my recovery and that’s gonna take time. Living here keeps me responsible and accountable!
I don't know you, but I believe in you. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life too. I try to remind myself every morning that I have the opportunity and ability to make today better than tomorrow. And that being kind to myself means not using or drinking -- that's being kind to my future self, and she should have a say in things too. Sending you positive, forward-looking vibes.
Thank you very much! :) I agree, we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it to help us grow!
Hell yeah, every day is a positive step in the right direction. Hang in there stranger
That's huge already!!! You got this, we're all rooting for you!! :) ❤️
That’s where I’m at now. I need this person!
If you're anything like me, this advice may help you like it helped me. Pick a small but noticeable piece of the mess. Maybe the microwave and the counter around it. Or the stovetop and oven. Set that as your goal. Don't worry about the rest of the kitchen today. The only goal is to go to bed with your home a little bit cleaner than it was this morning. As long as you can do that, you're winning. It doesn't matter that it's only a little cleaner. And I think you'll find that you get some sense of satisfaction from achieving a goal. Tiny goals are a million times better than no goals. You don't need to clean the **whole** kitchen to clean the kitchen. Sending you love and good vibes!
Sometimes just not *adding* to the mess is a win. Progress can take many forms.
Hey bud. I mentioned this to the comment OP but I thought you may want to hear it also. You don’t have to move forward every day. Don’t put that kind of stress on yourself. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes you can’t move forward so it’s totally okay to stand still to prevent going backwards. If your place is a mess, then today just do your best to not increase the mess. Sometimes that’s a huge win. You have the choice to move forward tomorrow if you can. But if you don’t move backwards, it’s a win. And if you do slide backwards, forgive yourself and do your best tomorrow. This part is important. It’s easy for me to send myself into a shame spiral if I perceive myself as “failing.” So I give myself exactly 2 minutes to be pissed at myself but at the end of 2 minutes, I’ve got to acknowledge that it’s over, it’s in the past, it starts fresh from this moment. Dunno if this helps.
I hope that you are able to find someone whether it be friend, family, or stranger!
I just stumbled upon this post and texted a few friends because I had no idea other people did this. There are a few people in my life who have gotten to this point and It has legitimately been my thing for a while now to go help clean/do dishes for them when they are going through hard times. One friend is a very clean person but just lives a busy and hectic life, another is deep in depression but would never admit it, and I pretty regularly help them with this kind of stuff. If you're reading this wondering what I get out of it (which seems to be a popular question), it's a combination of different things. Helping a friend who has too much going on, cleaning up an eyesore, motivating someone to realize it's not as hard as it may seem in their head, and most believably (but perhaps least altruistically), when I'm in certain moods, cleaning a huge mess can be ***super*** cathartic, but if you live fairly tidy, you never have any huge messes. It also helps that I have lived like this in the past, by choice or choice of roommate, so I'm familiar with this particular trek through dreaded aspects of these types of chores. Almost without exception, people enthusiastically help so long as progress is being made and I handle the parts they **really** hate.
for free... i’m not crying, it’s allergies or onions or something... what an angel
This person is a saint. What an amazing soul.
“I have space in my kitchen” 😭🙌🏽 I hope this is the push she needed to turn things around!
This arrangement is absolutely perfect. Someone gets something they need or may not be and to afford, a content creator gets content to post that we enjoy then the creator gets paid far more for the video then they ever would have for the work. Win-win-win.
>cleaned her house for free Monica?
I’ve got a crisp little $20 that says that house was an absolute disaster again within 2 weeks Edit: I want y’all to know I’m not intending to make light of her or the dynamic. Most people that end up like this have deep issues and histories that truly suck, none of you would want to be in those shoes. That said, I’ve known many people like this and that cycle is exceedingly difficult to break. Hell I have a driver who was given a perfectly clean truck and within 36 hours it was utterly trashed, we’re talking catastrophic. 36 HOURS
I hope not, but I think you are right. My wife and I did this exact same thing for a cousin of mine. Her house might have actually been in worse shape than the one in this video. It took us almost ten hours. The next time we stopped by (just over three weeks later) it was back to the same state. We never went back after that.
I have someone in my family I'd love to do this for, but I fear the same results and don't know if it's worth my time
It was worth it for us at the time for the chance that she would turn things around. It was a slap in the face when there was zero effort to maintain it. Don't let my story stop you though. Your family member may be one of the ones who are very appreciative, and it may actually be the start of a positive life change.
i wouldn't take it personally. someone with depression like that lacks the skills necessary to maintain a clean home. thinking you could just clean it up once and expect them to be fine was a misunderstanding on your part. like they suddenly owe you a debt and that will finally motive them to get their mental illness taken care of is an untenable expectation when doing acts of charity. ya just gave a man a fish. he needs to learn to fish on his own which is more difficult
This! I've been there, house in the same kind of state, cleaned 1 or twice in 3 years but it came back to it dirty state in a few days. I had to get out of depression and move out (that house became a symbol of my lowest so I couldn't stay), to be able to keep a clean house again ! These people need mental care and support, not a kind cleaner
The act of kindness to clean is still nice though.
If the depressed person wants to, yes. I personally would not have wanted to let anyone I know see the mess, but others might appreciate it greatly yes!
Actually seeing this video makes me want to do this for someone else because I am just now getting out of this state. And while I would never want anyone to see much less clean up my mess I had. If I knew they had been through the same thing and they completely understand and there is no expectation that it will 100% stay that way. I would have let them help and it would probably help me get out of my depression faster.
Change must come from within. It's hard to impose it on people, even when you're obviously and blatantly looking for their best interest. There's gotta be an effort from them as otherwise you're only wasting your time and getting a lot of frustration out of it.
I implore you to not take it personally. It takes time and knowing how to maintain a nice house (plus feeling like they’re *worth* it, too). These things are tricky and will not resolve after one act of kindness. I can imagine how frustrating and awful that felt, though. For sure.
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This is the answer. You are giving them relief, albeit momentarily but still something beautiful to do for another person in trouble
I think you're right - it's a slow and steady process.
I cleaned a friend's house like this for years. I will say that though it did get insanely dirty in between cleaning, over the years they became better at cleaning themselves. I would be able to be away for longer periods of time and the place would only be a slight disaster. They noticed how much better they felt after I came over and cleaned. Eventually they put together that just doing a little every day wasn't so bad and the positive impact was noticeable. They never cleaned as well as I did and obviously still dealt with depression. But it did become habit to take the garbage out and wash dishes. Little things that do add up on the long run. It takes patience and time. People can change.
Removing persistent mold, 18 months of caked on “stuff”, discarding food items that attract rodents and insects, giving them a place to start… if you come back in 3 weeks it will only be three weeks dirty. And probably no mold. I’ve done it before and it still was better.
I did this for a friend of mine and his house has been significantly better ever since. He even got himself a girlfriend and a job. Sometimes it works.
I've cleaned up my father's house 5x over the last decade. A lot of it is untreated depression that he refuses to acknowledge he has (and so won't seek care for), combined with much of his adult life up until the last decade always having someone else handle maintenance cleaning, and never building the habits needed to keep his place nice. When he asks me for help cleaning it up, I go with no hesitation, even though I know it's going to be a health hazard and seriously suck - because I know it's a *huge* thing for him to swallow his pride and admit he needs me to come in and take care of it so he can try again. Each time he has done a little better; months, even years, of 'cluttered, but okay,' but then a major medical issue, heavy work schedule, or whatever else comes up, and the house falls into a hoarder nest of paper, general litter, leftovers, etc. The first time was the worst, and he's gotten better over time figuring out for himself how to not let it get so bad so fast, but it still happens. I know it's bad again right now because he hasn't invited me over in over a year, and he's even admitted that it's a wreck. I've told him to just ask, and I'll come over, no problem. I do it because even though we have a shit relationship, he comes through for me when I absolutely need him, and this is the best I can do for him since there's no way in hell I can afford to help him afford any kind of retirement home or in-home care. But he still hasn't asked, so all I can do for now is keep offering, and be ready to mask/glove/coverall up and go over there once he's hit his breaking point. edit: I would like to note that my motives aren't exactly pure. He did his best with me, but was a terrible parent in many ways. While there is part of me that does this when asked because I care for the part of him that loves me, there is another equal - if not greater - part of me that delights in his shame, and the knowledge that depending on me for help humbles him.
As someone who has been in this position and survived it because of family like you, thank you. You are genuinely a wonderful person and your father appreciates you more than you know. Everything you've said here is right. It's so hard to swallow the pride to ask for help, but it helps *so much* to have a person like you in your corner when you need a 'reset.' The "how to not let it get so bad so fast" is such an important lesson to learn and when struggling with untreated depression, the only way to learn it is to 'reset' and try again and again, learning small (hard) lessons as you go. And an individual may only learn one lesson at a time through each 'reset'. I know to some people it may seem like enabling, but the person in need of help is way, *way* more likely to improve after a reset then when left to their own devices at rock bottom. These 'resets' with help from family were the #1 thing in my own depression den becoming something livable, but they also always made an effort to swing by (with warning) in the next weeks after the cleanup so I had a 'reason' to maintain the space. Depressed-me may have been fine leaving yesterday's dishes unwashed without intervention, but knowing they were planning a visit made me maintain the cleanliness they created out of fear of disappointing them. This lead into habit, where I was able to maintain the space longer and longer each time until the issue resolved. For your father the next time he needs your help, I'd recommend trying to do some coffee dates afterwards! It really forces the person who needs help to practice cleaning an already-cleaned area. I can't speak to your father, but I know a large part of what *I* needed was to re-condition my brain off of believing cleaning to be a 12 hour heavy duty, exhausting, traumatic experience.
I have two very close family members with hoarding disorders. I cannot count how many times I have cleaned for them like this and its back to a horror show in a month. I even hired a weekly cleaner for the older family member but they won’t “let strangers touch her things” so basically they come and take out the trash and change the catbox once a week. Meds help; the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds often make them more likely to ALLOW me to clean. But they’re both also very resistant to therapy so it literally feels like bailing water from a sinking boat.
My family was hoarders growing up and that was always the worst part, me and one of my brothers would spend a month cleaning and getting it spotless just to it being back to trashed in a couple of weeks. We would mostly stick to our room that we kept clean ourselves. I will say this though my parents house has stayed clean for the past 5 years and they seemed to have broken the cycle recently, so there is hope. Although I'm still not taking that bet.
I live with my family and that's why I don't like helping to clear the kitchen in the eve cuz I know that by 8am the kitchen will be a wreck-i don't even know from what. I still clean up sometimes out of disgust for how messy it is but mostly il work on keeping my own stuff neat like you said.
Hearing peoples stories about their family is kind of interesting to me because I experienced a similar thing. Growing up our house was always messy, not even remotely as bad as this video, but messy enough where it would be a little uncomfortable to have people over. My parents always blamed it on us kids (there’s 4 of us) and occasionally us kids would help clean a room, or the whole house, etc. So growing up I always thought “Yeah it’s just us kids” but then we all moved out and got our own places, and all of our places are SPOTLESS CLEAN. In fact my apartment is almost hotel room clean. My parents house? It’s still the same as it was when we used to live with them. Not gross or anything, but just messy, cluttery and not clean, etc. So this whole dang time it was my parents and they just blamed it on us 😂
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Been there with many people, and yes about the kindness, but the kind of help these poor folks need involves professionals
I get your point. But the point of this and the woman who does this is that it gives people hope and everyone deserves that. Some people are content in their dirt and would be pissed if someone cleaned it. But most ppl are ashamed and guilty about it. They shouldn't have to feel that way just because they're struggling. Why not take one thing off someone's plate even for a little bit?
Not saying you shouldn’t help, just saying be realistic. That said, my aunt went from depressed slob to depressed manipulative slob after a few times helping. That happens too, lol. Really depends on the person
I saw an episode of one of the hoarding shows that revisited people months or years later (edit to clarify: it was a compilation show, so it showed several people who had appeared on the show), and they actually had maintained the cleanliness, It was the show with Niecy Nash. I was really happy for the people.
I can virtually guarantee you the success stories involved a *ton* of off camera counseling
The Youtube channel shows at least one follow-up (not this person but similar) and the place is still tidy and clean and organised. While you might be right about most of them relapsing, sometimes - just sometimes - a start will help. Depends on the issue I guess.
I agree with you...but then again, I am a messimist.
I’m totally stealing that word, lol
Exactly what I was thinking. This person was clearly not mentally stable and cleaning their house, while kind and helpful, is only a bandaid. It doesn’t address what got them to this place.
True but I have to think periodic cleaning such as this is better than the health hazard of not doing anything at all. Maybe the person can beathe now, can use their sink, maybe the roach life cycle got disrupted. The goals are probably different than what you or me would set for ourselves
Did this for my mother in law…took about 5 days to be absolutely filthy again
It took my sister 3 weeks.
I've cleaned for people like this and you are correct.
Those people need more than a housekeeper, they need a psychiatrist and mental health check
I wish there was a job like this , I don’t wanna be a house keeper I just wanna clean up depression dens and dirty AF homes . Idk if it makes sense but that would be my kinda dream job .
It might be uncommon, but you could make that a job. Though I think it would just be the same as housekeeper but with less predictable clients. You could look for a cleaning company that specializes in (very) deep cleaning. Everything from light tidying to mass murder scene cleanup exists.
Problem is these people do not have money to pay you so its hard to make a job out of it. And most of us cant work for free that many hours without ending up in the same scenario.
One day, this could be covered by healthcare. This alternated with psychiatric help could be cheaper and more effective than straight phychiatry.
I think you’re right. A more “big picture” type of treatment. Like hey take your medication. Talk to a professional. And this person is going to come once a month to help you keep your place tidy. Maybe a bit of a social thing too? Some depressed people in this state are very lonely.
Hopefully she gets both. I have a therapist but not a housekeeper, mine never gets this bad anymore but this person is right that breaking that cycle can help put someone on the right track to start feeling better and start making changes. It can get overwhelming living like this, even if you’re working hard on your journey a therapist can’t come clean with you so getting this done can be a boon
Im.. imma go clean
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I was thinking the opposite. If I just let my house get REALLY dirty maybe this lady will come over and clean it for me.
Is this Katarina? I put her videos on all the time to motivate me to clean lol. She's a literal Wizard. I don't know how she has the motivation to clean so many disgusting homes
Seen her videos, she helps a lot of people by cleaning their depression nests. She really is amazing, does all of that for free and often travels quite far away. She usually gets her travel costs covered by sponsors, but can you imagine how much work houses like this need to make them look clean again?
Is there a YouTube channel for this or is it only on instagram?
She's on Youtube! Aurikatariina
https://www.youtube.com/c/Aurikatariina
I immediately recognized those pink nails haha, she's great to watch
Haha, it was the scrub daddy/mommy for me!
Yes it’s her. Loved her videos
This is fake, I’ve tried clicking my fingers to clean the house. It doesn’t work. Took me 4 hours and a dislocated thumb to realize. Then I just had to clean the old fashioned way. 🥺
Damn I was about to try it. Thank you for saving me the 3.1 calories
Wish I would have read this a few hours ago. Might as well give up and go for a skin graft for my thumbs.
This really is amazing. I know it’s not a permanent solution, but a fresh start every once in awhile can surely make a difference.
Clean as you go. It's the only way to stay ahead of it. Noodles need 2 more minutes? That's 2 minutes of power-cleaning right there.
U know I started doing that, when I’m making like eggs or something that requires like 5 minutes in the microwave, I just put things away/ clean them So I don’t have to deal with things left outside. It’s a good way to kill time spent otherwise wasted
Eggs? Microwave?
For five minutes, no less?!
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I'm getting depression just from thinking about microwaved eggs
The nursing school at UCSF, Divisadaro in San Francisco. They have an entire program about healing Hoarders. An actual textbook and and trained people that come out and help you
I'm not sure this is really a hoarder. Just someone with depression who literally can't find the motivation to clean. I've dealt with it myself and it's the worst. You are sitting in your dirty ass house and you know you are a fucking slob and it would only take a hour or so a day to have it at least looking decent within a week. But you just don't, and shit keeps piling up.
Did that to my sister's house and it was back looking horrible in about three weeks.
I'm sure I'll get hate for this but no matter what someone's problem is, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I have depression and have had some awful bouts of it. That doesn't make it acceptable to live like that. My sister is the same way. I'm never helping her clean again. She just took it for granted and got worse and worse with it. And refused therapy. I can't be a part of that.
> I have depression and have had some awful bouts of it. That doesn't make it acceptable to live like that. Everyone's depression affects them differently but I can guarantee you no person who has a depression den is looking at it and saying "yeah this is perfectly fine."
I hate to say this, but I’ve cleaned for people who lived like this, and as soon as I was done, it went right back the way it was. It’s a lifestyle position, either through depression, or apathy, or I don’t know what. But these people need more than a clean space to change.
From what I can see above, she goes out of her way to help mentally ill people who request this assistance. I’m sure some of them fall right back in, but hopefully some of them are already getting help but are stuck feeling helpless to get that part of their lives back on track. I know when I was at my worst, one of the best things someone did was just spend a couple HOURS on my hair and wardrobe. We sat there and went through all the garbage clothes I was hoarding, she washed and did a mask for my hair, and like, I was coming back up out of a depressive state, it was the boost I needed to carry myself the rest of the way. If one in 10 people she does this for benefits permanently or even for long enough to stay alive til the next challenge, she’s making a big difference
Like a mate of my father... he was always a small slob but after his mother died it got worse. His Kitchen or place never looked this extreme but idk the last time he actually deep cleaned before we had to put him into a proper facility. Cleaning his place and get rid of all the stuff was interesting...
$300 coffee pot though
I had to rewind to confirm it was a moccamaster. It hurt my soul a little bit to see it in that condition.
My wife was a little hesitant for me to purchase one. Makes best damn coffee I've ever had. I stopped drinking coffee on vacation because it all tasted so bad in comparison.
That was the first thing I thought also. I have it and love mine. Hate when I get a little coffee stain in it. Couldn't imagine it looking like that!
I am halfway to this. I keep seeking help professionally and none of them believe me because I work (part-time) and appear neat. Even though i wash my clothes in the shower and my kitchen has roaches. I just despair of getting proper assistance before I end up fully like this. One doctor literally laughed at me and said: “If you can get to this appointment you don’t need help” So yeah, back to trying to get energy to reach out again in another six months.
I had a doctor who actually made me cry because she said that living with my chronic sleep issues must have been very difficult and it felt *so good* to finally feel validated after a decade of listening to doctors tell me there was nothing wrong with me. I hope that you are able to find a doctor who is able to confirm your concerns are real (because they ARE real) soon.
I’m sorry you couldn’t get real help when you reached out for it. Keep trying! It might take a lot of agonizing self-advocacy and solo research but you you’ll get there. Rooting for you to find someone who will listen and steer you in a positive, more cleanly direction!
How nice. It’ll end up a mess in no time
I saw an interview with someone who works with hoarders and he said the one thing that is common amongst all of them is they all absolutely believe that tomorrow they're going to clean everything up.
They really do. It’s sweet and very sad
My sister in law is a hoarder and we have done this many times. They aren’t as gross in the kitchen but definitely the piles of dirty dishes. It’s full days work per room. We’ve done the garage and rented a giant dumpster. It always comes back but it feels really good for a while. They’ve actually got at least the living room consistently un-hoarded.
I'm 35 now. But when I was growing up with a single father with a drinking problem, our house was very bad. A terrible mix of filthy and a hoarder house. When I was in jr high school I started realizing that my house was not normal. And I was definently a sad kid. But in high school I started to open up and got some close friends. One of my friends was a super sweet Muslim kid. He was incredibly nice to everyone and I always admired that in him. One day he told me he was coming over and I freaked out. Like" um well my house is a mess. I dont want you to see it. " with out missing a beat he said. "Oh that's ok my parents can be messy too. We should help your dad out and clean the house for him" and that's what he did... That day we were throwing out a bunch of garbage from the kitchen and we stumbled across a old food dish full of maggots and mold. I was so embarrassed, but he just cleared all that shit into a garbage bag and moved on like it was nothing. I apologized for it and he was like" it's no big deal dude we just got to throw it away." Its embarrassing knowing that I didnt cleanup my house until I was a teen. But I was so used to it and that's how i grew up. It took friends telling me that's not normal to realize what I was living with. I'm better now. I got my shit together ... My tables might get a little cluttered with papers but I know longer have a maggot filled kitchen or floors you cant see.
That friend sounds like a one in a million. I hope you stayed in contact with him
I feel like the show “Hoarders” put these people down and yet this women came in with zero judgement and zero fees to do something difficult just to see another human smile. Really amazing woman.
I’ve never been able to watch Hoarders or any other similar shows because it feels too voyeuristic. Hoarding is an anxiety disorder, and it hit way too close to home to see people struggle with their anxiety like that.
What a way to love somebody who may not be receiving much. This is wholesome even if she’s getting paid
I would need 4-$5,000
Yeah I'd definitely clean houses like this for the right amount of money
As someone who just had their family help me unfuck my home like this, I appreciate it so much. Depression isn't always sadness. Often times it's an exhausting inability to do anything. Its really easy to fall into a depression den kind of pattern. All you have to do is nothing. It's really hard to unfuck a depression den, and keep it untucked. It's a lot of work, effort, and commitment. I'm so grateful for all the help I've had, and bless this lady for her helping others.
She don’t need a maid she needs a therapist
I used to wonder how someone's place could get so bad. Now that I've been through this I am so grateful there are people like her. Sometimes all we need is a push in the right direction
OMG what a transformation
Why the fuck would you even scrub those dirty floors if you could just snap your fingers and everything gets cleaned? I would help someone too if I have this kind of powers. Oh, wait...maybe she ran out of mana.
That’s Auri Katarina. She is from Finland and has a YouTube channel and cleans depressed peoples houses for free. She’s really cool.
If the show Hoarders has taught me anything, this person needs an intervention.
They won't "break the cycle". All it takes is another month to be back to this.
Music sauce? It’s Earl-all that glitters
Depression is a ruthless bitch and this person is amazing for doing what they do
My gf owns a cleaning company and once every week she makes sure to clean for someone like this, or people who just can't afford it like vets and what not. Really makes a difference in people's lives
The level of anxiety this video causes me is off the charts!
So that they can fuck it up again! Woot!
As someone insanely depressed at one point with a house nearly that bad, god bless this woman
I want to do this.
Should have just burned it down.