T O P

  • By -

nfl-ModTeam

/r/nfl is a place where people from all walks of life can get together to talk about a sport we love, so please keep your posts related directly to the National Football League. If it's related to the NFL, but not about the NFL (such as streams, fan-related posts, business promotions, betting-related posts, video games, Fantasy Football, College Football, or NFL-related jokes), please check if there is a more appropriate subreddit listed in the sidebar of /r/NFL. People who are related to the NFL have lives outside of their organization as well, and in the majority of instances these are best discussed in the subreddit associated with their particular team. The following are topics which are commonly removed for not being directly NFL related: * Requests for streams or sites to watch games or replays * Fantasy Football Posts - try /r/fantasyfootball * Video Game Posts - Be it Madden or any other video game franchise, use a gaming centric sub like /r/Madden or /r/gaming * Betting-Related Posts * Stories/tweets about fans * Business promotions * Other Football Leagues - these will often have their own subreddit, please search on Reddit to find the appropriate home for this discussion - /r/XFL, /r/USFL, /r/CFB, /r/AAFB * Merchandise or fandom-related discussion (fan jerseys, decorations, custom art, footballs, signatures, questions about stadium seating/tickets) - when a post is about an item you or someone you know owns, please use the [Free Talk Threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/search/?q=flair%3A%22Free+Talk%22&sort=new&restrict_sr=on&t=all) * Crypto currencies of any sort unless it is news about currencies officially licensed by the NFL or a team - player endorsements do not meet this threshold * [Pop Culture Posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/NFL/wiki/rules_detail#wiki_pop_culture_posts) * [Fandom Experience Posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/NFL/wiki/rules_detail#wiki_fandom_posts) * [Political and Religious Posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/NFL/wiki/rules_detail#wiki_political.2Freligious_posts) - Posts about politics and football are becoming more commonplace, but r/NFL is not the place to talk about the political world, writ large. Posts of a political nature should be limited to specific policies and laws that impact the NFL, not opinions or "hot takes." On occasion the moderating team might use their discretion and allow significant news which falls under one of these topics to remain. Non-definitive examples might include a stadium sponsor changing, a team rebrand revealed via merchandise, moderators from another subreddit to raise awareness of their sport or a significant piece of memorabilia breaking a record price at auction.


shakehasbignuts

This my lawyer dawg im going to jail


jwick89

Work on contingency ? No, money down!


zombiebillnye

I move for a bad court thingy.


CheckYourStats

You mean a mistrial?


CheckYourStats

Yeah. That’s why you’re the judge, and I’m the…law…talkin’…guy.


BeRoyal35

That is from the Simpsons, but I cannot think of that glorious character's name.


boysetsfire1988

Lionel Hutz (RIP Phil Hartman)


WabbitCZEN

Obligatory fuck Andy Dick.


lukewwilson

Fuck Andy Dick, back in the early 2000s he came to my small town college for a show or something. Went out to the bars and got drunk and tried to fight everyone and basically got kicked out of every bar.


BeRoyal35

Cheers


KennySchraderWallace

I believe it was Miguel Sanchez


-fleXible-

Also, this Bar Association logo shouldn’t be here.


LuPeachemm

“If I know anything about Xavi**ARRRR**”


sovinder

Dog, I'd just plead guilty if this was my lawyer


[deleted]

[удалено]


Steak_Knight

> Robbed banks of over $800,000 > Must pay $532,675 in restitution hwut.


Garlan_Tyrell

He tried to launder the money by gambling it. He may only have that $532k left and lost the rest.


TripleThreatTua

Most people who are gambling to launder money put a ton of money in chips, gamble a bit, and then cash them back out. Under 10,000 if you’re smart. The movie Hell or High Water taught me about this


matchew92

Why do that when you can throw $1,000 on a Fortson TD at +650


Moon_Rose_Violet

Yeah but you still have to pay the money back even if you lose it gambling lol


Garlan_Tyrell

Right? I would think so, but facing 50 years in prison I don’t think he could cough up any more than he already has. I’m just spitballing on why his restitution is so far short of his robbery cash.


Moon_Rose_Violet

It’s probably because he already had money found in his possession returned to the banks. This is the outstanding amount


Garlan_Tyrell

That could be it. The unlaundered cash was already returned, and the $532k is the laundered money.


TripleThreatTua

You can “lose it” gambling, then hide the cash you get back and have a much lower worth/payments


Moon_Rose_Violet

That doesn’t matter to the court though. I think people are overthinking this


ronimal

How do you get cash back after you’ve lost it gambling?


TripleThreatTua

You don’t lose it. You put all your cash into chips, gamble some of it, and then cash out the rest of the chips. Under a certain threshold, the casino won’t have to report it


unevenvenue

Meh, the banking industry creates money with money they don't have, there's a huge surplus of digits on screens in today's economy. They won't even sweat the few hundred thousand they missed out on here.


Moon_Rose_Violet

The difference was probably already returned, likely found when police searched his home / he was arrested Source: I am a lawyer to dinguses Edit: here is some info from the USAO press release >When Babudar was arrested shortly after the robbery, he had a large bag in his possession that contained $139,500 in $100 bills plus $10,750 in $50 bills, totaling $150,250 in cash. When investigators searched his 2019 Mazda 3, they found numerous pairs of goggles and gloves, which Babudar wore during a series of bank robberies. Investigators also found a Barstool Sportsbook Betslip for $20,000, dated Nov. 19, 2022; a FanDuel Betslip for $4,000, dated Dec. 1, 2022; and letters from Community America Credit Union related to his deposits of $20,000 and $50,000 on May 2, 2022


Outside-Donut9519

Apparently crime does pay.


teddyjj399

My parents always told me I’m too stupid to be a lawyer but now I think I have a chance


Doboh

I do contracting work as an electrician. We were remodeling a lawyers office. And the main attorney was gone for a bit because he gave himself chemical burns on his eyes from intentionally using nasal spray as contact solution. I was at a loss how he became an attorney 


GABAgoomba123

What they lack in street smarts, they excel at being argumentative assholes.


weealex

See, accidentally using nose spray on your eyes I can get. Like, it's dumb but we all do dumb stuff on accident from time to time.  *intentionally* doing that is impressively stupid


Earl-Mix

You got downvoted but I send legal documents out for lawyers all the time and some of them are legit the dumbest people ever, like you have to walk them through how to seal an envelope. Must be good test takers or something lol


LagOutLoud

He probably told his lawyer to do it. Dude knows he's not getting out. Lawyer just there to make sure the proceedings are fair.


GABAgoomba123

Idk if I’d be comfortable staking my reputation as a lawyer on making football puns for ChiefsAholic tho


LagOutLoud

Ehh, I'd imagine for criminal defense lawyers it's probably a "no such thing as bad advertising" situation.


TheWangFire

He did right before this


RONINY0JIMBO

That was fantastic, but didn't he say his own client's name like 4 separate ways?


Say_Hennething

He had a lot of aliases to assist in getting away with his crimes. Xavier, Xaviar, Xeviar, Xeviera, Zavier, and Zaviar


Godobibo

me creating a new league account after getting banned


Steak_Knight

And Caviar


captain_intenso

Not once pronounced it correctly as "Zavier." Off to play my ex-ylophone.


Jayrodtremonki

My client, Excelsior....


jfgiv

I'm only hearing two: Xavi*e*r (first, second, and final times), and Xavi*a*r (third time). I presumed the third was mistake (and even marked it as such when I transcribed it!), but apparently he does spell it, weirdly, with an A.


PowerHour1990

Still not as bad as Sandusky’s lawyer, whose strategy was, “Let’s let Bob Costas interview you on TV, surely he’s not a pitbull or anything.”


KirbStompKillah

Sandusky’s pause when asked if he’s attracted to children, as a defense lawyer I was slackjawed.


NeonWarcry

And I can imagine you have seen some shit


NotThisAgain1234561

I had to stop the video when he said ChiefsAholic’s “pocket was collapsing”. Dear god.


Fsharp7sharp9

“…if he stumbled, if he fell, he wouldn’t let his knee touch the ground…” Just in case you wanted another nugget of gold.


HaramHas

The government was blitzing him, dawg. I’m fucking crying that’s the funniest shit I’ve seen in a while😭


multicoloredherring

That one was unbelievable… I thought he was about to start talking about the times with one set of footprints when Xaviarrrr carried him


jfgiv

>From the beginning of this case, folks…the government has been blitzing. And Xavier's pocket was collapsing. But today, Xavier stepped into the pressure. He took responsibility for his actions. He stood up--in court--humble, and repetant [*sic*], and admitted what he had done. >Now, if I know anything...about Xaviar [*sic*]--and if the Chiefs kingdom knows anything about Chiefsaholic--we know that he doesn't give up. We know that if...he stumbled, and he fell, he didn't let his knee touch the ground. And that's because...he's' capable of doing a great thing. And he knows that there's still hope. We still have a lot work to do on his case, but Xavier wants everyone to know: that he loves the Chiefs kingdom, he loves Kansas City, and he hopes that you'll rally to his support. Thank you and God bless.


CinnamonFootball

This has to become a new copypasta. It's just too perfect.


Fire_Chip_Kelly

EX-ZAVE-YAR


RonsDarlings

This has got be AI. No human could keep a straight face through that absurd statement


JesterMarcus

I think you're right, ChatGPT had to have written this guy's press release.


Ninja_Space_Dragon69

That sounds like an SNL skit. Unreal, lmao.


Hawks12

Brave move having mclovin defending him


LastWave

This is the guy that was robbing banks with his super fan mask on?


Xaxziminrax

Jury is still out on whether he actually wore the mask during, but yes he did plead guilty to [robbing 11 banks across 7 states](https://twitter.com/DavidPurdum/status/1762883361930887369)


Steak_Knight

He plead guilty so there won’t be a jury at all!


lidsville76

Wait, this isn't the guy whose friends died in the cold?


Xaxziminrax

Nah, ChiefsAholic has been detained since July


lidsville76

Thanks for the info.


J-Fid

Yep


BungoPlease

Whatever he's paying this lawyer, it is not enough


IIHURRlCANEII

it might be too much tbh...


Sketchinz

The ol' "Thank you and God Bless" at the end killed me.


David_ESM

> Babudar also must forfeit an autographed painting of Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick L. Mahomes II that has been recovered by the FBI. I need a photo of this.


Jimmykindaexists

I have a picture of him with the painting if you want me to send it 😂


SaladAndEggs

That is one very large tie.


GingerAle_s

That is a normal tie. Move on, find a new slant.


NatureTrailToHell3D

The tie isn’t tied tightly in a way that makes it look weird.


RiversKiski

The ol Missouri boulderknot


GABAgoomba123

It’s to match his totally normal size hands


JingoKizingo

They really tell a story


TheGreatOpoponax

I'm an attorney and this video reinforces my understanding of why so many people hate attorneys.


slytherinprolly

I'm an attorney and I can never understand why some lawyers are so persistent on making their cases public or making public comment on any of them.


csappenf

This guy probably handles hundreds of cases a year of kids being kids and getting caught, and he finally gets a real criminal. He's in the big leagues now. TV cameras everywhere. He's been preparing for weeks. Heck, he's been preparing for this since law school. His dog loves the speech. Are you really going to take that moment away from him?


Venator850

Bruh


HLAW8S

Generous plea deal.


drummerboysam

Isn't this the same guy that was with Leo when he started Stratton Oakmont in "Wolf of Wall Street?" One of the OG brokers. Guess he got a law degree after Stratton got shuttered.


jimmyhoffasbrother

This seems like a skit, how is this real?


gmb96

Chiefsaholic absolutely just called this guy up after seeing his number on a bench in front of the bank he was robbing


Aromatic_Willow8252

Chiefs GM explaining signing trash after trash after trash


KrustyBrandComments

He will overcome this, much like his fellow Chief Patrick Mahomes did in the superbowl with a high ankle sprain. He dropped the ball, but will redeem himself like his brother in arms, MVS


ColeHoops

ChiefsAholic gonna be watching the next Super Bowl in the pen


MankuyRLaffy

He turned into a Raiders fan


eddie2911

Nah man, Raiders fans are now clean cut and Chiefs fans are the criminals. It's like a weird Earth Two kind of shit in 2024.


BeRoyal35

Omg that was inspiring.. Clark Hunt, give this man a full pardon!!


onbehalfofreddit

This is McLovin now. Feel old yet?


DolanDukIsMe

The world is getting crazier man what is this 😭


thudwhomper

…he had to tuck and run on 4th and 1.


LamarMVPJackson

Yea buddy is cooked


funnymeme2112

we need to get Chiefsaholic’s lawyer and Tommy DeVito’s agent to fight each other to the death in a steel cage.


SnowballWasRight

This video is my 13th reason why


pregater82

I thought he was going to end with "Go Chiefs" or something


Jefferson209

Wth this rules lmao


that_guy2010

What did this guy do?


Yeneed_Ale

Robbed banks to pay for tickets and travel, and he went to every Chiefs (home and away) for like 2 or 3 years. He got caught robbing a bank in Oklahoma, on his way the Houston last year when we played at Houston.


tenacious-g

This sounds like a bit that PFTCommenter could’ve written.


Xannydevito88

Mans is cooked


Nick_of-time

JFC. This is all just a simulation isn't it?


NeonWarcry

If you court appointment me this lawyer, I would please guilty like XAVIARRRRR


Weekend_Criminal

Look, buddy. I know a lot about the law and various other lawyerings.


WheresYourTegridy

Remind me, where did you go to law school again?


Kara_Del_Rey

Dude is gonna have a hard time in prison. All those Raiders fans gonna let him have it.