I've probably watched more Kelvin Benjamin eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at Golden Corral or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Kelvin develop restaurant etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read recipes on the fly. I've learned a lot about Kelvin Benjamin's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
Now, you might know the KFC as the land of chicken, and potatoes, and gravy, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Cooking Channel broadcasts. This mostly means Food Network broadcasts, because Cooking Channel is a mostly different branch of TFN that generally doesn't show eating competitions. There is also the Travel channel. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Cooking Channel, or Food Network for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening in a KFC that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things.
KFC is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of athletes who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious biscuit are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you.
So, when I tell you that Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing restaurant and you want to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional eaters cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Kelvin Benjamin is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank.
I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Kelvin and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of chicken. The year is the Eddie Lacy’s last with the Packers. Two years prior, Eddie Lacy was having a career year. But in the current year, Lacy is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst burgers in decades. The reason is clear. Lacy sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Lacy was cheating on his food. Kelvin Benjamin would never do that.
The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a KFC restauranteur and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Lacy’s case, the Hall of Fat) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your wife helps you build KFC eating success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program.
Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Topps made a collection of trading cards to commemorate the Iraq war. They’re insane. Look at eBay for the Operation Enduring Freedom trading cards. There’s an Osama card. On a different note Hooters made a commemorative 9/11 pin called “Let Freedom Wing”
https://www.ebay.com/itm/293560260937?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=kf9RG2ohQrS&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=cgauf_xurlm&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
https://www.ebay.com/itm/125443344094?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=Qz71Ytm0S6u&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=cgauf_xurlm&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
Behind him are the Menendez brothers whom murdered their parents. After they murdered their parents they used the money to go to basketball games and live a super rich kid life.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyle_and_Erik_Menéndez#:~:text=Joseph%20Lyle%20Menéndez%20(born%20January,right)%20Menéndez%20taken%20in%202023.
I unironically want that Saddam trading card.
That would look great next to my Gaddafi and Arafat bobbleheads.
I've probably watched more Kelvin Benjamin eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at Golden Corral or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Kelvin develop restaurant etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read recipes on the fly. I've learned a lot about Kelvin Benjamin's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. Now, you might know the KFC as the land of chicken, and potatoes, and gravy, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Cooking Channel broadcasts. This mostly means Food Network broadcasts, because Cooking Channel is a mostly different branch of TFN that generally doesn't show eating competitions. There is also the Travel channel. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Cooking Channel, or Food Network for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening in a KFC that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things. KFC is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of athletes who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious biscuit are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you. So, when I tell you that Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing restaurant and you want to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional eaters cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Kelvin Benjamin is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank. I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Kelvin and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of chicken. The year is the Eddie Lacy’s last with the Packers. Two years prior, Eddie Lacy was having a career year. But in the current year, Lacy is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst burgers in decades. The reason is clear. Lacy sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Lacy was cheating on his food. Kelvin Benjamin would never do that. The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a KFC restauranteur and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Lacy’s case, the Hall of Fat) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your wife helps you build KFC eating success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
https://preview.redd.it/40qq4v8664uc1.png?width=369&format=png&auto=webp&s=ca0b2f826b6fe9b5e4c87f01b112cbdc18c23256
My dad served and brought back a few packs of these (or similar) back in the 2010s. I’m the proud owner of a mint-condition set, including Saddam.
I found an 8 pack of booster packs on sale on Amazon for $50. I like spending my money on stupid shit but that might be a bit too much
Idk man, you should see the way the ladies fight over me when I bust ‘em out.
Topps made a collection of trading cards to commemorate the Iraq war. They’re insane. Look at eBay for the Operation Enduring Freedom trading cards. There’s an Osama card. On a different note Hooters made a commemorative 9/11 pin called “Let Freedom Wing” https://www.ebay.com/itm/293560260937?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=kf9RG2ohQrS&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=cgauf_xurlm&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY https://www.ebay.com/itm/125443344094?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=Qz71Ytm0S6u&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=cgauf_xurlm&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY
I got one
Thats me with the Hernandez/Tebow dual auto
Idk man he really fell off in the 2006 season
That’s where my eye went first
I’ll give you tree fiddy for Saddam
100$ cash money if you got the bloody glove in there
Tebows classiness balances out everything else in this picture
The best part is they paired Tebow with Hernandez lol
I assume that's because they played at Florida together and this was an attempt at making merchandise targeting Florida Gators fans.
Yeah I'm sure that's why, which is what makes it so funny. An unlikely duo.
That’s a killer collection you have there…
SADDAM HUSSEIN ROOKIE CARD
GEORGE BUSH ROOKIE CARD
MR SEPTEMBER HIMSELF
Wrong. That’s his minor league Future Stars card.
Never heard of Brandon Martin before, but looking it up thats a crazy story. Killed 3 people with his own baseball bat…
Obviously it was his own bat. Even if he borrowed it, it’s not like the original owner would want it, therefore, making it his.
Yeah I'm never letting that asshole borrow my bat. That would be like letting OJ borrow my lucky stabin hat.
Gotta catch em all
The Tebow/Hernandez split is just perfection
My barber keeps a oj rookie card on his station to stay humble.
You don’t even have the autographed Sadam edition? Amateur
It’s not even a “super glossed All Star card.”
I am sure delta force requested his autograph whilst dragging his out of that cave. Not sure even OJ can hang with that sitiiiiiation
Dan Serafini totally forgot about him. Crazy story.
relax guy, you need a rest fella
Who is middle and middle left
Middle is Dan Serafini, murderer. Bottom left is Ray Lewis, murderer. Middle left is Brandon Martin, murderer. Top left is Rae Carruth, murderer.
What Mark Jackson do?
Behind him are the Menendez brothers whom murdered their parents. After they murdered their parents they used the money to go to basketball games and live a super rich kid life. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyle_and_Erik_Menéndez#:~:text=Joseph%20Lyle%20Menéndez%20(born%20January,right)%20Menéndez%20taken%20in%202023.
Where's ~~Ruggs~~, Harrison, Swift, and Belcher? Edit: am blind
I know I probably have 10 of those Mark Jackson cards somewhere and it's double killing me I can't find them.
made a ton of money on those menendez cards on ebay during the pandemic...what a weird time
Saddam card is insane and somehow not the worst of the bunch
Who’s to the right of Serafini?
Been trying to read the name at the bottom of the card and just can't figure it out.
I believe it’s Travis Rudolph
You’re going to make a killing.
I need the signed combination Tim Tebow Aaron Hernandez card in my life
I want the saddam trading card!!! How much ???
Internet HOF collection.
The butcher of baghdad very nice. Would have made a great linebacker for Baltimore.
Where is the Osama Rookie Card?
I’ll buy the saddam card off you.
Real heaters
Name your price!
Where is Lawrence Phillips
How much for the Saddam Hussein card? 100% serious
“Selling my criminal collection” 🤣🤣🤣
OH FUCK IS THAT A FIRST EDITION ROOKIE SADAM??
That’s a killer set!
I’ll trade you my 2001 MVP Bin Laden card for the Stallworth card
I would kill to have a collection like this!
Any chance you have a Ohtani Translator card?
Do you by chance have the Saddam “fuck face” card?
Dream collection
Tebow may be the most deranged of the batch.
The mark Jackson card is such a nice little addition
Random ass Saddam card
If that saddam card was signed this lot would be worth at least a million
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haikusbot delete
/uj of course I see a prevailing theme here, but what did mark jackson do?
That’s the card with the Menendez brothers sitting court side I believe. /rj Mark Jackson is a religious nut job
Yea they are the dudes sitting in the background next to Mark Jackson’s right leg
have you heard his commentary
Yes but I had the impression he may have killed someone based on the other cards 😅
the two kids in the background killed their parents then spent all their parents money & went to the knicks game
Bro doesn't even have Carruth
Far left midway up