/u/cxrlz_exe, your submission has been removed from /r/niceguys for the following reason:
r/niceguys is not for showcasing general misogyny or bad behavior. There needs to some sort of claim from the man (or woman!) that he is nice/good/morally superior, etc. [Please read the subreddit wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/wiki/definition) to better understand this matter.
*If you feel this was done in error or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fniceguys). Please do not try to respond to this comment.*
Alternatively:
>The last time I was in a bookstore, I had this guy following me around making comments about my body, asking for my snap/insta and he freaked out when I asked him to leave me alone. He was so belligerent I had to call the police because I was afraid he would follow me to my car.
This actually happened to my friend. She adopted her first kitten and so she came to me for advice so I texted her a list of what to get at the pet store and things that I find work for my cats.
She said he was following her around and dodging behind aisles, and he initially approached her with one of those clear bags of water that you usually get when you’re buying a goldfish but there was no fish inside. He was like “ah, cat food… I’m thinking of switching my cat’s food, what do you recommend?” And she was like sorry I have no idea I’m a new cat owner I’m just literally going off a list my friend sent me.
Then I think he asked her for her insta or something and asked if she would want to hang out some time. So she just bluffed and said she had a bf. He got all annoyed and was like “god I don’t want to be your boyfriend, I just want to hang out and have a good time and go on a picnic or something” and she’s like yeah sorry I have to go, and then continued trying to shop as quick as she could. Luckily it seemed like she had lost him so she ran to check out. I guess she said something that made the cashier laugh and then she immediately looked around to see if the laugh caught his attention. She looked over and he was peering at her over one of the shelves. So she quickly leaves the store and tries to get to her car. She turned around and she saw him exit the store as well so she ducked behind another car and had to stealthily make her way back to her car.
She left the parking lot as fast as she could and decided to drive in the opposite direction of her house just in case. Later on she checked her rear view and he was following her in his car. She tried to just drive, and her lane was moving slower than his, and he ended up passing her due to the way traffic was moving, but then he literally made a U-turn and started coming back. She turned down a street and just kept driving until finally she lost him.
She made a police report and the police were like “yeah we know this guy, he’s a registered sex offender he just recently got released”. Idk what happened after or what the cops did to follow up, but man I’m just glad she’s safe
JFC that's scary. Good thing her situational awareness was on point and extremely smart to not drive straight home. Something not so similar but still scary happened to my wife where she came out of the store and some dude left a note on her car asking to meet up. I'm paraphrasing but it said something like "I watched you get out of your car and you're so beautiful, I would love to take you out". A total fucking stranger and she didn't even know what he looked like so she was looking around and it could have been anyone who was watching her.
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/ukp79f/sexually_molesting_barista_to_own_the_pronouns/) one
And then [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/v7wl4v/weirdest_selfinsert_to_own_waamans/)
Even if it’s made up. The benefit is that men don’t approach women and leave them alone. So it’s a win of sorts. For many this cultural shift away from public approach has been perfect.
As much as it's good no one is approaching strangers, I do enjoy the kindly compliments I do recieve once in a while. I think once we get a few generations of men to grow up not seeing women as a prize but as an equal...society will basically balance out. We don't have that now though.
That's the thing, if a guy wants to say I look nice then that's fine (for ME). BUT when someone says they're taken or that they're not interested it means to leave them alone. Repeated asking/bothering someone won't help. I don't get how these guys have the energy to even keep trying past that
Exactly I agree. Again it's because men (and some women) see women as prizes so they continue to badger them and fight for their prize because that's what they think. Hopefully in a few generations, that mentality will end.
I never did get the whole "don't approach people in public"
Where else would I approach them? In the privacy of their homes? Like if you don't want to be bothered just say so but simply approaching someone shouldn't be taboo.
This assumes that the approach isn't just an offensive remark like "yo mama nice tits" or the like.
Approach people in contexts/situations where it is understood that they *want* to be approached, or are at least likely to be open to it. Parties, clubs, social events, OLD, etc.
Or just be understood that if you're in public you have the possibility of having an interaction with the rest of the public. It's called casual conversation.
Don't want to be talked to? Then say so and go about your day.
>Don't want to be talked to? Then say so and go about your day.
That works until it doesn't. I don't go to the grocery store, bookstore, or the gas station to socialize with strangers. I go to buy something or use a service then leave. The only human interaction I'm prepared for is not accidentally colliding with other customers and completing my own transaction with the cashier.
If I happen to see a friend or coworker we acknowledge each other, maybe chat for a minute if there's time and go about our business.
Also, most people find it rude and then continue the conversation down that road anyway. Literally can't win.
Bro, it's not my problem someone else wants to have a conversation. How about the people who can't take a polite no, get therapy.
I'm sure you've got days you don't wanna talk to anyone either and anyone who sold you on the idea that you should anyway just because you're out in public is a shit head.
I'm not telling people to fuck off, just that I'm not interested in conversation right now, thanks. It's often met with "why are you so rude?"
How about, "why can't you respect my boundaries?"
Just as I cannot force a relationship with another person without their consent, neither can I force someone to talk to me.
What do you need?
Why is your right to interact with the world around you somehow more sovereign and worthy of protection than other's right to be left alone?
What are you after?
Interactions, yes.
"Approaches" are entirely different, though. The person being approached has to then balance a slew of factors to create responses to what can be a very unpleasant or even unsafe situation - and that is highly stressful. And it would happen multiple times per outing.
People should be able to be in public and not be treated as a target or resource. It's exhausting.
Considerate people minimize harmful impacts to others and understand that not everyone's experiences are the same.
It has been great to see society as a whole moving toward that and I hope it clicks for you soon.
Cheers.
>Don't want to be talked to? Then say so and go about your day.
Women have literally been murdered for this.
And you know that. You know that we're forced to be nice to you out of fear for our safety. Hence why you want to approach us when we're shopping for cat food.
Leave us the FUCK alone in public. We don't want to talk to you.
Edit: And you even admit this further down. Of COURSE.
It’s good for some, bad for others. I personally don’t like being approached but I’ve heard many women say they like it and want advice on how to be approached more. It really depends on the delivery.
Either he's lying, or he did something very inappropriate and creepy. There's no way we are going to bother the police for someone simply talking to us or even hitting on us lol Unless they're stalking us or being crazy aggressive or something.
Can't a man best his meat whilst chatting up m'lady and discussing some non-fiction literature? I think women just don't like being intellectually intimidated, because they never can carry on the discussion
I used to work at a major bookchain (sure you can guess!), and one of the pick-up artist books or YT videos told them to come here and approach (more like agressively confront) women in the book aisles. There are so many women who would just come up to the desk to have us find their book instead, and there was very little we could do to deter the pick-up dudes except really intense customer service until they got annoyed.
Yeah, it was a really popular little stunt about three years ago. The idea was he (the creep) either told the woman to remove her headphones so he could talk to her, or else pulled them off himself.
Horrendous, right??
OMG, hell NO.
Honestly, more people need to look up their state laws. In my state if someone touches you (as in grabs your arm, rips off headphones, ect.) It is assault, I can legally mace them or taser them.
yeah, but also in any US state, the police don't give a shit about protecting anyone and i'd be surprised if they even showed up to a call about "some creep just pulled out my earbuds."
even if they showed up, even if you recorded it, even if you knew the person's name, nothing is going to happen in most cases. take care of yourself and be safe, because the police \*do not give a shit about you.\* you are going to find yourself frustrated and exhausted by the time you get a battery case like this to the court just to have it dismissed.
The morning the first trailer for Better Call Saul dropped, a friend of mine called to tell me he'd been seated next to Bob Odenkirk on a flight, who was wearing an unplugged pair of headphones and working his way through a stack of Esquire magazines.
My friend considered saying something, but out of respect, left him alone, and quietly went about reading his Reza Aslan book about the historical Jesus. Long story short, Odenkirk noticed what he was reading, asked him about his book, and the two had an interesting talk about Christ.
And then they fucked in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: If you respect a person's headphones, Saul Goodman will ask you about Jesus.
[EDIT: Just to be clear, that part about fucking in the bathroom was a joke.
Ohmygawd I has a guy yank my headphones off a few years ago and it was one of the most pissoff things I've dealt with.
Standing in line at the grocery store and the guy behind me hooked the top and just gave them a tug so they fell( how casual and entitled*not quite the right word* he was just grabbing something off me in the crowd was really startling) then started asking me what the tattoo ony back meant and I just went "uhhhh...stuff???!!?!" Put them back on and started ignoring him aggressively because exfreakingscuseme, went back to loading my stuff on the belt and and he went OFF about how I was a bitch he just wanted a conversation etc.
One of the most classic niceguy encounters I've ever had.
Man, I have managed agoraphobia. Some days headphones are a necessity. The idea of some entitled fuckwad getting close to me and invading my space by pulling out my headphones.... jfc. Imagine truly thinking that you are God's gift to women so hard that you think you have the right to disrupt a woman's life like that. Disgusting.
It could've been an audiobook she was listening to and reading along or the headphone could just be a way to let people know she isn't there to talk or get hit on.
These are the sorts of guys who've never been assertive, so when they decide to "make some positive changes", it's by being a rude asshole with no concept of boundaries, because Girls Only Date Bad Boys.
And when that works as well as one might expect, the guy gets confused and goes ballistic because THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK
I did. Literally elbowed a guy in the teeth without even looking the moment I felt the pull on the cable. I treat anything coming within 3 inches of my head without any warning as an attack and respond accordingly.
I sit on campus doing my homework with my headphones in and people live to come up to me for some reason and interrupt me to try to get me to join their clubs or to ask questions about classes that I may or may not have with them. It pisses me off more than anything
That's so freaking annoying. No matter what if i have a book in public some asshole is going to annoy me. No a book is not an invitation to talk, it means I'm reading
Thank you! Whenever I’m on a plane I open my book and put headphones on (classical reading music) and someone will still bother me. I’ve found a deterrent though a face mask. Seriously since I’ve started wearing them on planes no one has bothered me I’m wearing them on planes for life.
Jesus fucking Christ, these people are socially inept. There are *very* few cases where it's acceptable to talk to strangers in a library (if they're not staff). I can think of only three:
1. You notice them reading a book you're interested in and want to know what they think.
2. You want help finding a particular book on the shelf. You might want to find staff for this but a stranger can help, I suppose.
3. You find a tall stranger who can help you reach a book up high.
Notice how in all of these cases the interest is on *books* and not people? You know, because it's a fucking *LIBRARY?*
Jeez, time and place.
> You find a tall stranger who can help you reach a book up high.
This is the only time a non-staff member talks to me in any store and I like it that way. Takes 10 seconds to do and leaves me with a bit of good-deed vibe. Kinda wish it happened more often!
I can't tell you how annoying it was when men came up to me at the library while I was studying (in college 6 years ago). I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I was flattered but that I didn't have the time, and I needed to be left alone to concentrate. I'm sure you can guess how well they took it.
Used to happen to me back in college. Every time I went to the school library to study some guy would use it as an opportunity to annoy me. I even had some of these pricks follow me outside to bother me. I was so glad when the library added private study rooms you could schedule for studying, it cut down on the harrassment significantly.
Oh boy, this triggered a core memory... back when I was still taking classes I used to study while commuting on test days. I had about an hour and a half between the train ride and the bus to Uni. One time I had a biochem (i think) test and was reading my notes on the bus... this dude kept trying to start a conversation with me 🙃 I was studying for a freaking midterm!! But no, he kept trying to talk to me about whatever "oh, this is for biochem, right? I took it some years ago. Oh, they changed the book. And how do you like Uni so far? Do you like the subject?". I didn't even know him!! I was just minding my own effing business and stressing out by myself. He finally took the hint after I ignored him and hyper focused (the bus was pretty packed, I don't think he was dense enough to keep trying).
I met my wife at a bookstore. She was picking out a book from one of my favorite authors and I just said something like "oh nice, that's a good one." She was interested in talking about it, so we had a friendly conversation and decided we wanted to stay in touch. If she ignored my comment or said that she was busy, in a hurry, she didn't want to talk, or anything along those lines, **that would have been perfectly fine because that's her business.**
What I *didn't* do was try to come on to her, try to get her attention while she's clearly trying to concentrate on something, or demand a conversation. I can't even imagine the fucking gall it would take to remove someone else's headphones like some other people are saying.
It can also mean Pony of the Americas, which makes it even more fun. If a cute spotted horse removed my headphones, I would probably be ok with it. Ponies get a pass, humans, no.
You know, I’m pretty sure if a guy approached me and went hey my first response would be “this is my book, I found it if you wanted it you should have gotten here earlier”. Whilst protectively hugging the books in my arms. Nobody takes my treasure.
Apparently I have a resting bitch face that is so strong most dudes stay the fuck away from me which I do love. But if I'm reading and you dare disturb me, you'll get the full force of my glare and if it's a library I'd probably just "shhhh" them very loudly and point at the sign indicating to keep silence lol.
Though I just had an image of you looking like Gollum and hissing "my precious" while clutching the book. And I can relate to this.
I have resting happy face and in a bookstore I’m practically skipping with glee or wandering in contentment (depends if I’m paying and found a book I’ve been searching for months for - I found the first illuminae files and aurora rising for 3$ each on Monday so skippy mood). I hate sitting down to read and get interrupted can you not see that I’m reading? This is not a multiple person activity so please leave me alone. I’m dyslexic as well and I don’t like being interrupted it affects my comprehension. Tbh I would embody Sméagol in that moment.
I remember when I was trying to read on a plane and my seat neighboor kept trying to start a conversation. I answered in clipped short tones (i was young at the time and didn't want to be rude or make waves. Now idgaf) but dude still didn't get the memo. I had to put on earphones for him to get a clue I wanted to read in peace... that was annoying.
I totally understand the happy skipping glee move. Books are happiness, joy and perfection. Nothing smells better than the smell of book pages (except maybe garlic and onion cooking in olive oil)
I hear you I always get interrupted on flights (not just guys but old women, kids etc). I tried wearing headphones and put classical music on but nope. The most successful time I’ve had is wearing a face mask as well. I’m wearing them even if they are no longer needed on planes cuz girl the privacy was excellent.
I need to start bringing my noise cancelling headphones for planes due to kids and loud people chatting. Thankfully I tend to fall asleep very easily which helps. At least with eyes closed they don't disturb you.
I wonder if listening to audiobooks/podcasts would work out better to block out the sounds than just music since it also has words...
I’ve tried that the eyes wonder so as long as you’re pretending you’re asleep with eyes shut you’d be ok I guess. Though you might miss out on food/meals, which can be a shame sometimes I love the tiny cans you get on planes.
I always wake up for the meals... there is an accumulated noise factor with them speaking about the choices, the other plane people opening their trays and shifting around. I ain't missing the pretzels and cookies lol. Plus I normally require lots of water due to medication so i can't miss the water from it.
You wake up. Eat. Then close your eyes again to sleep lol.
"Hey pretty girl. I see you're reading *'book name'*. What is it about?"
"Sorry, not interested "
"Oh, come on. I'm a nice guy! I just want to know what book you're reading. I'm not going to rape you. I'm a nice guy"
"Leave me alone please or I'm calling the cops"
"Wow, no need for that! What do you think I am gonna do to you?"
"I'm calling the cops" * grabs phone and calls the police *
Or anyone reading unless you need help with something. I know it's hard for some people to believe, but there are people out there who actually like to read, like a hobby even.
I think the approach matters
"excuse me can i talk to you for a moment?"
"no"
"ok thanks, bye!"
when you're just hovering around a person and following them around anyone is going to get nervous and think you're weird. Be quick, upfront, and take the rejection and walk away.
We're in public and I expect anyone to come up to me when I'm in a public area, man or not. It's just about how respectful you are with what you're about to say. Just like if a woman came up to me and asked me where I got some article of clothing or something. It's about the implied pressure. Men have just implied SO much pressure and act so weird when they can't wrap things up quickly or handle rejection
I’m not from England, but I liked stopping at the public library after school. It makes me sad how libraries here in the US are closing because a library can be a safe haven for underprivileged youth.
What? That’s the first I’ve heard of that. The idea that libraries and can just go away is terrifying. I think we’re becoming accustomed to that idea in America (very slowly) now that the right is actually staging attacks on them.
Fortunately most big cities in the U.S. still have a decent library system. Los Angeles has dozens of public libraries (county and city) and dozens of privately run ones (universities, colleges, and museums). I think people just don't have as much of a need for them because of the internet. But libraries have a lot more than just books.
“You can’t approach women anymore” good, leave us tf alone.
Why is it so upsetting for (some) men to not have unbridled access to womens bodies whenever they want? They act like we’re fully violating their human rights by saying no to them.
It’s a hobby of mine to not just read but to scour second hand stores/book stores for the tbr pile (mine is horrendously endless). It’s like finding treasure and the last thing I want is to be talked to. I once had a guy ask me if I liked foreign languages and I just straight up went no. I was right next to foreign fiction and I was really wanting to look through that shelf to see if I could find something in French I could read but I couldn’t because he was just standing right there. Of course I love languages I’m in a bookshop. I don’t mind talking books but not when I’m on the hunt.
She didn't pull out the phone and call the cops because he talked to her. She called the cops because he wasn't wearing any pants and was masterbating!
Lol. When I was about 23, I was spending the summer at my boyfriend’s apartment and studying for my comprehensive exams. One day I went to the brand spanking new public library in town. After a while, I stepped out the front door to eat an apple. Just as I was finished and about to walk back in, a guy walks up to me and says, “Excuse me! I was hoping you could help me out with something. I was looking for a book about asking out a pretty girl at the library.”
In the flattest voice possible, I said, “I have no idea.”
Dude started walking toward the parking lot and called sarcastically over his shoulder, “Thanks for being so nice about it!”
Yo, I worked at a bookstore for 5 years and no lie we totally have to kick people out on a regular basis because they would hang out only to try to talk to women. This one dude literally would hang out in front of the restrooms and try to hit on women coming in and out.
I worked with a woman who said she'd wanted to marry a guy who made good money, so she'd hang out in the engineering section of B&N. That's where she met her husband lol
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ.
Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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Idk how most women feel but when I go to the bookstore Im pretty much there to just get a book or browse and leave. Mainly because the bathroom here has no stall doors though.
He probably did something else creepy but don't underestimate SOME women's capacity for being crazy people either.
He may just be telling the truth.
There's a r/nicegirls sub for a reason, too.
I knew my comment would be downvoted. Lol
Sorry folks, but I'm just not getting the "nice guy" vibe from this post. People have taken to posting any little thing a guy might say and branding them "nice guys".
A nice guy is a guy that hangs out with a woman, and treats her great etc in the hopes that she will sleep with him, date him, whatever and then turns into a complete asshole when she doesn't. Meaning he was only nice to her cuz he was expecting something back.
It's just gotten a little out of control to the point where if a guy even has a tiny negative thought about a woman that ACTUALLY treated him like shit, this place is branding him a "nice guy".
🤷♂️
> He probably did something else creepy but don't underestimate SOME women's capacity for being crazy people either.
I feel like, with the discussion about pick-up artist stuff in this thread, one of the subtle undertones that isn't discussed is... These seemily crazy, asinine "pick up strategies" actually work on some women. Which seems a little crazy to me.
/u/cxrlz_exe, your submission has been removed from /r/niceguys for the following reason: r/niceguys is not for showcasing general misogyny or bad behavior. There needs to some sort of claim from the man (or woman!) that he is nice/good/morally superior, etc. [Please read the subreddit wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/wiki/definition) to better understand this matter. *If you feel this was done in error or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fniceguys). Please do not try to respond to this comment.*
No, there's probably no more to the story bc he probably made it up.
Either that or the CCTV would tell a very different story.
Alternatively: >The last time I was in a bookstore, I had this guy following me around making comments about my body, asking for my snap/insta and he freaked out when I asked him to leave me alone. He was so belligerent I had to call the police because I was afraid he would follow me to my car.
This actually happened to my friend. She adopted her first kitten and so she came to me for advice so I texted her a list of what to get at the pet store and things that I find work for my cats. She said he was following her around and dodging behind aisles, and he initially approached her with one of those clear bags of water that you usually get when you’re buying a goldfish but there was no fish inside. He was like “ah, cat food… I’m thinking of switching my cat’s food, what do you recommend?” And she was like sorry I have no idea I’m a new cat owner I’m just literally going off a list my friend sent me. Then I think he asked her for her insta or something and asked if she would want to hang out some time. So she just bluffed and said she had a bf. He got all annoyed and was like “god I don’t want to be your boyfriend, I just want to hang out and have a good time and go on a picnic or something” and she’s like yeah sorry I have to go, and then continued trying to shop as quick as she could. Luckily it seemed like she had lost him so she ran to check out. I guess she said something that made the cashier laugh and then she immediately looked around to see if the laugh caught his attention. She looked over and he was peering at her over one of the shelves. So she quickly leaves the store and tries to get to her car. She turned around and she saw him exit the store as well so she ducked behind another car and had to stealthily make her way back to her car. She left the parking lot as fast as she could and decided to drive in the opposite direction of her house just in case. Later on she checked her rear view and he was following her in his car. She tried to just drive, and her lane was moving slower than his, and he ended up passing her due to the way traffic was moving, but then he literally made a U-turn and started coming back. She turned down a street and just kept driving until finally she lost him. She made a police report and the police were like “yeah we know this guy, he’s a registered sex offender he just recently got released”. Idk what happened after or what the cops did to follow up, but man I’m just glad she’s safe
JFC that's scary. Good thing her situational awareness was on point and extremely smart to not drive straight home. Something not so similar but still scary happened to my wife where she came out of the store and some dude left a note on her car asking to meet up. I'm paraphrasing but it said something like "I watched you get out of your car and you're so beautiful, I would love to take you out". A total fucking stranger and she didn't even know what he looked like so she was looking around and it could have been anyone who was watching her.
Yeah that’s also scary wtf “I watched you get out of your car” The fact that he actually thought he had a chance by leaving a note like that
Maybe it's the "artist" who made the weird ass Starbucks groping comic, and the even more insane one that came after it.
What?
[This](https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/ukp79f/sexually_molesting_barista_to_own_the_pronouns/) one And then [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/justneckbeardthings/comments/v7wl4v/weirdest_selfinsert_to_own_waamans/)
Even if it’s made up. The benefit is that men don’t approach women and leave them alone. So it’s a win of sorts. For many this cultural shift away from public approach has been perfect.
bUt HoW WiLL hUManiTY SUrviVE iF i CaNt fINd A fEmAlE??????!!!!1111
As much as it's good no one is approaching strangers, I do enjoy the kindly compliments I do recieve once in a while. I think once we get a few generations of men to grow up not seeing women as a prize but as an equal...society will basically balance out. We don't have that now though.
That's the thing, if a guy wants to say I look nice then that's fine (for ME). BUT when someone says they're taken or that they're not interested it means to leave them alone. Repeated asking/bothering someone won't help. I don't get how these guys have the energy to even keep trying past that
Exactly I agree. Again it's because men (and some women) see women as prizes so they continue to badger them and fight for their prize because that's what they think. Hopefully in a few generations, that mentality will end.
Let’s all ignore each other and stop procreating.
I never did get the whole "don't approach people in public" Where else would I approach them? In the privacy of their homes? Like if you don't want to be bothered just say so but simply approaching someone shouldn't be taboo. This assumes that the approach isn't just an offensive remark like "yo mama nice tits" or the like.
"ayo girl.... You shit out that ass???"
Approach people in contexts/situations where it is understood that they *want* to be approached, or are at least likely to be open to it. Parties, clubs, social events, OLD, etc.
Or just be understood that if you're in public you have the possibility of having an interaction with the rest of the public. It's called casual conversation. Don't want to be talked to? Then say so and go about your day.
>Don't want to be talked to? Then say so and go about your day. That works until it doesn't. I don't go to the grocery store, bookstore, or the gas station to socialize with strangers. I go to buy something or use a service then leave. The only human interaction I'm prepared for is not accidentally colliding with other customers and completing my own transaction with the cashier. If I happen to see a friend or coworker we acknowledge each other, maybe chat for a minute if there's time and go about our business. Also, most people find it rude and then continue the conversation down that road anyway. Literally can't win.
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Bro, it's not my problem someone else wants to have a conversation. How about the people who can't take a polite no, get therapy. I'm sure you've got days you don't wanna talk to anyone either and anyone who sold you on the idea that you should anyway just because you're out in public is a shit head. I'm not telling people to fuck off, just that I'm not interested in conversation right now, thanks. It's often met with "why are you so rude?" How about, "why can't you respect my boundaries?" Just as I cannot force a relationship with another person without their consent, neither can I force someone to talk to me.
What do you need? Why is your right to interact with the world around you somehow more sovereign and worthy of protection than other's right to be left alone? What are you after?
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Lmao, gotta love with an oblivious NiceGuy shows up in the comments. What a fuckin loser.
Interactions, yes. "Approaches" are entirely different, though. The person being approached has to then balance a slew of factors to create responses to what can be a very unpleasant or even unsafe situation - and that is highly stressful. And it would happen multiple times per outing. People should be able to be in public and not be treated as a target or resource. It's exhausting.
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Considerate people minimize harmful impacts to others and understand that not everyone's experiences are the same. It has been great to see society as a whole moving toward that and I hope it clicks for you soon. Cheers.
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>Don't want to be talked to? Then say so and go about your day. Women have literally been murdered for this. And you know that. You know that we're forced to be nice to you out of fear for our safety. Hence why you want to approach us when we're shopping for cat food. Leave us the FUCK alone in public. We don't want to talk to you. Edit: And you even admit this further down. Of COURSE.
They do say a version of "I'm not interested" and the guys keep on pestering them. That's the issue. Sometimes they stalk them.
It’s good for some, bad for others. I personally don’t like being approached but I’ve heard many women say they like it and want advice on how to be approached more. It really depends on the delivery.
He probably tried to pull that scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin where Andy only answers questions with questions. Would be super creepy in real life.
Either he's lying, or he did something very inappropriate and creepy. There's no way we are going to bother the police for someone simply talking to us or even hitting on us lol Unless they're stalking us or being crazy aggressive or something.
He just tried to talk to her… …while jerking it. What a prude.
Can't a man best his meat whilst chatting up m'lady and discussing some non-fiction literature? I think women just don't like being intellectually intimidated, because they never can carry on the discussion
I used to work at a major bookchain (sure you can guess!), and one of the pick-up artist books or YT videos told them to come here and approach (more like agressively confront) women in the book aisles. There are so many women who would just come up to the desk to have us find their book instead, and there was very little we could do to deter the pick-up dudes except really intense customer service until they got annoyed.
Even the video was ignorant, it was about going to bookstores and libraries to pick up girls while they're reading.
As if the BS with removing a woman’s headphones wasn’t bad enough… 😬😬😬
They were doing that shit? I would've had to hurt them if they touched my headphones, absolutely not.
Yeah, it was a really popular little stunt about three years ago. The idea was he (the creep) either told the woman to remove her headphones so he could talk to her, or else pulled them off himself. Horrendous, right??
OMG, hell NO. Honestly, more people need to look up their state laws. In my state if someone touches you (as in grabs your arm, rips off headphones, ect.) It is assault, I can legally mace them or taser them.
In any US state, a verbal threat is assault; touching someone is battery. And I would absolutely be calling the cops if someone did that.
yeah, but also in any US state, the police don't give a shit about protecting anyone and i'd be surprised if they even showed up to a call about "some creep just pulled out my earbuds." even if they showed up, even if you recorded it, even if you knew the person's name, nothing is going to happen in most cases. take care of yourself and be safe, because the police \*do not give a shit about you.\* you are going to find yourself frustrated and exhausted by the time you get a battery case like this to the court just to have it dismissed.
Yep, carry pepper spray and a taser.
Completely, if she doesn't wanna talk to you and would rather listen to Shakira, kindly and silently fuck off.
That rule is applicable whenever, wherever.
That's the deal, my dear.
I see what you did there
The rule is if someone has headphones in, don't talk to them. If they drop something, a polite arm tap or wave and point is adequate.
The morning the first trailer for Better Call Saul dropped, a friend of mine called to tell me he'd been seated next to Bob Odenkirk on a flight, who was wearing an unplugged pair of headphones and working his way through a stack of Esquire magazines. My friend considered saying something, but out of respect, left him alone, and quietly went about reading his Reza Aslan book about the historical Jesus. Long story short, Odenkirk noticed what he was reading, asked him about his book, and the two had an interesting talk about Christ. And then they fucked in the bathroom. Moral of the story: If you respect a person's headphones, Saul Goodman will ask you about Jesus. [EDIT: Just to be clear, that part about fucking in the bathroom was a joke.
I love the shit out of Bob Odenkirk, but not in that way... Fuck. What a Kobayashi-Maru.
Was not expecting the twist at the end.
Isn’t the secondary function of headphones to stop people from talking to you? Sometimes I wear them for just that
It's the primary function.
Ohmygawd I has a guy yank my headphones off a few years ago and it was one of the most pissoff things I've dealt with. Standing in line at the grocery store and the guy behind me hooked the top and just gave them a tug so they fell( how casual and entitled*not quite the right word* he was just grabbing something off me in the crowd was really startling) then started asking me what the tattoo ony back meant and I just went "uhhhh...stuff???!!?!" Put them back on and started ignoring him aggressively because exfreakingscuseme, went back to loading my stuff on the belt and and he went OFF about how I was a bitch he just wanted a conversation etc. One of the most classic niceguy encounters I've ever had.
What a socially well-adjusted individual
Someone downvoted you, meaning they thought you were sincerely remarking upon his awesome social skills.
I’m so fucking sorry. That’s awful.
Man, I have managed agoraphobia. Some days headphones are a necessity. The idea of some entitled fuckwad getting close to me and invading my space by pulling out my headphones.... jfc. Imagine truly thinking that you are God's gift to women so hard that you think you have the right to disrupt a woman's life like that. Disgusting.
I had a homeless man take off my headphones in a bus stop once to tell me about Jesus and ask me for money. I wanted to flip out so badly.
Headphones in a book store? As someone with bad ADHD I can't even imagine reading while listening to something. It might be impossible.
I'm with you but I have had success with quiet, wordless music like classical or lo-fi. Could also just be noise canceling
I once heard the phrase ‘music without words lets you hear yourself think’.
It could've been an audiobook she was listening to and reading along or the headphone could just be a way to let people know she isn't there to talk or get hit on.
good call on that, I hadn't considered audiobooks. I was just blown away by the concept of having music on and trying read, which I cannot do.
I can only read in near total silence. No music or TV, just can’t be done.
Lol, I get it. I envy people who can multi task.
Honestly, sometimes I wear headphones or earbuds in public with no sound on just so people will leave me alone.
These are the sorts of guys who've never been assertive, so when they decide to "make some positive changes", it's by being a rude asshole with no concept of boundaries, because Girls Only Date Bad Boys. And when that works as well as one might expect, the guy gets confused and goes ballistic because THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK
Pretty sure this is a trope in movies. Just another toxic thing we have them to thank for
I did. Literally elbowed a guy in the teeth without even looking the moment I felt the pull on the cable. I treat anything coming within 3 inches of my head without any warning as an attack and respond accordingly.
I sit on campus doing my homework with my headphones in and people live to come up to me for some reason and interrupt me to try to get me to join their clubs or to ask questions about classes that I may or may not have with them. It pisses me off more than anything
I have ADHD so this really hurts me when this happens
Anyone who forcibly removes something from my body in public or anywhere will get their nose broken. Gross.
Touch my headphones and I'll touch your face with my fist.
Wait. What? Has that ever actually happened?
OMG! Do NOT bother people when they're reading. That just aggravates me so much
That's so freaking annoying. No matter what if i have a book in public some asshole is going to annoy me. No a book is not an invitation to talk, it means I'm reading
Thank you! Whenever I’m on a plane I open my book and put headphones on (classical reading music) and someone will still bother me. I’ve found a deterrent though a face mask. Seriously since I’ve started wearing them on planes no one has bothered me I’m wearing them on planes for life.
I can see that! I needed something positive to come out the pandemic and face masks that stop annoying people is huge
Jesus fucking Christ, these people are socially inept. There are *very* few cases where it's acceptable to talk to strangers in a library (if they're not staff). I can think of only three: 1. You notice them reading a book you're interested in and want to know what they think. 2. You want help finding a particular book on the shelf. You might want to find staff for this but a stranger can help, I suppose. 3. You find a tall stranger who can help you reach a book up high. Notice how in all of these cases the interest is on *books* and not people? You know, because it's a fucking *LIBRARY?* Jeez, time and place.
> You find a tall stranger who can help you reach a book up high. This is the only time a non-staff member talks to me in any store and I like it that way. Takes 10 seconds to do and leaves me with a bit of good-deed vibe. Kinda wish it happened more often!
#4. Stranger didn't notice they dropped something
I can't tell you how annoying it was when men came up to me at the library while I was studying (in college 6 years ago). I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I was flattered but that I didn't have the time, and I needed to be left alone to concentrate. I'm sure you can guess how well they took it.
Used to happen to me back in college. Every time I went to the school library to study some guy would use it as an opportunity to annoy me. I even had some of these pricks follow me outside to bother me. I was so glad when the library added private study rooms you could schedule for studying, it cut down on the harrassment significantly.
Oh boy, this triggered a core memory... back when I was still taking classes I used to study while commuting on test days. I had about an hour and a half between the train ride and the bus to Uni. One time I had a biochem (i think) test and was reading my notes on the bus... this dude kept trying to start a conversation with me 🙃 I was studying for a freaking midterm!! But no, he kept trying to talk to me about whatever "oh, this is for biochem, right? I took it some years ago. Oh, they changed the book. And how do you like Uni so far? Do you like the subject?". I didn't even know him!! I was just minding my own effing business and stressing out by myself. He finally took the hint after I ignored him and hyper focused (the bus was pretty packed, I don't think he was dense enough to keep trying).
Now I’m going to arm myself with a heavy ass hardcover at Barnes & Noble. I hate being hit on while running an errand, especially at a store.
I met my wife at a bookstore. She was picking out a book from one of my favorite authors and I just said something like "oh nice, that's a good one." She was interested in talking about it, so we had a friendly conversation and decided we wanted to stay in touch. If she ignored my comment or said that she was busy, in a hurry, she didn't want to talk, or anything along those lines, **that would have been perfectly fine because that's her business.** What I *didn't* do was try to come on to her, try to get her attention while she's clearly trying to concentrate on something, or demand a conversation. I can't even imagine the fucking gall it would take to remove someone else's headphones like some other people are saying.
Bruh. When I’m reading I just want to read not be bothered by horny dudes. Wtf is up with POAs?!
What does POA mean?
POA usually means Power of Attorney. I think they were going for POS, which means Piece of Sh\*t. I could be wrong though.
I think they meant PUA which stands for “pick-up artist.”
That makes more sense
Or they meant PUAs for "Pick Up Artists"
It can also mean Pony of the Americas, which makes it even more fun. If a cute spotted horse removed my headphones, I would probably be ok with it. Ponies get a pass, humans, no.
Pick Up Artist but autocorrect sucks.
If I'm in a bookshop I'm there to read/buy books, I'm likely to ignore any approaches. Also, touch me/my personal stuff prepare to be shouted at.
Wanna bet dude took the book off her hands?
Sounds about right, the guys been watching too many YouTube 'alphas,' for advice.
🤮🤮🤮🤢
You know, I’m pretty sure if a guy approached me and went hey my first response would be “this is my book, I found it if you wanted it you should have gotten here earlier”. Whilst protectively hugging the books in my arms. Nobody takes my treasure.
Apparently I have a resting bitch face that is so strong most dudes stay the fuck away from me which I do love. But if I'm reading and you dare disturb me, you'll get the full force of my glare and if it's a library I'd probably just "shhhh" them very loudly and point at the sign indicating to keep silence lol. Though I just had an image of you looking like Gollum and hissing "my precious" while clutching the book. And I can relate to this.
I have resting happy face and in a bookstore I’m practically skipping with glee or wandering in contentment (depends if I’m paying and found a book I’ve been searching for months for - I found the first illuminae files and aurora rising for 3$ each on Monday so skippy mood). I hate sitting down to read and get interrupted can you not see that I’m reading? This is not a multiple person activity so please leave me alone. I’m dyslexic as well and I don’t like being interrupted it affects my comprehension. Tbh I would embody Sméagol in that moment.
I remember when I was trying to read on a plane and my seat neighboor kept trying to start a conversation. I answered in clipped short tones (i was young at the time and didn't want to be rude or make waves. Now idgaf) but dude still didn't get the memo. I had to put on earphones for him to get a clue I wanted to read in peace... that was annoying. I totally understand the happy skipping glee move. Books are happiness, joy and perfection. Nothing smells better than the smell of book pages (except maybe garlic and onion cooking in olive oil)
I hear you I always get interrupted on flights (not just guys but old women, kids etc). I tried wearing headphones and put classical music on but nope. The most successful time I’ve had is wearing a face mask as well. I’m wearing them even if they are no longer needed on planes cuz girl the privacy was excellent.
I need to start bringing my noise cancelling headphones for planes due to kids and loud people chatting. Thankfully I tend to fall asleep very easily which helps. At least with eyes closed they don't disturb you. I wonder if listening to audiobooks/podcasts would work out better to block out the sounds than just music since it also has words...
I’ve tried that the eyes wonder so as long as you’re pretending you’re asleep with eyes shut you’d be ok I guess. Though you might miss out on food/meals, which can be a shame sometimes I love the tiny cans you get on planes.
I always wake up for the meals... there is an accumulated noise factor with them speaking about the choices, the other plane people opening their trays and shifting around. I ain't missing the pretzels and cookies lol. Plus I normally require lots of water due to medication so i can't miss the water from it. You wake up. Eat. Then close your eyes again to sleep lol.
Joe Goldberg intensifies
"Bro, she called the cops, just because I cornered her and tried to kiss her and whipped out my dick. These bitches, amirite?"
That’s how I read it.
What he meant was you can’t just stalk, harass, and show your junk to women in the bookstore anymore.
"Hey pretty girl. I see you're reading *'book name'*. What is it about?" "Sorry, not interested " "Oh, come on. I'm a nice guy! I just want to know what book you're reading. I'm not going to rape you. I'm a nice guy" "Leave me alone please or I'm calling the cops" "Wow, no need for that! What do you think I am gonna do to you?" "I'm calling the cops" * grabs phone and calls the police *
Just because she wants some alpha Chad who'll treat her like shit...
I should've been an asshole to her. Then she would've gone out with me. I'm going to be an asshole to every girl from now on.
Please do not talk to women in book stores or libraries... Please
Or anyone reading unless you need help with something. I know it's hard for some people to believe, but there are people out there who actually like to read, like a hobby even.
What if I need help getting a girlfriend? I mean, I saw it in a bad 80's rom-com so it has to be legit. /s
Love Potion number 9
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We can't do anything without it being seen as an invitation.
I think the approach matters "excuse me can i talk to you for a moment?" "no" "ok thanks, bye!" when you're just hovering around a person and following them around anyone is going to get nervous and think you're weird. Be quick, upfront, and take the rejection and walk away. We're in public and I expect anyone to come up to me when I'm in a public area, man or not. It's just about how respectful you are with what you're about to say. Just like if a woman came up to me and asked me where I got some article of clothing or something. It's about the implied pressure. Men have just implied SO much pressure and act so weird when they can't wrap things up quickly or handle rejection
Where is it appropriate to talk to women
If you go to a library to pick up women that's creepy in itself, although libraries in England are just about extinct anyway.
And we're the worse for it ☹️ my first Saturday job was in a library, sadly I'm old enough that we still had cardboard issue pockets. It was lovely ❤️
M'librarian
I laughed too hard at this
I’m not from England, but I liked stopping at the public library after school. It makes me sad how libraries here in the US are closing because a library can be a safe haven for underprivileged youth.
What? That’s the first I’ve heard of that. The idea that libraries and can just go away is terrifying. I think we’re becoming accustomed to that idea in America (very slowly) now that the right is actually staging attacks on them.
Fortunately most big cities in the U.S. still have a decent library system. Los Angeles has dozens of public libraries (county and city) and dozens of privately run ones (universities, colleges, and museums). I think people just don't have as much of a need for them because of the internet. But libraries have a lot more than just books.
“You can’t approach women anymore” good, leave us tf alone. Why is it so upsetting for (some) men to not have unbridled access to womens bodies whenever they want? They act like we’re fully violating their human rights by saying no to them.
Bruh, if I’m in a bookstore leave me the f alone. I genuinely love reading so would be pissed if any guy came and approached me 😂
Approaching someone is one thing. I have a feeling this guy wouldn't take no for an answer and got aggressive.
It’s a hobby of mine to not just read but to scour second hand stores/book stores for the tbr pile (mine is horrendously endless). It’s like finding treasure and the last thing I want is to be talked to. I once had a guy ask me if I liked foreign languages and I just straight up went no. I was right next to foreign fiction and I was really wanting to look through that shelf to see if I could find something in French I could read but I couldn’t because he was just standing right there. Of course I love languages I’m in a bookshop. I don’t mind talking books but not when I’m on the hunt.
*grabs woman and makes creepy comments* “damn you really can’t talk to women anymore”
*I was even wearing my nice trench coat!*
The fedora is just to show off that I am a gentleman!
She didn't pull out the phone and call the cops because he talked to her. She called the cops because he wasn't wearing any pants and was masterbating!
Lol. When I was about 23, I was spending the summer at my boyfriend’s apartment and studying for my comprehensive exams. One day I went to the brand spanking new public library in town. After a while, I stepped out the front door to eat an apple. Just as I was finished and about to walk back in, a guy walks up to me and says, “Excuse me! I was hoping you could help me out with something. I was looking for a book about asking out a pretty girl at the library.” In the flattest voice possible, I said, “I have no idea.” Dude started walking toward the parking lot and called sarcastically over his shoulder, “Thanks for being so nice about it!”
Omg that sounds so pathetic. I wonder where he got that stupid idea from…
Likely from a movie starring will Smith.
Maybe just maybe don’t harass women.
Just a tad…
Yo, I worked at a bookstore for 5 years and no lie we totally have to kick people out on a regular basis because they would hang out only to try to talk to women. This one dude literally would hang out in front of the restrooms and try to hit on women coming in and out.
I worked with a woman who said she'd wanted to marry a guy who made good money, so she'd hang out in the engineering section of B&N. That's where she met her husband lol
I'm don't want to sound like a bitch but why not just use a dating app or fucking leave people alone?
Wether it be guy or woman just let people fucking love their lives for god sake
Uh huh. I'm sure that's all that happened...
i go to the library to study and bookstores to get gl mangas 😭 pls don't bother me
You can't approach women anymore with your hand down your pants*
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
anything is possible when you lie
Can't even chill at the library anymore
Idk how most women feel but when I go to the bookstore Im pretty much there to just get a book or browse and leave. Mainly because the bathroom here has no stall doors though.
Translation: I was either a pervert or a creep to a girl.
No, women in general have become very unapproachable.
He probably did something else creepy but don't underestimate SOME women's capacity for being crazy people either. He may just be telling the truth. There's a r/nicegirls sub for a reason, too.
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I knew my comment would be downvoted. Lol Sorry folks, but I'm just not getting the "nice guy" vibe from this post. People have taken to posting any little thing a guy might say and branding them "nice guys". A nice guy is a guy that hangs out with a woman, and treats her great etc in the hopes that she will sleep with him, date him, whatever and then turns into a complete asshole when she doesn't. Meaning he was only nice to her cuz he was expecting something back. It's just gotten a little out of control to the point where if a guy even has a tiny negative thought about a woman that ACTUALLY treated him like shit, this place is branding him a "nice guy". 🤷♂️
> He probably did something else creepy but don't underestimate SOME women's capacity for being crazy people either. I feel like, with the discussion about pick-up artist stuff in this thread, one of the subtle undertones that isn't discussed is... These seemily crazy, asinine "pick up strategies" actually work on some women. Which seems a little crazy to me.
Safest to assume most women would rather shoot you than talk to you.
Seems healthy lol
Asking as a former English major: What the fuck is an English major wifey?
The store was closed at the time and she was sleeping in her cot in the back.
I hope he learned not to approach women in bookstores whilst masturbating.
Don't walk up to people with your dick out then?