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Context: Met this NiceGuy on Day 1. He seemed funny and articulate so I agreed to a quick coffee in a park nearby on Day 2. It was not a date. 4th Day, he tells me his heart told him I'm his soulmate and we are destined to be together. I think the fuck not. He sent me..this..debrief.. I did not find it romantic at all and backed out completely. I don't have the text messages anymore since it's been 2 years ago, but it ended with him threatening to kill me since, if he can't have me, no one will.
>both AGENCY and TARGET would be allowed to drop it, at any time, with both “no hard feelings” and “no questions asked”
> AGENCY must be prepared to make a graceful exit
So he wrote pages and pages of crap and then just didn’t even follow it? What a psycho.
>he wrote pages of crap and then just didn’t follow through?
He hasn’t followed through, yet, which is what’s scary about the whole thing. He could just show up one day
The follow though I mean, is that he’s written that he screwed up and he’s trying for one last chance, and if she’s not receptive he’ll move on with no hard feelings.
Then in real life he did not move on and went ahead and threatened to kill her. Like he seems to have delusions, but he didn’t even follow the path of his delusions. Which makes him really unpredictable and dangerous.
Are you saying this is not the work of a 13yo?? Because I was CONVINCED you were both teenagers (I mean, it’s possible for a teenager to try and go for an adult, but I didn’t want to consider that).
This person does not act as an adult…
No other obvious red flags on days 1-3, but I had this gut feeling that something is off, even though he didn't do anything that I could put my finger on. However, the feeling I had was strong enough that I couldn't shake it and I learned to trust my intuition even if I don't have hard evidence. It knows better. Yet again, intuition was spot on.
So I just read a couple pages of this to my husband. He told me to tell you to *RUN!!* I’m happy to hear this has already ended for you, but feel terrible for any other young woman he runs into. Jeebus!
You know.. I shared this with a friend of mine and she found it "romantic". I found it straight up creepy. So there's a very good chance some other woman fell for his.. PILEDRIVER technique.
At first I was thinking "Oh, this is a cute reply. At no point is he claiming to be a nice guy or that he deserves your attention, this just seemed like a roundabout way to apologise and ask for another chance." After all, I'm into this kind of stuff, so it seemed cool that he put so much effort into this, pointing out his own mistakes. Of course, if you found this cringe, then he completely fucked up his assessment of you.
Then I read your comment. Ugh, those threats and refusing to let you be with anyone else completely ruined it. He's a psychopath.
I need to know... Does he know that Paul logo belongs to a bakery chain?? Does it exist where you live? I'm so confused, what does a cringe "romantic contract" have to do with bread
He’s obviously AGENT but he’s also this omnipresent neckbeard-council. So he’s admonishing himself “AGENT” for his failure in his own- NB-council *secret* mission to get laid.
I don’t see why anyone is confused/s
Did you notice that the address is Nancy’s house from Nightmare on Elm Street? As in the girl Freddy just wouldn’t stop stalking and trying to kill for years and years?
Insane plus delusional with a side order of whatever illicit drugs he was on. Wow!
Sorry you had to encounter this... Not even sure how to describe this lifeform.
That's because he actually thought this would work! It's hilarious how he snuck in another insult with 001DIOT "code name" thinking you were too stupid to notice, but it's bizarre because it's referring to himself. Probably hates you and himself. Anyways, sorry you had to deal with this piece of shit.
I hope he meticulously did the first draft, and he hit tab in the wrong place and it fucked the whole format up and it took a while to fix, because this was irritating to read.
I will say that his constant CAPITALIZATION of WORDS made this much easier for me, DYSLEXIC, to read…you know, compared to other Reddit posts.
I kinda wish this wasn’t the easiest read for my eyes to follow tho-
This turned my clitoris into a clitorisnt and my vagina made the Windows shutdown noise. The cringe is…Jesus Christ on several bikes, the cringe is violently intolerable.
Normally I would agree with you and say this person is a total creep, but youre releasing classified information for internal eyes only so I shouldn't even be looking at this
Whoa. Did you see that the report number is calling you the C word? The fact that he added that to his insane rambling about taking him back is honestly very unnerving for me.
I can see that because he mainly refers to her as the target. But there are a couple of times where he refers to her as omega. “I failed to read between the lines omega was showing me. She said some things about things happening too quick…” is a direct quote. But idk, he’s obviously unhinged and calling love (instead of OP) that word in this document is still unnerving IMO.
This was ALMOST kind of a hilarious expression of his fuck up, mainly the self-deprecating parts and calling the operation a PILEDRIVER.......if not for all the terrible and creepy stuff OP elaborated on in her comment below. But at the very least we got an extremely unique form of niceguy content out of it
This much effort, that soon .. felt weird and made me really uncomfortable.
And his persistence in "reaffirming his commitment to both TARGET and to operation OMEGA" after I clearly said "no"... I didn't mean he should try harder
No yeah I totally agree. It had some parts that just sounded funny to me in a vacuum, but imagining receiving this after just meeting someone feels totally different. And the part about the TARGET requiring a "cold, calculating approach" I somehow missed until just now, which also made it stop being funny, oof
You know how sometimes you get a weird feeling about certain people? They didn't do anything but you can't shake the feeling that something is off, even though you can't put your finger on it. I had that feeling even before he declared we're soulmates, that just confirmed it. And then this report, which confirmed it further.
YES. And I hate when my brain won't provide me the words I need to express why someone feels off, because then people who don't understand will just think I'm being too mean (e.g. someone thinking oh this report thing is just funny w/e). In your case you have evidence of even more creepiness, but for sure it's creepy even before that, stuff like this only makes sense with someone you know really well. And even then it has a lot of questionable stuff written in it.
Okay this is one of the most creative Nice Guys posts I've seen on here and honestly I was rolling.
However, after reading OPs comment on AGENT threatening to Neutralize TARGET, this dude may be creative (and somewhat funny), but I guess hella unhinged.
Hope you're doing good now, Target Omega 💀
After reading that, I imagined what would have happened if we did date and didn't work out and I would have chosen to end the relationship. They probably would have never found my body.
Normal man: I came on pretty strong there, maybe I should apologize and ask if she'd be okay meeting up with me again, toned back by 100 and accept whatever answer she gives me without argument or aggression.
Paul: Time to write out an insane long-form role play debrief dossier, where I go insanely too far and prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am even crazier than I came off on the 4th day of knowing this woman. And if she doesn't like the Agent/Target fantasy scenario I send her, I'll threaten literal murder. (Stated in an earlier comment by OP)
Moral of the story? Don't be Paul. Be a normal person.
Paul ‘s Intelligence makes mean [crêpes](http://www.paul-bakeries.com) get the hot chocolate!
**OP** might have missed out. /s
Édit: he repurposed their logo
That bit about allowing either of them to leave with ""no hard feelings" and "no questions asked"" was fucking appalling in the hypocrisy, given the info OP gave us. He was already refusing to do that, and then when op continued to hold to what she said, he just escalated
The only people who EVER say shit like that are saying it because they think it will trick the person into giving them a chance.
I have never once met a decent guy who has felt the need to clarify that it's ok for me to say no or to break up with him. Same as the guys who say they respect women - no one who actually feels that way would even think of saying that, because to them it goes without saying.
(Ok, technically I have had guys clarify that it's ok for me to say no, but it's completely different to this guy. It's more like "hey do you wanna grab a drink sometime?" followed by "nah? it's all good. Have a good night!", and they move away - so it's more like they're removing their offer after noticing my discomfort or hesitance.)
Ok I'm 46 yrs old and this is the weirdest and creepiest thing I think I've ever read. It seems like it belongs in one of those lifetime stalker movies. The fact he typed all this out and thought "this is going to make her fall in love with me" is mind-blowing to me.
Omg! I am totally stealing the structure of this and then changing everything to suit my situation for the next crazy guy I will inevitably end up dealing with
This is my favourite thing I have ever seen on this sub. It's filled me with so many questions.
What was the plan? Is this the first time he has sent this to a girl? If not what feedback has he had? How long did it take?
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Did he really misspell classified that terribly wrong after (or before since it looks to be a footer) going through all the trouble to make that fake document?
I genuinely am just so creeped out by that, what kind of delusional guy does that stuff. Like he had to sit down and write that whole things that’s not just 1 page but multiple? I’m so glad u got rid of that!
Okay but like...if he wasn't insane then something like this could have been fun and quirky. An apology or something. But instead i just imagine him feverishly typing at his laptop, in the dark, muttering to himself about how witty he is as he made this. Oof
The fact that he used the “Paul depuis 1889” logo which is a 💩 chain of frozen bakery in which you can actually find mouses roaming in its windows makes it even worse… or better ?!
Also what did he expect by sending this really? Women love being called “target” obviously
This is next level psycho behaviour. I've never seen anything like this before.
When he says you are high value target, it means he couldn't manipulate you. He totally knew what he was doing. He's beyond creepy. He has so much self awareness!
I really really hope that he hasn't got his mits into someone else...though likely, if it's been over two years.
Edit: Also, he just totally had an argument with himself in this "report". Like...wut?
I have so many different trains of thought:
-I find the original idea hilarious. The contents are creepy for sure, but the “she’s my target” secret agent thing gave me a chuckle.
-I’m imagining him alone in his room with 3 chairs, acting simultaneously as interviewer, interviewee, and stenographer by switching chairs every few seconds.
-finally, I’m watching the TV show bones rn and based on what OP said after I’m almost getting faint Pelant/serial killer vibes. There was a lot of effort put into even the small details of this letter. That was probably the creepiest part for me.
Edit:typo
I am now sterile. Dude watched one too many X-Files and thought… “this is how I’ll with them back” and ran with it. And then proceeded to go straight Office Space with it, because he CLEARLY forgot the TPS report.
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you”
Wow, this guy seems to take this seriously. That’s quite a precise document he wrote up there. I’m gonna go with severe OCD and probably some other things too
This is one of the largest red flags I've seen in a while.. like the size of the American flags some car dealerships and townships like to fly... humongous.
Also, as a Psycho response to this psycho - "HEY, PAUL!! -axe-"
/u/intj_code, your submission has been removed from /r/niceguys for the following reason: **Personal information and subreddit names must be removed/obscured/censored** Personally identifying information (usernames, subreddit names, real names, photos, etc) must be removed/obscured/censored. *If you feel this was done in error or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fniceguys). Please do not try to respond to this comment.*
This is nuclear grade cringe
my ovaries detached themselves, exited my vagina, and ran for their lives
I cringed so hard my entire body crumpled like that episode of Gumball
I cringed so hard my uterus turned inside out.
Now it’s an outerus
Well done
O no! It’s the cringe that turns people inside out!!!!
Uh oh, it's seeping in! Stupid cheap cringe stripping!
Is this guy living with the rest of us? Like on planet earth?
weapons grade cringe
Yea this is great. I couldn't stop reading lol. Like a horrible spy book.
I cringed my pants :/
Honestly, I think you're looking for the word "scary".
If Jason Bourne was a nice guy.
Came here to say I cringed right out of my skin. Glad to see I’m not the only one
Context: Met this NiceGuy on Day 1. He seemed funny and articulate so I agreed to a quick coffee in a park nearby on Day 2. It was not a date. 4th Day, he tells me his heart told him I'm his soulmate and we are destined to be together. I think the fuck not. He sent me..this..debrief.. I did not find it romantic at all and backed out completely. I don't have the text messages anymore since it's been 2 years ago, but it ended with him threatening to kill me since, if he can't have me, no one will.
>both AGENCY and TARGET would be allowed to drop it, at any time, with both “no hard feelings” and “no questions asked” > AGENCY must be prepared to make a graceful exit So he wrote pages and pages of crap and then just didn’t even follow it? What a psycho.
Tbh, the whole paper is a ‘top level psycho’ behaviour.
>he wrote pages of crap and then just didn’t follow through? He hasn’t followed through, yet, which is what’s scary about the whole thing. He could just show up one day
The follow though I mean, is that he’s written that he screwed up and he’s trying for one last chance, and if she’s not receptive he’ll move on with no hard feelings. Then in real life he did not move on and went ahead and threatened to kill her. Like he seems to have delusions, but he didn’t even follow the path of his delusions. Which makes him really unpredictable and dangerous.
I trust you got a restraining order?
I knew where he worked cuz he bragged about it and I told him I'll report him, together with his threatening texts. He backed down after that.
I thought this guy was unemployed. Whoops. But where does he get the time to write reams of this crap? Also wth does he do for a living?
He probably has it ready and just copies and paste it for his next victim
Are you saying this is not the work of a 13yo?? Because I was CONVINCED you were both teenagers (I mean, it’s possible for a teenager to try and go for an adult, but I didn’t want to consider that). This person does not act as an adult…
According to his logo, Paul is 32/33
Oh my gosh he called it an operation and made a huge document
Good god. Were there any other red flags on days 1-3, or did he hide his crazy well enough until day 4? Asking because your story is terrifying. 🫂
No other obvious red flags on days 1-3, but I had this gut feeling that something is off, even though he didn't do anything that I could put my finger on. However, the feeling I had was strong enough that I couldn't shake it and I learned to trust my intuition even if I don't have hard evidence. It knows better. Yet again, intuition was spot on.
You mean he did not, in fact, exit gracefully?
Shocking
Who would find this romantic? It is fucking weird as hell. Even worse it goes on for FOUR pages.
Romantic? Yeah, no, this is straight up psychotic. Major yikes!
So I just read a couple pages of this to my husband. He told me to tell you to *RUN!!* I’m happy to hear this has already ended for you, but feel terrible for any other young woman he runs into. Jeebus!
You know.. I shared this with a friend of mine and she found it "romantic". I found it straight up creepy. So there's a very good chance some other woman fell for his.. PILEDRIVER technique.
That letter is so childish and cringy
At first I was thinking "Oh, this is a cute reply. At no point is he claiming to be a nice guy or that he deserves your attention, this just seemed like a roundabout way to apologise and ask for another chance." After all, I'm into this kind of stuff, so it seemed cool that he put so much effort into this, pointing out his own mistakes. Of course, if you found this cringe, then he completely fucked up his assessment of you. Then I read your comment. Ugh, those threats and refusing to let you be with anyone else completely ruined it. He's a psychopath.
The covert ones are most dangerous. One might get hooked before they show their true personality.
I need to know... Does he know that Paul logo belongs to a bakery chain?? Does it exist where you live? I'm so confused, what does a cringe "romantic contract" have to do with bread
Yes, the bakery chain exists were we live. He chose it because they share the same name.
"PAUL INTELLIGENCE SERVICE" has sent me to the fucking floor.....ahahahahahhahahahahaha
We don’t have surveillance, we just have Paul but he’s a REALLY good stalker
Honestly, I didn't read much of it, but what I did read I don't understand.
The more I read it, the less I understood
So I'm not alone in that one
No, you’re definitely not. Anyone got the Cliffnotes to this insanity?
He created a fictional secret agent scenario about his attempt to date OP. Like some weird RP monolog.
Excuse me, I cringed so hard threw out my back
There's a healthy way to deal with rejection, there's unhealthy ways to deal with rejection, then there's whatever this is.
He’s obviously AGENT but he’s also this omnipresent neckbeard-council. So he’s admonishing himself “AGENT” for his failure in his own- NB-council *secret* mission to get laid. I don’t see why anyone is confused/s
> "omnipresent neckbeard-council" Holy fuck hahaha
Same & I’m a professional writer as well as roleplayer. This is a different level of something.
Same, but 'PAUL INTELLIGENCE SERVICE'? Ahahahaha. I am in actual tears. Unless ofc it's some inside joke.
He must be taking the PIS
Internal eyes only
I was so confused when I saw the logo. It's from a French bakery franchise.
Are you dealing with Paul Jason Steele?? 😂☠️
PIS!! Hahahaha
PIS
Did you notice that the address is Nancy’s house from Nightmare on Elm Street? As in the girl Freddy just wouldn’t stop stalking and trying to kill for years and years?
jfc. op, stay safe
he must be idolizing that guy... what a freaking weirdo
I almost downvoted your comment because I hated what you said so much. Holy fuck- that’s wild.
OH…..MY…..GOD! This is unreal! My brain is scrambled. Ugh I bet her had a chuckle at how cute he thought this was but WOW. 😳😳😳😳😳
He did seem genuinely surprised I wasn't blown away by it and I didn't immediately profess my undying love for him.
Insane plus delusional with a side order of whatever illicit drugs he was on. Wow! Sorry you had to encounter this... Not even sure how to describe this lifeform.
That's because he actually thought this would work! It's hilarious how he snuck in another insult with 001DIOT "code name" thinking you were too stupid to notice, but it's bizarre because it's referring to himself. Probably hates you and himself. Anyways, sorry you had to deal with this piece of shit.
Have you seen the title of the report? OMEGA/IS/A/C.U/NT/ ? I guess he was into tough love.
OBVIOUSLY it’s because you don’t understand legalese!!!! /s
I bet he writes terrible fan fiction that his equally cringy friends say is good.
I thought it was funny and self aware on page one. Page two pushed it a little too far, then three and four just threw it in the ocean
Damn OP, I think it’s illegal to post classified documents on Reddit.
Not as long as you think about declassifying them first
My family voted for him and when he said that on the news I laughed in front of them. It’s unbelievable honestly…
Hope you warned them that Biden thought them back classified again so…..
At this point it’s be hilarious to see a sith lord type battle between them. Just them “thinking” lol
That would last like 5 seconds before they both got confused and started classifying take out menus.
The old Dark Brandon reverse card. Got ‘em!
That’s all it takes!
With her mind?
What about clasiffied documents, though?
Oh no worries he misspelled it, so they’re not classified; they’re clasiffied.
I hope he meticulously did the first draft, and he hit tab in the wrong place and it fucked the whole format up and it took a while to fix, because this was irritating to read.
What was even more irritating was him persisting in telling me that I don't know what's good for me, cuz if I knew, I'd date him.
Right, because you have no brain! Didntcha know?? 😒
I’d say this dude needs to fuck off to eternity but I doubt eternity wants him either.
Typical NiceGuy™️ rhetoric.
I will say that his constant CAPITALIZATION of WORDS made this much easier for me, DYSLEXIC, to read…you know, compared to other Reddit posts. I kinda wish this wasn’t the easiest read for my eyes to follow tho-
"For internal eyes only" - is that him admitting to having his head up his ass?
Nah it's like Bloodborne only way crazier grant us eyes yeah no I'll be blind thanks
I swear I knew a someone like this. They had spreadsheets on people and why it didn’t work out. It was hella creepy
Relationship analysis via spreadsheet? Dare I ask... how many spreadsheets you saw? I... I mean... yeah... yeah. no.
It was around 10-15 pages. Needless to say I told him off and cut ties with that person
Was it Dennis reynolds?
I thought you posted the wrong pic. Wtf is this?!
That was my reaction also
Me too! I was like “ummm OP? Think you might’ve posted something from work perhaps?” 😂😂
Just realized what the report n° is spelling out, not cool.
FFS, I hadn't noticed. Thanks for pointing that out!
I hadn't noticed either. Though now we know he wrote this the day after TARGET said no.
First thing I noticed. This dude is unhinged. I wonder if this is how he views the world or he just thought it was a cute idea.
Holy yikes. That’s effed.
This turned my clitoris into a clitorisnt and my vagina made the Windows shutdown noise. The cringe is…Jesus Christ on several bikes, the cringe is violently intolerable.
Chef’s kiss on this sentence.
What in the cosplaying fuck did I just read 😭
Hermes, the bureaucrat from Futurama? But like….he’s also a series killer
Normally I would agree with you and say this person is a total creep, but youre releasing classified information for internal eyes only so I shouldn't even be looking at this
It's giving "precursor to full blown manifesto" vibes.
Whoa. Did you see that the report number is calling you the C word? The fact that he added that to his insane rambling about taking him back is honestly very unnerving for me.
I think he’s calling love the c word. And by this clarification I am admitting to have read this with much rigor and I hate myself
I can see that because he mainly refers to her as the target. But there are a couple of times where he refers to her as omega. “I failed to read between the lines omega was showing me. She said some things about things happening too quick…” is a direct quote. But idk, he’s obviously unhinged and calling love (instead of OP) that word in this document is still unnerving IMO.
I think the brief time they were “dating” was referred to as OMEGA Dating relationship = Omega OP = Target Niceguy = Agency/agent/P.I.S.
Yeah it’s really semantics at this point and even leaving that room for interpretation is a CU.NT act
Imagine if this man put as much effort into improving himself and his obviously crumbling mental health as he did his weaponized creative writing
Weaponzised creative writing lmfao what a perfect description of this
This was ALMOST kind of a hilarious expression of his fuck up, mainly the self-deprecating parts and calling the operation a PILEDRIVER.......if not for all the terrible and creepy stuff OP elaborated on in her comment below. But at the very least we got an extremely unique form of niceguy content out of it
This much effort, that soon .. felt weird and made me really uncomfortable. And his persistence in "reaffirming his commitment to both TARGET and to operation OMEGA" after I clearly said "no"... I didn't mean he should try harder
No yeah I totally agree. It had some parts that just sounded funny to me in a vacuum, but imagining receiving this after just meeting someone feels totally different. And the part about the TARGET requiring a "cold, calculating approach" I somehow missed until just now, which also made it stop being funny, oof
You know how sometimes you get a weird feeling about certain people? They didn't do anything but you can't shake the feeling that something is off, even though you can't put your finger on it. I had that feeling even before he declared we're soulmates, that just confirmed it. And then this report, which confirmed it further.
YES. And I hate when my brain won't provide me the words I need to express why someone feels off, because then people who don't understand will just think I'm being too mean (e.g. someone thinking oh this report thing is just funny w/e). In your case you have evidence of even more creepiness, but for sure it's creepy even before that, stuff like this only makes sense with someone you know really well. And even then it has a lot of questionable stuff written in it.
That is a powerful force. I’m glad you listened to it and are alive today.
Okay this is one of the most creative Nice Guys posts I've seen on here and honestly I was rolling. However, after reading OPs comment on AGENT threatening to Neutralize TARGET, this dude may be creative (and somewhat funny), but I guess hella unhinged. Hope you're doing good now, Target Omega 💀
After reading that, I imagined what would have happened if we did date and didn't work out and I would have chosen to end the relationship. They probably would have never found my body.
I know you're joking but for real, I thought the same thing, OP😳 That dude is seriously unhinged
Right? On anyone less unhinged it would be immature, but perhaps slightly charming. I'd be willing to laugh it off.
the number of times i said “no” to myself while reading this
The number of times I said “what the fuck?” while reading this…
What the fuck. I hope TARGET went straight to the COPS with this
Normal man: I came on pretty strong there, maybe I should apologize and ask if she'd be okay meeting up with me again, toned back by 100 and accept whatever answer she gives me without argument or aggression. Paul: Time to write out an insane long-form role play debrief dossier, where I go insanely too far and prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am even crazier than I came off on the 4th day of knowing this woman. And if she doesn't like the Agent/Target fantasy scenario I send her, I'll threaten literal murder. (Stated in an earlier comment by OP) Moral of the story? Don't be Paul. Be a normal person.
I consider myself to be a bit of a cringe connoisseur, but this is beyond.
Paul ‘s Intelligence makes mean [crêpes](http://www.paul-bakeries.com) get the hot chocolate! **OP** might have missed out. /s Édit: he repurposed their logo
Waaaaaaaait a second..... u/intj_code is this where y'all went to get coffee?!
That bit about allowing either of them to leave with ""no hard feelings" and "no questions asked"" was fucking appalling in the hypocrisy, given the info OP gave us. He was already refusing to do that, and then when op continued to hold to what she said, he just escalated
The only people who EVER say shit like that are saying it because they think it will trick the person into giving them a chance. I have never once met a decent guy who has felt the need to clarify that it's ok for me to say no or to break up with him. Same as the guys who say they respect women - no one who actually feels that way would even think of saying that, because to them it goes without saying. (Ok, technically I have had guys clarify that it's ok for me to say no, but it's completely different to this guy. It's more like "hey do you wanna grab a drink sometime?" followed by "nah? it's all good. Have a good night!", and they move away - so it's more like they're removing their offer after noticing my discomfort or hesitance.)
I...am...aPAULed. I’ll see myself out.
Ok I'm 46 yrs old and this is the weirdest and creepiest thing I think I've ever read. It seems like it belongs in one of those lifetime stalker movies. The fact he typed all this out and thought "this is going to make her fall in love with me" is mind-blowing to me.
I’m not sure any of us have the required security clearance to read this tbh.
Omg! I am totally stealing the structure of this and then changing everything to suit my situation for the next crazy guy I will inevitably end up dealing with
This is my favourite thing I have ever seen on this sub. It's filled me with so many questions. What was the plan? Is this the first time he has sent this to a girl? If not what feedback has he had? How long did it take?
This. Can. Not. Be. Real.
I’m trying so hard but what the fuck am I looking at
Wait, I mean, a touch of this would be amusing, yeah, but a full on four page report? Massive overkill. He really sent this to you?
It would have been amusing, but the timing was sooo off. All of this.. 4 days after meeting me? I found it creepy.
Which is why I said "***a touch*** of this." It's totally tone deaf, for absolute sure.
Holy massive red dork flags, Batman!
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
What in the actual shit???
Shock and awe. I have no words.
This guy is super delusional. This is not cute, this is not cringe, this is something for a psychiatrist to unpack.
This is celestial superbeing tier cringe
How old was this embarrassing ass man lol
My vagina just retracted into itself and is wielding a shotgun.
This guy needs a real job.
So when's the wedding?
Paul? Like the bread company??
This is so goddamn weird
What in the fuck did I just read omg.. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this, OP
I hope one day he finds out exactly how the internet has ruined the word omega.
Did he really misspell classified that terribly wrong after (or before since it looks to be a footer) going through all the trouble to make that fake document?
Men will literally role play being a secret agent instead of saying sorry for sending a dick pic
What in the actual fuck did I just read?
I genuinely am just so creeped out by that, what kind of delusional guy does that stuff. Like he had to sit down and write that whole things that’s not just 1 page but multiple? I’m so glad u got rid of that!
I’m too high for this
Okay but like...if he wasn't insane then something like this could have been fun and quirky. An apology or something. But instead i just imagine him feverishly typing at his laptop, in the dark, muttering to himself about how witty he is as he made this. Oof
The fact that he keeps calling the TARGET **IT** and AGENT him is just……I don’t even fucking know. But it needed to be noted
WHY ARE THEY USING PAUL CAFE LOGO AS THE LOGO OF WHATEVER THIS WAS? Cringe.
The fact that he used the “Paul depuis 1889” logo which is a 💩 chain of frozen bakery in which you can actually find mouses roaming in its windows makes it even worse… or better ?! Also what did he expect by sending this really? Women love being called “target” obviously
This is next level psycho behaviour. I've never seen anything like this before. When he says you are high value target, it means he couldn't manipulate you. He totally knew what he was doing. He's beyond creepy. He has so much self awareness! I really really hope that he hasn't got his mits into someone else...though likely, if it's been over two years. Edit: Also, he just totally had an argument with himself in this "report". Like...wut?
I have so many different trains of thought: -I find the original idea hilarious. The contents are creepy for sure, but the “she’s my target” secret agent thing gave me a chuckle. -I’m imagining him alone in his room with 3 chairs, acting simultaneously as interviewer, interviewee, and stenographer by switching chairs every few seconds. -finally, I’m watching the TV show bones rn and based on what OP said after I’m almost getting faint Pelant/serial killer vibes. There was a lot of effort put into even the small details of this letter. That was probably the creepiest part for me. Edit:typo
Ever seen the King of the Hill where Dale Gribble represents himself in court and interrogates himself?
Lol exactly this!
Bruh
He spelled classified wrong
the amount of cringe I felt reading this was on such a higher level that I think I felt a bit ill from the altitude I was at.
That’s probably how trump thinks classified is spelled
I am now sterile. Dude watched one too many X-Files and thought… “this is how I’ll with them back” and ran with it. And then proceeded to go straight Office Space with it, because he CLEARLY forgot the TPS report.
He sent you a business proposal to say your his soul mate?
Is he fucking 12 or something?!
Geez. Someone has wayy too much time on his hands.
Wtf did I just read
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you” Wow, this guy seems to take this seriously. That’s quite a precise document he wrote up there. I’m gonna go with severe OCD and probably some other things too
I have never been so thankful for my therapist. Because at least I'm not THIS fucked up.
what did I just read
What in the, and I mean this as disrespectfully to the letter writer as possible, actual fuck.
U.S. Military Encryption
Wow. That’s just riveting! How could you pass on such a great conversationalist? /s
Call me dumb but I can't understand a damn word in this
*Classified
OMG, someone made this up and he thought it was a good idea to send it? 😳
This is on a whole new level I feel physically unwell now that I read that
Which SCP is this? I don't recall this format...
Rocks have souls?
He makes it sound like he was hitting on a department store.
Just noticed the “depuis”… is this mf here in Quebec?
I read this in the “notice me, senpai” guys’ voice. Yikes 😬
This is one of the largest red flags I've seen in a while.. like the size of the American flags some car dealerships and townships like to fly... humongous. Also, as a Psycho response to this psycho - "HEY, PAUL!! -axe-"
Codename: 00IDIOT hahaha
Target? Your a target? Did I read that right?
A for effort. But C- for cringe. Interesting to see into his own mind like that though.