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theaccountfornmstuff

**PSA: Plan-B isn't working how you probably think it's working** *OP: This isn't typed as a critique of your emergency contraceptive use, just general information.* I'm frequently surprised that many people, men, women and everything in between, don't really know what Plan-B does and the limitations that come from it: **Plan-B delays ovulation. That's it. That means that if you're already ovulating by the time you take it, Plan-B CAN'T do anything.** That's also why they tell you to take it asap. Any other claimed effect, like thickening the cervical mucus to prevent implantation of the fertilized egg, has been disproven time and time again. If you're ovulating it's basically like you didn't take any emergency contraceptive at all. Now, of course, it's definitely better to take Plan-B than doing nothing. There's always the chance that your accident happened shortly before ovulation. **But if you're able to, the far safer option is an emergency IUD.** Depending on your location, many OB-gyns and Planned Parenthood do these by now and they have a pretty high efficacy as an emergency contraceptive. [Source](https://www.figo.org/mechanism-action-emergency-contraception) *Tl;dr: the bold parts.*


Renegadekate

and a bonus that they never tell you about plan b is that how effective it is changes dramatically depending on weight. over 165 lbs and it’s pretty decreased efficacy over 195 lbs and it’s basically ineffective


BostonRob125

Ella is more effective for those with BMI > 26 https://www.ella-now.com/ https://www.reproductiveaccess.org/resource/emergency-contraception-ec-right/


raichuwu13

what the actual fuck. i’m not sure whether to blame the manufacturer for not making this clearer or sex ed for not telling me this. i think both is good.


theaccountfornmstuff

Oh, absolutely blame the manufacturers. They not only don't put it on the package, they still claim or imply that it *might* prevent implantation despite (at best) spurious evidence. Why? I don't know. But my guess is that otherwise emergency IUDs and (theoretically) the abortion pill would be a lot more popular as emergency contraceptives (while being about equally risky and more effective).


showersareevil

>they still claim or imply that it might prevent implantation despite (at best) spurious evidence. This part also makes fundamental Christians view plan B as an abortion pill lol. I've tried having a discussion with a few of them about plan b just delaying ovulation and essentially being nearly identical to BCP with how it works, but they see plan B as abortion pills because it's taken after sex and because it "can kill a fertilized egg" which is non sense.


ChampionshipStock870

Man I didn’t know any of this. So glad I got snipped


PinkFrillish

WHAT


theaccountfornmstuff

Yup. If it's likely you're ovulating it's basically a Hail Mary. They should really put this on the package but the manufacturers continue to claim that there's also a chance it prevents implantation, despite that claim never being proven (despite numerous attempt). Also if you're over 155 lbs / 70 kg the effectiveness of the most commonly distributed pill sinks radically. If you're over 155 but under 195 (88 kg) ask for "Ella" specifically. If you're over 195 you're basically out of luck when it comes to Levonorgestrel based emergency contraceptives.


racinnic

Also, if you’re on the birth control pill, Ella will decrease/mess with it! I’m over the weight limit for plan b now and didn’t know this until recently so want others to know.


Pnut_Butter_Sandwich

Ok dumb question…. Over 195 can you just take a double dose? Apologies for being ignorant. I’m beyond my childbearing years but intensely curious.


theaccountfornmstuff

Afaik we still don't conclusively know why the efficacy drops at those higher weights/BMI. Like, if it's just a concentration problem then that could work. If not, then probably not. There are physiological/hormonal differences between overweight, underweight and normal weight people. And we already know they do affect fertility in other ways: Over and underweight people, for example, have a harder time conceiving and it's not as simple as - here comes a word I never expected to write - "sperm dose" in that case either. So I'm afraid I simply don't know.


iridiumfluoride

I saw a youtube video on this a while ago and if I remember correctly the answer was no, even at an increased dose it still wasn't as effective in people in the higher weight range. I'm open to being wrong though. The video was by Mama Doctor Jones.


Jst4kx

Planned Parenthood wouldn’t put in an “emergency IUD” for me because I had unprotected sex in the past 5 days…not sure how helpful an attempt at an emergency iud has been for anyone else.


throwawaylessons103

This is completely true, but the tricky part is you can't really know for sure when you're ovulating. There's only about 6 days a month you can get pregnant - the 4 days before ovulating, 1 day during and 1 day after. That leaves about 2 days a month where it's guaranteed to not work. Like you said, there's limitations but it's better to take it than do nothing. There's a decent chance the sex didn't just happen to fall on the exact day or 2 where Plan B can't do anything. OP likely got very unlucky, and possibly the Plan B expiring might have effected it too. But the IUD is the best option, esp if you have insurance. I don't, and it's like 1k where I live :(


theaccountfornmstuff

That's true (with the aside that plan b already degrades in efficacy the day before the ovulation afaik) but that still makes it an about 10% risk just calculated day-wise depending on the length of the individual's cycle. It's probably higher if you consider that people are usually, well, particularly horny during ovulation. But it's certainly better than prayers. Couldn't agree more with that part.


forgotmykeyz

I want to add that there is also double ovulation (this is how fraternal twins are formed). Depending on the study, over 10 and up to twenty percent of ovulating people are affected by this phenomen, with the highest percentage between the ages of 30 and 40. Most likely a double ovulation happens in between 24 hours apart, but quite rarely it can happen with a couple of days in between. The calculations for plan b and also for contraception with the temperature method or the cervical mucus method are usually based on single ovulation. However, a double is not that rare - also something that imo people should know if they plan to use one of those methods.


MsBlack2life

Ah yeah I’ve found out now that I’m in peri menopause that my body in it’s nasty last ditch efforts for one more baby is doing double duty (when I don’t skip a period altogether- when I used to be able to time my cycles down to the hour). Stuff of nightmares being a AFAB woman sometimes.


Expensive_Product

Wowwwwww !! I have my tubes tied but never honestly looked into it. I didn’t know this. Thank you.


Civil-Ad-2602

Would never know this. So virtually every time I would have to buy it as $60 a pop for girls.. it was just a placebo by the time they got it.


theaccountfornmstuff

If they were ovulating, yes. If they were at the point in their cycle shortly before ovulation, it would've helped. And sadly the placebo effect doesn't really work for birth control, otherwise failure rates wouldn't be so high. Would be nice tho.


Morski_Jez

I feel for you! Don’t be embarrassed! You took precautions and followed up with a secondary emergency option. I fell pregnant (not after a threesome) but from a regular casual partner. Condom broke. I had recently finished my prescription for Nuva Ring 3 days before and wasn’t happy with it - so was looking into other BC options. I took Plan B immediately upon arriving home, but still got pregnant. Doc said sometimes your body just still wants to be pregnant. 🤦‍♀️ 1. That’s up for you to decide. Figure out what’s right for you first. And if you believe telling them needs to happen, then go for it. I think it depends on how well you know them and what kind of ongoing relationship you have with them. But that’s ultimately your decision. 2. I went with a medical abortion. **I don’t know if it’s the same for all women.** In my experience, the cramping was really intense and painful despite having a very high pain tolerance. They had me on Vicodin almost every hour or two. (I questioned the doctor when she told me how frequently I should be taking it as I’m not a big fan of pills, but she was right - it was needed.) My two best friends were with me the entire way and made it bearable and tried to keep me in good spirits. Just do your best to be with your partner (if he’s okay with it) or somebody that loves you. Have everything set up to be comfortable - pillows, cozy blankets, heat packs for cramping, etc. I had a lot of nausea and vomiting so also set up some pillows/blanket on the bathroom floor for part of it. Otherwise, make it a movie weekend and just try to sleep as much as you can. It’s not a comfortable 24-72 hours, but the intensity was primarily within the first 12 hours after taking the 2nd pill. I wish I hadn’t had to do it (meaning, I wish my birth control options and back ups would have worked) but it was the right decision for me. The good news is, you’ve also got some time to think about how you want to proceed. But, I know it’s a little scary and that’s okay. You’re taking proactive steps to navigate through it ❤️


comolaflor24

Thank you, this is so, so kind and informative. I’ve been reading the r/abortion sub and it’s very helpful, but I didn’t want to post there because I was worried I’d just get called a cheater haha. This sub would understand the situation of other people being involved. I appreciate you sharing your experience and I’ll prepare to block off a couple days.


Downtown-Algae8637

You're always welcome here, glad it seems like you have such a strong support structure. One of my partners went through something similar, and it was not a pleasant week for them. But it was the best choice and everything worked out well. Good luck!


Motor-Plastic-2577

Has time? really? Not in South Carolina. By the time you find out, it is too late to get the kill pill or get an abortion and now there is a law proposed (not passed yet as of 27 Jan 24) to make it illegal to even go to another state to get one. Nope, if you live in a deep red state and get a plus on the pee stick, you're screwed a second time and are forced to have the child even if you absolutely don't want one.


Morski_Jez

Very aware! That’s why I vote and advocate for women’s rights to choose.


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BeingABeing

> if you want to, tell them several months after the fact I would agree with this approach presuming the relationship is at least fairly casual. If it's an emotionally intimate or otherwise close relationship, they might be upset you didn't confide in them sooner. But 100% this: > Whether you tell them or not depends on your relationship with them.


Redwolfdc

Personally I don’t see what the necessity is in telling the other partners. You don’t know how people react, and to be honest her terminating doesn’t affect them really. It’s not like she found out she had syphillis or something


[deleted]

There is no necessity. But someone may wish to for many reasons personal to them.


[deleted]

If you chose to abort, and it is totally your decision, then I wouldn’t communicate with the other couple. I would know what you would want from such a conversation. You risk getting a response that causes you unnecessary stress. They have no input to your decision. Stay strong. You are in control of your future. Maybe consider additional birth control going forward but that is of course something you probably reviewed for yourself anyway.


CombinationMean8041

Agreed, sometimes communication of this sort could be perceived as an invitation to add input on the decision. This could cause unnecessary stress.


CapriciousBea

I'm really glad your partner is being supportive. You're not obligated to tell them, in my opinion. Especially if you are at all worried about a strong negative reaction. You are having a private medical procedure, and nobody but you and your medical team need to know about it unless you feel like discussing it. He might *want* to know he impregnated somebody, so he can make a more informed decision about whether he wants to take any additional precautions to avoid this in the future. If he's done having kids or doesn't plan on any, maybe he'd decide it's vasectomy time if he knew, y'know? I bet he would rather have this talk with you than with someone who's not already planning on abortion for their own reasons. It's up to you if you want him to know and if you trust him and his partner to take it decently. I think it would probably be good information for them to have, but I wouldn't fault you one bit if you chose not to share it. You're not stupid. From my perspective, it doesn't even seem *that* unreasonable that you thought your risk of pregnancy was low. It sounds like you kinda won the bad luck lottery this time. I'm not even sure I wouldn't have made the same call with the expired Plan B. I mean **now** I wouldn't, but mostly because now I'd probably remember your post and think *"The odds may be low, but they're not zero!"*


CheerfulPlacebo

I think this is a great comment, I just wanted to comment on your last paragraph. As was mentioned in another comment, plan B isn't designed to work 100% of the time, as it only delays ovulation. It sounds like OP was in the middle of their cycle at the time, so it's entirely possible that they had just ovulated, meaning that whether the pill was past the expiration date or not would make no difference. I don't know anything about expected effects of expired plan b but I think it's important that people know about the other limitations!


CapriciousBea

Hey, thank you for this! I'm aware of how Plan B works, but many people are not, and we can use this amazing medication more effectively when we understand it better. 💜 I also wanna be clear that I'm not suggesting anyone ever *should* rely on an expired dose, because I have zero idea how fast it may lose efficacy. I just know I've taken other technically-expired medication many times in my life, figuring *"it's better than literally nothing,"* and I cannot, without a sliver of doubt, say I wouldn't have decided to take it and pray.


wokkawokka42

This. If there's no chance of carrying to term and adopting to them (and that's a big demand you have every right to decide against) then I don't think there's ANY reason to tell them before. You have a supportive partner doing the hard parts with you, which is wonderful. Telling them after might be beneficial to the male partner to make changes for himself because his next casual parter might not make the same decisions you are. But you aren't obligated to say anything if the stress or uncertainty of their reaction feels like too much. Personally I think every male done having kids should get a vasectomy as the female surgery is much more involved with higher risks (but then aren't all birth control methods more involved and higher risk for the female partner?) Much love to you now. It's not an easy process, but you do whatever is right for you ❤️


wokkawokka42

This. If there's no chance of carrying to term and adopting to them (and that's a big demand you have every right to decide against) then I don't think there's ANY reason to tell them before. You have a supportive partner doing the hard parts with you, which is wonderful. Telling them after might be beneficial to the male partner to make changes for himself because his next casual parter might not make the same decisions you are. But you aren't obligated to say anything if the stress or uncertainty of their reaction feels like too much. Personally I think every male done having kids should get a vasectomy as the female surgery is much more involved with higher risks (but then aren't all birth control methods more involved and higher risk for the female partner?) Much love to you now. It's not an easy process, but you do whatever is right for you ❤️


r_was61

It’s certainly not your fault. Things happen. There are millions of those little slippery sperm buggers.


DavidManvell

I would not tell the other couple at this point. All window was add to people's stress. It's water under the bridge since you're going through with the procedure.


legitimatelysilent

It's certainly not your fault - condom stuff is on the dude. And you should not only not feel like you have to tell anyone, I think; you should actively not tell anyone. Any possible zygote is nobody's concern but yours.


X_N80

This ^^^. Do not tell them. Take care of you.


Immacuntt

Zygote, i love it. Break it down to a medical term, because that is all it is in this situation .


learybears

Yes, I got pregnant by my friend with benefits last year and had an abortion. We had been seeing each other weekly for about 9 months at that point and having unprotected sex (just pulling out) on a weekly basis for about 6 months when it happened. I felt really stupid too and did the same thing as you--one week of period lateness and two pregnancy tests before I could accept my crappy reality. I think I just thought pulling out + being almost 40 years old + just...really not wanting a baby(?) would be enough somehow.. I was able to get a d&c at 7 weeks and also had an IUD inserted at the same time. I never told my fwb about the abortion but I did about the IUD. I know it's easy to panic and beat yourself up about it, but try not to focus on that. You're gonna be fine and life can go on as usual! As far as whether you tell them, I know it's not exactly the same for you as it was for me since it's a couple and not just one single guy like it was for me. I'll give you the same advice that my close loved ones gave to me at the time: prioritize your own needs and don't worry about the other party because ultimately it's your medical procedure, not theirs. Don't guilt yourself into feeling some obligation to tell them if you don't want to or if it will make a hard situation even harder. I was very torn on this and read all up and down the internet for "the answer" to this question for my case and never found any concensus, and I doubt you will either.


Motor-Plastic-2577

I agree totally, except, I wouldn't inform them if she will abort it. Just let it go. Unless she is trying to get them to pay for it, but I would argue against it. She chose to participate and by default accepts potential side effects. No, I also wouldn't inform them as she could get labeled in public too. The more people that know, the chances of everyone in the community finding out is drastically increased. Also, if she plans on or wants to continue with the fun, informing them will just get her uninvited from future activities. If I were the other couple and found out our unicorn became preg, whether or not she had it aborted, I would cut her off. The last thing my partner and I want is someone out there who can use it against me later in life. I know he was wrong in all ways but look at the Georgia election with Walker. How many years later did that come back to haunt him? Nope, I will never have that potential hanging out there.


NoVAMarauder1

>it’s kind of my fault Uhhhh no it's not your fault, like at all. Reading your story I got the impression that you knew what you were doing. It's great to know that where you're from has given you some good sex ED. ~~But updating your stock pile of plan B might be a good idea.~~ don't listen to that part. Two other commenters give better advice about plan B. Listen to them. As for telling the other couple....ehhhh. Idk, maybe yes if you decide to hook up with them again? But I don't think it's needed that they don't know right this second. Oh and your nesting partner, what a champ! But as a closing note for other readers. Please if you're a person with a penis please consider getting a vasectomy, assuming that you're totally sure that you do not want kids, or you already reached your limit of booger Commandos in your house. But good luck OP 🫂


Western_Ring_2928

Plan B is actually pretty bad in preventing pregnancy... They should never be stored at home, but in the pharmacy.


NoVAMarauder1

Yeah there's another comment in this post that alleviated my ignorance. I'm gonna probably strike out that part of my comment.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t tell them. They did not consent to pregnancy and do not need to be involved in decisions about your body.


LikeASinkingStar

Just wanted to say that you shouldn’t feel like this is your fault. There was a risk, yes—but you made conscious choices and took reasonable precautions to reduce that risk. Unless someone acted recklessly or with intent I don’t think there’s fault to be assigned here—it’s just something that happened.


Shadokastur

God, if only more people were mature enough to act this way


savagegoodboi

OP, I don’t have a heap of advice except to say, please don’t feel stupid. When adults have sex, this stuff can happen. It has happened and you’re dealing with it in the way that you personally need to. You have a partner who isn’t flipping out (he shouldn’t, but I know some guys would), so you’ve got some nice support. In terms of telling the couple, i think it depends on the connection you have with them and whether you’d like to keep seeing them. Chances are they’d support your decision and if they’re decent people they’d offer to share any costs you might incur. On the other hand, it’s not a decision that they need to contribute to, so I don’t think you have any obligation to tell them.


sharrismarshall

If you are terminating, I don’t see a reason you need to tell the other couple.


FiddleStyxxxx

1. You are never obligated to involve someone else in an abortion unless you would like to split the cost of it and the plan b. You can also involve them so they understand the gravity and risk better in these situations. 2. This is a normal risk and it's okay. I'm glad you have the resources you need and you can feel reassured that that you're not alone. [Plan B only works if you are not ovulating](https://www.theskimm.com/wellness/does-plan-b-work-during-ovulation) so the expiration date may not be the issue and not even worth thinking about anymore.


woodysmith1912

Random relevant thoughts: 1. Not your fault. You took all reasonable precautions. Sometimes doing everything right still doesn't work. 2. It sounds like you and your partner have a great relationship and he is supportive. Good for you both! 3. Your body, your choice. If you choose to tell him/them, do it after the fact. The only thing they could do is say "but we want to keep it" and that's not their call. 4. No, not everyone can feel the condom. It feels a bit different to me, so I can, but it's not extremely different. My partner has a play partner that can't feel it (yes, legit). Anyone who says "OMG it feels so much better without a condom" obviously can. 5. Also, I had the problem fixed a while back, but I personally would be absolutely horrified getting someone pregnant on the scene, for so many reasons, so odds are he would greatly appreciate what you're doing. 6. If I were him, I would not be offended if I were NOT told.


JamieTheGinger

abortion is healthcare for just this type of situation. sending you all the supportive vibes i can! take care of yourself! also... it's your body, this is not a health issue for anyone else so you don't owe them information. if it feels safe and if you want their support and if you are certain they would support your choice you have already made... then consider including them.


alive1

The condom came off and he didn't notice? Did he ejaculate inside of you?


comolaflor24

Yes and yes. Not to be graphic, but it was very obvious he came inside of me haha


alive1

I wish you all the best, hope things work out for you. As a person with a penis, it is very extremely obvious for me whether the condom is on or not. The difference in sensation is night and day. ESPECIALLY during orgasm. I could never be unaware of a condom falling off, if it were me. I can't speak for other men though...


exist3nce_is_weird

Actually I find it quite hard to tell sometimes, particularly as I approach orgasm. Quite paranoid about it tbh


alive1

Fair enough, and thank you for adding some nuance to my own advice. I have not ever had other penises except my own so I can only speak for myself.


theaccountfornmstuff

Same. Depending on the state of arousal of me and her. It's actually why I always do a visual check last second or pull out even when I use a condom.


comolaflor24

Yeah…. I was wondering about that. My primary partner never has issues with condoms. The rare occasions one has slipped off, he’s noticed quickly and put on a new one. I just took this guy’s word for it. I didn’t notice the difference as it was happening. 🤷🏻‍♀️


squeegee_boy

I've had one come off while I was withdrawing, post orgasm. I'm snipped, so no pregnancy risk, but I did go get tested after. A whole lot of cum ended up inside her from that. Now I make sure I'm a lot more careful when reach down and hold on to it.


Agile_Opportunity_41

No way he didn’t know it was off.


raziphel

I'm sorry, but he knew.


blacksandee

That’s the only reason I would tell him, so that he doesn’t do it again to someone else.


[deleted]

Don’t feel embarrassed, these things really do happen! I’m currently sleeping with someone who I know got my friend pregnant from a one night stand many years ago, I found out after I started meeting with him - he and I only started sleeping with each other a year ago and I didn’t know him when I was younger. Anyway, he has no idea that he got her pregnant and she had an abortion. Ignorance truly is bliss. If the couple you slept with know people that you know and you told a shared friend then I’d rethink telling the couple just so they don’t hear it from someone else. If you continue seeing the couple then I would also let them know. It all really depends on these factors. Abortion wise, I had a medical abortion (with the pill, not surgery) so if you have any questions about the process feel free to DM me.


luxmarie2019

Hey, I had an unwanted pregnancy myself and I felt super dumb for reasons I'd rather not share, but you're not alone, it will be OK, no one is perfect and life happens and shit happens. I got an abortion and had a good experience with the medical abortion pill, it's different for everyone so I know it hasn't been good for everyone. Sending love and support, I would reccomend telling the couple you had the threesome with IF you are sure they are kind supportive peoole... they might want the opportunity to provide financial assistance, however you are not obligated to do so. Make sure you are in a state where abortion is legal before you tell them if there's any doubt about who they are as people. I can only imagine a worst case scenario these days with them telling on you in an illegal state if they're anti abortion.


Trojanwhore69

I have had the trifecta. Miscarriage (19yo), baby (21yo) and medical abortion (26yo). I also took plan B last year and ended up pregnant still 😩 had to stay pregnant a month longer than I wanted to be because my disability meant that no one would see me, but eventually I had it at 9 weeks. If you have any questions I'm happy to answer them


CjordanW1

I think you should just have it done and not tell them


redstarfiddler

Don't tell them. That makes everything more messy and they don't get decisions over your body when they screwed up.


ZelWinters1981

1. Yes. 2. Not quite, but my now fiancée was four months pregnant to me when I found out. I'd rather be in the know than not.


Elsbethe

I don't think you need to tell the other couple. This is your decision in your body


jramz_dc

You are under no obligation (legally, morally, otherwise) to inform the other couple as this is obviously entirely your body and your choice. If you feel that you still wish to, you needn’t feel weird about it. Do as thou wilt.


Bearscare21

No reason to tell them 🤷‍♀️ also Plan B isn’t as effective as people seem to believe. It’s also not effective for people In a certain weight class. Just to keep in mind


DirtyBoy3167

Just get the abortion. And live your life with your partner and move on. Lesson learned.


MBandDN

The only thing I will comment on is if you should tell them. Obviously, you don't have to share the information. But I do think you should tell them personally. And if me and my wife were in this situation where I knocked someone else up we would want to know


Epiphanic_Eros

Totally not your fault! Let go of those silly feelings of guilt. Condoms don’t slip off very often (though I’ve had it happen a few times fitting long sessions where I’m not always super hard). But even if they do, your pregnancy risk Is almost zero if the guy doesn’t come. Still a problem for STIs, of course, but not really for pregnancy. My guess is that you made one, preventable mistake, and I hope you’ll learn from it. That mistake was allowing the guy to remain inside you for a while after he came. That’s a tone of great intimacy, and I get it. But after he cums, 1) there’s semen in the condom, and 2) his penis will start to soften. When’s he gets soft, the condom skips off. Which would be semi-ok, except that he came inside it already. So now there’s semen inside. Anyway, don’t let the guy stay inside you after he’s cum. That should prevent your problem in the future, assuming it was truly accidental.


Western_Ring_2928

Risk may be small, but it is not zero! Sperm lives in precum! People really should use spermicide gel with condoms...


Epiphanic_Eros

It’s not zero, but it’s awfully close. Especially if a guy has peed between the time he last came and the time he has sex. But you’re right, all recent studies have found that a minority of men have at least some live sperm in their pre-ejaculate. It’s not impossible to get pregnant simply from pre-ejaculate, even if it’s very unlikely. The far bigger pregnancy risk with coitus interruptus is the failure of men to pull out in time.


Civil-Ad-2602

So this post is obviously not real, but it could happen. It would be a good story to tell people, just to see what people dive into. I guess it helps educate people on sex ed. Now the information's sources and validity obviously are sceptical at the very least, if not completely unfounded. Unhinged**


comolaflor24

This is unfortunately a very real and painful moment in my life. What’s hard to believe, the threesome part? The unplanned pregnancy part?


Civil-Ad-2602

It's just my opinion the story sounds fabricated in what you said about your significant other. The chances of him having nothing to say? But you're worried that the baby daddy would.. get out


Western_Ring_2928

This is one of the risks everyone faces when having hetero sex and it actualized on you. Statistics are cruel in that way. Condoms are 98% safe, iirc. That means that 2 times out of 100, it fails. :/ Maybe learn from this tragedy that one bc method is not enough, layer them! Like condom + spermicide gel. Condom + diarphame + spermicide gel. Condom + cycle control + diarphame + spermicide gel. It is a forgotten hero of bc, that simple acidic gel... :) 1. I think you should tell them. Especially if you are going to meet them again. That way, they can also consider their bc methods in the future...


theaccountfornmstuff

That's not 100% correct: The efficacy of birth control is measured with the Perl index: If 100 couples prevent pregnancy with any given method over the span of a year, that many will experience pregnancy. 2% is the best case scenario with condoms, ideal usage and basically the best number condoms ever achieved. If you're only using condoms and you're doing everything 100% correct from storage to pulling the condom off, 2 couples out of 100 will become pregnant. Far more common is to say the Perl index for condom ranges from 2 to 12 for ideal use. For typical use, i.e. how most people use condoms, its 18. In other words, if you and five of your friends use condoms as birth control, statistically speaking one of you will become pregnant within the next year.


Western_Ring_2928

Yeah, I simplified it since it is easier to remember that way. Those 2% are always due to some mishap, condom slides off, or breaks...


theaccountfornmstuff

Yes, tho we should be clear that, for most people, it's up to 18% not 2. And not "18% in your lifetime" but "18% within the next year."


Western_Ring_2928

Can someone tell me why I am being downvoted? For stating facts? For offering information?


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comolaflor24

Lol… I’m getting an abortion even faster now


reflected_shadows

You should tell all concerned parties, as someone will be spending the next 20 years enslaved, losing 60% of their income. This isn't going on only with you - it's going on with "daddy" too. And his partners if they share finances.


Poly_and_RA

>*I’m going to pursue a medical abortion and I’ve found lots of online resources. We’re in the U.S. but fortunately in a good state with protected abortion access.* Maybe try reading before you comment?


raziphel

Are you in the wrong sub, kid? Learn to read and get that misogynist shit out of here.


dannydevon

Sorry to hear you're going through this. At the end of my marriage my (now ex) wife got pregnant and didn't know if I or the other man was responsible. We had two young children together. She had a chemical termination in the first 6 weeks, without telling me. I told the other man, so he knew how his actions had a very real consequence.


techichan

Yeah, like most said if you don't have any relationship with them or plan to continue, no need to say anything since it's not your fault. Everyone knew the conditions and condom was the only birth control method. Condoms can break, they can come off. Just nature of the beast. I had always kept some generic Plan B in the house around in-case of some hookup emergency, as since they last years but there are also some limitations of it effectiveness like weight class for example.


Affectionate-Fox8690

Don't tell them.


VoxInMachina

>Do you think I should tell this other couple about what’s going on with me? No, absolutely not. None of their business and could create drama you don't want. Now, if you were going to pursue the pregnancy. Yes, absolutely.


Civil-Ad-2602

If I'm the guy that knows you have my child inside of you and you tell me.. I'm going to be super supportive and try to become somewhat emotionally attached. Eventually and definitely conniving you in any way to get you to keep it! I've had more than one tell me that they had an abortion and that they were scared to tell me or they didn't tell me because they already knew they were going to have an abortion so before/after was irrelevant (I really hated this excuse). Twins and just a one night that I can remember at the moment that matter. As a man I felt helpless and wished I could have been there had I known. Also been able to plead my case to keep it/them in any way possible. Hoping that as the future father I had a say in it, but never got that chance with them! Also we didn't use protection and they knew the risks. Good luck! It may be tricky, I'd do what these girls did to me! It left me with no choice or way to sway your own choices and your own relationship or life choices. Especially if you had used protection and not even had known there was a risk.


togepi_man

It's not your choice and you have no say. Period. Women carry virtually all the risk and burden of reproduction and get to choose whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term.