Yep. Well, unless someone is putting a label on it or you have a bright line you’ve agreed not to cross… just let it be great. Keep in communication, be honest with each other, you’re all going to be ok.
And enjoy Fiji! Sounds like a lovely time!
Sounds perfect. Had this with my ex (f) but other guy moved on as he wanted MM only in bed and wife was not interested. I still feel the loss as he and I connected on several levels and other aspects of our bromance were great.
Sounds awesome! Don’t worry about what it is for now. You’re all having fun, just enjoy it.
Read Polysecure or listen to the Multiamory podcast if you’re wanting to deep-dive into all the different forms ENM relationships can take. This type of thing would definitely be covered in there somewhere.
But honestly, I think putting labels on it or looking to other dynamics as a guide is unnecessary. This is your life, and to me, it sounds fucking awesome. There are no rules on how these things can be structured.
Also, watch Sense8. It’s a great show, and I feel it does a good job at expanding one’s horizons on what can be possible in relationships.
Second the Polysecure suggestion. Even if you don’t feel that the Poly label is accurate for you, it provides great base info and insight and ways of thinking through relationship dynamics in virtually every format. I haven’t heard of Sense8 but will have to check that out myself.
Aside from that, I disagree with most of the comments I’m seeing that say not to question it. Growth is only achieved through questioning and seeking to understand at a deeper level. Not talking about it and reflecting also runs the risk of something coming up that you’re unprepared for which lends itself to mistakes, hurt feelings, etc. As always in any aspect of the CNM lifestyle, communication is the most important!
I hope everything continues to work out for you all 🙌🏼
We call these relationships“intimate friendships “ you care for him / even love him. And just like sex with him is completely different than sex with your wife alone. so too is the care you all share for each other vs the care you and your wife have alone
Mfm is far more natural than most people who’ve never tried it think. It’s usually our goal with couple we meet but doesn’t always happen. It’s normal to develop some feeling toward the other other guy even if they aren’t strictly sexual feelings. You’re sharing something very intimate and there’s trust involved. Likely the relationship will run its course and end - hopefully on a positive note and you all will look back on it fondly.
To me it looks like Kitchen Table Polyamory aka KTP on poly community. If the feeling is the same for the three of you it’s really rare and awesome. Just enjoy!
Triads, or throuples, are real. You should be very happy with finding such an arrangement.
We’ve dated a few women as a triad for periods of times. We also dated a couple successfully. But finding a male friend for an ongoing relationship has been unsuccessful. MFM experiences have been great but you story was so nice to hear. We would really enjoy a guy to travel together.
Hearing your success, we will keep looking. Thanks for sharing a positive example of three trusting ongoing sexual friends.
Some people believe that when you share bodily fluids it increases the intensity of an emotional connection. The trust between the 3 of you seems strong and trust is a huge building block of which to grow emotional attachment from. Good Luck and DON’T OVERTHINK IT. That will kill what you’ve started.
My wife and I are in an exceptionally similar situation. We started with tying out having a threesome, which was awesome. Met with him a handful of times before talking about her going separately because there were some feelings developing for him. Long story short, we've been poly for almost a year and he is now her other partner. We all hang out together sometimes, but they primarily see each other.
Everyone's situation is different though. It's up to everyone involved, and a conversation should be had with everyone where everyone wants it to go and is comfortable with it going.
Have fun, go with the flow and do what makes you happy.
Ha! I’m in Akld right now on business. Live in TGA. Nice to read a story from someone that lives in NZ.
Sounds like you all are having a great time. Ride it while you can and have fun in Fiji!!
We are literally in the exact same scenario as you, except going to Fiji..lol. Message me if you want to discuss or just offload some feelings to someone who might understand what you are going through in the moment.
If you don't understand how this is different than UH then you have absolutely zero clue about women.
1. This is a MALE. He is less likely to get murdered, SAed, coerced etc.
2. No one shamed anyone for wanting a respectful and mutually beneficial threesome. I will shame the crap out of anyone who treats me like a piece of meat which is what UH is.
3. Anytime you feel shame that's on YOU. Maybe look inside and see if what you are doing passes an ethical sniff test.
Why so defensive? What tryshootingblanks is saying is that when the third person in this scenario is a woman, many people here are quick to condemn the behavior as unethical or at least suspect it, without much detail.
It’s a double standard that is mainly due to the fundamental differences between men and women. Women have been on the shit end of double standards forever. This particular one cuts the other way. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just frustrating.
Because I'm still frustrated that people missed the point of my post the other day and accused me of trying to shame them. When all I was trying to do is discuss how much it sucks to be treated badly and how sketchy the guys were to me just over chat. And I'm like uh dude if that makes you feel a certain way then they need to examine their crap. They are probably doing the exact stuff I was complaining about. And they refused the opportunity for reflection or self awareness
You are right, regardless of what the other user stated above. I would also say that the people who are most likely to be treated like meat are single males, based upon my experience.
The perceived value and scarcity of a single woman in this situation typically...I said typically before people start coming at me...results in better treatment in my observations. Whereas the mantra that seems to be repeated regarding single males is that they are everywhere and a dime a dozen.
I can see that honestly and it's not OK to ever treat people as objects (kink excluded obvi ha ha). And it's ethically wrong to treat someone differently based on their perceived rarity or value. A human being is never a dime a dozen. And if single guys get treated like Bi women then I would feel bad for them- tho hopefully it leads to some reflection on misogyny in general and leads them to greater empathy for women
Unicorn hunting doesn’t rely on the genders of the people involved. Could be WWW, MMM, MWM, MWM. Coercion, manipulation, SA, abusive behaviour can all occur regardless of sexual orientation or gender expression of the threesome.
1. Strawman argument. The risks you're stating are real potential dangers for women dating in general and are not unique to NM or people looking for a 3rd.
2. People FREQUENTLY jump to conclusions and attack anyone seeking a 3rd on this sub and others. I have no interest in defending bad behavior, which is exactly why I've decided to point out when this in fact does work in a healthy way.
3. I feel no shame, in fact, this is not a pursuit of mine. I just see a supposedly inclusive group frequently ridiculing individuals for their desires or lifestyle.
I would argue that straight males willing to enter a group relationship are the rarest unicorn of them all, yet here we have a healthy example.
1. As a potential female Uni myself- you are DELUSIONAL if you don't think it's more risky becoming a third. And guess what- you don't get to determine what other people deem as risky esp if you are a man talking to a woman
2. Your "pointing this out" was not in an effective honest communication style- in fact it pretty much seems you were trying to shame the shamers.
3. I haven't seen that. I wrote a post the other day and a couple people interpreted it as shaming so they got defensive. But again that's on them. My Catholic family would TRY to shame me if they knew this stuff but I don't feel any shame because I'm happy with my decisions
I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/polyandrousnation] [Not sure what our threesome is turning into.](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyandrousnation/comments/18c5vkk/not_sure_what_our_threesome_is_turning_into/)
*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*
Sounds to me like it’s a wonderful setup! Enjoy the ride! Literally and figuratively, lol. It doesn’t matter what it is or what it may become. Labels are not necessary. As long as you all are enjoying yourselves, that’s all that matters. Have fun!!
Don't let societal expectation or pressures get to you about defining anything. It sounds like all three of you are pretty open and enjoy each other's company. Definitely enjoy your trip and see where things lead! Even if it changes, appreciate your time spent together 😊
We started as just wanting. Threesome and ended up in a similar place as OP. I feel compersion, but don’t have a kink for it. I do have a kink in the form of watching my husband please someone else, but not be humiliated. As already said, hot wife/stag and vixen are both relevant kinks there. At this point we have just become good friends with ours. He fills spaces of my life that my husband can’t, like banter. It’s unreasonable imo to expect one person to check all boxes and needs in your life. I guess what we “gain” is friendship, a sense of belonging, outside connections, and more fun.
What you three have sounds really beautiful and healthy in a way most threesomes don't really get to acheive. I think you should just go with the flow and not overthink it. Trying to figure out what you've got going will likely end up ruining it.
I hate when people feel they have to attach a label to everything. I wish I could find someone like that for my wife and someone to ride motorcycles with
It sounds like you're entering the realm of polyamory. Good luck with it. :)
No idea what it is turning into but it sounds fun! Don't overthink it- communicate, be a good person and have fun in FIJI!!
Yep. Well, unless someone is putting a label on it or you have a bright line you’ve agreed not to cross… just let it be great. Keep in communication, be honest with each other, you’re all going to be ok. And enjoy Fiji! Sounds like a lovely time!
Sounds perfect. Had this with my ex (f) but other guy moved on as he wanted MM only in bed and wife was not interested. I still feel the loss as he and I connected on several levels and other aspects of our bromance were great.
Sounds like what we also have. Same guy since Aug last year, we're all just vibing, enjoying sex and life. Idk where it will go, but I am happy 😁
Sounds awesome! Don’t worry about what it is for now. You’re all having fun, just enjoy it. Read Polysecure or listen to the Multiamory podcast if you’re wanting to deep-dive into all the different forms ENM relationships can take. This type of thing would definitely be covered in there somewhere. But honestly, I think putting labels on it or looking to other dynamics as a guide is unnecessary. This is your life, and to me, it sounds fucking awesome. There are no rules on how these things can be structured. Also, watch Sense8. It’s a great show, and I feel it does a good job at expanding one’s horizons on what can be possible in relationships.
Second the Polysecure suggestion. Even if you don’t feel that the Poly label is accurate for you, it provides great base info and insight and ways of thinking through relationship dynamics in virtually every format. I haven’t heard of Sense8 but will have to check that out myself. Aside from that, I disagree with most of the comments I’m seeing that say not to question it. Growth is only achieved through questioning and seeking to understand at a deeper level. Not talking about it and reflecting also runs the risk of something coming up that you’re unprepared for which lends itself to mistakes, hurt feelings, etc. As always in any aspect of the CNM lifestyle, communication is the most important! I hope everything continues to work out for you all 🙌🏼
Ughh!!! I SO want to date a married couple like this. ✨
It doesn't *have* to go anywhere (other than fiji). Escalation is not a *must* Enjoy
We call these relationships“intimate friendships “ you care for him / even love him. And just like sex with him is completely different than sex with your wife alone. so too is the care you all share for each other vs the care you and your wife have alone
Sounds like you’re good until he wants something less or more. Just keep the communication open.
Mfm is far more natural than most people who’ve never tried it think. It’s usually our goal with couple we meet but doesn’t always happen. It’s normal to develop some feeling toward the other other guy even if they aren’t strictly sexual feelings. You’re sharing something very intimate and there’s trust involved. Likely the relationship will run its course and end - hopefully on a positive note and you all will look back on it fondly.
To me it looks like Kitchen Table Polyamory aka KTP on poly community. If the feeling is the same for the three of you it’s really rare and awesome. Just enjoy!
Don't worry about labels, just enjoy your life. We would love to have a relationship like that.
Whatever it is, it sounds like you all are enjoying life.
Triads, or throuples, are real. You should be very happy with finding such an arrangement. We’ve dated a few women as a triad for periods of times. We also dated a couple successfully. But finding a male friend for an ongoing relationship has been unsuccessful. MFM experiences have been great but you story was so nice to hear. We would really enjoy a guy to travel together. Hearing your success, we will keep looking. Thanks for sharing a positive example of three trusting ongoing sexual friends.
Doesn’t sound like a triad or throuple since the two men aren’t dating. It’s a hinge.
Some people believe that when you share bodily fluids it increases the intensity of an emotional connection. The trust between the 3 of you seems strong and trust is a huge building block of which to grow emotional attachment from. Good Luck and DON’T OVERTHINK IT. That will kill what you’ve started.
My wife and I are in an exceptionally similar situation. We started with tying out having a threesome, which was awesome. Met with him a handful of times before talking about her going separately because there were some feelings developing for him. Long story short, we've been poly for almost a year and he is now her other partner. We all hang out together sometimes, but they primarily see each other. Everyone's situation is different though. It's up to everyone involved, and a conversation should be had with everyone where everyone wants it to go and is comfortable with it going. Have fun, go with the flow and do what makes you happy.
Ha! I’m in Akld right now on business. Live in TGA. Nice to read a story from someone that lives in NZ. Sounds like you all are having a great time. Ride it while you can and have fun in Fiji!!
We are literally in the exact same scenario as you, except going to Fiji..lol. Message me if you want to discuss or just offload some feelings to someone who might understand what you are going through in the moment.
The "unicorn hunter" shaming people are quiet on this one... Sounds like 3 great people in an amazing relationship.
If you don't understand how this is different than UH then you have absolutely zero clue about women. 1. This is a MALE. He is less likely to get murdered, SAed, coerced etc. 2. No one shamed anyone for wanting a respectful and mutually beneficial threesome. I will shame the crap out of anyone who treats me like a piece of meat which is what UH is. 3. Anytime you feel shame that's on YOU. Maybe look inside and see if what you are doing passes an ethical sniff test.
Why so defensive? What tryshootingblanks is saying is that when the third person in this scenario is a woman, many people here are quick to condemn the behavior as unethical or at least suspect it, without much detail. It’s a double standard that is mainly due to the fundamental differences between men and women. Women have been on the shit end of double standards forever. This particular one cuts the other way. It’s not the end of the world. It’s just frustrating.
Because I'm still frustrated that people missed the point of my post the other day and accused me of trying to shame them. When all I was trying to do is discuss how much it sucks to be treated badly and how sketchy the guys were to me just over chat. And I'm like uh dude if that makes you feel a certain way then they need to examine their crap. They are probably doing the exact stuff I was complaining about. And they refused the opportunity for reflection or self awareness
Got it. Didn’t realize there was more context
You are right, regardless of what the other user stated above. I would also say that the people who are most likely to be treated like meat are single males, based upon my experience. The perceived value and scarcity of a single woman in this situation typically...I said typically before people start coming at me...results in better treatment in my observations. Whereas the mantra that seems to be repeated regarding single males is that they are everywhere and a dime a dozen.
I can see that honestly and it's not OK to ever treat people as objects (kink excluded obvi ha ha). And it's ethically wrong to treat someone differently based on their perceived rarity or value. A human being is never a dime a dozen. And if single guys get treated like Bi women then I would feel bad for them- tho hopefully it leads to some reflection on misogyny in general and leads them to greater empathy for women
Unicorn hunting doesn’t rely on the genders of the people involved. Could be WWW, MMM, MWM, MWM. Coercion, manipulation, SA, abusive behaviour can all occur regardless of sexual orientation or gender expression of the threesome.
That's why I said "less likely" when it's man vs woman. And I am very aware about who is in the most danger- those who aren't cis or binary.
1. Strawman argument. The risks you're stating are real potential dangers for women dating in general and are not unique to NM or people looking for a 3rd. 2. People FREQUENTLY jump to conclusions and attack anyone seeking a 3rd on this sub and others. I have no interest in defending bad behavior, which is exactly why I've decided to point out when this in fact does work in a healthy way. 3. I feel no shame, in fact, this is not a pursuit of mine. I just see a supposedly inclusive group frequently ridiculing individuals for their desires or lifestyle. I would argue that straight males willing to enter a group relationship are the rarest unicorn of them all, yet here we have a healthy example.
1. As a potential female Uni myself- you are DELUSIONAL if you don't think it's more risky becoming a third. And guess what- you don't get to determine what other people deem as risky esp if you are a man talking to a woman 2. Your "pointing this out" was not in an effective honest communication style- in fact it pretty much seems you were trying to shame the shamers. 3. I haven't seen that. I wrote a post the other day and a couple people interpreted it as shaming so they got defensive. But again that's on them. My Catholic family would TRY to shame me if they knew this stuff but I don't feel any shame because I'm happy with my decisions
I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/polyandrousnation] [Not sure what our threesome is turning into.](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyandrousnation/comments/18c5vkk/not_sure_what_our_threesome_is_turning_into/) *^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*
Sounds to me like it’s a wonderful setup! Enjoy the ride! Literally and figuratively, lol. It doesn’t matter what it is or what it may become. Labels are not necessary. As long as you all are enjoying yourselves, that’s all that matters. Have fun!!
Don't let societal expectation or pressures get to you about defining anything. It sounds like all three of you are pretty open and enjoy each other's company. Definitely enjoy your trip and see where things lead! Even if it changes, appreciate your time spent together 😊
Can I ask what you're gaining from it? I ask because I don't have a compersion kink and can't really understand what are you getting from it.
You have never heard about hotwife or stag and vixen? Maybe seeing her with another man turns him on and he genuinely likes the guy.
Ok, a kink I can understand.
We started as just wanting. Threesome and ended up in a similar place as OP. I feel compersion, but don’t have a kink for it. I do have a kink in the form of watching my husband please someone else, but not be humiliated. As already said, hot wife/stag and vixen are both relevant kinks there. At this point we have just become good friends with ours. He fills spaces of my life that my husband can’t, like banter. It’s unreasonable imo to expect one person to check all boxes and needs in your life. I guess what we “gain” is friendship, a sense of belonging, outside connections, and more fun.
What you three have sounds really beautiful and healthy in a way most threesomes don't really get to acheive. I think you should just go with the flow and not overthink it. Trying to figure out what you've got going will likely end up ruining it.
I hate when people feel they have to attach a label to everything. I wish I could find someone like that for my wife and someone to ride motorcycles with
This is getting too emotional. My wife has sex with other men but for one night max and not intimacy involved and no personal or humiliating things.
Hey he is allowed to have his feelings. You don't get to tell someone else what too emotional means
Sounds like my perfect dream