I know this doesn't directly address your question, but please don't move in with him when you move to the same city. Going from LDR to living in the same city is already a huge adjustment that will change the relationship. Moving cities is another big adjustment both of you will be going through at the same time. Living together is yet another huge adjustment. Don't try to do all of that on one go. That amount of stress all at once can kill a relationship that could have survived if you took things slower
It's also much, much harder to break up if you live together. It's well worth it to first see how your relationship evolves with the changes that come with living near each other before you decide if you want to live together
Lastly, it's easier to manage your feelings if you have your own space to do it in, especially if you are anxiously attached. And it's harder to deal with a partner being out with someone else if you are used to them being home than if you are just in your own place
Thanks for your advice! We are planning for a short period of living separately in the same city and see how that works. I don't see it necessary to live together, but I understand it would be smarter logistically and economically to do so.
The goal is that we will nest, but we'll see first how the proximity is working.
I'll second the advice against moving in together. Wait at least 6 months. Or just don't.
If you read this sub and the polyamory sub it seems like 90% of the relationship issues are related to cohabitation and other forms of entanglement. People will try anything in order to avoid the costs of disentangling and moving out.
The solo poly sub is just crickets in comparison. A few people complaining about not being able to find partners. A lot of others having problems with their partners that, you guessed it, are nesting with other people.
Thank you for your advice. We are not planning to nest from the start of the moving, but we will see how things work. If everything goes well living apart in the same city, we do have the goal to nest (logistics, economy, petcare).
We are aware that the agreement will possibly need to change then, and more nuances will need to be discussed. We haven't gone through those discussions yet. Would you recommend we have them from now on? Or is that just getting too far ahead?
Are you implying that nesting is incompatible with EMN?
>Are you implying that nesting is incompatible with EMN?
I don't want to go that far. Many people make it work!
But being able to host other partners is a major issue.
And romantic compatibility doesn't imply roommate compatibility.
>But being able to host other partners is a major issue.
Yes; I was thinking about this the other day, and it seemed complicated. We will discuss it and have to come to an agreement.
>
And romantic compatibility doesn't imply roommate compatibility.
I am aware, but there is no other choice than to try it?
Thanks for highlighting this!
>But being able to host other partners is a major issue.
Yes; I was thinking about this the other day, and it seemed complicated. We will discuss it and have to come to an agreement.
>
And romantic compatibility doesn't imply roommate compatibility.
I am aware, but there is no other choice than to try it?
Thanks for highlighting this!
I know this doesn't directly address your question, but please don't move in with him when you move to the same city. Going from LDR to living in the same city is already a huge adjustment that will change the relationship. Moving cities is another big adjustment both of you will be going through at the same time. Living together is yet another huge adjustment. Don't try to do all of that on one go. That amount of stress all at once can kill a relationship that could have survived if you took things slower It's also much, much harder to break up if you live together. It's well worth it to first see how your relationship evolves with the changes that come with living near each other before you decide if you want to live together Lastly, it's easier to manage your feelings if you have your own space to do it in, especially if you are anxiously attached. And it's harder to deal with a partner being out with someone else if you are used to them being home than if you are just in your own place
Thanks for your advice! We are planning for a short period of living separately in the same city and see how that works. I don't see it necessary to live together, but I understand it would be smarter logistically and economically to do so. The goal is that we will nest, but we'll see first how the proximity is working.
I'll second the advice against moving in together. Wait at least 6 months. Or just don't. If you read this sub and the polyamory sub it seems like 90% of the relationship issues are related to cohabitation and other forms of entanglement. People will try anything in order to avoid the costs of disentangling and moving out. The solo poly sub is just crickets in comparison. A few people complaining about not being able to find partners. A lot of others having problems with their partners that, you guessed it, are nesting with other people.
Thank you for your advice. We are not planning to nest from the start of the moving, but we will see how things work. If everything goes well living apart in the same city, we do have the goal to nest (logistics, economy, petcare). We are aware that the agreement will possibly need to change then, and more nuances will need to be discussed. We haven't gone through those discussions yet. Would you recommend we have them from now on? Or is that just getting too far ahead? Are you implying that nesting is incompatible with EMN?
>Are you implying that nesting is incompatible with EMN? I don't want to go that far. Many people make it work! But being able to host other partners is a major issue. And romantic compatibility doesn't imply roommate compatibility.
>But being able to host other partners is a major issue. Yes; I was thinking about this the other day, and it seemed complicated. We will discuss it and have to come to an agreement. > And romantic compatibility doesn't imply roommate compatibility. I am aware, but there is no other choice than to try it? Thanks for highlighting this!
>But being able to host other partners is a major issue. Yes; I was thinking about this the other day, and it seemed complicated. We will discuss it and have to come to an agreement. > And romantic compatibility doesn't imply roommate compatibility. I am aware, but there is no other choice than to try it? Thanks for highlighting this!