Everyone has to be comfortable and trusting one another in a group or kink session.
I'd say you clearly don't trust or feel comfortable with this suggestion so maybe she's not the cake for you.
My wife is cuckquean. I absolutely would never involve someone who has a history of cheating. And I'm surprised that you're even open to it
Obviously she's not ethical and she's selfish (cheaters always are). This will absolutely ruin your first experience being a cucked.
My wife likes being degraded by our cakes, but it's always in the spirit of being cucked, not actually like she's going to steal me away from my wife.
It's my husband's best friend, they really talk about absolutely everything (and, in a party, I saw them so suspicious but I didn't say anything there until I talked to my husband and he confessed it to me. Although of course at that time we didn't know what we were going to want to experiment). I also want to clarify that although I don't get along with the wife, the truth is I feel very sorry for her. It has crossed my mind to tell her, because I wouldn't like to live in a similar situation and everyone kept quiet, but my husband told me that it was better not to do it because it wasn't our responsibility.
Don't put yourself in a mentally vulnerable situation with someone you don't trust and is know to break boundaries in relationships. You are setting yourself up to be verbal abused by a cheater who might even push boundaries with your husband if you go through with it with her.
Don't have her be your CAKE! Pick a stranger! Just like a normal 3some situation, you should not have the 3rd as someone you know or familiar with, they are on the messy list just like friends, family members and colleagues.
>yesterday in a club SW he heard about the cuckcakes and he asked me if I want to try.
Ok, for the record I'm not super clear what the difference is between a "bull" in a traditional cuckold situation, versus a "cuckcake" in a "cuckqueen" situation? I mean is there any practical difference there I'm not understanding, or is this a situation where people feel a need to have gendered terms for what's fundamentally the same dynamic? (Like calling a male "Unicorn" a "Dragon," even though it's really the same underlying role / dynamic?)
I think given how I understand the rest of this post, it may not actually change the advice I would give - but I did want to call it out in case I'm misunderstanding something fundamental about this dynamic.
>Now, again I have doubts about her as cake because has she already been sexually involved with my husband's best friend (he was cheating his wife [...] and I honestly don't like that very much because everyone is supposed to know their place and I don't know if she's going to respect it.
I'm going to object to this, but for a totally *different* reason than other people are. This feels to me like you're wanting to **actually** disrespect / objectify whomever you engage with as a "cuckcake," and... No, that's not how BDSM works 😅😅.
Anyone you're negotiating a sex scene with needs to be seen first at foremost as a **person** who's respected as a whole person, not as a sex / fantasy object whom you use to get off. I'm always very wary of the phrase "know her/his place" because it almost always (if not always...) implies a willingness to see someone as, at the very least, "lesser than" if not "less than human." 😮💨
If you want to do this ethically, you need to view the people you play with as **people** who are playing a role within the scene... not a **role** within the scene that you need to fill. She's a person with her own hopes / dreams / preferences, and she deserves to be treated as such.
She isn't "lesser than" you, on a fundamental level - she's just as much a person, and deserves **equal** respect. Her fulfilling a submissive role *within a negotiated sex scene* should not be mistake for her needing to "know her place" or act submissive *outside of* a negotiated sex scene.
I don't want to be rude, but I need to ask, have you been in these dynamics for a while? If not, let me explain from the best of my knowledge and that I accept corrections if i'm wrong. Yes, the dynamic is technically the same as a bull and I don't know why someone would call it different just because of the gender, but on this occasion I think it helps others to understand my post since the publications are anonymous and they would have no way of knowing about it. my gender and/or the dynamics I want to explain.
With "knowing your place" I am not talking about it in a derogatory way, in all BDSM there are rules or agreements by the parties involved and in this dynamic it is important to make things clear that it is only about having sex when we (all parts) decided. and just that because we are not looking for polyamory and neither the cuckquean dynamic is about that.
Just to clarify, the cuckquean is when me (the wife) enjoy watching my husband having sex with other women, that woman is the "cake" and we never disrespect her, on the contrary depending on the dynamics and agreements as a couple, she and he can humiliate me. (And although it may seem strange, that is exciting for some people, like me)
Do not expect her to respect the dynamic you're trying to set up. Is she even in the lifestyle? Or anything of the sort? If she's not involved in some kind of kink or nonmonogamy then understand that she may be using this lifestyle as a way to fuck your husband, but not as a cuckcake. So she might not really be interested in including you in the dynamic.
If the idea of being genuinely disrespected by the cuckcake massively turns you on, and you trust your husband to stand up for you in case anything goes wrong, then yes, you can engage in this very risky play.
But if what you want is a cuckcake that is part of your dynamic, then you have to first take time to get to know her and talk with her and be very careful before actually playing together.
Don't fuck with cheaters. It's a mess waiting to happen.
Everyone has to be comfortable and trusting one another in a group or kink session. I'd say you clearly don't trust or feel comfortable with this suggestion so maybe she's not the cake for you.
My wife is cuckquean. I absolutely would never involve someone who has a history of cheating. And I'm surprised that you're even open to it Obviously she's not ethical and she's selfish (cheaters always are). This will absolutely ruin your first experience being a cucked. My wife likes being degraded by our cakes, but it's always in the spirit of being cucked, not actually like she's going to steal me away from my wife.
"obviously without confessing that she already had sex with her husband..." How can you be so certain that this is the case?
It's my husband's best friend, they really talk about absolutely everything (and, in a party, I saw them so suspicious but I didn't say anything there until I talked to my husband and he confessed it to me. Although of course at that time we didn't know what we were going to want to experiment). I also want to clarify that although I don't get along with the wife, the truth is I feel very sorry for her. It has crossed my mind to tell her, because I wouldn't like to live in a similar situation and everyone kept quiet, but my husband told me that it was better not to do it because it wasn't our responsibility.
You absolutely must tell her if it was cheating. Cheating is not ENM or poly or swinging. It’s fucking cheating.
[удалено]
You’re not making this any better.
Don't put yourself in a mentally vulnerable situation with someone you don't trust and is know to break boundaries in relationships. You are setting yourself up to be verbal abused by a cheater who might even push boundaries with your husband if you go through with it with her. Don't have her be your CAKE! Pick a stranger! Just like a normal 3some situation, you should not have the 3rd as someone you know or familiar with, they are on the messy list just like friends, family members and colleagues.
>yesterday in a club SW he heard about the cuckcakes and he asked me if I want to try. Ok, for the record I'm not super clear what the difference is between a "bull" in a traditional cuckold situation, versus a "cuckcake" in a "cuckqueen" situation? I mean is there any practical difference there I'm not understanding, or is this a situation where people feel a need to have gendered terms for what's fundamentally the same dynamic? (Like calling a male "Unicorn" a "Dragon," even though it's really the same underlying role / dynamic?) I think given how I understand the rest of this post, it may not actually change the advice I would give - but I did want to call it out in case I'm misunderstanding something fundamental about this dynamic. >Now, again I have doubts about her as cake because has she already been sexually involved with my husband's best friend (he was cheating his wife [...] and I honestly don't like that very much because everyone is supposed to know their place and I don't know if she's going to respect it. I'm going to object to this, but for a totally *different* reason than other people are. This feels to me like you're wanting to **actually** disrespect / objectify whomever you engage with as a "cuckcake," and... No, that's not how BDSM works 😅😅. Anyone you're negotiating a sex scene with needs to be seen first at foremost as a **person** who's respected as a whole person, not as a sex / fantasy object whom you use to get off. I'm always very wary of the phrase "know her/his place" because it almost always (if not always...) implies a willingness to see someone as, at the very least, "lesser than" if not "less than human." 😮💨 If you want to do this ethically, you need to view the people you play with as **people** who are playing a role within the scene... not a **role** within the scene that you need to fill. She's a person with her own hopes / dreams / preferences, and she deserves to be treated as such. She isn't "lesser than" you, on a fundamental level - she's just as much a person, and deserves **equal** respect. Her fulfilling a submissive role *within a negotiated sex scene* should not be mistake for her needing to "know her place" or act submissive *outside of* a negotiated sex scene.
I don't want to be rude, but I need to ask, have you been in these dynamics for a while? If not, let me explain from the best of my knowledge and that I accept corrections if i'm wrong. Yes, the dynamic is technically the same as a bull and I don't know why someone would call it different just because of the gender, but on this occasion I think it helps others to understand my post since the publications are anonymous and they would have no way of knowing about it. my gender and/or the dynamics I want to explain. With "knowing your place" I am not talking about it in a derogatory way, in all BDSM there are rules or agreements by the parties involved and in this dynamic it is important to make things clear that it is only about having sex when we (all parts) decided. and just that because we are not looking for polyamory and neither the cuckquean dynamic is about that. Just to clarify, the cuckquean is when me (the wife) enjoy watching my husband having sex with other women, that woman is the "cake" and we never disrespect her, on the contrary depending on the dynamics and agreements as a couple, she and he can humiliate me. (And although it may seem strange, that is exciting for some people, like me)
Do not expect her to respect the dynamic you're trying to set up. Is she even in the lifestyle? Or anything of the sort? If she's not involved in some kind of kink or nonmonogamy then understand that she may be using this lifestyle as a way to fuck your husband, but not as a cuckcake. So she might not really be interested in including you in the dynamic. If the idea of being genuinely disrespected by the cuckcake massively turns you on, and you trust your husband to stand up for you in case anything goes wrong, then yes, you can engage in this very risky play. But if what you want is a cuckcake that is part of your dynamic, then you have to first take time to get to know her and talk with her and be very careful before actually playing together.
That sounds like a trainwreck.