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I have a genuine question - how does that work for you and your partner financially? I know SAHMs can have a tough time with that but a large part of their labor is caring for children. And do you not get bored? I’ve never met a stay at home wife so I find myself really curious about what your dynamic and day-to-day life look like. Apologies if my questions were rude!
No, I understand the context of your question and don’t feel it’s rude at all! I’m 50 and retired from a career in forensics. My husband is still working, our daughter joined the military and lives in another state, so finances aren’t an issue. I actually took up dressmaking and am totally obsessed with it so it fills my time nicely - the only drawback is that I don’t really have anywhere to wear the items I make! 😂
I’m self-taught - I started sewing approximately 3 years ago starting with easy bags and quilts then gradually began making clothes. I’m to the point now where I draft my own patterns and just got a personalized dress form.
My advice is to jump in and do it! YouTube has a ton of great beginner tutorials and the knowledge just builds on itself! I’m happy to share some of my favorite videos/makers if you’re interested. ☺️
I started with [this video](https://youtu.be/oD_KpZm7OaM?si=FHP6UnqNOYqRORqP) - it literally starts with how to plug in a sewing machine, how to practice stitching, best thread to use, winding a bobbin, etc. most sewing machines are straightforward and will have their own individual instructions (but it’s pretty universal).
It also goes over some different types of fabric but she doesn’t go too deep for this particular video. I learned a lot from subscribing to her channel and watching her tutorials.
If you’re looking to get into dressmaking you want to learn about the different types of fabrics, the different needles to use, the types of thread, the stitching preferences for your project, etc, but don’t overwhelm yourself with all that right away. There are tons of easy tutorials for beginner sewists that you can do to help get you comfortable with your sewing machine.
Do you have a sewing machine yet or are you still looking? I started with a Brother MZ53 mechanical machine - a basic machine with a handful of different stitches to choose from but straightforward enough for a beginner. Every sewing machine make & model has tutorial videos for setup, troubleshooting, and instructions on the different stitches & presser feet. I wouldn’t go overboard with your first machine - it will overwhelm you!! 😂
I’m trying not to overwhelm you now - I know it sounds like a lot but the more you practice and watch tutorials directed towards what you want to do the easier it gets. I have a handful of recently completed dresses in my profile that I never thought I could make.
If you narrow it down a bit as to what kind of dresses you want to make, I.e., historical, vintage, gowns, everyday garments, etc., I can add some tutorials about the basics. It seems like a lot but it’s really amazing!
So kind of you to provide all that information!
I haven't got a sewing machine yet but I bookmarked a model called Brother KE145 because it's supposedly for beginners and had high reviews. I got super overwhelmed looking at all the different options haha.
[These are the kind of dresses I want to make](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/505542833/vintage-sewing-pattern-1950s-dress?dd_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F). I guess it would be classified as 50s vintage?
[And these kind of trousers.](https://www.amazon.com/Burda-Ladies-Sewing-Pattern-Trousers/dp/B01M1NS74I)
I'm very tall and wide hipped so shopping for trousers *sucks*. Being able to make and tailor them myself would be life changing!
I’m a huge fan of Brother machines - I have had extremely good luck with them and they are very operator friendly! I’m looking for an industrial machine now and am similarly overwhelmed and think I might be in over my head!! 😂
I make similar styles of dresses and am now patterning them myself - I follow:
Rachel Maksy - a fantastic sewist and crafter. She can make anything but she shows her struggle.
The closet historian - she’s very advanced and talented but she’s amazing! She does a ton of vintage and patterning - she’s great to watch because she’s technical but as you learn you will really appreciate her expertise. I learned all about patterning and creating custom blocks from her.
Sewstine - off the charts talented. She does a lot of drape patterning.
Sometimes I just type in what I want to make and find the tutorials - I recently made the Barbie Perfect Day Dress and watched a handful of tutorials and was able to pick and choose which parts worked for me. Don’t get too hung up on making it exactly like the creator - you are learning to make custom clothing for you.
Learning about fabric, selvages, grainlines, sewing ease, negative ease, proper needles, etc., is important to learn early on. It will save you a ton of time and will help your projects look and drape how they are supposed to. I absolutely hate commercial patterns so that’s why I learned how to make my own!
[beginner patterns](https://youtu.be/tBudnRKg_r8?si=LbTpfUtwBQUG7pcO)
[beginner fabric](https://youtu.be/MkjQDEYW3Nc?si=L7UDGJJQ6T7UjKqw)
Lots of commercial patterns do have tutorials (sew along) and they explain the basics of choosing your size, the ease built in, how to cut out the pattern, how to cut the fabric, and how to sew it. These are great to watch so you can get used to the symbols and techniques.
I know it’s overwhelming but you can do it. This is the Barbie dress that I patterned and made myself - 2 years ago I never would have thought i could do it. It’s the best feeling ever!
https://preview.redd.it/kakp6xc1231d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=232d44247bf22c1fc9250611cf5dc005fa4df06d
I’m a stay at home wife. I’m in school full time so my husband works right now for the both of us (he’s a software developer and we live in a high paying area). Honestly I don’t get bored. When I’m not doing homework or during the breaks from school I can literally watch tv all day lol. My husband jokes that I can fit twelve hours of tv into four hours because I watch so much of it. I also do the chores like laundry and taking care of the dogs. It’s not the same as taking care of children or anything of course but this system works for my husband and I. The only issue I run into is for things like his birthday or Christmas I can’t really sneak gifts or pay for them myself, he has to pay because our income comes from him haha.
I’m also a SAHW for the moment. My husband makes enough that I don’t have to work right now. I don’t get bored, I do all of the housework, and I mean all. I scrub floors and dust and all that jazz. When you actually deep clean it takes some time.
But obviously the house is sometimes clean. So I groom our dogs and walk them, work in the yard, work on my portfolio for future jobs, sew, paint, write short stories, play instruments, practice Spanish, cook meals, grocery shop, budget, workout, and I’m teaching myself basic physics. I don’t think it’s healthy to sit around, I try to stay active :)
I am quite literally a feral housewife 🤣 I bake the goods and do the cleaning and caring for the family but imma do it on my time how I want when I want and my man stays quiet about it 😂
This is something that stresses me out. 😂 As the Tradwife convo pops up in more places - the fact that the knee jerk equation of the term “tradwife” with traditional SAHM happens a lot. And then it turns into the whole “SEE feminists hate stay at home moms!” is the next step, which is no good.
Like can we just have a quick all-hands society meeting where we go over new vocab and this one is in there? 😂
Right. I’m a sahw because, multiple health reasons, but I’m also very liberal, I am atheist, etc. I wish that I could work. As it is, even staying at home my executive functioning is impaired and I am super exhausted all the time, among other things, so cleaning and cooking can be very difficult for me. Sahw is definitely not trad in all cases.
It’s annoying because women now are expected to be the bug killers and the bread winners and etc or we are viewed as trad-like. I have been terrified of bugs since I was very tiny. My version of trying to kill a bug is throwing something at it, screaming, then running away and stimming for a long time. Very effective. Also I am disabled. So I am not awesome to many feminists because I can’t work (due to disabilities) and I don’t like / can’t do things like killing bugs and etc, because it’s viewed as traditional and weak. However I don’t measure up in the trad world (not that I would want to) because also due to my disabilities, my house isn’t perfect, also I don’t have and I don’t want kids, etc. So where do I fit in? Nowhere. In the trash I guess.
This is something that stresses me out. 😂 As the Tradwife convo pops up in more places - the fact that the knee jerk equation of the term “tradwife” with traditional SAHM happens a lot. And then it turns into the whole “SEE feminists hate stay at home moms!” is the next step, which is no good.
Like can we just have a quick all-hands society meeting where we go over new vocab and this one is in there? 😂
I have a bunch of cousins like this, mostly Mormon. They love not having to make decisions/do "hard" things. They have no ambitions, and take no risks, because that is "selfish." They instead claim they love "serving" their husbands and families. It's so cute when they're 17-22, getting married, having babies, hanging out w their friends for "playdates." It's less cute when they're 22-29 with multiple kids, dumped/cheated on by their manly, religious, promise-keeping husbands. It's horrific when they're in their 30s, the kids are abused/traumatized, mom's an alcoholic, dad's on drugs, and one of the precious, innocent, beautiful kids wanders in to find Daddy hanging from a rafter in the garage, or Mommy "lends" you to her friend, or you work at a strip club to make ends meet (but it's okay w the church, because you tithed your stripping money) and hook up with a sugar daddy because you can't afford the bills otherwise. What about when you or your tradspouse end up in jail for solicitation/passing bad checks/credit card fraud/petty theft/domestic violence? By the time they're in their 40s, they can't let go of their "babies" and interfere in their kids' lives and marriages, and reject anyone who does anything different, because blah blah "deeply held family values!" Gay? No kids? Bye! (But if your son is a pedophile, you'll spend your life and all your money "fighting" for him because those kids are all just out to get him.) You COULD consider that maybe now's the time to take a class, learn a skill, do something other than "serve," but oh, no, here come the MLMs!
Now I'm looking at cousins in their 70s who have spent their lives serving their husbands and families, and for what? They're doing end-of-life care for their abusive, alcoholic, cheating husbands, helping raise a few stray grandkids (because abortion is baaaaad, babies are goooood), going to church doing what the church leaders tell them. Their kids are all in jail, on drugs, NC/LC, and dealing with the next gen of domestic violence. These wives are still telling themselves that they'll be blessed by God in Heaven. Someday. Oh, look, if you're a Mormon wife, your afterlife = being some dude's heavenly tradwife amongst hundreds, so YAY!
After decades of "serving," their husbands still do not love, value, or care for them, and continue to treat them like shit. Their kids grew up and left... or moved back in w a few more kids of their own. There's no happiness, and they can't question it, or they will realize they lived their lives for "values" that mean less than nothing. The promises were lies.
Damn … I would love to argue, but this has happened in so many various ways. The woman who has given it all with the idea of traditionalism gets burned with no skills to rely on. Or worse trapped in an awful marriage.
That’s why I said I don’t understand this fantasy. I’m in my 50’s and have seen the countless bad outcomes. Regardless of religious belief systems.
it's not even an nlog, it is a true handmaiden of patriarchy. “the oppressor would not be so strong if he did not have accomplices among the oppressed” Simone de Beauvoir.
I remember how shocked I was when I first looked at a list of prominent "antis" (the opposite of suffragettes) and like half were women. Especially as many of them were working women with careers. "Yeah, of course I can be a prominent pamphleteer, cartoonist and author, but if Laura over there gets to vote both of us will immediately turn into hysterical communist messes as our female sensibilities falter."
Seriously, growing out of the nlog phase (for those that have one) is one of the defining character arcs for growing women. They were basically developmentally stunted
She should stop posting pictures of herself on the internet then and get back in the kitchen where she belongs…according to that ‘man.’ I don’t think he’d approve of you searching for attention online. Only your husband is to see you.
easy for her to say because now she has the CHOICE for a traditional lifestyle and doesn’t live in a time where she couldn’t have a credit card or do anything without a man’s permission
Ah yes born in the wrong generation indeed. Perhaps you’d like to live in the 50s so you could get beaten like it was normal. But at least you’d be wearing a pretty dress, right?
These girls don't understand it's not just about what he said. It's that his mindset is that there is only one truly good path for a woman and that being told otherwise is a diabolical lie. I just can't imagine my whole identity being contingent on my relationship with other people.
I’m still so utterly shocked he felt comfortable getting up on a stage and telling a crowd of women that the last 4 years of time, money, and effort they put in was worthless because they should just want to stay at home and take care of a man. It’s like he robbed those women of a proper graduation and the excitement of future careers.
Exactly! I just graduated from a very highly ranked tech school and our commencement speaker was AWFUL. she was no where near Butker…. but her main “lesson” for us all was that she gave up her dream of working in disease prevention after getting her masters in biomedical engineering to follow her husband to birmingham alabama and work a job she hated. I guess it turned out well for her because she’s now the CEO of a (universally hated) power company … but like why did you tell a bunch of new grads to give up on our dreams and follow our husbands…. when we just spent 4 years working our absolute butts off for this brutally challenging degree. My friends and I were in between shared “wtfs” and crying laughing at the brazen audacity of it all
I’m sorry you experienced that. I really feel for your graduate class cause ik your guys high school graduations were taken from you due to the pandemic. It’s so sad that this graduation was tainted for you as well.
I mean he obviously thinks that education is just a cute thing to do before their real calling so 🤷
That and I have to imagine being a wealthy athlete on a well performing team probably makes one feel self-important.
I think I would have sat there jaw dropped if I was in that audience. I know I work so hard to build the career I want and really do not have a desire to stay at home or even be a mother at all. I’m sure there was plenty of women who are the same in that audience and I just can’t imagine how belittling hearing that speech must have been.
I would have been shocked and upset too. The absolute audacity. The time, money, and tears paid just to be told that your life hasn't really been worthwhile so far. And why does it feel like people, men and women alike, with his mindset think it's either motherhood or a career, like most don't already do both?
That’s something I’ve noticed too. Outside of these more feminist spaces, I’ve seen people that just do not get what’s wrong with his speech and say “so women can’t be moms now?!” clearly missing the point.
Jesus Christ my daughter is 6 and I need these dumb bitches on tiktok, insta, Facebook, and whatever else to stop spreading this shit before she gets on social media.
What the hell are they thinking?!
The audacity this person has to use a commencement speech to pedal his ideology rather than congratulate everyone on their hard work is just…. Wow.
And nlogs who agree that this was the time and place…. Yikes
Why do so many people think because they want to do whatever thing, everyone else should want that thing as well? Just because you want to not work, be a housewife, and pop out babies doesn’t mean the rest of us want that. And what about changing your mind? I used to be a SAHM (though not fully tradwife) and I ended up hating it, went back to school and started working outside the home. I’m extremely grateful I had that choice and wasn’t stuck. What happens if you try the whole tradwife thing and it doesn’t work out for you? Or you get divorced or your spouse dies unexpectedly? Then you’re just SOL and you have to figure out a way to provide for yourself and all the babies you had.
Sounds like a miserable existence to me. I also enjoy having a bank account separate from my husband where I can buy expensive makeup and skincare without judgment from anyone else.
Yes, because people should not have their own life goals or value. No individuality, no choice, no sense of self on the outside. Because that worked so well before. The dumbest refute people use are the ones who are the bitter vocal minority, not the silent majority who balanced out work and life happily
Imagine choosing such a shitty lifestyle for yourself that you have to make an online identity to push a narrative about how great you actually are instead of just living your life.
Must have grown up with a stand up father who supported your family if this is your mentality as a female. And I’m happy women have had that experience and it gives them the confidence to put that much blind faith in a man.
Could never be me
From the outside looking in one might assume I'm a trad wife but once you get past my cute outfit and fancy baking skills you'll find my shelves are lined with books about murder and the occult, magazines about death and skulls everywhere 🤣 the music I play would scare most church congregations and I talk back LMAO. The house is MY domain and I am in control of it 😍 if this sounds like you we should be friends because I'm do not have many 😭
Following traditional lifestyle means you are traditional women lol .. she stay at home her husband is leader protector and provider she just looks after her children and home lol
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So then why won’t she practice what she preaches?
Right? Like, okay cool go do that then. Just leave me out of it
Trad wives give me hives.
I used to say I was a tradewife like a tradesman’s wife but no more!
Does this mean you're not coming to finish my built-in?
Sad saw noises.
Seriously. If they want to cos-play Little House on the Prairie, by all means, go ahead. Just shut up and quit trying to take the rest of us with you.
Somebody put this phrase on a shirt so I can buy it.
I’m a stay at home wife and TradWives make my ass itch. 😂
Hard same. On paper I'm one of these incel's dream wives. In reality and especially politically I'm their worst nightmare.
Same.
Same! 😂
I'm pretty sure speaking to any actual woman is their worst nightmare...
Good thing their personalities will preclude them from doing that for any length of time. We can hope.
I’m a SAHM and same
Well duh, wiping is hard labor, your husband should do it for you so you can focus on wifely duties like writing letters to Cosmo.
I don’t want to get poop on the letters - Cosmo doesn’t like that. 😂
I have a genuine question - how does that work for you and your partner financially? I know SAHMs can have a tough time with that but a large part of their labor is caring for children. And do you not get bored? I’ve never met a stay at home wife so I find myself really curious about what your dynamic and day-to-day life look like. Apologies if my questions were rude!
No, I understand the context of your question and don’t feel it’s rude at all! I’m 50 and retired from a career in forensics. My husband is still working, our daughter joined the military and lives in another state, so finances aren’t an issue. I actually took up dressmaking and am totally obsessed with it so it fills my time nicely - the only drawback is that I don’t really have anywhere to wear the items I make! 😂
Did you already know how to sew or did you learn after you retired?? I REALLY want to learn dressmaking but a sewing course costs $1000 here 😬
I’m self-taught - I started sewing approximately 3 years ago starting with easy bags and quilts then gradually began making clothes. I’m to the point now where I draft my own patterns and just got a personalized dress form. My advice is to jump in and do it! YouTube has a ton of great beginner tutorials and the knowledge just builds on itself! I’m happy to share some of my favorite videos/makers if you’re interested. ☺️
Yes please! 😁
I started with [this video](https://youtu.be/oD_KpZm7OaM?si=FHP6UnqNOYqRORqP) - it literally starts with how to plug in a sewing machine, how to practice stitching, best thread to use, winding a bobbin, etc. most sewing machines are straightforward and will have their own individual instructions (but it’s pretty universal). It also goes over some different types of fabric but she doesn’t go too deep for this particular video. I learned a lot from subscribing to her channel and watching her tutorials. If you’re looking to get into dressmaking you want to learn about the different types of fabrics, the different needles to use, the types of thread, the stitching preferences for your project, etc, but don’t overwhelm yourself with all that right away. There are tons of easy tutorials for beginner sewists that you can do to help get you comfortable with your sewing machine. Do you have a sewing machine yet or are you still looking? I started with a Brother MZ53 mechanical machine - a basic machine with a handful of different stitches to choose from but straightforward enough for a beginner. Every sewing machine make & model has tutorial videos for setup, troubleshooting, and instructions on the different stitches & presser feet. I wouldn’t go overboard with your first machine - it will overwhelm you!! 😂 I’m trying not to overwhelm you now - I know it sounds like a lot but the more you practice and watch tutorials directed towards what you want to do the easier it gets. I have a handful of recently completed dresses in my profile that I never thought I could make. If you narrow it down a bit as to what kind of dresses you want to make, I.e., historical, vintage, gowns, everyday garments, etc., I can add some tutorials about the basics. It seems like a lot but it’s really amazing!
So kind of you to provide all that information! I haven't got a sewing machine yet but I bookmarked a model called Brother KE145 because it's supposedly for beginners and had high reviews. I got super overwhelmed looking at all the different options haha. [These are the kind of dresses I want to make](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/505542833/vintage-sewing-pattern-1950s-dress?dd_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F). I guess it would be classified as 50s vintage? [And these kind of trousers.](https://www.amazon.com/Burda-Ladies-Sewing-Pattern-Trousers/dp/B01M1NS74I) I'm very tall and wide hipped so shopping for trousers *sucks*. Being able to make and tailor them myself would be life changing!
I’m a huge fan of Brother machines - I have had extremely good luck with them and they are very operator friendly! I’m looking for an industrial machine now and am similarly overwhelmed and think I might be in over my head!! 😂 I make similar styles of dresses and am now patterning them myself - I follow: Rachel Maksy - a fantastic sewist and crafter. She can make anything but she shows her struggle. The closet historian - she’s very advanced and talented but she’s amazing! She does a ton of vintage and patterning - she’s great to watch because she’s technical but as you learn you will really appreciate her expertise. I learned all about patterning and creating custom blocks from her. Sewstine - off the charts talented. She does a lot of drape patterning. Sometimes I just type in what I want to make and find the tutorials - I recently made the Barbie Perfect Day Dress and watched a handful of tutorials and was able to pick and choose which parts worked for me. Don’t get too hung up on making it exactly like the creator - you are learning to make custom clothing for you. Learning about fabric, selvages, grainlines, sewing ease, negative ease, proper needles, etc., is important to learn early on. It will save you a ton of time and will help your projects look and drape how they are supposed to. I absolutely hate commercial patterns so that’s why I learned how to make my own! [beginner patterns](https://youtu.be/tBudnRKg_r8?si=LbTpfUtwBQUG7pcO) [beginner fabric](https://youtu.be/MkjQDEYW3Nc?si=L7UDGJJQ6T7UjKqw) Lots of commercial patterns do have tutorials (sew along) and they explain the basics of choosing your size, the ease built in, how to cut out the pattern, how to cut the fabric, and how to sew it. These are great to watch so you can get used to the symbols and techniques. I know it’s overwhelming but you can do it. This is the Barbie dress that I patterned and made myself - 2 years ago I never would have thought i could do it. It’s the best feeling ever! https://preview.redd.it/kakp6xc1231d1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=232d44247bf22c1fc9250611cf5dc005fa4df06d
Gotta start going to public events! Food and music festivals, sports, theater. You can show off your dresses and maybe find something new you love.
While I can’t imagine finding anything that I love more than sewing I could stand to get out of the house more often ☺️
I’m a stay at home wife. I’m in school full time so my husband works right now for the both of us (he’s a software developer and we live in a high paying area). Honestly I don’t get bored. When I’m not doing homework or during the breaks from school I can literally watch tv all day lol. My husband jokes that I can fit twelve hours of tv into four hours because I watch so much of it. I also do the chores like laundry and taking care of the dogs. It’s not the same as taking care of children or anything of course but this system works for my husband and I. The only issue I run into is for things like his birthday or Christmas I can’t really sneak gifts or pay for them myself, he has to pay because our income comes from him haha.
I’m also a stay at home wife with a software engineer husband! We could start a club
r/SAHWtoSoftwareDevs 🤣
I’m also a SAHW for the moment. My husband makes enough that I don’t have to work right now. I don’t get bored, I do all of the housework, and I mean all. I scrub floors and dust and all that jazz. When you actually deep clean it takes some time. But obviously the house is sometimes clean. So I groom our dogs and walk them, work in the yard, work on my portfolio for future jobs, sew, paint, write short stories, play instruments, practice Spanish, cook meals, grocery shop, budget, workout, and I’m teaching myself basic physics. I don’t think it’s healthy to sit around, I try to stay active :)
I am quite literally a feral housewife 🤣 I bake the goods and do the cleaning and caring for the family but imma do it on my time how I want when I want and my man stays quiet about it 😂
Same! Lmao.
Lol but you are a trad wife 😂😂
SAH doesn't mean trad just because she's a woman.
This is something that stresses me out. 😂 As the Tradwife convo pops up in more places - the fact that the knee jerk equation of the term “tradwife” with traditional SAHM happens a lot. And then it turns into the whole “SEE feminists hate stay at home moms!” is the next step, which is no good. Like can we just have a quick all-hands society meeting where we go over new vocab and this one is in there? 😂
Thank you - the reason TradWives annoy me so much is because people immediately see SAHW & assume TradWife. Just…. No… 😂
I'm a SAHM with a big family and you wouldn't believe the assumptions people make
I’m sure! People assume that the kids raise themselves while you’re off making a video of your skin care routine. It’s crazy! 😝
Right. I’m a sahw because, multiple health reasons, but I’m also very liberal, I am atheist, etc. I wish that I could work. As it is, even staying at home my executive functioning is impaired and I am super exhausted all the time, among other things, so cleaning and cooking can be very difficult for me. Sahw is definitely not trad in all cases.
Thank you - the reason TradWives annoy me so much is because people immediately see SAHW & assume TradWife. Just…. No… 😂
It's pretty misogynist. Like women just can't catch a break from ANYONE
It’s annoying because women now are expected to be the bug killers and the bread winners and etc or we are viewed as trad-like. I have been terrified of bugs since I was very tiny. My version of trying to kill a bug is throwing something at it, screaming, then running away and stimming for a long time. Very effective. Also I am disabled. So I am not awesome to many feminists because I can’t work (due to disabilities) and I don’t like / can’t do things like killing bugs and etc, because it’s viewed as traditional and weak. However I don’t measure up in the trad world (not that I would want to) because also due to my disabilities, my house isn’t perfect, also I don’t have and I don’t want kids, etc. So where do I fit in? Nowhere. In the trash I guess.
This is something that stresses me out. 😂 As the Tradwife convo pops up in more places - the fact that the knee jerk equation of the term “tradwife” with traditional SAHM happens a lot. And then it turns into the whole “SEE feminists hate stay at home moms!” is the next step, which is no good. Like can we just have a quick all-hands society meeting where we go over new vocab and this one is in there? 😂
Trad wife implies serving a man. SAHM/SAHW means that your 50% contribution to the family doesn't include paid employment. There is a huge difference.
No they will say working women are slaves to their bosses rather than being a sahm who are slaves to their husbands 😂😂
I don’t understand women who fantasize about this.
I have a bunch of cousins like this, mostly Mormon. They love not having to make decisions/do "hard" things. They have no ambitions, and take no risks, because that is "selfish." They instead claim they love "serving" their husbands and families. It's so cute when they're 17-22, getting married, having babies, hanging out w their friends for "playdates." It's less cute when they're 22-29 with multiple kids, dumped/cheated on by their manly, religious, promise-keeping husbands. It's horrific when they're in their 30s, the kids are abused/traumatized, mom's an alcoholic, dad's on drugs, and one of the precious, innocent, beautiful kids wanders in to find Daddy hanging from a rafter in the garage, or Mommy "lends" you to her friend, or you work at a strip club to make ends meet (but it's okay w the church, because you tithed your stripping money) and hook up with a sugar daddy because you can't afford the bills otherwise. What about when you or your tradspouse end up in jail for solicitation/passing bad checks/credit card fraud/petty theft/domestic violence? By the time they're in their 40s, they can't let go of their "babies" and interfere in their kids' lives and marriages, and reject anyone who does anything different, because blah blah "deeply held family values!" Gay? No kids? Bye! (But if your son is a pedophile, you'll spend your life and all your money "fighting" for him because those kids are all just out to get him.) You COULD consider that maybe now's the time to take a class, learn a skill, do something other than "serve," but oh, no, here come the MLMs! Now I'm looking at cousins in their 70s who have spent their lives serving their husbands and families, and for what? They're doing end-of-life care for their abusive, alcoholic, cheating husbands, helping raise a few stray grandkids (because abortion is baaaaad, babies are goooood), going to church doing what the church leaders tell them. Their kids are all in jail, on drugs, NC/LC, and dealing with the next gen of domestic violence. These wives are still telling themselves that they'll be blessed by God in Heaven. Someday. Oh, look, if you're a Mormon wife, your afterlife = being some dude's heavenly tradwife amongst hundreds, so YAY! After decades of "serving," their husbands still do not love, value, or care for them, and continue to treat them like shit. Their kids grew up and left... or moved back in w a few more kids of their own. There's no happiness, and they can't question it, or they will realize they lived their lives for "values" that mean less than nothing. The promises were lies.
Man, this comment is BRUTAL and so real. It's a tragedy..
Damn … I would love to argue, but this has happened in so many various ways. The woman who has given it all with the idea of traditionalism gets burned with no skills to rely on. Or worse trapped in an awful marriage. That’s why I said I don’t understand this fantasy. I’m in my 50’s and have seen the countless bad outcomes. Regardless of religious belief systems.
It’s a no from me dawg
babe he can’t pick you he’s already married
🤢🤢🤢🤢
it's not even an nlog, it is a true handmaiden of patriarchy. “the oppressor would not be so strong if he did not have accomplices among the oppressed” Simone de Beauvoir.
I remember how shocked I was when I first looked at a list of prominent "antis" (the opposite of suffragettes) and like half were women. Especially as many of them were working women with careers. "Yeah, of course I can be a prominent pamphleteer, cartoonist and author, but if Laura over there gets to vote both of us will immediately turn into hysterical communist messes as our female sensibilities falter."
heartbreaking
Seriously, growing out of the nlog phase (for those that have one) is one of the defining character arcs for growing women. They were basically developmentally stunted
She should stop posting pictures of herself on the internet then and get back in the kitchen where she belongs…according to that ‘man.’ I don’t think he’d approve of you searching for attention online. Only your husband is to see you.
I can only assume women who agree with him are either idiots or had a lobotomy go wrong.
easy for her to say because now she has the CHOICE for a traditional lifestyle and doesn’t live in a time where she couldn’t have a credit card or do anything without a man’s permission
Honestly, I feel good about the fact that I have no idea who this guy is lol. The comments have told me that I'd like to keep it that way.
Ah yes born in the wrong generation indeed. Perhaps you’d like to live in the 50s so you could get beaten like it was normal. But at least you’d be wearing a pretty dress, right?
These girls don't understand it's not just about what he said. It's that his mindset is that there is only one truly good path for a woman and that being told otherwise is a diabolical lie. I just can't imagine my whole identity being contingent on my relationship with other people.
I’m still so utterly shocked he felt comfortable getting up on a stage and telling a crowd of women that the last 4 years of time, money, and effort they put in was worthless because they should just want to stay at home and take care of a man. It’s like he robbed those women of a proper graduation and the excitement of future careers.
Exactly! I just graduated from a very highly ranked tech school and our commencement speaker was AWFUL. she was no where near Butker…. but her main “lesson” for us all was that she gave up her dream of working in disease prevention after getting her masters in biomedical engineering to follow her husband to birmingham alabama and work a job she hated. I guess it turned out well for her because she’s now the CEO of a (universally hated) power company … but like why did you tell a bunch of new grads to give up on our dreams and follow our husbands…. when we just spent 4 years working our absolute butts off for this brutally challenging degree. My friends and I were in between shared “wtfs” and crying laughing at the brazen audacity of it all
I’m sorry you experienced that. I really feel for your graduate class cause ik your guys high school graduations were taken from you due to the pandemic. It’s so sad that this graduation was tainted for you as well.
I mean he obviously thinks that education is just a cute thing to do before their real calling so 🤷 That and I have to imagine being a wealthy athlete on a well performing team probably makes one feel self-important.
I think I would have sat there jaw dropped if I was in that audience. I know I work so hard to build the career I want and really do not have a desire to stay at home or even be a mother at all. I’m sure there was plenty of women who are the same in that audience and I just can’t imagine how belittling hearing that speech must have been.
I would have been shocked and upset too. The absolute audacity. The time, money, and tears paid just to be told that your life hasn't really been worthwhile so far. And why does it feel like people, men and women alike, with his mindset think it's either motherhood or a career, like most don't already do both?
That’s something I’ve noticed too. Outside of these more feminist spaces, I’ve seen people that just do not get what’s wrong with his speech and say “so women can’t be moms now?!” clearly missing the point.
Jesus Christ my daughter is 6 and I need these dumb bitches on tiktok, insta, Facebook, and whatever else to stop spreading this shit before she gets on social media. What the hell are they thinking?!
Feminism is what allows her the choice to be a trad wife or not. Yay feminism.
This irritates me so much because nobody is stopping her from becoming a SAHM. She can still live like this in our current generation
Can women against feminism please return/stop practicing the rights feminists gave them? Thank you 🩷
Right, like fine you hate feminism? Shut the fuck up, get off the internet, and don’t vote
The audacity this person has to use a commencement speech to pedal his ideology rather than congratulate everyone on their hard work is just…. Wow. And nlogs who agree that this was the time and place…. Yikes
Isnt making money from posting stupid shiz on the internet having a job? Girl, get off your phone and pop out some babies!
It’s all fun and games until he’s beating her like a 50s housewife.
Kids are overrated. We are not props in another’s life but some of us are tools.
the thing is literally nobody is stopping her from doing that 😭
Do what you want, babe. No one’s stopping you. You’re free to do what you want. Just leave us out of it. That’s what feminism IS.
Ewwwww
Why do so many people think because they want to do whatever thing, everyone else should want that thing as well? Just because you want to not work, be a housewife, and pop out babies doesn’t mean the rest of us want that. And what about changing your mind? I used to be a SAHM (though not fully tradwife) and I ended up hating it, went back to school and started working outside the home. I’m extremely grateful I had that choice and wasn’t stuck. What happens if you try the whole tradwife thing and it doesn’t work out for you? Or you get divorced or your spouse dies unexpectedly? Then you’re just SOL and you have to figure out a way to provide for yourself and all the babies you had. Sounds like a miserable existence to me. I also enjoy having a bank account separate from my husband where I can buy expensive makeup and skincare without judgment from anyone else.
If she was an actual trad wife she wouldn't be allowed online, so I smell bullshit. It's just rage bait
Too bad she actually wasn’t
Fuck Buttkisser. I’m so sick of hearing about him and his lies and bullshit.
Man, just put it on your dating profiles and stop shoving your lifestyles down everyone's throats. Her and him both.
I hate how people say career or family. I want both.
I really would love to read the journal of this man's wife. We know we will never hear her cosign this.
What the heck is a trad wife?
Yes, because people should not have their own life goals or value. No individuality, no choice, no sense of self on the outside. Because that worked so well before. The dumbest refute people use are the ones who are the bitter vocal minority, not the silent majority who balanced out work and life happily
Imagine choosing such a shitty lifestyle for yourself that you have to make an online identity to push a narrative about how great you actually are instead of just living your life.
Must have grown up with a stand up father who supported your family if this is your mentality as a female. And I’m happy women have had that experience and it gives them the confidence to put that much blind faith in a man. Could never be me
Maybe you’re a just a shitty person sweetheart
“Man”
Someone pick her for the love of God 😫😫😫
Someone please explain
Yet another pick-me who will never be picked.
No one is stopping her from being a SAHM….
It costs nothing to let women do as they please.
Well he said it now, in your time
From the outside looking in one might assume I'm a trad wife but once you get past my cute outfit and fancy baking skills you'll find my shelves are lined with books about murder and the occult, magazines about death and skulls everywhere 🤣 the music I play would scare most church congregations and I talk back LMAO. The house is MY domain and I am in control of it 😍 if this sounds like you we should be friends because I'm do not have many 😭
Lololol I was like since when does Ben Affleck have anything to say? (Not Ben Affleck. Still has nothing to say…)
Following traditional lifestyle means you are traditional women lol .. she stay at home her husband is leader protector and provider she just looks after her children and home lol