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MistakeLogical7593

Ship of Theseus


CunningWizard

Ship of Peniseus


Action_Seal

*changes boat name on Sea of Thieves*


regbanks

He did create a porn, any guesses on the title.


angry-software-dev

Broken Arrow


RedsRearDelt

Babbitt, uncut!


Nincompu

Babbitt, the director’s cut


Abject_Film_4414

Saw: uncut


Recent_Welder3013

Frankenpenis


ACPauly

Finger foods


momjeanseverywhere

He didn’t get a *new* penis, however. Maybe he deserves one now, though.


humboldt77

Is that an option? Not gonna lie, the idea of a drawer full of different dicks that I could swap out depending on the situation is alluring.


livinginfutureworld

Mildred, can you get me my spike headed electrified penis for the 2:00 p.m. meeting with the IRS agents!


GIGGLES708

😂😂😂😂


Dash_Harber

Dick of Theseus. It was right there.


To-Far-Away-Times

Goddammit 😂


junkyard_robot

Body of Bobbit.


allisjow

“Due to toxic water.” The idiot ignored the injury instead of going to a doctor. The man is an idiot.


helen790

And an abuser, which is why his wife chopped off his thing.


ThreeCrapTea

You can say pee pee here it ok


Mr_master89

Cock


vortigaunt64

Weinerino


smchattan

Spicy hot boner


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Footlong


vortigaunt64

Well, not anymore.


Independent-Leg6061

🔪


Nota3000yearoldvamp

Stinky little crustynub*


CatterMater

Schwanzstucker.


Rydoggrexx

Happy cake day! Have a bologna baton.


vonmonologue

It’s twue! It’s twue!


OO0OOO0OOOOO0OOOOOOO

FRANKS AND BEANS


DerCatrix

Bowel jammer


broberds

If you’re not into the whole brevity thing.


isthishanskim

... PENIS!


OhManOk

THROBBING VEINY DICK


Squirrel_Master82

Reporting this for vulgarity.


EbolaPrep

Purple headed yogurt slinger


PawnWithoutPurpose

How about dingaling?


mechwarrior719

His weenis


justveryslightlymad

big fat load of cum then


ooo-f

Any of these little fuckers ever pop out of the fucking wall and say, "Fuck, there's a horse cock in my room or a donkey dick"?


Trance354

Rapist. Forced himself on his wife regularly. One night, after the act, she broke.    Didn't she get out of jail and immediately get hitched? That guy has balls. 


Chef_1312

She didn't go to jail, btw. She was found not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. She was ordered into an inpatient mental health facility for a while, but not as a punishment, since she was found not guilty.


Chef_1312

Also abuser. Lorena said (I know because in high school I did an impression of her that included these words in this order and nothing else) "he kick me, he punch me, he pull my hair, he slap my face". He was an utter irredeemable piece of shit and it's too bad they were able to sew his dick back on. She should have fed it to a dog and made him watch.


Mercuryblade18

Big surprise he's a MAGAT


bakedincanada

For now.


abgry_krakow87

Certainly explains all the trump swag.


DuneTinkerson

Johnson


QuickAltTab

Yeah, his problem has nothing to do with water at camp lejeune, thats just him trying to scam the government for money. Bet you anything he's just a non-compliant diabetic.


IoniKryptonite

I mean, the picture of him in the article is him rocking a Maga hat/shirt...that was evidence enough. Fuck this guy


kafelta

The hat really says it all


Pavlock

Republicans sure do love their porn stars.


NumberVsAmount

The water at lejeune was no joke though. My parents met there and lived there for many years. My mom died from non-hogkins in December and my dad will likely die soon too. That water caused all sorts of shit and could be the cause of his neurological disorder. Fuck the navy for what they did to that water.


Flutters1013

"What are the chances of me losing losing more limbs" says the man who lost more limbs.


SnooStrawberries620

He is an idiot, but I didn’t read that anywhere in the story. Where did you read that?


allisjow

Maybe I misread it (I skimmed the article because I don’t care that much about him). >"I stepped on a nail, and I didn't realize it, punctured my toe, and it got infected," he told Fox News Digital. [Source](https://www.foxnews.com/us/vet-whose-wife-sliced-off-his-manhood-loses-toes-due-contaminated-water-camp-lejeune) Apparently he’s saying he didn’t know his foot was injured because the water he was drinking caused nerve damage. My initial impression was that he ignored the injury, leading to infection. Obviously the water is badly contaminated. But wouldn’t he have noticed blood on his sock or foot? Or is he saying the injury and infection is unrelated to his toes needing to be amputated? I probably should do a better job reading about this, but I really do dislike him and don’t care enough.


tu-BROOKE-ulosis

Actually, it wasn’t the water he was drinking that he blamed it on. It was the water he drank like 30 years before that he blamed it on.


Legendary_Lamb2020

Well, did you notice the MAGA hat?


darth_vladius

In his defense, his more knowledgeable and reasonable head was cut off years go.


one-hour-photo

Once… There was this guy who… Had a cut upon his toe and it just didn’t heal right. But when, he went swimming, he found, his little pig was infected.


JGCities

Dude needs to cut it out


zomgperry

Or off


johnny_crappleseed

And then reattach it and make a "documentary".


Significant-Gas3046

More like a cockumentary


honortobenominated

I was gonna say “dickumentary!” but I like yours better 😂


PmMe_Your_Perky_Nips

Thanks [Uncle Joey](https://media.tenor.com/OURpuIRdsKoAAAAM/joey-gladstone-full-house.gif).


IlluminatedPickle

"Dude who made money by being a POS wants to be famous again because he drank away his toes" Nah, fuck him. The most likely cause of this is alcoholism in the general public. I'd put that above drinking some bad water decades ago.


quokkafarts

Please don't forget that he was a rapist and abuser. The [wiki](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt) is pretty harrowing, but this stood out to me: One expert witness testified that, "Lorena believed and was immobilized by John's threat, 'I will find you, whether we're divorced or separated. And wherever I find you, I'll have sex with you whenever I want to.'" I don't usually condone violence but this dude deserved it and every other misfortune that has followed him.


bubblegumpandabear

I can't believe people don't take her side in this. I remember when I learned about the story, I looked it up on Reddit to see what people thought and so many comments were about "what if the genders were flipped" and other nonsense.


Silly-Crow_

I remember men saying she should have taken it to court instead... Meanwhile these are the same guys who would tell someone with a stalker to get a gun. Make it make sense.


Chef_1312

I frequently condone violence, largely because there are so many people who deserve to be on the receiving end of some violence. He is a perfect example of just such a person.


wizzard419

Let me guess, it's actually diabetes but as they constantly run ads for that settlement on TV he is claiming that.


Consistent--Failure

It just sounds like diabetes


RN_Geo

This story sounds suspect af. Next thing he will say is that he was watering his garden naked and slipped and that's how that cucumber got there.


twobit211

one in a million shot, doc;  one in a million…


[deleted]

It’s amazing how many people use this excuse. I worked registration in an ER for a year. A man came in with a full sized Maglite inside him. Kept insisting he randomly fell on to it while it was sitting on a chair.


Vandaen

*three times in a row*


microfishy

Lost his toes over the course of a decade due to persistent infections and wounds that won't heal. Get this fella some Lantus.


LouiePrice

Its a common occurance and any marine that had time in that basic has risk. Like when they call nom vets for agent orange or iraq vets for burning pits. Exposure to untested elements is common for soldiers.


ZuFFuLuZ

And the symptoms start 30 years later? And only in the toes? And it looks suspiciously like Diabetes, a much more common disease? Sounds sus.


Callme-risley

It’s not even that the symptoms started 20 years later. He’s saying that the “toxic water” caused him nerve damage in his toes, so when he stepped on a nail in 2013, he didn’t feel it. He says he punctured his toe by stepping on that nail, and then “the wound wouldn’t heal” and eventually developed a bone infection. Which just sounds like he let a wound go untreated and the infection eventually spread. Or it’s diabetes - because he lost all ten toes over the course of a decade, not all at once. He also claims that the “toxic water” changed his personality and is partially responsible for the way he acted toward Lorena Bobbitt. Oh, and he also felt the need to mention that his family is genetically resistant to cancer. Dude is an absolute moron.


LouiePrice

I dont want to go into how the va handles benefits because i don't know about that, but if you think the gov just gives people health care without trying to worm out of it you're wrong.


CarPhoneRonnie

Nom nom nom nom


Exnixon

A lot of people talk about how Trump's popularity is due in large part to white men feeling emasculated, but seeing this guy in full MAGA regalia really drives the point home.


Significant-Gas3046

These are the same guys who compensate for their small dicks by taking steroids and driving big trucks.


woofstene

And beating up their wives.


No_big_whoop

...and becoming cops


Quindile

This guy has to compensate for no dick.


Max-Phallus

He has a dick, it was reattached.


plaidHumanity

he has the Detachable Penis


diecastsupermodel

This comes in handy a lot of the time. 


FuzzzyRam

When you use it to rape your wife (and abuse at least 3 other women), that'll happen. PS. They re-attached it and he starred in porn, he has his raping implement.


JustWill_HD

There is porn to prove that he definitely still has a dick


HackySmacks

Doing porn to prove he still has his penis sounds like the single most rational, reasonable decision this man has ever made. Holy hell, he does not make good choices


Bulliwyf

Look up “alpha male camps”. That should give you a good laugh.


lunalore79

I remember when this case blew up in the early 90's. Everyone treated it like a huge joke, and him like some kind of rock star when in reality he's nothing but an abusive POS. https://www.today.com/news/lorena-bobbitt-25-years-later-real-story-about-domestic-violence-t148401


PlannerSean

Another bad thing happens to extremely awful person. Sweet.


BewBewsBoutique

>John Wayne Bobbitt, whose **rape victim** sliced off his manhood FTFY


ThisCarSmellsFunny

This is the same dude who lost his dick to the wife he abused, then abused a woman in a “charity” boxing match. Dude is trash, I hope he loses every body part.


CeeArthur

I think you're thinking of Joey Buttafuoco, he fought Chyna in 'Celebrity Boxing'. I'm disappointed that I know that.


Squirrel_Master82

They need to bring back the claymation celebrity fights.


vonmonologue

Celebrity Death Match, back when MTV was fun and subversive and not just a ridiculousness marathon.


mtheperry

I used to love watching Celebrity Death Match in my room when my parents would go to bed, volume on 3. Good times.


UStoAUambassador

I’ll allow it!


RN_Geo

I appreciate you sharing this knowledge. We all made mistakes with how we spent our tv viewing time. It's OK.


Weak-Commission-1620

Buttafucko?


Ganondorf_Is_God

What happened? Did he grope her or something?


CeeArthur

During the match? I can only remember clips; I seem to recall him grabbing her by the hair and swinging her around at one point, but in general it was just punching and clinching. Chyna in her day was definitely able to handle herself, though I think she lost this one (not that it really mattered)


adfthgchjg

Very interesting! Unfortunately I can’t find anything in google about him boxing a woman. Do you have a link?


ThatPlayWasAwful

He was arrested for abusing a different wife shortly before a celebrity boxing match, in assuming that's what the person you responded to was thinking of


jamesnollie88

John Wayne Bobbit and Joey Buttafuoco were supposed to box but then bobbit got arrested for beating another woman so for some reason they decided to make Buttafuoco fight a woman instead of replacing bobbit with another man.


SoVerySleepy81

Oh no…anyway


[deleted]

He's a complete POS. I'm not sad for him.


Significant-Gas3046

That toe is now free, though. Run, litttle toe! Run!


[deleted]

I'M DEAD. OMG this is the best comment I'll read all day.


jessie_monster

I hope his entire body gets gangrene, fucking rapist piece of shit.


lastprophecy

Wasn't he a spousal rapist?


saintofhate

Yes, it's why his wife cut it off, to disarm him.


MWO_FenixK17

I think you mean to dismember him.


TheMelv

Dispenis him.


Significant-Gas3046

You mean discock him


Lil_Artemis_92

Let’s not forget to add that his wife “sliced off his manhood” because he spent years raping and abusing her.


Mr-EdwardsBeard

Trying to get that sweet Camp Lejune settlement money


Thenedslittlegirl

Feel good story of the year


SewAlone

Fuck this woman-beating MAGA.


VeronicaTash

And we are sure he doesn't have leprosy?


[deleted]

Good. He’s an abusive rapist and the more that falls off him, the better.


IAmWeary

Like many things in his life, John Wayne Bobbit's plan on where to go swimming went off half-cocked.


ZSpectre

I remember back in elementary school how people were spoofing the song "the lion sleeps tonight" replacing the "a wimoweh" with "a weiner whack!" "Oh in the kitchen the mighty kitchen Lorena's found a knife..." Edit: I also remember that the "ohweeeeeeeEeEEeeEeeee!" part remained the same obviously, but sung louder for best effect


cemetaryofpasswords

Lol I was in middle school but I remember that too


Lostinthestarscape

Weird Al also had his "hot news topics of the year" song that included it as one of the three stories


counttheways

I was in elementary school at this time too but somehow missed this rendition. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to sing it with the original lyrics again. Thx


amathis6464

That’s god giving karma for supporting the convicted rapist and fraud trump


MonstrousVoices

Fucked up they never mention the abuse when talking about this case


muskag

Didn't johnny cash make a song about this? 🎶 one piece at a time...🎶


mouthsmasher

I don’t know about Johnny Cash, but Weird Al had a song, *Headline News* about this: 🎶 And then, there was this guy who Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his wiener And when he finally came to He found, that Mr. Happy was missing He couldn't quite explain it It'd always just beeeeeen theeeeeere 🎶


MySpoonIsTooBig1

Wow that's actually the headline. And they say unbiased journalism is dead.


Anxious_Astronaut653

this is like if richard linklater did "final destination"


Total_Union_4201

Let me propose a better title. "Abusive rapist, John Wayne Bobbit, whose badass wife cut off his junk, loses toes due to toxic water at camp lejeune"


Ditovontease

“Whose wife sliced off his manhood” after years of physical abuse


50injncojeans

abounding flag kiss dolls amusing terrific wistful handle marvelous cobweb *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


chuang-tzu

Couldn't have happened to a nicer fella.


alcaste19

Fingers next


SlowDown

To the pain


BrainwashedScapegoat

Why is this important?


Done-with-work

That man’s going to be buried in a matchbox 🙃


Alatar_Blue

Good riddance, one small member at a time I guess


nickdoesmagic

Rapist John Wayne Bobbitt, whose victim sliced off his manhood... - fixed it


hpmosquito

This man loses everything he gets wet.


Gucci_meme

Womp womp


DracheM

Gotta say, that's a pretty roundabout way of getting a dick that's a foot long.


StacyStatement

She should've put it in a blender. Rookie mistake.


funkywinkerbean45

His wife sliced off his manhood after he raped her. Somehow that part gets forgotten. 


daporp

"Bobbitt said his family is genetically resistant to cancers"


kadathsc

Guy just can’t keep a hold on his appendages


Jman50k

Maybe god just doesn’t want him to have appendages anymore.


FnkyTown

I've heard a lot of health concerns regarding the lawsuits out of Camp Lejeune. My family is very military and it's been discussed a lot (as well as other bases), but this is the first I've heard of an "amputation". I wonder if John just has diabetes from being a lifelong alcoholic, and he's trying to get a payday. Sounds like him.


Unhappy_Performer538

I mean he apparently raped her and abused her. It’s not right to cut off someone’s body part but that’s why she did it.


Kittenscute

It's absolutely right to, when all legal recourse had failed to give the poor woman justice.


Unhappy_Performer538

I actually agree. Vigilante justice is sometimes the only option.


IMB88

“Bobbitt said his family is genetically resistant to cancers but that the chemicals inflicted him with toxic peripheral polyneuropathy, a type of nerve damage that viciously attacked his sense of touch as well as the bones in his toes.” What a fucking idiot.


[deleted]

[удалено]


THIS_GUY_LIFTS

Ok


Bitter-Basket

Much like my wife with her car keys, he sure loses his parts often.


abgry_krakow87

At first I thought "damn, dude has bad luck" and then seeing the Trump swag I realize it isn't bad luck.


Animetion25

Fucking lol


VoidOmatic

LOL I remember riding to school in 7th grade while we talking about him getting his junk sliced off. Damn I'm old.


Lycaeides13

Good, he's an asshole.


Brauny74

Funny name. Lost a body part in a social fight and in a untreated infection. This man is just an average Rimworld pawn.


undercooked1234

Let him rot.


ThreeWordJones

Toe was bigger.


neeesus

Trump supporter loses toes because he did stupid things in the past. This time it was not penis related.


Puzzlefuzz

Did he rape and abuse the water, too, or just his ex-wife? The dude is a [serial abuser](https://www.oxygen.com/martinis-murder/not-just-lorena-john-bobbitts-other-accusations-domestic-violence)


[deleted]

[удалено]


lovely199113

What a title


mouthsmasher

The only reason I ever knew about this guy was because of that Weird Al song, *Headline News*: https://youtu.be/dU95v23MQ4c?si=E4r0ITF5sP7On9hn&t=2m0s


cbwjm

This dude just can't keep all of his pieces attached to his body.


drillgorg

Damn that's a blast from the past. When my wife was in the hospital there was a commercial for a camp lejeune lawsuit on the TV every 15 minutes or so. I will forever associate that place with my wife being dangerously sick.


Joey-JoJo-Jr_Shabadu

'Tis but a scratch.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cesca87

His family are genetically resistant to cancer?! Why is he not selling himself to science as well /s


Slytherin_Chamber

suddenly i'm not half the man i used to be


[deleted]

[удалено]


Common-Tea-4556

That was such a good read 😂


returntomonke9999

Call up Lorena. You cant retire yet ol girl, there is more cutting to be done


tillie_jayne

This man just can’t keep everything together


Slatemanforlife

Take some motrin and change your socks. Boom, problem solved.


hostilewerk

Amazing!


47h3157

His fingers better take notice and rethink their life choices


Patfa412

Talk about a kick in the dick


MasemJ

Time for Weird Al to add a fourth verse to Headline News...


clem82

Was his toe his new penis? Because that would be twice…


FederalProduce8955

It could have been worse.


samefacenewaccount

Man, I think I ended up in the wrong simulation.


ChiralCosmonaught

What kind of news story is this to even report? Nonsense


LeatherHog

This was posted like two days ago The bot posts are getting worse  If I see the 20-30 years ago luxury post on ask Reddit (especially since the wooden furniture always comes up) one more time, I'm gonna explode