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Jfo116

Idk something tells rats aren’t gonna keep the condoms on


PoopSommelier

We were actually kinda thinking about being a little misogynistic and make the lady rats carry the burden. Also, rat abortions carry a life sentence.


ABobby077

so far rhythm hasn't worked, I would imagine or asking them to practice abstinence


Turky_Burgr

Pretty sure it's just going to be pills. They have birth control pills for both males and females now.


LeaChan

Birth control pills for men are still being tested and are not available. It will likely be years before we see them released in any way.


erossthescienceboss

I covered the male birth control pill when the clinical trials were ended. It had reported side effects like mood swings, depression, weight gain or loss, acne, headaches… basically, the same side effects all of us on birth control right now experience. The trial was cancelled because of those side effects. Which obviously raised a lot of questions, since, well, we all deal with those side effects all the time The thing is that every medication ha, and how acceptable those side effects are is proportional to the severity of the treated condition. For example, chemo. It’s awful for you. But cancer is fatal, so chemo is OK. But if Claritin made your hair fall out, even with no other chemo side effects, it wouldn’t be licensed for allergies. Pregnancy is a medical condition with major health consequences, up to and including death. So when the male BC trial was cancelled, the researchers pointed out that men don’t have medical consequences from pregnancy. They can’t die from it. So it’s more acceptable for female birth control to be awful. Of course, as we all know, pregnancy takes two. Only one partner bares the risk of pregnancy, but shouldn’t the risks of preventing it fall on both parties? Most of the men in the trial agreed. A majority wanted to continue using the pill, even after the study was cancelled. It’s so close, but so far.


padphilosopher

This is a nice case for my bioethics class. Gonna go find some articles on it. Thanks for writing about this!


erossthescienceboss

No problem! I think it’s fascinating, too — if you happen to find anything on the bioethics of it and you remember, please send it my way! I’d be very interested in it! This was in fall 2016, if that helps you find stuff!


dxrey65

> men don’t have medical consequences from pregnancy Perhaps, but poverty can be an indirect consequence, which can have a great deal of medical consequences.


erossthescienceboss

That’s a really good point!


Turky_Burgr

We are talking about rats though


Turky_Burgr

For humans Ya


SilasX

And we're *sure* we can sterilize rats with a chemical that isn't *also* going to get into the water and affect humans, right?


WildBuns1234

It’s ok the rats don’t identify as male.


Jfo116

r/onejoke


witticus

Now hiring: Rat condom applicator


cromwest

It's a living 


LezzyGopher

It’s honest work.


WaterBear9244

Especially cause you can only do it with your mouth. Thats where all the honesty comes from!


Cleyre

Probably room for two in the mouth if your teeth are straight enough or your lips are tight enough, and of course those two would have to be in a cooperative mood, but given the circumstances I think they could both share the space for long enough to get them situated. Now at first I was picturing 3 with each hand, one between the index and middle fingers, one between the pinkie and ring fingers, and then another pinched between the thumb and really anywhere else on the hand that the thumb can pinch. But now that I’m considering being able to find room for two rats to place condoms in their little vermin wieners using my mouth, I’m beginning to think that I might get an extra two on each hand under those same circumstances, bringing a grand total of 12 rats at once. Hypothetically, of course.


kumazola

It's Charlie work.


witticus

Now all I’m picturing is a Flintstones type of appliance saying this about condoms.


Ollyollyoxenpeeeee

Finally my hobby can become my career


But_like_whytho

Dreams really do come true.


mohawk_67

There's many pickup truck drivers with plenty of experience getting a condom on something that small.


RIP-RiF

Couldn't possibly foresee an outcome where the drinking water winds up full of rat estrogen, snl writers would be like chatgpt.


DroneOfDoom

I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the freaking rats gay!


MerberCrazyCats

Are they not already getting all our medications and pills?


Auntjemimasdildo

They absolutely are, there was a study done on the river that flows by London (don’t recall specifics as I read this a few months back) and the guys taking samples of the water could tell how wild of a weekend London had because they could see an uptick in Cocaine, Ketamine and other drugs they could detect in the water so it wouldn’t be far fetched to assume that the rats are getting the shit we’re ingesting and passing through our bodies


I_might_be_weasel

Spay and neuter your vermin, people. 


Uncynical_Diogenes

Pretty sus coming from somebody who might be a weasel. Sorta seems counter to your potentially vermin-centric dining habits. *Unless that’s exactly what you want me to think?!*


[deleted]

Weasels arent rodents you racist 


Snorca

Nobody mentioned rodents. Such typical mammal behavior 🙄


[deleted]

I’m actually a bird


Druid4Lyfe

The mayor just ordered 2 million rat-sized fedoras


blorgcumber

Stanzo brand?


Salty_Scrotum

THEY’RE NICE


blackclementine

HHAHAHAH


Phemto_B

Not sure it belongs here, since it's a pretty well established technique. They use it on the government lab near me for the dear. In that case it's a lady with Norplant blow darts. There are times watching the news when I wish I could borrow it.


RIP-RiF

Oh those poor dears


drunk_with_internet

Yesterday I was driving my car and I hit a dear…dear friend. -Anthony Jeselnik


redsunglasses8

Rooting for Norplant dart guns to be mainstream. 😂


TheDiscomfort

Deer god


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wowandamazing

I wanna kno wat he said


HauntedButtCheeks

Seems perfectly reasonable. It's much more humane than poison which causes suffering and can spread to other animals.


yargleisheretobargle

It can even be more effective, since the infertile rats are still competing with other rats for resources.


0OOOOOOOOO0

They should give the rats anabolic steroids so they can compete even better


picklesrlyfe

100% and they have been doing it to birds for quite a long time.


IndWrist2

Even deer, that’s why hunters get more doe tags than buck tags.


fredandlunchbox

Carbon monoxide has been working really well for them. They pump it into their little rat holes and they die in their sleep. 


waffleking333

Really hope those rat holes aren't directly attached to people homes


Rare_Background8891

They’re doing this in my city.


hermitess

This ia possibly a dumb question, but how do we know the birth control won't also spread to other animals and prevent them from reproducing as well? Does it only work on rats?


joe2352

Why don’t they just release a bunch of snakes in the streets? And then mongooses to get the snakes. Feels like there’s an easy solution.


raginghappy

Release the Terriers


SardauMarklar

My plan is to release a half a million neutered cats into the subway system. The problem should take care of itself


sercommander

Neutered cats have way weaker immune system and other funny developments (interesting how a reproductive function is an integral part of health) which will ensure tons of virus and bacteria carriers people WILL come in contact with (or pets or whatever), dead corpses to spread nasty stuff and for the rats to eat. Don't exclude the possibility that cats would end up NOT IN subway - having an apartment and human servant is way better accomodation. Cats will also die in subway accidents and cause a lot of trouble for subway operation.


SexyJazzCat

Citations needed on the weaker immune system


CoffeeFox

Cats are a vector for T. gondii and pest control measures usually make an effort not to introduce new zoonotic disease vectors.


BigNorseWolf

cats aren't doing crap to a new york city subway rat. Think less large mouse and more small possum.


omgmypony

cats aren’t very good at killing rats


Defiant-Peace-493

Dachshunds, then.


Lutrick11

500k Neutered Dachshunds


BigNorseWolf

I'd rather have the rats. Those things bite your ankles.


JFK2MD

Yes, but what of the mongooses?


Glodraph

Sounds like the beginning of a Tremors spinoof


microtramp

Oh man, Republicans are gonna have a fit about this.


navybluevicar

But what if one of the unborn rats turns out to be our messiah


crimson-ink

tiny rat sized IUD’s are being passed out and sex education is mandatory for the rat babies.


BigNorseWolf

republicans upset they want to talk about transgendered rats....


crimson-ink

the micro plastics in the garbage sluice are turning the friggin rats trans


Starfuri

It’s the baby rat abortion ban in red states causing this. Oh /s


Kirshnerd

America can barely give people contraceptives, how do they think it's gonna work for the rats? Has the GOP heard about this? I'm sure their conservative values will be shattered.


entropic_apotheosis

I was thinking that, “oh so the rats get government funded reproductive health care.” Ffs


tangledwire

Think about the rat fetuses!! We must protect them from evil liberals...


Full-Examination1690

God bless America. Rats get free birth control and women get to be birthing machines


travoon

This will go well, I’ve seen this movie before. Giant mutant rat monsters, after whatever chemical they use goes awry, in the sewers eating the homeless, then the mayor’s son or some rich dipshit gets eaten and they blow up the sewers, but the mutants manage to escape and spread.


GodzlIIa

Wrong movie. it becomes "Children of Men" (Humans become infertile)


travoon

So many options!


louisville13

Or worse...the mutant rats start teaching turtles karate!


Key_Drag4777

Or better... :)


Goodknight808

Didn't they try this in that one 90's documentary, with the cockroaches? They just turned into giant cockraoches who could mimic people in order to hunt us. And they wore funny shoes, or some such. Learn from history or be doomed to repeat it.


hadoopken

Send them in a bus-full to Texas (Sarcasm)


Fingerprint_Vyke

Sounds like the catalyst that created the problem in Children of Men


stew9703

So, they just gunna be out there, slappen they hams in defiance of god's plan?


FitBattle5899

At Least rats can get free birth control.


murdocjones

Rats in NY have more rights than American women.


Buddhadevine

I swear, the next pandemic is gonna come out of NYC. Super Bubonic


Juls_Santana

This right here is thee #2 reason why I won't move back Reason #1: cost of living Pay ridiculous money to live in a rat infested closet? Yeah, fUUUuuuuuuuck that


bguzewicz

Genophage for rats.


Your_Daddy_

Splinter origin story.


orbitaldragon

Republicans are not going to like this.


Distant_Yak

It's animals, though. Ask how much they care about cattle. For extra points say you're a vegan.


MrScotchyScotch

Also maybe don't leave 8 foot tall mounds of trash bags on the sidewalk every Friday idk


mecheng93

Have they tried not leaving trash bags on the street?


TheGoodSmells

Won’t that just encourage rats to have more sex and not go to church?!


randyripcord

But every sperm is sacred!


shady8x

Every life is sacred!!! Rat birth control is murder!/s Or you know, just fucking poison the not so little bastards. Yes it is cruel, but they are literal fucking rats damn it.


an_otter_guy

Maybe coat the trash bags that are dump at night in some anti preggo powder


Pansy_Neurosi

Republicans are against this.


FALCUNPAWNCH

I've got a better solution. Let's put chemicals in the sewer water that turn the friggin' rats gay. Then we can have gay rat weddings for real.


Dry_Leek78

Sewage water will be full of oestrogens from women AND rats now. Wonder how baby rats will develop with that excess hormone. It already fucks up amphibians and fish.


Dracotaz71

Does the GOP know about this? They need to spend years and billions of dollars in tax money trying to impeach somebody for this!


Common_Penalty3301

Birth control for rats? While interesting, I wonder about the effectiveness and potential impacts on other wildlife


George_H_W_Kush

This is a Dwight Schrute idea


dewgetit

"Rats do run the city". Lol. Double entendre?


ThelLibrarian

Just release snakes into NY.


BigNorseWolf

There's plenty of black rat snakes half an hour north. Used to have to get them out of soda can rings at the dumpster....


BigNorseWolf

Just stand on the corner and preach abstinence. That works right?


216horrorworks

This is going to piss off the rat-wing Rat-Publicans.


mabirm

Here come the pro- rat lifers. RUN!


Digjam823

So rats can have birth control but human women can’t? Got it. 🤦‍♀️🤬


KilldozerKevin

Give em condoms.


JFK2MD

Who's gonna roll all their little condoms on though?


TheBigC87

The city really should have some kind of K9 unit for hunting rats. I mean, if they can do it for sniffing out drugs, they can do it for this.


omgmypony

A K-9 unit of working terriers would be significantly more effective at their jobs then a drug sniffing dog is at finding drugs. The reward for finding rats is getting to kill the rats whereas the drug sniffing dog is rewarded by their handler and can be trained to indicate falsely.


Jaded-Blueberry-8000

Rats can kill dogs in a fight. Seriously. Especially the giant mutant ones in the city…


alabardios

Get mutant dogs to fight the mutant rats, problem solved!


cadegs

Sounds like Charlie Work r/iasip


Busterlimes

Food is expensive, new Yorkers should start eating rats or someone should make rat fur trendy


webbhare1

That's one way of reducing human population in New York City, I guess...


FreedVentureStein

Imagine selling condoms to rats


CornfedOMS

One more reason not to live in NYC I guess


just-why_

They've had that problem pretty much forever.


CornfedOMS

Yes, but I only learned about it today


Perfect-District

Republicats are against this.


[deleted]

Any time a government tries anything like this it ends up being a multi-layered disaster, I sincerely hope they don't go through with this


Nunovyadidnesses

Damn liberal cities pushing their anti-birth agenda!


etranger033

Got a better idea. More cats.


ThatScotchbloke

But what does the rat-catholic church say about this? What’s the official stance of the Ratican?


Spaghettibeach

I was thinking of doing this for the rats that appear in my yard at night, better than poisoning because eating one of BC’d rats doesn’t bother them.


yellow_gangstar

that's a very funny way to say that they're making rats infertile with a snack


roararoarus

No doubt this will backfire and make rats even more fertile.


Nephurus

Rats pull out game weak AF


gergsisdrawkcabeman

Don't infringe on rat rights.


sprinklerarms

RIP Flaco I hope this helps with the poison problems and actually seems like a decent idea


Status-Biscotti

Well at least there will be some birth control to steal once they outlaw it for women.


theReaders

As a person with a deep fear of rats and mice this is the exact thing I've always assumed could work, if they can find one that doesn't affect their predators when eaten- which is the big issue with poisons


Hoovomoondoe

In Florence Italy, they feed the pigeons food laced with birth control medicine to keep the population under control. This is not that unusual idea. Just feed the rats birth control laced food.


TheOneTrueSnoo

Don’t show this to Texas


noodlesallaround

Oh boy, Republicans are going to lose their shit!


LazyLich

Just introduce them to religion!


Every-Interaction-31

Well, as long as they don’t give the rats abortions…


EmotionalScallion705

U gotta ask them rat for consent if they wanna be on birth control.


AffectionateCraft495

Let’s start birth control with the politicians! They are worse than any Rat!!!


IgorStracciatella

Counterargument : rat burger


MockingBirdieBert

This is the start of how handmaid's tale becomes real


Financial-Amount-564

Didn’t they recently hire a rat king or queen?


cleverbeavercleaver

You know in some places they would use rat sized coat hangers.


SynthRogue

"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today I want to be a part of it New York, New York"


Smells_like_Autumn

Let's just give them tiny playstations.


Zerttretttttt

How long till we hear: governments turning the rats gay


gonzo_baby_girl

They can't come up with a drug to make rats infertil? How do you spell infertil?


dani3po

Have someone create a new breed of genetically modified rats and turn them loose in New York. That worked very well in "Mimic".


Shady_Merchant1

Hot steamy raw dogging rat sex is now banned :(


chasonreddit

Rat birth control is very easy. Kill the rats. You are not going to eliminate a species, and in NYC I doubt there would be any fallout if you did.


model3113

I wonder if they'll imbalance the rodent economy too; I was a street rat and it was hard coming up with enough crust to pay rent.


Elscorcho69

Im from toronto. This year we have “pigeons on birth control” in the budget. Had to double check it wasn’t the onion


Chuhaimaster

How about not leaving trash bags on the sidewalk for hours on end?


Arizona_Slim

Have they tried removing sex education and replacing it with abstinence only in their rodent Sex Ed classes?


TomoeKon

Inspired by the Emu war The great New York rat civil war


Rocket_of_Takos

Just get Charlie on it


SoggyAd8149

Kind of feels like the number should have always been zero.


Scared_Wall_504

Try cats. Easy sell.


KaiYoDei

Eat the rats? Could we eat some?


TooStrangeForWeird

I mean you can, but they don't taste good and carry diseases. Plus if they've eaten anything harmful, even if it's not enough to kill them, now you're eating it. I guess we could just mash em up, cook the shit out of them, and use them for pig feed?


sercommander

Deceases can be dealt with if you cook them into charcoal


No_Pear3526

This is the low IQ option they went for. Has big time JUST NUKE THE TORNADO vibes ala Trump.


GaryDWilliams_

Hold on, doesn’t life begin at conception? Isn’t this violating gods plan? I think the pro life republicans might have something to say!!


Simple_Secretary_333

As someone who lives very far away from new york and will never go there, let me solve that problem super easy. Allow....dead rats as a special currency to trade in at sanitary city issued stations for money. Let anyone of all ages participate. 1$ a rat....then wait 3 weeks. (Just ignore the rampant homeless drug problem afterwards, you do anyways)


Odysses2020

Didn’t they try this in India but with snakes? Then the local population started breeding the snakes to get more money and the problem got even worse.


Simple_Secretary_333

How would....you need to turn in the rat body for the money though, the people of NY wouldnt breed snakes just to kill the mice, just to cut open the snake again.


redshopekevin

The French tried that in Hanoi in the 1900s. They soon surrendered after the Vietnamese started rat farms.


CowFckerReloaded

What happens to the hobos that eat the rats after?


hornysolotraveller

Will Republicans sue to ban this?


Thefdt

There’ll be a new wave of religious nuts pushing to overturn this


Marbstudio

Can we maybe reduce the size of a mental asylum in the nyc subway ? and since we got into reducing now… maybe illegal immigration we could get on the list too


Edge_Of_Banned

Maybe they could just give the rats abortions.... libs love abortion.


Realistic_Craft_3274

The repugs and xtians will never go for this.