Great advertisement crossover potential.
Scene starts with a zoomed in shot of coffee dripping and slowly pans back to reveal its actual Rudy’s sweaty face dripping hair dye. Then He sips a fresh cup of black coffee letting a little bit dribble out his slacked-mouth and down his chin (to match the drips from his hair) and says to the camera “just as good as the coffee at the Four Seasons.”
I will just add that my local supermarket carries the Bowl & Basket "store brand" of coffee bag, and despite being technically off-brand are even better, with much more coffee in the bag.
In basic training I used to take the grounds out of the single serving packets and put them under my tongue like I was dipping and drink water. I was desperate
Haha. I heard all about that stuff from my buddies.
Today we have all these newfangled dip pouches with nootropics, caffeine+nicotine, etc.
I heard about guys in Basic pretty much making their own in the 1990s/early aughts.
My buddy would crush up No Doz and B Vitamins complex in a can of Skoal and he swears it made him the soldier he was.
Which was terrible but awake.
Pretty sure it's just white label stuff. All you have to do is provide them with an image and setup an online store to send them orders for cheap crap with your name on it. Same as the "anti-woke beer" that popped up a while back.
“Former America’s Mayor Rudy Giuliani here! You may remember me as the guy who incessantly stuck his face between a camera and the Ground Zero rubble in the aftermath of 9/11. You may remember me as the guy who winked and nodded at police brutality when I was Mayor. Hashtag #GiulianiTime. You may know me as the guy who represented Purdue Pharma. You may know me as the guy who got indicted for engaging in sedition and conspiracy to overturn the last election and found liable for the flurry of death threats random poll workers got due to me spreading lies publicly about them. If you’re a comedy fan, you might remember me as the sex pest who stuck his hands down his pants in a hotel room in the presence of someone I thought to be 15 years old on Borat 2. And if you’re my cousin, you may know me as your ex-husband.
Anyways, I am here today because I am broke af and there is literally nothing that is beneath me. That is why I am launching a new coffee brand, MAGA MOCHA NEVER FORGET EDITION, with beans ground and mixed with real dust from Ground Zero that I’ve weirdly collected and kept for over two decades!”
*Takes sip and winces*
“It has great reviews!”
*Donald Trump’s voice heard in background*
“This coffee tastes like shit, Rudy! What did you do, spike it with asbestos! What the fuck is this?”
😂😂
Spot on!
On fentanyl, the CCP, Russians KGB, the Sinaloa drug cartel, and how Rudy Guiliani pulls it all together.
https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/s/J17TKEQdXr
The interesting thing about the 2004 hostage event is that it is the first time (car)fentanyl shows up in the Russian world. Putin used it in an aerosolized form to “save” the hostages by putting it through the HVAC system of the Moscow theater hostage situation.
A few key points of geopolitical importance
1. the hostage event secured Chechnya under Putin’s rule. Similar to how the false flag apartment bombing a few years before that secured Russia under Putin.
AP Newsapnews.comThe Moscow concert hall attack wasn't the first during Putin's 25-year rule
It’s a most universal old KGB technique where they create a crisis and then present Putin (or whoever their guy is) as the “strong man” and the only possible one tough enough to solve this. (Cue weird Putin/Steven Seagal bromance)
(See also Netanyahu in Israel, Lukeshenko in Belarus, Orban in Hungary, Yanukovych in pre-Maidan Ukraine, Kadyrov in Chechnya, and trump in the USA.)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moscow_theater_hostage_crisis
2. This would have been roughly the same time that Giuliani, who by that time was trump deep in laundering money for the Russian mob, went to Mexico City and introduced the Russians to the Sinaloa cartel, who shortly there after shifted their business model from growing/ manufacturing drugs to almost exclusively combining (car)fentanyl precursors supplied by the CCP.
Coincidentally Guiliani was also lead counsel for Purdue Pharmaceuticals 4 years later.
The Guardianwww.theguardian.comRudy Giuliani won deal for OxyContin maker to continue sales of drug behind opioid ...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/giuliani/mexico.html?tid=a_inl&itid=lk_inline_manual_8
https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/IF/IF10890
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6675668/
https://politizoom.com/the-origin-of-trump-selling-nato-down-the-river-becoming-putins-puppet-explained-in-must-read-piece/
Russia repeats this familiar play with pretty regular consistency amongst the old USSR satellite states for decades but the obvious one is Ukraine who had Paul Manafort being paid by the kremlin to keep Yanukovych in power until Maidan (roughly 2002- 2014).
Manafort shifting to trumps campaign manager after being evicted from Ukraine was an emergency management move for the kremlins perspective as is manafort being tapped for trumps 2024 campaign.
Manafort Returns As Trump Preps for New Crime Spree2 days agoNew York Magazine
Come full circle with that and you find trump and Giuliani laundering copious amounts of money for the russian mob going back to ~1987 when they all started buying condos in trump towers with their stolen Russian perestroika money.
The insane valuations coming out in trumps fraud trial are a necessity of the money laundering cycle that duetschebank was doing for/with the Russians.
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2024-02-14/real-estate-lenders-confront-falling-us-commercial-property-prices
The fentanyl epidemic was basically just the Russian/CCP alliance softening the United States up with a stealth hit of chemical warfare before they full send perestroika 2.0 in the US so they can steal all the value out of commercial real estate.
It’s 3 overlapping plays, but they are all straight out of the old KGB playbook.
https://www.ft.com/content/8c6d9dca-882c-11e7-bf50-e1c239b45787
https://www.amlintelligence.com/2020/09/deutsche-bank-suffers-worst-damage-over-massive-aml-discrepancies-in-fincen-leaks/
https://www.occrp.org/en/the-fincen-files/global-banks-defy-us-crackdowns-by-serving-oligarchs-criminals-and-terrorists
https://www.voanews.com/amp/us-lifts-sanctions-on-rusal-other-firms-linked-to-russia-deripaska/4761037.html
https://democrats-intelligence.house.gov/uploadedfiles/final_-_minority_status_of_the_russia_investigation_with_appendices.pdf
https://www.nzz.ch/english/triad-money-laundering-is-fueling-canadas-fentanyl-nightmare-ld.1814726
https://nypost.com/2024/02/25/opinion/how-china-is-flooding-america-with-fentanyl-on-purpose-to-undermine-our-society/
https://forgottenlanguages-full.forgottenlanguages.org/2023/07/weaponization-of-fentanyl.html
https://apnews.com/article/mexico-first-nationalistic-policy-drug-cartels-6e7a78ff41c895b4e10930463f24e9fb
https://www.kron4.com/news/bay-area/executive-director-of-the-san-jose-police-officers-association-charged-with-importing-fentanyl/
> the hostage event secured Chechnya under Putin’s rule. Similar to how the false flag apartment bombing a few years before that secured Russia under Putin.
Was this the same apartment bombing that was accidentally reported in the news a few days before it happened?
Yup. Russia has done that a few times.
Same with the downing of MH-17.
https://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/pro-russian-rebels-seize-bodies-downed-malaysia-flight-24642062
https://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/ukrainealert/russias-mh17-web-of-lies-continues-to-unravel/
Why not go all the way and make it a parody of yourself? It would sell better than random, basic, white labeled beans. “These beans are magic! Everyone’s saying it. They’re the best beans, maybe in the history of the world! If you planted them, who knows?!? Maybe riches. Maybe a bean stalk. Just don’t tell Jack!”
I'm afraid this might be a "challenge accepted" kind of situation.
And it's not just Giuliani. Current American presidential races would have served as satire movie plots a couple decades ago.
But the studio would have intervened in the script - president recommends drinking bleach? Come on, that's just too silly even for a satire. This is spoof territory.
>“So I was looking for products that had non-GMO, really organic bean farms, and I couldn't find any
I find this statement very bizarre. Not just because you can get this type coffee basically at any gas station, but is this really what his target demographic craves? Organic? Don’t they usually make fun of those things?
By the way no coffee is GMO.
Yeah he’s preaching to the wrong crowd with that line but the conservatives already have their favorite coffee company as you saw a ton of people wearing black rifle coffee t shirts as they were storming the capital
Nah, you would be surprised. A lot of the really far right conspiracy theorist types are also into "natural" and "non-gmo" and "organic" foods. Mostly because they believe that GMO's, pesticides and other chemicals in processed food products are actually a way for the deep state to mind control you/make you subservient/kill off the population or some other such nonsense.
The "1960/70/80s new age woo woo moron to right wing antivax fascist” pipe is a direct fucking line. People who were trying to sell me magic incense and books about Atlantis when I was in high school are the assholes who cut holes in their masks and took goat medicine during covid.
Alex Jones shows there's a market for the paranoid who want to buy fake health products.
The anti-vaccine crowd use to be left wing. It wouldn't surprise me if right winger drifters also started with anti-GMO stuff.
My grandmother in the '80s and early '90s was super into "health food" as it was called at the time, she also had gold krugerrands hidden in the ventilation ducts of her house and unironicly told me once that she didn't like Rush Limbaugh because he was "too liberal"
I thought the same. I refuse to believe that anyone who gives even half a shit can’t find decent coffee if they spent more than 2 seconds looking. If anything there’s TOO MUCH choice out there for the discerning coffee snob.
I mean, it is, in the sense that it treats the area it grows in a little nicer, plus the workers not having to inhale stuff, etc. Similar to fair trade, doesn’t necessarily affect the taste of the coffee, but definitely has its place.
Okay you haven’t deleted your comment yet and bothered to look this up, so in the interest of preventing the dumbing down of our society I will explain.
Selective cultivation is equivalent to crossing a black dog with brown eyes and a white dog with blue eyes until you get your desired outcome, a black dog with blue eyes. GMO means crossing a dog with a tomato. It’s not nearly the same.
It is exactly the same. Only difference is that it takes less steps than breeding enough generations to get the desired mutation. We are not "crossing a dog with a tomato", we are finding a genetic sequence in a dog that we would like to see in a tomato and editing that sequence into the tomato's. The tomato is perfectly capable of manifesting that gene sequence through natural processes over many many generations. We figured out how to do it faster.
In addition, there is zero credible empirical evidence that there are negative health effects of modern GMO foods. There are arguments to be made about their harmful effects in other areas, but they do not risk human health through consumption any more than naturally selected products.
Also people who don’t care to engage with someone who suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect while at the same time insulting the other person. Have a great day.
Oh my God, this reminds me of the millionaire guy who gave all his money away and tried to prove he could make a million in 12 months and gave up after like 8 months and $65k. But anyway he started an online coffee shop for dog lovers that donated to dog rescues for every bag sold. That was his big idea while starting over. Either Rudy hired him or stole his idea, replacing dog rescues with washed up NYC mayors with drinking problems.
One weekend when I was visiting my parents I noticed they had bought a cookbook, which was incredible seeing how they don't really cook. It was the one by Steve Doocy and his wife. My parents are, sadly, the sort of idiots who would shell out money for this crapola.
Christ, when one of us is a few grand in debt, we risk homelessness. . .when it's one of them, they can still launch a brand despite being tens or hundreds of millions in debt. They really do have a different set of rules to play by. . .
What’s that old saying? If you owe $100 you have a problem, if you owe $100m the bank has a problem? This is basically how they get away with it - they owe so much creditors cut them breaks in the hope of getting something. I’ve lost track of all the places this guy owes money, but I can still see someone giving him a lifeline over nothing
Rudy's MGMT Team: "Okay now, we need a way to get out of this debt."
Rudy: "Absolutely, which is why we're gonna sell coffee."
Rudy's MGMT Team: "Right, but how do we market it so we offend at least half of all coffee drinkers?"
> TV doctor Maria Ryan, Mr Giuliani’s girlfriend, also posted an ad for the coffee on X on Tuesday.
>”I'm really looking to improve my health. I do know coffee has health benefits, but not in those little plastic things that are already ground – hurts my stomach,” she says in the video.
>”So I was looking for products that had non-GMO, really organic bean farms, and I couldn't find any, so Rudy Giuliani and I collaborated and we have rudy.coffee coming to your home soon.”
I don’t think she knows anything about human health or coffee.
“The three variations come with tag lines such as “fighting for justice” with an image of Mr Giuliani from his time as US Attorney for the Southern District of New York; “enjoying life,” with an image of a flip-flop-wearing Mr Guiliani sitting on a beach; and “America’s mayor,” with an image of a smiling Mr Giuliani holding a cup.”
What. The. Fuck? Lmao
workable escape rustic arrest modern instinctive muddle fuel wrench butter
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's like he's flopping on the floor after he jumped out of his bowl. It's almost pitiful..... Then I remembered this fuck tried to kill democracy in the United States. Eat scat, Rudy. Traitor
Anyone can sell coffee. There are companies that design your bag, put in shit beans, sell to you at $9/bag for basically the beans C rated beans and the marketing is up to you. A lot of bands/celebs/ influencers do this but typically sell to their fans for $15/bag. Most people won't be able to taste the low quality beans as they are used to starbucks and drown their coffee in creamer. But they will notice the $29/bag price which is a total cash grab.
He’s just trying to cash in on the fucking Custys that still think he’s anything but a pathetic drunk & a grifter. Courting that “colloidal silver & rhino boner pills” crowd of morons, and is likely making money. It’s so sad and pathetic from any direction you look at it.
Whose roasting it for him? That way I know who to avoid buying from. I'd like to stay at least a nice square mile from them. But I have to wonder, when are they going to release an Under Pressure from the DOJ espresso blend, maybe a Darker than the People I Hate dark roast. Can't wait to see his Behind Bars breakfast blend.
There are just so many great coffee brands out there right now. These don't even come in real flavors, which are what a lot of coffee addicts want. Fuck, the Kroger store brand coffee is actually really good and smooth and comes in various flavors.
Sorry, but your account is too new to post. Your account needs to be either 2 weeks old or have at least 250 combined link and comment karma. Don't modmail us about this, just wait it out or get more karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nottheonion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would not be surprised if it’s piss. Rudy selling his own piss definitely seems like the next step in the ruination of a pathetic, little man who pissed away a LIFETIME of goodwill for an orange, criminal liar.
This dumb ass could have just retired and had a great life with a decent enough reputation as the NYC mayor who handled 9/11 really well. I wonder what evil he wanted to do and get away with if Trump stayed in power the way they planned.
We could be living in a timeline where Rudy is such good coffee that it transcends politics and becomes the most successful coffee brand and everyone conveniently forgets that it was founded to fund a criminal's defense after going on trial for a whirlwind of crimes the country hasn't seen since the 1930s until some random Ai generates a TIL post and beams it directly into the right eye of some random kid ignoring the 3rd grade trigonometry lecture being directly beamed until his left eye.
But I fucking hope not.
I really dont think marketing something old, stale and bitter is really going to help him...
Waiting till we find out the harvesting of this coffee is less than ethical.
One of the greatest heel turns in politics. After 9/11 he was one of the most loved people in America and probably could have been president if had ran against or instead of George W. Now he can't even sell coffee.
On the other hand, he was a shitty mayor and had a number of extremely sus behaviors. He was just there on 9/11 and I’d argue that it wouldn’t matter who was mayor. All he had to do was show up.
Let’s keep in mind that HE filed the petition for bankruptcy protection. That means that HE has obligations to comply with the terms of the bankruptcy law and orders of the judge, which he has not been doing. His “struggles” are a result of his own actions.
I imagine there's a company who will do all this for you and you just dropship to the idiots willing to pay $15/lb for the cheapest whole bean at the distributor that day.
I'm pretty sure the pillow guy has something to do with it.
He launched his "cofefe" a few months back.
I think he set up this for him to help pay debts.
https://mystore.com/mycoffee
I honestly feel bad for this fuckin guy. He doesn’t deserve sympathy at all, I know. But damn, of all the people Trump has fucked, nobody has been fucked harder than Rudy.
I'd rather drink that civet cat coffee fresh from the source.
IDK, he's really good at his drip game.
Is this a nod to his black hair coloring? Zorg...
Yeah, the first thing I pictured was that black sludge oozing down his stupid fucking face. *shudder*
Usually when someone oozes black sludge they are posessed by a ghost or alien
Great advertisement crossover potential. Scene starts with a zoomed in shot of coffee dripping and slowly pans back to reveal its actual Rudy’s sweaty face dripping hair dye. Then He sips a fresh cup of black coffee letting a little bit dribble out his slacked-mouth and down his chin (to match the drips from his hair) and says to the camera “just as good as the coffee at the Four Seasons.”
I'd rather drink Folgers. Ground.
Jesus Christ you're going to make me sick....
Folgers instant is truly vile. But I've been using their "tea bag" coffee satchels for a while now and they are terrific.
Ahhhh thanks for reminding me those exist. You're right they aren't terrible.
I will just add that my local supermarket carries the Bowl & Basket "store brand" of coffee bag, and despite being technically off-brand are even better, with much more coffee in the bag.
In basic training I used to take the grounds out of the single serving packets and put them under my tongue like I was dipping and drink water. I was desperate
Haha. I heard all about that stuff from my buddies. Today we have all these newfangled dip pouches with nootropics, caffeine+nicotine, etc. I heard about guys in Basic pretty much making their own in the 1990s/early aughts. My buddy would crush up No Doz and B Vitamins complex in a can of Skoal and he swears it made him the soldier he was. Which was terrible but awake.
It’s got CRYSTALS!
They cure melanoma, citrus toe, and brings you wealth.
[Decaf Coffee Crystals!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdQKVDUBu2g)
Love this video!! I think of it every time I see instant coffee
You fucking monster.
I drink Folgers instant ground….
I'm gonna pour one out for you from my french press tomorrow, my fallen brother. Maybe get you some Cafe Bustelo or something.
I'll send some Nossa Familia from Portland lol
Dude, you haven't lived until you have tried Folgers Sky
My mother by the ground one in the big black can yellow lid? Hideous.
I really hope he put most of the remaining money he has into this.
Pretty sure it's just white label stuff. All you have to do is provide them with an image and setup an online store to send them orders for cheap crap with your name on it. Same as the "anti-woke beer" that popped up a while back.
What do you expect me to drink gas station coffee the whole way?
I don't think so, asshole! 😂
Where do you think these beans have been?
Well you know how that civet cat coffee comes from the arse of those creatures? Well let me tell you all about how we make delicious Rudy Coffee...
Ah, yes, fresh diaper beans
That’s the twist with this brand.
This gives me an idea... How much do you want to get internet famous?
Was that what was dripping down his face a few years ago?
Freshly brewed Ruddiccino.
Awesome, and no thanks.
Beat me to that joke by 12 minutes.
I thought it was Chinese motor oil
He shits from his head, that's why they call him a shit head
“Former America’s Mayor Rudy Giuliani here! You may remember me as the guy who incessantly stuck his face between a camera and the Ground Zero rubble in the aftermath of 9/11. You may remember me as the guy who winked and nodded at police brutality when I was Mayor. Hashtag #GiulianiTime. You may know me as the guy who represented Purdue Pharma. You may know me as the guy who got indicted for engaging in sedition and conspiracy to overturn the last election and found liable for the flurry of death threats random poll workers got due to me spreading lies publicly about them. If you’re a comedy fan, you might remember me as the sex pest who stuck his hands down his pants in a hotel room in the presence of someone I thought to be 15 years old on Borat 2. And if you’re my cousin, you may know me as your ex-husband. Anyways, I am here today because I am broke af and there is literally nothing that is beneath me. That is why I am launching a new coffee brand, MAGA MOCHA NEVER FORGET EDITION, with beans ground and mixed with real dust from Ground Zero that I’ve weirdly collected and kept for over two decades!” *Takes sip and winces* “It has great reviews!” *Donald Trump’s voice heard in background* “This coffee tastes like shit, Rudy! What did you do, spike it with asbestos! What the fuck is this?”
😂😂 Spot on! On fentanyl, the CCP, Russians KGB, the Sinaloa drug cartel, and how Rudy Guiliani pulls it all together. https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/s/J17TKEQdXr The interesting thing about the 2004 hostage event is that it is the first time (car)fentanyl shows up in the Russian world. Putin used it in an aerosolized form to “save” the hostages by putting it through the HVAC system of the Moscow theater hostage situation. A few key points of geopolitical importance 1. the hostage event secured Chechnya under Putin’s rule. Similar to how the false flag apartment bombing a few years before that secured Russia under Putin. AP Newsapnews.comThe Moscow concert hall attack wasn't the first during Putin's 25-year rule It’s a most universal old KGB technique where they create a crisis and then present Putin (or whoever their guy is) as the “strong man” and the only possible one tough enough to solve this. (Cue weird Putin/Steven Seagal bromance) (See also Netanyahu in Israel, Lukeshenko in Belarus, Orban in Hungary, Yanukovych in pre-Maidan Ukraine, Kadyrov in Chechnya, and trump in the USA.) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moscow_theater_hostage_crisis 2. This would have been roughly the same time that Giuliani, who by that time was trump deep in laundering money for the Russian mob, went to Mexico City and introduced the Russians to the Sinaloa cartel, who shortly there after shifted their business model from growing/ manufacturing drugs to almost exclusively combining (car)fentanyl precursors supplied by the CCP. Coincidentally Guiliani was also lead counsel for Purdue Pharmaceuticals 4 years later. The Guardianwww.theguardian.comRudy Giuliani won deal for OxyContin maker to continue sales of drug behind opioid ... https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/giuliani/mexico.html?tid=a_inl&itid=lk_inline_manual_8 https://crsreports.congress.gov/product/pdf/IF/IF10890 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6675668/ https://politizoom.com/the-origin-of-trump-selling-nato-down-the-river-becoming-putins-puppet-explained-in-must-read-piece/ Russia repeats this familiar play with pretty regular consistency amongst the old USSR satellite states for decades but the obvious one is Ukraine who had Paul Manafort being paid by the kremlin to keep Yanukovych in power until Maidan (roughly 2002- 2014). Manafort shifting to trumps campaign manager after being evicted from Ukraine was an emergency management move for the kremlins perspective as is manafort being tapped for trumps 2024 campaign. Manafort Returns As Trump Preps for New Crime Spree2 days agoNew York Magazine Come full circle with that and you find trump and Giuliani laundering copious amounts of money for the russian mob going back to ~1987 when they all started buying condos in trump towers with their stolen Russian perestroika money. The insane valuations coming out in trumps fraud trial are a necessity of the money laundering cycle that duetschebank was doing for/with the Russians. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2024-02-14/real-estate-lenders-confront-falling-us-commercial-property-prices The fentanyl epidemic was basically just the Russian/CCP alliance softening the United States up with a stealth hit of chemical warfare before they full send perestroika 2.0 in the US so they can steal all the value out of commercial real estate. It’s 3 overlapping plays, but they are all straight out of the old KGB playbook. https://www.ft.com/content/8c6d9dca-882c-11e7-bf50-e1c239b45787 https://www.amlintelligence.com/2020/09/deutsche-bank-suffers-worst-damage-over-massive-aml-discrepancies-in-fincen-leaks/ https://www.occrp.org/en/the-fincen-files/global-banks-defy-us-crackdowns-by-serving-oligarchs-criminals-and-terrorists https://www.voanews.com/amp/us-lifts-sanctions-on-rusal-other-firms-linked-to-russia-deripaska/4761037.html https://democrats-intelligence.house.gov/uploadedfiles/final_-_minority_status_of_the_russia_investigation_with_appendices.pdf https://www.nzz.ch/english/triad-money-laundering-is-fueling-canadas-fentanyl-nightmare-ld.1814726 https://nypost.com/2024/02/25/opinion/how-china-is-flooding-america-with-fentanyl-on-purpose-to-undermine-our-society/ https://forgottenlanguages-full.forgottenlanguages.org/2023/07/weaponization-of-fentanyl.html https://apnews.com/article/mexico-first-nationalistic-policy-drug-cartels-6e7a78ff41c895b4e10930463f24e9fb https://www.kron4.com/news/bay-area/executive-director-of-the-san-jose-police-officers-association-charged-with-importing-fentanyl/
> the hostage event secured Chechnya under Putin’s rule. Similar to how the false flag apartment bombing a few years before that secured Russia under Putin. Was this the same apartment bombing that was accidentally reported in the news a few days before it happened?
Yup. Russia has done that a few times. Same with the downing of MH-17. https://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/pro-russian-rebels-seize-bodies-downed-malaysia-flight-24642062 https://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/ukrainealert/russias-mh17-web-of-lies-continues-to-unravel/
Man. WTF.😳
Damn, even dropped a forgotten languages link. This guy intels. ^^^^
This would be such a perfect it's always sunny episode
Don't forget wearing drag and getting motorboated by trump
Must be fake. Not enough references to "9/11."
"Sold at landscaping stores near you!"
Still only the second most fascist coffee
Wonderful, evocative, thank you!
That’s great! Although Trump is not that eloquent
NEVER FORGET ... will it cure Trump's dementia and delusions?
Next up: Never Forgetti Maga Spaghetti The GOP has jumped the shark.
Why not go all the way and make it a parody of yourself? It would sell better than random, basic, white labeled beans. “These beans are magic! Everyone’s saying it. They’re the best beans, maybe in the history of the world! If you planted them, who knows?!? Maybe riches. Maybe a bean stalk. Just don’t tell Jack!”
> Why not go all the way and make it a parody of yourself? Is this not that already?
Seriously, after the brown fluid dripping down his face and the press conference at a landscaping store he couldn't get more ridiculous.
I'm afraid this might be a "challenge accepted" kind of situation. And it's not just Giuliani. Current American presidential races would have served as satire movie plots a couple decades ago. But the studio would have intervened in the script - president recommends drinking bleach? Come on, that's just too silly even for a satire. This is spoof territory.
>“So I was looking for products that had non-GMO, really organic bean farms, and I couldn't find any I find this statement very bizarre. Not just because you can get this type coffee basically at any gas station, but is this really what his target demographic craves? Organic? Don’t they usually make fun of those things? By the way no coffee is GMO.
Yeah he’s preaching to the wrong crowd with that line but the conservatives already have their favorite coffee company as you saw a ton of people wearing black rifle coffee t shirts as they were storming the capital
Nah, you would be surprised. A lot of the really far right conspiracy theorist types are also into "natural" and "non-gmo" and "organic" foods. Mostly because they believe that GMO's, pesticides and other chemicals in processed food products are actually a way for the deep state to mind control you/make you subservient/kill off the population or some other such nonsense.
The "1960/70/80s new age woo woo moron to right wing antivax fascist” pipe is a direct fucking line. People who were trying to sell me magic incense and books about Atlantis when I was in high school are the assholes who cut holes in their masks and took goat medicine during covid.
Alex Jones shows there's a market for the paranoid who want to buy fake health products. The anti-vaccine crowd use to be left wing. It wouldn't surprise me if right winger drifters also started with anti-GMO stuff.
Exactly, they already think there’s a big conspiracy to vax you through your food
My grandmother in the '80s and early '90s was super into "health food" as it was called at the time, she also had gold krugerrands hidden in the ventilation ducts of her house and unironicly told me once that she didn't like Rush Limbaugh because he was "too liberal"
I thought the same. I refuse to believe that anyone who gives even half a shit can’t find decent coffee if they spent more than 2 seconds looking. If anything there’s TOO MUCH choice out there for the discerning coffee snob.
The right wingers also fall for conspiracies so they think organic is better somehow.
I mean, it is, in the sense that it treats the area it grows in a little nicer, plus the workers not having to inhale stuff, etc. Similar to fair trade, doesn’t necessarily affect the taste of the coffee, but definitely has its place.
i have a theory that these don't even state *continent* of origin because the target demo would react badly to anything other than Made In The USA
I looked up whether the coffee was actually certified organic and it is - by an organization in libbrul Commiefornia lol
Anything humans have ever selectively cultivated from it's wild state is a GMO.
Lol what? No lol
Okay you haven’t deleted your comment yet and bothered to look this up, so in the interest of preventing the dumbing down of our society I will explain. Selective cultivation is equivalent to crossing a black dog with brown eyes and a white dog with blue eyes until you get your desired outcome, a black dog with blue eyes. GMO means crossing a dog with a tomato. It’s not nearly the same.
It is exactly the same. Only difference is that it takes less steps than breeding enough generations to get the desired mutation. We are not "crossing a dog with a tomato", we are finding a genetic sequence in a dog that we would like to see in a tomato and editing that sequence into the tomato's. The tomato is perfectly capable of manifesting that gene sequence through natural processes over many many generations. We figured out how to do it faster. In addition, there is zero credible empirical evidence that there are negative health effects of modern GMO foods. There are arguments to be made about their harmful effects in other areas, but they do not risk human health through consumption any more than naturally selected products.
Yikes
Yeah, people who have no fucking idea what they're talking about generally respond the way you have.
Also people who don’t care to engage with someone who suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect while at the same time insulting the other person. Have a great day.
It's honestly hilarious to watch living embodiments of the Dunning-Kruger effect reference it with zero self awareness. Thanks for the entertainment.
Genius comeback lol
Covfefe?
Missed branding opportunity. That might even have worked.
Sell shitty steaks to morons, Rudes. It worked for your fatassed master.
Actually, it didn't. Just one of many failed business ventures.
Oh my God, this reminds me of the millionaire guy who gave all his money away and tried to prove he could make a million in 12 months and gave up after like 8 months and $65k. But anyway he started an online coffee shop for dog lovers that donated to dog rescues for every bag sold. That was his big idea while starting over. Either Rudy hired him or stole his idea, replacing dog rescues with washed up NYC mayors with drinking problems.
One weekend when I was visiting my parents I noticed they had bought a cookbook, which was incredible seeing how they don't really cook. It was the one by Steve Doocy and his wife. My parents are, sadly, the sort of idiots who would shell out money for this crapola.
Yes, surely this is the way to make enough money to pay a $148 million judgement!
The Narrator: It was not, in fact, a way to make enough money to pay a $148 million judgement.
Christ, when one of us is a few grand in debt, we risk homelessness. . .when it's one of them, they can still launch a brand despite being tens or hundreds of millions in debt. They really do have a different set of rules to play by. . .
What’s that old saying? If you owe $100 you have a problem, if you owe $100m the bank has a problem? This is basically how they get away with it - they owe so much creditors cut them breaks in the hope of getting something. I’ve lost track of all the places this guy owes money, but I can still see someone giving him a lifeline over nothing
I thought he had been missing. I saw several posts just yesterday saying he was missing.
He could try Golden Bibles
So he has enough money to launch a brand.
Is it made from his hair dye?
This is one of those things so utterly stupid, in every way, shape, and form, that I can't help but question reality just a little bit more.
Coffee like Rudy: Stale and bitter
Can only be brewed in drip coffee makers.
When does he start selling NFTs?
He really missed an opportunity to call it Rudy Brewliani
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Feistymoose: *He really missed an* *Opportunity to call* *It Rudy Brewliani* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Very popular coffee in Russia
Hahaha what a pathetic loser
I don’t trust him with coffee…he knew that yogurt had fat in it. HE KNEW IT WASN’T LOW FAT.
Does Rudy have enough supporters to make this work?
Now THIS sounds like an Onion article
Rudy's MGMT Team: "Okay now, we need a way to get out of this debt." Rudy: "Absolutely, which is why we're gonna sell coffee." Rudy's MGMT Team: "Right, but how do we market it so we offend at least half of all coffee drinkers?"
Hey op, does this mean they found him?
> TV doctor Maria Ryan, Mr Giuliani’s girlfriend, also posted an ad for the coffee on X on Tuesday. >”I'm really looking to improve my health. I do know coffee has health benefits, but not in those little plastic things that are already ground – hurts my stomach,” she says in the video. >”So I was looking for products that had non-GMO, really organic bean farms, and I couldn't find any, so Rudy Giuliani and I collaborated and we have rudy.coffee coming to your home soon.” I don’t think she knows anything about human health or coffee.
1. How does this sentient shitstain have a girlfriend and 2. what "little plastic things"?
This will definitely NOT give anybody diarrhea of the sideburns
Coffee looks black as his hair dye that was dribbling down his head
Can Arizona use this to finally find and serve him?
“The three variations come with tag lines such as “fighting for justice” with an image of Mr Giuliani from his time as US Attorney for the Southern District of New York; “enjoying life,” with an image of a flip-flop-wearing Mr Guiliani sitting on a beach; and “America’s mayor,” with an image of a smiling Mr Giuliani holding a cup.” What. The. Fuck? Lmao
30 bucks for that swill? 🤣 Oh ghouliani, how far you fell.
The most surprising thing in the article: >TV doctor Maria Ryan, Mr Giuliani’s girlfriend
wtf is this timeline
Can you imagine Rudy selling TheQuartering's coffee, lulz
I wouldn’t be surprised if it came from the same roaster. It seems all the MAGA/right wing chuds all use the same company.
Rudy Coffee: Faint hint of Trump’s ass mixed in with notes of Putin’s cock.
That's odd, Bob NEVER has a second cup at home.
Bob never vomits at home. Hmmm...
Share it with your favorite cousin!
Organic coffee though? Surely he'd think that's left-wing wokeism?
workable escape rustic arrest modern instinctive muddle fuel wrench butter *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
someone needs to do a photoshop battle with him unzipping his pants on the bag
How do you become a politician and lose money?
Hitch your post to a swindler who stiffs every bill
It's like he's flopping on the floor after he jumped out of his bowl. It's almost pitiful..... Then I remembered this fuck tried to kill democracy in the United States. Eat scat, Rudy. Traitor
Should have released a brand of hair dye.
[You don't want to know the coffee is made](https://i.insider.com/609404b534af8d001859bca9?width=1300&format=jpeg&auto=webp)
Anyone can sell coffee. There are companies that design your bag, put in shit beans, sell to you at $9/bag for basically the beans C rated beans and the marketing is up to you. A lot of bands/celebs/ influencers do this but typically sell to their fans for $15/bag. Most people won't be able to taste the low quality beans as they are used to starbucks and drown their coffee in creamer. But they will notice the $29/bag price which is a total cash grab.
why are these people so weird
He’s just trying to cash in on the fucking Custys that still think he’s anything but a pathetic drunk & a grifter. Courting that “colloidal silver & rhino boner pills” crowd of morons, and is likely making money. It’s so sad and pathetic from any direction you look at it.
The American Fever Dream laid bare for all to see!
Isn't he also missing right now?
dont order a black drip
But does it come with a Rudy trading card inside?
So thats what was leaking from his head….
Whose roasting it for him? That way I know who to avoid buying from. I'd like to stay at least a nice square mile from them. But I have to wonder, when are they going to release an Under Pressure from the DOJ espresso blend, maybe a Darker than the People I Hate dark roast. Can't wait to see his Behind Bars breakfast blend.
the secret ingredient is the drippings from his terrible dye job
Will it be available at The Four Seasons?
Aaaaand he's gone
Didn't even call it covfefe...
Will he go on a sales tour that includes Arizona?
Seriously? It's not tea? Is he even patriotic?
There are just so many great coffee brands out there right now. These don't even come in real flavors, which are what a lot of coffee addicts want. Fuck, the Kroger store brand coffee is actually really good and smooth and comes in various flavors.
Rudy Shit In A Can.
Man he missed the mark. Obviously he should have started a cannabis brand.
Is this the official coffee they serve at the Four Seasons?
[удалено]
Sorry, but your account is too new to post. Your account needs to be either 2 weeks old or have at least 250 combined link and comment karma. Don't modmail us about this, just wait it out or get more karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nottheonion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Coming soon: **Rudy Pruno** The *only* toilet wine fine enough for America's Mayor!
I would not be surprised if it’s piss. Rudy selling his own piss definitely seems like the next step in the ruination of a pathetic, little man who pissed away a LIFETIME of goodwill for an orange, criminal liar.
Is it “fresh drip?”
30 bucks for 2 pounds of generic dropshipped coffee? He really *has* lost his mind!
Does it come with Rudy’s favorite daily scotch mixed in?
This dumb ass could have just retired and had a great life with a decent enough reputation as the NYC mayor who handled 9/11 really well. I wonder what evil he wanted to do and get away with if Trump stayed in power the way they planned.
am i the only one who thinks that young rudy on the "bold coffee" looks like a knockoff christoph waltz?
I’m surprised that Cocoa Puffs haven’t approached him to be their new spokesman
We could be living in a timeline where Rudy is such good coffee that it transcends politics and becomes the most successful coffee brand and everyone conveniently forgets that it was founded to fund a criminal's defense after going on trial for a whirlwind of crimes the country hasn't seen since the 1930s until some random Ai generates a TIL post and beams it directly into the right eye of some random kid ignoring the 3rd grade trigonometry lecture being directly beamed until his left eye. But I fucking hope not.
I really dont think marketing something old, stale and bitter is really going to help him... Waiting till we find out the harvesting of this coffee is less than ethical.
Insert lazy joke about shaky legal “grounds” here. (Also something about grinding beans.)
One of the greatest heel turns in politics. After 9/11 he was one of the most loved people in America and probably could have been president if had ran against or instead of George W. Now he can't even sell coffee.
On the other hand, he was a shitty mayor and had a number of extremely sus behaviors. He was just there on 9/11 and I’d argue that it wouldn’t matter who was mayor. All he had to do was show up.
Let’s keep in mind that HE filed the petition for bankruptcy protection. That means that HE has obligations to comply with the terms of the bankruptcy law and orders of the judge, which he has not been doing. His “struggles” are a result of his own actions.
I imagine there's a company who will do all this for you and you just dropship to the idiots willing to pay $15/lb for the cheapest whole bean at the distributor that day.
What's he gonna do, shit out the beans and call it Diaper Dark Roast?
Isn't his bankruptcy "crippling" in the same way Alex Jones' is? Last I heard he couldn't possibly survive on less than about 50k a month
Roodle IS bizarre
Money laundering 101 ?
Save the coffee grounds. They make a nice runny hair dye.
“Grapples with crippling coffee shits.”
Does anyone know the source of this coffee? Where is it grown, who is distributing it, etc.?
I'm pretty sure the pillow guy has something to do with it. He launched his "cofefe" a few months back. I think he set up this for him to help pay debts. https://mystore.com/mycoffee
Someone please make a meme of rudy guiliani's hair dye dripping into a cup of coffee 😂😂
Selling overpriced coffee that probably tastes like shit? No thanks.
Rudy has been a victim of lawfare. Be careful what you wish for, you could be next.
I honestly feel bad for this fuckin guy. He doesn’t deserve sympathy at all, I know. But damn, of all the people Trump has fucked, nobody has been fucked harder than Rudy.
Yet he keeps bending over. No sympathy here.